Irritating Side of Underwear

AN: HUGE THANK YOU TO ALEXLUKE! YOU'RE AWESOME!

AN 2: I know its early from my last posting but I felt guilty for not being able to post for a couple weeks because of my back, so I typed out a little quickie to tide you over until I can polish off something a lot more meatier :D

PS, I have no clue where this idea came from… but I hope you get a laugh ;)

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"Get back here, pest!" Ratchet called, brandishing a hammer at one of his favorite targets.

Sideswipe darted around the medbay, keeping Ratchet at a distance, which was difficult as his gait was off thanks to a wrench crammed in his undercarriage.

"Swear it wasn't my fault!"

"Like I'd believe you," Ratchet spat, gaining ground on his nemesis.

A hammer was launched.

Sideswipe barely had time to twist sideways to avoid most of the impact. It slammed into his right shoulder and bounced off, landing with a clatter on an unoccupied berth. His hip ground at the movement.

Sideswipe's distraction allowed Ratchet to gain a little ground, this time with a screwdriver clutched manically in the medic's hand.

"Ouch, Ratch!" Sideswipe barked, dancing out of the medic's reach before he got a good hold.

"You wait until I catch you, fragger," Ratchet bellowed, subspacing several doses of medicinal iron.

With precision of his trade and eons worth of practice, he fired his arsenal readily, his smirk growing in viciousness as Sideswipe cowed, deflecting the projectile 'suppliments.' His arms absorbed the brunt of the assault, giving Ratchet the time he needed to get within throttling distance.

His last weapon was deflected by Sideswipe, who was scratched and dinged worse than Ravage's scratching post. Sideswipe waved his arms to protect his face from the incoming projectiles.

The momentum of the screwdriver ricocheted off Sideswipe and the flathead end embedded itself into the bio medical screen above one of the berths.

There was a spark and a hiss then the entire berth began to judder. The screen displayed strange binary code and hummed, lighting up with phantom scans. Alarms sounded as the scans revealed there was no life on the berth.

Under normal circumstances, the beds remained silent when not occupied, but the damage was sending screeching alarms into the medical ward and to Ratchet's personal frequency.

"Oh, slagging shut up already!" Ratchet boomed, yanking the screwdriver out of the screen. It gave a feeble beep, quieting down.

Sadly, Ratchet was leaning on the berth when a fuse blew, giving the medic a jolt that made his sirens go off.

Ratchet opened a comm., his voice shaky and laced with residual static.

"Wheeljack and Perceptor to the med bay for emergency repairs," he said, rubbing the side of his helm and shaking himself to silence his sirens.

Sideswipe waited until Ratchet glared at him, knowing the medic wasn't damaged but knocked out of sorts, and took off. Hobbling and squeaking, he zoomed past the inventor and microscope, knowing if Ratchet needed repairs, the two back up medics could do a better job than Sideswipe.

His servos were only steady while holding a weapon or inflicting damage on Cons. They became shaky and spastic if he held the life of someone he cared about. Other than Sunstreaker. It was easy to attend to his numerous wounds.

But Ratchet?

Sideswipe wasn't sure he'd be able to keep his hands steady if the medic's life was on the line. Sideswipe may be a meddlesome pest, but he respected Ratchet to truly endanger him. If something ever happened to the cantankerous old medic, Sideswipe wouldn't know what to do. His world would be thrown into chaos.

The kind he didn't like or thrive in.

Sideswipe slowed as he neared the commander center. His lower parts creaked and squeaked. Gears grinded horribly. He paused, rotating his midsection and performing a circle 8 with his hips. Wincing, he felt wires and hoses pinch and threaten to snap. He grumbled unpleasant things attached to Ratchet's designation.

A worrisome grating of metal on sensitive metal made him grimace, flexing his aft plates in order to dislodge the wrench Ratchet had installed. But the irksome thing was wedged in there good.

Shimmying and cursing under his breath, Sideswipe bent from side to side, allowing plating to shift differently, and wiggled his aft back and forth.

At that moment, Prime appeared with some VIPS and greeted Sideswipe cordially.

"This is one of my best soldiers, Sideswipe. As in regard to all the Autobot forces, he is committed to protecting humanity."

Sideswipe offered a cheery wave to the humans at Prime's ankle. Just then, the wrench loosened and with a twisted scowl, Sideswipe bent forward in what appeared to be a respectful bow.

Until he hiked up his left leg, gave his aft a shake, and released a high volume compression of air.

And Ratchet's best wrench fell out from between his aft plates.

Triumphant, Sideswipe picked up the errant tool and grinned at the foreign dignitaries.

"Bout time! Slagging thing was rubbing me raw!"

When their stunned faces shined back without so much as batting an eyelash, Sideswipe added, in true Lamborghini style.

"Takes us about a month to make a full set!"

With a deft flick of his wrist, he flipped the tool and sauntered off down the hall.

Human jaws were on the floor.

Prime face palmed.

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Sorry it's short, but hopefully, it's sweet! Or crazy! Hope it hasn't been done before! It's difficult to give the twins something new to do to entertain readers! Should have the next installment uploaded next week sometime… if my back doesn't decide to go out again. (fragger)