And I'm just here to hunt ya
I become your nightmare steppin' in your dreams
I'm the definition of the worst kind of mean
Yeah I feel like a monster - Monster by willyecho
Shota spent Mara's last day trying to stay away from her. It hadn't worked. Hizashi had taken a perverse interest in her it seemed. Shota had gone to Rush's for lunch, just to find that Mara was there, eating with Hizashi, Kapu, and Ken. When he'd gone to the library, Kapu was with her, and they were flipping through a couple of periodicals they couldn't read. Later, he crossed the lawn after looking in on Shinso, just to see her watching him pass while a couple of his female students were laying out a blanket for what looked to be an early supper. Or tanning session, or, or… He scrabbled his hands through his hair, making the locks wild around his shoulders.
He was tempted to scream, but held to his dignity by a fingernail. Instead he went home and decided to do just about anything else as long as it didn't require leaving his couch. He started out with a soothing sudoku book, flipping to the pages in the back, just to find that Eri had filled the squares of the expert puzzles with random numbers and even a couple of animal themed kanji. The book was tossed at the coffee table. Shota switched to logging some hours on the Hero Network, just to see first hand how many so-called heroes were just up and quitting in this time of crisis.
He was about to call the Hero Commission up and rescind his vacation when a soft knock broke him out of his morose thoughts.
Shota groaned under his breath but stood. He opened the door as Mara's fist had drawn back to knock again, and a smile creeped onto his face. He felt alive for the first time today. Blood was pumping and his nerves were firing and he just stared dumbly at her a second longer than normal.
"Do you mind if I come in?"
Shota blinked, breaking his silence with a, "Oh. Right. Of course. Do you want a soda or a snack or something?" He was running off at the mouth! He hadn't been this stupid around a woman since he was seventeen!
He swung the door open and Mara walked in to deposit herself on his couch with a sigh as she stretched out her feet and bowed her back in a show of relaxation. He watched the display and mentally slapped himself. He went to the fridge, retrieved a soda, and in the tall cupboard, a box of Pocky.
He settled next to her, and held out his offerings. "Here you go. Nice and boring."
"You know me so well," she replied with a giggle as she popped the tab on the soda.
"I see you changed your look, did you want to talk about it?"
Mara sighed again, "I had to find the girls and we spent an hour or two cutting out extensions and then washing my hair yesterday."
Shota's eyes slid on her soft pink hair which was silky and smooth, completely unbraided, and cut shorter. He knew now that the braids had been mostly fake, hence the scorching she'd received, but had not realized the the length would be about the same. She sat toying with a lock as she snacked on the Pocky he kept for Eri and the soda he'd stocked just for her.
"Shouldn't it be longer, though? I've braided my hair, I know what happens."
She tossed the strands back with a grin, "That asshat heat-goon melted some of the braids, and when the girls and I started stripping them, we found that we had to cut off like six inches." Her fingers pulled a lock and twisted the strands, "It's nice, though. I forgot how light it feels like this."
"You look great. I thought you did before, but this is better." He paused, trying to give his brain time to find something not stupid to say.
"You don't say stuff like that to a delicate flower like me!" She poked him in the ribs which made Shota laugh aloud.
Shota was laughing, but he wanted to touch her. Firstly, maybe to poke her back, but then to stroke her cheek and make her hold still long enough to kiss. For all that he'd managed to kick her out of his dreams, he had wanted that intimacy. He wanted to dream of her forever. He wanted to know exactly how she would feel if he picked her up. How would her eyes really look when he stripped for her? How her skin would look in real life, dewed with exertion, rosy with friction. Oh, how he wanted to taste her.
"You're not paying attention anymore are you?"
Shota's thoughts jerked back to the conversation, and found nothing there but lust he could nearly taste. "No. I was thinking about you."
"Shota.."
He interrupted, "No. I can hear it, my head knows it, but I don't care."
"I do, though." Mara shook her head, her pink curls making silky whispers on her skin. "I like you, Shota. I want to touch you and burn the feeling of your skin into my faulty memory. Going to bed alone will be torture. But I have to." She stood, her eyes welling, "I am leaving, and I don't want those memories if that's all I can have of you." Her fingers fumbled in her hair, the braids gone, she tossed it angrily over her shoulder and took a step toward his door.
Shota gasped, "No!" He stood and grabbed her wrist, feeling her delicate bones under his grip, her thudding pulse. "I want them. I don't want to live without your smile or awful puns or your reluctance to eat anything on a stick." He smiled at her soft laugh. "Mara, one night or a thousand? I would choose one if I can't have a thousand."
She opened her mouth, "I can…mmmph…"
Shota pulled her wrist with enough force to crash her curves into the hard planes of his body. Without giving her time to finish denying him again, he kissed her. Sealed his lips over her complaints and swallowed them. At first she was too surprised, but she melted, and her movements matched his overeager exploration.
Hands seeking skin, her fingers slid around his waist and under his jeans to dig into his ass. Pulling him closer to her heat. Shota broke away with an oh so masculine chuckle. An exhalation of air that let her know she was his. Tonight he was the winner.
She stilled, her eyes more determined then dazed. He knew he wasn't the best kisser in Musutafu, but what… Her eyes sparkled with tears, spilling onto blushing cheeks, "I'm sorr…" His quirk turned on just in time judging by the shock in her eyes. She stumbled back, "Don't you get it?"
"Mara," it came out pleadingly. "Don't do this. I know the risks."
She'd hidden her face in her hands as she shook in silent sobs. "Let me twist you. I know the risks, too. I can't just live with loving you."
"You…" Shota's throat constricted, and his hair fell back onto his shoulders, his eyes dimming back to black. "You love me?"
"I don't know." She turned away, she was still crying and her voice was tight, "Please let me go, Shota. Let me grieve in peace. I came here, knowing how I feel, so that's on me. Kahui told me I should drop my walls around you, just so I know, but now that I know what you want, and how badly, I'm sorry. I thought I could just cram a few more minutes of you into my life." She gasped, a sob escaping, and she took a moment to master herself. "A mistake. I can help you to hate me. Then I'll hate me too, and I can go back to Seattle and try to forget this infatuation."
He let her go. What could he do? His ego would not allow him to ask again, like begging for another serving of dessert. If she could live with it, so could he. He'd successfully banished her from his dreams. He was self-sufficient! He didn't care. He wouldn't.
"No. I don't want you to use your quirk on me." He took a deep breath, and stomped on all those ridiculously horny thoughts. He could live with that. She was a beautiful woman, that was all. He was lonely. She'd wormed her way in where she wasn't invited. That was ALL. "Have a nice life."
Her sobbing was no longer quiet. He knew it had been a cruel thing to say, because his heart was breaking, too. When was the last time he'd fallen in love? He'd known her for a grand total of four days, he knew himself better than that, didn't he? He needed to think. He needed her to leave. He looked up at the click of his door closing on soft hinges. She was already gone.
She hadn't felt this way since she was sixteen with her first serious boyfriend. The situation had been completely different, but the end was the same: Her running back to her room to cry her eyes out. She felt so stupid as she dashed over the lawn that separated the teacher's apartments form the student dorms.
It took a while, and though her tears had abated in favor of being able to breathe and run, as soon as the tall doors came into view her eyes stung anew. Mara could not hold back the dam as his thoughtlessly mean words screamed through her brain. She wanted to use her quirk right now. To lay open someone's happier emotions and burn her walls to ashes in hopes of forgetting.
Mara slowed, creeping through one of the doors, but she needn't have bothered. She only recognized a few of the adults, and none of the night owls still perched on the long sofas or grouped around the stretched tables drinking coffee and playing cards even looked up. She was grateful. She hurried her steps to the elevator, finally biting off a loud sob inside it's metal embrace.
On her floor Mara walked to her door, her steps and hands shaking, trying to hold in her emotions. She fumbled the keycard in her haste but as soon as the portal admitted her, she slammed it closed and fell to her knees. Her tears were big and hot as they tracked down her features. Her nose ran and she just sat and tried to hold in the sound of her heart being ripped in two.
Mara knelt, shaking and crying until her knees ached, and her body was exhausted from the emotional strain. She straightened her legs, and untied her boots, kicking them over to lean against the wall. Next, she stood, her legs wavering as she propelled herself to her ever growing pile of clothes. She pulled off her shirt, tossing it and then her pants in a tangle against the door. Her bra she stripped and with a tremendous frown threw at the wall.
She was angry now, and couldn't help the feeling that she'd done every bit of it to herself. Her phone rang, but it was a number she didn't recognize, so to voicemail it went. She pulled on a green tank top with an athletic logo of some kind straining across her chest. She flopped into bed a second before a loud knock sounded at her door.
"Go away." She thought furiously about all the anime she watched, and tried again. "Matte kudasai!"
Shota's voice came through the door, "That means 'wait a moment'."
"I thought it meant please stop. But 'go away' works for you." She sat up, and glared at the door.
His sigh was clear. "Let me in. I don't want to say this out here."
"No."
The door beeped, and he opened it, "I have a key to all the student rooms in this dorm."
"What if I were naked? Don't you care about anything? Say what you have to say and leave."
He closed the door, making the room black except for the moonlight silvering the curtains. He leaned against the door as she watched him with wary eyes. Shota looked almost like a small child caught in the cookie jar. His eyes were down, though they had taken a long look at her bare legs and chest.
"Could you use your quirk? Not to make me hate you, even for a moment. I don't want that. But will you make me sleep?"
"No."
"No? You wanted to use your quirk on me earlier. Why when I ask is it 'no'?"
She shifted, wanting more than anything to get back up and punch him in the solar plexus. Or a right cross to the jaw, since he wanted to sleep so badly. "It's 'no' because I don't want to dream of you. If you want to dream of me, summon me yourself. If you just came to show me just how disgusting you can be, I finally get it. You're a bag of shit and I'm an idiot for falling for it. You can go anytime."
"I apologized a couple of days ago for being an asshole. I am always one, it's how I protect myself. Make myself hard. But you…" Shota licked his lip, his nerve showing finally, "You tore down my walls like you were setting fire to them. I find that my town is in flames and I just don't care!" He stood straight, "Mara Twist, you are one of the most interesting women I've ever met. Every time I close my eyes, even if I don't want you to, you come to me. When I'm awake, I listen for your laugh floating around the corner. Your boots stomping against the vinyl!"
"It doesn't matter!" Mara had lost all hope of composure. Her shout had probably been heard all over the floor. "Don't you see? Can you not understand? You will not fade into the background. When I fall in love and then I make a connections like sex, it doesn't fade after awhile! I can't just put my panties back on and forget about it. I know! I tried." She broke again, angry embarrassed tears overflowing, "Shota, if we make love I will remember it. Even if you're the worst lover in the world. Even if I never see you again."
Shota opened his mouth, but she shook her head, "Kahui never understood. He's always trying to find me an affair, but he doesn't get it either. Even if I tighten my walls to a meditative state, I would not forget you. Right into the treasury. Shota, I love you. I don't want to, but I can't hide from it, apparently." She looked him in the eyes, "I can let it fade now, though. If you just go, you will fade in time."
Shota brought up his hands, to placate, to beg, she didn't know. "Just sleep. Let me stay with you, just for tonight. If that's the way it has to be…" He lowered his hands, and looked lost, "I don't want to hurt you. I just want more time."
One last connection. Sleep was the easiest twist, she would not even have to do anything besides lower and rebuild her walls. And it would be something she could live with, she hoped. She'd never tried just sleeping. Could she? It wasn't sex, but it was almost more intimate in it's way. He'd be totally vulnerable. She nodded at last; she just hoped that this would not hurt her even worse. Because she knew she was being greedy and childish, and she found that she wanted that so badly. Like a child, she would take it.
"Okay." She stood, her knees still trembling with exhaustion, "Just get in like you are going to sleep. I'll take care of the rest."
"My bed is bigger."
"I'm not moving, so decide once and for all."
Shota pulled off the shirt he'd been wearing, and unbuttoned the waist of his jeans before kicking off his shoes. "I better keep some clothes on."
"Too bad," she smiled, a bare lift of lips. "I'll be gone in the morning, I do not think you will wake in time."
"I know. I'm being selfish. I will live with the consequences if you can." He pulled the comforter back, and crawled onto the bed. "Be gentle with me."
"Shota," she got back on the twin bed, cuddling close out of necessity, "I don't know what you hope to gain with this." She dropped her walls and carefully twisted his need to sleep. "Sweet dreams."
Mara was inhumanly gentle. She studied his soundly sleeping face. It was soft, relaxed, and god he was so pretty right now. She ran fingers over his bare skin. His shoulders, chest and sides, feeling the minute orientation of tiny hairs, a couple of scattered moles, scars from a lifetime of fighting crime with a defensive quirk. She felt sorry for him. Protective, like a treasure hunter jealously guarding her prize.
She turned on the bed-side lamp and combed his hair through with her fingers. It was silky with a slight wave, reminding her of her sister's hair. She rolled him to his side and parted the inky locks at the crown into two sections and began to braid. Her most elaborate know how: a Fishtail. She loved how pretty it looked when it was done, and it would remain tight for a whole day if he didn't just comb it out in the morning. She hoped he wouldn't.
Her eyes were drooping by the time she finished and found an elastic small enough to secure his braid. She pulled on alternating sections to make it look more rugged, then she lay down beside him again. He was breathing deep and regular, everything about him still. With one last burst of energy she got out of the bed and located a pen. On his back she wrote a small message, and tossed the pen on the floor, turned out the light, and spooned Shota for the remains of the night.
