Life is life, y'know? I had this expectation as a kid that there would be more momentous occasions. Like when I moved from my parents' house, I had dreamed of leaving to a lovely little apartment or dorm room (or house with a husband), and having a trip to spend a bit of money on things like furniture, dishes, and some art for the walls. So many childhood dreams involved me going on adventures, traveling to new sites and meeting new people. Instead, I live in a dingy little apartment that floods in hurricanes and has no bathtub. My dishes are either from the Dollar Store, abandoned by former coworkers who moved out of town, or given to me by the pastor's wife because she felt sad I used tupperware for bowls. The same pastor's wife painted a side table sky blue and gave it to me. It's currently supporting various piles of books that I have/am/will read/reading/read.

Note to the parents of the future: it's a good idea to provide your kids a move out "hope chest." Just like an assortment of home goods they can take with them to their new home. I dunno, just an idea.

Aldaris and all the adventures with him has been a lovely interruption, but on the day to day, I still go to work, come home, go to school, and hope that at some point life will be different than it is. A man who works to provide for his family has a reason to work. A woman who cleans house for said family has a reason to clean. A student earning a degree confident in getting a new job has a reason to learn. A nerd doing all three with neither family nor clear plan has a rather hollow experience, so I've learned.

Such were my musings in my dank kitchen as I washed Heather's castoff plastic plates and stacked them in my dollar store dishrack. I turned to scrape some crumbs into the trash can, once more noticing the brown tinge on my baseboards - ever since they cut the bushes outside the window, water seems to seep into the kitchen. My sister knew the guy who lived here before me. She says he moved out because of flooding, too.

Stale feelings are made worse by the end of hope. As I washed the green plastic, trying to determine if a speck on the surface was a food blemish or a scuff against the flower pattern, I mused over the end of my alien adventure. The Koreans I'd hope to keep as friends were gone. Statkus, the cranky athiest, had little in common with me. I'm not interested in him or jealous of his girlfriend, but the plain fact is his girlfriend is distraction enough from friendship in general, even if there was a reason for us to talk about Starcraft once Aldaris is gone. Toby's cool, but he's the kind of guy who actually cares about pop culture, and he and his friend Fu Hao are besties. As much as all of us will probably still be friends, at least nominally, we're a crowd bound to grow apart. Unless the guys are way more interested in Cold War history than I think they are.

I could probably turn on my computer and play some music, I thought to myself.

Thinking about music was the wrong way for my brain to go. Death already took the Lees from me, and on top of that, my favorite musician died as well. Ashley Carr was only my age, way too young to die. He was so close to graduating university and on the cusp of publishing his first album, and yet a lingering condition apparently did him in - his family won't talk about it. Makes sense, as it's really none of the internet's business anyway. Suds covered my soggy hands, so I used that as an excuse not to turn on music on my computer. I can't bear to hear Ashley's work now, not for a while.

And on top of that, Aldaris. I scrubbed hard on my oatmeal pot. If I hadn't been so lazy, I would have washed it before all the oats dried up on the sides. My favorite Starcraft character of all time...

I sighed and shoved the pot back into the water to soak, then went to rinse some bowls. That occupied my hands as my brain wondered about Starcraft. If Aldaris got killed by Kerrigan, then how would it affect the timeline if she never got the chance? Then again, maybe Starcraft was wrong. It had to be, if Aldaris was here and not on Shakuras.

I'd always imagined that I would save Aldaris if I entered Starcraft. I would tell him that Zeratul wasn't corrupted by Kerrigan, and then they would stop Raszagal...well, I guess that's not possible. I'd probably just get killed by Kerri like a big dum dum, or something.

I stood there, despondent. I'd expected so much more out of my life than this, to be trapped in a tiny, hurricane-stained apartment. Everything felt so tiresome, so weary, as though every day I did menial things expecting something to change, though nothing ever did. Somehow washing dishes felt like the most pointless activity ever. I looked around the house at my cheap, sagging futon, my old laptop, and a mess of books in plastic bins. Was there any activity in the house worthwhile? What kind of future would this meager existence lead to?

I wonder if Aldaris would let me die with him.

Weirdly enough, just thinking that out cheered me up, simply because it was so stupid. Of course Aldaris would say no. I smiled and picked up another bowl to rinse, thinking of how the Protoss might react if I even asked. Ha, he might even get mad at me, telling me that I'm young and I don't live in a war zone, or something like that. The existence of a Starcraft character is way more miserable than mine. I should be grateful, and see my opportunities instead of sadnesses.

You know how you grow up and learn that your childhood notions were wrong? My experience is generally the opposite: my child self was right all along, about everything from enjoying creativity, to trusting in God, and not being horribly lazy about getting what I want. As I age, I have to remember everything that was so certain and clear back then. Sometimes grownups think a thing is the truth because it's complex. Whenever they're wrong about a thing like this, children get it first.

So I continued washing the dishes, washing in hope that something good would happen. How can someone be sad when there is writing to do, worlds that exist only in the imagination, waiting to be revealed? I made a promise to my stomach to make coffee. I don't have a vaccuum, but the carpet's short, so I can sweep it. Then the floor would be free for sorting through my books, seeing which ones I need to read as research for what I'm going to write.

I'm going to have to tell the guys, at some point. They'll want to know what happened to Aldaris. 100 days...

For some reason I didn't want to tell them at all. Maybe denying it made it feel less real. I just continued to wash dishes. Figuring out all of this could wait until I'd spent the day on better things. The landscape calendar on the wall would tell me which day I could tell the boys. Weird. I wonder why Aldaris told me to wait that length of time.

Suddenly I felt a strange sensation in my head, just briefly. I stared around the room, seeing only my cluttered kitchen counter, mismatched furniture, and assortment of books both in and out of bins. I rubbed the side of my head.

I really need that coffee. Better get the hot water started now.

-t-

Log #349936

Despite my resolution, I have not departed from the Terran homeworld.

...

It is difficult to understand my position here. At my first arrival on Earth, my confusion had no answer. For what reason had the gods so assigned me to this damnable corner of the universe? What purpose had they in doing so? And in this abidancy I remained bewildered, waiting for an answer that I feared would not come.

But come it has, with fear greater still. Not from my own gods, whose comfort I might have expected in the assignment of some great task in my presense here. There is no such comfort, and my answer comes only from a foolish girl. She spoke without certainty, but the more I have dwelt on her words, the less I may deny them. She claimed it may well be that her God has brought me here. In my heart I wish that this were untrue, that the whims of fate have me in their thrall. But only with Bethany's explanation has all fallen into place. I know my own gods well. They would not have denied my need to remain with my own kind, and serve there to preserve our race.

This God of humans, on the other hand, need have no such motivation. Whatever he may feel of the Protoss, surely his own creation more greatly concerns him. Have I angered this God? Did I hate the humans overmuch, or were my actions mistaken for wrath against these pitiful beings? I do not deny that I find these creatures repugnant. It is a mere opinion and not held by myself alone, that I alone should suffer this fate.

Disgust, however, is far from hatred, and never in my dealings with them have I been less than objective. Never would I war with the humans without need, and I have never judged them with cruelty. No indeed, my every action toward them has been well reasoned, considerate, and graceful in regard to their multiple fallacies. Anything I have done against them was done in the defense of my species, and not from hate. I swear that this is true, for does one hate the wild animal that haunts the wilderness? By all means, no, for it is a mere beast. Humans are, to a degree, raised above beasthood, and I confess I neither understand them nor why any god would have been interested in their creation. So short a time humans spend with mortal existence, and yet have the intelligence to be aware of their peril. They are nonetheless his creatures, and I suppose it is to this God's credit he does not simply abandon them.

I stated fully my lack of maliciousness and sin towards the humans, and for many silent minutes I waited. For many more minutes I, ready to dismiss the existence of this God, prepared for my dormition at the planet with the uncouth name of Venus. Yet as I made the final calculations, a thought, unbidden, rose to my mind. To this day, I could not recall why I sent for Bethany, those months ago, at the exact moment she was most in danger. She is this God's creation, and he would surely use me for her rescue, as said this thought.

But I denied it, and tried to muse on other matters. I could not. For even as I attempted to do this, I recalled - quite out of my conscious memory - a piece of a book read by the believing earthborn.

'What term!...Till God forgives my sins-till then I'll be serving time.'

This was a statement made by a simple woman in a prison camp, read to me by a girl who can never have met her. But again, in what way have I sinned against these humans? Is their God merely offended for their sake? To take up offense against me is beyond reason. Have I not acted on the behalf of humans? Did I not protest to save those who had on accident offended the Conclave? Did I not aid Raynor and allow him to remain on Aiur when my political opponents wished to cast him out? Have I not spared these four humans whom I might have with justified reason killed for secrecy's sake? What I have done was righteous, generous to beings to the extent it was logical. What then is expected of me?

I cried out to this God of humans, "If you have any matter about which you intend to address me, then speak, and have out with it. I must have some sign, if you expect any obedience on my part."

And there was nothing. Contenting myself with the silence, I admonished my own foolishness and prepared to leave orbit. But it was that thought, that interruption, and in the quietude of the Juniadros I could not fail to notice it. It was not words, but it was information. It was my task to find Cheonha.

I did not grieve for the girl at her passing, nor felt the need to do so. No, it was not callousness, but a strange reluctance, a doubt. I never felt that she had died. Of course, it may well be that I am so acquaintenced with death, I fear it now in no form, and the feeling heart within me has long since died with my brethren upon Aiur. In any case, the haunting information came without surprise. I obeyed it, feeling that that this was an activity without point. Cheonha was indeed killed. I do not speak korean, but I observed more than enough to understand what had occurred.

With an uncertain dread, I searched for Cheonha's mind with the ship's computer. I knew her general location, through hearsay. I could not pinpoint her without a living mind. But she was dead, was she not? The quiet insistence did not vanish, and I obeyed it, if only to fulfill my own curiosity.

I received a signal.

Cheonha's item is a small plastic flower she removed from her shoe. It was of the first day when I met the four, and Cheonha was with Bethany, buying new clothing. Bethany had picked out the shoes for her, it seems. When I transmitted the image of this item, this memory vividly, undeniably appeared. Cheonha is alive.

At the time she was cold and frightened, for she was in some variant of a cold sleep cell for the nonliving - in this world, the true form does not exist, and their nearest equivalent I believe is referred to as a "morgue." A worker in the facility was available, and I sent her to see to Cheonha. I took proper precautions, and did nothing more than say Cheonha's name to the worker. This person must have been familiar with her case, and knew to whom I referred. By altering certain chemicals in her mind, I silently urged her to make haste. She would not have seen my actions as anything more than an impulse, a whim of fate, perhaps. Let no hypothetical reader suspect me blind to the irony.

Since that time I have sat here, alone. If it were Aiur's gods that had sent me to this place, they would have granted me a task. Because it is Earth's, and he is enigmatic, I know not what is set before me. I know only little of what I apparently must do.

Perhaps it is that every word I have recorded here is utter nonsense. Perhaps I have spoken foolishly, or from delusion. Perhaps I am simply a coward, resorting to whatever excuse I might claim in my own personal defense. Perhaps I have so given myself over to self-preservation, that I have become too weak to bear the resolve I should have had from the beginning of this sordid ordeal. I am weak, and I have failed, and I now embark upon a path I fear is the most foolish I have yet taken. If I do wrongly, may my own gods judge me, if I shall ever dwell in their presence again.

Until my sins are forgiven, whatever they may be.

I'm really tired of starting out each of these journal entries with something like, "life really sucks right now," or "things are really hard." I'm just adulting, and apparently complaining is a normal thing to do. I'm just sick of money issues, of work issues, of school issues, and of losing aliens/friends/favorite musicians issues.

Honestly, when I got home today, all I wanted to do was watch my Project Runway DVD for the tenth time - television sets and the internet cost money, so again, money issues. So for the moment, if I'm bored, all I get is a choice between Project Runway and Mortal Kombat (1995). Project Runway has more episodes, so it looks like I get to see the blow up between Kara Saun and Wendy Pepper again.

Man, old Project Runway is so good.

Anyway, despite the fact I have money woes, trinkets at work are significantly cheaper than internet, especially plus employee discount. I work at a place that sells used books and geek trinkets, and somehow we ended up with a Blizzard-themed mystery box. Given that the only one of their games that I actually played was Starcraft, I only recognised the little Zeratul and Kerrigan figures on the side of the box. But I bought it anyway, risking it being one I don't want. Hey, I've got coworkers. If I don't want it, one of them probably will.

In any case, I bought that thing right up. The thought of opening it up nagged me all the rest of the workday, and I couldn't wait to get home. Finally I did, and I plopped into my green chair and opened up that bad boy. And grinned. Yay! I got a little plastic Zeratul! It's just too bad they don't let you have the old, cool-looking one. Instead we only get the Starcraft 2 new one. Lame. Oh well, it's a fun new thing anyway. It even came with a little loop attached to fake Zeratul's head. I swung it around on my finger and thought of a cute little song and sang it. Oh hush, stop judging me. Work any amount of time in childcare and you'll spontaneously burst into song too.

"When things are sad, I won't whine, I'll
Get out my Protoss made of vinyl,
Now every day will be so cool,
Just me and my fake Zeratul!"

Before I knew it, there was the sensation of overwhelming laughter in my head.

"Uh...Charlie?" I thought this rather than said it outloud, because my house is probably still bugged. But forget italics.

He instantly vanished from my mind, and I grinned. Hey, at least somebody likes my singing. Oops, I hope my upstairs neighbor isn't home. Aw, who cares? I made Aldaris laugh!

"For your information," Aldaris, apparently back and definitely still amused, replied. "I am vulnerable to your juvenile humor only due to my highly stressful circumstances."

"Hey, Charlie, whatever I can do to help."

I grinned some more, but then I wondered. Why was Aldaris alive? Wasn't he going to...I mean, the last time I saw him, he even said he was going to...

"Be at peace. I have every intention of continuing to live."

I jumped out of my chair, forgetting all mention of neighbors or bugs.

"YEE-ESSSSSSSSS!" I shrieked and jumped up and down like a little kid. "AAAAAUGGH! Yes!"

"...If you can restrain yourself from any such further outbursts, I have further things to discuss with you. As well as further good news."

I put my hands over my mouth and thought back at him, "I'll be good."

"That remains to be seen. Prepare yourself for recall."

One of these days, I'm going to ask him what he means with all that "prepare yourself" crap. But it is not this day, because the instant I teleported back to Aldaris' ship's bridge and got a good look at the main viewscreen, I had a further outburst.

"Cheonha!"

\\\\\\

Author's Notes:

- So I brought a character back from the dead. Sue me. Or don't, because it's not like I have much in the way of money.

- I'm sorry it's been forever since update. Again. Real life has been on me. I started a second job, and I'm going to be starting school in the spring. So...yeah. Man, I had such grandiose plans for this story. I still do, really. Thing is, I'd like to do some things to get published, too.

So, here's how it's going to be. Before the end of the year, I'm going to put up one more update, which will end this segment of the story. After that, I'll work on the next segment over the next year. I won't post it until I have a significant buffer, so that there won't be any long "real world" delays. However, I can't promise that that part of the story will come any time soon. Honestly, I kinda like it that way. With Starcraft 2 being wrapped up, excitement for this section has gone down. I want to wait a bit, and perhaps another peak for Starcraft will come. Granted, I'm not going to specifically wait for that.

It's just...

It's like Mega Man, actually. One of the reasons why fanfic writers in that section like to write Mega Man stories is because Capcom never specified what happened between the Classic and X series. People could make that nice, beautiful gap whatever they wanted. Honestly, that's why I managed a five-part story in it. I feel like Starcraft 2 rounded things out too well, ended too many mysteries (among other things). For stories, and in particular stories in games, there should always be gaps of information, places where the audience can speculate or create their own answers to questions. Void is one of the most important things in storytelling, and not the Dark Templar kind, either.

Well, I do have void, and that's the question, "what will happen when Aldaris becomes known on Earth?" Hopefully the answer to that question will be interesting. More interesting than this particular story, as I don't feel this segment lived up to the potential I'd planned for it. But besides real life, that was due to me being really excited by what I could do in later stories. I even have notes for those parts. Here's hoping to having notes for the next story, to actually get something up.

- Aldaris has what humans in the western world would call an old-fashioned view of the gods. He sees gods as local, like, each one happens to be attached to a specific area of a world, though there are a few nature gods on Aiur that are gods of trees, gods of rain, etc. He copes easily with the idea that Earth has its own gods in their own localities (and is ready to dislike every one). And is quietly offended that I believe in the omnipresence of my God, but we haven't really had a deep discussion on that yet.

Author's Notes New:

- Lol, I don't know why I left that old rant up. I like this version of my story much better, and I'm at a stage in life when my old happiness is starting to return. I feel like my life is finally going to start, after all this time.

Kids, here's some tips for your life: Don't waste all your life at college. So much of post-high school education isn't advantageous compared to the internet. Get good at something, and then decide if college is for you. College or no, don't let "I'll do it some day" or "meh, tomorrow" stop you from living your life. Get married young, travel far (seriously, you can live abroad cheap or free if you agree to teach english/clean), and work really hard at the things you're good at.

Remember, when it comes to jobs, you have to work for free before you can work for money. Learn programming. Learn higher math - it will enable you to reach higher paying jobs. Create that video you want. Whatever it is you do, start doing it, and don't let the presense or absense of college delay the work.

As for finishing up this story, I have...uh...maybe two or three more chapters of this story left to tell. Then I'm going to take a break and buffer for part 3. I have other projects I need to prioritize, but if everything goes right, I'll have part 3 up early next year. I'm not going to make any promises, because I seem to be better at keeping them when I don't say them.