Hello, I know it's been almost a year and no, this fic is not dead don't worry lol. I just didn't have enough spare time to write because, well, college. While I have no problems writing my other fics, but this one I'm struggling cause I'm troubles getting back on this. Oh, to have my past me's passion when I first wrote this…
Anyway, here's the chapter. I hope it's not inconsistent with previous chapters. Enjoy!
P.S(?): some of the parts of this chapter is rushed because I wanted this to be done. Apologies in advance!
(Chapter unedited. There will be mistakes.)
…
fifth: a hollow perception – resurgence
…
Kanao listlessly walked around before finally arriving in a certain bench in the park. Thoughtlessly, she approached it and sat, facing the setting sun in the distance, watching the horizon of orange splash with some hue of reddish pink. She has been walking around during day, no longer opting to walk under the mana-filled night, finding it suffocating now. Seven days later since she sensed that muted explosion, the unseen Holy Grail War is still running. With mysterious incidents happening during night, especially the mind-boggling bridge incident that everyone should be talking, but the memories of that night was all but nonexistent.
And she wasn't spared of that mind wipe. The most vague memories she can conjure was Kotomine Kirei reaching out to her and a soothing warmth on her head, and then she was back to her boarding house, awake and confused how she got there.
Perhaps he did something to make her incline to not walk during night, Kanao assumed. She heard a certain magecraft about it. Suggestion, or perhaps something similar to that. She doesn't know how it precisely works, but she knew the effects. After all, Kanao presumed that the Clock Tower, or rather a certain Lord from Clock Tower had naturally applied it to her, which she had almost missed for how he did it to her. She can remember his smile when he saw her noticing what was happening to her.
No. Kanao casted it away in the back of her head. Not now. The suggestion of that… Lord was strange, she recalled, but they both had an agreement for secrecy. Not now, she told herself firmly, as a certain Truth was about to resurface. A memory of their conversation. To remind her. To make her remember what he told her.
Doing the Breathing Technique, she was able to calm Truth back to the Storage. For now, she is blank. An unwritten piece of paper. A smooth surface free of dirt. No thoughts, no worries. Nothing, free from everything. Free, of anything.
"Tsuyuri… Kanao?"
But a splash of ink dirtied the canvas.
Opening her eyes, she raised her attention to the person in front of her. Kanao stood up. "Matou Kariya," she greeted, bowing to him in courtesy.
"I see. So it was you," he said, which Kanao saw as disappointment.
"Were you expecting someone else?" she surmised, asking him bluntly.
"…yes," he replied hesitantly. "It… still made me impressed. That you can see what is going on with other people's thoughts."
"It is nothing amazing," she refuted. "I see that… you have gone through… a lot." She skimmed his appearance, of his white hair, of his thin figure, and his wrinkled face as if it was crushed in the left side.
"I did…" he said, defeated. "I have to do this or Sakura will…"
Kanao sharply turned at him. "Sakura is involved in this?"
Matou Kariya was silent at her side. Sighing, she sat back down in the bench, inviting him to sit, patting the space beside her. He mutely complied. "I'm… sure that you know that the old man is involved in this, right?" he said suddenly, whispering.
"I'm not sure what you are implying," she replied promptly.
"The Holy Grail War."
"You're…" she turned to him in surprise.
"Yes. I am one of the participants."
She leaned back, processing the information she received. Waver Velvet, Matou Kariya, Tohsaka Tokiomi, and Kotomine Kirei… almost all the people she knew are involved in this. "But what does Sakura has something to do with this?" That matter perked her up.
"The old man was planning to make her a participant, but I stepped forward in her place. I… tried everything and endured to not make her involve in any of this. But…" he said with gritted teeth, his hands clenched together. "But old man is determined for her to be in this world. This world full of… selfish gains that the old man wants for himself."
If Kanao remembered correctly, Matou Kariya confided to her what he thinks of the world of mages, particularly resentful about it. He didn't told her the specifics about it, telling her that she doesn't have to know 'the atrocities and the disgusting practices'. It was obvious when he worded it like that, that was full of… unspeakable acts that she'd rather not think about, especially that Sakura will be in their household. "Is she… safe?" she asked.
"For now. Mostly," he replied, though he doesn't seem particular pleased about it. "Is this… the reason why you inconspicuously called me? To talk about Sakura?"
"A part of it," she admitted. "I just… wanted to talk with someone."
"Hmm. Now that I think about it, since when you've recovered your voice?"
"And you just noticed it now?"
"Sorry…" he paused. "I'm having… difficulty thinking right now. Especially in this state."
She frowned, turning her head to him. Kanao was vaguely aware of the tilting of her head, as she pointedly stared at him, observing, scrutinizing, and scanning the man beside her. "May I…?" she finally said, when she saw him shifting uncomfortably under her gaze.
"It would help me a lot, Tsuyuri," he permitted.
Raising her hands, Kanao cupped his cheeks in her palm. She shifted closer to him, almost in his personal space, or at least she thought—or convinced herself was almost, she's aware that the proximity they had was not a man and woman should have. "What sort…" she whispered, having fully examined him. "What sort of thing that… your old man went you through?" Kanao was about to lean back, facing him for an explanation, but a hand on her back stopped her from doing it.
"You don't have to know," he whispered, hearing tinge of horror in his voice. "You're not in this world. Stay in your innocent world, just like Sakura and Rin."
"But…" she trailed off, touching his back.
"Stay. Please. Just… stay."
Kanao sighed, conceding as she adjusted their position. Slithering her arms under his, she embraced him, sliding her hands up and down to his back. She tried her best to ignore how boney and skeletal he felt under his jacket, trying to soothe him of his trembling.
"By the way," he started, his breath fanning her neck making her involuntarily shiver. "How is Aoi-san doing?"
"I don't know. Since this… incident happened, I haven't been with her for a while. But I'm sure she's mostly alright. She's currently staying with her relatives, bringing Rin with her." Perhaps I should visit them later… she thought, now that the matter was brought.
"Oh…" Kanao wrapped her arms tightly around, caught off guard when his weight—or rather, felt him relaxed as he leaned on her, then cursed under his breath in pain. "Oh… that's great… that's great…"
A shiver went through her, feeling his breath, warmer than earlier, vaguely aware of his lips close to her nape. "Matou-san?" she started.
"Call me Kariya."
"I am not Tohsaka Aoi," Kanao reminded.
She felt him twitched, his breath hitched. Then he chuckled dryly. "I know. I know that, Tsuyuri. Thanks for reminding me." He finally leaned back, facing her. Kanao finally see his ruined face in full display. "You always do that. Thank… thank you."
"Just what…" she asked, still incredulous at his appearance. "What did Matou Zouken did to you?"
"Stay in your business. This has nothing to do with you," he told her firmly, as he stood up. "You know nothing of this world. This world… this world of…."
A touch on his face stopped his words. A familiar coursing warmth made him sharply turned to Kanao, seeing his reaction. Shocked, disbelief, and most of all, despair, she saw. "You…" was only he can manage to say.
"Yes." Kanao nodded. She knows what's going on inside his head. "The world you denied, the world you hated—I am now part of it."
"No…" He was about to step back, but she tightly gripped his arm. "No… not you, too…"
Kanao can only offer him an assuring but empty smile. She continue to heal him with a magecraft that was taught to her, although it was strange why she was taught such magecraft. However, this was only a simple spell of healing, nothing complex like closing the wound in a matter of seconds. This was a spell to provide relief, numbing the pain. "I'm sorry, Ma… Kariya-san. I know nothing how to heal you. If you tell me what caused this—"
"Don't." He hissed, surprising her. "Do not ask me. Don't heal me. Don't try. Don't you dare try."
Kanao noted his glare on her, then looked down and bowed in apology. "I'm sorry."
She heard him sigh and plopped back to the bench, running his hands on his hair—white hair as she can now see when his hoodie was now folded back. Kanao can only follow him and sat back down beside him. "There's a reason why you don't want to healed," she stated, half-guessing. "And Sakura is involved in this."
"You're right. Sakura… Poor Sakura is involved in this, but my current state is not her fault. This was for sake. I did this for her sake… I did this for her… For her… Her and Aoi-san…"
"Tohsaka Aoi is involved, too?"
"No, no, no… Not her… Just Sakura… Sakura… her daughter, Sakura… I will save Sakura…"
She frowned, hearing him droned on under his breath. He did say he can't think properly in this state, she recalled. Slowly, she raised her hand and hovered it on his head, not daring to touch his hair. Then she activated the healing spell—
"I said, don't." —but a tight grip startled her out of her focus to do the spell. "This state… this state…! Don't…!"
"I understand, Kariya-san. Please let me—"
"I don't need your help!"
"Yes, I understand—Please let—"
"I told you—"
Seeing his hand lunged to her neck, Kanao immediately reacted and retaliated by catching his wrist, and twisting his arms behind him and pinned him down to the bench under her. "Please calm down. Strangling me won't help either of us," she told him flatly.
He struggled, fighting back trying to touch her, grip her, catch her, but she caught his other hand and twisted it hard. Kariya groaned, panting, growling with deranged glare pointed at her. "Let me go!"
"If you calm down, I will," she simply told him.
He struggled, twisted his body trying to get her off but eventually giving up, resting his head on the cold bench. "Let me go…" he said weakly.
She didn't, looking down at him.
"I've calm down."
Slowly, she loosen her hold and stepped back. Kanao looked at him, seeing a frustrated look painting his face, touching his face—the ruined side—before he stood up. "Why am I always locked out of the loop?"
"Hmm?" What is he talking about…?
"Why did you become a mage?"
I see, she thought, understanding his words. He didn't know I have Sealing Designation. He… really doesn't know anything… "I didn't become a mage. I was simply a subject of observation," she hinted, instead telling him outright…
"Don't tell me, you…" …and he immediately got the hint. She nodded in confirmation.
"What a mess." He chucked dryly. "We're a mess…" He sighed in defeat. "Now that reminds me…" he continued, blinking in realization. He rummaged his pocket and she saw something white and limp in his hand when he pulled it out. "He… did his best. The snake you gave to me… I kept forgetting his name, but he truly did his best to protect me. It was… because of this snake that until now I still have my rational thoughts." Kariya grabbed her hands together and put the familiar snake on her open palm. "I was considering of burying him myself, but I think it would be appropriate if I gave him to the owner." He stared at the curled dead snake on her hand. "Thank you. Thank you for giving him to me. I'm grateful, but he sacrificed himself to keep me sane. I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry… I'm sorry…"
"It's okay," Kanao replied after a moment of pause. She was surprised not because the snake, Kaburamaru, was dead but because Matou Kariya went his way to return his remains to her. Besides, the news of Kaburamaru's death didn't made her sad, it was inevitable that it was coming to him.
"I'm really sorry…" Kariya droned.
"It's okay," she repeated.
"I failed…"
"It's okay."
"But…"
"It's okay," she repeated, this time firmly.
"I…" Kariya trailed off, "Now that he's dead, I don't have much longer either. This body… is dying…"
It was obvious. That's why I wanted you to tell me what caused your state… is what Kanao wanted to say, but instead she touched his face and said, "Don't worry. It's okay. If you did die, I'm sure Kaburamaru is waiting for you."
"But… Sakura…"
"Then live a little longer if that's what you want. Either by your selfishness, or for Sakura's sake, live if you want to. No one is there to judge you what manner of death you wanted to die." When he didn't respond she continued, "If you did die, wait for me in the other side."
"You… are you dying too…?"
Kanao smiled faintly. "No, but I will die soon. Everyone does. Human's ultimate path of life is Death, that's why there was no need for me to be sad. I don't know if I will be killed or die in natural causes, but the fact remains that death… Death is our intimate companion." After all, that's what they are taught in that organization. Kanao will always remember the words, as they are taught to reconcile with Death.
Matou Kariya didn't offer a single word as a response, instead he walked away, head hanging perhaps from—or because—of her words she told him. That was probably not the right words to say to him, she acknowledged. She was also told that Death was not something that other people would readily accept, opting to lead a blinded perception of seemingly immortal lives.
"You have done a great job, Kaburamaru," Kanao whispered to remains of the snake on her palm. "Iguro Obanai-san will be proud of you and will happily receive you in the other side."
And, she secretly told herself, I should be practicing what I'm preaching.
…
Death… was something she was familiar. Intimate and cherished even. She would readily accept its embraces as she heard and taught that it was the ultimate path of life. After all, what they told her—told by someone she knows well, their words are nothing but a simple truth, isn't it?
However, when the time of Death came, unexpectedly she was racked with fear.
Why? she had thought in confusion. Why is she afraid? Truth was not supposed to be feared, not something dreaded. And yet…
Live, Kanao. Live, and become human again… no—know what it is like to be human. That's my only selfish wish—from me, your sister, to you.
And yet, why is she here suddenly desperate, with the voice in her head telling to live?
She remembered—or rather being forcibly being aware of herself. Of her breathing, of the dirtied clothes she wore, the strand of her hair cascading on her upper arms and shoulders, the stains on her skin and face—all of this she became sensitive and keened.
In that single moment, she was alive. Living. Walking and moving.
Perhaps she wasn't fully sane at that moment, as she can only register the streaks of color moving away from her sight, the sharp intake of breath around her from her hearing, the stinging pain as something hit her from her touch, the putrid odor from her smell, and the taste of rot from her taste. However, there was one time that she became keened on an instance.
The suffocating presence of air viscosity.
She gravitated into that direction, half-conscious. She ignored what her five senses detected around her, continuing to move forward. She ignored when she was pushed, moving ahead. She ignored the berated words directed at her, walking ahead. She ignored… no, this time she fought back when someone attempted to take her somewhere, promising her that she will feel 'better' if she follows after them, and they ended up with broken bones and she left them in that corner, staggering ahead.
Then she stopped in front of that suffocating presence.
She just stood there, unable to move now that she had arrived her destination. She blinked, trying to make sense of her surroundings. She saw the gate and the big house ahead of it. However, with the gate barricading her way, she doesn't know what to do. They don't want me to go there, was her simple thoughts. They must have didn't like people entering the house, she thought, understanding the reasoning and logic of the gate in front of her.
And so, she stayed, patiently waiting to allow her to go inside.
Many times the gate has opened and closed but they haven't permitted her to go inside. Many days she stayed there, waiting for their consent to go inside. Many hours and hours she didn't move there, patient and understanding of the reason why they won't let her enter, and yet still stayed because… because…
Huh. Why did she stay there in the first place? Kanao wondered for the first time in a while.
"Are you… lost?"
A voice. Strangely, it seemed to direct at her since it was closer instead of the usual distant voices, whispering under their breath. She raised her head and saw a man with dark hair and darker eyes, looking at her with curious frown. "Ah… I… I…" she can't think properly for a response.
"This is not a place to loiter around," the man warned, directed his gaze at the big house beyond the gate. She saw and identified his gaze as resentful, although she doesn't know how she identified that.
She stood up, but stumbled when her knees suddenly weakened under her weight. The man moved towards her helping her balance her feet, but she immediately moved away from him and instantly bowed at him. She doesn't know why she did that, just simply inclined she should… apologize, with a reasoning behind it was because she was an inconvenience, just like people around her said under their breath.
"You don't have to apologize," he sighed. "Like I told you, leave here. It's not safe for you."
Noting his words, she looked at the big mansion. But I don't want to leave… Looking back to the man, staring at him for a bit, before sitting back down at her previous position.
"I see you're being stubborn," the man frowned. "Oh, well. If you want to die early, then stay if you want. That's none of my business."
Huh? She thought, as she watched him walk away. I thought he was going to enter there… He seems particular acquainted of the big mansion… Then she looked back at the big mansion. Is she really going to die if she stays here? It doesn't seem to be the case…
A few days later, she was proven right. Perhaps it was the reason why the man in front of her—the same man who told her she will die if she stays there—looks disgruntled and a bit confused. "I see you're still staying there," he told her tiredly before crossing his arms. "Why are you here anyway? What's your reason?"
Interrogation, something… somehow told her in the back of her head. Questioned, looking for answers, and most of all, curiosity veiled behind the irritation, it told her with any prompt, supplying her a knowledge that she didn't ask but nonetheless she accepted.
"You…" the man muttered when she stayed silent, dazedly staring at him. "…who are you? Why… are you here? Are you lost?"
Who… is she? Huh. What a simple question to ask. "I'm…" Her name is… Is…
Tsuyuri Kanao.
"Tsuyuri… Kanao…?" she asked when it told her.
"Then Tsuyuri," the man seemed to ignore her confusion and told her, "I already said this to you and I'm going to repeat it again: this place is dangerous. Sooner or later, you might meet your end here."
She tilted her head. Why is he so determined to get her out of here…?
"Don't give me that look. Get out of here. It's for your own good."
Blinking, a bit convinced somehow, she stood up. She looked back at the big house beyond the gate, then sat back down, going back to her curled position.
"You—" the man eventually sighed, face palming. "Never mind. Stay there if you want to die."
"I'm not afraid," Kanao replied automatically, voice rasped and her throat tingling as it was the first time she raised the volume of her voice beyond whispering. "I'm not afraid… of Death. I was told… it was our friend." Although, she doesn't know when or where she heard it.
Her words seemed made the man turn into silence. Looking up, she saw him contemplation with a strange expression on his face. "You… are you really not afraid to die?"
Even though confused at his question, she nodded.
"Are you… really a human?"
Those words made her froze. Human. To be Human—again. Didn't she heard those words a long while ago…? Telling her to live and become human…? Who… said that me? Kanao wondered. "I… don't know. I was told to live and be human once more," she replied, somehow without any hesitation.
"Hmm. Where did you came from?"
"I… don't know," she admitted, her memories blurry.
"Did you run away?"
"Probably."
"Huh." A shadow fell on her and then the man crouched in front of her. She felt something on her forehead. "There are… traces of mana on you. Faintly though." He looked surprised. "Your magic circuits all messed up—no, is this even a magic circuit? It's… so vast but the pattern is so simple that I almost didn't categorized it as a magic circuit…" Then he scoffed. "I can't believe there's still leftover mana on me to determine that. That old man, seriously…"
She looked at him inquiry, not understanding the stream of words he just muttered.
"Ignore what I just said," he continued, shaking his head. "You won't understand it anyway. Are you a mage…? No, you seem to have lost your memories because your magic circuits is fried, and some of it is even missing. It's like it cracked and broke under pressure. A simple magic circuit that is fragile as a glass… this is the first time I saw this," he said in wonder, his dark eyes lighting up. Then he seemed to catch himself. "No, no, no. Snap out of it, Kariya. You're not a mage anymore—not even one in the first place."
Feeling left out, she frowned.
"Sorry for rambling like that," the man said. He seemed to be more relaxed. "That was my occupation hazard speaking. I've been a journalist for years so I can't help it."
It seemed to be a reasonable excuse so she nodded.
"Still, don't stay here. Hmm… but you probably have anywhere else to go. How about—"
"Kariya? Since when did you came back?"
A feminine motherly voice interrupted him. The man—Kariya immediately bristled and she saw him brightened, beaming at the woman who came out the gate. "Aoi-san! Uh… there's this kid in front of your house and I've been trying to get rid of her…"
"A kid?" Footsteps came closer. "My! She's dirty!"
"Isn't she? That's why…" Kariya stopped, seeing Aoi seemingly thoughtful. "Aoi-san?"
"Strange. Tokiomi didn't sense her," the woman muttered. "How did she able… no. How long she's been staying here?"
"If the first time I saw was also the same day she arrived, I guess five days ago."
The woman crouched down, and… Kanao saw her motherly caring smile directed at her. "Are you hungry?"
"…maybe," she replied.
"I see." The woman stood up and stretched her hand to her. "Come with me."
"W-wait, Aoi-san!" The man exclaimed. "This kid might be a runaway mage. Her family must be searching for—"
"Kariya. Was there such a mage family who cared for the loss for a child? And use their resources to look for their long lost daughter?"
"Aoi-san…"
"If you look at her closely, she's been in this state for months. No… No respected mage family would overlook of their runaway daughter and not raise a hand about it. No. Even if she's from a mage family, they let her go and left her in this state. It would have been a different story if she was the next head."
Kariya stayed silent.
Aoi chuckled. "Kariya. You were not trying to get rid of her, you were about to take her in, didn't you?"
He looked away, cheeks reddening.
The motherly woman smiled. "Now, come. Now that reminds me, what's your name?"
"Tsuyuri Kanao," she replied promptly.
"Then Kanao, we're about to enter my house. Oh, you still have to hide from my husband. I don't think he would tolerate your presence, however."
She nodded, seeing no problems in it. Hiding… hiding is something she was familiar. From a long time ago.
Taking the woman's hand, they went to the gate as it opened for them.
After waiting that feels like eternity, Tsuyuri Kanao can finally enter the Tohsaka Mansion.
…
Kanao looked beyond the gate, seeing the Matou Mansion standing tall.
The sun was slowly making its way to the horizon, painting the sky in orange and lilac. But nonetheless, she stood there, waiting for something, perhaps a miracle. Wait, and hope. She read those words somewhere before but she forgot which book she had read it.
Perhaps it was futile to stay there, waiting for Sakura to take notice of her and hopefully approach. She knew—she always knew that it was useless. But… she hoped. She will always hope. Matou Sakura will always—and become a friend of hers, no matter how estranged their relationship was now.
"Matou Sakura will not come out if you persistently wait like this. It would only discourage and turn her away instead."
She bristled, hearing the familiar she heard that felt like a long time ago. "Kirei-san." She bowed in courtesy.
"Kanao," he greeted back. Then he… smiled, although it still looked hollow to her. "It's dangerous to idle here. You might get harmed."
A strange déjà vu overcome her. "…is it?" Subconsciously, even her response felt familiar.
Kirei gazed upon the mansion beyond the gate. "This is a mage's territory. In other words, a dangerous territory for an ordinary civilian to stumble upon."
"But I am not ordinary."
"You are not," he agreed. "Nightfall is about to come. I'll accompany to where you currently staying."
"Thank you," she graciously accepted.
And they walked their way to the destination, which was the boarding house situated close to the commercial districts. Kanao thought it was sufficient location to stay, considering since the 'war' happening behind the veiled night and her sensitivity to the mana in the air she can breathe, she felt she'd rather inhale the impure and polluted air than suffocate and drown at the density of air viscosity mana.
As they crossed the mall, flower vendors lined up ahead of them. Kanao can only gaze upon them, smiling faintly and wistfully at the colorful petals and bloom and smell that inhibit her senses. It reminds of a time already lost, a garden lost and ruined in the back of a certain mansion.
In corner of her eyes, she noticed that Kirei was not walking beside her. Looking back, she saw him staring in a certain flower she never thought would see. "Lilacs," she said, approaching him. "They were my favorites." Kanao used to tend them in a garden once. She once attempted to plant them in Tohsaka's garden but somehow she didn't have the heart to do it herself.
Kirei reached the lilac and looked down at it. After a while, he grabbed the hydrangea beside it and bought both of them, wrapped in a bouquet. And then they made their way, walking away from the flower vendors. "Who will you give it?" Kanao asked, curious. Kotomine Kirei doesn't seem to be type of person who will buy a flower without a reason.
"I just feel like it," he replied indifferently. Feeling it was none of her business, Kanao decided to leave it at that.
They walked in silence once more, the dark sky looming above them. Kanao raised her head and saw no stars lighting up, only gray and cloud. "How are you faring these days?" Kirei suddenly asked, startling her a bit.
"Mostly well. Nothing eventful happened to pose any danger."
"I see."
Then it was silent again. Kanao wanted him to ask about status of the Holy Grail War, but thought it would be troublesome if someone overheard them despite that there was no one loitering around in their surroundings. She was about to ask him how his day fared too but something halted her words as she noticed something. Something that she should have never overlooked. "You…" Kanao grabbed his hand, the hand which supposed to have the red marks. "You're no longer a participant…?"
"I lost my… familiar. It was defeated by an enemy familiar."
"Oh." That's a relief, she thought. Kotomine Kirei lived another day. And that's more than enough. But… Kanao looked at his face. She saw… disappointment and displeasure, almost indignant. "But you wanted more," she observed, realizing.
"Always," he admitted, surprising her. "It would seem like I can't run away from this… incompleteness of mine."
So he admitted it then, she thought. Kanao had always suspected that was the case, and it would seemed she was right the whole time. A bottle only half-filled… if she remembered correctly this was his Truth she observed. "So you never found what can fill it then," she stated, letting go of his hand.
—but he snatched her hand right back as soon as she let go of it. She gave him a look of confusion. "Kanao," he said, his gaze pointed at her as he edged closer causing her to lean back at their proximity. Looking, searching… and somehow curious just by through his eyes. "I have a path already laid out for me… and another one was offered to me. Which one should I choose?"
"I…" Her words fell, surprised to be asked such questions. "Why are you asking me this…?"
"You saw. Saw through me, so you know. Knew. You knew what I am capable of."
"…I do."
"And yet why? Why are inclined to befriend me?"
In all honesty… she doesn't fully know. Fully, at least—partially she does know. "Because you are… Death," she admitted, finally saying the words what was weighing her chest back then when she knew and realized what he was and what's hiding behind his veiled indifference. "And Death… is a friend of mine." And this one… is also a Truth. The first Truth that was stored at their first meeting.
At those words Kirei finally loosen his hold on her wrist. Kanao snatched her hand away putting it close to her chest, rubbing the pain away. "I see," he said eventually, looking down his bouquet of lilac and hydrangea. "I see," he repeated, now looking thoughtful.
"As for the question you've asked me," Kanao decidedly changed the subject. "What do you think gets you the most satisfaction? I think you should chose that one."
"…satisfaction doesn't always lead to righteousness."
Kotomine Kirei wants to choose a darker path, but he's hesitant. How strange. Kanao thought he would pick it without batting an eye. "Then… in what… no. Think about of you should choose. Those path doesn't disappear if you leave them alone, doesn't it? Take your time. That's all I can give you as an advice, Kirei-san." And she wasn't the appropriate person to ask these kind of question in the first place.
"…thank you."
Kanao bowed courteously at that, and continued their way to their destination in silence.
"Death…" Kanao heard Kirei muttered beside her. "You're not afraid of it?"
"It's not about fearing it," she explained. "It was more about accepting it. Death is inevitable to everyone so why should I turn away from it?"
"Hmm."
"And besides… back when I was still in that establishment, we were told it was a friend. We shouldn't spurned it but rather embrace them as a companion."
"…"
"We… were taught to accept the cold, hard truth." Kanao continued when he stayed silent. "That our lives are fleeting, that we could always meet misfortune on the way. We were… told that as long as we fight the creatures of the night, we will die and be reincarnated in a peaceful era. But…" But now I am living through that 'peaceful era' they told us about. Kanao immediately buried the surging emotions that was about break free within her.
As she finished her words, they were now standing in front of her boarding house. "Thank you for accompanying me, Kirei-san. I appreciate it." After she bowed, she turned around to enter the boarding house, but a hand on her shoulder halted her. Kanao turned around and was met with the smell and sight of flowers. "…for me?" she pointed at herself, seeing the bouquet Kirei bought earlier was offered to her.
"Yes," he simply said indifferently.
Kanao reached the bouquet, accepting it hesitantly. "Thank you," she bowed again and was about the enter the boarding house again—
"There might be a time where I'll invite you to somewhere else."
"Eh?" An invitation…? "To… to where?"
"I'll send you an invitation when that time comes. You will be there as the witness."
It seems… to be about his priest duties. "I'll wait for it then."
Kirei bowed gratefully before he turned and walked away. Although, she noticed something that she hoped was something she only imagined. Hoping that what she saw was not something to believe.
That Kotomine Kirei made an unnerving sinister smile as he turned around.
Sighing, she looked down at the flowers in her arms. I hope I was just tired… she hoped. But considering what he confessed to her today, it was more likely he was planning something. Looks like he has accepted who he is, she thought, and he might be indulging his desires. Although, Kanao doesn't know what those desires are, and why she should be there as a witness.
Then she noticed something reddish among the purple-filled flower bouquet. Rummaging through it, she plucked a certain flower, stunned in realization as she knew what this particular flower meant.
A red spider lily, a flower said to have close association of Death.
Then unwittingly, a certain Truth assaulted her without warning.
…
It was familiar sensation of being carried that Kanao registered first. She was leaning on someone's back, limp and unmoving with pain racking all over her body that it immediately snapped her awake, cringing and whimpering promptly.
"You're awake now?" a familiar feminine voice asked, coming from her carrier. "Don't move and just rest. You're in no shape to fight back anymore especially to what you did to yourself."
Isn't she Shinobu…? Kanao can't see and her vision somehow dark, but she can recognize the voice her sister-figure. "Ah… ah…" she was about speak in response, but somehow she can't form any words, her tongue feeling numb.
"I told you to rest, idiot," Shinobu scolded. Kanao can finally register that they were walking to who knows where, gaining a bit of awareness of her surroundings—but still dark to her sight—as she heard crunching footsteps under her. "Nee-san said to run, so we will run…" her voice cracked under her whisper. "She told us to live, so we will live…"
But what happened…? Kanao still can't grasp what sort of situation she was in. She can't even remember how or why she was injured in the first place.
Shinobu twitched and halted, frozen. Crickets echoed around them where Kanao finally realized they were currently in the forest. Her sister-figure stayed silent under her, listening, scrutinizing her surroundings, then she clicked her tongue. "Kanao, hold tight. We're running."
Kanao almost fell from her position when Shinobu suddenly rushed ahead. She clutched tightly on her sister-figure, eyes closed tight, trusting her whatever is going on around them. A moment later, she heard a noise, rustling and crunching following after them. Kanao dared and looked back behind her.
And saw a—creature of the night.
Then a rush of memories washed over her. The fighting, a flash of yellow, a person green eyes and dark hair bluish tips scowling at her, a rush of power—
And then him. Him. Him.
Ka—do—
Mu—
Kibu—
Tan—
—ji
—ro
"Get away from us!" Shinobu shouted, as it echoed in her daze forcibly snapped her into attention when a fire flared into focus her sister-figure's hand with a magic circle from it. The—creature of the night fell when it received Shinobu's fire in the face to the ground. "Damn it. Kibu—ji Mu— must have planned all this. There's way too many of them," she muttered in irritation, looking around her for further ambush.
Why…? Why can't I…? That name Shinobu just said now… why can't she hear it…? No, she can hear it but it refused to register in her mind.
"Kanao, are you okay?" her sister-figure asked, putting her down to a nearby large rock to sit.
Kanao was about to nod but her mind… her mind, the inclination to act in response the question was empty. So desolate and hollow. Instead she just stared dazed, sitting on the rock.
"Goddamit," Shinobu cursed under her breath. "Kanao, you big damn idiot. Why did you do that? You shouldn't have... you shouldn't have known how to use that."
Of what? Kanao can only reply in her mind.
"Nee-san was supposed to have only known how to use that… and me who witnessed." She sighed in frustration. "Not you too. Using that can take something fundamental within you."
…of what? Kanao can only asked silently.
"What the hell am I doing here, rambling in front of the girl who can't even respond to me?" Shinobu laughed incredulously. "Sorry about that, Kanao. I know you're listening because Nee-san told me before. Both of you had the same state and it's going to take a while for you to recover."
Kanao blinked. Shinobu smiled when she noticed it and touched her face warmly. "Don't worry. Even if Nee-san… even if Nee-san won't survive I will always be there with—"
Shinobu swiftly turned around and swatted away an object that was aimed at them with her sword. She stood protectively in front of Kanao, her stance poised defensively, expecting another attack from the shadows.
"My, my. I wasn't expecting you would block that," someone said as they creeped out from the shadow. Kanao can only stare at the person—the creature of the night who emerged. Why…? She thought in shock. I thought I have already defeated him…? Rainbow-colored eyes, a pleasant hollow smile, it was—the creature whom Kanao supposed to have already defeated earlier. But then again, she had thought it was strange she was able to easily defeat him, she should have expected that he was only feigning it.
"Who are you?" Shinobu asked with a glare.
"You should have dealt the killing blow when you fought me, little lady," the—creature of the night said. Kanao should have known him but within her own gradual deteriorating mind she can't recall. "When I was in your mercy, you should have killed me right then and there, but you only left me alone thinking that you have only defeated me not by combat but also in spirit." It shook its head in disapproval. "Human sentimentality. You shouldn't have applied it to us. Does Death scares you that much that you can't even give it to others?"
"Don't lecture her—or us about Death, you evil spawn," Shinobu spat scornfully. "You who cheated Death have no right to tell us about it."
It—he smiled in amusement. "Oh? Is this about how you were taught that Death is your companion? My! You human are truly selfish beings! You even get possessive such things, too!"
"Mortality is nothing to be ashamed of, creature. Death made us remind that we live what we can, and that living was worth it!"
"But aren't you curious how the world moves forward? How the society changes before you, how humanity would progress, aren't you dying to see that?"
"Hmph. I'm sure that's not purpose why you would prefer immortality. Benevolence like that doesn't suit you."
The creature—he smiled cheerfully. "Well, well, you get me so well! Interested to become my friend?" Then his smiled changed. "Of course, you would have to forsake your beloved Death to do that."
Shinobu doesn't seem to be interested to entertain the creature anymore, glaring and scowling as she stood in front of Kanao protectively.
"I see, you're not interested," the creature feigned sadness, with exaggerated frown and wiping his cheeks for 'tears'. "A shame. Truly a shame. That I would have kill you here."
There was a sharp gasp beside Kanao, causing her swerve her attention to Shinobu. "What…?! Since when—!?" Her sister-figure wriggled strangely, her arms flailing as she almost fell out of balance. Kanao looked down at her feet and saw it covered in ice.
"You should have known that I shouldn't waste time just for a talk," the creature said, smiling behind his open fan, looking at them with eyes colorful of mirth. "Of course, I would take advantage if an opportunity presents itself."
Kanao wants to move, to help Shinobu, but her body refused to obey, locked and still. "Don't move, Kanao," Shinobu told her as if knowing her inner turmoil. "I'm not sure what took something from you when you used it, but please, I beg you, do not move."
But she will. Kanao will move because Shinobu is in trouble. Weren't they taught that when you see someone in trouble, they should help them?
Kanao forcibly commanded her body to move, to save, to help. Move, she told her body, to protect. Please, move, she begged her body, to fight. Please! She thought, wanting to aid her sister-figure and get her—them out of this predicament.
"Nothing can remove that ice. You're trapped, both of you." The creature approached, his fan poised to cover his face. "Well. Now that you're here, unable to move, perhaps can both of you be dear and—"
His words fell into a stutter when a blade went through his neck. The creature turned at the perpetrator. "Shinobu, was it? How does stabbing me in the neck help you in this situation?"
"Because you're ugly." Then she spat on his face. "And because I'm annoyed at your voice. You really like the sound of your voice, aren't you?"
He clapped, amused. "Perfect justification! And a very accurate assessment, too! I, too, loved my voice." He pulled out a handkerchief from his pockets and wiped away the spit from his face. "Now, then…" he put the handkerchief back. "Are you prepared to meet your so-called friend, Death?" he asked lithely.
"Always," she replied automatically.
The creature shrugged at her response. "Alright, then…" He closed his fan and—
"You're not even giving me any final words?"
He stopped. He closed his fan, putting it in his lips thoughtfully. "Sure, why not?" he accepted. "Have some final words with each other before I kill both of you."
Shinobu harrumphed. Then she searched something in her pockets and without looking what it was, she shove it to younger girl's mouth. Kanao choke when she felt an object being forcibly thrust to her throat.
"…what a final word," the creature finally said, looking over them in confusion. "Are you done?"
Shinobu simply smiled and raised her hand towards him, as if reaching out to him. And clenched it tightly.
The katana that was on his neck melted.
All Kanao can remember was being winded out of breath, being roughly grabbed by her waist. There was a rushing wind that almost deafened her ears at the speed they were running, being limply carried by Shinobu. "Kanao, listen to me," came her sister's voice, almost far away and as if her ears was plugged. "Remember Nee-san's word and live. Live a life free from conflicts. You don't have to fight anymore. You don't have to get stronger anymore. You don't—"
Her words was cut off with a pained gasp. But Kanao felt weak to look up at Shinobu, her mind felt muddy and closed off, and her eyelids increasingly getting heavier.
"Are you now? Too bad you get to live," a faraway voice said. "If I die here, then die with me, Shinobu."
"You… don't have… the right to call me… by name," a weak reply echoed. Kanao felt a sensation of being thrown, her body feeling light and weightless. But somehow, she didn't fall. Just a feeling of slowly being descended. With all her might, Kanao cracked an eye. And saw Shinobu impaled by a bloodied hand.
But there was nothing on her mind when she saw it. Just a pure, unbridled acceptance—no, just a vastly blankness on a canvas. No single thought, no more reactions.
"Live, Kanao. Live, and become human again… no—know what it is like to be human. That's my only selfish wish—from me, your sister, to you."
And then her body roughly met the ground.
…
Kanao gasped, the sensation of falling startled her awake. Out of habit she turned her attention to the side where the wall clock is usually perched, but she saw nothing. Just a dull grey wall concrete. Blinking, she sat up and looked around, realizing she wasn't in her room. She… seems in an office, with her resting in a couch with orange and yellow lamp lighting the room. There was a table and a shelf and… someone else with her.
"The sleeping beauty has finally awoken from her slumber, it would seem," the unfamiliar man greeted, raising his wine to her filled with haughtiness and pride in his gesture. "What was in your dream that makes you restless, little mongrel?"
As soon as her eyes landed on the blond-haired man, her vision faltered, blurry and hazy. At first she saw him clearly, his blond hair and blood-red eyes—everything about him reminds her of a shiny gold, a gold of temptation and intimidation. But then he became misty, unclear—and it instantly reminded her of a certain person who had the same murky figure.
With the memory that came to her in a dream, and the appearance of the foggy, unclear figure of a man, her eyes widened in realization. "You're not human." It wasn't a guess nor an observation, it was a clear, simple Truth.
"An astute statement," the man replied, smiling in proud approval. "Kirei chose his friends well—yes, I am indeed not a lowly human being. I am a King, after all."
Kanao looked—gazed closely at her companion in the room. King…? She rummaged the folders of Truth trying to make sense of his words until she caught a memory, a Bounded Truth—an information that was provided to her a few months ago. "A Servant. A familiar summoned in a Holy Grail War. An… ancient King summoned to fight in this War."
"Another astute statement!" The man—the King roared a laugh. "Behold! The one who stood before you is the world's first Hero! The King of Heroes, Gilgamesh!"
That didn't take her long enough to search who he was within her Truth. Promptly, she stood—and stumbled a bit—and kneeled before the King. "I am honored to be in your presence, Your Majesty," she bowed courteously without hesitation.
"Outstanding conduct, little mongrel. Raise your head. I can see you have questions troubling your mind."
She carefully sat back down in the couch. If the books about the history of ancient kings are right, they can be sensitive how people address them, and eventually learning that being polite and civil in their presence will make you less likely to be beheaded. "My apologies for asking such a trivial question, but why am I here? Where am I?"
The king—Gilgamesh leaned back at his seat, swaying the glass of wine in his hand. "You are in the church, little mongrel. As for the reason why you are here, Kirei took you here after you collapse."
She collapsed…? Perhaps that assault of Truth was too much for her to handle. "Then… where is Kirei-san…?" she asked.
"Doing his preparation, it seems. There will be a… well, a celebration, you could say coming in a few days."
Kanao wondered if it was about Kirei inviting her as a 'witness'. "Thank you for sparing your time and answering my trifling questions, Your Majesty. Will you tell Kirei-san that I went home in case he gets worried when I am gone in the church?"
"He had been expecting that you would do that, little mongrel. There was no need to tell him."
"I see." She stood up again, bowed to him once more. "I will be going, King Gilgamesh. Thank you… and I will always be honored to be graced by your presence."
When she was about to open the door, a chilling voice told her. "Did I tell you that I will let you out of my sight?"
Kanao wheeled around, but the King was no longer in his seat. However, the inhibiting presence was now right beside her, a pressuring gaze targeting her. The presence was a little similar to the night when she visited Kirei in the park as their 'final meeting'. "King Gilgamesh," she slowly said, daring but slightly hesitant. "If you want accompany me to my abode, you can do so by asking."
"You have quite an instincts you got there, little mongrel." King Gilgamesh materialized—appeared beside her, seemingly impressed. "Perhaps I should have taken Kirei's words seriously."
"What… sort of words did Kirei-san told you about me, Your Majesty…?"
"You are not going back to your abode." The King decidedly ignored her words. "You have a destination in mind to visit."
"…no, I am not." But Kanao wondered how he knew. Was he like her…?
"Then rejoice, little mongrel. A King will accompany you to your destination."
"Thank you, Your Majesty," she bowed gratefully. Although she wondered what made him do it. Perhaps it was only by whim, she thought. She had read that ancient Kings can be spontaneous and almost thoughtless of the things they wanted to do, with a simple reasoning that they can.
It was a quiet walk. An intimidating quiet walk. With the King beside her, although he was in spirit form as he reasoned that a King like him shouldn't be seen lightly by other lowly mongrel, Kanao can't help the goosebumps rising on her spine with such an inhibiting presence.
Powerful, she knew that much that King Gilgamesh was a powerful servant. And a person not be messed with, especially that he carried a Kingly grace that Kanao read—and observed—that he was a tyrant during his time. She kept reminding herself to be careful.
Although she was accompanied by an inhibiting presence, they arrived in their destination that felt like it was simply minutes.
The gate with a towering, pointed building ahead among the forest.
Kanao blinked at the change. It was the same towering building she remembered, but it wasn't pointed as before. She squinted, scrutinized its muddling appearance. It wasn't as clear as before, as if the mirror became cracked under pressure. It gave a cohesive impression at first glance, but if you looked… it's like the painting—the shape of painting can no longer hold it anymore.
"The mage can't no longer hold it anymore," a voice echoed within her head, startling her as she didn't expect the King would speak. "They're dying," he said bluntly, as if his words were the absolute truth.
And indeed, it was the Truth. For the person who held the illusionary magecraft was already—Kanao believed—to be dead.
…
"I have been waiting for your arrival, Kanao."
A voice was sent directly through her mind as soon as she—or they?—entered the house. As always, Kochou Shinobu was no longer clear in her sight, her figure misty and dark as she stood—is she standing?—waiting for her. "We meet again, Kochou Shinobu," Kanao greeted her gravely, now knowing what happened to her appearance.
"No need to be formal to the dead, Kanao," she—or it?—told her. "Didn't I tell you we would meet on the other side?"
"But…"
"I know, Kanao. Why did I tell you that when I am right here, as a ghost, haunting this illusionary mansion as if nothing happened? I know what I said. I just simply reminded you."
"But why are you here?"
The dark figure glided to the window. "I asked the same question at first. Why am I still here? I remember how I died, I remembered how I lived, and yet… why…? But later I realized, I didn't want to die. I don't want to. I want to live. To live—and be… happy. I just wanted to grasp a single moment to live… a normal life as I died in this forest." The dark figure shifted, a small tendril rising as Kanao observed to be Shinobu's hand. "And here I am. 'Living'. Living within this forest, trapped and helpless and unable to walk away to actually live my life."
"…I'm sorry." Kanao doesn't know she apologized, just felt like she has to.
"It's not your fault, Kanao. If I have to blame someone, it would be Nee-san. Telling us to live when she was risking her life to kill that creature, Kibutsuji Muzan, by herself…"
That one made her curious. "That… fight. I thought I have already defeated him myself." After all, her sanity was stretched and eventually broke during that fight.
"Ah. You're not wrong. You did defeat—killed him." There was an uncomfortable pause. "But… who you defeated was not Kibutsuji Muzan, but rather the vessel."
"…eh?"
The misty figure of Shinobu sighed as it lowered its figure, sitting down. "Your… Eyes are powerful, but it has its own limitation. The Eyes' main function is look, observe, and gather data then stores it to the imaginary number space pocket. But the main goal of the Eyes is to look for 'Truth'." The figure shifted again. "And… the Truth you saw during that fight—the Origin you saw was not Kibutsuji Muzan's.
"It was Kamado Tanjirou's Origin. And you… 'killed' it."
Huh…? "Then I killed him…?" she said, horrified at the realization. She wasn't in the right mind during that time, her magic circuits she's trying to control—control at the best she could, but she does vaguely remembered a single moment. A single second that felt like her mind snapped.
Kill.
"Now that you have… acquainted with the Mage Association—or rather the Clock Tower, I'm sure they called your eyes as Mystic Eyes of Hollow Perception.
"Remember this: Perception. Your Eyes depends on the user's perception, how they saw the world and they see other people. In other words, you can only… observe what was familiar to you. It weighs on your experience. That's the reason why you killed… him instead of the creature because you didn't personally knew him or familiar of who Kibutsuji Muzan truly is—of his motivation, of his behavior. You didn't know his Truth—his Origin."
"But Kanae…?"
"Nee-san's kindness knows no bounds. She knew who he was because she's the one who saw the creature within Tanjirou in a single look." Shinobu said, bitter as if she scorned her sister but Kanao knew it was otherwise. "She must have observed that some of Tanjirou's behavior became conflated with Kibutsuji Muzan. Granted, Tanjirou's familial love for his sister was more about the boy, but the man—the creature inside him slowly influenced him. Or maybe it was the other way around."
Kanao remembered the time when she asked Tanjirou about his sister. His response was so contradictory of his usual self but she chose to turn blind eye to it and closed her eyes from it. She should have known it wasn't him, although it didn't took a day to reveal himself as it was the day—night—where she, Inosuke, and Zenitsu fought him. I wonder where they are now, she found herself wondering. Kanao knew they survived because they were taken away from safety from that final battle. They must have really hate me, she thought. They would hate her for killing their precious friend like that when the reason why they fought in the first place was to save him.
"Unsightly," King Gilgamesh echoed as slowly materialized beside her. "Truly unsightly."
There was a pause, and then, "may I ask who you are?" Shinobu asked sweetly, perhaps too sweetly to the point it was dripping with malice.
The King scoffed. "Horrible conduct, phantom. Take an example of this little mongrel when she addressed me earlier."
"…may I ask who you are?"
"Then I have no reason to announce myself for those who can't see my grace. Then again, you are dead. Humans who can't be seen from my gaze has no qualifications of being my subject."
Kanao can feel Shinobu's disbelief from the King's words, and she discreetly bowed to her in apology in his behalf.
"Anyway," Shinobu started despite her confusion. "Why are you here? You visited for a reason, right?"
"Well…" Her unanswered questions was already answered, and now Kanao felt a bit silly that it was immediately responded. Then a thought came to her. "The reason why I am here was already answered but… what does Aoi has something to do with all of this?" Her friend—Aoi had no relation with all the… business they had the creature of the night so she wondered why she was dragged—no… why Aoi had stayed in this mansion.
"That's simple. She found me, and my dead body." Shinobu replied matter-of-factly. "And she's the one who… laid a foundation of this ghost form I have."
"…magecraft?" Kanao surmised.
"Something like that, I guess."
"…where is she anyway?"
"Taken away."
"Taken… away…?"
Shinobu ghostly shrugged, if Kanao's perception is accurate. "Her parents finally found her. Aoi was quite convinced they weren't looking for her. Seems like it wasn't proven right."
"You're calm about this," Kanao observed.
The ghost sighed. "It just means my time has come. Besides I have no regrets to stay here anymore." The dark misty figured glided towards Kanao until it pressed to her front, the tendrils wrapping around her back and shoulder, as if hugging. "Ah. If only I'm in my physical body I could have properly embraced you. Thank you… for fulfilling my sister's selfish wish, Kanao. You lived, and I hope you will continue to do so. Don't follow my example, alright? Follow a life without any regrets and be always happy. Just… live, okay?" Then her voice—despite being unclear the whole time that Kanao had a hard time to comprehend it—went low. "Choose better friends. That's my only advice for you."
For once in a while a chuckle bubbled from Kanao unexpectedly. "Thank you, Shinobu-shishou."
Kanao can feel a faint pat on her back as the dark figure leaned back and glided back to the previous position earlier. "Well, then. This mansion won't hold out that long, I would advised both of you to leave now."
And so Kanao did, while King Gilgamesh mutely dematerialized beside her. Shin—o escorted her—or them?—to the door. Then Kanao remembered certain words resurfaced in her mind. "Shi… shishou," she immediately corrected as she had already forgotten the name. "Until we meet again. On the other side."
Somehow, as clear as day, she saw a smile so bright entered her perception. "Until then."
…
Kanao sighed as they returned to the church, as she sat in one of the pew that was close to the door. How strange, she reminiscent. She was expected to be shocked at the revelation that was served to her as if a food in a platter but she calmly took it and accepted it almost indifferently. Perhaps nothing can surprised her anymore.
Kochou Shinobu has been dead the whole time, Kanzaki Aoi has been found by her adopted parents, she herself has killed Kamado Tanjirou accidentally—everything feels like a glance in a single page then turning it over to the next one. What sort of revelation will she receive next? Will it be another turn of page?
And then she asked herself. What exactly is Truth? It was a sudden thought, driven by curiosity. "Your Majesty?" she called to her invisible companion. He materialized in another pew sitting at the first row.
"What is it?"
"Will I ask for your wisdom?"
That seem to catch him off guard as he turned his blond head a bit. "I'll allow it," he said eventually.
"What is Truth?"
"It doesn't exist."
"…pardon?" Kanao didn't expect that answer.
The King huffed, as if amused at her response. "No need for a pardon if you have heard me for the first time. Yes—as my wisdom speaks, the Truth doesn't exist."
Troubled, she wondered if King Gilgamesh's 'wisdom' was just an opinion of his, his kingly opinion so to speak that he simply categorized it as a wisdom. But then, she asked: what is wisdom, truly? An opinion based on experience? A collection of knowledge that eventually born beliefs and good judgement? "Your Majesty, might I ask you to elaborate your words?" she said, slowly and cautious of his temper.
He sighed. "To think you would ask that… Very well. You have done nothing to offend me and thus a worthy subject of mine." He disappeared from his seat, then appeared in front of the altar standing at the podium. Kanao thought how the cross behind him and how he carried himself suited him, as if there was a ray of light welcoming his presence. "However, sit before me and listen as I speak. For I am about to teach you the meaninglessness of Truth."
Without question, she sat at the tiled cold floor, facing the King who materialized a golden throne then in a blink of an eye, she was blinded at the glorious golden armor he now had worn before her. "I… I am honored to be under your tutelage." She bowed as gracious as she can.
The King nodded in approval. "You may raise your head, little one." Kanao bristled promptly at his words. "Then I will begin. That is right—Truth doesn't exist. Or rather Truth is meaningless, as I have told you. People has the a galling yet understandable tendency to put meaning of the things they lack of understanding, and so Truth becomes nothing, becomes something—turning it into a meaningless husk of vessel of what was once Truth."
"But aren't this… things they don't understand they were just trying to identify it?" And also he's contradicting himself, she thought, he said Truth doesn't exist and yet he talks about it as if it was still there.
"I know your thoughts, little one, that I am contradicting myself. I am aware that I am. Truth has the tendency to do that because of the surroundings Mystery it has around as if it doesn't want to be understood.
"You did ask for elaboration why Truth doesn't exists—my, of course, that's the conclusion of my wisdom about Truth. After all, my words are absolute, and therefore it is a Truth."
So Kanao was right then—it was an opinion of his.
"But I do have a further elaboration for it," The King continued thoughtfully. "I have recognized that Truth is complex, and an attempted to reach it will possibly lead to a disintegration of mind and perhaps body. It is an unreachable apex that no mere human should set their sight upon it.
"Truth should be unreachable, as I would say. If someone should do so will lost the meaning of it, and will reach a conclusion that everything was all but meaningless. Truth will not give you satisfaction, but it will only offer you nothing.
"And so—I say: Truth doesn't exists. Only perception is real. Perception will give you what you want as long as you look, gaze, and observe. It will give you what you want and in return, pleasure, gratification, fulfillment is given back in response. Rejoice what you saw with your own eyes! For what you saw, smell, hear, touch, and taste are the only Truth that exists in this world!"
In other words, everything around us are Truth. Kanao wasn't that far off, she guessed. After all, this was the same response she said to Tohsaka Tokiomi and Kotomine Risei when they discussed to her about them wanting to reach the Root, which they implied to be the Absolute Truth. "Then the Truth," she said eventually, "is just a hollow perception."
"A conclusion that I will accept," King Gilgamesh acknowledged.
Kanao stretched her legs as she stood up, then bowed to The King. "Thank you for bestowing your wisdom upon me, King Gilgamesh. You have proven that I have much to learn."
"You are already a proven subject of mine. If you want to be bestowed for more glorious wisdom from yours truly, you can call me."
"I will."
…
It was warm afternoon outside the church, as she sat in the nearby bench facing the sun with eyes closed. The breeze caress her skin and her now long hair that has reach her upper back tickled her shoulder blades. A rustle made her open her eyes and set her gaze in the nearby garden. And went her way to touch the blooming flowers.
What the King said was a lot to take in. In general, today's revelation was a lot to take in. And surprisingly, she easily accepted all of it. If their words were the Truth, then she had no reason to deny them. There was no reason to ask. To ask.
Ask…?
"Seeing that you are from Fuyuki, can I ask you a favor?"
A strange suggestion. Kanao remembered when she was visited with that good-looking yet unnerving man. What was his suggestion again? She tried to remember. Ah—finally she recalled.
It was—
"Good day, Kanao," said Kirei beside her bench.
"Good day, Kirei," she greeted back. "Sit beside me?" she invited.
"If you will," he accepted.
—witness the Truth about the Holy Grail War.
"The Holy Grail War is still ongoing, isn't it?" she asked.
"…it is." He sounded a bit surprised, Kanao observed.
"You're still part of it, isn't it?"
"I am."
"Then shall I see it?"
"Of course, you will," Kirei gave her his usual hollow smile. "Rather it was the reason why I will invite you to witness."
"…really?"
"Yes."
That's good. In order for that man suggestion to be granted she has to be there during the conclusion of the Holy Grail War.
Er, what was his name again? Oh, she recalled.
Animusphere.
If Kanao grants the suggestion that was given to her, she had already given him a condition for her to do it.
Her freedom.
…
Author's Note:
The Kanao chapters might be/will be revised when this fic is completed. Because it felt like I'm writing at bare minimum than I usually did when writing this one.
That aside, the next chapter will be the final one, and it won't long as the previous chapter. Probably similarly lengthy as the prologue.
Once again, I'm sorry for the quality of this chapter. Before I knew it, college is approaching and I just wanted this to be done before the start of classes.
See ya in next update! (probably around December)
