Translation by Jessinthedungeons.


Chapter 32 - Don't send me flowers, send me narcissus


I felt myself floating as I stepped into the middle of a dense fog. I allowed the fog to close around me, even though I knew I had to fight, that I should hold on to my consciousness and not let myself sink, but a part of me wanted to keep floating in the fog and let death take me away. But there was something pulling me out.

I opened my eyes in the middle of a sigh, as if resurfacing from being submerged for too long. My vision was blurry and I felt so much pain that I felt numb, as if my consciousness was only semi-connected to my body. Because I could tell it hurt, but I couldn't feel it the way it should. And that worried me, this disconnection.

— She's awake. — It sounded like Eddie, but I wasn't sure. — Hermione, can you hear me?

— Yes — my voice sounded strange to my own ears. The memory of my last conscious moments shook me and made me panic. I couldn't move or see and it felt like all my muscles were tense. A growing terror swelled my chest. — I can't feel… — Anything, I wanted to complete.

— Hermione, do not try to move — it seems like Poppy Pomfrey's voice. Her voice was soft, but I could hear the stress in her tone — you suffered a splinching and lost a lot of blood. We are working to cure it. — Poppy inhaled and became quiet. — Eddie that is not… — what the head healer of Saint Mungus was about to say was muffled. — Hermione, I need you to stay calm.

As a healer and countless times a patient too, I knew that this is much easier said than done. My vision began to clear, something that should have made things better, but had the opposite effect: being able to see caused the artificial lights to burn my eyes even more and a wave of hysteria crept through all sides of my consciousness. Each new spasm made it more difficult to sit still. I forced myself to control my breath to take over my own body and force it down, but it didn't work.

— How… bad? — I coughed, trying not to choke on the lump in my throat. — The truth.

There was a pause.

— Even after the first dose of antidote, the poison is not facilitating the cure.

Very bad. Maybe I didn't need to know.

— H-how... Did you know the poison?

— Yeah, he told us.

Hermione felt something stopping her from breathing and another spasm of pain, hard to say where, but she also heard the noise of a spell.

— Perfect. — Poppy sounded momentarily relieved. — Oh, bloody hell! Your heart rate is too high, Hermione! I need you to calm down.

— I can't. — I whispered. Breathe! Panic and pain steadily increased as each sense returned. My vision and hearing seemed very sharp.

— Thanks to Merlin, — Poppy said suddenly. — Come here!

I had a moment to question before I felt something that wasn't pain: a hand in mine. The warm green eyes and face of my best friend filled my field of vision, comforting and familiar. Harry. He looked awful, and the next moment our eyes met, I saw fear stamped on them.

— All clear? — Eddie sounded grumpy and impatient. — I need to get her off the ground in the emergency area. Is it safe?

— Sufficient. She's stable. — Pomfrey replied.

I would have sobbed if I could.

— It has to work. I'll make arrangements. — I heard Eddie get up, his shoes squeaking on the floor as he ran.

— Potter, hold her arms when I levitate her. Snape…

Severus. I had no idea he was there and I didn't see him until they pulled me off the ground. A trail of red stained his chin and there was dried blood on his hands. Another cough burned my chest. He looked away.

— Pomfrey, what…

— Shut up, Snape. I'm busy putting her back together. Make Hermione relax.

It was impossible when I felt torn inside. The closeness made me look back at Harry first, but the fear in his eyes rekindled my nausea. I slowly turned my gaze away from Severus, keeping my trained focus on him and it was infinitely easier because I couldn't read him; I didn't know what he was feeling or what was going through his head. He kept that stone facade.

The world slowed further as I felt his warm hand press against my forehead, his other slip to hold my hand as I coughed; my body trembled with heavy breaths as I struggled for air. Severus squeezed my hand enough that I could feel the slight tremor in his.

— Madame Pomfrey. — Harry's voice was weak.

— I know. I'm doing everything I can.

The pain in me grew again, stronger and more complex, muffling the sound of everything except my own ragged, panting breaths. A storm of emotions and fear raged inside me, crushing everything. The shock began to blur my vision and numbed my senses and faded the colors around me. There was nothing but the sound of a voice speaking a word. An appeal.

— Hermione.

Everything fell into a loud, deafening silence. Time passed through my fingers like smoke and I felt lost in the center of an endless maelstrom, where darkness and light fought for dominance; they pulled and dragged me from one extreme to the other as if I were on a cosmic pendulum. I forced myself to breathe, but ice and fire were the only things getting into my lungs. My world was reduced to a roaring sea of pain, despair and hopelessness.

— Help... — A cry for help struggled to leave my lips.

— She's scared. — Severus's voice echoed.

There were voices and orders given, I could hear fragments of sentences and footsteps ran around me, and I felt myself being pulled down, suffocating in my vacuum of pain. But there was an energy around me that had a name and allowed me to hear his voice whisper in my ear "Hold on".

— Snape, hold her steady. — I heard my boss order.


I felt the light burn me and welcomed the warmth as I landed in a field that stretched farther than my eyes could see. The wind was a gentle breeze all around me and brought the sweet smell of a bed of roses, wildflowers and an orchard full of fruit. Further to my left was a river flowing, making its way through the countryside and changing course right before my eyes, coming to meet me.

I dove deep into the clear, icy water, washing and healing myself and the feeling of the wind on my clean skin when I emerged, was like a stroke in my well-being. I allowed myself to be carried away by the golden rays of sunlight dancing around me in the current of the water. Laughing, I reached out to the flowers that dipped on the shore and touched the silk petals gently, and the sunshine lulled me again, calling me back to the warmth of the earth.

I climbed onto the bank and lay down on the grass, watching a fluffy white cloud slide across the dazzling blue of the sky. I smile sweetly, feeling a real joy to be in this lonely place. I slid my arms into the flowers around me, feeling once again their softness. It was beautiful. Magic ran through my veins and I felt water pour from my fingertips, watering the flowers beside me. I felt weightless, like I was pure magic.

— You're hallucinating. — The voice seemed to have come from the cloud that I was looking at a few seconds ago. A narcissus sprouted from the Earth and its petals opened to reveal a vial. — Drink.

I did as the cloud commanded and looked again, the landscape pulsing in even brighter colors trying to get my attention. And as soon as I smiled, I was floating with the breeze between my fingers as I watched the cloud that spoke to me turn into an effervescent rainbow. I wanted to touch the rainbow and reached out, but the colors slipped through my fingers like mist. It was the first time I realized that my landscape looked like a dream. Or a nightmare.


I opened my eyes suddenly and sucked in as much air as my lungs would allow to clear my clogged airways. The lights above me were hard and cold. Saint Mungus. A face invaded my field of vision: green eyes, black hair. Harry. He couldn't disguise his shock, anxiety or relief.

— How the hell are you awake? — Harry asked in amazement, I tried to turn my head, but I felt gagged from nausea and suffocated from shortness of breath. I couldn't breathe or stop choking. — Madame Pomfrey!


My landscape did not lose its brightness and the flowers kept swaying in the breeze, while the rainbow wrapped around me like a warm and peaceful hug. The narcissus fed me with their sweet jars and a drizzle fell from the sky, but I remained dry as I picked the lush white roses that bloomed. But something was off. Every time I tried to focus or started wondering where I was, the world became more vibrant. It worked for a while, until I heard the sound of thunders bother my ears.

— Breathe.

My pulse shifted with the spike of fear that slid down my spine. The sunlight cooled and awe sharpened my senses until she could perceive the inconsistencies in my field: the rainbow that hugged me, the colors too strong, the petals too satin. Nothing was right. I screamed into the emptiness around.

— We found... we found ... please!

— You're not there. — Neville's voice was weak in my ear. — She can't hurt you anymore. It's not real.

But the pain was. Then my voice continued screaming and pleading, hoarse and broken-weak from the agony of the cruciatus that was making me spasm on the floor of a room. Every muscle in my body tightened and I gnashed my teeth as I convulsed to the manic cadence of Bellatrix Lestrange's laughter.

— Drink.

In the midst of my agony, I couldn't take the potion.

— Knock that shot down her throat! — Poppy's voice cracked.

I choked as the liquid trickled down my throat and the tightness in my chest eased enough to let me let out a desperate, gasping sigh. Then another. But the air felt like lava in my lungs.

— She is burning inside even with all the cooling spells... — Neville whispered from somewhere.

— Elemental magic, Hermione. Your body is mostly made up of water. Force it to calm the fire inside you. — Severus was out of sight, but close.

I followed the thread of his voice and the world came into focus to reveal him above me. His pale, tired face and eyes fixed on mine. He was normally warm, but now his hands felt cold with relief.

— Temperature dropping. Heart rate too.

Severus seemed to have crawled through all hell.

— I'm still here. — I heard him whisper, before I blacked out again.


I was sliding my fingers on top of the wildflowers when something changed. Pain. Broke into the field and attacked me from all sides. Entering every pore of my body and infiltrating every bone, muscle and nerve. Another shocking reminder of the torture I suffered years ago.

A bottle rose from a narcissus next to me, and the voice rose like a shadow.

— Drink.

The word started my memory. Every order to drink the jars that appeared, I always obeyed. I always trusted that voice and took it. The narcissus were a creation of my subconscious to remind me that the voice that took this dark form, would not hurt me. The shadow hovered beside me; its presence calmed the flames within me and healed my charred skin, but it did little for the pain. When I drank the potion, I enjoyed the relief until my chest let out a scream with residual agony.

— It hurts. — I murmured.

— I know.

— I'm so tired. — The liquid from the potion cooled the fire inside me. — I want to leave, Severus.

— It's almost over.

The fog began to clear and my chest constricted as tears burned my cheeks.

— Stay with me. Please. — I cried so much that I thought I would break. — I'm tired of being alone.

— You never will be.

The glow of the world faded and something dark and huge rose from the depths, wrapping its arms made of darkened shadows around me and dragging me into the darkness. I wasn't surprised to see Severus in my dreams, but he disappeared like a candle flame that disappears when the oxygen runs out.

— That's not a dream. — I heard him say it.

But it was, for there was only darkness and a cold void, calm as a stream and cool as a breeze. A peaceful silence and so absolute and lasting that it penetrated my soul. I hovered above that current of air as I wondered if this was what it must feel like for someone who wasn't afraid to fly.


I felt carried by that emptiness for a long, long time. But just when I thought the darkness would last forever, beams of light cut through my darkness and pulled me out. A sudden crash sounded, the sky cleared again, and all visions disappeared. My consciousness crawled through my confused and groggy mind. Memories flooded me in a wave that froze the breath in my lungs as my vision sharpened, I heard myself groan at the clarity.

— Oh, fuck! — It was Cho's voice.

It was brief and quickly I returned to my flowery landscape, sighed and lay down under the sun; it was hot on my face and body. I still had the company of the shadow, but only for a few seconds. I think my field of flowers was too colorful for her darkness.


The next face I saw was bathed in rays of sunlight filtered through the window: Ginny.

— Where am I? — I forced my voice out.

— Shhh. — A damp cloth touched my forehead. — Dreaming of the most beautiful girl at Hogwarts. — If I could, I would have laughed at Ginny's fun, but I did not have the strength to react. — Back to sleep, love.

I obeyed, helplessly.


Reality overtook me as if I had overdosed on adrenaline, enough to lift me into an upright position, but I couldn't feel my arms or legs, let alone move. I was only able to blink and breathe. Needing to calm the growing panic, I focused my efforts on the simple act of wagging my fingers. The relief that accompanied the sensation was palpable.

— Neville. — I could identify Cho's voice anywhere. — Madame Pomfrey. Wake up!

— It's too early for her to be awake.

Excuse me? There was a sudden clatter to the left before a disheveled Pomfrey Poppy entered my line of sight, a faithful portrait of post-duty healer: tousled hair and tired eyes. And then there was Neville, who looked poised as ever, slightly dejected but relieved. Neither of them spoke at first, they just exchanged glances. I turned my gaze to Cho as if she had all the answers, I was more than confused. Even more so when my boss ran her hand through her hair and swore.

— Can we hide this? Neville looked deadly serious. — She's not ready.

— It's the middle of the night. We can't smuggle it in now. — Cho bit the corner of her fingernail. — The plan was to take her during the day.

— Not an option in her current state. — Pomfrey shook his head. — At the very least, I need twelve hours before enough of the potions are out of her system to transfer her safely.

I moved my fingers to get someone's attention. It wasn't enough.

— The atrophy…

— Get out of head healer mode, Pomfrey. — Cho sounded tougher than I had ever heard her talk to a former teacher of ours. — The media is a bloody circus down there. Dean and Harry keep arresting Ministry officials and reporters trying to gain access to this room and, oh, let's not forget our biggest problem: The Bastard.

— Coarse language aside, Cho is correct. — Neville spoke Cho's name with a kind of familiarity that piqued my curiosity. — You and Eddie have a conference to update the media on her condition in the afternoon. Is that enough time?

— Robards will be around for an inspection before then. — Pomfrey replied.

Hermione blinked quickly, but no one noticed.

— She can pretend. — Cho stated.

Excuse me?

— I'll make sure that Harry will be here with her and professor Snape during the inspection. But warn professor Snape to control his temper or…

I had never been so confused, not only by Cho's words, which quickly evolved into a quick three-way debate, but I couldn't wrap my mind around anything enough to keep up with the conversation. My gaze swept over my surroundings. Situated at the edge of my peripheral vision was a colorful display with multiple vases of elaborate flower arrangements. They were beautiful, but my eyes fell on one of them: a narcissus.

Insignificant to some, but it meant the world to me. It was good that I could not speak, for my heart was in my throat.


I awoke suddenly once more, and now I could feel my limbs come back to life. I still struggled to move, but I was able to open and close one of my hands, wiggle the fingers of the other, and flex the toes on both feet. I wanted to look where the narcissus should be, but I was blinded by the light of a wand.

— Welcome back again. — Poppy directed the light into my other eye. — How do you feel?

— I don't know, — I replied, My voice raw and scratchy. Poppy reached out and brought back a glass with a straw. I took a sip, the water tasted better than anything, but she wouldn't let me swallow more than two. — What happened?

— Too much. I'd rather not burden you. — She looked over her shoulder. — Go get him.

— Right now! — Cho's footsteps echoed across the floor before the door opened and closed as Poppy unleashed diagnostic charms and Neville lifted my bed.

Pomfrey seemed pleased with the exam results, but I kept looking around the room. There were plants and flowers on every surface.

— Looks like the poison's out of your system.

— You can... — I coughed, and my chest ached with a phantom pain. — Tell me the truth.

— Okay.

Neville took the mediwitch's place when she moved in, but he didn't have that patience radiated from him in the way that calmed me down.

— How long has it been? —I asked.

Poppy looked extremely uncomfortable.

— Two weeks.

I tried to absorb the intestinal punch with the news. The last time I could remember, it was day seven, which meant it was now twenty-first and I had no idea of the time either. I just knew it was dark. Not that it mattered. Again, time passed without my knowing it, without my having any memory of it, just as when I was petrified. Blinking at the ceiling, I took a deep breath to calm down. At least I tried. Neville held my hand but said nothing as I looked away to swallow the growing lump in my throat. But there was nothing that would change the past. There were more pressing matters and questions that needed answers.

— My injuries?

— Later. — Neville muttered.

— Please. — My eyes wandered to my boss, who still had the scroll in her hand, but didn't look at it. She didn't have to.

— Damaged lungs, a concussion from the head injury and an abdominal laceration. — I remembered all of them. — The Snapping and the venom were the biggest concerns. The poison stayed in your system too long and we had a hard time treating it because of it, batrachotoxin is resistant, but Severus had the idea to mix the antidote with the blood replenishing potion to force it to act faster and it worked. — Poppy paused so that I absorbed her words. — Your body is under a lot of stress and you are on an obscene amount of potions right now. We had to be creative with the combination.

— I don't feel much of anything. It's hard to think. I feel like I could sleep for years, but I know I woke up. A little pain, but…

— If you are able to feel any pain, I am shocked, but we have begun the process of weaning you from the heaviest potions. We can manage it carefully and keep it as comfortable as possible.

For the first time I paid attention to the state of my arm, wrapped in heavy bandages, I could barely feel my fingers.

— How bad is it?

— Your arm was partially torn off, so the bandage is to protect your new skin. The biggest damage was to your wrist — Pomfrey touched the tips of each finger. — We did as much as we could, fixed the ligaments, grew new skin and new bones, but you will need physiotherapy and time to heal.

— Will I fully recover? — My eyes watered when I held my gaze in the hand of my wand. This is a nightmare.

— At the moment I am not sure, since it is not my area of expertise. Healer Cely thinks that there is a high chance that you will end up with a tremor and believes that you should start physiotherapy as soon as possible. Nothing was done on that front because we wanted to see how you were when you woke up. You had two seizures and a cardiopulmonary arrest in the middle of all this and…

— Okay. — I felt this news like a strong wind. Stunned, I shivered as I struggled to process it all, but I knew there was still more and my curiosity would not allow me to be left in the dark. — Continue.

— The seizures were the result of poison, not stress.

That didn't make things any better.

— You mentioned splinching, I just... where?

— You unconsciously tried to apparate inside the castle to seek help faster and damaged your right side. He lost skin, muscles, hair, some fingers, and half of your leg in the process. We replaced and grew again what was lost, but... the process was not simple because of the batrachotoxin.

Pomfrey lifted the covers a little and I saw the bruised, raised skin that stretched from my knee to my foot. A straight line. Half my leg in the most literal terms. No wonder…

Neville covered me back.

— What else? — I swallowed it dry.

Poppy's face changed to concern. — Let me know if…

— Just tell me.

Poppy and Neville had a quiet conversation that ended with the latter waving before she continued.

— We grew you skin and muscles and used healing charms and as much dittany essence as we could to close the wounds. But there will probably be scars on your arm and on your right side. Eddie had to sew it muggle style to hold it together long enough for the antidote to start working before we were able to start repairing the damage. The poison…

— The dagger?

— Yes. — Neville nodded after Pomfrey gestured for him to take over. — It wasn't just going to be used on you. The idea was to injure as many members of the Hogwarts staff as possible and cause chaos as the rebels tried to storm the school.

— It didn't work, did it? I remember…

— You stopped her. — Neville stated fiercely.

My mind was racing. — Vector.

— We need to talk about it, but we are also in the middle of the night and we have to find out…

The rest of my assistant's words were lost. Memories flashed wildly in my mind. Harsh words, Vector attacking me, spitting on me. I crawl across the hallway floor until I reach Hogwarts hospital wing.

Neville's hand rested on my shoulder, squeezing it.

— Your heartbeat has increased. — Poppy's concern was evident despite the calm she tried to project. — We don't have to talk about it.

— But we have. — Neville frowned slightly. — A lot has happened since then and she needs to be informed of the basics, at the very least.

— Like what? — I asked.

— The public outcry after the attack has put the Ministry in a position where they must take decisive action. Wizengamot is publicly monitoring a murder investigation, but we know that our former teacher would hurt other people, which would make it easier for the rebels to attack and that she was only stopped because of you. Professor Snape snatched the information out of Vector's head as she ... — Neville paused, studying me. — Dean has some reliable Unspeakables leading a secret investigation into the rebels who are still actively moving. He is keeping it a secret for now, but hiding places have been found all over the country. They learned more from those memories that Vector "gave", than from the investigations the Aurors made in recent years combined.

— What about Robards? What is this inspection about?

— He has been visiting daily in an attempt to convince Madame Pomfrey to allow him to check your memories. He seems particularly fixated on the idea that you murdered a female employee of the castle and tried to get your memories of it three times while you were unconscious.

— I don't remember anything right.

— And that's why he wants your memories.

I know I only defended myself from Vector's attack, but something tells me that Robards wants these memories to somehow tamper with them and accuse me of treason. The knowledge of having been attacked and still having someone wanting to sabotage me while I was in the hospital was a painful sword cutting through my reality. Heavy emotions wanted to float on the surface of my consciousness, perhaps they were waiting to bleed from the day of my attack, dying to be felt.

— You've been through a lot of trauma. — Rest. — The calm that was Neville Longbottom was reinforced by his hand on my shoulder.

— He's right. — Poppy put the parchment on the table. — It will be the only way for you to heal.

— Alright. — My sad laugh sounded slightly hysterical to my own ears. — You spoke like a healer and not like the boss in a hospital without enough med witches.

— Or as a friend. — Poppy hit gently.

I lowered my head and looked to the side to avoid the swelling in my throat, the condition of my body, and the memories of the scars and bruises I could see. And the ones I still couldn't.

— I know better than to order you to do anything, but I mean it when I say no heavy lifting. Nothing strenuous or stress-inducing. The poison has left your body fragile, and you need to rebuild your strength. Right now: no reading or writing. And at least for the next three weeks: no physical or mental work, no goals, no magic performances. I'm serious, Hermione. Nothing.

It wasn't like Poppy needed to tell me that. I didn't have the strength in my body to do anything, let alone fight. There was a quick knock on the door followed by a softer one. Poppy stood by me as Neville went to open. I was waiting for Cho's return — and there she was — only overshadowed by the presence at her side: Severus.

Neville grabbed his shoulder in support as my boyfriend walked in, and a glance passed between the two men before the former followed Cho out. Poppy did the same, closing the door behind her after muttering something to Severus, which I didn't hear. Not that I bothered, I just had eyes to watch him. Severus was dressed impeccably, but looked exhausted and very pale.

He said nothing as he pulled a chair to the left side and sat down. The silence lingered as he took my hand unharmed. His palm almost swallowed mine whole as he held it and dipped his head. Not to kiss my fingers, but to rest my fist against his face, finding comfort in that simple touch.

I knew the best wasn't words, so I slowly opened my hand to feel the warmth of his face in my palm, ignoring the scratch of his growing beard. When he leaned into my touch, it was almost palpable the tiredness that rolled out of him, spreading through his demeanor, his eyelids hanging at half-mast over his eyes. I wondered if he would sleep holding me like that, or if I should let him go to rest.

— I have a few minutes. — His words were calm, spoken only to me — they want you to rest.

— Did you bring narcissus to me?

His eyes locked with mine.

— That's a strange question, Hermione.

I sighed, blinking my eyes to keep from crying.

— I could hear your voice when I was...— I coughed lightly to clear my throat. — I was somewhere, there were narcissus there.

— Scorpius sent them. — Black eyes still staring at mine. — He wouldn't let me leave without them.

— Scorpius?

— He's with the Potters. Ginny has kept him busy, she says he loves gardening. On the day of the attack, he felt something, even without knowing anything.

— How is that possible, Severus?

— Draco suspects Scorpius of clairvoyance. And I know how skeptical you are about that, but when Potter asked me to go over there... I've never seen that little boy so upset. Draco hasn't left his side since, and I need to go back and forth with news, or Scorpius won't calm down. He always sends you a narcissus. From day one.

I closed my eyes and the first stab of pain bloomed in my chest.

— What's going on? — Because I knew Severus wouldn't lie to me. He never lied. — I feel like there are a lot of missing pieces in the puzzle I'm trying to put together.

— In the morning we can talk.

When Severus tried to let go of my hand and started to stand, I squeezed his.

— Stay.

He stopped and looked at me, carefully, I made enough space for him on the small bed. Severus was careful with every action as he wrapped an arm around me and I turned my face to him. The breaths that followed were measured by the beating of our hearts as the silence stretched to infinity. Foreheads touching, eyes drinking each other, we blinked slowly. He looked at me with something he had no words to articulate. Feelings ready to be expressed, but held back under the weight of the attack I suffered. Severus's hand curled into a fist on the blanket that covered me was the only insight he gave into the true state of his emotions under the waves of exhaustion.

— Have you been sleeping? — I murmured softly and wondered if he could even hear me.

— I haven't been able to.

Startled by the painful answer and lost in the wave of the unknown of the days when I was unconscious, I reached out as far as I could, using almost all my effort, and touched his face, sliding my thumb over his cheek. The rest of my energy was devoted to brushing my lips against his, and letting them linger as if there was nothing more vital in the world than giving him a single kiss in this fragile moment. Firm but soft, Severus didn't stop kissing me until his heavy eyes closed and his body slowly relaxed. He was breathing deeply within seconds. And so was I.


The pain was a shock of icy water. Terrible. But underneath it was a startling jolt of clarity where my mind, body and emotions all fell back into place. My body seemed to have been passed through a grinder, and my mind was broken into pieces — both were dulled with the smallest doses of potions. The loosening of the connection in my emotions was slow. Not that I was going to have a panic attack, but the realization of what had happened could be dangerous. What I had been through; what I had survived; the fear; the pain and helplessness of being a victim, and yet using violence and becoming a murderer.

Memories fought a war in my mind. Relentless, they forced me to feel everything, staggering every memory and leaving me paralyzed with thoughts I couldn't express. I looked at nothing, without blinking. I was hungry but unable to eat. Exhausted but unable to sleep. Seconds felt like minutes, minutes felt like hours, and hours rolled by like days.

I woke up alone, with only a few scrolls by my side. They were children's drawings: a tree signed by James, some people — bodies made of scratches and a circle like the heads — holding hands clearly made by Albus, and a small flower that could only have been from a certain boy. The handwriting on the side was not his, Scorpius was too small to already know how to write more than sign his own name, it was probably written by his father, after all, I would recognize Ginny and Harry's handwriting. "Stay well". I didn't know if my heart was broken or if the pain I felt was because he was healing.

For the next half hour, I held Dean's hand, while Harry sat quietly beside him, looking thoughtful but wisely keeping to himself. The moment was broken when they had to go. Their visitation time was over and Poppy check-in began with a long hug and a new recommendation of no work until I was well enough. So, she got to work, guiding me with what potions to take and when.

By the time Neville arrived, Poppy had already managed to coerce me into eating something, even though I didn't have the stomach for it. And now Cho was worried about the state of my partially lost hair on the right side, but all I felt was the paralysis of the poison in my body as I tried to drag myself down the aisle.

— Cut it. — I ordered.

Everything stopped.

— What? — Pomfrey looked incredulous. — It's just one part shorter than the others.

— Cut as much as you need. — I insisted.

— But your hair took years to grow. — Neville genuinely looked sad.

— And it'll grow back. I just... I need to cut it.

Cho didn't ask any more questions, it was as if she had calmly understood.

More than expected from the right side was left behind, then she washed and dried it. I thought I would feel something with my hair cut, but all I felt was that I was lighter; relieved and reasonably happy to have a sidecut similar to Severus's.

— When can I go home?

That's all I wanted to do. I needed to feel in the privacy of my own world. Go home, take time to heal my wounds and recover.

Everyone exchanged glances. Obviously, there was something I didn't know.

A knock on the door made everyone stop. Three wands instantly pointed at the door so fast that it surprised me. But the second softer beat made them relax.

— They're early. — Severus peered at his head.

I didn't like the way his words got the whole room going. Everything was a blur of movement that left me reeling even though I was standing still. The spells were uttered while Pomfrey and Neville gathered everything in a hurry. All evidence that I was awake — glasses and leftover hospital food — was gone and both quickly left. Neville went to prepare everything for my silent discharge, while Pomfrey prepared the examination scroll.

Severus and Cho exchanged a few words in the corner before he appeared next to me. His only response to my obviously unusually cut hair was a quick wink.

— Do you remember the occlumency lessons?

I frowned at the question. — Is this about my memories?

— Yes.

His response took my thoughts back to the Neville and Poppy discussion. No way was I ready to have my mind invaded by Robards or anyone else.

— What do I need to do?

Due to my debilitated state, Severus gave up on making me occlude and told me that all I needed was to pretend to sleep. That was easy enough. I slowed my breathing, closed my eyes, but left my ears wide open.

There was a knock on the door and the sound of multiple footsteps indicating that Robards was not alone. I first heard Harry's greeting, noting the way he spoke to Cho formally. And then it was followed by the greeting of our boss.

— Sir. Snape, miss Chang. — Robards paused, and I knew that he was looking at me. — I see Miss Granger's not up yet. What a pity.

— That's right, she didn't wake up. — Cho's tone held a cutting edge, not exactly like a blade, but something elegantly jagged. — I believe that Mr. Potter informed you of this on your arrival.

— He did, however, I wanted to visit and continue to offer my humble additions to the overwhelming number of wishes for recovery that fill this room. I am concerned for her welfare, as is the rest of the public. I confess that I am very avid in my desire for more information about her condition.

— She's always been a fighter. — Harry's comment had etched the weight of respect he has for me. — She has done a lot and we must allow her to rest imperturbably. Sir. Robards, if you want, I can accompany you back to the Floo.

There was a long pause.

— Thank you, yes.

Cho put her hand on mine. Too soon.

— Actually, there is something I would like to say. — Robards's voice sounded closer, almost as if he was standing right next to my hospital bed. — Sir. Potter, I beg you to see reason and provide the Ministry with the memory of the unfortunate event.

I expected a rude answer from Harry, but he was not the one to answer.

— The DMLE is conducting an investigation with the Auror Office and the Wizengamot is taking the lead. — Severus's voice was firm. — What exactly are you investigating, Robards?

— I'm just helping in any way I can. Her memory can solve some lingering questions. I want answers like everyone else. How could something like this happen inside the castle…

— I'm sure there are many other things you could do, Robards. — Severus walked towards the boss, and I knew it was him from the methodical way he walked. — I can think of two right now: give statements that reduce the fear of the population and increase the level of security to prevent another attack.

— None of which require his presence in Hermione's memories, — Cho added.

— All right. — Robards cleared his throat. — I've tried my best and it looks like this matter will need to be dealt with officially.

— It's shocking to me that you know how to do this.

— Oh, and there you are, Sir. Snape — teased Robards. — This spark of temper that you so strictly hide, but made sure to display in the extraordinary court last week. I confess that I am confused to find you here when you should not be so publicly close to the collaborator in question.

Court?

— Other than the simple fact that I administered the potion that saved her, the reason for my presence is not of your concern. — Severus hit back.

— I must remind you that we may not be within the walls of the Ministry, and you may be on administrative leave pending an internal investigation into your actions, but I am still your superior and demand respect towards me.

— My respect cannot be demanded! — Severus's voice cracked.

The last time I heard Severus sound so rude was on the afternoon of the argument with Robards himself where I attacked my boss with fire magic. The strong tension around me made it difficult to keep still and continue to feign unconsciousness.

— Professor Snape — Cho's tone maintained a silent appeal for civility. But Severus did not apologize.

— Sir. Potter. — Robards's voice was thick with frustration. — I understand that you and Mr. Snape are…

— Friends, Mr. Snape and I have settled our differences and nowadays I can refer to him like that. And as for Hermione, my decision to not let anyone mess with her head while she is unconscious after suffering so many injuries was made because I am the family she chose. — The bed moved when Harry sat next to me. — That's not what she'd want. It is unethical, no matter how difficult it is for you to understand this. Then we'll wait until Hermione wakes up.

— I believe that Miss. Granger would like to help with the investigation. — Robards tried.

— And she will. — Cho, to my complete surprise, was the person in the room who wisely still kept calm. — When she wakes up. Come now, allow me to accompany you to Floo.

I didn't move until I heard the door open and close and waited a few more seconds if they passed before I opened my eyes. I looked directly at Harry, whose face held a hint of color, he was in palpable irritation, as intense as my greed for questions.

— What now? — Talking hurt, but I did it anyway.

— We have everything ready to take you out during Pomfrey's statement to the media. I'm going to sign papers and ... — the rest of Harry's comment is lost. He left my side and then the room.

I ran a trembling hand through my hair, and my head hurt harder with each passing second.

— Do you need a pain potion?

— Not yet. — I tried to breathe through the growing discomfort. — I'm trying to organize such memory.

— Stop. — Severus walked around the room, while I followed his movements wondering and questioning his next action. The brief thought that he would leave died when he took off his robe and dropped it on the table before picking up two flasks and approaching the bed. — Here.

— I don't…

— Drink.

My breathing stopped, reminding me of my hallucinations. I shook my head, trying to sort out the mess in my mind, while Severus just uncapped the first jar.

— You were hallucinating and no one could make you drink the doses of the antidote.

— Except you.

— To the surprise of some, you listened to me. — He cleared his throat and looked down. — Drink the potion, Hermione. I believe you once told me that it is stupid to suffer unnecessarily.

As in the field of dreams, I drank the potion and returned to him the empty bottle. Then the second. The relief was instantaneous. I watched Severus return the vials to the table and take something from the pocket of the robe he had dropped on top of it. Flower.

— From Scorpius.

— I admired the delicate narcissus he handed me. — Somehow these flowers were there in my mental landscape. — There was a twist in my gut as physical as the pain that had been appeased by the potion. — You talked to me through my illusions. And now I know that the flowers that handed me the potions were the representation of Scorpius's little hands... I don't know how it was possible, but I think you two saved me.

— He and I are in that prophecy with you. — Severus said, watching me intently.

It was all still obscure and my pragmatic head always prevented me from accepting divination as something real. I remembered the first time I saw that vivacious little boy and his amazing blue eyes. I remembered his happiness, when he emitted those sparks from my wand and how that moment filled me with hope even in the midst of this storm of war that we still live. Scorpius was real. I relaxed against the pillows and decided to ask Severus something about the day of my attack.

— Did you find her at the library door?

He nodded. Severus still looked tired, despite how vehemently he had stood up against Robards. Not as exhausted as last night, he had at least shaved, but still, much paler than his usual self.

— Yes, I was the first to get to her.

— I couldn't warn you about it.

— I followed the trail of your blood. The floor of the castle was covered with it, it was an ugly scene. — Severus ran his hand over his face, trying to shake off the weariness, but careful what he would say to me. — I found her where she attacked you. Lots of blood, but still alive. I managed to tear out her memories, the occlumency she practiced had already collapsed given the state she was in.

— And did you manage to see if there were others? — I paused. — Traitors, I mean.

— Not in the team, at Hogwarts, she was the only one, but there were other rebels preparing to attack in different locations. We neutralized them all and Potter was called in to be the face of labor in a bid to bring hope to the terrified population.

— And what did Robards say about a tribunal?

— It's a relatively long story.

— Does that involve me killing someone?

— Partly. — He pinched the bridge of his nose and rubbed his eyes again. — I would say more, but the conference with Poppy is in two hours and you seem overwhelmed.

— Just like you. — I whispered.

Severus's eyes slid to me, but I looked down at my bandaged arm, then to the side where I knew the scar from the poisoned dagger puncture would be. Looking at my injuries made me feel uncomfortable, raw and vulnerable, and my mind started racing at high speed about what had happened.

— I prefer not to be alone with my thoughts.

— I have no intention of leaving you with them.

His words did not frighten me, his tone did, but Severus did not move. The quietness led me to keep being honest.

— I remember the attack. — My words were silent, almost a whisper. — The library doors, the swearing she uttered... I remember choking and my fingers paralyzing. I remember thinking I was going to die. — I blinked hard to avoid tears when the barrage of my emotions began to collapse. — You must take away my memories now.

Severus extracted his wand and summoned an empty vial. I closed my eyes when I felt his hand reach my shoulder and gently pull me against his solid chest. I focused on his chin against my head, the tip of his wand on my temple and inhaled his scent and that sense of peace I felt with his presence.

Her hands grounding me couldn't stop me from feeling the last bit of calm receding as I brought the memories in front of the others. On any other day, I would have been successful at rejecting everything, I was talented at occluding, but today, I was bruised and in pieces, broken. My wet face was proof of how exhausted I was.

—I can't keep them in here. — I explained.

— You don't have to.

There was bravery in fear and incredible willpower to surrender. My nod was barely perceptible, but he understood, and it wasn't long before he spoke again.

— It's done.

I tasted a little peace, even though I felt like my soul was drowning under a wave of emotions, and I held on to Severus like a salvation, landing in his embrace as I let that sea flow. A sob tore through me when I finally allowed myself to seek comfort and shelter in someone other than myself. Tears fell as I realized that I had never found this in anyone, someone I trusted so much that I found solace only in their embrace; in their touch.

At the rhythm of his heart and with the unintelligible words that Severus whispered against my head, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to immerse myself in this moment of feeling. Of succumbing.


Final Notes


Scorpius Malfoy is back; the story is moving towards the end and I owe an apology for the delay in updating. I promise to make it up to you soon. Kisses, guys!

Translation by Jessinthedungeons.