Hello there!
It's been *checks notes* ten years since I last updated! What a wild decade it's been.
I haven't the slightest idea if anyone is still kicking about in this side of the woods, but even if you're not, I want to say to whoever is reading this that I appreciate you. I see you! Not in a creepy way, but in an emotional, heartfelt way.
I've never stopped thinking about these two crazy characters. I'm such a different writer/person than I used to be! And yet, reading up on this fic again has reminded me how much this story has seeped into my other works over the years.
Where have you been, Love? i hear you asking! To hell and back, babes! But I heard some not happy things about the state of this website and decided I can't let my two wonderful characters to stay separated. So if it's true that this site might not be around for much longer, I'm determined to see their story through to it's happy ending! Turns out. I actually have the next 5 or so chapters written They've been sitting on my laptop and many other through the years. I don't know why I never had the nerve to return you all. They're actually really good, the latest of which I wrote in 2016 and STILL didn't comeback. Compared to the bits I had to edit, I'm surprised I was so insecure about their structure. But I suppose that's hindsight for you! Things feel worse than they are. And I was so afraid to disappoint my readers. But now I don't know what's become of the lives of my dear friends, and I won't want to return to that awful feeling ever again.
So here's the deal: The next five chapters are ready to go with minor edits! Updates are, as they used to be. Every Wednesday.
However, I still haven't finished the story with those five chapters! Ha! Very close, I estimated 2-3 more before I stopped. But as I said. I'm a different person. A different writer. So while those five chapters are uploaded. I will be working on the very last ones. The ending of Blue Red, Chained Wolf, in this the year 2023. I'll try to wrap everything up in a nice, beautiful bow for everyone who comes around. And to everyone who might come around:
Thank you.
Love, Hikarin.
PS: For those who forgot and those who are new here, the normal font is Red's POV, while italics are her thoughts!
When you see this 000
italics become Wolf's POV. (his thoughts are in bubbles)
Have fun! And please review - even if t is to say, hi - i missed you. or, hi, nice to meet you!
I care about you all deeply.
000
So, just to recap all new and validated information received just prior to right now.
One: Wolf has, basically, admitted to everything.
Two: Apparently, smoking will not only give him cancer, it also has the ability to make hurricanes happen.
Three: The Sheriff and the Swinehearts are still miserable bags of horse manure who deserve bad things to happen to them.
Four: Even though Wolf did do all those things, he's still he sweetest, kindest person in the planet, just like I always said and knew he was.
Five: And I know why he's so hard on himself now, and why he's always putting himself down and why he doesn't think he's worth anything.
Six: And I'm going to make sure that he knows he's stupid for thinking that and I'm going to make sure he doesn't feel that way anymore.
Seven: I really don't care about anything other than him right now.
We're alone in the cell, just him and me, and I almost can't believe I'm saying this but…it sort of feels awkward. Extremely awkward.
I laugh a little in spite of myself. I smooth out my skirt in an effort to distract my nerves. Maybe it was the fact that we hadn't had the time for it to be just us these days. It definitely was never like this back home. Even when we first met…it felt so natural.
I don't know…maybe it's the fact that we just went through a whole roller coaster ride in just a few hours. Wolf just told me a big part of his story and…
I looked up at him. Just as I thought, he was looking down himself, looking as unsure as ever. It wasn't like him, so naturally, I wanted to figure out a way to snap him out of it.
"So…stuff happens when you smoke, huh?"
Wolf smiled, scratching the back of his head, which I actually found to be kind of cute because he always did that when he was embarrassed.
"Yeah, I was meaning to tell you that."
I laughed a little. Wolf smirked and grabbed my wrist, pulling me closer to him.
I obliged him and turned around so I could lean into him. His chest was a pillow for the back of my head and he wrapped his arms around my waist. I traced my fingers on top of his wrists, biting my lip. Although I felt amazingly comfortable, I couldn't make my usual nerves go away. He had to spread his legs in order to make room for me, and although I was mentally mortified I really didn't care. He obviously didn't mean anything by it, so I didn't freak out. It was basically a battle of This is an extremely compromising position, Red and Who cares, it feels sooooo good. Which begged the question of whether I was the pervert in this case or if the prude living inside my head was having a stroke.
I decided to let them duke it out on their own.
I felt Wolf's smile above my head, apparently aware of the moral situation and having a laugh about it.
Living Jerk.
He'll never change.
And I'm overwhelmingly okay with that.
Snuggling closer to him, feeling warm and relaxed. I started thinking over everything again, not exactly with a purpose in mind. In the end I began to figure that the only reason Wolf was in this mess, the only reason he seemed to have a problem with himself, was because of the things he could do. His powers? I don't know, sounds more like a superhero thing. Not like Wolf at all.
I began to wonder…but then I stopped myself. Wondering played a large part of everything that went wrong here. I didn't want to jump to any more conclusions, not if I didn't really know.
"Somethin on your mind?" Wolf asked me, tucking a stray hair inside my hood.
Not just one something. "A little."
He smirked, like he could read my mind, "You can ask, y'know..."
Really? "Really?"
He pulled me closer, moving me high enough that now my back was up against his chest. I felt myself getting warmer as his breath reached down my neck.
"You just heard a whole lot from me, Red," he murmured against my ear, just enough to make the rest of my skin get goose-bumps, "I'd have questions too, if I were you…"
"But…"
I didn't want to force it out of him again. Not like before, I think I learned my lesson.
It's like he sensed my hesitation. He ran his hands over my arms, and I felt the reassurance go through me. For a moment I closed my eyes, just to make sure. I didn't want to lose him over asking questions again. I felt too scared for that to happen again.
"I…" he started, and I could tell his usual gruff voice was a little weak. Meaning I was right, he was struggling. He wasn't completely sure.
I placed my hands over his, holding tightly. If I could get him to be the strong, sure-of-himself Wolf he always was with me, I wouldn't ask for anything else. I wouldn't even think about asking him to tell me about himself, I just wouldn't care to know as long as he was okay with me. If it caused him pain to think about it, then I don't even want to know. I don't want him to hurt.
Wolf had other ideas.
"I want you to ask," he said suddenly. There was something in his voice that felt stronger, "I don't mind. Really. Promise. So ask away, got it?"
He wanted me to?
I waited for some sort of hesitation again. Maybe he would back out again.
But he didn't.
He was actually smiling a little.
Okay…so I'll ask him something.
Yeah. Only until he starts to mind. I'll stop the minute something feels off.
"You sure?" I gotta keep asking.
"Positive."
"You'll tell me when to stop if you don't like it?"
"Are you asking me questions or taking my virginity?"
I pinched him.
He laughed.
And maybe I did feel a little bit more sure. More relaxed. I just didn't want to over-step my boundaries. I took a good look at him, for one final okay. He had a sort of laughing look on him, maybe he wanted to test my curiosity but then again, I knew that wasn't something he'd do. It's not what this was about.
"Fine."
"Fine," he mimicked.
I pinched him again.
Treating it playfully might have been his way to make us both feel okay. Like it was back home. The awkwardness felt lessened.
If it's what he wants, I'll ask. But I'll be extra careful about it.
I took a breath, here it goes, "How is it that you can do all those things, Wolf?"
He shrugged, "I was born with it. All of it."
I looked up at him, "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Huh.
"I thought you had to be bitten to become a werewolf."
"Nah, not me. It just happened."
"Just happened?"
"Accident of birth. Maybe I was born in a certain day of the year, stars aligned a certain way. I didn't ask for it or anything, life just figured I would draw the sort straw and it happened to me," Wolf leaned his head back, like he was actually considering to tell life off, "Before that…I thought I was normal."
He looked tired. Like all his life he had had this secret grudge against the world and today he was just too worn-out to care about it anymore.
"Did you know? That you could turn? And about the other things?"
Wolf shook his head, "No. An' it sure as hell didn't help that I was an angry-ass teenager. I would've freaked out and stopped at the smoking part if I hadn't ever gone to the construction site..."
"Freak out? You?"
"I was different back then."
It was kind of hard to think about Wolf being different.
I leaned back, closing my eyes and hearing his slow breathing.
"You know…I really was normal back then," he said, quietly. Sadly. "I would've never done any of those things…it's just…shit happened to me and I couldn't take it any more that day."
His voice cracked. When I looked up at him, I could see that he covered his eyes, his teeth grinding as he tried to keep himself together. My heart broke when I saw it.
"Wolf…" I said quietly, turning slightly to touch his face, "What happened to you? Why were you alone?"
Why did he have to suffer that much?
When he opened his eyes, they shone with a certain blue light that I couldn't place. He looked at me a certain way, like I was more than me, something bigger, holy or something. I was about to say something about it, but he ran his thumb across my cheek and my breath hitched. He buried his face in the crook of my neck, breathing deeply. Like I was real enough for him. I ran my hand across his head, comfortingly.
"My mom died when I was just a kid…" he said, holding me tightly, "She was the only person I had, so I was on my own…I lived in an orphanage for a little while, but I ran away. I never stole or anything, tried to live a honest life, but no one would give a street punk-looking kid a chance."
I thought of my mom. I couldn't begin to imagine how it'd be like to lose her. I knew how bad it was to lose my Dad, but I always had Mom and Granny. I still had a family. Wolf didn't have anyone though.
I began to imagine a hundred different lonely nights. No one to tell you 'I love you' and no one to reassure you that things were going to be okay. And then I remembered the first day I met him, how he said no one cared about him. No one thought anything about him.
I can imagine how you could make someone up out of those lonely nights. Someone to be, someone strong, someone who didn't care about anything. Someone who, apparently, had everything figured out, who had the whole wide world for a home and didn't worry about a thing. Who liked it better that way.
But the thing is…you aren't really that person, are you, Wolf?
That's just someone you made up. A character you learned to play so well that you ended up believe it.
So, when someone would ask you about your past, you were reminded of the broken you that lived behind your eyes and inside your soul. The you that you never wanted me to see. The you that you forgot about, forgot so bad that you ended up believing there was nothing inside at all.
You just did that to protect yourself.
And no one understood that because you never told them.
Except for me. And I'll never be sure why.
"I'm sorry, Wolf."
He looked a little surprised.
He half-smirked just out of habit, "You didn't do anything, Red."
"I know…but someone has to apologize to you."
000
A year ago, had any one attempted to apologize on the world's behalf, I would've told him to take his apology and shove it up his ass.
But y'know, now…maybe it was stupid.
I wanted to blame someone for it, I even blamed myself for living.
Maybe the only thing I had wanted all this time was for someone to apologize. Someone to tell me that I wasn't meant for everything that got thrown at me. It wasn't my fault, it was an honest mistake and I got stuck with it. That they didn't mean for my life to be a living hell. Sure as hell didn't do it on purpose, hated that it happened to me. Something.
Coming from Red, it sounded honest enough.
So…World, God, whoever's writing this story…if you wanna go around and say 'my bad, sorry'…well, fine. I lived this long, so I guess I didn't have it so bad.
Anyone else would've buckled down, but I kept on for some reason…
Maybe that reason is Red.
I know I wouldn't be thinking this way if not for her. She changed me.
"You know," I said, taking her chin and looking into her pretty emerald eyes, "for a long time I kept running around, not thinking much about life…till I met you."
I felt her surprise. And how her heart skipped a beat.
She kissed me and I swear to God I don't regret my life anymore.
000
Usually, Wolf would try to pull something.
Try to deepen the kiss, try to lead me away from reality into a world only we could understand. But right now, he just felt me. I could feel how much he took from the single little kiss I gave him.
I know it wasn't much. I know it isn't nearly as good as the ones he gives me. I don't know a lot about it, I don't know how much you're supposed to give or take, I don't know the rules. I do things on instinct. I hold back because I'm not an expert. It takes me a while to catch up and be bold.
So even though I might be the clumsiest, most naïve kisser on the planet, at least he knows it's real.
I sure as hell don't have any false pretenses. Not a plan to work with.
It's only the second time I kissed him, so when I pull away a little I'm shaking like crazy and my face feels like it's on fire.
But he feels just as tense. His breath quivering over my lips like he's holding back. Like he wants more but would rather have what I gave him. I don't really understand it, but then, Wolf does a lot of things and I let him because I trust him that much.
My head gets a little hazy and I look down, taking his hands into mine. Wolf pressed his forehead on mine. We stayed that close.
This isn't how I thought it would be a week ago, when I asked him to tell me about his life. I can barely believe this is all real, and on the other hand I know it is.
I had one more question to ask him, and even though I already knew the answer, I thought it'd be better if he answered it. More for himself than anything.
"Wolf, why didn't you trust me with the truth?"
His eyes shots down with his uncomfortable look again, "It's not about that -"
"Yeah, actually, it sort of is."
000
She's right.
(Red's always right.)
I sighed, "It's just…you thought I was innocent and I just…"
"Anyone in their right mind would automatically assume the best when it comes to the person they care about, Wolf, it's up to the other person to be honest and tell them the truth about what's going on."
000
In spite of everything, he smirked, "You care about me?"
I blushed.
"Stupid…of course I do, didn't you learn anything?"
000
Ah, Red. Looking down that way you do, I can't help wantin you. I don't really think about the things that come out of my mouth. Me asking if she really does care, thinking out loud, I don't expect anything by it, it's usually just me joking. Laughing at myself, maybe. But then, there goes Red, answering honestly like that. Just makes me want her more.
"Wolf?"
"Yea?" I say, still looking at her while she's tryin to stop blushing.
"Did you…think that if you told me the truth, I would leave you here?"
Her words snap me out of my daze.
As much as being with her feels like a dream, she always manages to bring me back down to earth.
"Wolf?"
I held back another sigh, "Yeah…I did."
"I guess that makes sense."
"Any normal person would've, Red."
She smiled. Not any kind of smile she had before, and there's a gleam in her eyes.
"Who told you I was normal?"
I can't help laughing and in a second her sweet voice joins in. She leans in and I relish in her being so close to me.
I smiled, "You learned that smirk from me, little Red?"
Even though she blushes she keeps on smiling and doesn't look away, "You're a good teacher."
"Just stay away from construction sites."
000
He put his hands on my waist and looked at me in that special way of his. Like I was precious to him. My heart skipped a beat just at the thought. I almost wished I'd stop being so girly.
"I was scared to tell you."
"I know," I said, wrapping my arms around his neck. Shaky as ever, I still placed my forehead on his again. My insecurity wasn't enough to stop me from finally telling Wolf everything I wanted to, "It's okay to be scared, Wolf...it doesn't mean your weak."
He smiled a little wider, "You really think so?"
"You're stronger for it."
Wolf didn't say anything, but placed both his hands on my waist. I could feel how he gently went up from there, my body heating up with every little centimeter. Like he was tempting me to pull away. I didn't. Not even when I could feel his touch in my back and my heart started drumming like crazy.
Then all at once I felt him pull down my hood. I felt shock more than the sudden coolness around my head. He's never done that before. For a second I thought he wanted to be funny and try to tick me off, but no - the minute I felt him run his fingers through the hair in the back of my head, I knew he meant something different.
I felt a static shock go through me, enough to make me jolt a little. Not because I didn't like it, but because…as ridiculous as it sounds, my hood as always been a shield for me. I felt almost vulnerable without it.
Vulnerable…like Wolf has been feeling this whole time.
"How come you always think the best of me, Red?" he whispered softly, looking at me like some sort of holy woman without her veil.
What's more that Wolf actually makes me feel that way. Special and important. The more he plays with my hair the more he looks at me like he likes me better without my hood. And that means something. Because I use it to hide from everyone. And I can never hide from him.
I bite my lip, looking down just to keep from bailing when I don't want to. Not when he's so unbelievably close to me.
"Because I believe in you," I said, "And I'm always going to be here for you. No matter what."
Wolf leaned in closer to me, giving me one of those almost-kisses that drive me crazy. The ones that make me want to pause life for a hundred minutes. Where in a breath I could feel him against my lips and want nothing more than that feeling to continue.
From around his neck, one of my arms slipped. My hand lands on his chest and I clenched at his shirt, because I'm not strong enough to kiss him again but I want him to know that I can feel his heartbeat and it makes me the happiest person in the planet to know him.
Wolf placed his hand over mine, tightly holding it as if he just read my thoughts,
"Thank you."
