A/N: Thank you KirikaAndo, Fifita pe, Miki-mouse716, YaoiLovinKitsune, SomebodyWhoCares, SenSen-Chan, kuppcake, and Llurker for the reviews! I really appreciate it! Let me know your thoughts on this chapter, it's always the highlight of my day!
ch 23: downfall
She's good enough to fuck, but not good enough to marry, right?
The words dripped like acid from Masashi's mouth. They burned and lingered like a bubbling and festering wound around Heiwa's heart.
And oh, how it hurt…an aching type of pain she hadn't felt in a long time. She was frozen, eyes wide and heart pounding. The tray in her hands felt heavy – so heavy.
For a moment, she fully expected Byakuya to punch Masashi. Every part of him screamed violence – from the grit of his teeth to the tense line of his shoulders. But then he saw her standing there, and his expression shifted. His eyes went wide, and his lips curled around the shape of her name–
Her hands shook so violently that she dropped the tray she was holding. Glass shattered with an ear-splitting shriek, and liquid spilled across the floor. After that, the room became unbearably quiet.
Heiwa didn't even flinch. She stared at the two men, her mind a racing whirlwind of emotions; embarrassment and misery and certainly some rage as well. She wanted to scream – probably would feel better if she did – but everyone was staring at her, and Byakuya looked so utterly terrified, and she couldn't bear it.
Suddenly, her grandmother was at her side, examining her palms for wounds and fussing over her. "What happened? Did you hurt yourself?"
Heiwa's throat went dry. "I…I don't feel good."
"Do you need to lie down?"
Byakuya was still staring at her, wide-eyed and pale. She forced herself to look away.
"The party is over."
Hotsu went rigid, still holding Heiwa's shaking hands between her own, "What?"
"It's over. The party is over."
Heiwa gave no further explanation and ripped her hands away, ignoring the whispers around her as she rushed out of the room, heart pounding and eyes hot with tears. She made it down the hall and around the corner when someone grabbed her arm from behind, forcing her to a stop.
"Heiwa, wait."
Byakuya's voice was calm. Much too calm, in her opinion. Heiwa took a deep breath and turned slowly, barely able to get her words out.
"Let go of me."
Her tone caused Byakuya's carefully crafted composure to falter – briefly, hardly enough for anyone else to notice. His brows furrowed, his eyes widening just barely.
He immediately let go of her arm and said, "I'm sorry. You did not deserve to hear that."
She's good enough to fuck, but not good enough to marry, right?
Heiwa flinched as the words echoed through her head.
Concern flashed across Byakuya's face, and he reached for her again. She instinctively stepped away from him. He stared at her, a heavy silence settling between them.
"Not here," she finally choked out. She motioned for him to follow her down the hall, which he did with no hesitation.
She led them towards the servants' quarters, knowing they wouldn't be disturbed. The servants were all tending to the party or were busy with their daily tasks. When she came upon a spare room at the end of the hall, she swiftly pulled Byakuya inside and closed the door. She could hardly look at him, keeping her eyes trained on the floor as she fought back her tears.
"Are you alright?" Byakuya asked.
Is she alright? Is she alright?! Heiwa glared at him and furiously declared, "Of course I'm not alright!"
Byakuya's eyes went wide, but he remained silent as she went on with her verbal tirade.
"All I wanted was a nice birthday party, and instead, you caused a scene! I'm embarrassed and humiliated and…" Her voice cracked, and she stopped herself.
Byakuya's face fell. He was quiet for a few seconds, mulling over what to say.
"I allowed my emotions to get the better of me," he said slowly. "I apologize. I shouldn't have allowed Masashi to speak a single word against you."
She's good enough to fuck, but not good enough to marry, right?
The words continued to echo between Heiwa's ears. She knew it wasn't true. It couldn't possibly be true…
Right?
She thought about the past few weeks. Despite the excitement and joy their budding romance had given her, Byakuya still had yet to clarify exactly what they were. Fragmented memories of their first kiss flashed through her mind.
"Heiwa, I like you, and you like me. Is that not enough?"
Oh.
How could she be so blinded by her desire that she failed to question Byakuya's intentions? How could she be so naive?
What Masashi said…was that not a vulgar contortion of Byakuya's own words?
"It's true, isn't it?" she whispered, unable to meet his eyes.
Byakuya clenched his jaw. He regarded her carefully before saying, "Heiwa, don't listen to a thing that mongrel has to say."
Heiwa slowly raised her head. She tried desperately to control her expression, to hold on to her tenuous control over her emotions.
"Byakuya, did you even get me a gift?"
Surprise flashed across the nobleman's face. He clearly didn't expect or understand the importance of her question. His mouth fell open, but nothing came out. He pressed his lips together, regret shining in his eyes.
Heiwa smiled. She shook her head and let out a strangled laugh.
"Forty years," she choked. "Forty years I've been in the Sixth Division. Every year I invited you to my birthday party, praying that you'd make an appearance, that you'd at least pretend to care about me. I thought…"
Her heart thumped painfully in her chest. She pressed on.
"I thought this year would be different. I thought you'd changed. I thought…you really liked me."
She stared at him, waiting for him to respond. But Byakuya only met her pleading words with silence.
Heiwa felt her heart breaking. Why wasn't he saying anything? Why wasn't he telling her that she had it all wrong, that he did like her, that he did want her?
She swallowed thickly and tried to speak as plainly as possible, "If you don't intend to court me, then I don't know what we're doing."
Byakuya's brow furrowed. "Is that all you want? Marriage?"
Heiwa recoiled, anger beginning to rot in her heart. "What do you mean, is that all I want? Byakuya, you know how important this is to me. You know."
He was quiet for a minute. His voice was hollow and monotone when he spoke again – like he was repeating a mantra he'd said so many times before.
"I promised Hisana I would never love another woman again."
A sharp pain pricked Heiwa's chest.
"I'm not asking you to love me." Her voice came out small and weak. "But you know my situation, just like I know yours. You're the head of the Kuchiki clan. It's your responsibility to marry and have children to continue the line of succession. That's your duty. If you don't remarry, then what, will you make Rukia the heir?"
Byakuya's nostrils flared. That told her everything she needed to know.
She smiled sadly. "Rukia is capable, and she would accept that responsibility with grace. But I know that you won't place that burden on her."
Byakuya shifted, clearly uncomfortable. He knew she was right.
"You have to re-marry eventually," Heiwa concluded. "Why can't you just choose me? We work well together, and more importantly, we get along. We're friends, and that is something most people in our position have few of."
She stepped towards him, close enough to touch him if she wanted. His eyes went wide, but he did not move away. She poured every ounce of sincerity she could into her words.
"I know you made a promise to Hisana. You don't have to break that promise. If you don't love me now, or ever, that's fine. Marriage doesn't have to be about love. It can just be two people working together to maintain a home. Can't you at least give this, give us, a chance?"
Byakuya's eyes clouded with some unreadable emotion. He looked away from her, his posture rigid and hands clenched at his side.
"Heiwa," he said softly. She stared at him, her heart pounding and head spinning.
"I will never marry you."
All the air was ripped from her lungs.
"I'm sorry."
She laughed bitterly. "You're sorry?"
Byakuya's face was blank. Still, he reached for her, his hand landing on her shoulder. She slapped it away.
The air was fraught with tension. Heiwa was humiliated and disappointed. But more than that, she felt complete and utter rage.
When Byakuya dared to repeat her name, she hissed, "Don't."
He stood frozen in front of her. Although his expression never changed, his hands were clenched at his side. "Heiwa, don't be like this."
Without raising her head to look him in the eye, Heiwa said, "You need to leave."
"Heiwa, wait."
Oddly enough, his voice sounded strained. But it was too late. She pushed past him and stomped over to the door. She held it open and hissed, "Get out."
Byakuya stared at her for a long time. Then, when he still hadn't moved, she huffed and barked, "Fine. I'll leave."
Without looking back, she stepped through the door and said, "I'll see you tomorrow, Kuchiki-taichō."
