Leo entered the dining room surprising his family.
"Good evening, everyone." He said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. He sat down and his father stood.
"Leo… I'm so glad you're joining us tonight." His father said and Leo nodded.
"I finally felt ready." He said.
"I'm glad you're here, Leo." Kai said, offering him a small smile. Leo saw his father's intention before he took his first step toward him.
"Stop!" He told him with mild panic in his voice. His father froze, stopping in his tracks as he'd been about to come and hug him.
"Right… sorry Leo, come everyone, let's eat." His father said, taking a seat and looking at him with concern.
The brothers ate quietly. No one knew what to say. Every time they expressed their love for Leo he reacted badly and in fear. As if he couldn't bear the thought of them getting close to him once more. Once he was healed and his tears had dried up, all he could do was push them away.
Eins reached out for the salt which was by Leo's hand and even that was enough to make Leo flinch and pull his hand away onto his lap.
There was the slightest of pauses from him, but Eins pretended he didn't notice and continued eating his meal as if nothing had happened. For that, Leo was grateful. He took a deep breath. He needed to stop these weak, stupid reactions. It made him feel pathetic and disgusting all over again.
Leo cleared his throat and drank some water before looking up at his father. "Father, about the signing of peace…" Leo said softly.
"Leo… these types of discussions are not for the table…" Viktor said, glancing at Adele with concern.
"I want to be there." Leo said.
"No." Viktor said firmly. Leo took a deep breath.
"Father… I need to be there." Leo said slowly.
"I will not be taking any of you there and that is final. It's too dangerous."
"Why would it be dangerous?" Leo asked, clinging to hope that his father hadn't figured it out.
"Think Leonhard, whoever wants a war is likely to try something then." Viktor said. "You all have to stay here, where it's safe."
"Father I need to be there!" He said louder and Adele began weeping, remembering how Leo had shouted at their grandmother earlier on in the day.
"You are upsetting Adele, Leo." Kai said holding his sister as she reached for a hug.
"Why do you need to be there?" Eins asked.
Leo lost it unable to maintain his composure despite knowing it was the only way to go to the peace treaty. He gripped his glass and smashed it against the wall across the room. Shadow began barking, Adele shrieking louder.
"I need to know what was so important that you would have left me in that place to rot!" Leo yelled at the top of his lungs. "Verstace is NOTHING! And yet I was worth less to all of you than that disgraced mountain range!" He shrieked.
"Leo calm yourself, now!" Viktor yelled coming toward him but Leo didn't hesitate and shoved him back as hard as he could when he was close enough. Shadow kept barking, the noise ringing in Leo's ears as his breathing began picking up.
"You all would have left me there to die!" Leo yelled. The talk he had with his father, the comfort he gained from his brothers when he was first rescued, it was nothing but a blurry dream. In his reality half of him was still in that dark room.
"Leo, stop it!" His father grabbed onto him, trying to ground him but Leo struggled.
"Let go of me! I wish I was dead! I wish I'd never come back!" These feelings were so overwhelming that they were consuming him and he could make no sense of his thought process or words.
Eins flinched from where he sat and stood to help his father. He just wanted them to feel a sliver of the pain he was carrying. Eins and Viktor alone could not contain him as adrenaline coursed through his entire body.
"Leo!" His brothers came to help their father as Leo struggled harder. Leo felt a sharp pain in his thigh and looked down to see Heine having injected him with something that made him stop his struggles little by little. He felt whoozy.
"I apologize, prince Leonhard." Heine said softly, his voice like a dream.
"Please… let me go… I have to go… I have to… find him…" Leo mumbled, collapsing onto his knees. He fell back dazed, looking up at their faces, Kai must be elsewhere with Adele, whom he realized must have been taken out of the room. Everyone was crying. His brothers, his father, even the servants and knights present were either crying or with a face filled with pity. Glancing back at Heine he saw the tears in his eyes too and a pain Leo had never seen in his teacher's face.
As Leo began to fall asleep, those faces haunted him. He'd done this… if he had died he would have at least spared them the ongoing anguish of seeing him in this deplorable state. No, that wasn't true… it would just have made it easier for Leo as he wouldn't be here anymore.
No… he didn't want to die… he wanted to kill that man so he could go back to the way he used to be. If he could go back to that… his family wouldn't suffer anymore. They wouldn't look like they blamed themselves all the time.
"I'm... sorry..." He mumbled, his own warm tears trailing down the sides of his face and trickling uncomfortably into his hair.
oOoOoOo
Viktor caressed Leo's hair and gently wiped away the tears from his princeling's face. His own, however, rolled mercilessly down his face and he had to sit back to wipe them away.
After they'd laid Leo down in his bed, all they could do was stare at his peaceful sleeping face.
"Father... when is the signing of the peace treaty?" Licht asked softly.
"It's a week from now. I must depart in two days and it will take me three days to get there." Viktor said softly.
"Is it... not possible for Leo to go? Maybe he needs to see the peace treaty to know it's over?" Licht said softly.
"No, you heard him... he wants to go to find that person, so he too must think that they'll try something then." Bruno said, standing to the side of his father.
"It's safest for you all here." Viktor said.
"But what about you, father? You are king. If they attack you, could they not start a war then also?" Bruno asked.
"I will be well guarded." Viktor said.
"If Leo went... he could spot the person at once." Licht said softly.
"They know this too, Licht. This is why, I believe that person won't show up himself, but whoever is paying him will. Or that backer may pay someone else entirely." Viktor said. "Trust me, my children. This is the safest alternative. We'll be ready when they strike and we will take them down."
"Why don't we explain that to him? Leo will not be so angry when he understands why." Bruno said.
"I pray more than anything that he will be willing to listen to my explanation. He exploded before I could say anything at dinner." Viktor whispered. "When he awakens maybe he'll be calm enough for me to explain."
Heine watched the pain in Viktor's eyes, and it hurt him not being able to help. He never expected to see Leo behave like that and it caused the pain in his heart to increase even more.
oOoOoOo
Kai bounced Adele gently in his arms as he caressed her back. "Shh... there, there Adele..." Kai said gently.
"I h-h-hate Leo... He's scary." She wept.
"I know... he was scary wasn't he?" Kai said gently. "Leo behaved very badly." He glanced at his grandmother who was coming to take her after drying her own tears.
Adele gripped onto him harder before going with her grandmother. Kai patted her head.
"Leo loves you very much, Adele. But he is sick right now. Maybe in time he'll get better and smile and talk nicely again." Kai said gently, wiping away the tears from her cheek.
"Did I do something big brother Kai?" She asked softly, eyes full of hurt. The only way she could understand is that she must have done something for Leo to be acting the way he was.
"No Adele, you didn't do anything wrong." Kai said.
"Leo will apologise soon, you'll see." Their grandmother said and took her away so she could sleep.
Kai watched her go and went to see how Leo was doing.
oOoOoOo
Leo groaned as he woke up after dawn. Somehow, he'd not been woken up by any nightmares and he felt rested for the first time in a while. That being said, every muscle in his body felt like he'd run a marathon. Sore and achy. As he saw the bruises his father left on his wrists when trying to calm him down, he remembered what he'd done the night before.
"Tsk... idiot." Leo whispered to himself. He shouldn't have reacted that way. Now his father was definitely not going to change his mind. He should have kept his feelings buried and tried to manipulate his father in a different way.
Now he was back where he started, no closer to finding that man.
"Good morning, prince Leonhard." Leo flinched, looking up, not realising that Heine was in the room with him.
"Heine?" He asked softly, remembering that he had been the one to inject him with something. He took a deep breath. "Thank you..." He mumbled, passing his fingers through his hair in frustration.
"You're welcome... but I apologise nonetheless." Heine said.
"I wish I could go to sleep and wake up when it's all over." He mumbled.
"Unfortunately, it won't be as easy as that." Leo nodded, knowing this already.
"When is my father going to the border?"
"He'll be leaving in a couple of days, until then he'll be busy finishing what paperwork he has to do before leaving."
Leo nodded, staring at the ceiling in defeat.
"You don't have to do this all on your own, Leonhard. If some day you wish to be king, you must trust the process." Heine said and Leo let out a laugh that he couldn't contain.
He sat up looking at him to assess whether he was mocking him or not. "Do you actually think I'm even considered half a candidate anymore?" He said.
"Your father has never said otherwise." Heine reasoned.
"He will. Once he thinks the time is right to tell my 'fragile' soul." Leo stood and went behind his screen to get changed.
"Killing a man doesn't exclude you from candidacy." Heine said.
"But getting my reputation destroyed would. Getting sodomised by a common criminal would do just that." Leo said, stepping out dressed in his everyday clothes. "I'm the White Lily of Granzreich." He spat out in disgust. "Pure, beautiful... desirable, apparently in ways I could never imagine." He said. "When news gets out of this I will be nothing." Leo said. Heine looked at him with sadness and Leo had to look away taking it as pity.
"Leo, you are so much more than the rumours the papers spread." Heine tried but he knew. He knew Leo had shut his heart behind an iron wall.
