"Julian, I just don't know what to do. I am not mad. I am heartbroken and worried." Tears flowed down Brooke's face as she spoke. "This is the fourth time that Sam has snuck out of this house. And she is STILL grounded for throwing a party in my store. I need some help, Julian, because I cannot figure out where to go from here."

Julian wrapped his arms around Brooke. His heart broke to see her so upset. He took Brooke's hand in his and looked her in the eyes. "Brooke…I think Sam needs a stronger consequence. I think she needs to really know that she has crossed a line that absolutely cannot ever be crossed again."

Brooke shrugged and said, "Julian, I've done everything that I know to do. The first time she snuck out and stole my ID and credit card, I talked with her. I felt like I got through to her. Then it happened again. She snuck out to see Jack and came back through her window at seven in the morning like nothing ever happened. I explained to her then that she was not to come and go as she pleased and that all coming and going would be through our front door between the hours of 8:00AM and 9:00PM during the week…extended to 11:00PM on weekends. And just last week she snuck out WITH JAMIE and held an underage drinking party in MY STORE. I told her that I had previously made myself perfectly clear and that she is to be grounded for 3 weeks. No exceptions to be made for any reason. And now here we are again. WHILE SHE IS GROUNDED! Sure I can add on to her current grounding, but will it do any good? I care so much more about HER than she realizes, Julian. Her actions do not make me angry, they break my heart in a way that I've never felt it break before."

"I know, sweetheart, I know," Julian cooed as he held Brooke close to himself. Brooke looked up into Julian's eyes, "I'm lost here, Julian."

Julian took deep breath and began saying words that he knew would be hard for Brooke to hear. "Brooke, if all of those things did not work with Sam, you've got to do something more." Brooke looked quizzically to Julian as he continued. "Brooke…you need to spank her." Brooke immediately sat up and looked at Julian like he had said the craziest thing she's ever heard. "What on earth, Julian? She's not 5 years old, she's 15!"

"Yes, I know, Brooke. But Sam didn't have the parental guidance that she needed when she was 5 years old. She has grown over the years and has not yet learned what most children learn in those years. Brooke…this is not something that you are going to do TO her, it's something that you are going to do FOR her. The boundaries that she needs to learn are boundaries that help her to respect herself. If she never learns to honor boundaries that others have set for her, she will never learn to set boundaries for herself. And it is SO IMPORTANT that she be able to do that for her future safety, happiness, and success."

Julian continued, "Brooke, spanking is not what so many make it out to be. When done properly, it is full of love, care, concern, compassion, and empathy. The focus of discipline is always on the actions of the child and never on the child's identity…no matter what kind of discipline is needed. It is very clear that Sam's actions need to change. She needs HELP with this. I fully believe that spanking her is the last step you should ever try, but that's where we find ourselves tonight."

Brooke looked up at Julian with renewed tears flowing down her face. She understood what he was saying and she simply nodded and said, "You're right. How do I do this, Julian? And how are you so wise?"

Julian chuckled, "Well…my mom taught a parenting class for many years. As I child I went with her and sat in the back of the room playing with my toys while she taught. I pretty much memorized the class through the years. Also…that's exactly how she parented me. I can only count on one hand or less the times when my mom actually spanked me. She was wonderful and loving and had an incredible way about her of communicating to me so that I always understood what was expected of me. When I chose not to follow her expectations, there were consequences. However, spanking was only used if I repeatedly chose over and over, despite other consequences and conversations, to make the same poor choice. It only happened about 5 times in my entire life. But I will tell you that I never left one of those times with my mom feeling anything less than loved. And honestly for me, it was like she hit a great big reset button on me when she spanked me."

Brooke nodded and took a deep breath. "Ok…I have definitely provided expectations, conversations, and other consequences to Sam. This seems to fit the bill for a time when a spanking is needed." Julian nodded in agreement.

"Brooke, when she comes in tonight, I can sit with you if you'd like while you explain to her what the consequences for her actions will be…but then I will leave and let you take it from there." Brooke nodded and simply said, "Thank you."

"Listen Brooke, the first thing you need to do is to express to her your concern and disappointment over her actions. Explain to her WHY sneaking out is so dangerous and unacceptable. Make sure she fully understands that. Once you know that she does, tell her that you are going to spank her. I will sit with you and back you up on that. She won't like it and will be very shocked by what you are saying. Stick to your decision no matter her reaction. Remember, you are doing it FOR her, not to her. Sticking with your decision and following through is the best way you can love her right now."

"Once you have explained that to her, I will leave. Discipline should always be handled privately between a parent and child. Have her go to her room or yours while you take a moment to take a few deep breaths and prepare yourself. Wait as long as you need to in order to ensure that you go into the room completely calm, collected, and full of empathy. Depending on what she's wearing, you may want to ask her to change into something that will allow you to spank and her to feel what is happening. I know that's hard to hear, but if this is going to be effective, it must hurt. Ask her to put on a pair of pajama bottoms or athletic shorts. You want to ALWAYS preserve privacy when spanking, and thin clothing will allow you to spank without asking her to remove any clothing, thus keeping her privacy in tact."

"Ask her to lean over the bed. Use a kitchen spoon or the back side of your brush to spank with. Give 20-30 firm swats to her backside. Once you are finished, ensure that her attitude is right. If not, repeat the process. Once you have finished and she shows a right attitude, express how much you love her. Spend time with her and allow her to cry. My mom always said in her parenting classes, "Discipline done right and with forgiveness and reconciliation is without a doubt one of the sweetest, most tender, most beautiful and most intimate parts of motherhood."

Brooke smiled up at Julian. "Your mom is a very smart woman. Also…does she still teach these classes? I think you just earned your mom a new student."

Julian chucked, "I'll tell her to sign you up!"

Brooke and Julian sank into one another and chose a movie to watch while they waited for Sam to sneak back into the house.