Summary: Takes place at the end of 4x13 and beginning of 4x14. The aftermath of the Sharpwin "family" fight and conversation from the BTS photos at Vijay's funeral that didn't make the cut.

Author's notes: I'm jumping forward in time a bit. I wanted to give the Sharpwin fans a little piece of something we should have seen, how Max and Helen resolved that fight about family. It's a little angsty, but ends in a good place. I still have ideas for the beginning of season 4, so I'll go back and do those at some point, but I think this is one we really need right now.


Saturday, January 22nd, 2022, London

Vijay. Dead! His heart wasn't exactly in tip-top shape, due to being ravaged by Covid, but the news still comes as a shock!

Max doesn't want to feel impatient with Helen, he doesn't have a right to be under the circumstances. But the phone call put their fight on hold, and it's all Max can think about.

He and Helen manage to find three last-minute tickets to New York, pick up Luna from her playdate with a new friend, call Hampstead to tell the staff that Helen will be out of town for the weekend, and make arrangements for Gwen and Calvin to take Luna for the day of Vijay's funeral.

The flight is long, exhausting, loud, and tense. Max and Helen are both trying to write up something to say at Vijay's funeral, but Luna won't stop asking questions like why they're leaving London, where they're going, when they'll be back, and how airplanes work. To cut off some of the distractions, Max puts headphones on Luna and plops the iPad in front of her. Miss Abigail should keep her occupied for a while, right? Although the newfound silence doesn't do much to quiet Max's racing mind. He replays the scene from earlier over and over in his head.

"Are we? A family?" All Max feels is Helen's cold glare. He assumed they were. Why else would she be okay with being called Luna's mum?

Gwen and Calvin pick up a sleeping Luna at the airport so Max and Helen can go straight to New Amsterdam.

It's good to see their friends again, even under unfortunate circumstances. When Helen says "we're family" after Ella says they needn't have come, Max tries to read her sorrowful expression. Did she mean just their friends are family? Or was she including him in that definition? But then Helen offers Max a half-hearted melancholy smile, and it eases his worries just a bit.

After a long and exhausting day, Max and Helen finally get settled in their hotel room for the night. It's stiff and awkward. Both of them feel the tension of their argument from earlier that day, but know now isn't the time to discuss it.

Max finishes his nightly routine before Helen and waits for her in bed while looking over Iggy's texts. Vijay's funeral will be at 11 AM the next day in one of New Amsterdam's conference rooms. In his opinion, that's relatively soon since he only died early this morning, but Hindu funerals tend to take place within a day or two after someone passed away.

Max glances at the text from Gwen confirming she and Calvin will be happy to hang out with Luna as long as he needs, then Helen comes into the bedroom. "Hey," he says in a hushed tone.

Helen just stands there, silently glancing back and forth between Max and the other unoccupied twin bed.

What's going on inside her head? he wonders. Does she not want to sleep in the same bed after our fight? To his relief, Helen slowly, cautiously climbs into bed, seemingly content with the sleeping arrangement.

"Can you… turn off your light?" she utters, fidgeting with the edge of the covers.

Max does as he's told, clicking off the bedside lamp before both he and Helen settle down under the covers. Max stares blankly at the dark ceiling, nervous to look at Helen, but unable to turn away from her either. After a long twenty seconds, Helen scoots over in bed, drapes her arm across Max, and lays her head on his shoulder. Max's heart feels lighter, but he can't stop himself from picking at the wound, from wanting to fix things. "Do you… want to talk about it? About our fight?"

"No, not tonight. I just want you to hold me."

For now, that will have to do. Max wraps his arms around Helen, pulling her close, nuzzling his nose into the top of her head. She still smells like jasmine! It's so intoxicating! Max would do anything for Helen, go anywhere for her. Hell, he moved across an ocean for her! But that just doesn't make any underlying issues they have magically disappear. He's been prodding her for a month to talk about her mother, but every time he does, Helen just shuts him down. She said she doesn't want him trying to fix things with her mother, but fixing things is in his nature. How does he go about resisting such a fundamental part of himself? And what if Helen doesn't want to fix things about their own relationship either? Max doesn't think he could live without her!

Max is pulled out of his thoughts when his shirt dampens as Helen sniffles and shudders against him. "Hey, baby. What's wrong?" he whispers into the dark, brushing her cheek with his thumb.

"I dunno, it's just… all this," Helen shrugs while taking in jagged breaths, "this afternoon with my Mum, and Vijay… and us…"

Max doesn't know whether to feel encouraged or worried Helen included "us" in that sentence.

"Today was a lot. I suppose my emotions are just all over the place. Jetlag isn't helping." It's not just today though. Since moving back to London, Helen has felt this pressure for everything to be perfect. That she has to be the perfect mum, the perfect girlfriend/partner, the perfect medical director. It's taken her a while to get settled in her new job, and even two months in, she still feels as though she's trying to prove herself. It's hard enough worrying that Max loves living in London. It's even harder wondering if moving to London isn't all she thought it would be. Would Max be upset if she wanted to move back to New York after all this fuss?

"I'm sorry about today," Max says out of the blue. "I was the one who convinced you to set up a lunch with your mom. I shouldn't have been late. I dropped the ball, and I'm sorry."

"Oh, erm, thank you…" Helen doesn't really know how to respond.

"And I'm sorry for defending her. The first thing I should have done when I got home was ask how you were doing. We're a team, and I should have listened to your side first."

That's all Helen wanted to hear this afternoon! She's such an emotional wreck that tiny sobs start bubbling out of her again.

"Hey, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you cry!" Max grabs Helen a tissue from the bedside table. "Are you okay? What do you need right now?"

Helen dabs her eyes and blows her nose (quite loud, in Max's opinion, for such a tiny person), then drops the tissue in the waste basket beside the bed. "I don't want to talk anymore tonight. I'm exhausted and neither of us are in the proper state to take this discussion any further."

As much as it worries Max that Helen doesn't think they're a family, he knows she's right. Both of them could do with a good night's sleep. "Okay." They settle back into bed in each other's arms. Max finds it hard to breathe. He wants to tell Helen he loves her, but he has a tiny nagging feeling she wouldn't say it back right now. So instead, he settles on "G'night, Helen."

After a quiet moment, Helen replies softly, "Night, Max."


Sunday, January 23rd, 12:35 p.m., New Amsterdam

Vijay's funeral was beautiful! It was sad, touching, nostalgic, and even funny at times, thanks to Casey and a few others!

Max wanders around the conference hall, catching up with some people, only half listening to one of Iggy's stories when he catches a glance of Helen across the room. He really wants to resolve their fight. Helen hugs Lauren, then the latter goes to get some more food, and Helen catches Max's eye. With a tiny smile, she nudges her head in her direction.

"Sorry, Iggs, I think Helen wants to talk with me, but I'll catch you before we leave."

"Um, yeah... okay," he stammers, receiving a pat on the shoulder before Max makes a beeline for Helen.

Max feels nervous and excited all at the same time! Helen has always made him feel like that. "Hey."

"Hi." Helen slips her free hand into Max's, the other occupied with a small plate of food. "Can we talk?"

"Yeah, let's go sit down." Max tugs Helen along to a spot near the windows.

"The service was lovely," Helen says once they're seated, looking around the room. "It was wonderful hearing how many lives Vijay impacted."

"Yeah, I didn't know he was the only doctor to say hi to you on your first day. I'm sorry people didn't make you feel more welcome."

Helen simply shrugs. "S'okay. It is what it is."

Max has learned a lot since meeting Helen, and he understands that not being readily welcomed into her workplace was one of many microaggressions she has dealt with as a black woman. He senses Helen shutting down, like she's putting on a shield of armor, so he tries to lighten the mood. "Well, at least I said hi to you on my first day!"

Helen's mouth breaks into a wide grin, unable to keep the serious facade at the memory of their first meeting. "You were Medical Director. It was part of Dora's mandatory tour."

"But I wanted to meet you anyway! I mean, come on! You're the famous Dr. Helen! But you blew me away, you left quite an impression!"

A moment passes as Max and Helen exchange a heated glance. "As did you," she replies.

After the initial grief when Muhammad died, Helen went cold and numb and closed off her heart. She lost sight of her purpose and direction. Then she met Max. The more Helen thinks about it, the more she knows that's when her life started again. "I'm sorry too."

Max slightly shakes his head in confusion, not quite understanding the context of her apology.

"For shutting you out. For yelling at you. My mother tends to bring out the worst in me." Helen huffs and rolls her eyes, recalling the disastrous lunch with her mother that was somehow only 36 hours ago. "You remember last year, I told you my father abandoned me and my mother when I was five, yes? I recently discovered he didn't leave by his own choice, but my mother pushed him out and told me horrible lies about him for years."

Max sits up straight in shock. "What?! Oh, god, Helen! Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was going to. I went to find you on the roof a few months ago. But that was when… erm, Veronica was up there with you, and, you know… you said…"

"Oh. Yeah," Max utters, ashamed. Helen was coming to confide something in him, and what she got instead was hearing Max say he might not go to London after all. It's no wonder she didn't tell him. "I'm sorry you heard that. I really didn't mean it." Or at least, he didn't want to mean it. He might have meant it for a split second. "You can burden me now. I'm listening."

"I'll tell you more about my father another time." Helen reaches for Max's hand and gives it a comforting squeeze. "I'm also sorry for making you feel as though you're not enough for me."

Max's head tilts in curiosity. His first instinct is to brush it off, to say she doesn't make him feel like that. But if that's the case, then why did their last argument have him wondering whether or not they're a family?

"The argument with my mother had me all out of sorts. She said some nasty things that had me questioning everything I ever wanted and thought myself capable of."

"Things like what?" Max asks, unsuccessfully trying to keep his voice even.

Helen considers how much to tell him. Even though he was the first person she confided in about the subject two weeks after meeting him, she thinks it unnecessary to include the part about her fertility treatments. She's certain he's thought about it too, but that's a loaded topic Helen doesn't think she and Max are ready for yet. "She… said something about me not being cut out for motherhood."

"What?!"

"Shh! Max! Keep it down!" She looks around, panicked, hoping he didn't draw too much attention to their conversation.

"I knew things were bad between you two but she had no right to say that!" For a split second, Max thinks about calling Ms. Sharpe to give her a tongue-lashing, but that's just the kind of thing Helen doesn't want him getting involved in.

"You don't need to get your knickers in a twist about it. I'm just trying to explain the headspace I was in yesterday."

"You know you're a great mom, right?" Max adds, giving her a gentle nod of encouragement. "Luna adores you!"

"Thank you for that." As terrifying as it is, Helen loves being a parent to his… their little girl. "But back to the matter at hand. With Vijay's passing, you really learn what's important. While I still need to fix things with my mum on my own, I shouldn't have told you to stay out of my family. Max, you are my family. You always have been, really. Somehow, you made this place feel more like home than anywhere I've ever been. And I need to say this, because we… well, I don't say it enough." Helen takes a deep breath, nervous to say the words she's known to be true for nearly three years. "I love you. I love you and I'm in love with you. You're my best friend, my confidant, my lover, my partner and companion. I love Luna and the life we're building together. And I believe what we have is worth fighting for."

Max stares at Helen in awe. Usually, he's the one giving big sappy speeches. He grabs Helen's face and kisses her. It's not fast and wild, but slow, gentle, and brief, yet still full of passion. Max rests his forehead on Helen's, brushing her cheeks. "I love you more."

Relief floods through Helen. She was worried she might have pushed Max away. That's always been her defense mechanic when things get tough. "Forgive me?"

"If you forgive me. And I promise to try and listen to you better and not just jump right into fixing things if you promise to talk to me. Okay?'

Helen has been through a lot in her life. Sometimes, she feels like she's been broken into a million pieces. But piece by piece, Max has picked them up and is slowly putting them back together. "I want to show you all the parts of my heart, Max. I really do. You just need to be a little more patient with me, that's all."

"I've got all the time in the world!" Their whole lives, really, although Max thinks he would frighten Helen by talking about that far into the future. They're not ready for that discussion yet. But Max knows he wants to marry her. He's known it for longer than he's willing to admit. He just needs to make sure Helen wants that too.

Max and Helen are broken out of their little bubble by Karen Brantley. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything too personal."

"No, no, sit down, Karen." Max gestures to one of the seats next to him.

Karen sits, wistfully staring at Max and Helen's joined hands. "I'm so glad you two came to remember Vijay."

"We had to," Helen says. "He was like family."

Karen nods, still a little forlorn. "You two are doing well?"

The couple exchanges a small sweet smile, Helen nodding before Max says, "Yeah, we are."

"Good, good. Vijay would have been really happy for you two," Karen says, voice cracking on the last word. She zones out for a moment as if stuck in a memory, then shakes her head back into reality.

Helen squints, trying to read between the lines. She has a sneaking suspicion that Karen cares more about the dearly departed neurologist than she's willing to let on. But she doesn't think it appropriate to ask such a question.

Seeing the scrutinizing gazes from the couple across from her, Karen confesses, "Oh, that man could kiss!"

Both Max and Helen's eyes widen in surprise. "You and Vijay were…" Helen begins, unable to complete her sentence.

"Yes, shocking, I know. It happened a couple years back, but it didn't last very long. I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but I was… well, still am married, and he didn't feel like what we were doing was honorable. Plus he wanted to focus on helping Ella get through her pregnancy without her OCD medication, which I respected." Karen sighs, clearly lost in thought. "But we really could've had something!"

"He was a wonderful man," Max says, placing his hand on Karen's.

Karen brushes a tear from the corner of her eye. "Treasure what you have. You never know what moment will be your last, and you don't want to be filled with regrets." She stands, smiling down at the couple in front of her. "I won't lie and say it hasn't been hard without you two here, but I'm glad you're happy. I'm rooting for you kids."

"Thank you." Helen watches Karen walk away in Agnes's direction, then redirects her gaze to Max, flabbergasted by what she just heard. "Vijay and… Brantley?!"

"I know, right?"

"They just seemed so different! I thought he drove her mad!"

"The heart wants what it wants, I guess." Max, especially, knows that to be true. He's always wanted Helen, even when it was wrong. It turns out he and Vijay had more in common than he realized in regards to being interested in someone when one party member was already married.

Max and Helen spend the rest of the hour catching up with some more of their friends and coworkers, hanging around until people start putting chairs away.

"I think they're giving us the signal to make ourselves scarce. You alright, luv?" Helen asks, eyeing his distracted gaze.

"Yeah, I just, uh… I just wanna stay here for a few more minutes if that's okay. I've got some things I want to tell Vijay before we go."

"Of course. I want to go see the Oncology department anyway, so text me when you're ready."

Before Helen gets the chance to walk away, Max grabs her hand, brushing his thumb across the bare fourth finger on her left hand. He wonders if Helen can tell what he's thinking. "I– um, I really love you."

Helen pulls Max in for a tight hug, squeezing her arms around his neck as she presses her lips to his ear. "I love you more."

Max huffs a tiny chuckle, kisses Helen's cheek, and whispers, "Not possible."

After Helen has left, Max leans up against one of the remaining folding chairs, not quite ready to leave. He's lost in thought, thinking about Vijay, about New Amsterdam, and about death. He's already lost Georgia. He doesn't know what he'd do if he ever lost Helen too. It won't do any good to worry, life is too short. All he can do is try to cherish the time they do have.


Author's notes: The part about Vijay and Karen Brantley being involved was taken from the script someone posted on Twitter. I don't know how far they went, but they were definitely involved at one point. Actually, towards the end of 2x18, they're in an elevator together, and she texts him to call her sometime! Now I have a hard time believing that Vijay would be the kind of person to have an affair, but Karen definitely had a wedding ring on in that scene. So I guess maybe it happened once or twice, then he called it off. Interesting, huh?