Chapter 13

GREY RESIDENCE

THE NEXT DAY

"You know, I do get that you guys do tend to do everything as a group," Meredith said gently, "and considering how my residency began I'm not a position to throw stones in that regard, it's just considering what's going on and how small I want to keep the circle, I would have appreciated maybe a little discretion."

"If you wanted discretion, you should have gone to Doc first," Jack reminded him. "By which I mean he would have withheld the information from all of us and then blamed us when we defied his authority."

Jack smiled. "Hard to argue I don't deserve that."

Meredith had wanted to meet with James that night, but he had persuaded her that this could wait until early the next morning. Meredith had reluctantly agreed to this but wasn't thrilled the next day when every member of the Seattle contingent of the Oceanics was on her doorstep.

"Again, why couldn't we have kept the circle small?" Meredith asked.

"Because this ain't my usual kind of con," James reminded her. "You're not trying to take something valuable from Christina, you're trying to make her do something she wouldn't normally do."

"Is that your subtle way of saying act like a human being?" Derek asked.

"You're asking me to help you figure out how to work someone who hasn't exchanged ten words with me since I moved to Seattle," James pointed out. "If I'm to figure out the best way to do this, I need to understand Yang. Which is why my wife and the Doc are here."

"I have to tell you I don't think I'm the most qualified to help," Jack pointed out. 'If it were strictly up to me I would have shown Yang the door months ago."

"But you have worked with her for two years which means you have some idea as to how her mind works," James said. "Jules does too, of course."

"And you invited Hurley because he's connected to Callie and therefore knows her that way," Meredith said.

"Not really," James said. "See Hurley's always been the one everybody liked and he's always been sort of the power behind the throne. He's also not a half-bad con artist himself."

"I don't know if that's a compliment or not," Hurley said.

"By my count, you conned me twice on the island and at least two other times you managed to convince me to do something that was completely against my interest," James reminded him. "Not to mention you basically apologized for the way you maneuvered both times. If it anyone knows how to convince somebody to find the better angels of their nature, it's you."

Hurley blinked. "That may be the nicest thing you've ever said to anyone," he said.

"What the hell. I must be starting to mellow in my old age," James said.

"And Kate is here because…" Derek asked.

"…because if I told her not to come, she'd be following us anyway?" Jack said affectionately.

"Because we can't have a party without her?" Hurley said.

"I won't lie and say neither came in to it," James said. "But as we all know, Kate has a habit of always coming back even when it's against everybody's best interest. As Doc is painfully aware, she ends up doing it because she's protective and she cares too much. Throw in her criminal record, and that is the perfect combination for what we're going to be trying here."

"I'm pretty sure there was a vote of confidence in there somewhere," Jack said puzzledly.

"In Sawyer-speak that's practically a mash note," Kate pointed out.

"All right, this is officially a team effort," Derek said. "So would you mind telling me why this involves the two of us going to the hospital in separate ferry rides in a few hours?"

This had been Meredith's idea and now that she had to explain to her friends, acquaintances, and her husband, she wasn't surprised how nervous she was. She knew the stakes of what would happen if things went south and they were more severe than Christina getting fired. But she had become aware of the situation the last several months, and she knew that desperate measures were called for.

"Christina has been drifting the last year," she began slowly. "For all her strengths as a surgeon, she's increasingly been isolating herself. Professionally, romantically and from her friends. I don't think I realized until Dr. Austin told me yesterday. The two of us haven't had a real conversation in months. This isn't my fault, but I am the only one who might be able to turn things around."

"I get all that, I do," Derek said gently. "But I still don't get why our relationship has to appear to suffer as a result."

Meredith sighed. "Christina has never really believed in the two of us," she said slowly. "When I told her we were getting back together, she rejected the idea as the two of us never being able to quit each other and that we'd just break up again when things got hard. For better or worse, almost all of our friendship was built on the slings and arrows of our happiness. She's probably justified drifting from me because she thinks it's only a matter of time before we break up again. I think the only way to get her to talk to me is to let her think she's right."

"Damn," James said. "I knew you guys could be cold at this hospital, but this is hardcore even by your standards."

"I think Meredith has a point," Jack said reluctantly. "Granted I got here well after much of the major drama between the two of you had ended but it's not like I haven't had front row seats to a lot of your damage. Hell, I've had to negotiate some of it over the past year. All that said, this is a hell of a bluff to run."

"Which is why I called in James," Meredith reminded them.

"And that's why you're going to need Hurley and Freckles on this one," James pointed out. "One of them needs to show you how to trick someone into doing the right thing, and someone who can show how to show you how to lie to someone out of love."

"I really hope you're not talking about me," Jack said.

"Pretty sure he means my first husband," Kate said.

"To spare everyone's feelings let's say I did," James said softly.

"So you're trying to get close to Christina again," Hurley said. "I gotta say I've probably spoken to her less than James has, and what I do know Callie's told me."

"She must have told you more than that. The two of them lived together for six months," Meredith said. "You're saying you never spoke?"

"You know I never thought I'd take it personally that someone didn't instantly recognize me from something that happened in the last few years," Hurley said. "I don't think she even talked to me all the times I was at Callie's place."

"I wouldn't take it personally, Hoss," James said. "If we're not in the hospital or on her table, she probably doesn't even see us civilians. I'm guessing that's a part of her problem to begin with."

"One crisis at a time," Meredith said.

"I have to ask," Hurley said. "Does she spend any time outside of the hospital other than to sleep?"

"She spends a lot of time sleeping there," Jack said grimly. "Other than Joe's a couple of times, I don't think she goes anywhere else."

Kate thought for a second. "Any chance you two can go drinking there after work?"

"It's one of the few things we used to do together," Meredith said.

"There might be something I can work with," Kate said. "Besides, considering I'm technically a doctor's wife, Christina won't find it strange that I'd show up there."

"You want be to show up with you?" Juliet asked.

"Not the first time," Kate said slowly. "Though maybe showing up there on a separate occasion would help. If we're going to try and work on her human side, we can't team up on her."

"You've got a point," Jack said. "Ganging up on Christina isn't going to work. She'd see it a challenge."

"What are you thinking?" Meredith asked.

"It's best you don't know," Kate said. "Don't worry it's nothing illegal."

"You never know with Yang," Jack said. "Hell, she's violated the ethical code more than once. She may not be that far removed from being a criminal. Talking to someone who tells her just how un-glamorous it actually might scare her straight."

"You really think it's come to this point?" Derek asked.

"I don't know," Jack said sadly. "Meredith, I understand why you want to try and save Christina. Your loyalty and devotion to your friend is beyond the pale. But if it were strictly up to me, she has used up her second chance and her third. There's a point when the potential for greatness in a surgeon has to be outweighed by the level of contempt you show for rules and regulations."

Meredith paused. "How long have you felt that way?"

"Honestly?" Jack said. "When you and Christina came to me when her interns had performed the ridiculous appendectomy, I wanted you both gone. The only reason I agreed to everything I did was to protect Richard. Because the minute that became public knowledge, they would have been in their rights to fire him. And he deserved better than that." Jack paused. "I know we're friends now, and I actually like and respect all of you far more than I did when I laid down the law a year and a half ago. That doesn't change the fact that he has gone above and beyond the call to protect the five of you in particular. And there has to come a point when it's not worth it. For him, and for the hospital."

Meredith took a very long pause. "You're not wrong," she finally said.

"Could you say that again? I don't get to hear it as much as I would hope," Jack said, not entirely joking.

"I'd go further than that," Derek said. "Jack was completely right. And it's not just Richard. After Denny died, we basically left Bailey to twist in the wind at the M and M conference a couple of weeks later, and she just took it because she felt responsible for what happened. More than a few of us have been abusing our power to protect you guys, and there's absolutely no question that Christina has benefited from it far more than any of you. Christina may be a great surgeon someday, but when Preston quit this entire hospital suffered as a result of her indecision. It was his choice to leave, but the idea that she played no part in it is giving him too much credit."

"I know," Meredith said. "And hell, maybe this is asking someone with an addiction so great that there's no chance she can ever sober up. Hell, maybe that's my own problem. I can't give up on Christina. So I'll make it very simple. Austin said she'd been willing to go to the board if this didn't work. If I don't think this is working, I will go to Richard myself."

That was further that anyone would have thought Meredith was willing to go. She herself was surprised she'd said it. But as much as she still cared about Christina, Meredith was still a doctor. And any doctor knew there came a point where any treatment or procedure you did was not going to help the patient.

"There is one more thing," Hurley said. "It's a real long shot and maybe it shows how utterly ignorant I am of other people's culture."

"What are you thinking, Hoss?" James said.

"This weekend our friends come here," Hurley said. "I think you and I should have a conversation with Jin and Sun."

James raised an eyebrow. "You do know just because they're Korean doesn't mean they'll have any insight into Yang? Hell, they know her less than we do."

"I know," Hurley agreed. "But from what I understand, a doctor tries every possible method to save their patient, including getting outside opinions. One way or another, they might be able to think of something none of us can. And maybe it'll even work."

SEATTLE GRACE

THE NEXT DAY

"I know about our plans but I'm dealing with a crisis right now."

"Medical, personal or somewhere in the middle?" Ben asked.

"Option 2, and a little of option 3," Meredith said. "I called Izzie. She'll meet you in the cafeteria as soon as she finishes with her charts."

"Can she help you with this particular problem?" Those who had only known Ben from the island would have been surprised who curious he sounded.

"Eventually, but right now I think I have to handle it. I'd give you more details Ben, but I'm pretty sure this is something you can't help with." Meredith hesitated. "I'm not sure how qualified I am."

"Tell me when you're ready. We'll talk later," Ben said.

After he hung up, Ben walked into the cafeteria. He hesitated a moment and then slowly walked over to the sandwich pile, considering it.

"If you're hoping for good food, I should remind you even the most optimistic Michelin Guide would rank our best food as 'almost edible'.

Ben looked up to see a woman a few years older than him in a lab coat. "For all you know, I have lower standards for food than hospital cuisine," he said.

"That's possible. But no one comes to a place like this because they prefer our sandwiches to even the most horrible fast food," she said.

"Fair point. Which sandwich would revolt me the least?"

The woman looked at them as if she was considering specimen slides under a microscope – something she no doubt spent a fair amount of time doing. "Your best bet, and I use this in the loosest possible term, is the ham and cheese," she finally said.

Ben selected that. "Did you have your eye on that one?"

"Honestly, my career in medicine is so long that by this point, I barely notice the difference," the doctor told him. "And that's honestly fine in my case. People like me eat here more to find energy to keep moving rather than anything else. Better to save the food for the people who might actually want to eat something that tastes good."

"I imagine that most of the people who aren't doctors or staff don't care that much about what they're eating either," Ben said.

She nodded. "I'm sorry. I haven't introduced myself. Dr. Austin."

"Ben Linus." The two shook hands. "Did you just get out of seeing patients or are you about to go back to it?"

"Actually my shift ended about," Austin looked at her watch, "half an hour ago."

"And you're here giving strangers advice about the food because…"

Austin smiled. "I'm going to help my daughter find an off-campus place for her to live."

A part of Ben that was never going to stop aching twinged. "What year?"

"She just started her freshman year at the University of Seattle."

Ben wasn't sure what made him say what he did next. He knew it was in his interest not to reveal any details about his past to anyone not in the know at this hospital, and that certainly included someone he'd just met. Perhaps it was just a bit of the old Ben Linus still out there. "My daughter's about the same age," he found himself saying.

Austin took this in. "Does she go to college around here?"

Ben decided that he would lie without really lying. "I haven't seen or spoken to her in two years."

Austin considered this. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

The thing was, Ben did. He knew how to couch his phrases for civilized people and the thing was, if you left out the details there wasn't much that was that was particularly different about it and so many other parent-child relationships. And even if he didn't choose to make himself look good, a total stranger – especially a parent – might understand and sympathize better than anyone else who knew all the details.

"Alex became my daughter when she was a week old," he began slowly. "Her mother was emotionally disturbed and in no condition to raise a child. It wasn't her fault – it had more to do with her environment than how she was raised – but losing her no doubt made her condition far worse."

"They allowed a single father to take a child on?" Austin asked.

"It wasn't thought of very highly at the time," Ben went on. "The people I worked with were less than happy about it themselves. Hell, I wasn't sure how good a father I would be. But there were very few options where we lived, so I took it on."

Austin considered this for a while, then seemed to let it go. "How difficult was it, raising her on her own?"

"Not easy at all," Ben admitted. "The community we lived in was extremely isolated and there were very few people her own age to play with. As time passed more people grew comfortable with her being a part of my life, but to be fair, they might have kept their feelings to themselves."

"Why was that?"

"I was effectively the man in charge of our little community," Ben said slowly. "No one ever likes the person in power, that's a given, but I took over at a very young age, not much longer after I adopted Alex as a matter of fact. And a lot of the old regime never much got used to me. In fact, it's fair to see I was resented far more than I was ever liked."

"No one ever likes the boss. And it's not your job to be everyone's friend," Austin said. "You have to do what's best for the collective good rather than the whole."

"There's the other problem. I wasn't a very good boss either," Ben figured as long as he spoke in vague terms Austin wouldn't push that much. "My job was essentially to be in charge of what had once been a major scientific community."

"Biological?"

"There were many fields of studies going on when I first arrived," Ben said. "Biology, electromagnetism, utopian socialism, some people were even trying to work on parapsychology. The area we were working in was over a pocket of unique energy. Some people wanted to utilize that energy for purposes that were – well, let's just say it might have ended the energy crisis very early had things come out right. The problem was, many of those people were bull-headed, misguided, and barely capable of thinking beyond their own self-interest."

"I know a bit about science. Is there any chance I'd have heard of this group?" Austin asked.

"I doubt it. Most of their records have been purged from the scientific community has a whole. The only reason it existed in its current form was because there was basically a power struggle that led to the termination of most of the employees." Ben really hoped this woman never learned that he wasn't talking in euphemisms.

"What work were you doing when you took over?" Austin asked.

"That's where the trouble really started," Ben said. "See once I took over, the majority of the scientific work shifted to fertility studies. Something I was completely unqualified to handle. My job essentially became a combination of human resources and corporate recruitment. Both of these were jobs I was utterly unqualified to manage because I have never been much of a people person. I had to spend a lot of time delegating duties, something that my colleagues were not inclined to do, and they did not become any happier when years of work resulted in no progress. I became increasingly focused on my job at the expense of all else, and in the meantime Alex was becoming a teenager and starting to ask questions I was not comfortable in answering. Much of which had to do with her mother." Ben sighed. "In a moment of weakness which I wish could say was my low point as a parent, I lied to her and told Alex her mother was dead."

Austin considered this. "I convinced my five-year old daughter to repeat a lie for me in a custody hearing," she finally said. "I can't exactly claim the high road on this one. And honestly, I've been in enough situations like this with patients to know that sometimes you lie to spare your children's feelings even if they end up learn you and hate you for it."

Ben sighed. "Alex didn't much like me the last few months. There was a perfect storm of events happening all at once at the time. Not the least of which was I became severely ill."

"I'm assuming it was the kind of problem that was treatable if found early," Austin said.

"The problem was, I went into what could be considered very politely utter denial at the time," Ben said.

"A lot of people do when they face their own mortality."

Ben could practically hear Karev: She don't know you very well, do she? "The excuse is I threw myself into my work, which didn't make anyone happy. Alex was starting to have a relationship with a young man, and I didn't handle that much better."

"You basically concentrated on everything except what was killing you," Austin said.

"Until it was almost too late," Ben said. "When it came to Alex, it already was. The day before I went into surgery, she told me she hated my guts and that she wished I was dead. I told her about my illness and tried to be apologetic, hoping she might understand."

"And she just kept rebelling," Austin said.

Ben nodded. "She wasn't there when I was going into surgery. It wasn't until I came out of the anesthesia that I learned not only had she not been waiting for me she spent the time trying to run away from home with her boyfriend. She came back not that long after, but our relationship was damaged beyond repair and I pretty much knew it. By the time I was out of recovery, everything around me went to hell. There was another struggle for leadership at my job, and now many of the same people who'd supported by coming to power were looking to another man." Ben hesitated. "Who, to be clear, far more qualified for my position than I was, and everybody knew it."

"Could you have won them back over?" Austin asked.

"I made a last-ditch effort that ended in total disaster," Ben said. "And while I was dealing with that, the proverbial nail in my coffin came. My daughter learned that her birth mother was still alive and that she'd never given up searching for her."

"I thought you told me she was emotionally disturbed," Austin said.

Ben had an idea how to cover this. "There are certain medical cases or psychological ones when a mother is in no condition to take care of herself, much less another human being. In such cases, another agency could remove the child from the parent's care and she might not put up a fight."

"In some cases, it's not uncommon that they don't notice their child is missing until days or weeks later," Austin agreed. "And after a certain amount of time in recovery, they realize what's happened and they try to find out what happened."

"This was a similar case," Ben said. "Danielle – that was her mother's name – was further emotionally damaged by what happened. Her psychological reaction was admittedly stranger than most: she would migrate from location to location, never staying in the same place for very long, and her increased isolation from other human beings led her to become increasingly paranoid. It was very sad but given the trauma she had undergone not entirely unexpected. The one thing she was holding on to in her mind was that she had a daughter. It was the one thing keeping her going. The last few months prior to everything going wrong, she became more focused on her efforts to locate Alex. Within a week of everything going wrong, both became aware of the other's existence."

"Was Danielle in any condition to take care of Alex?"

That was a question Ben had asked himself quite a bit over the last few years. Locke had put it to him directly when they were looking for the cabin. He realized he could lie – or indeed tell the truth – to make himself look good of this total stranger, but he decided not to in this case.

"No one would ever mistake Danielle for the picture of sanity," Ben said. "A mutual acquaintance of ours told me that she wasn't even sure she was ready to see her daughter again. Asked directly, she said she had no idea what kind of questions to ask about a child she'd lost when she was only a baby. And I'm relatively sure that if she'd ever had to face a competency hearing, she wouldn't have won. But that doesn't change the basic facts."

"Which were?"

"Her daughter had been taken from her when she was little more than a teenager and in no real condition to do anything about it. At a certain point, she gave up looking for Alex in a direct fashion because she knew she wasn't the best caretaker but she never gave up hope. There is a very real indication that in the months leading up to their eventual reunion she was making a psychological recovery – she was interacting more frequently with other people, she was trying to be an asset to a community that was not inclined to trust her, but she'd always been self-sufficient and competent and that eventually led to them trusting her, and eventually convincing them to help her locate Alex."

"Did she reach out to you or did you reach out to her?" Austin asked.

No point telling the whole truth now. "A combination of the two," Ben admitted. "I admit that I didn't have good intentions when I took Alex to meet her, I was making a last ditch effort to save my job by convincing the last person inclined to help me. Danielle was with them at the time."

If Austin was ever going to ask questions about this, now would be the time. "What happened when you saw she was there?"

"I told Alex who Danielle was. Danielle's reaction was totally natural. She punched me in the face."

"She knew who you were?"

"I may have referred to Alex as my daughter at the time." Which was actually true.

"And that's when she broke off ties with you?"

"I was told in no uncertain terms that I was no longer wanted in my current position," Ben said. "No one wanted me to stay there anymore. In my last conversation with Alex, she told me she never wanted to see me again. We haven't spoken since."

"How long has it been since you talked to her last?"

There was no point in denying it. "Two years."

Austin finally looked shocked. "She hasn't even tried to reach out?"

"She made it very clear at the time she didn't want to talk to me, and honestly she had no reason too. Her mother had found her and they were making up for lost time. With me out of the picture there was no reason for her boyfriend not to come back. Every human connection she has in the world is with them. Why should she have anything to do with the man who took her from her mother and spent her life lying to her about it?"

After he spoke Ben thought he might have revealed too much. But Austin had no reason to assume he was talking in anything other than metaphor.

Still the next words to come out of the doctor's mouth came as a complete shock. "That must have been so horrible for you."

Ben found himself doing what he did with everything anyone said: analyzing the tone for a lie. There wasn't anything close to it. "The people who knew me best would have said I had it coming."

"It sounds like you made a lot of bad decisions. Some of that comes with a parent; the rest comes with being a member of the human race."

"There are quite a few people who would say I don't qualify as either," Ben was not joking.

"I don't pretend to understand the pressures you were under at your job," Austin said, "but I've spent a fair amount of my life trying to rise the top of my profession. So I know that being in charge anywhere requires immense sacrifices. Most of them do require giving up a fair amount of your human connections to the world."

"I'm not even sure I ever wanted to be in charge after a while," Ben said honestly.

"That's part of it, too. After a while, it gets to be a habit more than anything else. The responsibilities become so great that they start to outweigh the pleasures. You think your job has come with power but since no job is a dictatorship, everyone questions your authority and it becomes exhausting. Soon you don't recognize yourself any more. You keep telling yourself someday it's going to be worth it, but someday keeps getting further and further away."

One of the effects of living on the island his whole life was that the sense of isolation was so great that you never stopped to think that your job was any different from anywhere else in the world. The island wasn't Seattle Grace, to be sure, and nobody at this hospital had the authority of a Jacob, but there was a hierarchy going on. Ben had phrased everything in vague terms to hide what really happened, but now that he had, he realized that at the most basic level, everything he had said about the island was still true. He had never considered what he did a job, of course – it had seemed to be a sacred honor, and he hadn't regretted doing it – but he now realized Austin had not questioned the details because the foundation was so much of the struggle in every aspect of life. Her job involved performing complicated surgeries, his had involved protecting a mystical island; but those problems were in a sense, universal. Did this make everything he'd done less special or did it make his struggles more human? Ben wasn't sure anymore. Perhaps more importantly, if the answer was the former, he didn't think he'd be really that upset.

"Ben?"

He and Austin both looked up to see Karev and Stevens there, understandably looking very nervous seeing the ultimate force of malevolence from the island talking to one of their new bosses.

"Dr. Austin, um, I see you've met Mr. Linus," Karev looked unsettled for the first time since Ben had met him.

"You know him?" Austin said.

Ben couldn't deny a small part of him – one that had recently been much larger – was enjoying watching his colleagues, both of whom had no problem treating him with disdain in private, now wondering just how they were going to explain him in public.

"That's why I'm at the hospital," Ben said. "I'm in the process of working with them on a research project that might have some common interest in our work and our lives."

Austin considered this. "He's one of the people behind it?" he asked Stevens.

"More or less," Stevens said carefully. "Meredith and he came up with the basis of it a few months ago, and we've been collaborating on it."

"How did you come to meet?" Austin asked.

This was not a question Ben wanted to answer, either. "We have acquaintances in common," he said carefully. "None of whom were happy either with us meeting in the first place, much less collaborating like this."

By now Austin had to at least suspect there was some connection between Ben and some of the crash survivors, even if she couldn't have figured out the details. "You don't strike me as much of a scientist, Mr. Linus," she said carefully.

"I'm not," Ben admitted. "I worked in the field from time to time but I'm fairly sure that either of these two know more about it then I do."

"What exactly are you working on?" Austin was now directing her inquiries to Alex and Izzie. "You were remarkably spare on the details to this point."

Alex and Izzie looked at Ben, who shrugged. "Honestly, neither of us have the best reputation in this hospital," Izzie said. "Both of us figured if we told you what we were working on, you'd dismiss us entirely."

"Because it's some kind of fringe medicine?" Austin said.

"Because it barely meets the standards of science," Karev said. "Weber and the rest have been more than supportive of all of us are time, but it took a lot of persuasion to get him on board, and that's only because Meredith had some pull being part of two major successes in clinical trials. Even then, we had to get a lot of outside funding just to get started, and we're not even sure what we're going to find – or if we'll like the results."

This was a surprising amount of brutal honesty even from Karev. Ben honestly wasn't sure if all of this was just to take the attention off him, and even it was Alex had gone much further than he should have.

"Well, now I'm kind of afraid to ask, but I've always had trouble knowing when to stop asking questions," Austin said. "What exactly are you studying?"

There was a long pause. Izzie finally spoke. "In the initial stages of my illness, I suffered hallucination of…Denny. I knew they weren't real, but after a while I stopped trying to fight them because they felt like they were really. By the time I finally confided in Jack, it was almost too late to treat the cancer." She paused. "You don't have to pretend you don't know at least part of this. I know you've looked at my medical records as well as my work history."

"There have always been lines I wouldn't even cross," Austin said sympathetically. "And I assume that's at least part of the reason Meredith's involved. This involves a neurological study as much as anything else."

"It's more complicated than that, and that's where I come in," Ben said slowly. "I was born two months prematurely. My parents were out hiking and nowhere near a hospital. She died before they could get her there."

"I'm sorry," Austin said sympathetically.

"That's not why I told you," Ben said. "When I was eleven years old, I had – even now, I'm not sure what the right term is – hallucinations? visions? – of my mother."

"You're sure they weren't dreams?" Austin asked.

"It would have been far easier if they had been," Ben said. "I grant you a child is never the most reliable source of what reality is."

"I've spent enough time around sick children to know they often have a clearer picture of the fact then their parents do," Austin said.

"She's not wrong," Karev admitted.

"I may be crossing a line now, but….was your childhood difficult?" Austin asked.

Ben looked at Austin and Karev who nodded. "Very much so. My father was an abusive drunk who took out the problems of the world on me. He forgot my birthday every year, usually because he was drunk. On at least one occasion, he told me that it was hard to get happy about the day I killed my mother."

Austin shook her head. "You know, I've lost count of how many stories like that I've heard in my life from patients."

"It's not entirely uncommon among the doctors here," Karev said bitterly.

"Now being a doctor, I have no doubt you would think what I was seeing was a coping mechanism to deal with my trauma," Ben said. "And from a strictly clinical perspective, that's not unreasonable. I was in an abusive situation; my neighborhood was not equipped to support my situation –"

"This would have been, what the 1970s?" Ben nodded. "We were barely starting to acknowledge this kind of as an actual problem at this point anywhere."

Ben silently acknowledged this. "And I was never good at making friends or talking to people about anything. The go-to response would have been a reaction to trauma."

"Which is what I was thinking the first time I hallucinated Denny," Izzie pointed out. "You can understand why it unnerved me when he didn't go away after realizing this."

"And what, you think there's a connection between this?" Austin said.

"At this point, I don't think any of us are prepared to go more into detail," Karev said. "Partly because we're still working on the science of and partly because we're not entirely sure what we're hoping to find."

"Is that why Meredith's involved in this? Because of her studies on the brain?"

Not even Ben was willing to share this secret. "That's one of the reasons, yes," Izzie said neutrally.

Austin considered all this, and then looked at the two young doctors. "Has Meredith ever mentioned a neurosurgeon named Aaron Shutt to you before?"

"A couple of times," Izzie acknowledged. "McDreamy – the other Dr. Shepherd – he mentions him a lot more. He said it was a proud day for him when he was ranked on the same list of the top neurosurgeons in the country with him. Why, did you work with him at one of your old jobs?"

Austin actually looked shy. "I actually briefly dated him after his divorce. It was one of those relationships that neither of us were ready for. I'd just started working at Chicago Hope and there was a lot of chaos going on. We worked together for four years but I think things were always awkward between us."

"Were the two of you competing for the same job?" Alex asked.

"Quite a bit. He actually got it not long before I ended up getting fired," Austin said. "Honestly, he was entitled to it just because of experience and tenure, but I just never let it go. But I always respected him as a surgeon. The most recent rankings put him in the top twenty for the first time in nearly five years. I should call and congratulate him."

"Has he written any papers on the brain that might help us on our work?" Ben asked.

"Yes, but that's not why I mentioned him. My second year at Chicago Hope, he was waiting at a gas station and collapsed from what we would later find out was a major aneurysm. When he went under for surgery, he went into asystole and had no brain activity for twenty-two minutes."

Alex and Izzie knew what that meant. "Did he recover?" Alex asked.

"He was in a coma for a week, and he suffered from issues of spatial perception immediately afterward. The odds were he was never going to operate again, and it took him months before he was in a condition to."

"He was very lucky. It's hard to imagine anybody ever getting to the position to operate again, much less rise to the top of his profession," Izzie said.

"When he came out of his coma, he told us that while he had been going in and out of consciousness, he was hallucinating very vividly," Austin said. "I don't think any of them quite rise to the level of what you're discussing, but they may be close."

"Such as?" Ben asked, now genuinely curious.

"He kept saying he was saying everybody on the staff, singing and dancing. Only not really singing and dancing, it was like we were lip-syncing to famous performers," Austin said. "And though he wasn't certain, he thinks when the aneurysm almost burst, he began having visions of his life, only seen through the monitors of TV screens."

This wasn't quite what they were looking at, but it was close. "Did he have an out of body experience?" Alex asked.

"Sort of. He remembers rising up into the sky, then looking down, and seeing what looked like a soundstage. Then he had this weird conversation with Jeffrey Geiger, which he admitted was strange because he knew Jeffrey wasn't dead, but Aaron thought he might be."

Ben was the first to react. "It's not the strangest thing I've ever heard of but it's up there," he acknowledged. "There might be something in it for the study."

"All right, but Meredith should reach out to him," Alex said. "It'll be easier if it comes from someone in his field."

"He might be more open to it then you'd think," Austin said. "When it looked like he didn't have a future as a neurosurgeon any more, he decided to take a residency in psychiatry at the hospital. Even after he recovered his ability to operate, he kept studying both at least until I left. He actually told me he felt blessed about where he was."

This was more than any of them had dared hoped for when they'd talked about this. "Thank you, Dr. Austin, at least not for dismissing us outright as lunatics," Alex said.

"Oh, I'm not saying that Aaron won't either," she said with a smile. "But at least if he does, it might only be because he sees a way to help you wearing his other hat."

RESEARCH LAB

ONE HOUR LATER

"We leave you alone for twenty minutes and you tell your story to a total stranger," Meredith said. "I'm starting to see why Jack and the rest had so much trouble trusting you."

"To be clear, the island never came up in the conversation," Ben said. "And honestly I'm surprised she never asked any follow-up questions. How much have you and your colleagues told her about what happened?"

"She hasn't asked yet," Alex said. "Not that Jack and Juliet haven't offered more than once, but she's told us on more than one occasion that it's not her place to ask yet."

"Not even when you took her to our lab yesterday?" Ben was a little surprised.

"That was my idea," Meredith admitted. "We were looking for privacy and this was the best place."

"Are you prepared to tell me yet what kind of crisis you're dealing with?" Ben asked.

Alex and Izzie looked at Meredith. "Actually, it's not entirely outside your level of expertise," Alex admitted. "We're trying to convince someone to do something they wouldn't do unless they were forced too."

"Since none of you seem the type to deal in emotional blackmail, I'm guessing you're trying to help someone," Ben said.

"You haven't known me long enough. I actually found myself very capable of emotional blackmail," Izzie said. "The difference is, I'm very bad at it and it blew up in all of our faces. Kind of why we're here in the first place."

Ben had suspected something of the sort had been involved in Izzie's manipulation of the system to get Denny his new heart, but he had decided to be tactful then as he would be now. "I'm guessing it's someone I haven't met yet."

"Not so much because we're afraid to introduce you but because we're pretty sure she wouldn't care," Meredith said. "She's pretty much the only person at this hospital who doesn't know anything about what happened on the island, and that's entirely because she's never asked the question."

"And if you were to tell what happened?" Ben asked.

"You remember what Jack was like on the island?" Izzie said. "Honestly, I think it's worse. Seriously, if Locke had told her exactly what had happened to him, she'd have come up with a scientific explanation."

"Hell, if she'd been in a wheelchair and had walked away from the crash, she'd have worked out a logical explanation," Karev said.

Ben was genuinely amazed. "And I thought most of the survivors were incurious," he said softly. "Is this more of the not wanting to accept the unreal that you talked about when we first met?" he asked Alex.

"It might be, but that's not the real issue," Meredith said. She thought for a second. "Jack once told us that everyone who came to the island was missing something in a way. That's not exactly news, everybody's incomplete in some way or another. The difference is how happy you are being incomplete. And Christina's problem is she thinks fulfillment in the professional part of it is enough. The rest of us have worked past that point. She hasn't."

Izzie had gone silent for a moment. "You know, now that I think of it, there might be a way for you to help," she told Ben. "You've never met Christina, have you?"

Ben shook his head. "We've never been introduced."

"We're juggling a lot already," Meredith said. "Do we really want to make this more complicated?"

"Honestly the more convoluted it is, the less Yang will suspect we're trying to con her," Alex pointed out. "And let's be honest, Ben is a lot closer in psychology to Yang than anyone her. "

"Is that an insult or a compliment?" Ben asked.

"You'd think it was an insult. She might think it was a compliment," Meredith admitted. "Hell, if she knew your story she might actually be impressed."

"Even if she knew how I got there?" Ben asked.

"Ben, if she could figure out a gas attack so that she could wipe out anyone who was a threat to her as chief residency, she'd do it," Alex went quiet. "Hell, maybe that's Plan B."

Now Ben understood. "You think she's that far gone?" he asked Meredith.

"I think this may be our last chance before she is," Meredith admitted. "You have a point. But before we go into details, we have to do the hard part."

"Figuring out how to use me?"

"Convincing everyone from the plane that it's a good idea," Alex pointed out.

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Well, I'm pretty sure 'Saving Christina Yang' was never going to be on my list when I started this series but considering how much reclamation I think I've done for just about every other character in both fandoms to this point, I think its worth the time. This arc is going to take the better part of what's left of this particular story.

Among my many problems with Grey's Anatomy was how little Rhimes seemed to know or care about how hospitals actually worked. For all Jack's self-righteousness he's actually being fairly measured in this instance: any other hospital in the country would have done a major housecleaning after everything involving Denny Duquette. There's no logical explanation why all five interns kept their jobs after what happened; Derek's story about the leadership covering for them all that time is as close as I can come. This isn't my usual baggage about so much of Grey's.

Yes Ben's conversation with the 'other' Kate Austin is a bit of inside baseball (Michael Emerson and Christine Lahti's characters spent a lot of time dating on the first two seasons of Evil which I highly recommend) but there's actually another purpose to it. Ben is still struggling from being separated from Alex and his confession to a total stranger was one way to deal with it. Ben is essentially telling the entire narrative of his story involving Alex while leaving out all the details of the island and not making himself the good guy in this scenario. Austin's completely refusal to judge him on his flaws shows the compassion of how tough it is to be a parent (something that the Losties themselves never seemed to truly understand in the first half of the show and in many cases didn't until they became parents themselves.) Austin's complicated history as a mother would make her qualified not to judge in a way that most of the characters on Lost would not be.

Ben isn't entirely being his old self; given how he's been treated by Karev in particular, he does kind of owe them one.

I wasn't entirely intending for the research project to be explained to her, but I actually thought it might be pertinent. Aaron Shutt was a character on Chicago Hope (played by Adam Arkin) and the experience that Austin relates occurred in the memorable episode 'Brain Salad Surgery' as well as his character arc for the rest of the fourth season of that show. He won't be appearing in this story (I'm already juggling too many balls) but I haven't ruled out an appearance in a future one.

It honestly didn't occur to me until the end of this chapter that for emotional manipulation like this, you really do need Ben's help. Yes, he will be involved in the con to follow, starting in the next chapter.

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