Big chapter coming! Not beated, sorry for the horrible typos you will surely find.

WARNINGS: M/M sexual interactions and situations. It's the last scene and you'll see it coming, so please skip if you don't want to read.

Enjoy!


From Which We'll Rise

Part XXXI: Endo Kamui IV

Within the genjutsu, probably over an hour had passed, but in the outside world, it had passed all but ten seconds.

Because he was working on Kamui's memories and subconsciousness rather than his consciousness, the man hadn't been aware of what had happened inside his mind, nor what Sasuke had done and seen.

Regardless, when they both came to, Sasuke gasped, making Kamui lean back a little while blinking as if he'd had a confusing thought. He eyed Sasuke worriedly, noticing how he was breathing hard and how a couple of unwanted tears had streamed down his face.

Neither moved, still holding each other in that intimate embrace that suddenly felt too invasive. Sasuke's fingers clutched the back of Kamui's neck roughly, nails scratching skin, but the man didn't flinch.

They stared at each other, Sasuke a little too overwhelmed to speak as he tried to get his breathing under control and allow the impact of Kamui's feelings to slip away from his heart.

The man slowly unwrapped his arms from around Sasuke's neck and instead held him carefully by the torso, rough, cold hands gently touching his back and caressing them in a way that was was meant to be soothing but that still had Sasuke's skin breaking in goosebumps. Still, it helped, and Sasuke allowed himself to be placated by the touch.

The sexual intensity from moments before had been replaced for solemness, but the mutuality of feelings was still there.

All Sasuke could do was stare at Kamui's face. Shaking off what the man had seen, how he felt daily, was not an easy task. He couldn't understand how Kamui was able to look so calm and balanced and still be so open to life.

He couldn't understand how Kamui could smile and laugh so easily and simply keep moving forward with all the despair and helplessness he felt and for the first time, Sasuke felt like he was seeing him, truly seeing him as a man who was, emotionally, incredibly strong.

On this road that had opened up for him, Kamui was all alone, unable to rely on anyone else for help, and without a single person that would be willing to.

This wasn't something Sasuke was familiar with. Many times he had felt alone and as if he needed to do everything for himself, by himself, but he had also known that there were people he could go to exchange favors – people who would not refuse him. Even before he'd gone back to Konoha, and even before getting Naruto back in his life, Sasuke had been self-reliant, but also aware that he would never lack for anything because others would be there for him, whether out of fear or self-interest. It didn't matter either way.

"Are you alright?" Kamui asked quietly, dark eyes searching Sasuke's features for his thoughts. Sasuke swallowed, the tightness in his throat preventing him from saying anything. Kamui then heaved a soft sigh. "I presume you've satisfied your curiosity."

Sasuke nodded once, knowing there was no way he could lie. In fact, for some reason he wanted Kamui to know that he had seen everything – that he had seen him and felt his emotions. From the man's unsurprised look, he had expected it already.

"Well, I didn't think you would cry," Kamui whispered, offering Sasuke a small smile that looked far too mature for him. "It's alright, though. The last thing I want is for you to feel sorry for me."

"I don't feel sorry for you," Sasuke threw, with a small sniff. "It's not about pity. I just…"

"I know, so let's not talk about it right now," Kamui interrupted, shaking his head. His hands, careful and gentle, moved to cup Sasuke's cheeks. "Pretty as you are when you cry, it really doesn't suit you. I work hard every day just to see you crack a smile, you know?"

Of course, Sasuke knew, and now more than ever.

Seeing Kamui's memories, and feeling his emotions had effectively destroyed every single doubt he had of the man, and in return, so many things about Kamui seemed clearer now and infinitely more genuine.

It was relieving, yet it only furthered his internal conflict and he both hated and appreciated how it had made him feel closer to Kamui.

And this was why Sasuke didn't dare say a word when lips were pressed to his cheeks as his tears were softly kissed away. For the first time, he didn't fight himself because he needed validation. The caring fingers brushing his cheeks were a welcomed comfort, the warm breath against him a bliss that seemed to swiftly blow away his unsettlement.

There was such a sense of instant gratification of respite that he couldn't even feel aroused. Regardless, a part of him wanted desperately to be kissed, and yet, intimate as the moment was, Kamui was wise and knew not to push boundaries when they had both become so vulnerable.

Sasuke didn't know how to feel about the fact that he was happy at finding that Kamui was far from being a liar and that what was happening between them was real in every way. Perhaps real to an extent that he didn't want to explore in depth.

For now, though, he just needed to somehow feel a little less helpless, and in a way, make Kamui feel less alone, but he had no words to express himself.

He just needed to make things simple for a while, and he couldn't explain how good it felt to simply let go and give in to the innocent affection.

There wasn't even an ounce of pride or embarrassment in him just then.

"Did you manage to do what you wanted?" Kamui asked conversationally, leaning away again and wiping the remnants of tears with both hands in an almost fatherly way.

"Yeah," Sasuke said hoarsely while uncurling his fingers from around the back of Kamui's neck and letting his hand fall to the man's chest, where his heartbeat was rapid, yet not erratically so. "I think it worked, but we'll have to go to the gates and check. If not I'll need to think of something else."

"Alright," Kamui acquiesced. "We should probably get that out of the way, then. I think it's safe to say that the mood's been ruined, sadly."

Now that Sasuke noticed, indeed, Kamui wasn't even hard anymore, but he chose not to comment on it.

It was for the best, though. Sasuke didn't know how to feel and there was still a part of him that wasn't exactly okay with accepting what he wanted from the man. He didn't like how he lost control over his lust, and it weakened him unexpectedly.

For now, this simple intimacy was enough.

000

As they stood and faced the gates a couple of hours later, watching from a safe distance as they usually did, Kamui didn't react, as Sasuke expected. However, he simply stared, unmoving and with a troubled expression.

"What did you do?" he asked, in a grave tone that was pained. "I'm not triggered but I can still remember it vividly. It's still horrible. It's not…"

"I know," Sasuke said next to him, quietly. "And I'm sorry, but if I had erased or completely changed it, there was a high risk of it damaging your psyche or creating a delusion. Besides, you can't simply let go of something that had such a profound impact on your life. You need to keep your truth, your reality."

It took a while for the man to react, but eventually, he nodded. "It feels real, the memory," he muttered, eyes never leaving the gates. "But there's a sense of misplacement I can't understand. I can't conceptualize that reality looked worse than what I currently remember."

"It was worse, trust me," Sasuke assured him. "It's… something even I wish I hadn't seen. But the memory I gave you, even if not ideal, is more merciful, Kamui."

"I believe you." Kamui finally looked at him, and while he didn't smile, there was an intensity in his eyes that Sasuke couldn't read, but that unexpectedly spoke volumes of how their relationship had been mutated by the events of the last few hours. "Thank you."

000

They were both silent as they made their way to Jōmae, but Sasuke didn't find it uncomfortable and deemed it sort of necessary. A lot had happened in a short time, and the two of them were taking their time processing it and figuring out how to deal with each other from then on.

Sasuke wondered if things would've been simpler if they'd pushed things forward, had sex, and called it a day. If they had just released their emotions and mutual pinning through sex, would they still be forced to confront this reality of their newfound complicity, or would they just accept it and move on?

It was complicated to digest, and yet, strange as it was, Sasuke felt like their relationship had never been more transparent to him, eve if it still confused him. He had so many feelings about it that were so troublesome, still.

He was glad they didn't have sex, though, even if it was more than obvious that the tension would eventually build up in a whole different shape now that they were both aware of each other. Sasuke didn't know what to expect when it did, and it angered him to think that he probably would not be able to manage.

It was a stupid thought when he'd desperately wanted Naruto so many times and had been able to hold back out of spite. The difference here was that, unlike with Naruto, with Kamui Sasuke had no resentments and no fucked up feelings to fight out of pride and emotional self-preservation.

However, he was determined to think about it as it progressed. For now, he was drained, even if the day's events had left him feeling as if he'd been somehow purified, a heavy burden lifted from his shoulders.

Indeed, life was so much simpler when he stopped overthinking and just embraced the facts. But on the other hand, he was never happy with just 'facts'.

He wasn't going to fuck Kamui just because it was a 'fact' that they were attracted to each other.

What would happen afterward? How would Sasuke feel, what would he want, and how would he accept it, if at all?

What if the consciousness that it truly wasn't just sex made everything worse?

Sometimes, he could walk away from complicated things and forcefully simplify them, but other times, his mind – his heart – couldn't help but deconstruct all the details to infinity.

This happened whenever he cared for someone or when it was about something he could not stand to let go of. Like Naruto. And damn it, Sasuke had deconstructed and analyzed his relationship with Naruto to the bone already, exhausting both of them.

Still, to have Kamui in the same emotional space Naruto resided in seemed ridiculous. There was no way.

Even so, Kamui was not in the same spot Gaara stood, and neither was he anywhere close to Karin and Juugo, either.

Kamui didn't seem to fit anywhere. Within the realms of Sasuke's heart and affections, Kamui existed in a corner, yet to be labeled, and as they walked side by side in that reassuring silence, Sasuke wondered why that was, unsure of whether to believe it was better this way or if it troubled him.

It was too soon, and perhaps, not soon enough. His and Kamui's time was limited, but it was true that this made him feel morose.

He didn't want their relationship to be categorized as meaningless, but they didn't know each other long enough to say that it was more than what they now knew. To think of it as more than attraction was a ludicrous thought and one Sasuke wanted to run away from.

000

It was just as sunny in Jōmae as they entered the village. Kamui said he was hungry, and indeed, it was a little past lunchtime.

Sasuke didn't feel like eating anything in particular, so they decided to go to the market, where they spent over an hour browsing and trying several different types of traditional things. With Kamui recommending foods and beverages and Sasuke being a good sport, their usual communication pattern was quickly re-established and the tension of the morning seemed to fade to be replaced by quiet camaraderie and a strange sense of intimate familiarity.

Kamui wasn't the type of man to brood for long, and he did seem unwilling to end their date – because that's what it felt like. Sasuke was grateful that Kamui took things in his hands so effectively and made every ounce of discomfort of self-consciousness disappear between them, and while they ate and exchanged input, it almost felt as it had been before the beach.

Sasuke wasn't sure if this was better, but it was better for now.

The rest of the afternoon was spent strolling through the village while Kamui told Sasuke a few simple stories of the last five years since the massacre had happened. The stories he told were lighthearted, about the children or a few mission failures he'd gone through when he'd first started working as a spy. This type of conversation helped brighten the mood, and Sasuke was grateful for it. In exchange, he told Kamui a little bit about his life from when the clan was still alive and the Uchiha's traditions. It was easy to talk about because while his memories were fond and accompanied by an ever-present bitterness, he found that he now had a blissful detachment while talking about it. Perhaps this was also because he didn't exactly talk about his parents or Itachi.

As the sun began to set, Kamui finally informed him that they would be having dinner at the brothel – as Sasuke had started to call it, mentally – he so loved.

Sasuke couldn't help but roll his eyes, but Kamui assured him they would give them free food and lodging. They would also be sleeping there, in separate rooms, of course, and this was when Kamui told him that the establishment was not a 'brothel' but was, in fact, an Inn. An Inn with additional services, but an Inn nonetheless.

As they reached the place and Sasuke was led upstairs by Kamui, he was surprised to see that, when business wasn't running wild, it was very neat and clean. The room assigned to him, right across Kamui's on the long, narrow hallway, was very small with barely enough space for a futon and a bathroom but was still nice and perfumed. Sasuke was impressed, and lowkey thankful for the opportunity to sleep comfortably by himself for a change.

Kamui had also made sure he was provided with clean clothes, so Sasuke took the chance to take a much-needed shower. He was a little skeptical of the underwear (Kamui's) and wasn't fond of the brown leather pants, but he liked the linen black sweater that was a little big for him but not unfitting.

When they reunited, Kamui himself had showered and changed, his long hair wet and loose, and combed back in a rather pompous way that still made him look more than decent.

By the time they sat down at one of the tables at a far, secluded corner, the place was still unusually empty, with only a couple of other tables occupied by loud men. The waitresses in their revealing outfits were looking their best, still, with hair and makeup perfectly in place – a feast for the eyes.

While the mood between Sasuke and Kamui had been a bit thoughtful throughout the day, the older man quickly reverted to his usual cheery self as soon as he ordered them two large beers. He hadn't consulted Sasuke about it but considering everything and how emotionally drained he felt, he didn't mind – he was in the mood to unwind, and he could use a drink or two. Or several.

After the first beer and half-hour had passed, Sasuke had to admit that there was something relaxing about the environment. The place started becoming louder, and the girls' smiley, energetic personas brightened everything up in a most alluring way. Their enticing smiles and playful attitudes, constantly bantering between themselves and the customers made it feel somewhat familiar. It was clear that men went there to forget about the day's hardships and pretend that nothing could go wrong. Kamui was very familiar with them, so it was clear why he favored the place. He also seemed to fit in effortlessly, bantering back loudly with his gorgeous smile and flirty, yet oddly respectful demeanor toward them. He wasn't exactly like the other men there, whose hands tended to roam unapologetically over the girls' backsides and other places as if they owned them.

Sasuke supposed it could just be Kamui pretending to be nice because he was there, but the girls obviously favored him, so he believed that it wasn't the case. Kamui once had a wife, and now had a sister and other girls in his care – he knew how to respect women.

"So, what's the deal with this?" Sasuke asked boldly, three drinks over idle conversion and over an hour later. He gestured vaguely around him. "Another coping mechanism?"

"I guess so," Kamui admitted, flashing him a simple smile. "It helps me unwind, and for a moment, things don't seem so bad." He ran the tip of his tongue over his lower lip thoughtfully, but Sasuke's eyes were drawn to the action. "To be honest, it hasn't been that long since I started coming here for fun. The girls were the ones who convinced me because they wanted to cheer me up. I've been running errands for the establishment for several years now, they give me food, drinks, and sex. Well, and lodging, if I need it. I couldn't possibly afford to come here every single day."

"I was wondering about that," Sasuke said, with a nod.

"It's just something that perks me up, I suppose," Kamui proceeded, with a casual shrug. "The girls are my friends, and they're genuinely good people. I have a good time with them, and they use me to lay down with a handsome man for a change and be treated like the ladies they are. No kissing, though."

Sasuke snorted, reaching out over the table between them to grab some crunchy snacks. "How oddly impersonal of you."

"They're not my lovers and I have no romantic interest in them," Kamui explained, sounding practical as he easily fished out a cigarette from his pack. "I need to set boundaries, and kissing, to me, is a very personal and emotional experience."

"Of course," Sasuke muttered, and even though he said it with sarcasm, this was something that surprised him, and something he wouldn't have expected Kamui to say. "So the girls don't try to kiss you?"

"They already know not to," Kamui explained, with a soft smile that now looked a bit strained. "Rio was the last person I kissed. I know how to avoid it if I have to."

Rio, the lost lover. Even if Kamui didn't speak of her often, she was a constant Sasuke was very aware of, now more than ever after he had been a witness to their relationship and the man's feelings for her. However, Sasuke also knew very well that she wasn't a weight on Kamui's life or heart anymore, even though he still loved her and would probably grieve her forever.

It was still rather fascinating how Kamui dealt with his tumultuous feelings in such an organized, confident way. Kamui embraced himself as he was, acknowledged every emotion he felt, and acted upon it as he saw fit without a hint of hesitation, and this was certainly why he could keep moving forward without faltering.

As Sasuke munched on the snacks, he watched as Kamui brought the cigarette to his lips and placed the pack down on the table again, within reach. He lit it with his lighter and took a long drag before looking back at Sasuke, noticing he was being watched. His mouth cracked in one of his knowing, disgustingly charming smiles.

"Do you want to try it?" he said, extending the cigarette to Sasuke and exhaling the smoke.

"What makes you think I haven't already?" Sasuke threw, but Kamui merely laughed.

"Come on, just once won't kill you," he said, somehow knowing Sasuke had never touched a cigarette in his life. "Live a little."

Without a word but still, with a scrunched-up nose, Sasuke accepted the cigarette, holding it between his thumb and index finger, and eyed it with suspicion. He didn't feel particularly inclined to try it, but he was vaguely curious and didn't honestly feel like wasting mental effort fighting something unnecessarily.

He had seen many people smoking, and he had watched Kamui more than anyone else while he did it, so he had a notion of how to do it. Without hesitation, he brought the cigarette to his lips and inhaled, being careful to then breathe the smoke in. The urge to cough was almost immediate, but he knew this was just a normal reaction to this first time, so he controlled himself and expelled the smoke again before coughing slightly for relief. Kamui was watching him, amused, with arms crossed over the table.

It wasn't unpleasant, Sasuke noticed, even if he was a little taken aback by the way it made his head feel a little fuzzy. More in control, he took another drag and found that it was easier this time. When he extended the cigarette back to Kamui, the man shook his head.

"You can keep it if you want," he declined, and Sasuke nodded back, not sure if he wanted to continue smoking or not, but not putting the thing out either way. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, but I can't guarantee I'll answer," Sasuke replied, unable to not be snappish – it was second nature to him to be defiant it seemed.

"Not meaning to be offensive, but do you have a sexual orientation you define yourself as?"

Sasuke's eyebrows rose, even if he had expected that the question would probably be thrown at some point. "Do I strike you as something particular?"

"Not at all, which is why I'm curious," Kamui explained, dark eyes watching his features attentively. "You have a child, so you've slept with a woman. But from what I know, you have more intimate relationships with men. While I couldn't confirm it in my research, I would put my hands in the fire as Uzumaki Naruto is your lover." He smirked slightly, as Sasuke inhaled the cigarette without replying. "Hum, for sure. There's always a flicker of something in your eyes whenever he's mentioned."

As much as Sasuke tried to hide it, he knew it was true. There was always something that made his heart beat a little faster at Naruto's name, and it showed on his face no matter how hard he tried to conceal it. It frustrated him beyond reason.

"I don't like to think about my sexuality, and I don't think I ever did actively consider it," Sasuke said, carefully. "It's difficult for me to feel connected to someone, so when it happens, it just does. If I feel attracted to someone I just accept it regardless of whether it's a man, a woman, or some other gender. But if you need to categorize me, then you can think I'm gay if it's easier for you. I do tend to find men more interesting to handle than women, and I've made my peace with that."

"I don't want to categorize you at all," Kamui assured him, softly. "Was I right about your lover, then? I somehow don't feel like you and the Kazekage are a good match."

Sasuke shrugged with a frown. "I wouldn't say Naruto is my lover."

"Because he's married? So are you."

Licking his lips, Sasuke eyed Kamui contemplatively, considering whether he wanted to talk about this with him or not. Naruto was a sensitive topic to him, and it was complicated to put his feelings into words most of the time, especially because they were so chaotic and intimate, so theirs that no person should be allowed an insight into them.

Then again, Kamui had dared to ask and he didn't seem judgmental. In a way, Sasuke wanted to talk about it, even if just to understand how it would feel and if bringing it up would make a difference in how he saw Kamui or how Kamui saw him.

Maybe bringing up Naruto would make his confusing feelings for Kamui fade away.

"Naruto is my best friend, and the person who saved me in many ways," Sasuke ended up saying, choosing his words wisely. "Even though we have different lives now, he is one of a kind to me. I suppose he might be a lover to me, but he's not my lover."

Kamui hummed, eyes narrowing, but there was no perceptible emotion on his face other than genuine curiosity. "What is he, then?"

Sasuke locked eyes with him, unblinkingly. "My soulmate," he stated, knowing he sounded almost challenging and also a little upset – it was certainly the booze, he didn't understand why saying this out loud had such an effect on him. "I don't mean it in a romantic sense, even if it did escalate to such proportions. But he and I are bound by fate for eternity, confirmed by the Sage of Six Paths himself during the war. This to say that, even if we are bound by many events in our lives, our bond transcends the earthly plane, so I'm stuck with him whether I like it or not. Not just in this life but in the next ones, too."

It sounded like he was displeased by this, but it wasn't the case at all. It simply pissed him off to think about, as it always did, because their fates were so intricately entwined and yet, there they were, two idiots stubbornly fighting the current, away from each other.

If Sasuke had met Kamui with Naruto beside him as his companion as it should, for sure he wouldn't give the man a second glance, and this knowledge upset and saddened him unexpectedly.

Kamui looked mildly surprised by this. "I didn't think such a thing existed," he said as if processing it. "So you mean to say that you'll always reincarnate and meet each other in your next lives? Forever? That… Well, it's a lot to take in."

"I've made my peace with it." Sasuke inhaled from the cigarette again, finding some comfort in the pleasant buzz it provided. "It's one of the reasons why I've done my best to stay alive. I know he'll probably kill himself from grief if I die."

Now, why was he being so blunt about it?

"What does it matter to you what he does if you're already dead?" Kamui's question was smart and made sense. Why did the thought of dying and leaving Naruto upset him so much, anyway?

Because Sasuke cared about what Naruto felt, regardless of whether he was alive or dead. Still, even if he didn't feel like throwing his life away meaninglessly, he would without a doubt give his life away if it meant Naruto could live. There was no negotiating that, and if those circumstances eventually came upon them, Naruto's feelings could go fuck themselves.

Even if he knew Naruto could probably not live long regardless of Sasuke's selfless act of sacrifice. But, well, Sasuke hoped that Naruto was wiser and at least respected his wishes if something like this ever happened.

Thinking about it didn't help Sasuke's suddenly morose mood brighten up. This was probably too much information for Kamui, too.

Sasuke cleared his throat. "Because I know how I'd feel if he died," he said, evenly. "I didn't think like this in the past. I thought I meant to him a lot less than I do, even if I knew I was important to him, just not to this extent."

"Why do you seem so disheartened then?" Kamui asked, perceptively. "I know how painful it is to be parted from someone you love."

"Love always felt like a far too simplistic word to describe how I feel about him," Sasuke said honestly, finally smashing the cigarette on the ashtray between them.

There was a pause. "I'm sorry if I'm being invasive, but I can't help but wonder about what happened," Kamui confessed gently. "Why aren't you together if you mean that much to each other?"

"Life happened," Sasuke said, with a dry, sarcastic laugh. "I don't even know. We noticed our feelings too late and too many things got in the way after that. Our goals are different, as is our way of seeing things. His then-girlfriend got pregnant. He wants to be Hokage of Konoha. I want to build a village. Then my child, too. There came a time when there was no turning back, the snowball had gotten too big."

"But you're still involved, the two of you," Kamui pointed out.

"Sometimes it's easier to just accept that there are things you can't change."

Kamui rested his cheek on a fist, tapping the fingers of the other hand on the surface of the table, thoughtfully. There was a pained, yet slightly annoyed crease on his forehead. "You don't seem like the type to accept such terms. I'm amazed, to be frank."

Sasuke took a sharp intake of breath and reached for his beer, tense. It annoyed him when people could read him easily, but coming from Kamui, it was sort of a relief for some reason.

"Naruto promised that he would end up with me, someday," he explained, slowly. "He's a fucking hypocrite and I don't believe him. But on the other hand, he always keeps his promises even if it kills him. Plus, I don't… no matter how I rationally think about it, my very being is incapable of doubting his feelings for me because we're connected. I know how he feels. He suffers as much as I do, even if differently. So, a part of me is still hopeful. Until he sorts his shit out, I just live life one day at a time and follow my path as he follows his."

Kamui didn't say anything for a few seconds, and when he finally opened his mouth, one of the girls interrupted him to pick up their empty mugs. She winked at him and he smiled at her as she left. Then, his full attention was back on Sasuke.

"And you don't feel the need to have other lovers as he does?" Kamui inquired, frowning again. "I know you don't even sleep with your wife, let alone have sex with her. I don't understand what's going on with your love or sex life, to be honest."

"Nothing's going on," Sasuke said truthfully, with another shrug. He took a few gulps of his beer before proceeding. "I don't have a love life or a sex life. I'm whimsical, so I don't always fuck Naruto when I'm in Konoha, which admittedly strains things between us. I don't have sex with my wife, no. She's my friend and things are too weird between us for that, I just can't. While I did have sex with some people, that was far too long ago when I wasn't in a good place."

"How many?"

Naruto had asked him and Sasuke had never answered. However, he had no problems answering Kamui's straightforwardness this time, probably because they now knew where they stood with each other, and also probably because he knew Kamui wouldn't judge him or feel bitter about it – he was too carefree an open-minded for that.

Absently, Sasuke wondered why it pleased him so much to annoy Naruto like this, knowing it would hurt him when he was always preaching about how he didn't want Naruto to hurt. His sex life truly wasn't spectacular, but he preferred to have the love of his life thinking him a slut than knowing how many people he truly had slept with during all these years.

It was nothing but spite, he knew. Nevertheless, he knew he'd slept with more people than Naruto, which was already saying a lot.

Maybe he was a bit of a slut. He had been able to get his dick up for four people outside of Naruto, so far, and he didn't consider himself exactly feisty.

But he didn't just get involved mindlessly because the people he'd been with had meaning to him, one way or another. They had been chosen, somehow, buy his mind and body, and he had no regrets.

"Two," Sasuke replied, effortlessly, before taking a healthy swig of his beer.

"And the Kazekage?"

Damn, Kamui was smart. Sasuke tsked, disbelievingly. "We had our bit of fun, but I respect him too much to fuck him. So outside of Naruto I only fucked two people."

Slamming his beet down, he wondered why the hell he was even telling these things to Kamui. He didn't feel guilty about any of it, but it didn't make him feel good. Being so nonchalant about his sexuality made him sound stupid and careless. This could be a major turn-off for Kamui, and maybe that was a good thing.

Was he trying to push Kamui away by attempting to drown his desire for him? Did he want Kamui to feel disenchanted by him somehow?

It would certainly make things easier for both of them.

But as Sasuke watched the man's handsome features, he had to ask himself if this was truly alright. Because he liked Kamui's face, he liked his body, too, and the sexual tension between them. He liked the constant admiration and intimacy in Kamui's eyes when they looked at each other like this. He liked the understanding, the open acceptance of everything he was.

This was just the beginning of something and things would change eventually. It didn't mean that Sasuke had to destroy it all just because he didn't know what to expect tomorrow.

Why was he fighting fire with fire, wounding himself just to make his life easier? Or was he simply making his life harder by punishing himself for not openly getting what he wanted?

This was a cycle of his, he noticed. He denied himself constantly to prove a point and to convince himself that he was doing the right thing.

But what was right or wrong, even? Everything was fucked already.

"You're such a strange person, Sasuke," Kamui eventually said, softly. "So you're just living your life waiting for your prince charming and not interested in relationships or sex."

"I'm not waiting for him; I just don't want to have meaningless coping sex anymore," Sasuke explained, bluntly. "Because that's what I did with those people. I have no regrets, but I was vulnerable. Even with Gaara, while there was a time when I considered we could be a good match, I was just trying to find something to drown out my anger."

"Like a replacement?"

"Nobody can replace the love of your life," Sasuke muttered, and the odd empathetic look in Kamui's eyes told him he understood him well. "You know that."

"Indeed," Kamui murmured. "Unless another love comes along that's greater than the first one. Sometimes, it happens. But your situation steers away from normal relationships, so I understand this can't possibly be applied to you and the war hero, Naruto. Together until the end of times and all that. Your Naruto is a weakness to you."

"No, never a weakness," Sasuke interjected, a little too quickly. "He's my strength."

"A wise answer."

"Right." Sasuke's eyes stared into Kamui's, trying to read his feelings and to understand the mood, but he couldn't. He swallowed. "I don't let it dictate my life, though. Nothing dictates my life, not even him."

"That's good to know," Kamui said, with a slow nod. His expression changed, then, to something intense, difficult to read, and yet his eyes didn't leave Sasuke's.

"What?" Sasuke asked, a little brusquely. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I got a little stuck on the meaningless coping sex part," Kamui explained, straightening up and bringing his hands together to snap his knuckles casually. "Not all random sex needs to be a coping mechanism, and not all sex without love needs to be meaningless."

Sasuke snorted. "That's rich coming from you," he threw.

"I'm just saying you got involved with people for a reason," Kamui explained, and he sounded so wise and on point that it pissed Sasuke off a bit. "It served a purpose, it wasn't meaningless. It's never meaningless if you don't regret it, Sasuke, as you sort of said so yourself."

"Well, I suppose you're probably right about that," Sasuke acquiesced, with a frown. "I have no regrets at all."

"I wonder why, then, you feel so hesitant when it comes to me," Kamui said, bluntly. "Haven't you seen enough of me to be more placated already?"

Not moving, again, Sasuke simply stared, completely unprepared for the rather blunt question and sudden change of topic.

Of course, he should've expected the conversation to come down to this – Kamui had been trying to get his feelings and thoughts out first so he could finally reach this point.

What did Kamui want him to say?

Sasuke had finally found some peace when it came to the man's identity and his intentions, and yet, a feeling of inescapable anxiousness clawed at his heart, and it wasn't something he could understand.

Yes, he was placated, and yes, he had come to terms with his lust for the man. But taking a step in that direction was something he didn't even know how to begin doing because Kamui was not Naruto, not even close. Also, Kamui was not Gaara, nor Taka – he was a unique person who had captivated him unexpectedly in more ways than one, and Sasuke didn't know how to deal with it.

Because he was attracted to Kamui, but he knew it wasn't just sexual and this upset his balance more than he cared to admit. While Sasuke had easily fallen into a physical relationship without remorse before, something ate at him when it came to Kamui.

He didn't even know what, exactly, he wanted from the man, but delving into it was exhausting and intimidating.

His hunger was so raw, yet so innocent that he couldn't understand where it came from.

Undeniably, Sasuke felt as if the smalles unexpected thing would trigger him and he had no idea what he'd do when it did, but was certain it would happen.

"Tell me one thing about yourself no one knows," Sasuke asked instead, dryly, instead of answering.

Kamui offered him a smile that, more than being disappointed, was knowing. If he was upset by Sasuke blatantly skipping his question, he didn't show it. "I have trypophobia," he said, graciously not pushing the subject. "Do you know what it is?"

"Of course I know what it is," Sasuke mumbled, rolling his eyes. "That's a boring fact."

"Well, I'm not a very spectacular person, and my life was always relatively simple," Kamui replied, chuckling. Sasuke nearly contradicted him – the alcohol was bringing out his feistiest side – but he thankfully held himself back. "Your turn."

"Haven't I told you enough about me for one day already?" Sasuke said, leaning back on his chair with a sigh. "You got more about my private life in an hour than many have in a lifetime."

Kamui's smirk was almost sweet now, yet his eyes on Sasuke were unfaltering, curious. "Trust me, I appreciate that, but just a tiny thing. Please."

After a few contemplative seconds, Sasuke ended up huffing. "Fine," he acquiesced, almost boringly. "I can play the flute."

Eyebrows rising, Kamui gasped slightly up. "The flute?"

"Well, not anymore, because I'd need two hands to play a proper melody, but I used to be quite good at it when I was kid," Sasuke explained, feeling oddly nostalgic yet bitter for reasons he couldn't fathom. "I think I still remember most of it. My father didn't really like how it sounded, though, so I used to play for my brother in the woods, and later on, for myself after my family died. I don't know why I stopped or when. I haven't thought about it in years."

An odd silence settled between them during which Kamui merely kept staring at Sasuke as if this disclosed fact had baffled him somehow.

"I don't understand what that look is," Sasuke ended up saying after a while, with a lopsided smirk as his fingers brushed along his beer mug. "You're so expressive and yet when you're taken aback I can't read you at all."

Kamui shook his head apologetically. "I'm just trying to figure out if playing the flute is surprising or something that kind of suits you," the man explained. "I saw some pictures of you as a kid, and some old files during your academy years and I'm surprised that this isn't mentioned there."

"It was a secret hobby, I don't think a lot of people have ever seen me playing, to be honest," Sasuke confessed, thoughtfully. "I'm not sure Naruto himself knows about it, now that I think about it."

Even though it was such a simple statement, something subtle changed in Kamui's expression, just as Sasuke had expected. While the man had become serious, his dark eyes were gleaming with something that resembled glee and self-satisfaction. This, Sasuke could see very well, and not only did it make Kamui look younger, but it also tempted Sasuke.

There was no denying that the display of conflicting emotions on Kamui's face at Naruto's name was very interesting to see. Of course, Sasuke was aware that this was a treat Kamui willingly offered him because he could close himself off at any time.

It was a fact that it gave Sasuke a frustrating sense of thrill.

"I'm glad I'm privy to at least one thing about you your beloved Naruto isn't," Kamui ended up saying smoothly, leaning in as if conspicuously, but the way he had said it had sounded insinuating.

How they had so easily learned to dance around each other and pull at each other's strings just right was fascinating, and not something Sasuke ever thought he'd go through with another person except Naruto. Perhaps that was the reason why it was all so absurdly enticing, difficult to ignore.

However, Sasuke still didn't understand why his situation with Kamui was so particular. He'd gone through several stages of emotional connection with Gaara before it eventually turned into intellectual chemistry, which eventually became a sort of sexual attraction. He knew the drill, knew the rush of novelty well.

He and Kamui had only known each other for less than two weeks. All the stages of courting he'd gone through with Gaara that had taken months and even years to achieve had successfully been consolidated in days with this ridiculously sassy and attractive man.

Granted, aside from Naruto, Sasuke had never felt this absurdly seduced by another person, and yet, this felt nothing like what he and Naruto shared.

Tilting his head to the side, Sasuke took his time observing Kamui's features. The man seemed to read him well, once again, as he leaned back slowly, giving him his mental space for a while as he reached for his pack of cigarettes again and calmly lit one for himself. He seemed peaceful, content, and comfortable even, and these were things that he easily transmitted to Sasuke as well.

It was all so tantalizing, yet so stupidly draining for him. Why was it so difficult to simply reach out and get what he wanted? He felt no guilt and had no fear. His doubts about Kamui had been extinguished. He had even accepted that he was attracted to the man, and yes, in his slightly inebriated state, he most certainly could admit that he wanted them to fuck like rabbits – but the nagging feeling was still there.

Even if he didn't want to think about it, he knew exactly what pestered him in such an insufferable way. Maybe it was just something he also needed to accept. Not doing so would probably stop him from taking action, and he knew he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he didn't.

Biting on his lower lip, he looked away from Kamui's tranquil face and down at the table.

It was absurd how it had come down to this so quickly, and he couldn't wrap his mind around it no matter how hard he tried, but facts were still facts and he was simply exhausted. That whole day had shown him that, as well as everything from the first day he met Kamui. It had all been an avalanche of events and an uncontrollable spiral of emotions, and Sasuke had somehow known that it would come down to this – his heartstrings had been pulled from the very start.

This current wasn't something he had wanted to allow to drag him, yet, there they were and he was rather willing to see where it would take him to.

As if reading Sasuke's solemn silence, Kamui chuckled. "Are you warming up to me finally, Uchiha-sama?"

Sasuke snorted. "Who knows? You'll just have to wait and see."

000

Dinner was a surprisingly delicious feast of homemade fish stew and freshly baked bread. As the tavern filled with rowdy customers, Sasuke and Kamui ate with gusto while now sharing a small bottle of sake. This was the first time they were drinking together, and the silent bet to see who would be affected first was obvious. Kamui handled his drinks well, and while Sasuke wasn't by far a heavy drinker, he could hold his own just fine, and thankfully, the food and recently brought water helped sober him up quite nicely.

Regardless, he was still slightly buzzed and feeling a lot more loosened up than he usually did, even if this greatly contrasted with the intense tension he felt in his body. Of course, the casual and almost familiar conversation between himself and Kamui was to blame, as well as the strange intimate mood that had settled between them somehow since their time at the beach, and that had only worsened since they had talked about Naruto and Sasuke's love life.

It was a rather unusual occurrence, Sasuke thought. Why would the tension between two people rise because of this? It was ridiculous that talking about Naruto had somehow made him feel even more conscious of Kamui. It was also stupid how it had affected Kamui as well. Sasuke had no idea how he knew about this, but he did – he was certain that there was a newfound tension in the way the man behaved despite how his demeanor hadn't changed.

Sasuke was sure that it was getting late, but he didn't notice the time passing. At some point during a joke Kamui was telling that he had heard recently, one of the girls approached their table with a big, inviting smile, and Sasuke had never seen her before. Well, more than being a 'girl', she was probably about Kamui's age, dark skinned with long and lustrous black hair that was loose and dark green eyes that easily passed as brown. She was very beautiful with her red-painted lips and nails, her body full and curvaceous, and she was dressed in a modest long beige dress.

She approached Kamui and put her small hand on his shoulder in an intimate way that had every muscle in Sasuke's body clenching.

"Come on, let me take care of you before the requests start coming," she said, straight to the point and with a courtesy that showed genuine eagerness – Sasuke would say it was a well-trained façade if he didn't know fucking Kamui was a treat to these poor girls if all the men surrounding them were an indication of their usual customers. She looked at Sasuke and smiled appreciatively. "Consider yourself invited, gorgeous. I'll take care of you, too."

"I'm fine, thank you," Sasuke instantly declined, knowing that he sounded rude, but for some reason, his mood had taken a sour turn. He should've expected this – after all, Kamui had his 'fun' nearly every single day, and they were just where they needed to be for that – but this annoyed him more than usual. It wasn't the woman's fault at all, and Sasuke was grateful that Kamui was at least respectful enough to not touch her back.

Despite this, the man was once again watching Sasuke's features like a hawk, the smallest smile curving the corner of his perfect mouth.

"Are you sure you're fine?" the woman said, not shying away from sounding condescending. "I swear the tension in this table is something else. I'm sure you could use a little relief."

Now, Sasuke could take Kamui's little escapades coming to pick him up, but he did not need to be humiliated in the process and have this person – this absurdly beautiful woman that for sure was a favorite of Kamui's, smart and straightforward and surely experienced – telling him he needed to get laid.

"Sasuke," Kamui called out gently as soon as Sasuke opened his mouth to throw the nasty remark that was itching at the tip of his tongue.

"I'm fine," Sasuke threw, coldly composed, staring daggers into Kamui's knowing eyes. "Don't let me stop your daily coping."

Much to Sasuke's frustration, the man's smile didn't falter. Instead, he graciously got up and circled the table until he was standing next to Sasuke's seat. The woman observed the scene with her arms crossed over her chest and a rather curious look in her eyes.

Kamui extended a hand towards Sasuke, palm turned upward. "Please, come with me," he asked softly, and there was nothing in his voice that gave away his intentions, no mockery, no reproach – just the genuine request.

Sasuke didn't even look at the hand. "Is this a kink of yours?" he asked, with false casualty. "Exhibitionism?"

"I don't know," Kamui replied simply, as non-offended as usual. "I guess we'll find out today."

And this answer took Sasuke off guard completely. There was a biting remark pressing to be released, but the words were eaten away by the strong and unexpected urge to know what Kamui's plan was or what he intended with this.

Why was he doing this? To upset him? To fuck with his mind? To make him crack?

Was this a challenge more than it being a request? Because if it was, Sasuke would be damned if he ever gave Kamui the upper hand.

Without thinking twice, Sasuke ignored the offered hand and stood. Defiantly, he said, "Let the lady lead the way."

000

It felt as if someone was crushing his heart between two hands and that his lungs had become too big for his ribcage. His temper was so inexplicably foul his muscles seemed to glitch with nerves and unwanted tension.

Sasuke was too livid to feel awkward, yet too stubborn to back down. He didn't know what made him feel this way, because he wasn't angry but he felt like absolute shit. He was ready to create havoc, and despite not knowing what to expect or what would come out of it, he knew one thing for sure – he would win this little game, whatever it was.

Sasuke wasn't angry at the woman, no. He didn't feel jealous, no. He wasn't even angry at Kamui – quite the contrary because he was impressed. Kamui sure had balls, making such a suggestion knowing Sasuke's temper and how fragile their balance was.

Kamui had certainly learned how to handle him considering the short time they had known each other, and despite being provocative, he had always been impressively wise in dealing with Sasuke.

However, this was something else entirely. This was a thrilling, yet revolting challenge, and Sasuke had yet to understand whether Kamui had hit the jackpot or finally screwed up big time, and just when things had apparently gotten better for their relationship.

The unpredictability of this twist was what had taken Sasuke completely off guard, but he was ready. Leave it to that disgustingly smart man to know how to unsettle him.

Sasuke didn't know if he felt nauseated or horny for disturbing reasons he wasn't familiar with. It had been a long time since he'd felt so out of tune with himself, so completely at the mercy of events that he had no idea what the outcome would be or how he would react.

Regardless, he wasn't intimidated at all.

The woman took Kamui by the hand as Sasuke followed behind. She guided them to a small back room that had nothing but two armchairs facing each other and a round table between them. On the table, there was a bottle of liquor, two small glasses, a box of issues and a bowl filled with colorful packs that Sasuke easily recognized as condoms and lube. There was also a small trash can at the farther corner on the left side.

Sasuke's stomach churned unpleasantly as Kamui and the woman entered the room. Stopping himself, he stood on the threshold, watching as she casually reached for the bottle and uncapped it while the man sat down on the armchair to the right. The light was dim, more monotonous than sensual, but because the walls were painted red, everything had been tainted by the same color, and Sasuke instantly hated it.

What was going to happen? Was the woman going to ride Kamui while he watched? Or was she simply going to give him a blow job? Or something else entirely?

When the thought crossed his mind, he took a sharp intake of breath.

The woman filled both small glasses with the liquor and she and Kamui exchanged a few words Sasuke had become deaf to. It all seemed so casual between them, familiar even that it made his brain short-circuit.

He instantly realized that he did not want to know what was about to happen at all.

Sasuke found himself rooted to the spot as the woman and Kamui exchanged an intimate smile. She towered over him to cup his face. There was nothing all that special in the touch until that same hand brushed down Kamui's chest to push him back.

Breathless, Sasuke watched as her smile became cheeky as she let her hand travel further down to Kamui's pants, pretty fingers fumbling with the button teasingly, and this was when his mind went completely blank at the same time that absolute clarity hit him like a bucket of freezing water.

As stubborn and defiant as Sasuke was, he could not go through with watching this, simply because he didn't want to.

There was nothing in his mind then because something in him gave up on fighting something that, for the moment, was clear and pretty damn simple. He knew it would eat at him later, maybe for days, weeks or months, but for now, he had no feelings about his own clarity or what he did or did not want.

The woman was beautiful, and she and Kamui were friends. Looking at it was infuriating, and Sasuke accepted that it pissed him off.

He was fine knowing about Kamui's sexual endeavors, but seeing it was a whole new thing, and witnessing someone's hands on the man did inexplicable things to Sasuke that he could not – and did not – want to deal with.

Exhausting, all of it.

Again, it wasn't jealousy, but there was something else there that was incredibly bothersome and that felt a lot like possessiveness.

Realizing this brought a new wave of lucidity for Sasuke as frustration made his blood boil.

Was this what Kamui had been looking for? Had he been trying to see what Sasuke would do when faced with such a situation?

Had he been planning to have Sasuke crack all along?

Even if Sasuke wanted to prove him wrong, he concluded that he didn't want to. At that moment, there was nothing in hell or earth that could possibly make him go through with watching something he wanted being taken by someone else.

The woman ended up snapping the button of Kamui's pants open, and that was when Sasuke's patience snapped too.

"What's your name?" He asked unexpectedly from his spot at the entrance, forcing the attention of the two in front of him to focus on him. His voice had sounded oddly calm, polite even.

"Tsumugi," the woman replied, not moving her hand away from Kamui's pants but still a little surprised, offering him a pleasant smile regardless.

The strangest thing happened then, as all negative feelings fled from Sasuke's body, and the tension, anxiety, and exasperation were replaced by eloquence and absolute confidence as all thought seemed to leave Sasuke's brain and he started to work on instinct alone.

He now knew exactly how this was going to end.

"Well, Tsumugi," Sasuke said, finally taking a slow step inside the room and elegantly stepping aside to expose the exit. "I kindly ask you to leave."

If Tsumugi had looked surprised before, her smile completely disappeared now. She looked at Kamui for confirmation, utterly confused. "Leave?"

"Yes, your services won't be needed," Sasuke clarified, his voice as well-mannered as before.

Kamui was speechless, but he was eyeing Sasuke with absolute fire in his eyes, and if there was a moment Sasuke was sure their thoughts connected, this was it. Their eyes locked and did not leave each other.

There was an odd yet short pause where the silence was cutting. Kamui swallowed and it became clear that he had become short of breath, his eyes a little wider than usual, excitement and anticipation evident, and seeing this certainly did nothing to tone down the tension between them as Sasuke's libido seemed to escalate.

"Kamui," he called out, and his voice was firm, yet soft, causing the man to jump slightly and straighten up again.

"Yes," Kamui said, almost absently as if the woman had suddenly become the least interesting thing in the room. "Thank you, Tsumugi, you can leave."

Sasuke was only vaguely aware of the woman taking a moment to look back at him before straightening up and heaving a long sigh. When her hands stopped touching Kamui Sasuke felt a sense of relief and satisfaction that he couldn't place.

"Well, this is unfortunate, but suit yourselves," she ended up saying, sounding more disappointed than exactly upset. "The room is yours for half an hour. If you take longer the boss will come knocking."

"Right, will do," Kamui said with a nod, still without looking at her.

As Tsumugi made her way outside, Sasuke forced himself to avert his gaze from Kamui to offer her a respectful nod. She took another yearnful look at the two of them over her shoulder before leaving, and Sasuke wasted no time in closing the door behind her a little too forcefully.

Again, Sasuke's eyes found Kamui's, and another cutting silence followed as the air seemed to become thicker, heavier now that it was just the two of them. The noise of glasses clinking, men chattering and women laughing could be heard in the distance. It was comforting, yet Sasuke's heart thumped faster inside his chest, adrenaline and Kamui's intense, predatory gaze on him somehow keeping him grounded.

Taking another sharp intake of breath through his nose, Sasuke slowly made his way to the small table. Gracefully, he picked up one of the small glasses and carried it to the available armchair, where he sat, leaning back. He took a sip on the liquor, grateful that it was strong and not sweet.

He licked his lips. "You're absolutely disgusting," he told Kamui conversationally, as if talking about the weather.

The other man, too, leaned back, stretching both arms over the armrests, and while he appeared relaxed, there was stiffness in his muscles that gave away the anticipation in his body. "Is that so?" he said, and his voice was so soft it brought a chill to Sasuke's spine, yet he did nothing to give it away. "I thought you'd be a little more unsettled."

It was a good thing Kamui at least hadn't seen his internal conflict, Sasuke considered, pleased – it would definitely give him an upper hand.

Kamui's pants were still unbuttoned and he did nothing to redeem the fact. Sasuke could see a glimpse of dark green underwear, and the obvious contour of a very prominent arousal.

It made his throat constrict. "You asked me to come with you to unsettle me?" he asked, before taking another sip of his drink.

"Of course," Kamui replied, almost sweetly, tilting his head slightly to the side. "I want to rattle you."

Under the strange reddish environment and dim light, Kamui's skin looked darker, yet every contour of his face and body seemed to be favored, for he had never looked so ridiculously flawless before.

"You don't know me, Kamui," Sasuke said without hesitation, and this time, his voice had come out darker, a little cold, too, and he didn't know why this gave him such a rush that his pants were getting tighter by the second. "Very few things unsettle me, and this is certainly not one of them. Unfortunately for you, I become nastier when I drink."

Kamui made a low, sensual sound with the back of his throat before saying "Is that a threat?"

"My element is fire," Sasuke said, uttering each word clearly. "Fuck around and you might get burned."

Kamui's fingers of both hands clawed at the ends of the armrests. "Maybe that's what I'm looking for," he said, without missing a beat. "So, what, exactly, are we doing here, Sasuke? Why did you send Tsumugi away?"

It was a question Kamui had the answer to, but he wanted Sasuke to say it. Maybe he just wanted to continue the provocative banter, but this was not what Sasuke had in mind at all.

"Finish what you started, Kamui," Sasuke countered simply, sounding infinitely more in control than he felt.

If the words took Kamui by surprise, he gave no indication. He didn't move, didn't blink, the life and eagerness burning in his eyes was the only giveaway of how the sentence made him feel.

He swallowed again. "You know," he started, and there was suffocated heat in his voice, mixed with yearnful fondness. "You are the most insufferable person I have ever met."

Sasuke all but offered him a lopsided, knowing smirk. "You're not the first person to tell me that, and I don't give a fuck," he said, knowing he sounded arrogant, but loving the way it made the other man hold his breath. "Regardless, I think it just makes you hornier."

At this, Kamui was rendered speechless, or perhaps his mind had finally short-circuited. Sasuke felt an unbearable heat consume him from head to toe as his mind unavoidably became fuzzier. He couldn't blame him when he had no idea what the fuck he was doing but knew he was on the verge of breaking. He had no idea for how long he could hold on to this teasing banter before he snapped completely.

Sasuke's smile disappeared. Carefully, he reached out to set the glass on the table before sitting back again. Impulsively, he slowly spread his legs, knowing very well that this would expose the erection painfully confined inside his pants but for once not caring. When Kamui's eyes acknowledged the evident bulge, he felt himself pulse in need, anxiety and desire filling him.

It had been a while since he'd felt like this.

When he spoke again, his words came out in a whisper, not at all as composed as he had wanted. "I'm waiting."

He wasn't thinking anymore, but he didn't care.

Kamui's hands gripped the armrests now as he bit down on his lower lip hard. Sasuke would give anything just then to know what was going through his mind – if anything at all – but the sight alone of Kamui's reaction was a sight to behold.

With a soft sigh, Kamui finally moved, one hand slowly reaching inside his clothes. His eyes had glazed over a bit but they were still glued to Sasuke. All the previous yearnful, appreciative looks he had ever thrown Sasuke's way were nothing compared to the current lustful hunger in his features. His expression was lewd, and he had never looked more handsome, with his silky hair falling to his chest. Sasuke wanted to tug at it.

He had seen Kamui naked several times, and yes, the man had never been shy so he had seen his erection more times than he liked to admit. Regardless, this time, instead of looking away, Sasuke looked without shame as the member emerged from its confines, looking painfully hard, the tip glistening with precome.

While he hadn't given it much thought before, now it made his mouth water.

"I won't last," Kamui said in a harsh breath, gripping his cock in his fist and giving it a few slow pumps without a single hint of embarrassment.

"I don't expect you to," Sasuke said, too quickly as he, too, gripped the ends of the armchair to hold on to what little control he had left. He was so hard he knew he would probably come if he so much as brushed his arousal by accident.

By now he didn't know if he wanted to look at Kamui's cock or his face, but because he wanted to provoke the other, he allowed his eyes to observe the turgid member first.

Kamui used his thumb to gently spread some precome on the head of his cock. The clear fluid emerging from the tip coated Kamui's fingers and aided the process, and there was something hypnotizing in how confident he used it as he then easily stroked himself. Sasuke had the feeling that the guy wanted to give him a show but was already too excited to be able to, so he didn't exactly start slow, working his fist up and down his cock at a steady pace that further quickened his breathing.

Sasuke would lie if he said that knowing Kamui got a thrill out of being watched by him didn't turn him on like crazy, and he would've never guessed they'd come down to this so easily.

Who am I kidding? Sasuke thought, with an inside scoff. Kamui had no taboos, and neither did he, so of course this would be the outcome. Stupid of him to assume otherwise.

Longing and affection assaulted him, then, but he pushed these feelings away. It was so much easier to deal with the sexual part of their relationship, and he was doing just fine following up a straight line.

Just then, he was just fine imagining that strong hand working his cock instead. Sasuke had been touched enough by him to know how those hands felt on his skin, how strong they were, how capable, and how gentle.

Sasuke admitted to himself to having fantasized about Kamui but those fantasies had been rather self-indulgent, where he'd do the touching and the fucking to a body that was mostly a virgin to another man's embrace. Of course, he'd imagined what their bodies would feel like pressed together, but this was the first time that he felt the need to have those hands on him exclusively without mutuality, caressing, worshiping, pleasuring him. He wanted to know how they would touch him, where it would begin and end. He wanted to know how it would feel to have Kamui jerk him off.

Clenching his teeth, Sasuke looked up at Kamui's handsome features, which was a mistake that had his libido escalating to ridiculous proportions because the man's dark eyes were still on him, and his expression – like so many others he'd seen that night – was unknown to Sasuke but mesmerizing, nonetheless.

His gaze was hazed, eyelids heavy from the stimulation but fierce with hunger and obvious desire to affect him. His mouth was slightly open, but he slowly let his tongue peek from between his lips to wet them before shamelessly releasing a small, yet dirty sigh.

The man was so wet Sasuke had to wonder why or how. He'd been straight up to that point, how was it that Sasuke, a man without an arm, was able to excite him to such an extent? Kamui had sex nearly every day, how come he still had this sort of hunger for him?

It was incomprehensible to the Uchiha, but he couldn't deny that it did give him a strangely sick sense of power.

Inside Sasuke's underwear, he could feel his own juices flowing, staining the cloth as he felt himself throb.

Clenching his fist, Sasuke swallowed. "Say my name," he whispered, and while his voice shook slightly, it had sounded filthy even to him.

Kamui's eyes narrowed as he took a shaky breath. "You don't play a fair game," he uttered lewdly, his hand speeding up on his cock as he searched for a faster release. "Sasuke…"

There was a pressing urgency boiling inside Sasuke's chest, and perhaps it was due to the novelty of it all that suddenly made it so impossible to resist – because this was another man who wasn't Naruto. Or perhaps it was simply that this chemistry was just that, unburdened as it was, and did not come from a place of pain, love, and the suffocating longing that loneliness brought.

Uncomplicating it made it easier to accept, and infinitely easier to fall into, to want with complete abandon.

Resolutely and all too impatient, Sasuke got to his feet and slowly made his way toward Kamui, the man's eyebrows rising and even in the dim light, his skin seemed to darken with the heat that reached his cheeks.

Kamui stopped stroking himself. For the few seconds it took for Sasuke to walk around his armchair, his head and gaze inquisitively followed him until he was standing behind it and slightly to the side.

Kamui was looking over his shoulder with heated hope and confusion by then. When Sasuke reached out to drape his arm around his shoulders, an undistinguished noise left the other's throat. Leaning down, Sasuke then brought their foreheads together for a moment, feeling Kamui's muscles clenching in anticipation, yet the man did nothing to press their intimacy, which, all things considered, was an impressive display of restraint, but something Sasuke was growing frustrated with.

Heaving a soft sigh, Sasuke confidently pressed his lips to the man's forehead once before moving lower to Kamui's temple. He perceived Kamui's eyes fluttering shut as he held his breath, and it was exactly the reaction Sasuke wanted.

"Keep going," Sasuke breathed, now against Kamui's cheek, lips running a trail lower still, to his strong jaw, elated when Kamui tilted his head to the side so he could press open-mouthed kisses to the column of his neck, where he could smell soap and cigarettes and that distinct smell was so his – it set Sasuke's senses on fire.

A strangled agreeing noise left Kamui's throat before he resumed stroking himself, faster this time, and at this point, Sasuke knew well what he wanted and that it was no use fighting it anymore because he daringly slid a hand inside the collar of Kamui's shirt, anxious for more skin on skin contact, not expecting the rush it gave him when the man trembled and arched into his touch with a relieved moan.

His hearing was oddly focused the sound of his own kisses and the slippery slapping sounds of Kamui's hand on his cock.

Running his tongue along the side of Kamui's neck, Sasuke wantonly caressed Kamui's chest, exploring firm skin that wasn't unknown to him anymore despite the newfound burning heat emanating from it, relishing in the feel of hard muscles and strong pecs, and the fact that he took great pleasure in feeling small, perky nipples under his palm shouldn't have been surprising to him. However, he was momentarily taken aback by how good this made him feel and how big in him was the urge to feel and explore more the body he had unwillingly admired for so many days already.

Kamui reached out behind him to touch the back of Sasuke's head, a little none too gently closing his fingers around the black strands of his hair in a silent demand for more affection as he worked himself faster, grunting sinfully as Sasuke pinched a nipple in search for effect before letting his hand slid lower still so he could feel the contours of his navel and the absurd perfect contours of his abs. He could feel Kamui's hand working fast, and for a moment, he felt the impulse to help, but stubbornly reminded himself to keep up with his initial plan.

Teasingly, Sasuke offered a rough bite to Kamui's ear before leaning away only enough to look at the other man, who turned his face to him with the most desperately luscious gaze he could've asked for. Their labored breaths collided as they exchanged a brief look between them. Sasuke's chest tightened as his heart beat faster and he felt himself burn with excitement, and he didn't know who moved first, but it made sense when their lips met a little too forcefully, making him feel dizzy and turned on to the point of madness.

Neither was hesitating anymore, and neither was self-conscious because the kiss was a little clumsy and uncoordinated at first, but mouths eagerly opened and devoured, and tongues met rapidly, moistly, and Sasuke had no idea what he had expected from this, but it was all that and perhaps a little more.

He vaguely wondered if Kamui fucked the same way he kissed.

It didn't take long for a shameless, dragged moan to leave Kamui's mouth, his chest rising and falling rapidly while his body tightened beautifully, and even though he kept hungrily kissing him, Sasuke knew the man was coming, and that the kiss had obviously triggered him and there was nothing quite as provocative or stimulating as that just then.

He wanted to see Kamui coming – wanted to watch as he pumped himself and his seed spurted out – but the sounds Kamui made and the taste of his wet kisses didn't allow him to, yet Sasuke heard every single sound and paid close attention to every spasm, every tremor, loving every second and a little horrified at himself about the fact.

For a moment Sasuke felt lightheaded, Kamui's erratic heartbeat thumping against his palm, breathing ragged in the throes of passion as he breathed hotly against his mouth, yet his body slowly went still, fingers finally relaxing on Sasuke's hair.

It was over for the older man, but if Sasuke had been on edge before, it was nothing compared to how he felt now, with lips pressed to the man and a desperate desire for release that fueled a seemingly endless hunger.

This couldn't be the end of it – he would most definitely not allow it.

Unexpectedly, he felt Kamui's hand grabbing his wrist and forcefully removing his hand from inside his shirt, which surprised Sasuke because he broke the kiss a little abruptly.

He had no time to ask what was going on because he was being pulled with as Kamui guided him from behind the armchair and Sasuke confusedly complied, semi-stumbling on his feet until he was standing in front of him. Looking down, this was when he had a full view of Kamui's still very erect cock – that looked bigger and more swollen than before for some reason, shining with fluids – and the glorious mess of cum in his shirt.

Kamui was still sitting while Sasuke was still standing between the man's parted knees, which had the older man at eye level with his clothed erection.

These things he was privy to were a momentary indulgence because Sasuke's attention was immediately captured as hands quickly started to fumble with the strings in his pants, an action his brain caught on rather easily, and he didn't even have time to feel surprised or impressed by Kamui's prompt handling of the situation – he was too wound up already to debate on frivolous things or even have any sense of hesitation or shame. He didn't even care that Kamui's dirty hand was soiling his clothes.

All Sasuke knew was that he wanted it and needed it. He was sure he would die if he didn't come in the next minute, and he realized he wanted Kamui's touch, desperate for intimacy, for contact, otherwise, the mindless release would make no sense.

It was a chaos of urgency on both parts then, and Sasuke vaguely wondered why Kamui was still so excited after orgasming, but he certainly wasn't going to complain.

"Touch me…" Sasuke uttered urgently, to which Kamui merely nodded enthusiastically, albeit wordlessly.

Kamui's hands easily lowered Sasuke's pants and underwear only enough to set his arousal free, and Sasuke was very aware of the fact that the tip was helplessly oozing precum, the pungent scent of desire hitting them both in the now stuffy room. Sasuke only had time to brace himself by putting his hand on the other man's shoulder before Kamui took him in his mouth with confidence, causing his legs to almost buckle at the unexpected sensation of warmth surrounding his cock.

"Ah, fuck…" Sasuke hissed, knowing it was coming but completely unprepared for how strongly his very being reacted to the adrenaline the sensation arose.

Eager and far too hot hands pulled his sweatshirt up and invaded and possessively touched naked skin, running over his sides and his chest, calloused fingers searching for his nipples and brushing over them tenderly, and the intimacy provided such a relieving sensation, so beautifully complementary to his sexual pleasure that Sasuke all but released a groan between clenched teeth as Kamui did his best to suck him off and take him in as far as he could.

It was obvious that his companion had never done this in his life because he was too fast, too rough, and almost comically awkward, but he was mindful enough to not let teeth interfere, the tongue swirled just right over the weeping head and there was just the right amount of saliva that allowed for the perfect slickness every time Kamui's mouth worked back and forth.

Sasuke wanted to see it, to look at the gorgeous man who had opened himself up to him like this and watch as his cock was worked by that clever mouth, but he had lost the ability to do anything but close his eyes and simply feel.

Sasuke's body curved slightly, towering over Kamui as it tensed further, his legs clenching as lust pooled inside him. He couldn't really process the fact that Kamui was doing this, that he so enthusiastically wanted to get him off, but the fact and the dedication, the sheer passion with which his hands touched him and clawed at his skin was enough to make him feel like he was spinning out of control.

His teeth sank into his lower lip, and it didn't matter if Kamui was an expert or not because it was still good enough for him to know he was too close, shock and bliss making him tremble openly as absolute pleasure was forced out of his body.

When Kamui's hands boldly traveled lower to cup Sasuke's exposed asscheeks and give them a firm squeeze fingers buried in the crevice of his ass, Sasuke clenched the fabric of the man's shirt and his lips parted as a gasp left his chest. His voice got stuck inside his constricted throat and he had no mind, no ability to warn the man as his orgasm hit him with the force of a hurricane and he came helplessly between labored breaths and moans that didn't sound like they came from him at all, and he didn't feel like himself, as if this was not his body but someone else's as his brain completely blacked out.

His cock pulsed vigorously and his seed was suddenly leaving him and coating the inside of Kamui's mouth, so in search for more slickness, more pleasure – simply more – he spontaneously thrust into that amazing mouth a few times, yet the other didn't complain once, simply releasing a sort of noise that sounded encouraging to Sasuke's ears, and through it all, Kamui took it with gusto and without a second thought as his mouth worked faster on Sasuke's cock.

Sasuke's climax seemed to last for several minutes and yet, it was over too soon, but as the last spurts of seed left him, he went completely still as his body trembled gently as his mind struggled to return to reality and focus. He was barely aware of Kamui still working his way on this cock, slower this time, lapping at the remnants of cum there almost sweetly, as if to wipe him clean, and it was as provocative as it was soothing. A small kiss was pressed to the tip of his cock, and he would have laughed if he could muster up the will.

It wasn't funny at all. He felt so content, yet it didn't feel like it was enough. He was supposed to feel relieved, satiated but he was far from being calmer, his heart refusing to slow down, every cell in his body screaming for lack of completion.

This was… completely new to him and he couldn't make sense of it. He couldn't make sense of anything in his stupidly childish state of arousal.

Kamui finally allowed Sasuke's cock to slip from his mouth. With a sigh, he let his head fall to Sasuke's stomach.

A long pause followed during which Sasuke tried to calm down, unsuccessfully. Then Kamui's hands released his ass, moving to his lower back in a sensual caress that made his spine arch in delight. Sasuke didn't care that those hands felt sticky and all but swallowed hard, opening his eyes and looking down to the messy strands of sleek hair.

By gods, he was still hard, and Kamui knew it because his chin was currently resting on the base of his cock. Despite this, Sasuke wasn't embarrassed – what use was it when they'd come this far already?

He released Kamui's shirt and tentatively ran his fingers through Kamui's hair, not understanding why the silky strands felt so seductive just then that did nothing to soothe him.

"I… you just…"

Kamui cleared his throat. "I wasn't thinking," he said raggedly, sounding as breathless as Sasuke was. "But it's fine. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was, and it was worth it to hear you moan like that."

How was this man real?

The words alone had the immediate effect of hitting Sasuke with another helpless urge to unleash hell, and that was exactly what he was willing to do.

If he had already cracked, might as well take full advantage of it.

A surge of strength filled him, and he grabbed Kamui's upper arm, forcing him to his feet. The man didn't even have the decency to look surprised, and as they locked eyes, understanding immediately passed between them because Kamui pulled him close by the waist and pressed his open mouth to his, and Sasuke had no intention or emotional ability to deny him anymore, because he all but put an arm around the man's shoulders and allowed their tongues to touch in a searing kiss that was so famished one would say they hadn't just made each other come at all.

Their unclothed erections touched, teasing them both in an embrace that was far too heated, Kamui's hands exploring Sasuke's skin with heavy and fascinated touches that were as curious as gleeful, filled with fondness and unspoken words, and the intimacy was something Sasuke had no idea he needed until then, yet didn't want to read.

It briefly crossed his mind that they felt more like lovers than sex partners, but the thought confused him, so he pushed it aside.

Sasuke couldn't breathe, didn't even know where to go from here, but he was certainly ready to have the man bend over for him on that armchair.

However, Kamui seemed to read his mind because he resignedly broke the kiss. "Not here," he whispered, kissing the corner of Sasuke's mouth. "Let's go."

Well, there was no mistaking what that meant and what Kamui's intentions were from here on out, and Sasuke could only nod his agreement, perhaps a little too excitedly.

They were both a little unwilling to let go of each other but eventually, Sasuke took a step back so they could both tuck themselves in and fix their clothes to the best of their abilities both ignoring the soiled spots.

Then, Kamui grabbed Sasuke's hand, using the other one to reach for the bowl and select a few packs that he then promptly shoved inside his pocket.

Without another word, he pulled Sasuke towards the door and outside of the room, straight towards the upper floor and his room, and the Uchiha allowed it, unable to fight and think about anything at all but what would happen as soon as they were behind closed doors.

TBC…


*Coughs* well, this last scene was one of the many ideas I had for this scene that lived in my mind rent-free for several weeks. It was written during ungodly hours and with far too much sleep-deprived excitement because I so wanted to see how they would react in an intimate situation, but I had a great time. Sorry if the chapter or the sex scene seems a little hallucinated – I think that's a reflection of my own mental state nowadays working night shifts.

I might or might not write the full sex scene, we'll see. I'll probably write it as an extra so readers can skip it if they want? What do you guys think?

ANYWAY, thank you so much for all the love you've given this fic and Kamui!

Please don't forget to comment!

See y'all soon!