A/N This is a short chapter, I was very busy this week and overall exhausted, but still wanted to get a chapter out. Sorry if the quality has dropped, this is being written at 2 AM, lets go! ~ Des
Mystic Radio Ep. 12 : "Am I allowed these feelings?"
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MC POV
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"Good morning Jaehee." I say as she groggily steps out of her room in her usual sleep pants and tank top. "Are you sure you're not sick?" I ask before turning my attention back to the eggs I was making for us.
Ever since our meeting last night, it feels like something has been up with her. She almost never sleeps in, and I sure as hell dont usually wake up before she does. She may be a morning person but I definitely am not. I really hope Seven didn't say anything weird...
"Um y-yes. I'm fine thank you MC." she says as if caught by surprise. "Hey, MC.. Were your sleep shorts always so, um, short." she asks with her eyes glancing at my bare legs.
"They're called sleep shorts, so yeah, why?" I ask. I usually stay in my pajamas, an oversized tee and some short bottoms, till after breakfast on Sundays, so I dont know why she noticed this now.
"No reason.". She diverts her attention and starts preparing her morning coffee.
If I didn't know better, I could have sworn her cheeks were red. Today feels weird. Aside from me being up first, and Jaehee not being on her second cup of coffee, our routine is the same. But unlike usual, things seem more tense and ridged.
Wanting to start up conversation, I ask "How did you sleep? You're usually up an hour or so before me.".
"Oh, I just had some things on my mind." she excuses.
"Did... Seven say anything last night?" I ask which makes her freeze in the middle of bragging a mug.
"Why do you ask." she questions in a low tone, before quickly finishing her cup and scurrying over to the table.
So he did say something. Damnit Seven what have you done?!
"Just a hunch." I say as I serve our eggs. Taking my usual spot across from her, I ask "What did he tell you? Was it something about me?".
My mind rushes to come up with excuses for damage control. I like Jaehee, but ruining our friendship isn't worth telling her that.
She fiddles with a few strands of hair on the back of her neck, a telltale sign she's lying."It was nothing, really.".
Whatever it was, it's made her so uncomfortable she doesn't feel like she can tell me.
"Okay." I simply say, not wanting to push it any farther.
The rest of the meal is spent in suffocating silence. A huge contrast compared to our usual joyful banter.
"Hey-" I start before she abruptly stands up.
"I'm going to church today." she explains. "Do you mind if I do the dishes when I get back?".
Without waiting for an answer shes already gotten up and gone into her room.
"Yeah, I'll do them today." I say to the empty room.
I dont know fully what's happening, but whatever it is, is really painful as I watch her slowly grow away from me.
'Is liking her really so bad?'.
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Jaehee POV
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After picking out a suitable dress, I come back out from my room to see MC has already started doing the dishes.
"I would have done those when I got back." I say.
"I know, but I figured I'd get them out of the way.". My eyes inadvertently drift down back to her visibly small, slim thighs before i force my gaze back up. "You look nice in that dress. The blue really brings out your eyes." she compliments.
My face instantly heats up and I wonder to myself if I look like a tomato right now. I probably do.
"Thanks. Gotta gay- Uh! I mean go!" I quickly manage out. "Gotta go! Yeah, bye!". I head down the stairs before she can say it back.
Since when was I such a mess? I cant seem to function like a normal human being today. On top of it all, I feel like such a pervert for staring at her butt... When you realize you actually like someone, it is so much worse. Gosh, I really wish I had gotten more sleep last night instead of letting my thoughts run wild.
Mass ends in a flash and soon it's just me and a handful of stranglers left. I kneel down bowing my head, confusion scattering my thoughts.
"God? Are you there? I know it's been a while, but for once in a long, long time, I don't know what to do. I don't even know if gay people are accepted into your gates. I really hope so. Some say it's still love, others say it's sinful. I really don't wish to go against you, and I'm so torn between what I thought about myself, and what I think now. It's been so long since I've felt like this, and these feelings have crept up on me like a vine. Please, just show me what to do... Am I allowed these feelings?".
I stay in silence but find no answer.
"If it is so wrong, I truly hope you can forgive me... But, if I have a chance, I don't know if I can let this feeling go. I made that mistake once. If I cant free myself from these thoughts, I'm sorry. Amen.".*
With that I leave the church. My head is still in shambles, but I feel overall calmer than when I came in.
I hope this isn't a mistake.
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MC POV
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I wonder why Jaehee wanted to go to church suddenly.
'Maybe she went to pray the gay away...' .
It doesn't ease my worry that Seven still hasn't responded my messages. I've already anxiously cleaned the whole living area, as well as change my clothes several times so they covered as much skin as possible, but also not so unusual they would be suspicious. I decide to try and distract myself by playing LoL.
'Maybe Yoosung wil be- oh, wait. He has an internship with Jumin now..'.
"The situation was bad enough and now I don't even have my gaming friend?!" I yell angrily to myself.
I let out an exhale of exhaustion and sit in my desk chair. Getting angry about nothing isn't going to help anything. Right before I put on my headset, my phone vibrates in my pocket, and I almost drop it while scrambling to get it out.
Zen: "Heyy, mind if I come over tonight? I'd say sooner, but I'll need to pick up some food beforehand."
MC: "Jaehee isn't here, and I don't know when she'll be back."
Zen: "What? Oh. I have something that I wanted to tell you, that's all."
MC: "Tell me? That you cant say over text?"
I wonder if it's about Jaehee..
MC: "If you want, you can come over for dinner."
Zen: "Really? I won't be disrupting your meal?"
MC: "No, not at all. The extra company would be nice for a change."
Maybe if Zen is here, it will ease the tension, plus distract Jaehee a bit.
I'm about to put my phone away before I get another text.
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MC: "Seven! You idiot ketchup head! What dud you tell Jaehee?!"
MC: "GAH! I'm so mad I can't even spell properly. Answer me coward!"
11:39
707: "You realize I have a job right? I don't get Sundays off to play with my little girl toy like you do."
707: "I swear, on my honor as the defender of justice, I did NOT tell her you liked her."
MC: "Then why is she being so weird?! I think she figured it out.."
707: "Oh, she figured out something all right. She figured out I'm gay."
MC: "Wait what?"
707: "I told her I'm gay to see how she reacted."
707: "I think she just needs some time to process but is overall okay with it."
MC: "Really? She isn't appalled by the idea?"
A huge sense of relief washes over me and I feel my shoulders relax.
MC: "Thank you Seven, like a lot."
707: "No prob! Gotta get back to work or Vandy will be mad. Toodles~"
"Well, at least that's one less thing to worry about." I mutter to myself. "And... I already invited Zen over.". I sigh in exasperation.
I turn off my phone and start my computer. The game providing a nice distraction from my thoughts.
Before I know it, hours tick by. I glace at my phone, almost distrusting the time stamped on it.
'Mass would have ended an while ago... Where is Jaehee at?'
I hope nothing happened to her. I startle slightly at the chime of our doorbell. Did she forget her keys? I go to let her in, and ask her how church was, but am instead greeted by a lovely white haired Zen.
For a split second, I feel a pit of disappointment. I quickly shove it aside and welcome Zen in with a hug.
"Are you wearing cologne?" I ask as I break from his embrace.
"Yeah." he says sheepishly. "Why? Do you not like it?". He raises an eyebrow as he awaits my answer.
Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I quickly manage "I like it! Smells kind of forest like. I just didn't expect it, that's all.".
He smiles, looking visibly relieved, "That's good. Good.".
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Jaehee POV, Hours later...
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After many hours of wandering around aimlessly, I've finally exhausted myself and gotten home.
As I walk up the stairs, I hesitate on the last step at the sound of a familiar laugh. Sure enough, I arrive to see Zen and MC putting up leftovers as they joke.
"Hey, Jaehee..." MC says, her expression seeming nervous or worried.
"Hello!" Zen says with a wave before taking off the lid to one of the food containers. He holds it out to me and asks, "Want some? Or should I put it up?".
"We were going to wait for you, but the food was getting cold," MC says.
I stand at the top of the stairs, unsure of what to do, "Um, sure I'll eat some later. And thats quite alright, sorry if I held you guys up...". I slowly inch my way over to the table before I ask, "How long have you been here, Zen?".
"Oh just a few hours," he says. "I wanted to ask MC something, but she wanted to eat first.".
"Oh yeah!" she recalls, "What was it that you wanted to ask?".
"Could we- I don't know, can we talk downstairs? In private?" he asks.
Oh no, its happening.
"Yeah, is that okay Jaehee? I want to talk to you afterwards though, I haven't really seen you most all day!".
I want to tell her no, that I don't want her to go, but who am I to say?
"Yeah. Do what you want," I say, a little annoyance seeping into my tone.
I mentally smack myself as they head downstairs. And, despite knowing its a bad idea, once I'm sure they're out of the stairwell I go and creep down myself. I hide behind the wall, and listen to their conversation. Almost desperate to know whats going on.
"MC, I think its fair to say that we're good friends," I hear Zen say, his voice muffled through the door, "But I want to know if we could be more than that.".
"What do you mean?" I hear MC ask, obviously thrown off by the sudden confession.
"Well...", he pauses a brief moment. "I wanted to know if, maybe I could take you out sometime? Like, on a date?".
I knew he was going to ask, but my breath still hitches in my throat. I want to burst out the door and tell MC how I feel, but that wouldn't be fair.
'She'll say no though, right?' I reason with myself. Surely it would all work out.
I'm not even the one that confessed, but even I feel like I'm being crushed in anticipation by her answer. She'll say no, then with Zen out of the way, I can tell her what I feel. Besides, after all this, I know for certain I have feelings for her. If I didn't, I wouldn't care so much.
It only takes her ten seconds to reply, but my thoughts have already run around my head a million times. 'Please say no, please say no. Surely you dont like Zen.'
"Yes. I think that sounds fun.".
And just like that, my heart shatters. I almost wish I had never heard anything at all, and now theres a dull empty feeling in my once fluttering chest.
They keep talking, but It becomes nothing but blurred lines.
I trudge up the stairs and lock myself in my room, ignoring MC when she knocks on my door saying she wants to tell me something. I'll deal with that tomorrow, I cant stand to have her tell me what I already know, not right now anyways.
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Chapter 12. End.
*I do not speak for the Catholic church, do not scream at me in the DM's. this was just to add in the fact Jaehee is Catholic, (a little fact no other fics nod at), as well as show how sometimes having a religion can cause conflicting thoughts.
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The spaceship's sensors have caught the RFA members meaningless thoughts...
Zen: "Oh my gosh she said yes, now what do I do?"
Seven: "Why do romance stories always have to be so dramatic?"
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Thank you for reading this chapter of Mystic Radio! If you liked it, make sure to leave a like and subscribe so you know when the next update is! Now, go enjoy some Honey Buddha chips, and I'll see you next chapter! ~Des
