A/N: Sooo cloooose. 😭 I am going to miss Sunshine so hard. One more chapter to go. BAS 25 is on the move as well. Hopefully there will be something before Christmas. Except that I have done zero Christmas things yet and am dreadfully behind in real life goings-on. Whoops.

Speaking of Christmas, if you're looking for something festive to read, I'll Be Dead For Christmas and What To Get The Vampire Who Has Everything exist. 😬😬😬

Chapter 42

He didn't show up the next night or the night after that. The following day, Sookie rose at quarter past three. She took a shower and dressed in long sleeves and jeans and put on her sunglasses before heading out into the rest of the beach house.

It was quiet. Nobody else was inside. She walked out onto the balcony and saw Alcide and Jake jogging three or four hundred yards up the beach. Their bare chests were tanned bronze and covered in a sheen of sweat that she would have enjoyed licking off under different circumstances. Maria-Star and Tray were making out on a blanket below her. It was two days before the full moon; the wolves would start their three night run the following evening. They were expecting Eric to come then, and none of them were happy about it. They wanted to be around to supervise.

Sookie kind of didn't want her guys there, whole macho bit would do nothing except make more conflict than there already was. And, no matter how much they puffed out their chests and glared and threatened him, it wasn't like they would have a hope in hell of hurting him, anyway. Sookie was the one with that power. From what Tray had shown her a few nights before, she'd already hurt him plenty. But he'd hurt her first.

She hadn't seen him since the night she'd made her wish. She hadn't even spoken his name. The closest she'd come was when she'd written him a check for twenty-five thousand dollars and sent it off to Bossier City to pay him back for the two months she'd lived with him. He hadn't cashed it.

Seeing him in Tray's fresh memory had really messed her up, but it had grounded her a little, too. She had been all over the place since Pam had come, which had completely sent her into a tailspin. But for the past few days, since Tray had come back from Shreveport, she had been calm and introspective. All of them had been, really. The house had been very quiet. And when they had all made love the night before, it had felt like an ending. Regardless of what happened next, she supposed that it would be. The post-Eric era was coming to a close. Whether or not he would be included in the next one remained to be seen.

Jake looked up and saw her and his big sweet smile made her chest tighten.

"Good morning, Sunshine!"

The other three wolves looked up at her and she almost managed to smile at them. She made her way down to the beach and sat on the blanket with Tray and Maria-Star. Jake and Alcide jogged up and then joined them, sitting on either side of her. She leaned against Jake and he kissed her temple. She wrinkled her nose.

"You kind of stink."

Jake laughed. "If it bugs you so much, you just need to stop breathing."

Sookie turned her head and kissed his shoulder. He tasted like salt. "I don't mind."

It was an overcast day but Tray still set up Sookie's umbrella. The Wolves talked about getting back into the recording studio in another month and a half and then about the business side of things. They were planning a tour for the following year. Sookie just listened, lying with her head in Alcide's lap while he ran his fingers through her hair.

They gathered up some driftwood for a bonfire and lit it at dusk. Maria-Star and Alcide brought their guitars down along with a few joints and a couple bottles of wine, which got passed around. Sookie kind of missed joining in; drowning her sorrows sounded like a pretty damn good idea.

Jake was sitting on the big hunk of wood that Alcide had found down the beach a few months before, worn smooth and silvery by the ocean. He tapped the rhythm between his legs. Alcide and Maria-Star played their guitars and Alcide's clear, beautiful voice singing American Pie carried across the sand and out to sea.

Sookie was leaning back against Tray, sitting between his legs, when she felt him again in her chest. Eric. It wasn't the bond — neither of them had it open — but she could feel his presence anyway. She turned her head and the breeze blew her hair across her face. When she smoothed it back behind her ear, she was looking right into his eyes. He was standing on a rocky outcrop above, his jaw set and his eyes impossible to read. His beauty made her ache. The wind was blowing in from the ocean and he was downwind; the wolves didn't know that he was there. After three long minutes of being unable to look away, she glamoured her wolves to not think about them. She knew how angry they were going to be when they found out, but she needed privacy. She needed to do this alone. Alcide segued into Hallelujah. She got up and swept the sand off of her jeans and walked to the water's edge.

She was almost numb, but with so many big emotions lurking just below the surface. When she reached the wet sand and a wave washed over her feet, she stopped and looked at him for a moment and then nodded once. She headed up the beach and, a few seconds later, he fell into step beside her.

"Hello, Eric."

His name felt strange in her mouth.

"Sookie…"

His voice was quiet. Hesitant and almost rough, as if it hadn't been used in a long time. She knew that he was looking at her and she let him but she didn't want to look at him. Not just yet. She swallowed and shook her head.

"No. My name is Sunshine."

He had never called her that before. His heart had been in his throat since he'd seen her, pressed up against his former day man. He was incredibly jealous of all of her wolves, and not just because she was having sex with them. He was jealous that they were in her life. He was jealous of the physical connection. He was jealous of their love. He wanted to take her hand but he didn't. He swallowed around the lump.

"Sunshine."

She turned to glance up at him. There was a ghost of a smile on her face.

"Thank you."

A minute or two later, he said, "I hope that I was right to come."

Sookie sighed and nodded. "Yes. I guess it was time. But thank you for staying away until now. I wasn't ready to see you."

He hesitated."I've missed you."

She glanced at him again and didn't reply. But, God, she'd missed him, too. It was strange not being the vulnerable one. To not be the one wearing her heart on her sleeve.

They walked in silence for a couple of minutes. He looked at her.

"Tell me about that night."

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything."

She shrugged. "I told you most of it. I knew that something wasn't right. I went to the ball, read Oklahoma's mind, and saw her memories. She wanted Louisiana. She wanted you, too. She was responsible for all of it. I got really angry and, when I lost control, something happened and I killed all of those people. My wolves took me back to your house and we stayed there for a few days. And then I made my wish."

"I am very thankful that you brought her back to me. I just don't understand why."

"I didn't just do it for you. The guilt… It's been very hard to live with. It was one thing that I was able to make right."

It took him a minute to get the words out. "I'm sorry. About everything."

She shrugged again. "I know. Oklahoma manipulated you. She used your desire for revenge and your worry for me against you. I hate that you fell for it and went behind my back and that you broke your word, but what's done is done."

He shook his head. "I do not like to make mistakes. Apologizing is not something I often do, but I have never been more sorry for something I've done. For the hurt that I caused."

He stopped and turned to her. A big wave crashed at their feet. He watched as it erased the two sets of footprints — small bare feet next to huge motorcycle boots — that had marked their progress. The wave retreated and pulled sand out from under their feet. It made him feel almost off balance. He could see the tiny spark of the bonfire in the distance.

"Can you forgive me?"

"I forgave you years ago, Eric. The question is, can I trust you?"

"You can."

She laughed and it sounded bitter and full of irony. He winced. She stepped around him and kept walking. He turned and walked with her. They were quiet for a long time.

"Who I don't forgive is me. Forgive or trust."

"You saved us."

She shook her head. "Maybe. But maybe I could have stopped her some other way, and those people wouldn't be dead."

"Could you have helped it?"

She thought for a few moments. "Yes. Up to a point, anyway. I could have stopped myself right up until the moment I lost control. When I saw her with you in her memories. Before that, I could have gotten out of her head. Could have maybe even stopped myself after if I'd known what was coming. Hell, Maria-Star thinks that I might be able to control the whole fucking thing. Even do it again on command." She shuddered.

"And you shifted?"

She nodded. "Yes. As far as we can tell. Whatever it was, it will never happen again. It can't. I do everything I can to make sure of it. I don't take any chances."

She glanced at him again. "I'm really sorry that you got hurt. It nearly killed me, seeing what I did to you. I'm glad that Pam's blood was able to make you better."

He looked down at her and his chest tightened. He hated that the joy and wonder were gone from her eyes. The wounds he'd inflicted on both of them hadn't healed nearly as well.

The evening was clearing. The waxing moon peeked out from behind a cloud and bathed her in moonlight. The invisible band around his chest got tighter.

"You're so beautiful."

She looked at him and then away. He stopped again and reached out for her hand. Their fingers touched and she stopped, too. She hadn't let him take it but she hadn't pulled it away, either.

"I love you, Soo… I love you, Sunshine."

She sighed and looked up at the sky and then turned and started to walk back towards the house. His shoulders fell. He walked beside her in silence for several minutes. The bonfire in the distance grew larger.

"I love you, too."

He almost didn't hear her over the crash of the surf. He stopped. She took a couple more steps and then turned to him.

"I've tried not to. I've berated myself a million times, but it's no use. I love you. I'm sure that I always will. But I am not leaving California, Eric. I'm not leaving my wolves again. I belong here, with them."

He ran his fingers through his hair. "You belong with me. You're mine."

He hadn't really meant to say it out loud, and he was afraid that it would make her angry and drive her away, but it didn't.

"And the wolves are mine."

He frowned and nodded and then looked away. "I understand."

They started to walk again. They were both quiet until they got back to her wolves. Alcide was singing Hotel California.

She turned to him. "It was… It was good to see you, Eric."

"Your wolves hunt tomorrow night. Can I see you again?"

Sookie thought about it for a couple of beats and then nodded. "I would like that." She seemed surprised by her answer.

"May I kiss you?" He knew that he was pressing his luck, but he hadn't been able to stop himself.

"No. But I guess I can give you a hug."

She wrapped her arms around his middle. He held her tight to him, burying his nose in her hair. He didn't want to let her go.