Chapter Nine

Her Inner Turmoil


They had passed a coffee shop while looking for a bench, and Videl suggested they get in instead to talk. Gohan's lips broke into a broad smile at the idea, obviously eager to order something to eat while they discussed her issues with her father. Since this was most likely going to take a while, Videl figured they might as well have a snack while they were at it. She hadn't eaten anything since lunch and the sun was already setting; after the various workout sessions she'd had over the course of the day, it wasn't surprising that her stomach was growling quietly. Thankfully, it wasn't quite bad enough yet for it to be embarrassingly loud.

They settled in a booth in a withdrawn corner, so as to have more privacy and be away from prying ears. A waiter came up to their table and handed them each a menu.

Gohan politely thanked the young man and Videl gave him a nod, keeping her head low and not making eye contact for fear of being recognized. The last thing she needed was to end up on the front page of some gossip magazine proclaiming that she was on a date or something.

Gohan had his menu raised, so Videl couldn't see his face as he said, "So, tell me. About your dad." He lowered the laminated cardboard just enough to uncover his eyes and gave her a piercing look. "Something happened, I assume?"

She nodded her head, her own menu flat against the table as she distractedly browsed through the choices.

"I'm buying," she said, giving Gohan a look.

"You don't have to," he protested, cracking a smile and scratching the back of his head.

"I do. You were on your way home and I'm holding you, it's the least I can do," she insisted. Her face darkened as she lowered her gaze to the menu once more, not really seeing the words and pictures. "Besides, all the money I have should have been yours."

She heard him gulp loudly. "Fair enough…"

And it was all the confirmation she needed. Gohan was indeed the boy from the Cell Games that the media had dubbed as the Delivery Boy. He was the one who had killed Cell. He had saved the world at the mere age of nine.

And her father took the credit for his accomplishment. She swallowed. She had never felt so ashamed to be that man's daughter.

"I can't believe you saved the world when you were just a kid…" she breathed out in a whisper, disbelief and admiration lacing her low voice.

"Honestly? I can't believe it either," Gohan said, letting out an awkward chuckle. "I was only ten, and yet somehow I'd managed to surpass even my father. I was so sure he was holding back, that he was the one who would be finishing off Cell. But he'd known all along that I became stronger than even him, and he gambled everything on me."

Videl raised her head to look at him, her interest piqued by his account. "Ten? But aren't you sixteen? Shouldn't you have been nine at the time?"

He cracked a smile. "Yeah, by my birth year, I was nine. But biologically, I was ten. So I'm actually seventeen."

Her eyebrows scrunched up. "How?"

"There's this room, it's in another dimension. When you get in and close the door, time goes slower inside than here on Earth. To put it simply, a year inside the room equates to only a day outside of it. Three hundred and sixty-five days for twenty-four hours. I spent nearly a year there with my dad to train for the Cell Games. Well, actually, that's not exactly right," he corrected himself, his head tilted to the side and his finger pressed on his chin, his eyes going sideways as he accessed his memory. "Cell announced his Games while we were in the room, but we were training because we knew we would have to face great enemies. That's when I unknowingly surpassed my dad."

His explanation was weird and confusing, but Videl thought she got the gist of it. The girl shook her head in disbelief. "I just can't wrap my head around it. How do you end up fighting to save the world at only ten years old? What kind of childhood did you have to find yourself there?"

He lowered his head and blushed. "It wasn't always easy, but I had a happy childhood nonetheless," he said, his voice hushed. "I did kinda get thrown into martial arts without having any say in it, and at first I was really scared." He swallowed. "I was only four, and then one day I wake up to my dad's enemy telling me I had to get strong if I wanted to have a future on this planet."

"What the… Four? You were four? Are you serious?" She couldn't believe her ears. So, while she was just starting to learn how to read letters and count on her hands, Gohan was already training to save the world. What the hell…? Who in their right mind would force a toddler to fight for the planet?

"Yeah… But, um, anyway," Gohan said, clearing his throat in obvious discomfort. "You wanted to talk about your dad, didn't you? Since I'm the only one who knows the truth about him."

"Oh, right." She gave a sheepish smile. Gohan's life was just so fascinating, she couldn't help wanting to know more. Her curiosity was insatiable, and Gohan was such an incredible source. As close as it was to the matter at hand, his story had helped distract her mind from her lying father for a few minutes, and Videl was grateful for that.

"What happened?" he asked.

She scowled at the memory. She still couldn't believe that her father wouldn't admit to the truth even when she said point-blank to him that she knew he was lying. And yet he kept trying to save face. What did he think, that she would change her mind or something if he insisted hard enough that his lies were the truth?

"I tried confronting him earlier," she started, her head dipping lower between her shoulders, her arms crossed on the table.

At that moment, the waiter came back to take their order. Gohan asked for a slice of lemon pie and an iced tea, while Videl gritted her teeth at the interruption. Waiters always had the worst timing. They always seemed to appear at the least opportune moment.

She decided to take the same thing as Gohan, because she didn't want the waiter to come back later for her order, and she hadn't taken the time to look at the menu anyway. A slice of lemon pie and a glass of iced tea sounded pretty good anyway. Gohan had good taste.

"So, you were saying that you tried to confront your father earlier?" the boy said, getting the conversation back on track.

Videl nodded her head, her expression darkening. "But he kept denying it. I think he came to believe his own lies. Even when I said I knew the truth, he was still trying to tell me I was wrong."

"Ouch." Gohan grimaced.

Her eyes narrowed as she shot him an accusing glare. "This is your fault, you know. Why did you let him take your credit for saving the world? If you'd just come forth…"

Of course, she could easily guess the answer to that question, but she couldn't help blaming it on Gohan. If he had just announced himself as the world savior instead of letting her father proclaim it, she wouldn't have had to come to the realization that the man who raised her was a fraud.

The light in Gohan's eyes subdued. "I'm sorry. I didn't think of the consequences back then… I was just glad I didn't have to deal with the attention. My dad had just died and my mom found out that she was pregnant soon after. We didn't care about the credit. That's not why we fought Cell."

Well, now she felt like a bitch. Videl let out a deep sigh, her shoulders slumping.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Gohan," she said, looking him in the eyes. "It's not your fault my dad lied to the world. Nobody forced him to steal your credit ━ he could've just told the truth, that he had no idea what happened, and the world would've known that the amazing boy with golden blond hair had saved the world." She shook her head. "But he decided to lie and that's on him. Sure, you could've disproved him, but I get why you didn't, and it's more than understandable given the turn your life had taken."

He cracked a smile, leaning forward on his elbows on the table. "I guess you're right. I'm still sorry for not thinking about the consequences though. I mean, I had no idea Mr. Satan even had a daughter, but maybe if I'd looked into his life more instead of just feeling relieved I didn't have to deal with the media, if I cared a little more about what my decision to let him take the credit for killing Cell would mean for the people close to him, you wouldn't find yourself in this delicate situation right now."

She chuckled slightly. "I can't say I disagree."

"So, what are you going to do? Are you going to try confronting him again?" Gohan inquired, his face turning serious.

She lowered her gaze and swallowed thickly, the memory of her last attempt at talking with her father still fresh and painful. "I don't think I have a choice…"

"If it helps, keep in mind that your dad isn't a bad man," Gohan said, his voice soft and gentle. "He only did good deeds with his fame and wealth. That's one of the reasons I figured letting him take the credit wasn't a bad thing. The world needs a hero to look up to, and he's kinda perfect for that role."

"Doesn't make what he did right," Videl muttered bitterly. Just the thought of what her father had done was filling her with shame and indignation.

"Of course not. But, you know, if you think about it, your dad is the only person on the whole planet who took up Cell's challenge, risking his life to try to save the world."

"He only did it for the glory," Videl said with a scoff, her tone harsh, condemning.

"Maybe, but that's not the only thing." Gohan paused, maybe to get her full attention, maybe for dramatic effect. Either way, Videl shifted her gaze on him once more, observing his handsome features with interest. "He's pretty much the reason I was able to let go and become strong enough to defeat Cell."

Videl's eyebrows scrunched up, her gaze sliding sideways as she tried to remember what Gohan meant.

"Cell had… birthed those unbelievably strong little creatures he called the Cell Juniors," the boy started explaining. "He made seven of them, one for each of my friends and my dad, who was worn out from his fight with Cell. The Juniors were slaying them, and Cell stopped me when I tried to go help them. He forced me to watch as he tortured the people I cared most about, because he wanted me to get angry."

His words made something tingle in her mind. Something she knew from her visions.

"Because your power comes from your anger," Videl remembered.

Gohan raised his eyebrows at her. Then he smiled. "Yes, exactly. But I was scared to let go, scared of that power within me. And then the head of Android 16 landed at my feet."

"Oh, wait, I remember now!" Videl suddenly perked up. "That huge red-haired man that Cell blew to bits… He asked my dad to throw his head near you so he could talk to you."

"Precisely. 16 may have been a synthesized being, and he was sort of created to kill my dad, but he was still kind-hearted and righteous. Dr. Gero, his creator, considered him a failure, probably because of his good nature." Gohan lowered his head, his smile turning melancholic and regretful. "He told me that it was okay to fight for justice. That sometimes there's just no other choice. He asked me to protect the animals and nature that he adored…" His breath hitched and he swallowed, evidently having a hard time telling her about the painful memory. "And then Cell stepped on his head and crushed him like he was some bug. And I… I lost it. That's when I surpassed Cell ━ when I surpassed all the living beings in the universe, I'm pretty sure."

Videl felt breathless as she watched the young world savior. Gohan was just so incredible. His life had been so hard, and yet he had managed to stay pure and untainted by the evil he had encountered through his young years. His kindness was so heartwarming; it made his very presence feel comforting to the people around him. As though there was a calming aura about him that somehow lessened any kind of weight you may have in your chest.

"So, you see, your dad did help. If not for him going through the crossfire of the battles going on, 16 wouldn't have been able to help me release my full power to surpass Cell," Gohan concluded, a half-smile tugging on the corner of his lips as he locked eyes with her once more.

"I guess…" Videl relented. "But he still… He lied to my face. I told him I knew the truth and he just kept lying. I'm his daughter. His flesh and blood. How could he lie to me for all these years?"

Gohan gave her a sympathetic look. "Yeah, I get it. It sucks, but nobody is perfect. I still think your dad is a good man despite his flaws. He just came to believe his own lies, like you said. I think he's gonna need some time to realize that all the things he's been feeding the world aren't real."

Her traits contorted in disgust. "I'm not so sure he's a good man, to be honest. To fool the world just so he could be worshipped like a god…" She swallowed, her gaze lowering. "Sometimes I just… I wish I had a normal dad. He wasn't always like this. He wasn't always such an attention whore. But now… It's like he barely cares about me anymore, even. He's always out on business trips and leaves me alone in that big mansion that I don't even like."

"I'm sure he cares, Videl. He's your dad and he loves you."

"Not enough to put me first. Not enough to tell me the truth."

"Was he supposed to tell his nine-year-old daughter that he'd just lied to the whole world and wasn't actually the savior he made them believe he was?"

"Maybe not then, okay, but I'm old enough now. And he still lied to my face, giving me that annoying fake laugh of his. I hate it so much, that laugh of his."

"Videl…" Gohan started, but he trailed off, apparently out of things to say.

"I just… I can't believe I'm his daughter. I wish I wasn't. I've never hated that I'm related to him more than I do now."

Gohan fell silent. Videl raised her gaze to look at him. He was watching her intently, a serious frown creasing his brow. His piercing, coal eyes made some heat rush to her face.

A lump rose in her throat. Damn it. She really liked him a lot. Why hadn't she been able to stop herself from developing feelings for Gohan? Why did fate seem to be against her, for that matter? To think she had come across Gohan not only once, but twice today, on a Saturday, and both times ended up with them having a serious discussion. What, was fate upset that she wasn't going along with its plan so it was messing with her on purpose? She had free will. She got to choose her own destiny, and she wasn't going to resign herself, not when she had foreseen what that damn fate had in store for her. If it didn't want her to change its design, then it shouldn't have planned to turn her into a doting housewife who lost herself in her marriage.

"Goten mentioned Trunks earlier today, do you remember? That's his best friend," Gohan said, finally breaking the tense silence.

Videl tilted her head, wondering where he was going with this. "Yes, I remember. I already knew he was Goten's best friend, for that matter."

Gohan cracked a mild, kind of ironic smile. "Well, Trunks' father is basically a genocidal murderer."

"Wh-What?" She stared at him with wide eyes, not quite sure she had understood him right. Surely she must have misheard him. Wasn't Trunks' mom Bulma? How would such a brilliant mind, such an influential and world-renowned businesswoman end up getting together with a… genocidal murderer? Who would in their right mind choose to live with that kind of monster?

"Well, I should've said was, actually. He doesn't kill anymore. And, well, it wasn't really his fault, either. See, he was the prince of the planet my dad came from. The people there were warriors, and they worked for a tyrant who would hire them to wipe out entire populations of planets that would be deemed worth selling. That's just what was seen as normal in his past life. He's changed now, and while I wouldn't go so far as to say that he's a good man, he's not so bad either. I think he was never that bad; being evil was just all he was ever taught."

Videl nodded dumbly, slowly digesting everything Gohan was saying. She still had trouble believing Bulma would procreate with a man who used to kill billions of people as a way to make a living. There had to be more to the story.

Her cursed curiosity was dying to know more about how Bulma ended up with Vegeta. She wondered if Gohan even knew their story. It was probably not even worth asking him. It wasn't really the subject here anyway. Why was Gohan talking about Vegeta, for that matter?

"My point is," he continued, "Trunks is a great kid. Sure, he's got a mischievous side to him and he loves to pull pranks on everyone, but that's just him being a carefree kid. I love him like family; he's really an awesome kid. It doesn't matter who his dad used to be and all the horrible things he had done in his life. Trunks is his own person." Gohan's gaze softened, causing her heart to clench. "And so are you, Videl. Even if your dad is a compulsive liar, even if he did a terrible thing, you're nothing like him. You're honest and righteous and you do your best to help people when they're in need." Gohan cracked a smile, and Videl felt herself flush at his words. His beautiful coal eyes weren't helping, either. "You're pretty amazing yourself, really. And I don't even know you all that much. But I'm sure if I did, you'd only prove to be even more amazing as a person."

The lump caught in her throat seemed to have made itself at home in there. Videl tried to swallow it but to no avail. Her face felt like she had forgotten her sunscreen on a hot summer day. Her heart was apparently running a marathon in her chest, and it didn't look like it was ready to let up the pace anytime soon. It was beating so hard, the deafening pulse hitting her eardrums so loudly that Videl was surprised Gohan couldn't pick up the ruckus it made.

The waiter came back with their orders at that moment, but Videl paid him no mind. She couldn't take her eyes off the boy sitting across from her.

She was detailing his every trait. Gohan was handsome, that much was obvious, but his beauty wasn't only outward. He was such an amazing person himself. He was beautiful inside and out. He had the purest of souls, the kindest of hearts, just like in the dreams she used to have about him ━ about them.

He happily started eating his slice of pie, seeming content with his speech. Videl swallowed once more. Was she doing the right thing by going against fate itself? Gohan was just so… perfect. She knew her feelings for him would only grow with time. Was she only delaying the inevitable? Was Gohan her endgame no matter how hard she tried to change her own destiny?

Why was she so attracted to him? Why couldn't she help wishing things were different, that there was a way for her to accept her fate and not end up like the woman in her visions?

Why couldn't she just be with him? Why did things have to turn out this way? It wasn't fair. It was sadistic, even. To give her a chance for the most incredible love story, but at the price of the very thing that made her who she was. Why would she be doomed to lose her identity if she ever married Gohan? He was such a great guy, and if he loved her, he wouldn't try to change her.

So, what was it? Why would she turn into that woman from her nightmares? Why couldn't she just be happy with the boy she liked?

"You're not eating?" Gohan inquired, a look of concern creasing his brow.

She blinked out of her thoughts. Videl lowered her gaze to her plate, and picked up her fork wordlessly.

"Are you okay?" Gohan asked her, notes of worry in his voice still. "Are you still thinking about your father?"

"No," she replied truthfully. "I'm thinking about…" She swallowed. "My visions. About you. About… us."

"Oh."

He fell silent for a while, and they both continued eating without saying a word. The pie was really good, at least. The iced tea was refreshing, too. She could've enjoyed it more if her stomach wasn't tied into tight knots, though.

"Could you tell me more about it?" Gohan finally broke the silence, and their gazes met when she looked up from her plate. His onyx eyes felt like they pierced through her once again, reaching into her very soul.

Videl swallowed thickly, but she couldn't look away. "I… No. I can't, Gohan. I'm sorry. You've been so honest with me and you even did your best to cheer me up… and yet I can't even answer your one question." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "You were wrong, Gohan. I'm not amazing." She opened them again, locking gazes with him. "I'm a selfish coward who decided to go against fate just because I didn't like what I saw."

"You didn't like what you saw…?" he repeated, tilting his head. "And it's… about us. Do I do something to you?" His eyebrows scrunched up, digging deeply into the bridge of his nose. "Do I hurt you?"

"No, of course not," she replied instantly before she could stop herself. Videl bit her lip, unsure of what she could or should tell him. Gohan deserved some kind of answer, even if telling him the whole truth was simply not an option.

"Then what is it? What happens that's so bad that you don't even want to be friends?"

"I… change," Videl finally said, forcing the words out. "Your influence in my life… it changes me, and I… I don't like what I become."

He watched her carefully. "Because of me?"

"Yes. Because of you, for some reason, I turn into someone… someone I don't want to become."

His gaze dropped to his empty plate, his brow still deeply creased. "I'm sorry. For whatever I did… or would have done to you to turn you into a person you don't like."

She cracked a smile. "You're apologizing for something you didn't even do yet?"

He raised his head and planted his eyes deeply into hers. "I'm sorry that because of what I would have done to you, we can't even be friends. Because I really do think you're amazing, Videl. You… fascinate me. I can't really explain it but I just… I don't know. I think I just like you a lot and I hate that we can't be friends."

Heat rushed to her face at his words. Of course, Gohan only meant it platonically, that he liked her as a friend. Still, hearing him say those things made her heart leap and dance in joy. I… fascinate him? she repeated after him in wonder. She couldn't help feeling absurdly pleased with his choice of phrasing. I fascinate him… she thought once more, her smile growing.

"I know how you feel," she admitted quietly. "And a part of me wishes I didn't know what I know, that I never had those visions. That way, I would've just let destiny live its course without having to worry about how it would affect me in the long run."

He pinched his lips together. "Is it really that bad? My influence on you."

"For me, it is." She shook her head. "I just can't risk it. I'm sorry, Gohan."

You have no idea how sorry I am…

"I guess… there's nothing we can do now." His shoulders slumped as a heavy sigh slipped through his lips. "I'm sorry too. For being the reason for the person you don't want to become."

How adorable.

Videl sighed in resignation. Why did she have to like him so much? Why did Gohan have to be so amazing?

"I forgive you," she replied, her tone playful. Gohan cracked a smile at her, and Videl let out a soft, dreamy sigh as she let herself get lost in his handsome eyes. They were like a black hole, attracting her irrevocably even if it meant her doom.

But she just couldn't let it happen. She would be risking too much. The price for being with Gohan was simply too high ━ a price she wasn't willing to pay, no matter how much she wished she could just let go and tell Gohan how she felt about him.

A lump rose in her throat once again, while Videl felt herself drown into the handsome young man's pitch-black eyes.

Damn it. Damn it all. Why couldn't she stop it? Videl could feel herself falling harder for him with every minute they spent together.

She swallowed, but the lump caught in her throat wouldn't go down. The girl stood then, and Gohan's enchanting eyes followed her movement. She could see the regret and longing in them, and Videl averted her gaze, unable to bear the sad, puppy look on his face.

She needed to go. To get as far away from Gohan as possible. They had just made everything so much worse. Videl realized the power of fate, and she could feel that it wasn't going to give up without a fight. And it turned out to be a formidable opponent for sure.

But Videl's willpower was stronger than her cursed fate; her resolve was absolute. No matter how her feelings for the boy grew deeper with every second in his company. Her crush didn't matter. Nothing mattered but her goal.

She was never becoming that woman. Period.

"You… You're leaving?" he asked, his tone dropping with disappointment.

"It's better that way, Gohan," she told him, indulging herself one last look at him as she said those words. "Spending time together like this… As much as I enjoy hanging out with you, it's just making things worse. For both of us. I don't want to lead you on or string you along, Gohan, because I'm not changing my mind… as much as I wish I could."

He pursed his lips, as though he was stopping himself from saying something. Maybe Gohan wanted to protest her decision but forced himself to respect it.

He was so sweet and considerate. Damn it, he was just making things harder for her.

"Well… I enjoyed hanging out with you too. And I'm sorry I'm the reason it can't happen again."

She sighed. "Yeah…"

Videl turned away, getting out of their booth. Her heart wept in misery as she walked away from the boy who would have become the love of her life if she had just let him.

But the price was just too high.

Her chest throbbing painfully, Videl allowed herself to look back at Gohan one last time ━ this time for real.

Did he have to be so handsome and cute and just so perfect all around? His puppy eyes were killing her.

"See you at school," he said with a sad, wistful smile.

Videl swallowed thickly ━ uselessly. That damn lump just wouldn't go down.

"Yeah…"


A look of disgust contorted her traits at the pitiful sight before her. Her father, in all of his glory, was sitting on the carpet with his head resting on the couch cushion, an almost empty bottle of vodka in his hand, his hold on it loose against the carpet.

"Ughh, I don't feel so good," he groaned.

How could he get so wasted when it was barely evening? A frown etched across her brow as a thought occurred to Videl. Could it be…? Did her father get so completely drunk because of their fight earlier? It made sense. He must be freaking out that she knew the truth. She wouldn't put it past him to try and forget about what happened by drowning himself in alcohol.

Sighing in resignation, and hoping he wasn't going to puke at any moment, the girl hoisted the burly man up and put his arm around her shoulder. The height difference didn't matter because Mr. Satan wasn't standing on his feet. Rather, she was dragging him, his legs sliding on the carpeted floor.

He was heavy, but nothing Videl couldn't handle. She may not look like much, but her strength was nothing to laugh at. As she carried the whimpering drunkard, Videl idly wondered if she had surpassed her father by now. She supposed there was only one way to find out. And while she wasn't that excited about the Tenkaichi Budokai, what with the strongest fighters on the planet not partaking in the competition, it would at least determine if she had indeed become stronger than the current world champion.

They should get an elevator, Videl told herself as she carried her father up the stairs. There was only one flight, thankfully, and the girl was starting to get winded by the task. She had been pretty active today, though, she reminded herself. Sparring with Sharpner, taking a long run, some more training to vent out her frustration at her father, and lastly, crime-fighting. She was just a little worn out. It was a good thing she'd had something to eat before getting home.

At last, they reached her father's bedroom, and she dropped him on his bed.

He groaned and mumbled something, but Videl didn't understand what he was trying to say. She sat on the edge of the bed and lowered her head to move her ear closer to his mouth, pushing her pigtail out of the way. Her nose wrinkled at the heavy smell of alcohol, and she used her spare hand to pinch it.

"I'm… a clown. Making a fool of myself for the people. A clown… He was just a kid, and I took… everything from him. I'm… the worst. The fame, the glory… I got lost in it. And now…" His voice was breaking. "My little Videl…" He sniffed. "My little Sweetpea… She's never gonna forgive me… She's everything to me. And now I'm gonna lose her."

Videl felt a lump rise in her throat, her eyes welling up at her father's drunken confession.

Straightening up, she wiped his tears from his face. "You're not going to lose me, Papa," she said in a soft voice.

But he'd already fallen asleep. Videl cracked a small smile. Her heart felt lighter. Her father wasn't a bad man. He was aware that what he did was wrong and he regretted what he had done, but things had gotten too far and it was too late to go back now.

He wasn't a bad man. Just someone who made a horrible mistake. He was only human.

He wasn't a bad man.