chapter e ig th ee n
Sakura didn't let go until he was gone. But the moment the heavy door shut behind him, she let out a shuddering breath. Her shoulders shook, her knees buckled, and her lips quivered, but no tears came, no matter how broken up she felt over all of it. It was worse than crying. It felt as though her own body was punishing her; her chest squeezed painfully and her throat constricted and she felt like she couldn't breathe.
"Did you love me at all?"
I did. I did, I did, I do. Wholeheartedly, I do. "Not in the way you wanted me to."
She was bracing herself against the fence when she heard the door open again, then footsteps. She half-wished and half-didn't that it was him, that he saw right through her bluff, and he'd forgiven her for it. But she immediately straightened up when she saw who it was. It all felt like the epitome of Murphy's Law, she couldn't help but think in dark humor; anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
"Kakashi-senpai!" her voice sounded rough when she spoke. Had he just passed Sasuke on his way out or had he overheard everything from the other side of the door?
He walked towards her, brows knitted and eyes pensive. He wore a mask so she couldn't read the rest of his expression but she could feel from the way he approached her that he knew. He didn't speak for a long time. She wanted to disappear.
He raked his fingers through his silver hair in frustration. "You've put me in quite a position," he started, voice hard and stern. She's never heard him speak in anything but his usual bored drawl, always cool and light. "You could lose your job over this–hell, you could lose your teaching license over this–fuck, actually, you should!"
Sakura didn't dare speak. There was nothing she could possibly say, if not deny it, but that was out of the question. So she just stood there, head bowed and looking at her shoes, as her superior raised his voice at her, rightfully so. "I know it's your first year teaching–you're not even a full-time employee, you're just a sub. I get that you're new and you're young, but… you really fucked up."
He squeezed his eyes shut and exhaled sharply through his nose. "Look at me," he said, and she raised her head to meet his eyes. "It's over? For real?"
"Yes," she answered with full certainty, a promise.
He sighed heavily, shaking his head slightly. She could feel his disappointment in her with every gesture, with every breath, with every word. "The only reason I'm keeping this to myself is because it's over," he said slowly. "And because I know that the two of you have history and it's gotta be complicated. I don't want to know the details, I don't want to know how long this has been going on. What's important is you ended it. You did the right thing."
He took a step closer and placed a firm hand on her shoulder. "I like you, Sakura, I really do," he said, before leaning in close and boring his eyes into hers. "But keep your hands off your fucking students."
**✿❀ ❀✿**
Sakura felt stupid for ever thinking it would work out. That they could keep sneaking around until March, that they'd be able to go undetected for months. Between the two of them, she should have known better. Everything always ended in a disaster with her, she should have known she would end up hurting him, no matter how desperately she didn't want to. Now, not only did she lose her boyfriend but she lost two of her closest friends, too. Her boys. Sasuke and Itachi were like family, before anything else. And they both hated her.
Worse, knowing Sasuke, he probably hated his brother, too.
Sakura was exhausted. She practically dragged herself out of her Jeep and up the steps to Kiba's apartment.
She didn't lie to Sasuke, she had been here last night, with Kiba. She said it because she knew how it would sound and she knew he would hate her for it, but she didn't say that nothing really happened between them. She'd told him before and it still held true; she and Kiba were just friends–in fact, he was her only friend in this city. And she was in desperate need of a friend.
She pounded on his door and she could hear a chorus of barks and yapping from inside before he even opened it. Then he was there, and he looked at her with pitying eyes, like he'd expected her to come. He opened the door wider and she took only a couple steps inside his home before she sank to her knees and laid on the floor. She closed her eyes and listened to the little taps skidding across the floor.
When she told Sasuke she'd been here last night, she didn't tell him that this was what she'd been here for: Akamaru's litter of newborn puppies. Kiba leaned against the wall and watched her with pitying eyes as she was swarmed by excitable balls of fluff, peppering her with kisses and drowning her in the pure unadulterated love that only dogs are capable of.
The circumstances of their friendship wasn't lost on either of them. She'd been crying over Itachi the night she met him and now she was running to him for comfort after a disastrous breakup with Sasuke. "I don't know what I would do without you," she said to him, staring up at him as she hugged a pup to her chest.
"How bad was it?"
"Really bad," she muttered, busying herself with scratching behind the puppy's ears. "I kind of insinuated that I spent last night with you, type of bad."
"But you did spend the night."
"Yeah, but with you…"
His mouth fell open and his brows shot up. "Oh, that's foul," he said, astounded. "You did him dirty!"
"I need him to hate me."
"Why?" he asked, like it was the dumbest thing he's ever heard. Maybe it was.
The puppy on her chest was getting restless and the ones surrounding her were getting distracted by other things, so she let her arms fall to her sides and let them scatter away. "So he wouldn't love me anymore," she said, voice growing faint as her throat tightened and tears threatened to fall once again. She raised her arm and rested it over her eyes.
"It doesn't work like that, Sakura."
She knew that. But she also knew Sasuke more than Kiba did. He'd been harboring these feelings for so long, he'd stood by and watched when she was pining after his brother all those years ago. And after all this time, she finally saw him, finally gave him a chance, gave them a shot. He wouldn't let this go without a fight.
She knew that he would turn his back on his brother, the only family he had left, for her. She would've ruined them.
"You can't be coming here every day after school to mope, alright," Kiba sighed, heavy with exasperation, pushing away from the wall. "I'm trying to get laid here, Sak."
"I'm surprised you haven't met anyone," she sniffled. "This many dogs I feel like you're destined for a meet-cute."
Even with her arm over her eyes, she could sense him roll his eyes, as heavy steps neared her. Then he was hooking his hands under her arms. "Come on," he said, dragging her body across the floor and further into his apartment. "Let's get some food in you then we'll drink some and we'll call Ino."
**✿❀ ❀✿**
The days following their breakup were the hardest.
Itachi was pretty pissed at his fiancé for keeping their secret, so they were "on a break," and this weighed heavily on Sakura's conscience.
Sasuke was pretty pissed at Itachi and wouldn't come home, crashing at Suigetsu's place instead.
He was also pretty pissed at Sakura. They saw each other every day and it was absolute torture. He didn't pay attention in her class, his friends would greet her in the hallways in passing and he would look straight ahead like she wasn't there at all, he'd even started entertaining his fangirls, finally flirting back with them like they'd always wanted him to. And it should make her happy, should bring her relief, because that's what she wanted. For him to move on, for him to be okay, even if it had to be with someone else.
So why did seeing him tuck another student's hair behind her ear make her so nauseous she had to go to the bathroom to vomit?
a/n: helloooo, it's been a while! little ramble bcs i have no other place to communicate with y'all (i don't talk about my writing on twitter and i don't really use my tumblr).
i was so ready to get hate for these recent chapters, esp bcs i've already gotten so much shit for the littlest things in this fic and i'm just glad that y'all understand why it had to take this turn and where ita is coming from as ssk's guardian. :)
anyway, it's been a p productive summer for me in terms of writing fics and i'm quite pleased with myself. it's been a great de-stresser after how busy i've been with uni. so glad to have been able to come back to work on this and re-write + finally update camp sawi after two years while also writing some for new interests (ao3)! but i am adulting and i've finally gotten a job, so it might be a while before i can get back to this–worst place to stop, i know, i'm sorry. this fic is literally a toddler at this point and has seen me earn my associate's degree from community college and now very close to seeing me graduate from uni altogether. i really hope i could finally finish this soon lol. 6 chapters to go, according to my outline!
