Chapter 2
We all deal with traumas differently. Some people bottle up their emotions, determined to deal with it all on their own. Some people get heavily dependent on others to pick them back up and put them together. Some people turn to alcohol, self-harming or drugs to numb the pain that they are feeling. We all do different things, and in Callie's case she had tried some of it. She had bottled up her emotions and her feelings, not wanting to let anyone in, and yet the blonde had walked right into her life, knocking down the walls around her and had made her open up. Sure, there had been some alcohol included to make her start speaking, but it was mainly the comfort of the other woman that had made her open up, and now? Now she was fearing she couldn't move on, without the help of the blonde.
Her head was pounding and her mouth felt dry as Callie slowly began to wake the next day. A groan escaped her as she tried to open up her eyes, but it all ended up making the pounding worse. "I'm never drinking again", she mumbled out, before blindly reaching for her phone to check the time, but before she could find it, she bumped into the water bottle instead. "Fuck!" she burst out, thinking it was an open bottle from yesterday, and she quickly jolted up to see if there were now water everywhere, only for the pounding to grow intense. She blinked a few times as she waited for the pounding to submerge before she looked down and saw the cap was still on as well as pills and a note on her nightstand.
'Could it be?', she thought to herself, before fetching the note and read the scribbled words that Arizona had put there the day before. 'You just couldn't keep your mouth shut, could you?' she scolded herself before dropping the note and laying back down. After staring at the ceiling for a few seconds she grabbed the note again and read it a few times.
A small smile graced her lips as she realized the woman might not have said what she did out of pity, but instead because she herself had been good company. She quickly rolled her eyes at her own naivety for thinking Arizona actually liked hanging out with her. She decided to leave the note be for now, and instead she reached for the water bottle and washed down the pills before staying in bed for a while longer, to give them time to work.
Really, she was surprised that the blonde was still open to talk to her after last night. She had felt like an embarrassment, still kind of did, but somehow Arizona just… Made it all go away. In a good way. She had this ability to make Callie feel good about herself, made her feel seen and make her feel… Shaking her head, not really daring to think more about exactly how Arizona made her feel, Callie began to get out of bed and into the kitchen, where she found her aunt Carolyn with the radio playing in the background.
"Good morning", Carolyn said as she noticed the young woman. "I didn't hear you go out last night, did you have a good time?" she asked as casually as she could.
"I uh… How did you know I was out?" Callie asked, as she sat down in one of the chairs across from Carolyn, once she had poured herself a nice cup of coffee. God, she really was never drinking again.
Her aunt simply shrugged "you look a little rough", she said and did her best to hide the laugh of Callie's facial expression as she had said those words. Truthfully, she had heard Callie come home early morning, and she had also peeked outside as the mystery person who so kindly helped Callie home, had left. But she wasn't about to say that, at least not yet.
Once her jaw was picked up from the floor, Callie shook her head, carefully though. "I do not!", she tried even though she knew it was impossible to hide. "I just… I didn't even know I was going out last night." The statement got a raised eyebrow from her aunt, so Callie continued. "I couldn't sleep so I went to see Aria, and uh… I kind of bumped into Arizona Robbins. Remember them? They used to be our neighbours' years and years ago?"
"I remember the Robbins, yes"
"Yeah, well.. She was there, and uh I wanted to walk away, but she saw me before I could, and so uh we kind of talked and she asked if I wanted a drink, and then.. One thing led to another and I found myself drunk and stupidly pouring out my heart to a stranger, but it just felt right, you know?" Callie questioned, but didn't give Carolyn time to answer before she continued her verbal diarrhea. "I mean, I know it was stupid, and dad will not be proud about it, but then again, when is he ever proud of something I do?" she took a deep breath as she picked up a pace "Never, that is when. And I haven't opened up to anyone, not besides you and it just felt good. It felt nice to finally get things off of my chest, and she just- she just- she- It was like she looked me in my eyes and truly saw me. Like someone was truly noticing that I was struggling and she reached out a hand. And and and she didn't judge me, not once. She was there, she listened and she held my hand when needed, and she followed me home. She even left a note with her number, in case I wanted to talk again. Like… How often do you meet people willing to do that for you?" She asked, as she ran out of breath, giving Carolyn a chance to finally answer the woman.
"Well…" Carolyn said, a little surprised with the outburst from Callie. She took a few seconds to come up with the right words. "I think, that sometimes life throws a person or a place into our direction when we need it the most. Whether it is a childhood friend or a complete stranger. Or in your case, both". She offered up.
Callie mulled over the words for a while, before she defeatedly asked "but what if it is just another person I am going to let down? She doesn't know me, Carolyn… And why would she want to get to know me?"
Carolyn shook her head at Callie's words, "Don't do that Callie".
"Do what?"
"Make the decision for Arizona if she wants to be your friend or not. That is not your decision to make" Carolyn said honestly. "I get why you are scared; I truly do. And in the end, you're the one who makes the decision if you want to try and rekindle the friendship with her, or not. But you do not get to make the decision for the both of you. She already gave you her decision, when she gave you her number. So, don't try to think about how she thinks and feels and if she got hidden motives. See how you feel about reaching out again. It never hurts to have a friend in your corner, Callie", Carolyn said and knew she should leave Callie to think about that for a while. So, she stood and kissed the younger woman's forehead before she began to make breakfast for her, humming softly to the tunes from the radio.
In another part of town, Arizona was out drinking coffee with her older brother, Nick. "I am telling you Nick, she is just as beautiful as I imagined" she said with a sigh "Not that I would make a move on her, I am just saying… She is gorgeous".
Nick chuckled as he heard her words "So I have heard, like… five times in the last 10 minutes" he teasingly said, before taking another sip at his coffee. "Not that I mind being here with you, but what was so important that you couldn't tell me over the phone?"
Arizona bit down on her bottom lip as and looked down into her own mug "I just… She is broken, Nick. Remember when we were kids and how Aria and Andrew would never let her join us in our games? And how Mr. Torres was a little harsher towards Callie than the two others?" she questioned her older brother, who in return nodded "well, I just think… 'Cause she told me stuff, like how she would've taken Arias place if she could and how her family doesn't care as much about Callie as they do for the rest of them, you know? And I just…" Arizona rambled on before taking a deep breath and trying to collect her thoughts, so she could put them into words that would make more sense. "I don't think she has anyone in her corner fighting for her, and I feel like she opened up to me last night because she could not handle being alone anymore… And so… Do you think I would be able to help her in any way?"
Nick pondered over the question for a while before answering "are you asking me, because I am a psychologist and you need my insight in it all, or are you asking me in hopes that I can somehow tell you what you want to hear?"
"Nick…"
"Listen…", He said, offering Arizona a gentle smile, "it takes a lot of a person to become another person's entire support system, and I know you. You will give Callie your everything, because that is who you are. Someone who cares deeply and who wants the best for everyone" Nick said as he reached over to gently squeeze Arizona's hand, when he noticed the off look that had appeared on her face "I am not saying you cannot help her. You're a grown woman, it is your choice, and I know you will end up being there for her every step of the way, if she reaches out, because… As I said, it is who you are. And you will most likely seek her out, even if she doesn't reach out within a week", he said, causing a small blush to appear on his younger sister's cheeks "What is going on in that head of yours?"
Arizona gave a small shrug as she looked up on Nick "she is so different from Aria and Andrew, and it's… I want to be the one to help her, if she chooses to let me in" Arizona said, and just as she had finished the sentence, her phone alerted her of an incoming message. Checking the screen, she noticed it wasn't a number she had in her phone. She quickly unlocked it and began to read the message,
Hey so Callie here. I got your message. My head is doing okay, actually, nothing like painkillers and coffee. Thank you for getting me home last night and for listening. It means a lot to me.
Arizona read the message over a few times, and couldn't help but feeling slightly defeated as she noticed Callie hadn't mentioned meeting again. Nick picked up on it and nudged her leg with his shoe underneath the table "Her, yeah?"
"It is, yeah. Just thanking me for listening and for getting her home safely", Arizona answered as she bit down on her bottom lip "I- Should I ask her over for dinner?" her eyes quickly widened as she noticed the shit eating grin on Nick his face, but before she could tell him to not twist her words, it was too late.
"I see… So, you think she is hot and wants to have dinner with her, maybe followed by dessert in your bedro- Auch! Did you seriously just kick me? How old are you?"
"Stop. Talking. Jerk" Arizona said with narrowed eyes, "You deserved that kick, just so you know it. And no. I am not going to ask her over for dinner to take her to the bedroom. I don't think about her like that. It was to be more private and maybe she would open up a little more".
"Uh huh… How open do you want her?" He asked with a raised eyebrow and a smirk still in place.
"I am not even gonna comment on that", Arizona huffed out as she turned her attention back on her phone, and the reply she was about to type out "you're clearly no help at all".
"Okay, auch. First of all… Dinner is a 50/50. Maybe she will find it too intimate and it will spook her off, which, from what you've told me would most likely be the case. But if you want to try it out, you should. After all, you're the one who knows her" Nick said, deciding to drop the teasing and actually help Arizona out "Second of all, if she does say yes, let her set the speed of the conversation. If you want her to warm up and feel welcome, you let her set the pace and choose the topics. But why am I telling you these things? You know them already".
"Because, Nick! What if I am the only one, she even tried to let in and it blows up? I will be the reason she will never open up to anyone again".
"I highly doubt that it will happen like that, Phoenix", he said as he offered one of his smiles that showed off his dimples. "Be you. Everyone loves you, and she will be lucky to have you in her corner".
Arizona rubbed her temple as she took in Nick his words, "You're right. Of course, you are right". She bit down on her bottom lip before typing out a reply for the woman,
Hi you, I am glad to hear that it isn't all that bad. I was actually thinking… You should come over for dinner? We could catch up some more? But maybe minus the alcohol this time, so you don't accuse me of robbing you once more? (;
Let me know.
Arizona
Before she could get cold feet and start doubting her decisions, she sent the message. "Okay, okay yeah… Just gotta wait for a response now", she said, more to herself than Nick.
"It'll be fine, I promise".
Arizona nodded and tried her best to have a conversation with Nick, until the next message popped up, a little while later,
Dinner sounds good, yeah. Just let me know where and when.
Oh, and please don't remind me how embarrassing I was last night… I'll have nightmares about it for the next while.
Callie
"I uh… Nick we gotta cut this short. I have to go clean my house and buy groceries for dinner", Arizona said as she quickly drank the last of her coffee. "You're going to dinner at moms and dads on Sunday, right? I think Timothy was going to call as well.".
Nick nodded as he mirrored Arizona and got ready to leave. "I am, mom wouldn't forgive us if we didn't show for the dinner", he said with a chuckle "but I thought you were on call?"
Arizona began to pull on her jacket as she sighed "I am, which I am sad about, but I think Karev should be able to cover most of it. I've trained him well you know?"
Familiar with Alex and how he had grown under Arizona's teaching he nodded again, "I am sure he can hold down peds for the night", he offered a smile as he found his wallet and began to pay for their coffee. "Now, go on, you have a date to prepare for", he smirked.
"It is dinner, Nick.".
He just smirked bigger and nodded, "of course, my bad. Go get ready for your dinner" he said and pulled her in for a hug "See you Sunday phoenix." He said, before kissing her forehead.
"See you Sunday", she whispered back and stood in the embrace for a few seconds before pulling back and offering a smile. They parted ways, Arizona off to prepare for the dinner and Nick to go back to work.
Between her coffee with Nick and the dinner, Arizona had been very busy. She had been going back and forth between what to cook for the woman, if it had been too much and if Callie was afraid, she saw it as a date too. But why would she? 'No, stop it', she thought and shook her head just as the doorbell rang. 'No time to overthink anymore, anyway' she told herself before she wiped her hands on her pants and moved over to open the door.
Callie stood nervously on the other side, and offered a sheepish smile as it opened. "Hi, so I know you said no more alcohol, but I thought a bottle of wine could be excepted?". She handed the bottle of white wine to the woman in the door "I just, assumed it should be white, 'cause you had that last night. I mean- Not that I- it is just, I mean- I-"
"I do prefer white wine, yes, thank you Callie", she said with a dimpled smile, hoping it could calm the nervous woman. She opened the door wider and nodded backwards "come on in, dinner is almost ready", she offered up to make conversation while Callie came in "feel free to look around, I will just go check on the food".
Callie nodded and hung up her coat before she began to look around in the woman's apartment. It was different than Callie had imagined. Sure, there were colours on the walls and if she was being honest, it reminded her a bit of an easter basket, but it didn't have the homey feeling she had expected. It was like it lacked the blondes touch and personality, even though colours were all over the place. Callie didn't have more time to think of it, as Arizona came back into the living room with two glasses of wine.
"Here you go", she said as she handed her one of the glasses.
Callie took the offered glass "Thank you. Its uh, it is a lovely place you got", she said as she looked around some more "I like it".
Arizona could see how much the woman was trying to be comfortable and remembered Nick his words about not pushing the woman into talking about things she didn't want to. "Thank you", she offered before nodding her head towards the kitchen "food is ready, so why don't we go eat?"
Callie nodded and followed along. "It smells nice out here", she said as she took a seat. Arizona thanked her and sat down as well. They had small talk about the weather, work and yesterday before Callie groaned out "I- This is awkward, isn't it?"
Arizona chuckled and took a sip of her wine, "maybe a little" she agreed while sitting down her glass. "But it doesn't have to be, you know?"
"What do you mean?"
Arizona shrugged casually, "well, I think if we both just relaxed it would go better". She saw Callie squirm a little uncomfortably in her chair at the words, "I didn't mean it like that Callie. Listen… I invited you over, because I hope we can… Get to know each other better again, and hopefully it will lead to a beautiful friendship. But I am not going to push you". She leaned down her head a little to catch Callie's eyes "how about this… We take the evening as it comes, and if it turns out okay, then great. If not, then that is okay too, yeah? Let's just see how the dinner turns out?"
Callie thought it over for a few seconds before nodding, "okay yeah, taking it as it comes", she said, "let's see how it goes".
Turned out, that after the agreement were made, Callie seemed to be able to genuinely relax more in the blonde her company. They talked a bit more about how they had been when they were kids, some of the crazy adventures that the Robbins trio had been on, places and countries both of them wanted to see, about Arizona's Carter Maddison grant win and her two years in Africa and more.
"Wait…" Arizona laughed out, at what Callie had just told her. "So, you're telling me… That your aunt forgot you were home and brought back a fling and they made out all the way to her bedroom?"
Callie shook her head but couldn't hide her own laugh "I swear to god, I am traumatised. Here I am, enjoying my TV show and they just burst in and throw clothes everywhere" she said as she smiled a little bigger as Arizona's laugh once again sounded.
"What did you do then?"
"I uh…" Callie said, as her smile faltered a little bit "I actually went to visit Aria. She was…" Callie whispered the last part out as she looked at her wine glass in her hand "she was the one I was the closest with", she ended the sentence and reached up to wipe away the single tear that slipped from her eye. "I'm sorry, I-"
"Hey no, don't apologise", Arizona quickly cut her off. "You've been going all evening without apologising, I like it," she said. She stood from her spot and began to carry the dirty dishes over to her dishwasher, as she sensed Callie might need a moment to herself "Do you want to go home, or do you have room for dessert in a little while?". She didn't want Callie to feel forced about staying at her place.
Callie bit down her bottom lip as she thought about the blondes' proposal. She didn't want to overstay her welcome, but she had liked the company so far. And Arizona had invited her to stay longer, she wouldn't have done that, if she didn't want her to stay for a while longer, right? "I could stay for dessert", she accepted, before she let her doubts and fears get the better of her.
"Yeah, great! Just go take a seat on the couch and I will be right there, once it is all cleaned up out here".
Callie shook her head and stood from her spot, "I'll help you with that".
"Callie, you're my guest, you shoul-"
"Just let me help" Callie interrupted Arizona and smiled softly at her. Arizona just nodded and soon enough the kitchen was cleaned up, and the two were sitting on each end of the couch with the tv on.
"You don't mind watching the Great British bake off, right?" Arizona questioned, "It is just, I am way too invested in these kind of programs" she admitted.
Callie couldn't help the grin that formed on her lips, as she heard the words, "you know… I am not even surprised that you like cooking shows, especially baking shows".
Arizona raised an eyebrow towards the woman "and what is that supposed to mean?" she asked, as she did her best to keep her smirk away, once Callie started rambling to save herself.
"Nothing! I just… You're perky and you work with kids and from what you've told me you got a sweet tooth, and I mean there is nothing wrong with that!" Callie said with widened eyes "Those things just kinda match? I mean- Not that you can't be badass being in peds, but I- It is- I mean-" Callie was talking with a fast pace now, hoping she somehow could make up for this "I think they are great too, and and and you are badass and I am really sorry for saying all of this, it wasn't coming out right, I just meant that it doesn't come as a surprise" she paused herself to catch her breath, and Arizona decided to end the woman's misery.
"Callie it is all good", she laughed out and reached over to put her hand on Callie's. "I am just messing with you, it is all good, really, it is".
"You sure?" she asked nervously and received a dimpled smile and a nod in return, "okay, good. Cause I would be sad to go home before the end of the episode, I need to know who leaves".
After that they settled into a light conversation that was mainly comments about the tv show. In one of the commercial breaks Arizona noticed that Callie seemed a little off again, "hey… what's going on in that pretty head of yours?".
Callie shook her head, originally not wanting to ask the question that had been bothering her for a long while now, but decided that Arizona had proven that she could ask about things without being judged. "You know… I- When we moved after Daniel and my dad had their fallout, I was never told what happened. I was told I was too little and that there was nothing to ever know, but…" Callie said as she bit down her bottom lip and leaned back into the couch, "do you know what happened? Because it has always been nagging me. They were so close, and suddenly… Not. And I just… I have always been wondering".
Arizona's eyebrows rose slightly, having not expected that question to ever cross their conversations. She scratched her neck and looked away for a few seconds as she was trying to find the best way to break the news to Callie. "I- Well… It was because of me".
Callie nodded and expected for Arizona to say more, but when that didn't happen, she pushed the subject a little more "Okay, but… What could you have done to make them disagree like that?" she asked confused.
"Well…" Arizona said before taking a big sip of her wine. 'Like ripping off a band aid', she thought to herself before blurting out "I am a lesbian, and your dad found out when he saw me make out with Joanne".
"I uh…"
"I don't know your view on it", Arizona said, quickly interrupting the woman "but I hope that you are as okay with it, because I am not going to hide who I am and I'm not gonna pretend I'm something that I am not." Arizona said, when she wasn't sure what kind of reaction she would get out of the younger woman, but really hoping she did not share the same views on sexualities as Carlos Torres did. "What I am trying to say is… they got into a fight about me and my sexuality, your dad couldn't accept it and couldn't accept my dad his views and believes, and my dad didn't understand Carlos his views, so… You guys moved shortly after", Arizona finished off.
Callie nodded, her thoughts going around at the revelations that Arizona had come with. She didn't mind anyone being homosexual, bisexual or any other part of the LGBT+ community, but she had just never expected the perky doctor to be gay, and yet… it did sort of make sense. So that is exactly what she told her, "I get it" Callie said with a nod and a small shrug and secretly loved the facial expression of confusion on the blonde "I mean…" she said and decided to be open and vulnerable towards the blonde too "Who doesn't find women interesting?"
"Wait… are you saying what I think you're saying?"
"Oh no, you have to finish telling your story about our dads first, and then I will answer that question" Callie bargained with the woman "deal?".
Arizona bit down on her bottom lip before nodding, "alright, fine", Arizona leaned back into the couch with her glass of wine in her hands "I had just gotten my first real girlfriend, Joanne, and I was out to my family, they were all very supporting, and me and Joanne were home alone" Arizona began, her eyes focusing on nothing special as she began to recall her first homophobic encounter. "We were outside, laughing and goofing around. Things got a little… interesting, as she began to kiss me. Of course, I kissed her back, and then uh you know… We got busted by your dad", Arizona said as she bit down on the inside of her cheek, contemplating if she should tell her what Carlos had said or not, but deciding against it, as she didn't see the purpose of it. "So… Long story short, we got busted, your dad yelled at us, when my dad got home Carlos came over, they spoke in my dad his office, or well argued I guess, and then… You moved shortly after", Arizona finished, wanting to end the story and move on from it, "so, anyway, spill. What did you mean about what you said before?".
Callie sat for a while, taking in all Arizona had said. She could see from the pleading look on Arizona's face that she wanted the topic to be done, so Callie accepted that. For now, at least. Suddenly getting a little nervous, Callie began to play with the ring on her finger. "I uh, I don't… I am not really sure what it was, I mean I am not gay, and no one knows about this, so please don't tell anyone?"
"I would never tell anyone your secrets Callie".
"I know, but just… I am not gay" she repeated before she got to the point "…But there was this one time in med school, where I was with a girl, Erica, and uh… We sorta dated for a bit, I guess? But I don't know what exactly it was, she couldn't accept that I had been with men and still found men attractive, like… Wait okay, I will continue, but first I must ask you something".
Arizona's eyebrows rose slightly as she nodded "sure, what is it?".
"Have you ever had an encounter with a man, who was so convinced that if you slept with him, you would turn straight?"
Arizona rolled her eyes in annoyance, before nodding again, "oh yeah… I have.".
"Okay, so… You know those types, good. Or well, not good, but it will make my whole point a lot easier to explain", she said with a nervous chuckle, "Erica believed that she was so amazing that she could turn me gay, but as I still found men attractive, she got upset. Said she couldn't be with someone who was bisexual, because you couldn't trust them not to cheat, there were double the amount of people to fight off and all that, so uh… Yeah. That ended our… Thing?" Callie said with a small frown, not even knowing how to explain what it had been. " And I didn't see much to her after that, she was also older than me, years ahead in med school, so there were no awkward situations" Callie finished telling, none of them paying attention to the tv anymore.
"I am really sorry, that that happened to you" Arizona said softly as she put down her glass on the table before moving a bit closer towards Callie "that is not a way to experiment with your sexuality", Arizona said softly, not knowing how much to push the topic. "What happened after?"
"Well, I went back to dating men and honestly? I have been trying my best to not think about it since, because…" Callie said, stopping herself, as she needed a second to gather her emotions before she revealed the last part "because I am not sure what it all means, and I am afraid of exploring what it could be".
"Have you… Do you identify as bisexual? I mean, no label is also not a bad thing, and maybe you are straight, who knows? Only you" Arizona said with a soft smile "Just know, that you should never be fearing what will happen, if you discover something about yourself that the world doesn't deem as normal. It is better to always stay true to yourself, than to go around and pretend, because at the end of the day, you will feel peace inside, and you will have people who support you in your corner. Including me" she said with a dimpled smile.
Callie nodded, not really knowing what to think of it all. "How did you know?".
Scratching the back of her head, Arizona shrugged a little "I don't know. I just… Never found boys interesting as a kid. Don't get me wrong, I played with boys, but I never found them attractive" she said, before chuckling "…and the Cindy Crawford poster I had stolen from Timothy was also a big hint, 'cause I wasn't just looking at her beauty marks" she said with a small smirk "I just… it came easy to me, knowing that I was a lesbian. But Callie… For some people it takes time, and that is okay. It can take time to understand, time to adapt to the idea, time to accept. But in the end, it will be okay, it will be worth it. I promise"
Callie took in the woman's words and got a little emotional, thinking about everything. "I don't think I can do it alone, the whole… discovering thing".
"You won't be alone. I will be here every single step of the way", Arizona said, and it was true. Whatever Callie needed; Arizona would give her.
"Thank you.".
AN: Thank you so much for the support! I really do appreciate it, and I guarantee to see this story through all the way to the end (Scout honour), but I cannot promise frequent updates, like every week or so, however I will do my best to have one chapter out every month (From now on). I don't know how to feel about this chapter, so please let me know if it is disappointing. Thank you for your patience and love towards me and my story, it means the world to me x
Also, all mistakes are on me, I got no beta and all that! Aaaand I may have not read it through before posting, because I feel guilty for taking so long to update.
