Chapter Seven
Truth-telling to a Damsel in Distress
Disclaimer: I don't own CCS.
Exactly one week after her date with Li Syaoran, Satomi had enthusiastically informed Sakura that he had requested her company again. This time, they were to meet at an amusement park. When she arrived, he was already standing at the entrance, waiting for her, dressed pretty much the same as when they were at the mall, except today he wore a dark-green t-shirt. There was nothing flashy about him at all; nothing to suggest he was anything other than what he seemed - your average, incredibly hot guy next door.
He was on his cell phone typing a message. However, when she was about ten feet away from him, he looked up, almost like he had sensed her presence. Time slowed. Each fierce beat of her heart sent shock waves throughout her body, and it felt like forever had come and gone and she was still walking towards him.
Syaoran's gaze dropped back to his phone, breaking his hold over her. She drew in a deep breath and her depleted lungs thanked her by swelling wide. He pushed his phone deep into his jeans pocket and she ran a hand down the side of her peach silk-chiffon skirt, smoothing out the non-existent wrinkles. Again, she had bought something new to try and impress him and like before, she hoped he liked her presentation.
As soon as she settled herself in front of him, he spoke.
"You're six minutes late."
His snappish comment momentarily stunned her tongue.
"I- there was a little traffic."
"I don't like tardiness. But today, I don't have anything pressing. So, it's fine."
Sakura nodded and bowed her head, thinking to herself, if it was fine, why did he have to mention it? If they had met before she had worked as a courtesan, he would definitely be frustrated with her because she had always been chronically late. That happened when you liked to sleep a lot.
To her dismay, by the time she realised he was looking her over, he was already done and nothing about his expression suggested that she had wowed him. All the anticipation she had built up inside deflated and she followed him past the large iron gates, reprimanding herself for wasting time trying on that other shoe before she left her apartment.
"Did you have a good time in Hong Kong, Li-san?" she asked as they walked by a roller coaster. There was a chorus of excited and terrified screams, and he peered up at it.
"I got what I needed done, if that's what you mean."
It was not what she meant but she would accept that answer. She was probably lucky he had replied at all.
"Is Hong Kong where you're from?" she asked.
"Yes."
"But you work in Japan?"
"Every so often."
"It must be tough working far away from home."
"Not really."
"But you must miss your family. And they must miss you."
"There are a lot of women in my family," said Syaoran. "Getting away from them keeps me sane."
Sakura giggled. Stopped. Then giggled again, giving her head a disbelieving shake.
"What?" asked Syaoran.
"It's funny," said Sakura, face bright. "You're trying to get away from women but you're out with me."
"This is different," he told her.
"How?"
"I choose to be around you. I select the exact place and time. After a few hours I get to say goodbye forever, unless I want to see you again. You could say, I take you in very small doses."
"Oh."
From what Satomi had once said to her, men liked to lose themselves in the fantasy of going out with good-looking and intelligent women who were there to live for them for whatever length of time they bought. But Li Syaoran was not like that. He remained very conscious that she was a courtesan and that he was paying her to be out with him. Why was it hard for him to relax and enjoy their time together? Did a courtesan hurt him in the past? Looking at him, she could not believe that there was a person alive capable of doing such a thing. He might very well be made of steel.
Then something occurred to her.
"I thought you said that you wouldn't send for me again?" she asked him. "That our last date was a one-time thing?"
"The last time I had to leave early," he stated. "Technically, this is the continuation of that meeting."
Sakura did not feel that way. She felt it was a new date with a fresh set of three hours, but she did not say so. Nor did she tell him that a true continuation of their date would be only thirty minutes long. She had to suspect that he had truly wanted to come out with her again. That must mean she was winning him over in some way, right? Maybe he was realizing that courtesans were not as bad as he believed?
This must be true because he was more pleasant to her that day than he had ever been despite his rude greeting. He offered to buy her cotton candy and did so when she accepted; he walked in front of her in crowded areas; paid for her to play several games; and even won a shooting game himself, winning her a teddy bear.
"Arigatou gozaimasu," she said, hugging the brown medium-sized bear to her. "I love teddies. And any kind of stuffed animal toys. Oh, and you're a really good shot, Li-san. I rarely win anything from that kind of game. How did you do it?"
Syaoran stood, hands in his pockets, and peered down at her for a moment, probably trying to detect if she really meant what she had told him. Plastering a wide, radiant smile on her face she waited for him to speak.
"Like a real gun," he explained. "It's all about grip, breath control, stance."
"You've shot real guns before?" she asked in awe.
"Yes. I learned at the gun range when I was young."
"And you did this... for fun?"
"Yes."
"So, you own a gun?"
"No."
Sakura breathed out a sigh of relief.
"Good. Because real guns are dangerous, you know."
There was a flash of amusement in his eyes.
"Yes. Real guns are dangerous."
He ruffled the hair at the back of his head as he surveyed the other booths and stalls, teeming with patrons. Sakura's eyes grew round. A clown ahead of them was juggling several bowling balls while standing on one leg. It was amazing, the skills people possessed. It was nice that there was always someplace to put those skills to use. Yet she was still trying to figure out what her talents were.
"Do you want to go on a ride now?" Syaoran asked her, yanking her out of her musings.
She looked around. Hordes of people were queued in front of various rides. By the time they got on one ride, their date would be over. She ran a finger across her lips as she thought.
"The lines are very long."
"It doesn't matter," said Syaoran. "Pick one."
"The Ferris wheel is my favourite," she told him.
She half-expected him to pull some rich person stunt and buy his way to the front of the line but Syaoran headed off to buy the tickets at the ticket booth. Then he patiently waited with her for - and she winced - twenty minutes until it was their turn. The conductor helped her into one of the cars. Syaoran climbed in after her and sat on the opposite seat.
Syaoran wasted no time in taking up his leisurely pursuit. His eyes were already caressing her with impunity. The self-assurance in his posture and the simmering heat in his eyes made the pores on her arms raise. He was thinking something and from the way his lips kept tugging at the sides, he was relishing it immensely. Her entire body flushed and as she glanced out their car, she ever so subtly rubbed her thighs together, an irrational bout of excitement rising in her.
"You know, Li-san," she said, playing with the teddy bear on her lap to purify her senses. "You surprise me with your choice of venue. You did last time as well. You don't seem like the type of person who enjoys malls or amusement parks."
"I'm not," said Syaoran, his concentrated stare following the movement of her ankles uncrossing and crossing each other. "However, if I took you to someplace I would normally take a date, I'll run into people I don't want to run into when I'm with you."
There was a sick feeling in Sakura's stomach. Was he ashamed to be seen with her? He may have read her mind because he leaned forward and said, "It's not because you're a courtesan. Didn't I tell you not to feel special?"
She fiddled with the teddy bear's round ears. She knew she was not the best-looking courtesan around, but she cleaned up well and she felt she looked cute in her skirt today. She was always on her best behaviour too.
"Then why don't you want to be seen with me?" she ventured to ask. "I assure you Li-san, I won't embarrass you in front of your colleagues or friends."
He leaned back in his seat.
"I don't like people knowing much about my private life. I prefer to keep our meetings to myself."
"Okay."
It was strange to hear him say she was a part of his private life, but it was flattering all the same.
"Meaning, Eriol and Takashi don't need to know about this," said Syaoran, his face solemn.
They fell into a semi-awkward silence. The Ferris wheel began its first rotation and Sakura rest her teddy bear down and walked over to one of the glass sides of the car. Every now and then the wheel would stop so that the passengers could enjoy the view. She got so caught up looking at the lush green mountaintops in the distance and the sense of nostalgia they brought, she almost forgot that Syaoran was there. That is, until he came to stand beside her, his ever-watchful eyes on her instead of the breath-taking panorama outside.
"Courtesan," he said, to get her attention.
Like he had to go through the trouble.
As soon as he moved from the car bench, he had her attention.
"You're not entertaining me."
Why did she have to flush every time his eyes bore into her own? Why did he always have to make her feel totally bare to him? Sakura was sure she could be wearing a dozen fur coats and she would still feel that way.
"I…" She took a deep breath. "I was just thinking."
"About what."
"I guess my life," she told him. "I remember in high school I would go out with my friends to the park sometimes. Ride on the Ferris wheel and look out at the world like I'm doing now. Back then, to me, everything seemed possible. The freedom I would get by becoming eighteen, the choices… they were all exciting then."
Syaoran leaned his back against the transparent side of the car and folded his arms, his gaze still fixed on her.
"And now?" he asked her, when she did not continue straightaway.
She absentmindedly drew hearts with her finger on the side of the car, right between her and Syaoran.
"Now I feel like I don't even know who I am. What I want. Not completely. The choices don't seem like so many anymore, and I can't even decide on one. This freedom I have feels like a burden. I hold and tell myself all the time that everything is going to be all right, but I think, what I really need sometimes is..."
She touched her forehead to the car, a heaviness in her heart and mind.
"I think what I need is for someone else to hold me. Tell me the same thing. Maybe then I'll really believe my words. 'The real world' as they always called it in school is a lot heavier than I imagined. But I think, that if I stay cheery and positive then good things will happen. Because we get from the world what we put in right?"
She looked up at Syaoran. There was the slightest frown between his brows, and she realised her mistake.
"I'm sorry Li-san. I know you don't want to hear these depressing things. They've just been floating around in my head and when you asked, I answered honestly."
He nodded.
"I suppose you have everything you could ever want," said Sakura. "I can tell that you're a very strong person. You're probably not afraid of anything."
They were at the top level of the Ferris wheel and he stared down at the ground.
"When I was ten, I feared heights."
She gasped.
"I'm sorry! If I had known, I wouldn't have chosen the Ferris wheel!"
"I said when I was ten," he repeated. "They don't bother me anymore."
Sakura clasped her hands behind her back.
"They say people who fear heights are really afraid of falling."
"This, I've heard."
Twisting her hips so she could feel the soft flow of chiffon around her legs, Sakura proclaimed, "Someday, I'll be fearless. And I'll be one of the happiest persons in the world."
"How are you going to achieve that?" asked Syaoran.
"You really want to know?"
"Yes."
"Well," said Sakura, almost like she and Syaoran were conspiring. "I'm going to figure out what I want to do in life. Beyond being a courtesan, that is. And fingers crossed, I'm going to get married to the most wonderful man on Earth. But I don't expect to marry a client, Li-san," she added quickly.
"All I want is a regular nice guy. One's who's kind-hearted and smart and supportive. For my father's sake, he must have a good job. But I don't care about that. As long as he loves me unconditionally, I'll be glad."
Syaoran gave her a sceptical look and she clamped her hands over her face.
"I'm serious. I'm such a romantic. And I know I should be logical too, but I can't help myself."
Trying to suppress the huge grin on her face Sakura looked out at the tall buildings in the distance, her cheeks ablaze. She was starting to lose herself in thoughts about the future once more when Syaoran asked her a question.
"What's your name?"
She turned to him with disappointment. He had forgotten?
"Ayame. Sakamoto Ayame."
Syaoran shook his head.
"Your real name. I know that one's an alias."
"I can't tell you my real name," said Sakura, averting her eyes so she did not have to look at his displeased scowl. "I'm not supposed to. You'll know who I am."
"You know who I am," he stated.
"It's not the same," Sakura insisted. "I signed non-disclosure contracts. I'll be in big trouble if I told someone I went out with you. You're protected."
"I understand. You want confidentiality. But if you do tell me, no one but us will ever know," he said.
Syaoran's voice was calm and reassuring; so much so, Sakura almost spilled her soul to him.
"I won't tell anyone," he stressed. "I give you my word."
Sakura's heart thumped faster and faster. She could feel his will seeping into her, overshadowing her own. This was someone who got what he wanted but she was too afraid to reveal herself to him.
"I can't Li-san," she managed to say, her throat dry.
"What would it take to persuade you otherwise?"
He meant money and Sakura was insulted that he kept on insinuating that he could buy things from her that she was not selling.
"I can't," was her firm answer. Then like the coward she remembered she was, she added, "Matsushita-san will be mad."
She returned to her seat, her legs turning to Jell-O under Syaoran's gaze. She put her teddy bear on her lap and hugged it. She wanted to tell Syaoran her name on one hand because in some silly way, she had to wonder if he liked her just a little. Why else would he care what her real name was? No other client had asked that before. But on the other hand, something deep inside warned her about him.
It could be Kazumi's voice. The girl had told her on the drive home after chaperoning her on her first date, that super rich men did not get that way by accident. They were persuasive, ruthless and selfish and they always had to get what they wanted no matter what it took or who got hurt in the process. Do not fall for one, she had said. And if you do, never let him know how much you care. He will use it and he will ruin you.
She felt Syaoran's footsteps resound in her chest as he moved back to the seat opposite. His gaze was fixed outside and he, without a doubt, was not happy. The remainder of the ride was unbearably long for Sakura. Many times, she wanted to say she was sorry that she could not tell him what he wanted to hear but she knew he would not care for an apology without her disclosing her name after it.
Minutes later, the ride came to an end, and they went over to a botanical garden. Sakura kept checking for any signs that Syaoran was open to conversation, but his staid demeanour was not handing out any invitations.
When he veered off the paved path, she followed.
"Do you know where you're going?" she asked, suddenly remembering the story of Little Red Riding Hood.
"I'll be able to find my way back, courtesan," said Syaoran, without so much as a glance at her.
The way he said courtesan made it clear that he was still cross that she did not tell him her name. Sakura wished he could put it behind him the same way he had told her to put the terrible things he had said to her out of her mind.
The terrain of the woods was starting to become more rugged and it made Sakura's strides unstable even though her heels were not too thin or too high. Men never took such things into consideration. Perhaps she should have said something earlier. Maybe Syaoran would have stayed on the flat pathway.
Ahead of her, he was moving forward almost like he meant to leave her behind. She delved deep in her thoughts, wondering how she could get him to loosen up. Should she try another riddle? She was trying to remember a good one when her shoes slid against a fallen twig. She came crashing down to the ground, butt first.
"Hoe-eee..." she moaned, eyes shut tight.
The stones on the ground bit into her tender behind and her palm that had shot out to brace her, was grazed by sharp pebbles. She brought it up to eye-level. Thankfully it was only bruised, and she did not get any cuts. Surprisingly, she was still clutching tight to her teddy bear. She was about to begin her embarrassing journey upwards when she heard dry, fallen foliage crunching beneath feet. Syaoran's shoes came into view, and she bowed her head. She had finally done it. She had finally made a fool of herself. And he had not even been watching her that time.
A palm appeared in front of her, and she followed its origin up a lean arm to find Syaoran watching her expectantly. She looked at his hand again and light seemed to emanate from it, beckoning. Was he really offering to help her up? Was she really going to touch him? The way he presented himself, cool and distant, it felt like an honour to do so.
Tentatively, she reached out, her heartbeats hammering in her ears. Her fingers hovered over his and she did not know why she suddenly felt scared to feel him. Even he had an air of apprehension about him, like he wanted to help her but at the same time, preferred she get up on her own.
Biting her bottom lip, she touched her fingertips to his and the shock was so severe, she flinched. Syaoran drew in a sharp breath and when she gazed up at him, his head was angled back, warily. Yet, his hand never faltered. Squeezing the teddy bear tighter to her, Sakura very gently rest her fingers against his.
His thumb, slightly rough, slid with tormenting slowness up the back of her hand as his long fingers enveloped her in a warm, secure hold. For a crazy moment she thought that like Eriol, he would kiss it. Instead, he stepped back, pulling her to her feet. Sakura, looking at her hand laying in his, reddened.
"Arigatou," she murmured.
She expected him to release her, but he peered down at her shoes.
"There's a clearing up ahead," he said, and he started walking, still holding onto her, though a bit lighter this time.
Her legs were shaky from her fall and every time she stumbled, Syaoran would grip her hand tighter before loosening his hold again. It steadied her physically but inside, she was tumbling all over herself. He's a client, she shouted in her mind, he's a client! He gazed at her through the corner of his eye just as she looked up at him.
Goodness gracious. She was staring at his lips. And her insides were flipping. And her heart was skipping beats. Eriol had said he was a good guy. But Eriol could be wrong. But oh, if he was right it would be so amaz - client, she repeated to herself. He was a client. And intense, disrespectful, silent types were not attractive to her at all. But he had apologized.
Oh, Kinomoto Sakura, stop it.
As Syaoran had said, they eventually came upon a clearing. The only sounds Sakura could hear besides the sounds they made were that of critters on the ground and birds fluttering in the treetops.
"It's quiet."
"I like quiet," said Syaoran. "There's too many people in the park today."
"Well it's a Sunday," she explained. "I'm having a good time anyway. I hope you are too."
She smiled wide and he came to an abrupt stop. Suddenly, her hand felt bare as his fingers released her. He walked over to a pine tree and stood below it, brows furrowed.
"Something wrong?" she asked, moving over to him.
The leaves above their heads rustled in a passing wind and some golden ones drifted down around them. She squinted up at the soft sunlight, playing prettily through the branches of the tree.
"Why are you doing this?" asked Syaoran.
Sakura tilted her head in question, not quite understanding.
"Being a companion, as you say," said Syaoran. "Why do you do it?"
Sakura ambled away, taking in the sight of the thriving woods. Was he going to be mean to her now? It hurt because she thought they were getting on good terms. It was mind-boggling how he pulled and pushed her with such ease and still she wanted more - to see the side of him Eriol mentioned.
"It's my job," she said, just loud enough to be heard.
"There are other jobs," he told her. "Why did you choose this one?"
Sakura pressed her hand against a tree, feeling the jagged bark beneath her fingers.
"It pays well." She shrugged. "I'm not really talented at anything and it's not too difficult for me. It allows me to meet all kinds of interesting people, and dress up, and go to nice places... but I'm not going to do it forever, you know. When I get enough money I- "
She paused, alarmed at how much of herself she was revealing to Syaoran.
"What do you need money for?" he asked.
Sakura sighed, feeling a headache coming on from out of nowhere.
"Why are we always discussing money Li-san?" she asked, a pained smile on her face.
His eyes became slits.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked, retreating a little.
He took a few steps towards her, and her limbs turned to stone.
"You're naïve," he told her. "Even after you get whatever money you need, you're not going to stop."
"How do you know?"
"I told you courtesan, I know all about women like you. I've been around you my entire life. When you're old and can't keep up with the younger ones any longer you'll be cast aside. But you don't quit. Not on your own. It becomes too addictive."
Sakura's lips trembled.
"I... What does it matter to you? You're always looking down your nose at me Li-san but I'm not hurting anyone. Yes, I let them touch me, kiss me sometimes but it's all harmless. And I-"
Syaoran was looking at her in shock, his expression alternating between one of disgust and confusion. He moved so close to her that she saw her face reflected in his brown eyes and smelled that delightful cologne he wore.
"Where?" he asked her.
"Nani?" asked Sakura, her braining slowing to a crawl.
"They kiss you where?"
Overwhelmed by his presence, she looked away.
"...you know."
Syaoran shook his head.
"My cheeks," said Sakura, thinking to herself that his line of questioning and her answering him was a bit abnormal.
"Only?"
"Little pecks on my lips sometimes."
And sometimes big pecks too.
Syaoran averted his eyes sharply, and a split second later, they were back on her.
"But you're only for platonic -" He paused, devouring her frame with his eyes and finally, she got the assurance that she did look good that day. "You didn't tell me kissing was allowed."
"You didn't ask about kissing. Besides, you said you didn't care about the agency's rules."
Her words had caught him off guard, but he was quickly recovering. Slowly, he advanced on her. She stepped back as he continued to step forward, until her back bumped against a tree.
Syaoran's hand inched towards her face, passed tantalizingly close to the curve of her chin before falling back to his side. Her scalp prickled and she wondered what magic he was emanating to cause her body to react this way.
"Where do they touch you?" he asked her.
Sakura blushed but kept her mouth firmly shut. She had never been asked that directly. Usually, it was one tentative touch followed by many other 'accidental' touches that she pretended she had not noticed.
"Li-san…"
"I want to know," said Syaoran, looking deep into her eyes, his own pupils dilated so much, his eyes appeared black. "Tell me."
He adjusted his position and she had to press her back into the tree trunk to keep a sliver of space between them. The poor teddy was squashed against her chest as she clutched it tight.
"Normal places," she said, her heart racing like a wild horse.
Syaoran's eyes were captivating and his scent so enthralling that even though her body was saying no, her neck was stretching up, exposing her lips to his.
"Like?" he asked, voice becoming husky.
"I... it's... girlfriend-boyfriend touching..."
"That could mean a host of things. Be specific."
Sakura swallowed. Each word coming out of his mouth though normal enough, sounded so licentious, she felt beads of sweat gathering in the valley of her breasts which were heaving with each breath she took. Even though he was not physically restraining her, Syaoran's aura had her pinned down. Despite her undeniable attraction to him, she was beginning to panic.
"Li-san, can you step back a little? Please?"
His head dipped but he wrenched it away at the last moment. He turned and walked away, fingers flexing. Then almost immediately, he came back to her, and he held out his hand.
"Let's head back."
When she took his hand, he closed his fingers over hers and squeezed. Her hand shook as his trembled, but in a matter of seconds it had finished, and his hold was steady.
When they reached the stone path they had deviated from earlier, Syaoran came to a stop and released her. Staring straight ahead of them at the soaring roller coaster in the distance, he said, "You realise those touches you mentioned are going to turn into something more. Right?"
Sakura shook her head.
"I don't do that Li-san."
"Matsushita won't put that offer on her website and you say you don't do that," he said, like he had not heard her just now. "But you must be aware that the other girls do."
Sakura made no indication that he was right and that indeed, she did know. She had found out some time now.
"Yet I still have to pay a lot to see you. What makes you so special, that you command the price of a woman who would see to my every twisted need? Have you thought about that?" He looked at Sakura, flush in the face and she reddened. "After all, you're new to this and it's excruciatingly obvious."
"I try," said Sakura, defensively. "I know I'm not perfect yet but-"
"You're a virgin."
Sakura recoiled like she had been lashed with a bullwhip. Her cheeks were on fire and steam was flying out of her ears but Syaoran's grim expression had not changed.
"That too is obvious to me now," he continued. "It explains many things. Men, particularly older men, don't mind you not being perfect because being with someone pure is enticing to them. Exotic, even. Matsushita knows that. You really think it wise to be entertaining men, when you've never even been with one?"
He waited for a response, but Sakura could not form a coherent sentence right then. How could he speak about others' sex lives or lack thereof that calmly? Like it was his business?
"I assume by your silence that you really are a virgin. You do know what those men want from you? Doesn't it bother you to have their attention focused on that one thing?"
Sakura's heart was beating hard. The force of the blood gushing through her veins made her ears hurt and her vision blur. Sometimes, she did get scared being out on her own with strange men, but she would not admit that to Syaoran. Not when he had such a superior air about him.
"I don't see why I can't go out with them," she said. "They're all mostly gentlemen and they've never said they wanted-"
"You don't know how these things work so let me enlighten you, courtesan," he said, with a hint of mocking. "Matsushita's dangling you in front of men who for whatever reasons enjoy the company of less experienced women. That's why she has you doing these little girlfriend-type dates. When enough men show interest in you, she'll start a bid and the highest bidder wins you. Alone in a hotel room for two to three days. And bear in mind, when you sell yourself, enjoying it is a privilege you won't get."
Sakura's chest tightened. Here he was again, judging her. Being a know-it-all. But this was one blow too many, and maybe that was because she did wonder late in the night if Satomi was as nice as she portrayed herself to be. She did not want to hear sense from this man though.
"I'm not a prostitute!"
He raised an eyebrow.
"No. Not yet. But when a million dollars is laid out in front of you, we'll see."
Her eyes filled with tears. She sniffed and looked about her. A few people walked along the path and she did not speak until they were out of earshot.
"I'm not the kind of girl you think I am Li-san."
"I think you're exactly that kind," said Syaoran. "Too ignorant to see when you're being taken advantage of."
"I'm not!" said Sakura. Some girls did things with their clients, but Satomi never said it was required. If they wanted to do so, it was their choice. "I know exactly what I'm doing."
"Then you want to be auctioned off to the highest bidder despite all your talk about me only being able to buy your time."
"Matsushita-san would never do that to me. I will never do that."
"That's what you all say but your actions always contradict. And don't for a second believe she has not done this before. The woman is notorious for her virgin auctions. She calls them her Cherry Deals."
Sakura bit down on her teeth. How was he so certain? Was he right? He could not be right. She was not for sale. Dazed, she checked her watch. Syaoran saw her eyes on the time and his face hardened.
"I'll walk you out," he said before she could tell him that time was up.
He did not say another word to her nor she to him as he led her past the amusement park's gates and that was one silence Sakura did not mind at all.
