Please note that this story is a series of shorts based and linked to the Borderlands Fanfic Rebel Anarchy. It is advised that you read the noted chapter of that story before reading this chapter for full context.
The events of this chapter take place after chapter 9 of Rebel Anarchy and before chapter 10.
Disclaimer: I do not own Borderlands or any of its characters, Borderlands is owned by Gearbox Software and 2K Games, the only ownership I claim is of my own OCs. This is a story just for your fun and enjoyment. Please enjoy.
-Stories text formats-
"Talking"
'Thinking'
"Echo/Radio"
'Krieg's inner voice'
Quest of the day:
-Claptrap's Secret Stash-
X-X-X
Quest 5
My first… Skag?
'All I want was one day to sleep in, is that too much to ask for. But noooo, my BFF had to kick in my door like the space FBI, drag me out of a perfectly warm bed, just so we could lay on a slab of ice and snow for hours on end, hunting bullymongs all day!' Gaige thought as she racked a new mag in her rifle for the fiftieth time that day.
Kai and Gaige were currently taking practice shots at some Bullymongs atop a cliff across a massive crevasse near the marrow fields. The reason for this was to… try and improve Gaige's accuracy with ranged weapons. After the incident at Southpaw, everyone agreed that the girl needed training with a sniper rifle. Gaige was currently using a bi-pod Vladof sniper she had found several days before and was trying to miserable effect to hit a Bullymong who didn't even seem to notice it was being shot at.
"How the hell are you so bad at this when even your Anarchy is empty? Even when Scooter is drunk off his ass he can at least wing a skag from 300 meters away, with a bandit rifle, but you can't even hit a creature that twice or thrice its size with a sniper rifle at half the range!" Kai said as he set down the spotter scope he was using.
SHUT UP! It's harder than it looks!" Gaige retorted with a pout as Kai pick up his Clementine.
"Not really." Kai retorted as he looked down the iron sights of his Clementine. A second later he fired a single shot at the Bullymong she had been firing at and blew the creature's brains out.
Gaige looked between him and the rifle. "How the hell did you hit a Bullymong at that range without a scope?"
"Practice, lots of practice." He said cheerfully before firing another round which ripped apart a Monglet chest as it was in mid-jump.
Gaige stared at him for several seconds as she shot him a scrutinizing glare. "Bullshit. It's got to be the gun… Let me try it."
"No." Kai bluntly replied as he fired again and hit a Slinger through the heart, blowing said heart out of it back and onto the face of another Bullymong who began to panic before slipping on the blood of an earlier kill and sliding off the cliff to its doom.
"I bet you're just afraid that I'll be a better shot with it than you!" This got a chuckle out of Kai before he took another shot which brained two Adult Bullymong who were unlucky enough to be lined up.
"Firstly, it took me a whole year just to be able to handle this rifle, your little ass wouldn't be able to handle it. Second, you'd probably break something if you tried to shoot this weapon. Third, you haven't even managed to hit anything with any scoped sniper rifle yet so good luck eyeballing a target with an iron sight." That one got Gaige to pout. "And finally, old Wind Snapper entrusted me with this weapon. A weapon that he spent years crafting, one that he poured all of his heart, soul, and experience into. I respect that old grouch far too much to let anyone, especially a gun-ho rookie with a pension for anarchist behavior use this weapon, which as I said before would probably knock you on your little ass at the very least." He fired again, this time he shot a Brat mong off the back of a badass Bullymong.
"Did you just insult and tease me?" Gaige said, slightly flustered.
He fired for a seventh time, blasting another adult mong's arm off which caused it to lose its footing and fall off a cliff it was hanging on. "A little." Kai said with a cheeky grin.
"Screw you asshole." She pouted, getting Kai to laugh.
"The point is Gaige, the only way I would ever let someone even touch this weapon." He stated as he focuses on a Badass mong. "Is if they were to pry it from my cold dead hands."
*BANG!*
The final shot hit the Badass Mong square in the heart, making the beast grab its chest and slowly look down at it. After several seconds it looked up and let out a pained roar to the sky as it shook its fists to the heavens before falling forward and off the cliff screaming all the way down. "Freaken drama mongs." Kai muttered only for a fireball to erupt from the crevasse.
"WHAT THE FUCK!?" Gaige screamed as she jumped back.
Kai glanced over the edge of the cliff and then had a look of general surprise on his face. "Huh, well that was convenient." Gaige glanced over the edge and saw a burning tanker truck that looked like it was slapped together with rust, gum, and tape. Not duck tape, but simple tape. "Huh, didn't realize the Gas Burg Boys were running shipments through here again." There were several roars as about three dozen Bullymongs started crawling out of the nests on the other side. "Well that's handy, they woke up the nest." Now we won't have to find a new spot." Gaige just let out a tired sigh before turning and walking away. "Hey, where are you going?"
I need to use the bathroom." She said not bothering to turn to him.
"Hey, Gaige." She turned only to jump back in order to catch a roll of toilet paper. "Don't go far." he said before he took aim again with his rifle. Gaige looked at the roll before shrugging and walking off.
Fifteen minutes later after finding a quiet place and finishing her business she was walking back to the cliff between a small maze of rocks and ice walls. As she was walking she heard something behind her. Gaige stopped and looked around to see nothing. With a shrug, she continued on until she heard a crunching noise. "Hello?" She looked around but didn't see anything. Now a little spooked she decided to keep walking. Gaige only made it several steps before she heard another sound, she turned to see some rocks and ice fall off a ledge. The teen slowly pulled out her Rogue Smuggler and started looking around. "Kai, is that you?"
She heard another sound and whipped around to find nothing but snow and ice. "Kai? . . . This isn't funny." She said now extremely unnerved. There was another noise so she quickly started running through the maze of rock and ice only to turn into a dead-end accidentally.
"Surrender." Gaige yelped in surprise and quickly turned and fired at who surprised her. The bullet to her shock was deflected by a resounding clang only to feel something smack her normal hand, causing Gaige to yelp in pain and drop the Rogue Smuggler. In panic, Gaige threw the toilet paper which the man sliced through with what she now realized was a sword. Taking a few steps back Gaige got a good look at her attacker. It was a man about 190cm who was dressed in a long black coat with glowing yellow edges and several belts and pockets strapped to him for no apparent rhyme or reason. On his head, he wore a large black Kasa hat with kanji script covering it as the brim edge glowed like his clothe The hat also hid the top half of the man's face but Gaige could see tufts of dyed red hair peeking from beneath as well as a face mask that looked like the mouth of a demon. Altogether he looked like some kind of cyberpunk ronin.
"Wh-who are you?"
"I am known by many as the Black Ronin, last of my clan, a master assassin and bounty hunter who's been banished to wander the universe. And today, you are my quarry." The man said with a synthetic voice. "Gaige the Mechromancer. Wanted for the murder of Marcie Holloway. I can bring you in warm, or I can bring you in cold."
Gaige just stared at the man with a dumbstruck look until she let out a snort. "Seriously!? You're quoting the Mandalorian, that's like so twenty-first century… Granted it's still an awesome show to quote but that line is so cliché and overused, but how's anyone supposed to take you seriously when you-"
In a flash too fast to see the man brought a futuristic-looking katana with a glowing yellow edge right to her throat. "I will not ask again." He stated coldly. Gaige immediately raised her hands in surrender. "Good, now then you will march in front as I take you to-
"What the fuck are you doing?" Gaige and the Ronin looked to see Kai standing on top of the crevasse behind the man, with Hati standing on Kai's left.
"Leave peasant, I have no reason to hunt you." The Ronin said as Kai and Hati jumped down to the ground.
"Yeah no." Kai said in a disinterested tone. "See, you're trying to take my here friend. So I'm obliged to kick, if not kill, your ass." Kai said as Hati let out a growl.
"I see you are not going to leave this be foolish youth." he said as he pointed his Katana at him. "Honorable your intentions may be, futile they are." He said causing Kai to stop in his track and cork an eyebrow.
"Did you just try and sound like Master Yoda? You heard that right, he just ripped off Master Yoda." Kai asked Hati who barked in agreement.
"I don't know this Master Yoda you speak of." The Ronin said.
"Don't know who… Yoda. Green guy with pointy ears. Not much taller than my buddy here?" Kai said pointing to Hati. "From Star Wars? Was the head of the Jedi council, trained Luke Skywalker."
"What is this Star Wars, heard not have I."
"He quoted the Mandalorian's first line before you got here." Gaige piped in getting a glare from the Ronin who still had a sword to her.
"Seriously? You know what fuck it. Hati." Without warning the wolf pounced at the Ronin who tried to slash the construct, only to have his blade phase through him with no effect. Hati bit the man's right wrist and knocked him to the ground as the ronin let out a panicked scream.
"What is this, have you no honor." He yelled in pained anger.
"Okay, now he sounds like a cliche samurai. Look buddy you think a fancy sword and "honor" will get you out of trouble?"
"You obviously know nothing of honor peasant!"
"Hati." Kai said in a bored tone. Hati immediately took another bite at the man's wrist, taring the arm off at the elbow.
"Aaaaugh! WHAT THE FUCK MAN!"
"And there goes the facade." Kai said as he slowly walks over to the man who was panicking.
"It wasn't supposed to be like this, they never said anything like this about the planet! I was supposed to score the biggest bounty in fifty years, get paid, party from dusk till dawn, buy my own moon filled with naked midgets to play badminton with every day, while high on eridium!"
Kai stopped and stared at the ronin for a second before shrugging. "Wierd preference, but after knowing Moxxi for a few months I'm not one to judge." He said before continuing towards the man. "Look, I get it. You must be a newly minted bounty hunter hoping to strike it rich quick and easy, so you figured you'd go after an easy but high-value mark."
"Hey!" Gaige protested.
"Make a name for yourself, get everyone talking about the mysterious new mercenary." Kai continued in a mocking tone. "But, you didn't do your homework buddy." Kai said, his voice once again serious. "See on Pandora it is a Skag eat Skag world, I mean it is an extremely dangerous world what with all the Bandits, deadly creatures, vault monsters, and crazy CEOs, but there is one group on Pandora you never want to fuck with… And that's Vault Hunters." Kai said as he now stood over the down man.
"See, unlike most other groups here we watch out for our own. And more importantly, we thrive in this environment." Kai stated as he pulled out a Jakob revolver. "So with that food for thought, on the behalf of all Vault Hunters, I'd just like to say." He cocked the hammer and pointed the revolver at the Ronin. "Welcome to Pandora, bitch." He fired, putting a single bullet into the man's head then took another shot at his heart. He stared at the corpse for a moment before turning to his friend. "Gaige, you okay?" Kai asked with concern.
"Yeah." Gaige said as she picked her pistol up and looked it over. "He didn't do anything to me… Other than possibly peek on me as I was." Gaige shudder at the thought. "When did you notice I was in trouble?"
"Hati smelled the scent of cheap metal polish and dirty socks. So we investigated." Kai said as Hati gave a happy muffled bark as he gnawed on the arm he bit off. Kai glared at the wolf. "Spit that thing out."
"Okay, why did you kill him?"
"The punk was a ronin, even if we let him go, he would just keep coming back on the belief that his honor can only be returned if he finishes the mission. These edgelords samurai types never forget or forgive such things. Seriously, honor is a fucking joke in a fight." Kai muttered as he nudged the body with his boot. "Plus the asshole ruined a perfectly good half roll of TP." Kai said pointing to the cut roll on the icy ground. "Do you know how much TP cost on Pandora, two hundred bucks a roll! I can buy several rocket rounds for that!"
"Well, that's. . . Disconcerting. And why'd exactly did you double-tap him?"
"Gotta make sure the bastard doesn't come back as a lich." Kai said as he pulled the spent casings from the revolver.
"Rrrrriiiight… Odd answer. So what do we do with him?"
"We strip him of any gear and loot, and let the skags deal with the body."
"You've mentioned that a few times now, just what is a Skag?
Suddenly a loud screech caused both teens to turn around. In front of them was a four-legged animal with grayish-green skin with blood spatter all over it that was the size of a large boar. It had chitin armor in several places and spiked protrusions from its back with several pieces of metal and even arrows sticking out of it back. It let out a roar that revealed its mouth was actually able to split into four parts that spat out saliva and foam.
"THAT'S A SKAG!" Kai yelled as he aimed the revolver and fired, only for the cylinder to explode making him drop it. "AAAH! FUCK!" He yelled as Gaige aim her own pistol and fired at the creature. Hitting it several times to little effect.
The creature turned to her and let out a roar before charging at her. "SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!" Gaige yelled as he emptied her gun into it. The creature then leaped at her with its mouth open in a roar. Gaige was about to try and punch it when a bang went off knocking the creature off course and into a rock wall. Gaige looked right to see Kai holding a Jakob Coach gun, which he began reloading only to be surprised when the wounded creature got back up and immediately jumped at him. He throws the gun in its way, knocking the creature back. Gaige looked around for anything and saw the ronin katana near her.
Kai had just pulled a Dahl SMG and mag dumped it into the vicious creature, but to no surprise to the rebel, it got back up immediately. "I fucking hate these bastards!"
"Kai!" He looked to Gaige just in time to see her toss the sword, barely catching it by the grip. Before he could yell at the stupidity of the act the creature roared and charged again. Kai brought the sword up and waited for the foaming animal to get closer. Just as it jumped to tackle him Kai sidestepped the animal and brought the sword down earning a sudden yelp from the creature. The body of the creature, along with a few dropped pieces of loot flew into a nearby stone as the head rolled off with its long tongue whipping about before coming to a stop in the snow.
"FUCK I HATE THOSE THINGS!" Kai yelled.
"What was that… Thing!"
"That… was a skag." Kai answered tiredly
"That's a skag! Shit, are they all like that!
"Some yes, others no… That was a rabid skag to be specific, a particularly vicious breed that's hard to kill. Hell, it's almost on the same level as a badass, only smaller and quicker." Kai said as he whipped the blood off the sword before giving it a look over. "Neat, I've always wanted one of these."
"What, a katana? Don't tell me you are going to go around with that on your back or something. Are you now gonna go thinking of yourself as the cool and stoic samurai?" Gaige asked in a joking manner.
"Hell no. I just want to mount it on my trophy wall." Kai said as he pick up the scabbard and sheathed it.
". . . You have a trophy wall?"
"Yeah, just inside the door to my apartment. I got all sorts of things on there that Reiss and I have picked up over the last few months. A golden psycho mask from my first fight, several flags of bandit clans we helped exterminate, head of a rare metallic blue spiderant I killed, an old school Winchester coach gun Reiss scored. But we've never had a sword, until now."
"Huh, neat."
"Now come on. No lunch until you hit a bullymong at over two hundred meters. With the sniper rifle." He emphasized.
"But that's so hard!" Gaige moaned.
"Two hundred meters is nothing for a rifle like that, it's easy mode. Now come on, we're wasting daylight."
"Damn slave driver."
"Oh, so you want to go for two Bullymong.
"No." She groaned.
"Then come on, we're burning daylight." Kai said getting the girl to walk back to their spot. Before Kai left he looked back at the ronin and frowned. "I think I'll need to talk to Scooter."
Later that evening a dejected Gaige walked with her friend through Sanctuary. "Seriously, how is it that you managed to get through three hundred rounds of rifle ammo, and still never even hit one target?"
"Shut up."
"I mean, even if the gun was just pointing in that pack's direction, probability dictates that you should have hit one since you were aiming."
"Shut UP."
"But somehow you defied all laws of probability and even with you trying you hit nothing, you've singlehandedly defied the universal norm."
"SHUT UP!" Gaige yell with an embarrassed blush that threatened to melt her face.
"Sorry." He chuckled. "So, how about pizza at Moxxi's."
"That depends, what is the pizza made from?"
"Gaige, food is food. So long as it's edible, tastes like what it's sold as, and doesn't come from the human body then you shouldn't be picky… Unless you have a food allergy… Do you?" Kai asked glancing at Gaige.
"Not that I'm aware of." Gaige said only to bump into something, she looked down to find Claptrap.
"MINIONS! There you are, I got a job for you both. COME ON." Claptrap yelled as he grabbed Gaige by the hand and dragged her along.
"What!? Claptrap stop!" Gaige cried as Kai just followed.
Soon they made it to a small alleyway that Claptrap had apparently made his home. "Minion, you helped me reach Sanctuary, and for that, you deserve a reward! I have a secret stash hidden very very far away from where I currently am! In order to find it, you will have to perform a series of devious challenges."
"Okay… And what are these challenges that we have to do for my reward." Gaige said.
"First, collect a few brown rocks for me." An alert appeared on Gaige's HUD stating she had to collect 139,377 brown rocks. "Then, defeat a badass skag."
"Does a Rabid Skag count?" Kai said holding a bloody bag up.
"No." Claptrap said as Kai shrugged and another objective appeared on Gaige's HUD. "Then, pilfer the lost staff of Mount Schuler. THEN you shall bring me the head of the Destroyer of Worlds, and THEN YOU SHALL DANCE FOR MY ENJOYMENT! HAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHA!" Claptarp laughed as three more objectives appeared.
"Un-huh… And what per se would Gaige find in this stash?" Kai asked.
"Treasure of unimaginable worth, and guns of epic power!" Claptrap boasted before bursting into uncontrollable laughter.
"So what happens if we find the stash before we complete the missions."
"Silly minions! My stash is impossible to find. Even if you spend a million years searching the planet, you'll never find it!" He cackled madly. As he did the sound of metal shifting could be heard. The teens looked behind them to see some sheet metal fall off a locker and a sign in a box above it fell open to reveal an old show sign saying Claptraps Super Secret Stash. Claptrap stared at the now revealed stash as Kai and Gaige looked back at the robot. "Oh. Crap! It, uh, looks like the hiding space for my super-secret stash just fell apart, leaving it completely exposed. So ... congratulations! You successfully subverted my meticulously planned challenges! Why don't ya go check out the stash?" Claptrap said.
Kai rolled his eyes as he went and opened the locker only to immediately get knocked to the ground by a green-painted Claptrap with a red beret that came flying out. "Ow… Claptrap, why do you have another claptrap here?"
"Uuuuuh, spare parts?" Claptrap says as Kai hefts the bot off of him. Gaige meanwhile looks in the locker. Inside she found a few uncommon SMGs, a common Torgue pistol, and a stack of robot porn mags… With oil stains on them.
"Well that's disturbing." Gaige said as she pushed the magazines out of the way. When the magazines fell away she found a wood box at the bottom of the locker, curious as she was she opened the box which to her amazement seemed to leak glowing orange light.
"More importantly why would you shove the damn bot in a locker?" Kai said berating the little robot.
"SCORE!" Both Kai and Claptrap looked to see Gaige holding a very clean and futuristic revolver that was a mix of grey and orange parts, with green highlight and a set of what looked like carburetor heads under the barrel making Kai immediately think of a Torgue weapon. He also noted the word Girth printed on the side of the gun as his own ECHO HUD came up labeling the weapon as the Girth Blaster Elite. A Legendary weapon.
"Oh, you gotta be kidding- DIBS!" Kai yelled.
"Screw you, finders keepers man! "Gaige said as she took aim at a nearby beer bottle someone left on the street. She eagerly pulled the trigger and-.
*POP!* A foam dart flew across the street and sticks to the bottle with a suction head. Gaige stares at the dart and fires again to see another dart hit the bottle. "No." She said as she fired another dart. "No. No! NOOOO!" Gaige screamed as she fired the last dart. You can't be serious! What kind of sick joke is this!?" Gaige yelled.
Gaige heard a chuckle, she turned to see Kai trying to hold in a laugh. "Honestly, I think it's a very age-appropriate legendary for you." Kai said before he busted out laughing.
Gaige just pouted in embarrassment and disappointment as the rebel continued to laugh. "It's not that funny."
"No, it's hilarious, the first legendary gun you ever get turns out to be a toy foam dart gun. That's rich." Kai said as he laughed for another five minutes. After finally calming down, Kai walked to the locker and looked at its content. "Eh it's not much but we could at least trade or sell these weapons." He said looking at the SMGs. He then got to the pistol which was an old Torgue gun. He was about to throw the gun away when he noted something on the weapon's card when he looked at it.
The One Hit Wonder, which had the red text Like a Hurricane. He looked over the stats and was confused as all the stats were a jumbled mess of numbers and symbols, the only number he could see was the clip size which matched his current ammo count. "Okay, that's odd." Kai muttered.
"What's odd?"
"This thing is technically a unique weapon, but it is a common grade weapon."
"So it's a white weapon… I thought you said white weapons were no good?"
"If it's white, it ain't right,'' Kai muttered. "Typically yes, but it appears this has been modified, who knows what it can do." Kai said as he put it in his inventory.
"Ummm, you guys wouldn't happen to mind doing the missions anyways?" Claptrap asked.
The teens both gave him a deadpan stare as the bot sighed. "I didn't think so."
X-X-X
Yeah, surprise! Another adventure so soon after the last one. And this also is the last mission from the Plan B set.
(Gaige) What about No Vacancy?
(Kilo) . . . As I was saying. So next will be moving into the Hunt for the Firehawk mission. We already did Too Close for Missiles, and will be having some fun with the Cult missions. Anyways, remember to follow for more updates, and please leave a comment.
(Gaige) No, we insist. PLEASE leave a comment, we haven't had any feedback on this side project since 2020! I mean look at Tina, is this the face of someone who you want to disappoint!?
(Tina is giving a pouty face with trembling lips and small pearls of tears in the corner of her eyes as she looks up at the reads with big sad eyes.)
(Kilo) Oh for crying…. Until next time Vault Hunters. Kilo8 out.
PS - I nearly forgot to mention, that unique common weapon Kai found was inspired by The Killer Mohawk. As for what the The One Hit Wonder does... Well, that's a surprise. If you are interested in helping with the series please feel free to use the link for the Discord or PM me for an invite.
HT TP (Colon Double-slash) discord . gg / R2rKhZr6
