VII. THE CONFLICTED CRUSADER
Without losing a piece of me
How do I get to heaven?
Without changing a part of me
How do I get to heaven?
All my time is wasted
Feeling like my heart's mistaken, oh
So if I'm losing a piece of me
Maybe I don't want heaven
SAMPSON SANTORO
DISTRICT TWO
It's close to ten at night when Sampson's father Faron knocks on his door, "Are you awake, my son?"
The answer's yes, even though he really shouldn't be, and he's really wishing he was asleep too, already dressed in his white pajamas and leaned back against his bed, "Yes, father."
Hopefully that's fine, Sampson sighs, unsure if he's supposed to be awake now, "You can come in if you'd like."
Faron enters the bedroom carefully, still dressed in his suit from work though he's slightly more relaxed than he is when he usually gets home, "Could you come outside with me for a bit, I need to talk to you."
He nods and puts on his slippers, carefully following his father through the hallway as not to wake anyone, his siblings Kiana, Inacio, Marcel, and Teodor, but most importantly his mother Elisia since well, she's never been the most pleasant when suddenly shocked out of sleep. He's lead to Faron's study, a somewhat small room with a desk, two chairs, and an abundance of books on a shelf in the back. There's just one laying out though, a work Sampson's far too familiar with, The Father's Opus.
Sampson leans back ever so slightly in his chair while he waits for his father to begin, taking in the room's aura, a golden light from the ceiling and the scent of vanilla from a candle resting on the shelves.
Faron coughs twice, "I trust you know why I've brought you here today, Sampson."
The boy nods, "Because of tomorrow?"
"Precisely," He places his hand atop the Opus, "I know there's no purpose in me repeating what you represent, you've internalized that quite well, but I just wanted to have a talk with you before you leave for the Games."
"Of course, father," Sampson lets a slight smile crawl on his face, talking with his father has always been one of his favorite pastimes in the house, "It would be my honor."
"Your son's going to be somebody special," is what most people say to Elisia and Faron in the days proceeding Sampson's birth, and it's admittedly not hard to see why. From the moment he first opened his eyes, it's practically fate that Sampson grow up into importance.
Because, one of the first things Faron realizes when he holds his son for the first time is that his left eye is brown like his and Elisia's but the right is an electrifying shade of blue, which must mean the Father himself's giving them a sign that if there's anybody who can sure his Faith prospers, it's Sampson Santoro.
His first five days are a blur, Elisia and Faron laying besides him in the hospital, people rushing from all over Coldwater Crest to see the new baby, a possible messiah as far as they're concerned because as much as a coincidence or rather a genetic mutation that it probably was, nobody's seen a baby with different colored eyes, and even the Patriarchs agree, there's something special about him.
Of course, Elisia milks it, tells all of the other mothers in the hospital, "My son's already a hero," with a smirk on her face. Because that's what Sampson's born to be, a hero, a savior. The Faith of The Father's been looking for one of those for quite some time, a child who can grow up and win the Hunger Games to eliminate the darkness of the world and serve the Father. A child who'll show Two that the Faith isn't a bunch of lunatics but rather truth tellers who know the importance of the world and it's values, and Elisia knows that's her son from the minute he's born, so she says, "My son's going to save Panem from darkness and bring eternal salvation to us all."
He's declared Sampson by a Patriarch on the fifth day of his life, a name that means sun since well, he's the darkness' biggest threat after all, and it's also decided then and there that Sampson Santoro's an Elect like his father. He's born to spread light through the country and eliminate the darkness, and it's decided he'll do that by winning the Hunger Games. It's been ten or so years since the Faith declared they need one of their own to win the Games, as it would eliminate as much darkness as possible, yet they've never had somebody make it through Two's entire training program.
And so, at just five days of age, Sampson Santoro's life has been decided for him. He'll win the Hunger Games and forever free the Faith from the Long Night, a future of eternal darkness whether he likes it or not.
"I mean a lot to other people," Sampson tilts his head upwards at his father, "I'm the first of the Faith to be chosen for the Games, the first Elect to be chosen for the Games."
"And that means?" Faron begs for more information out of the boy.
He smirks, "It means that the Father himself's chosen me to eliminate the darkness in the most holy of ways so that I can bring his glory to everyone."
It's a tough role, but one Sampson's prepared for his entire life, because even if it seems like a burden, being chosen by the Father in such a high regard is the biggest compliment he could ever receive, even if... nevermind. It's his duty to be here, representing the Faith in the 94th Hunger Games.
"Excellent, my son," Faron flips through the Opus and opens to a page towards the end, placing his finger on a paragraph of text and pushing it across his desk, "Can you read this for me?"
Sampson obliges, the grease on his fingers slightly damaging the thin parchment when he points at the words of his Faith, "It's only when the darkness is completely obliterated that we'll be able to enjoy life in all it's splendor. It's only when one of our own is able to eliminate the darkness and forever free us from the Long Night that the world will become our oyster for eternity. Once all who oppose the Father are gone or converted to his ways, the world will see tranquility, the world will see enlightenment."
He reaches the end of the blurb but is instructed to go on, "If one of our Elects can successfully persevere and show the world how it should be, salvation is promised for us all."
"Understand?" Faron asks, a sense of uncertainty in his voice.
Of course Sampson does, he knows his victory is what the Faith needs. Almost everyone in the Games falls into two categories, those who are guilty of sin and those who refuse to fight back. They're either serving themselves or not serving anyone at all, which is why he's different. He kills in the name of the Father, and he does so for reasons despite personal gain.
"I understand," He replies, "Serving Two and serving the Father tomorrow will be an honor and I look forwards to making my people proud."
Sampson Santoro's the victor Two needs, he's the victor everybody needs.
He doesn't exactly "get along" with the other kids at Pyros Academy, not that Sampson's here to make friends. He hears what they say in the hallway about him, that he's too pretentious, has too much of an ego, but at the same time, he's got every right to be… Sampson's been told he's destined to bring salvation, after all, and what eight year old isn't going to internalize that?
"Michael," He says to his friend one day after training whilst he's tying his shoes, "Do you think I'm weird?"
He's always been goofier than Sampson and seems somewhat shocked by that suggestion, "Why would you say weird?"
Sampson sighs… because not everybody here understands what being an Elect means… He's tried explaining it to the other Cadets but he's just left with weird glances and obvious judgement, "Because of… you know, the thing."
Michael still doesn't quite get it, "You mean, the Faith?"
"Well, not just the Faith, but everything else too," Sampson tightens his double-knot one last time and begins to stretch, "Like how I'm chosen by the Father to go into the arena someday."
He doesn't understand why the other kids are so… peeved by his truth. It's destiny after all, he's been told throughout his entire childhood that he's the chosen one, and he'll make it through training because that's what the Father's planned for him. To Sampson, there's no harm in letting the other kids know that it's him who'll eventually get chosen to represent Two, and while he doesn't think he's discouraging them from trying, he's just softening the blow for them when they realize it won't be them in the Games.
"I could see why the other kids wouldn't get it," He admits to Sampson, though there's a look of hesitation on Michael's face, "But I don't think that's your fault, it's there's because they just haven't seen the light of Father yet. I mean… you know what the Patriarchs always say—"
"That those who follow the light outcast those stuck in the dark," Sampson's heard the phrase time and time again, always wondering if he's doing his best to follow the light and make father proud, "And they're the ones stuck in the dark, right?"
"Precisely, my friend," Michael laughs in the doorway of the locker room, "I'll race you home… last one there's getting stuck in the Long Dark!"
Why's he taking it so lightly? Sampson hides his scowl before following him home.
Faron closes the book and looks his son in the eyes, "I'm glad you understand what you're fighting for, truly."
It's impossible for Sampson not to when it's all he's heard since the day he was born which nowadays has gotten… grating to say the least. Because it's always "Sampson, what are you doing to eliminate the dark?" or "Sampson, are you excited to bring glory to our people?" and it's like people never ask him if it's what he even wants… and that's become… well debatable. Because they way the Faith sees it, the world is simple, and everything can be solved if he wins the Games, the world can be saved if Sampson comes home with a crown on his head… and maybe he's a complete idiot, but maybe it just doesn't make sense in the slightest… nor does the fact they're relying on me, a teenager with a mere one in twenty-four chance of winning to save them… but he'll be fine, of course he'll be fine. This is his destiny and he has absolutely nothing to worry about, no not at all.
He hesitates before asking his father a question of his own, "Do you actually think I can do it?"
"I know you can," But there's doubt in Faron's voice, "It's what you were born to be."
The coals are hot under his feet and he feels himself slowly burning yet Sampson can't show it. Everyone who's came before him has completed the fire walk, and he's not going to be any different.
It's custom in the Faith that every Elect walk across a path of coals at age ten to prove their loyalty and dedication to the Faith, and because Sampson's supposed to be hellbent on bringing them glory, so this is nothing, obviously. Though it really doesn't help to see his mother on the other side with an increasingly frustrated look on her face calling out, "Just do it Sampson, I know you can do it."
He can tell she's judging her, she's always judging her which is why she needs to do better to make her proud, he's just not doing enough right now. Sampson's being weak, and a good Elect can't be weak, must be willing to do everything it takes to gain Father's approval, even if it means the skin peeling from the soles of his feet and his head beginning to sweat, because this is nothing compared to the Games, if he can't do this he might as well give up.
"I'm trying my best," Sampson mutters, attempting to take another step yet flinching at the searing sound his foot makes when it touches the coals once more. He glances at the path ahead of him, should be just five or more steps until he's reached the end yet… shoot it hurts… why's Father doing something to cause me pain if he's the one who wants me to be great? No… no! He can't question Father's law, he's doing this to test him, to ensure he's really good enough to be an Elect. Because again, if he can't do this— "Darn," he takes another step and this one hurts even more than the last, not that he should be letting it hurt, Why're you so sensitive all of the sudden, huh?"
"Hurry up," Elisia's getting impatient with him and… I can't make her impatient, I can't make her mad at me, the first step to impressing Father is impressing her… another step, another wave of pain traveling up Sampson's spine.
This is supposed to be the best day of his life, his first official task in the Faith yet he's… failing, and Sampson Santoro wasn't built to fail, he was built to impress his family and bring glory to District Two, he was built to save them.
Another step, "I'm hurrying," and his mother's just a few meters ahead of him now, he's so close, why isn't he there yet? Why isn't he trying harder? Why can't he just ignore the pain since it's bringing everyone closer to salvation. Is he being selfish right now? If he's being selfish then he has no place as an Elect.
The feeling of the cool grass against Sampson's feet is a relief, huffing and puffing as he runs into his mother's arms only to be lightly shoved away, "You could've done better, I'm sorry but it's the truth."
Luckily, Faron's there to hold him, scowling at his wife when he says, "Sampson did the best he could and I'm incredibly proud of him."
A Patriarch nods his head, "You're an amazing Elect, young one. I can tell what people meant when they said you'd go on to do great things."
Yet Sampson doesn't feel amazing, if anything he's just frustrated that he's being celebrated for feeling so much pain, and for what? He reminds himself, Because you have to prove yourself to Father, okay? It's no big deal… nope, no big deal at all. He's fine, and he should be basking in the compliments because this is just more proof he's doing the right thing and he's born to be their savior. He's failing the Faith if he even thinks with the notion of failing himself. Sampson's better than this.
"Thank you, sir," He goes to shake the Patriarch's hand, "It's a pleasure being here and serving Father."
Because yes, it truly is a pleasure as much as Sampson complains about it, he really shouldn't. These are his people, they're good to him and they don't judge him like the other Pyros kids. He should be more grateful for them and the love they've decided to shower him in. He's doing them a disservice if he doesn't act with pride for them.
"I couldn't even do the coals without flinching," Sampson reflects back to all those years ago, "Who's to say I can win?"
It's silly of him, he's gotten much better since then. Even if it was Father's plan for him, he still had to work hard to be chosen as the volunteer. He shouldn't discount all that hard work for a deficiency he showed when he was just ten years old. Sampson's killed before and after that incident, and he'll kill again if it's in the name of Father. He'll kill them all if it's what Father wants him to do… But is that what I want to do? No, no… that's selfish, I'm not selfish, I've got to do what Father commands of me, no matter what that is.
As expected, Faron says, "That was years ago. You're fine, Sampson."
Yes, he's right, I'm fine. I'm good enough to bring everyone glory and I'm definitely not going to be a failure, never mind the fact I can't be. Because this is my purpose, and if I win the Games it means I've actually done something notable with my life. If I win, it's not just destiny, it's my own merits… But then again, he could be wrong, he could be doubting everything for no real reason which is making him look like a fool. He was born for this, and he shouldn't be doubting himself, especially not now.
Sampson didn't think he'd get in trouble that day yet when he opens the door to his house with Elisia's arms crossed, he knows he's done something wrong… it's just a matter of what. He think's he's been on his best behavior, attending all his classes on time, reading the Opus every day and discussing it with the Patriarchs. He's been perfect, as far as he's concerned, because it's been two years since she was upset at him when he barely made it across the coals, and he can't disappoint her again.
"Who did you eat lunch with today?" He's not sure if it's a trick question, his mother trying to mess with him… but regardless, there's only one answer.
Like it's not a big deal, Sampson says, "Michael, like I always do."
A month or to ago, Michael and his family left the Faith, but Sampson doesn't think it's a big deal at all. They can still be friends after all, they just won't see each other during worship, but they still have training of course. Besides, not all of his friends need to belong to the Faith, variety's good and important to him. When he wins the Games he'll be expected to serve as a missionary to those outside the Faith so there's no harm in socializing with them early.
"I knew it," Elisia snarls at him, a somewhat wicked look in her eyes, "What did I tell you about Michael?"
"That he left the Faith," Again, that's really no big deal, right?
"I thought you were better than this, Sampson. Why don't you see the problem here?" She drags him in to the house, not wanting the rest of the neighborhood to hear all her vicious words, "Your friend Micheal betrayed you. He basically said that he and his family don't believe in everything we stand for. Why isn't that an issue? They might as well spit on your face since they clearly don't give a care about you. I'm sure they were jealous Michael wasn't as well-regarded as you are. You know what the Opus says about those who are avaricious, don't you."
He recites the text like it's been programmed in his head by a computer— which it might as well have been, "Those who are greedy and jealous are what's preventing us most from eliminating the dark."
Elisia smirks, "And that's what your little buddy Michael's doing, right?"
Sampson fails to see the correlation, because belonging to the Faith is hard. It's a lot of work and he sure can see why it would be too much for some people. Why, sometimes he questions if it's too much for him after all these ups and downs he's had to face just to be seen as worthy, at least in his mother's eyes. Michael's not selfish, that's simply blasphemous. He's a good friend, and Sampson respects his wisdom. He can't be mad at him and his family for just changing what they believe in. Everybody changes at times.
But he doesn't need to get into that with his mother, because it's clear that she'll never change, "I understand, mother. And it saddens me to think that somebody who I was such dear friends with has betrayed our community like this."
She claps her hands twice, "I knew you'd come around, my son. I've contacted Pyros and they ensured me that you'll be separated from him from now on. I'm sorry I was a bit aggressive earlier, but that's just because I love you and know you're better than these thoughts."
Yeah right, Sampson rolls his eyes once he's out of her sight, because her words still just don't make any sense to him. All the Patriarchs teach love and kindness above all else yet now he's supposed to just abandon somebody for disagreeing with him? Well… it's not his choice to abandon him but regardless, it just doesn't make sense. And he's distressed too because well, he didn't choose this life, it's just been thrusted at him in his face and now he has to just follow it blindly like some sort of bat? He's not left room for interpretation, he's just supposed to agree, even if it means being willingly separated from one of his only friends because it's what the Father wants for some reason, Not that I've ever talked to the Father… nor has anyone, now that I think of it. Yet we're supposed to understand his wishes regardless?
Maybe Elisia's right though. Having such a close friend in his training group could be considered a distraction and that's the last thing Sampson needs if he wants to succeed. Michael was an obstacle, and he was getting in the way of Sampson's full potential, so maybe it's a good thing he's gone. Maybe the Father's right.
Who's he kidding. The Father's always right, even if he doesn't think so at first.
"I know, I know. I just struggle sometimes," Sampson concedes.
His father leans back in his chair, "Go on, I'm listening to you."
Well it's just… am I doing this for me or for the Faith? What if I'm a sacrifice and they never wanted me to win, they just wanted me to get close to teach them a lesson. And that lesson involves me dying, and me slaughtering innocents for the sake of their teachings, what's the point if I die? Does that just mean I'm discarded and they pick the next kid to train for the Games because ultimately they don't care about me but instead what I represent? He's spiraling, yet it oddly makes sense in his brain. If he wins, he can't think like this because he'll be forced to preach their teachings and thinking it now is toxic. Sampson has to be strong for his teachings.
"I never chose this," Finally, he admits, "And whatever happens in the next few weeks is a life that hasn't been of my own free will. I know, I know, you'll say to me that I could have stopped at any time, but we both know mother wouldn't allow that."
Faron's strangely receptive, "I see where you're coming from…"
Sampson shouldn't be struggling with Atonement Day, especially not two years before he's supposed to be sent into the Games. There's a fragile woman strapped to a fence in front of him, and he's expected to kill her any minute.
He wants to apologize to her, tell her that whatever horrible thing she did, it wasn't a crime worthy of her life. Yet he knows that's wrong. He knows this woman deserves to die because she was a traitor to District Two, a rebel who could have ruined everything, could have left the country in flames and made the Long Dark come sooner than intended. If he kills her, he's saving her just as he's saving the entire country.
And really, he shouldn't be taking this personally since every Cadet in Two has to partake in this ritualistic killing every year. For once, this isn't about the Faith, even if they make Atonement Day out to be one of the most important days of the year almost every year, this isn't actually about them. A Patriarch did bless him the night before, as did he the other Cadets in the Faith, but that doesn't mean this kill is for them, it's for District Two even if he's going to hear a long spiel about how the Father is so proud of him as soon as he gets home, still this isn't for them.
…But does that mean it's for himself? No, it can't be, and the fact his hand's sweating around the handle of the crossbow is proof that this isn't for him. It's for Two, it has to be for Two! Even though there's so many people that could do this instead and he's been killing rebels since he was just eight, it's not for him because by gosh he does not enjoy it. He's hated it ever since Michael left and if he's being honest, he hated it before then. Sampson Santoro's comfortable with slaughter, but that doesn't by any means mean he likes it.
Pyros' Headmaster, Hyperion Price leads the event as he does every year, "Congratulations to all my lovely Cadets for making it through yet another glorious year of training," he doesn't know the half of it. He doesn't know that Sampson's been laying awake at night, unable to sleep because he's beginning to believe that his whole life's been a lie. Because much like how it doesn't matter to the Faith, it doesn't matter to Pyros how Sampson feels as long as he can kill.
"This is perhaps the most important day of the year, which is why I am so thrilled you've all joined us," Hyperion says it like they had some sort of choice in being here. If Sampson wasn't face to face with murder then he'd be expelled from Pyros and a disappointment to everybody. Calling it a choice is honestly laughable. And their victims certainly aren't thrilled either, their bodies trembling as they're forced to listen to propaganda during their last moments, only to eventually die at the hands of a literal child.
As much as the Faith tells me it is, there's no way for me to ever consider this fair… yet Sampson can't have doubts now. He can't have doubts, period. And with his crossbow pointed between the woman's eyes like he was taught to, he especially can't have doubts. This isn't about the Faith, remember? Why're you being so dramatic.
"You may bring about Atonement," Hyperion is far too gleeful as arrows begin piercing flesh. Sampson isn't the first to fire but he's not the last. Because being first would mean he's bloodthirsty, far too evil and vicious to be an Elect, but if he's last, that just means he's a coward.
Despite the fact he wants to, Sampson doesn't close his eyes when his arrow makes contact with the woman's skin, instead just nodding silently as she screams and falls to the ground.
Because this is what Sampson Santoro was born to do, and he can't pretend to have qualms about his destiny.
"I've had doubts myself," Right away, he appreciates Faron's honesty, "Funny right, especially when I was born into the Faith and your mother converted."
In attempt at joking, Sampson chuckles, "I don't think she could have doubts about it if she tried."
Faron sighs, "Well there's no zealot like a convert."
At times, Sampson wonders why the two of them are even together since they're just so starkly different. It's almost as if Faron was her key to entering the Faith and now that she's in she feels obliged to say with him. And then he's obliged to stay with her because an Elect getting a divorce would be a bad look, but that doesn't mean he's the happiest camper by any means still.
"You still believe though, right?" Sampson's always been curious since his father's clearly grown disillusioned with the Faith as of late. It's clear he's dedicated he just seems to be more and more frustrated with everything that happens, every ceremony leading him to come home in a bad mood, and in a way, Sampson relates to him to that extent.
Still, he knows his father would never leave the faith and well… it's not that Sampson wants to, but he sure's considered it on more than one occasion.
The Opus always said that women being with men is the only true law, and for the longest time, Sampson agreed. It's just natural like that, since the purpose of relationships is ultimately reproduction and Sampson couldn't do that with another man nor could two women. There wouldn't be a point between a relationship consisting of two people who share the same gender, it's what he's been taught and it's what he believes. And it's not a problem that Sampson's never looked at a girl and thought of spending the rest of his life with her because he's never looked at anybody like that. The important thing is he's never looked at a man like that.
That all changes at seventeen when Sampson catches a glimpse of Catamitus Calamity as he's getting out of the shower.
To the rest of Two, same-gender relationships aren't much of a taboo, and as disgusted as Sampson's previously been by the fact Cat's slept with over half the boys in their class, he seems to be the only one of that opinion. Last he heard, Cat was kissing Michael in the corridor and that certainly awoke some sort of feeling in Sampson's stomach… but that had to have been disgust, couldn't have been jealousy.
Yet when Catamitus' drying his long and curly hair, he realizes that it was indeed jealousy, and well, he's terrified.
But it's not like Sampson could talk to Cat, because people would see and then rumor would get out that the Faith's finest young Elect was… intensely perceiving the male figure and was open to perceiving it more intimately. And Cat's out of Sampson's non-existent league anyways. At the same time though… he's left him questioning everything yet again. If the Father says that two men loving one another is a sin then why am I the most alive I've felt in years as I watch him get dressed? It's without a doubt, the closest Sampson's felt in a long time to feeling the light consume him, yet he knows if he acted on it he'd be first to go when the Long Dark finally arrives.
Not to mention, his parents would disown him and he'd be made homeless over a man who clearly has commitment issues, that's just not worth it. But still, Sampson's left wondering so much when Catamitus leaves the room. Mainly the usual, was everything I'd been taught wrong? Because Cat's one of the happiest people Sampson's ever seen yet he's only loved other men. The Faith would label him a sinner and the epitome of darkness yet it's so clear that all he does is radiate joy and light. And apparently that doesn't matter to the Father because people were made to serve him, and all their pleasure should be derived from that, not kissing other boys.
He's overthinking this, he shouldn't be. Sampson just hasn't come around yet, but he will eventually. He'll meet a nice girl from the Faith, some of them are pretty after all, and they'll have an abundance of kids who all follow the Father just as they have their entire lives.
Not a big deal, nope not at all… even if Sampson catches himself timing his future showers with Catamitus'.
Their conversation is interrupted with a knock on the door. A knock that doesn't matter since Elisia barged into the study anyways, "What are you boys doing?"
As if that's not obvious by the solemn expressions on the two of them's faces, Faron replies, "I'm just offering our Sampson some blessings before he leaves tomorrow."
Really, their relationship's always been a mess like this, lies and miscommunications abundant and while it goes against the Faith even if they don't realize, Sampson appreciates it this time, because he does not need his mother invading what could be his final solo conversation with his father. No, not at all.
"Why wasn't I included," Sampson can't tell if she's genuinely offended, "You know, just because I converted to the Faith doesn't mean I'm not a real member and can't hear your blessings."
"Trust me, I know you're a real member," Faron mutters with sarcasm, "I just wanted to have a talk with him, you know, man to man?"
This is one of the few times that the Faith's strict gender roles actually serve to be advantageous, as Elisia walks away immediately, "I understand. Just know I only what what's best for you."
In the months leading up to the 94th Games, Sampson finds his relationship with his mother wearing more and more. And that's actually pretty ironic considering this should be when she's trying her best to appease him since he's at risk of dying, but alas, Elisia Santoro's never been one for logic.
He comes home late from Pyros again, not because he was doing additional training or anything, in reality he just sat alone in a hallway to avoid having to go to worship, and of course, that's something Elisia finds important to point out, "You weren't there today," she says, her arms crossed, "I feel like you hardly attend worship these days."
She makes a fair point, since Sampson's been avoiding it like the plague, only going when absolutely forced, because in reality, every time he goes to a worship ceremony, he's just left feeling more and more confused about everything. Which is his own fault, he must not be listening to the Patriachs' teachings close enough, clearly something's missing. All they talk about is how the Faith's full of life and hope and light, yet… Sampson sees none of it in his daily light, just corruption and confusion and the fear he'll someday be forgotten. Maybe all the talk about light is just a metaphor for what's dark?
"I was training," He's brief with his response to her, "The tournament is soon, I have to be ready."
"The Father's on your side, you were born ready," His mother chides, Sampson unable to take her seriously, "And because he's on your side, you don't need to miss hearing his teachings to prepare for something you already have in the bag."
If only she could see how ridiculous she sounded, Born ready, please, I've trained my whole life for this, no spirit could prepare me for this, I'm doing it myself… but maybe the Father helped him somehow. If it wasn't for the father then he wouldn't be enrolled in Pyros in the first place. Gosh, he's just getting ahead of himself as he always does and he's going to disappoint his mother again, and as much as he says he doesn't care, he does care that she hardly loves him anymore, makes him feel disgusting and replaceable, he cares too much for his own good.
"I'll come next time," Sampson already knows he's lying, the idea of going to worship is already making him feel slightly sick, "I promise, mother."
She doesn't buy it because of course she doesn't, "You're making bad choices son, not going to worship when you really should. You should be better by now, there's no excuse when you've learned so much over the years, you should learn to apply your lessons to reality better."
He tries to get a word in yet she continues, "I've taken all my lessons from the Patriarch to heart and I'm a better person because of it. I'm just devastated honestly that you aren't the same, and I'm even beginning to question why the Father chose you and not any of the other more devout followers, like myself. But you'll be fine, just do it your way."
Sampson has to physically stop himself from rolling his eyes at her, "I'm doing my best, I promise."
If only he actually knew what he meant when he said he was doing his best.
Faron continues as soon as Elisia closes the door, "As I was saying, I think the Faith has become too preoccupied with status and competition, and has lost their true foundations, which are as you know, fighting diligently to make the world a better place."
He agrees with his father, "So like me going into the Games to grow our influence?"
"Precisely," Faron grins, "While I know you'll do great in the Games and I do sincerely believe you can win, I just think sometimes it's top correlated to the Faith, your Games experience that is. You should be fighting in the Games for yourself, not for our Faith, especially now that they've grown so… rigid."
"Meaning?" Sampson asks, eyes wide.
"Rules should be up for interpretation and the Faith doesn't acknowledge that, I feel," His expression turns solemn, "I believe Father will get us out of this, I'm just frustrated, as is common with time."
With just two other boys standing atop Mount Brutus for the selection tournament, Sampson wishes he could say he was more nervous than he actually is. Because he's come this far, and the Games are just weeks away. He's endured so much in his eighteen year that in all honesty, making it to the Games shouldn't be the issue. It'll be surviving that's the issue, but he doesn't need to worry about that now.
Now, Sampson needs to focus on who's in front of him, Ryder Gabor from Vesuvia who's foolhardily waving his sword in the air. It may not be a real weapon, but the way Ryder's swinging it, it might as well be. Despite the fact it's rubber, Sampson's javelin still makes an audible impact when it hit's his chest.
"Please, you think you're better than me," Ryder scoffs, and Sampson doesn't reply because he knows that he's better. If there's ever a moment for him to embrace the whole "chosen one" schtick, this is it.
Gerard Montgomery from Leon Academy gets in the middle of them in an attempt to make his own attack, but Ryder grabs at his leg and sends him to the ground, everyone in the stands cheering for him.
Yet he gets up, so Sampson does everything in his power to get him back on the ground, not noticing that Ryder's now trying to push him too. He wraps his arm behind his back to swing at him, the boy groaning in pain as Gerard continues to be crushed until an announcement rings, "Gerard Montgomery of Leon is out. Two remain."
Sampson looks Ryder in the eye and with all the power the Father's apparently invested in him, he takes a swing with his own sword, colliding with his side yet it's not enough which means Sampson has to play dirty. He takes one look at the thick material coating his boots before lifting his left leg at Ryder's stomach, a gulp preceding his crash against the dirty.
He wishes he could say he was shocked when the announced declared him victorious, but really, this was what's supposed to happen. It's just a matter of letting the real work begin.
Sampson steps out of the ring to see a muscular woman with her hair in braids, "Melvina Parrish, I'm from Vesuvia."
"Sampson Santoro, Pyros," He's polite with her, and succinct, nothing more, nothing less, "I assume we'll be working together."
"Precisely," She extends her hand which Sampson shakes, "We've got our work cut out for us… Sammy, I'll call you that. Not sure how much you follow the other Districts but rumor has it the two top girls from One, Aoi and St. Cabernet are both horrific. The boy, Tarro should be fine. Varsenova and Laravel from Three should be fine, same with Thallassa and Amphorae of Four. I just think we should keep an eye out for One."
He's never had time to pay attention to the other Districts but he pretends he does for Melvina's sake, "Roger that, I look forwards to working with you."
"I understand you," Sampson adresses his father and then looks at the clock to see an entire hour's nearly gone by, "But at the same time, I really should be sleeping, shouldn't I?"
Faron looks up the same way, "Oh… yes, wow I'm sorry, let me take you back to your room."
As Sampson sits on his bed one possibly final time with his father at his side, he can't help but feel just as uneasy as he's felt for the past few years, "Thank you for the talk, I love you."
Because no matter what happens, Sampson Santoro will always be confused, always lost in the world he was destined to succeed in. When he closes his eyes, he's not sure what he sees and he's not sure if it's something he wants to see. Because he just feels so… replicable, and so confused as to why he allowed himself into this mess of a world to begin with.
But one thing he does know, is that if he wins, the Faith is about to change for eternity. He'll eliminate the darkness, but only if it's on his own terms.
HEAVEN by Troye Sivan
Okay so yeah, it's been another month but it's not my fault this time. Blame Optimisms, please and thank you. Anyways, Sampson! I wrote this in two sittings and it's the second longest into thus far so I don't know what happened either. I hope you like him though, and I'm sorry if it was confusing in some parts. I had fun and that's what matters.
Anyways, Claris will be here sooner, because I actually know what I'm doing.
Fuck the Faith, I'm out,
Linds
