Oh look at that! A TW who is shocked? Um this one is for vague suicidal thoughts and implied verbal abuse! Pog!
X. THE PERFECT DAUGHTER
I'm a dynasty
The pain in my vein is hereditary
Dynasty
Running in my bloodstream, my bloodstream
Dynasty
And if that's all that I'm gonna be
Won't you break the chain with me
CORDELIA THALASSA
DISTRICT FOUR
Maybe she should be more emotional at her sister's funeral, but Cordelia can't bring herself to cry more than a few tears.
… She was so intelligent.
… She was so spirited.
… She was so emotional.
Nobody really knows what to say about Adrian Thalassa that day, probably because her death was an accident nobody saw coming. She was such a good swimmer, that was another thing people would praise Adrian for, Good swimmers don't just drown...
But Cordelia swears, it was an accident that she's here and her twin isn't. Not many questions were asked on the matter, but if they were she would have answered as follows:
"I was taking a swim, getting away from the crowd at the party… or at least that's what I wanted to do. It was what I wanted to do until I walked through the sands and glanced at the waters to see Adrian's body bobbing in the tides. I couldn't do anything… she was already gone."
She's always considered herself distant from Adrian, never two pieces of the same puzzle or peas in a pod, no none of that bullshit. Just because she was born to be her "other half," didn't mean that putting them together made anything more whole... Not that it matters now— she's dead, it doesn't matter now. It seems mourning and introspection can't go hand-in-hand around these parts.
Not many people showed up to the burial ceremony, just Cordelia, her mother Ariel, father Chastin and some of the other ensigns from the Surf, none of the usual entourage for major life events like these. She'd heard her mother say something along the lines of, "We don't need to make a big commotion over all of this, you know with the Games so soon."
The Games. Cordelia can't help but pity the thought of her parents having to bury a second child in just a few months. Not that I want that to happen… not that it should happen. Life's just… ironic like that, she supposes. It would be, yeah… ironic… if she were to join her twin in a cloud amongst the cosmos so soon after they were torn into separate stratospheres for a presumably long time.
Though part of her does wonder if her possible yet preventable future funeral would have the same… almost numb energy to it. Part of her wonders if the reason Adrian's farewell to the world is so low-key is because all the fancy arrangements are being saved for her own… Wow, Cordelia… thinking of yourself at your sister's funeral… no wonder she always called you so stuck-up. No wonder she always called you so prideful.
Cordelia exhales, because she's stood behind a pedestal in what will surely be a pathetic venture in reflecting on the life of the stranger who lived across the hallway from her. Just meters away in physical distance, but millions of worlds apart in their hearts, "My sister Adrian was a complicated person."
She blinks, I don't sound genuine enough… Okay pull it together, this is a funeral and you're supposed to be more sad. Maybe if she blinks again, and faster this time then more tears will fall and she'll look socially acceptable, not like somebody so out-of-place.
"That doesn't mean I didn't love her," Cordelia raises her voice in hopes her energy will follow, "We had our differences, our quarrels over the years, that's for sure, and while there was for sure… a part of me that didn't quite understand all her oddities, looking back at it she was certainly charming."
Everything that leaves her mouth next is the verbal representation of throw-up, which is thankfully justified by her father saying, "Cordelia's been having some trouble mourning," at the conclusion of her clusterfuckery.
Having some trouble, huh? If that's not the biggest understatement I've ever heard. Because no, Cordelia can't say she ever truly knew her sister, and maybe if she were still alive she still would never know her, but now she's without the chance or opportunity.
She doesn't dare look inside the open casket as she makes her way back to her seat, even if she wonders what Adrian looks like in there, flowers probably on her eyes matching one of those frilly dresses she always liked to wear. Cordelia doesn't want to look at it… she can't look at it because it was bad enough seeing her sister like that when she first discovered the body and there's no need for her to relive the trauma.
And so, as her father begins his own words for the daughter she swears he never actually loved, Cordelia simply closes her eyes, Maybe it'll end quicker this way… Maybe we'll get to go back to normal quicker…
Because truth be told, Cordelia's life is just the same, sister or not.
But it wasn't always that way.
Cordelia remembers when they were just children and their father would take them out on runs nearly every morning, an enthusiastic tone in his voice whenever he says, "You know what time it is girls, now don't you?"
Adrian was a lot less quiet then, laughing as she ran down the spiral staircase in their family home right on the waterfront, almost so fast she'd trip on the edge of her skirt from time to time. That's a struggle Cordelia's never had herself, choosing to wear the baggy shorts father chose as opposed to all the elegant fabrics pulled from mother's closet.
Still the two of them had fun together, "Last one out the door is a rotten egg!" Cordelia calls and runs after her sister, passing her and posing on their porch with pride, "You know, you'd probably be able to outrun me if you weren't wearing that long skirt."
Her remark leaves a rather sour expression on Adrian's face, "But I like my skirt!"
Approaching from behind, their father reprimands her just the same, "Your sister makes a good point, Adrian. I'm sure you know what I'm about to tell you…"
Even though she's hardly five years old, Cordelia knows what's coming next, Chastin's semi-passive tirade on how he expects his daughters to be strong, to be warriors just as he was in his youth, and it doesn't matter that they're girls, they're still expected to be strong.
"Can't I be strong in my skirt?" She retaliates and crosses her right leg over her left to send herself into a spin, "What do you think, Cordelia?"
She's wise enough to know not to come between family quarrels, but the disgruntled expression on her sister's face speaks louder than words. Cordelia knows the weight their relationship was created to have, two halves of a whole and two peas in a pod, so a part of her feels obliged to defend her. Yet, her father seems so peeved, so annoyed and bothered by it all and even if it's small in the grand scheme of the world, this decision-making is far too much of a weight on her shoulders.
Her father pleads with her, "Cordelia… it's idiotic for your sister to try to run in a skirt when she would be much faster in shorts. You said it yourself; I heard you. She'll be stronger if she runs in her shorts," and then he rolls his eyes and mutters under his breath, "I've got to tell Ariel to stop buying her this crap," but Cordelia doesn't hear that part.
She glances at Adrian, delicate as the flowers she would often press in her bedroom and as docile as a lady meant for a throne, and then to her still livid father. Her father that will continue to be livid if she doesn't say something, "Look… it's not that you can't be strong in a skirt, Adrian. It's just that wearing shorts will make you stronger."
Chastin nods his head with pride, "That's what I thought, now please go upstairs and change into clothes more suitable for running."
Cordelia tries to whisper an apology to her sister, but she's nearly positive it goes unheard, yet even then she's not sure if she should be feeling any sort of guilt. I'm just doing what's best for her, and as a result that's doing what's best for the entire family.
It's been drilled in her head time and time again, "The Thalassa family sticks together no matter how grey and stormy the weather," yet Cordelia begins to wonder why they don't seem to tolerate Adrian's glorious sunsets and painted skies.
It's not a big deal, She shrugs her shoulders, It's never really a big deal.
By the time she's reached ten years of age, it's almost like Cordelia doesn't have a twin sister at all. Well… she does see Adrian every night and they occasionally chat before bed, but that's pretty much the extent of their relationship.
Cordelia finds that she doesn't particularly mind the disconnect, because well… she's just so busy doing other things that Adrian's never really at the top of her priorities. It seems that Adrian doesn't really mind not having the spotlight, thankfully. Her subdued nature lends itself well to the shadow.
She wishes she could do more, she really does, yet Adrian's distanced herself time and time again and really Cordelia just feels stuck, which she shouldn't feel. It's not like they're five and they're spinning around in dresses anymore, they're nearly in their teenage years and they should be able to take care of themselves without help from the other. Because she's never quite asked for help, Cordelia feels no moral obligations to the sole support for her sister.
Though it's not like Adrian needs help or anything, she's having a great time reading books by the pool with mother while Cordelia takes her runs on the shores with father… right?
And she has her own friends… who may be a bit too prissy and primp for Cordelia's taste but that's fine since at least her sister's been able to establish a niche little community for herself to be cared for in.
The better parts of her days are spent at the Surf now, laughing and playing after hard times at school where she couldn't quite get out all her nervous energy, since they don't like all her strength and vigorous pride the way father does.
She toys around with a spear, hardly noticing Adrian and whatever she's doing, and she relishes the strength she feels with the weapon in her hands. She's getting strong just like how father wanted, and all the other kids are staring at her and praising her for it, in a way her sister always seemed to be judgemental of.
"Do it again!" A boy named Talquin calls with his feet crossed on the ground underneath him after Cordelia's yet again successfully throws her spear at the target, "Throw it again!"
Cordelia winks at him, then makes a small giggle before positioning herself and the weapon in front of a target. She's strong, just like how father's told her to be, and when the tip collides with the wall and all the other children clap, she knows how proud he'll be of her.
The world is quick on it's way to becoming her oyster, and it's just a matter of getting there, which isn't hard when so many people are eager to support her. She's not quite sure what her ultimate goal to it all is, besides of course earning Chastin's respect and admiration, but she's fine traveling the way the waves take her.
She's fine because she doesn't see the hurt her sister feels in the corner.
At the age of twelve, Cordelia's sleep is interrupted one night by the sounds of tapping on her door. Confused at first, she carefully tiptoes out of her bed to inspect the noise, carefully twisting the handle to reveal her sister hunched over with tears in her eyes.
She feels many things; confused, concerned, helpless… because she hasn't seen her sister cry like this in months, years even and she really thought Adrian was fine… but she's not fine and Cordelia's becoming aware of it now.
Her sister throws the back of her head against the mattress and sighs, "It's pointless…"
Distressed, Cordelia pushes for more information, "What's pointless? You seemed to be having a good day at the Surf today? Did anything happen?" There's not much she can do to help without knowing the details, and really Adrian seemed to be having the grandest of times as of late, swimming like mad and having a ball day in and day out.
"Father… he happened," She rolls her eyes and covers her face with her hands, "I just… can't live with him anymore."
She's always loved her father, her strongest supporter and biggest believer throughout the years so she doesn't quite get the way Adrian demonizes him. Sure, they've had their differences and their struggles but the way she sees it, she's just different, and needs an extra push to be strong the way Cordelia is. It's not a bad thing, just an objective statement that the two Thalassa sisters are so terribly far from the same.
"What did he do?" Cordelia asks, dangling her hand in Adrian's hair and sighing, "You can tell me anything, I hope you know that."
As is typical when it's just the two of them… silence.
"You'll never get it," Adrian sharply exhales and springs up from the bed, leaving Cordelia to chase her out of the bedroom in hopes of trying to talk to her again but by the time she's reached her bedroom, the door is locked and shut… Did I do the wrong thing here? She doesn't know anymore, especially when her sister's involved.
Maybe it's not her battle to fight… Maybe she should just… let Adrian and all her building anger wash over with the tides.
After all, how's Cordelia to solve a problem she doesn't even know the extent of?
She seems to fit the role of being popular well, so much so that she nearly forgets the battles going on at home between Adrian and father. She's sixteen now, and nearly all of Cordelia's time is spent at the Surf, and maybe that's for the best because she doesn't need to hear the misery of the world around her, no she can just be at peace in her own little universe of love and admiration.
They've been talking about it more and more now, saying that they think it'll be her who represents Four in the 94th Annual Hunger Games, and she has to admit it's a prospect she's quite excited for. Natural progression, right? First the Surf, then Four, then all of Panem calling for her, loving her and all she is.
(Loving her in a way Adrian's too selfish to.)
But why should Adrian matter now? They're separate people, not the same, never the same. Why's she got to be so oddly attached to the girl who lives in her shadows when she really shouldn't be. Adrian doesn't give a damn about Cordelia, so she should just quit while she's ahead and try and lose all hopes that they'll ever forge any sort of a connection.
She's always got the feeling that Adrian's begging to be saved, but to be honest Cordelia's unsure if that's her job anymore.
Danube Amphorae who's rumored to volunteer alongside her's quickly enroute to becoming a friend of hers. They're who Cordelia should be focusing on, not her sister who's not going to do a thing when it comes to her life or her death in the arena, no Adrian won't be able to help her but Danube could.
"You really think it'll be us?" They say one day as the two of them sit on the side of a pier after another jog together, "You and me, in the arena?"
It all seems to be happening so fast, and even if it'll only get quicker in the next two years, one's own death is a lot to cope with. She's always tried to humble herself if she can, but perhaps a situation where she's willingly throwing herself into a murder pageant isn't the best time for it. She shouldn't go into that arena with the expectation to die if she's really going to go through with it all.
"I don't know who else it would be," Cordelia shrugs with honesty, "The two of us continue to perform best compared to everybody else in our class."
They sigh, tired from the long day, "It could be your sister, you know? She's pretty good at swimming, which we do tend to value here at Four."
Oh heavens no… not her… never her. She loves Adrian, no matter how many times she repeats it she loves Adrian. But Adrian's not a victor, not a volunteer the same way Cordelia is. Cordelia who's been working long and hard at this prospect and not willing to back down to somebody who just seems… unmotivated. It can't be Adrian, it can never be Adrian on that stage instead of her.
Just the idea of Adrian volunteering is enough to make Cordelia want that position more and more, "I really don't think so." There's a clear panic in her voice, intense enough to set Danube off a tad.
"That's cool too then," They've always been so calm, which is nice in comparison to Cordelia's budding aggression, "It was just a thought I had, but I agree Adrian's not really at your skill level. What's she like though? She seems sweet?"
"I really can't say I know her that well," Cordelia bows her head when she reveals her unfortunate truth.
She'll never quite understand why Adrian continues to be so jealous of her, and by the time she's reached seventeen it's begun to grate on Cordelia. She doesn't want to be rude to her sister, yet she can't help but feel that she hates her for existing which is what leads to a confrontation at the breakfast table after their parents have left.
"You're allowed to openly tell me that you hate me," She cuts straight to the chase, knowing that otherwise Adrian will mince her words and they'll never have an actually productive conversation about it all, "I don't know why you would hate me, but you're welcome to at least be open with it."
I've done nothing wrong to her. I'll continue to never do a thing wrong to her for as long as I live. Why's she got to hate me for just enjoying and embracing the differences that we have? Cordelia scrapes at the remnants of the food on her plate with nervous energy, "Unless you don't hate me…"
Adrian rolls her eyes, "I could never hate you, Cordelia. You're my sister, after all."
She doesn't believe her sister for a second, "Then how come you keep screaming and pouting whenever I do something right and you do the exact same thing wrong. We're both trying our best and the actual results shouldn't be an indicator of our progress."
It's bullshit she's speaking. Of course actual results are the only way to show that Cordelia's indeed the superior twin, the one who's going to volunteer since Adrian's not ever going to be as good as her… not that it should matter. The Games aren't everything, or they are to her since they'll allow her to make father proud, but they don't need to be everything to Adrian too.
"You're just saying that to me because you know you're better than me, and you don't even want me to try," She scoffs in return, "Have you ever considered that maybe I want to make people proud too? That's why you're doing this all, right? For praise from father. He already loves you, Cordelia. Maybe I want him to love me too."
She's… not entirely incorrect, Cordelia must admit it. But still, still she deems her sister selfish, for continuing to try when she knows that she's not actually going to succeed, just going to make a fool out of herself again and again because that's practically all she knows how to do. Adrian's never been the winner out of the two of them and it's bold of her to think that'll suddenly change now that everything important is on the line. Cordelia's had every win the family had to offer, and that just makes this one even more necessary… Father's always wanted a strong and mighty child, one who's fierce like a boy not docile like a girl, and Cordelia knows he would flip if the gentle daughter came up on top.
"So be it then," Cordelia crosses her arms and steps out of her chair, "Just don't be all butthurt when I'm chosen and you realize how ridiculous you're sounding."
Immediately after, she feels awful for what she's said but she knows it's too late.
It's the best day of Cordelia's life when she's chosen.
Sailor Cruise, one of Four's mighty victors, somebody she'll soon join herself is standing by the water with Danube by his side. It was no shock that Danube was chosen to compete, just as it'll be no shock when Cordelia's name is called in just a few moments.
All day people have been complimenting and praising her for all her effort she's put in at the surf over the years, and this grand culmination of everything brilliant she's done is just thrilling. All my hard work's paying off… and I'll finally prove to father just how proud he should be.
She's wearing a brand new blue button up shirt and her hair's neat in a bun as she sits with the confidence of any expected volunteer, waiting for the obvious news of her success.
"The competition for our Female Tribute was rather tough this year," Sailor begins, and Cordelia's a smidge more nervous than she wishes she was, "But ultimately our choice was obvious after lots of careful consideration. From all of us here at the Surf, it is a great honor to announce that we've chosen no other than…"
Her heart goes pitter-patter when it has no reason to because it was always going to be… "Cordelia Thalassa!"
She sighs in relief before walking to the stage to accept her dreams.
(She never sees her sister.)
When she hears her sister screaming through the hall in the middle of the party, her party, Cordelia begins to panic— of course, of course she's embarrassing herself here and now. She's embarrassing the whole family and now we're going to be seen as a wreck and a mess.
Because Adrian's wails are loud and clear as she goes on a stampede out the door, and Cordelia's already so embarrassed at the person who's supposed to be a valuable member of their family yet instead's playing the fool and demanding the attention all for herself.
How are they going to bullshit their way out of this? Cordelia and her parents will just have to say that Adrian wanted to go outside and go swimming or something, because she was in a bad mood… yes classic Adrian and all of her bad moods.
Her father whispers by her side, "Take care of your sister."
She has the weight of the entire family on her shoulders. She has to prove herself worthy of such a title. Today's supposed to be her day yet even now Adrian can't give her that basic respect, has to make a scene now of all times.
Cordelia wants to understand the pain she's so clearly in, the way she's been consumed by the shadows she's had no choice but to lie in, yet at the end of the day she feels to see any attempt of her sister trying to get out of the mess of a life she created for herself.
She's in pain. She's in so much pain and Cordelia will never fully understand why… but now out of the house she goes out onto the beach in a pitiful attempt to save her sister from the mess she created all by herself.
It was a strangely poetic image, Adrian Thalassa in a torn pink dress entering the water step by step, inch by inch, and it takes Cordelia a few seconds too long to realize… She's… no, she can't be! Is she… trying to kill herself? Adrian?
Her skin's pale and her breaths are heavy enough to be heard over the lapping of the waves in front of her, and the severity of it all's beginning to sink in— Did I cause all of this? Oh lord… I did, didn't I? I'm the reason she's hurting, I could've done something more. I could've fixed this! Why didn't I fix this? Why was my head so stuck in a fantasy that I failed to recognize my sister's tragic reality?
No… this can't be happening. Adrian can't seriously be doing this to herself and if she is… It's not my fault, it's not my fault, it's not my fault! How was she supposed to know the extent of her sister's pain if she kept it hidden up her sleeves so well? How was she supposed to know it would end like this?
No! No! It can't end like this!
Nearly tripping, Cordelia runs into the water following her sister, trying to give her a hug and pull her back to the shores so they can talk… They can talk and they can fix it and everything will be fine. Everything will be fine. There won't be clouds over the Thalassa name, and they'll be in harmony once more like when they were younger.
It can't end like this.
"Adrian."
She has to be her sister's hero now, the one father told her and trained her to be for so long. She has to save her sister from herself, because maybe that's the purpose to whatever clusterfuck her life's on the brink of becoming.
"Cordelia!"
It's a blood-curdling scream that leaves Adrian's lips when she turns around, and Cordelia hardly recognizes the seemingly feral look on her face, the chaos and the menace in her eyes, all pointed at her— Maybe I should get out of here… Maybe I should leave…
No. She has to protect her, has to save her because if she doesn't then Adrian's going to drown in this ocean and maybe it'll be her fault after all this time.
She takes a deep breath and attempts to walk closer to her sister but she's stopped by a sharp pain under the water by the right side of her rib.
It takes a moment for Cordelia to process it.
It takes far too long for Cordelia to see the crimson tainting the water beside her.
She tries to say something… because it's Adrian who's doing something. Adrian who's doing… what exactly? Adrian who's somehow at the forefront of her life for once and it's happening now because—
Cordelia feels her cold hands wrapped around her throat as she kicks her feet, desperate to get her sister off her because her sister… she's… Why is she killing me? She can't be killing me!
When her head submerges beneath the sea, her vision begins to grow blurry, just the faint view of Adrian laughing beneath the tints of the water, laughing because…
(She doesn't know that she'll be gone soon.)
(…She'll never truly be gone.)
It's the worst day of Adrian's life when she's chosen.
Sailor Cruise, one of Four's mighty victors, somebody she was an actual fool to think she'd ever compare to, is standing by the water with Danube by his side. It's no shock that they were chosen to compete, but as silly as it sounds, Adrian's hoping there will be a shock when her own name is called and not her sister's in just a few moments.
All day she's been ignored though, people only talking to her when they want to know where Cordelia is so they can dote on her instead for all the effort she's put in at the Surf over the years, all the effort that Adrian put in just the same without going noticed, and she's seething. I just hope all my hard work actually has a chance at paying off… and I'll finally prove to father that I'm worth a damn.
She's wearing a brand new pink dress and her hairs draped over her shoulders as she sits a bundle of nerves, waiting for the hopeful yet unlikely news of her success.
"The competition for our Female Tribute was rather tough this year," Sailor begins, and Adrian's a smidge more calm than she wishes she was, maybe because she knows deep down what's coming next,"But ultimately our choice was obvious after lots of careful consideration. From all of us here at the Surf, it is a great honor to announce that we've chosen no other than…"
Her heart goes pitter-patter when it has no reason to because it was always going to be… "Cordelia Thalassa!"
She bows her head in despair so she doesn't have to watch her sister steal her dreams from her.
(Cordelia never acknowledges her that afternoon.)
She'll never quite understand why Cordelia continues to bask in the oh-so-obvious pain she feels, and by the time she's reached seventeen it's begun to grate on her own soul. She doesn't want to be rude to her sister, yet she can't help but feel that she hates her for existing which is what leads to a confrontation at the breakfast table after their parents have left.
"You're allowed to openly tell me that you hate me," It's unexpected, but Cordelia cuts straight to the chase, knowing that otherwise Adrian will mince her words and they'll never have an actually productive conversation about it all, "I don't know why you would hate me, but you're welcome to at least be open with it."
Isn't it obvious? I hate you because you're everything that I'll never be. You're all of my potential taken from me and turned up to be a thousand times better. The real question is why you hate me instead of supporting me through it all and embracing all our differences. Adrian watches her sister scrape at her plate, a bundle of nerves as she whispers, "Unless you don't hate me…."
I wish I didn't hate you. I want nothing more than to not hate you but that's only possible if I become you and you're the one thing I'll never be. Adrian rolls her eyes, "I could never hate you, Cordelia. You're my sister, after all."
It's clear Cordelia doesn't believe her sister for a second, "Then how come you keep screaming and pouting whenever I do something right and you do the exact same thing wrong. We're both trying our best and the actual results shouldn't be an indicator of our progress."
She can't stand the lies she's spewing. Obviously results are everything, as they show again and again that Cordelia's indeed the superior twin and Adrian's just a rat dead on the ground in comparison who's never going to be good enough and she's fucking dumb for still trying despite it all since she's not worth it, she'll never be worth it to them and the numbers on the wall are proof. The Games have slowly become everything to her, because maybe they'll allow her to prove father wrong, show him that she's just as good, if not better than Cordelia without being his perfect clone. They're all Adrian has to prove she's not just a pile of dust collecting on the edge of her sister's throne.
"You're just saying that to me because you know you're better than me, and you don't even want me to try," She bickers in return, so caustic and displeased with her sister's audacity, "Have you ever considered that maybe I want to make people proud too? That's why you're doing this all, right? For praise from father. He already loves you, Cordelia. Maybe I want him to love me too."
What she says is true, and Cordelia's selfish for continuing to try and win the volunteer spot when she doesn't need it. She doesn't have anybody to prove wrong, anybody to show her worth to because she's already proven to everybody that she's worth the world. In fact, if she died she'd be just making a fool out of herself, but even if Adrian just lasted a few days it would be more than Cordelia ever did. It's bold of her to think that the family'll change if she's the one in the Games and not Adrian, because the family so desperately needs change and Cordelia doesn't have the guts to admit it. Sure, Cordelia may be the best the family has to offer on paper, but Adrian's differences make her win more necessary…Father's always wanted a strong and mighty child, one who's fierce like a boy not docile like a girl, and Adrian's more than willing to kill to see the look on his face when the gentle daughter comes up on top.
"So be it then," Cordelia crosses her arms and steps out of her chair, "Just don't be all butthurt when I'm chosen and you realize how ridiculous you're sounding."
Immediately after, Adrian cries to herself. She knows that Cordelia doesn't feel bad, because much like father, she's nothing to her but scum.
She seems to fit the role of being an outcast well, so much so that she's almost completely consumed by the battles going on at home between herself and father. She's sixteen now, and nearly all of Adrian's time is spent at the Surf, and maybe that's for the best because she doesn't need to hear the misery of the world around her, the chaos that surrounds her life without any resistance, no she can find her home in the seas instead.
But they've been talking about it more and more now, saying that they think it'll be Cordelia who represents Four in the 94th Annual Hunger Games, and she has to admit it's a prospect she absolutely loathes even if it's a natural progression, right? First the Surf, then Four, then all of Panem calling for Cordelia, loving her and all she is.
(Loving her for all that Adrian isn't.)
But why should Cordelia matter now? They're separate people, not the same, never the same. Why's she got to be so oddly jealous and bitter towards the girl who lives in her spotlight when she really shouldn't be. Cordelia doesn't give a damn about Adrian, so she should just quit while she's ahead and try and lose all hopes that they'll ever forge any sort of a connection, some sort of an agreement between the two of them that would lead to even the smallest semblance of peace.
She's always got the feeling that she's subconsciously begging to be saved, but to be honest Adrian's unsure of whose job it is, if anybody's.
Danube Amphorae who's rumored to volunteer alongside Cordelia's quickly enroute to becoming a friend of hers. Fitting, since they're who Cordelia should really be focusing on, not Adrian who's not going to do a thing for her in the arena. No, if it's Cordelia who's in an arena of death, it'll be Danube who helps to get her out.
"You really think it'll be us?" They're oddly outgoing, which Adrian realizes when they sit beside her one day as the sun begins to set, "Your sister and I, in the arena?
It all seems to be happening so fast, and even if it'll only get quicker in the next two years, the death of her biggest external nightmare is a lot to cope with. She's always tried to think in a light that casts her as a good person when she can, so perhaps a situation where she's always secretly hoping her sister won't reach the furthest extent of her glory isn't the best time for it, especially when death is involved. Just because Cordelia's tormented her for years doesn't mean she deserves to die.
"I don't know who else it would be," Adrian shrugs with honesty, "The two of you continue to perform best compared to everybody else in our class."
They sigh, likely tired from the long day, "Well, it could be your sister, you know? You're pretty good at swimming, which we do tend to value here at Four."
Oh heavens no… not her… never her. She's not good enough, she repeats it again and again that she'll never be good enough. She's not a victor, not a volunteer the same way Cordelia is. Cordelia who's been getting all the attention that she probably deserves at this point, and by all means she shouldn't back down to her sister of all people. But it won't be Adrian, it can never be Adrian on that stage instead of her if the world really works the way it's fabled to.
But the reminder of the idea of Cordelia volunteering is enough to make Adrian want that position just a little bit… but she can't. She knows she can't, "I really don't think so." There's a clear sadness in her voice, somber enough to set Danube off a tad.
"That's cool too then," They've always been so calm, probably making them absolutely perfect for Cordelia when push comes to shove, "It was just a thought I had, but sure maybe I'm just being an idiot. I've just always thought you had somewhat equal yet different skill sets. It's nice to see you supporting your sister though. Do you like her?
"I really can't say I know her that well," Adrian bows her head when she reveals her unfortunate truth.
At the age of twelve, Adrian dares interrupt her perfect muse of a sister's night of sleep with the sounds of tapping on the door. She can hardly think through her own tears, not cognizant enough to hear Cordelia's footsteps, and that leads her to shudder when she sees the confused look on sister's face.
She feels many things; hurt, disconnected, helpless… because she hasn't cried in front of her sister like this in months, years even and maybe Cordelia's thought that she was fine after all this time. Maybe Cordelia doesn't realize how utterly miserable life is when you're Adrian Thalassa, and maybe it's time she became aware.
She throws the back of her head against the mattress, which is for the record more comfortable and probably more expensive than her own and sighs, "It's pointless…"
Uninspired, Cordelia pushes for more information, "What's pointless? You seemed to be having a good day at the Surf today? Did anything happen?" Adrian's frustrated that she can't see the pain in her eyes and her heart even when it's right in front of her. How can she be so stuck in her own perfect world that the sounds of her screaming and father's roars are nothing but white-noise to her?
"Father… he happened," She rolls her eyes and covers her face with her hands, "I just… can't live with him anymore."
She wishes she could say she's always loved her father, but he represents disbelief and distrust, has for years and she doesn't quite get the way Cordelia sees him as an angel. It would be easy to dismiss her pitiful words as typical father-daughter differences and struggles, but the way she sees it, no matter what skin she was born in, she's just different, and he'll never love her. Sure, it's an objective statement that the two Thalassa sisters are so terribly far from the same, but Adrian will never understand why her femininity and docile nature has rendered her inferior.
"What did he do?" Cordelia asks, dangling her hand in Adrian's hair and sighing, "You can tell me anything, I hope you know that."
(Bullshit.)
As is typical when it's just the two of them… silence.
"You'll never get it," Adrian pouts and rips at the sides of the bed before running to her own room, not even checking if Cordelia's following because what does it matter? She never should have talked to her at all… really it was stupid of Adrian to think that Chastin Thalassa's crown jewel would give a care about discussions of the way her so-called-hero spoke with words that prove him nothing more than a wolf in sheep's clothing. Even if she recited his atrocities line by line, Cordelia would never believe them if they came from Adrian's lips. Did I do the wrong thing here? She doesn't know anymore, especially when her life revolves around her sister and how she's everything she'll never be.
Adrian wants to fight her own battles… Maybe she just should… fight with the strength that Chastin's tried so hard to instill in her until she's gone with the tides.
After all, how's Adrian to succeed on her own if it's perfection that she should really be replicating?
By the time she's reached ten years of age, it's almost like Adrian doesn't have a twin sister at all. Well… she does see Cordelia every night and they occasionally chat before bed, but that's pretty much the extent of their relationship.
Adrian finds that she absolutely loathes the disconnect, because well… Her sister is so busy leading her own perfect life and it's like she never has time for the person she once claimed to be so deeply connected to. She grows bitter seeing Cordelia in the spotlight time and time again, and she loathes herself for fitting so comfortably into the shadows.
She wishes Cordelia would do more, even if Adrian's distancing could very well make her feel stuck, but she shouldn't feel that way. It's not like they're five and being ridiculed by father anymore, they're nearly in their teenage years and Adrian wishes her sister had grown the autonomy to care for her and her well-being. She feels irrelevant to somebody who was supposed to be some sort of a support to her, but maybe she's in the wrong since she never quite asked her sister for help. Maybe she doesn't deserve to be the subject of Cordelia's moral obligations.
Adrian shouldn't need help. She should just enjoy the time she spends reading books by the pool with mother while Cordelia takes her runs on the shore with father… I'm just so terribly spoiled, and I never let anything be enough for me.
The other kids are nice, but that doesn't change the fact that her mother is practically her only friend, doting on her and using all the pretty words father never cared to speak. Sure, it could look like people are caring for her, but really Adrian's grown used to pretending she's happy at this point.
The most miserable parts of her days are spent at the Surf now, sulking in the sands after the brilliance of school and it's way of challenging her. They don't like her diligence and attention to details the way mother does at the Surf. They just expect her to run around and act all wild like cats and dogs.
She finds solace swimming close to the tides, trying not to pay attention to Cordelia and whatever "perfect thing" she's doing, and she loves the feeling of the water between her toes, dripping off her hair like she's a magnificent mermaid. Sure, she's not strong like how father wanted, and none of the kids really pay attention to her and give her any praise, but maybe going unnoticed is fine. She doesn't need her sister judging her for trying to be a castaway. She's determined to be strong in her own way, even if it'll never quite be appreciated.
Adrian's learned not to mind the fact nobody cares to speak to her when she's swimming. She's learned that attention is almost always negative if it's directed at her anyways.
She laughs at herself as she takes broad strokes through seafood and splendor, sometimes opening her eyes when her head's underwater in hopes it'll be clear enough to see some of the fish she so badly wishes she was. Adrian's her own entity when she's alone in the water, and she doesn't need to worry about the world that seems to hate her for being born into it.
Reality may be a peril and a disease, but avoiding it is easy when there's so much glory underneath the ocean's blanket, even if she only has herself to support her. She's not quite sure if there's any purpose to it all, because in her family she's always going to be purposeless, but perhaps the fish and coral will give her a reason to keep on living.
She enjoys the prospect of living as long as she doesn't pay attention to her sister and her fortunes.
They grew up together in times of rose-colored tints over the darkness of their future.
Adrian remembers when they were just children, so young and oblivious and their father would take them out on runs nearly every morning, a somewhat frustrated tone in his voice whenever he says, "You know what time it is girls, now don't you?"
Cordelia was a lot less egregious then, quite as she ran down the spiral staircase in their family home right on the waterfront, not so fast because she didn't want to somehow get her shorts caught on something. That's a struggle Adrian's never had herself, choosing to wear the elegant fabrics pulled from mother's closet as opposed to the baggy shorts father chose.
Still the two of them had fun together, "Last one out the door is a rotten egg!" Cordelia nearly mocks and runs after her sister, passing her and posing on their porch with pride, "You know, you'd probably be able to outrun me if you weren't wearing that long skirt."
Her remark makes Adrian want to curl up into a ball and pretend she doesn't exist, "But I like my skirt!"
Approaching from behind, their father invalidates her existence just the same, "Your sister makes a good point, Adrian. I'm sure you know what I'm about to tell you…"
Even though she's hardly five years old, Adrian knows what's coming next, Chastin's frantic screaming on how he basically never wanted a daughter at all, much less two and now the twins must behave all strong and mighty to compensate for the sons they never had a shot at being. They're expected to be strong like men, and there's no definition in his mind of a strong woman.
"Can't I be strong in my skirt?" She feels tears coming on but hides them by crossing her right leg over her left to send herself into a spin, "What do you think, Cordelia?"
She's experienced enough grief to know that her sister will never speak up for her, always so focused on her own greater good, but perhaps the near-friendly look on her face could say otherwise. Adrian doesn't really believe in the weight their relationship is supposed to have even now, all that two halves of a whole talk seeming like nonsense to her. But maybe Cordelia will defend her, even if father seems so royally distraught with the fact that Adrian's basically a hopeless cause even now.
Her father begs her sister to spew his insufferable rhetoric for him "Cordelia… it's idiotic for your sister to try to run in a skirt when she would be much faster in shorts. You said it yourself; I heard you. She'll be stronger if she runs in her shorts," and then he rolls his eyes and mutters under his breath, "I've got to tell Ariel to stop buying her this crap," and a part of Adrian breaks when she hears that part.
She glances at Cordelia, strong like the statues that line the edges of the living room and as mighty as a knight leading an army on a horse, and then to her incorrigible father. Her father that's going to be mad no matter what Cordelia says so she might as well stick up for her sister yet instead,"Look… it's not that you can't be strong in a skirt, Adrian. It's just that wearing shorts will make you stronger."
Chastin nods his head with pride, "That's what I thought, now please go upstairs and change into clothes more suitable for running."
Maybe Cordelia was whispering an apology, but if she was then Adrian didn't hear it, running into the house with shame. She wants to enjoy her life, she really really does but her exclusion from merely existing makes the whole thing way harder, Why's Cordelia always got to do what's best for her? Since when does that equate to doing what's best for the entire family?
It's been drilled in her head time and time again, "The Thalassa family sticks together no matter how grey and stormy the weather," yet Adrian begins to wonder why they don't seem to tolerate her glorious sunsets and painted skies.
It's not a big deal, She shrugs her shoulders, It's never really a big deal.
She still has time to grow, time to shimmer and shine and soar, and they'll grow out of all these terrible rough patches, she's sure of it. Her optimism is cautious, but it exists nonetheless.
But it wasn't always that way.
Symphonies of praise for Cordelia's name echo in Adrian's head and she swears that the next time she hears it she'll rip her own eardrums out of her head, maybe that's what she should've just done to begin with if she was so utterly sick of hearing the way she'll never be good enough, never be her… So why do you bother, Adrian? Why do you want to be her so bad? What is it about her that you can't be? What is it about her life that you can't live yourself? Why are you so fucking selfish when everything you've always wanted has been right in front of you and you were too much of a coward to jump into the water and taste it yourself?
Alone in her bathroom, Adrian Thalassa begins to come undone, scissors in her hands positioned over the toilet as she squeezes the blades and watches her hair fall. It's messy, it looks like shit, but she doesn't care because, this is what father's always wanted from her, damnit? Why couldn't she just give it to him? Why couldn't she just give him the perfection he craved from her?
"Why couldn't I just show him that I'm capable of being loved," She sobs to herself, phlegm building in the back of her throat, "Why couldn't I do that for him?"
It's her fault, shit it's all Adrian's fault that she's the loser in the family and she'll never be worthy of anything good. She'll never be worthy of the plenty and abundance that seems to have fallen on her lap for some fucking reason… Fuck!
She flushes her hair, the remnants of who she was down the drain with her eyes shut, not able to look at herself and the monster she's become. Her makeup falls off with her tears, and she sighs… What am I doing here? What the actual fuck am I still doing here?
Adrian glances at the knife beside her and exhales… No… I can't? Can I? Can… I?
She's always had the waters when she never had anything.
She's always had the waters when she never had herself.
Unable to control herself, Adrian's fist slams through the wall leaving shattered pieces of wood and paint… not that she's going to fix it. She can't fix herself for Panem's sake… shit!
Huffing and puffing she marches through the downstairs of the house, not caring at the stares her family and their stupid pretentious guests are giving her, because she's already dead to them anyways… wow it would be so nice to be dead to the world!
She never sees Cordelia in the house, but that's to be expected since she never really cared for her. If she even thought of Adrian in those moments, she's sure she'd just feel embarrassed. Because that's who Adrian Thalassa is, right? Just a stupid fucking embarrassment, lord!
When she reaches the sand it doesn't feel like home between her toes the same way it used to. Because she was never meant to know home, and Adrian knows that now. The Thalassa family was never home, the Surf was never home, and Four will never be her home either. The oceans that loved her really just pitied her the same way she loathes herself.
Nothing is home to Adrian. Nothing is real, not the land nor the sea nor— She turns her head to see Cordelia looking back at her, but it's too late. She's imagining it, why should Cordelia care now if she never has?
She has to be imagining it.
The water isn't even cold when she walks in feet first, offering comfort even as it begins to cover her chest. This is it, she thinks to herself.
Sad.
Sad that it had to end like this…
It was never not going to end like this.
She's a tragedy without a strong hero, after all.
"Adrian."
She turns to see her sister again, this time definitely real with her hand pressed on her shoulder. She can't even look at her… she doesn't want to see something so familiar yet so abstract in her final moments.
"Cordelia." She bows her head, and she realizes something… that the knife's still in her right hand and… and… and––
Everything she's ever wanted is right in front of her. The entire world is right in front of her and all Adrian needs to do is go for it.
When she first stabs Cordelia it's with all the bitterness she's felt for her entire eighteen years, ignoring the shocked sounds of her screams since they'll be gone soon.
It'll all be gone soon, and knife wounds can clean up easily.
(She doesn't know that she'll be gone soon.)
(…She'll never truly be gone.)
She tackles her sister, pushes her head underneath the current with a wicked, almost feral smirk on her face. And as she trashes in the water Adrian realizes why her father valued strength for so many years… because it's… oddly satisfying seeing the catalyst of all of her problems, the portrait of her flaws finally being torn to shreds.
And once the body falls and begins to bob in the water, she swears the world stops.
To herself, she whispers "What am I going to do now?"
It doesn't fully sink in… lord knows that it'll ever fully sink in.
But she knows now that there's an opportunity she never thought she'd have. She knows now that she finally has the chance to step into the role of the villain in her life story and see what it's like to be "so fucking perfect." She's committed her own perfect crime, solved all her problems even if it in the long run just created more… and now it's just so easy for her to be free of herself. It's so easy for Adrian to never be again.
She gently removes her own clothes from her skin and replaces them with the perfect little suit that was once her sisters. She's in costume now… she's playing the role life should have cast her in to begin with.
…And she loves it.
She drags Cordelia onto the shore, still unable to feel a thing besides odd satisfaction, a sensation that continues to fill her body when she reaches the front of her doorsteps and walks into her living room with a somber expression to announce the news of the evening, "Adrian… she— she… drowned."
It's almost hurtful how little Ariel and Chastin care about the whole thing, never questioning the stab wound in Cordelia's side or the mess in the bathroom, dismissing it by saying, "Well she was probably in a bad mood…"
It makes Adrian sick, that she's dead to them and they're still asking, "Cordelia, are you going to be okay through all of this? Do you think your sister killed herself? How would you handle that?"
You.
You.
You.
And never her.
Never Adrian Thalassa, the girl who sent herself to sea to die and rose a ghost of her antithesis instead and always always always Cordelia, the girl who's to dead to bear the burden of it all. They never stop to think about why it was that Adrian wanted to die, because all that matters is how Cordelia copes.
Cordelia Thalassa is all that matters, and Adrian dying was just a minor bump in her road to perfection. She never mattered as Adrian… Why did I try for so long?
Yet as Cordelia, she experiences all the splendor she craved and all the attention and the glory and she wishes, she wishes so badly she could say she'd admit then and there that it was never worth it, that none of it was ever worth it but she can't. She loves the attention and the care she receives that week to the extent that part of her wishes she'd become her sister sooner.
She should have never tried to be herself at all.
Maybe she should be more emotional at her own funeral, but Adrian can't bring herself to cry more than a few tears.
… I was so intelligent.
(Too smart for my own good.)
… I was so spirited.
(Never passionate about the right things.)
… I was so emotional.
(And look at that, my emotions got the best of me once and for all.)
Deep down inside, she's the same even now.
Nobody really knows what to say about Cordelia Thalassa that day, probably they don't know it's her in the casket and not her loser sister, an "accident" none of them saw coming. She was such a good swimmer, that was another thing people would praise Cordelia for, even if they were both always good at swimming, Good swimmers don't just drown...
But Adrian continues to lie, it is an accident that she's here and her twin isn't. Not many questions were asked on the matter, but if they were she would have answered as follows:
"I was taking a swim, getting away from the crow at the party… or at least that's what I wanted to do. It's what I wanted to do until I saw my sister and couldn't control the rage building up in my body like a hurricane… and I couldn't do anything once my hands were on her… she was already gone."
(She'd never actually say that.)
She's always considered herself distant from Cordelia, never two pieces of the same puzzle or peas in a pod, no none of that bullshit. Just because she was born to be her "other half," didn't mean that putting them together made anything more whole... Not that it matters now— she's dead, it doesn't matter now. It seems mourning and introspection can't go hand-in-hand around these parts, especially when she's supposed to be mourning herself, yet she can't.
Not many people showed up to the burial ceremony, just Adrian, her mother Ariel, father Chastin and some of the other ensigns from the Surf, because deep down inside nobody cares as long as they think Cordelia's still alive. She'd heard her mother say something along the lines of, "We don't need to make a big commotion over all of this, you know with the Games so soon."
The Games. Adrian can't help but laugh at, even mock the thought of her parents having to bury a second child in just a few months. Not that I want that to happen… not that it should happen. Life's just… ironic like that, she supposes. It would be, yeah… ironic… if she were to join her twin in a cloud amongst the cosmos so soon after they were torn into separate stratospheres for a presumably long time. It would be a waste, that's what it would be.
Though part of her does wonder if her possible yet preventable future funeral would have the same… almost numb energy to it. Part of her wonders if the reason her metaphorical farewell to the world is so low-key is because all the fancy arrangements would be saved for the possibility of a real funeral for Cordelia… Wow, Adrian… thinking of your sister at your own funeral… no wonder you've always been so demented. No wonder you've always been so stubborn.
Adrian exhales, because she's stood behind a pedestal in what will surely be a pathetic venture in reflecting on the life of somebody who's supposed to be a stranger but is unfortunately a demon stuck swimming beneath her own flesh and blood, a monster separate from her mind but a monster nevertheless, "My sister Adrian was a complicated person."
She blinks, I don't sound genuine enough… Okay pull it together, this is my funeral and I'm supposed to be more sad. Maybe if she blinks again, and faster this time then more tears will fall and she'll look socially acceptable, not like somebody so out-of-place. Then again, if there's anywhere to be out of place it's alive at your own funeral.
"That doesn't mean I didn't love her," Adrian raises her voice in hopes her energy will follow, "We had our differences, our quarrels over the years, that's for sure, and while there was for sure… a part of me that didn't quite understand all her oddities, looking back at it she was certainly charming."
All that follows is bullshit, a messy overview of memories she wished were actually soon to be buried six feet deep, which is covered up by her father saying "Cordelia's been having some trouble mourning," at the conclusion of her clusterfuckery.
Having some trouble, huh? If that's not the biggest understatement I've ever heard. Because no, Adrian can't say she ever truly knew her sister, and maybe if she were still alive she still would never know her, but now she's without the chance or opportunity.
Bullshit… you didn't want to know her— you fucking hated her you monster. She did nothing wrong and now you're claiming the throne she worked her whole life to sit upon.
She doesn't dare look inside the open casket as she makes her way back to her seat, even if she wonders what "she" looks like in there, flowers probably on her eyes matching one of those frilly dresses she always liked to wear. Adrian doesn't want to look at it… she can't look at it because maybe it would be even worse if she didn't look pretty and proper, didn't look like herself even after a life so poor. Seeing herself from the tides was enough.
And so, as her father begins his own words for the daughter she knows he never actually loved, Adrian simply closes her eyes. Maybe it'll end quicker this way… Maybe we'll get to go back to normal quicker…
(There's no such thing as normal now.)
Because truth be told, Adrian's life is just the same even if she's not actually living it.
As to which Thalassa twin wakes up on the morning of the Reaping for the 94th Annual Hunger Games… whoever it is, she really doesn't know.
(You're Adrian… you're Adrian Thalassa and you killed yourself and your sister at the same time because you're a fucking monster… and now you're sending yourself to die as if that'll prove the whole thing to be worth it… idiot.)
She brushes her short brown hair in the mirror, a look of discontent on her face— This is all you've been waiting for… this is what your life is supposed to reach it's glorious climax in… act excited for it, because she doesn't quite recognize the reflection staring back at her.
Too disheveled.
Too masculine.
Too natural.
It's not her, but it'll have to do for now. She should've known that she'd never be loved in her family, never be loved in Four if she were to act like herself… Nobody is required to like a girl who wishes she were a princess instead of a knight. She's not required to like herself either.
Which is why she's dead now, wood rotting with soil and worms and never to be spoken of again, for the greater good of society since she was never supposed to be missed. She can't even say she misses herself, because just what is there to miss anyways?
It feels wrong. She can't help but think about how wrong it feels standing here in a bedroom that she was never supposed to spend a single night in.
(You wanted this… get over yourself, you wanted this now get over it!)
Diary pages lay torn on the ground, memories of the dead girl she has to pretend to be. She'll do her best to live out her memory, even if it's one she would rather forget.
Still… the mirror she looks into is more of a void, and the girl reflecting upon her is more of a ghost, haunting the mind of her murderer until they are bound together in death, Which would be a waste… you can't just fucking die after all of this.
She won't, no she'll find something inside her that can paint the arena red with the same spite used to taint her sister's soul. It's all she can do, right?
Now begs the question, does Adrian Thalassa regret it?
Does she regret murdering the imperfectly perfect copy of her own soul for the sake of her own glory? Does she regret forcing herself to live in the mind of the immaculate monster both meters and worlds apart from her at the same time? Does she regret the fact that if she dies in the arena, she won't die herself but rather in the skin of everything she never wanted to be?
…Does she?
No.
Not for a fucking second.
She blinks once… twice… three times and it all seems more clear to her in the mirror, "Good morning Cordelia. Today's the first day of the rest of your life!"
Dynasty by Rina Sawayam
And thus my semi-well kept secret is revealed. Cordelia is sus… Cordelia is MAD fucking sus because it ain't really her now is it? Say hello to my messy legend Adrian who I love very much MWAHAHAHAHA! I love you bitch, I ain't EVER going to stop loving you bitch. Hopefully this introduction made sense? Yeah, it was Cordelia for the little beginning after the first POV and before she died, and then we did a little switcharoo to bestie Adrian after Delia turned dead as fuck! But we started with Adrian who was saying she was Cordelia… god is that crack I smoke?
I hate how much fun I had writing all of this messiness in just three short days (Because really, I wouldn't have written this ungodly amount of words if I didn't think it was fun… sorry that there are so many words by the way, I was such a liar when I said Tess would be my longest intro… oops) so yeah, mad props to my boy Xavi for giving me something so fun to explore. I kind of hate that the longest thing I've posted on this god forsaken website is now a mere intro, but I have never deserved rights to begin with please somebody find a leash for me not in a kinky way just because I have no self control.
Is this the third female twin switcharoo I've seen this year? Well yes, but this is the least wholesome and most chaotic of all of them and it will likely end the most poorly! I changed shit on the blog so yeah take a peak at that if you care… because again Delia is dead as fuck! OH AND ALSO BIG LOVE TO MY HOMIE DAWN FOR BETA-ING THIS AND MAKING SURE I MADE SENSE !
We also got a wee little peak at my homie Danube and perhaps we will see them soon in their own intro! Because POGGERS we are ALMOST FUCKING DONE! Gahhhh these intros took/are taking forever but I hope they've been as enjoyable to read as they are for me to write.
Fuck this shit, I'm out,
Linds
