Title: "The Cognitive Confession Sessions" - Chapter 5
Rating: T
Author's Note: This chapter covers 9x07, the Spockumentary episode, and 9x08, the one where Amy goes on a date with Dave while Penny and Bernadette spy on them.
There's some of Penny's voice in this chapter in the form of a text message. I haven't written her before so hopefully it turned out okay. It's a little more serious than Penny normally is, but I think the moment calls for it. Plus, Amy is reading her voice, so I didn't write it exactly like you would see it via text message, if that makes sense? No emojis, no shorthand, etc.
Amy was ready.
Her last session with Dr. Ross had been so tense. She had felt guilty and ashamed and confused. All things she wasn't used to feeling. She hated it. And there was still some of that lingering, but she felt calmer now, better prepared. She felt like things were moving in the right direction and she was looking forward to discussing it with Dr. Ross.
It was strange, how much she wanted Dr. Ross' approval. It probably wasn't healthy to feel that way about one's therapist, but Amy couldn't help it. She wanted to make the doctor proud. Maybe it was because her relationship with her mother was so unhealthy. Amy wasn't sure and didn't particularly want to dwell on it too much. She may have to talk to Dr. Ross about her mother and their strained relationship some day, but that's not what she wanted this session to be about.
She walked into the psychiatrist's office to find the woman sitting in her navy chair, clipboard in hand. They smiled at each other.
"Hi Dr. Ross."
"Hello Amy. You look better today than you did at the beginning of our last session."
Amy sat down on the grey couch, placing her purse next to her. "Yes, I feel better. Less confused, I guess you could say."
"That's good to hear. Tell me what's been going on in your life since we last saw each other."
Amy nodded. "Well, last time we discussed that I needed to figure out what I wanted. I don't know that I've figured it all out, but I think I know which direction I'm going in. I feel more sure of myself than before."
"That's great. Is there anywhere in particular you would like to start?"
"I thought we could start by talking about Dave and what's happened with my dating other people."
"Sounds like a plan to me," Dr. Ross said with a smile. "Did you go out with Dave on your second date?"
"Yes. We've been on two more dates, actually. Our second date went fairly well. We had dinner close to my apartment. He walked me back afterwards and… we shared a quick kiss before I went upstairs."
Dr. Ross arched her eyebrows. "How was that?"
Amy shrugged. "It was okay; strange to kiss someone other than Sheldon... Sparks didn't fly, but it was nice enough."
Dr. Ross chuckled slightly. "Okay. And your third date?"
Amy laughed. "You know, I have been dying to tell you all about it. You are not going to believe this."
Dr. Ross smiled widely. "Well, take the floor, I'm all ears."
Amy leaned forward. "It's so funny… At first I was quite upset and annoyed by it, but now I just think it's… It's the stuff made for comedy, you know? Like something off of a sitcom."
"Do tell."
"Okay, I just have to preface this with one thing, because it will become important later on. I got ready for our third date at Penny's apartment with her and Bernadette. They were grilling me, wanting more information about Dave. I hadn't told them much, really, because… well… Like I told you last time, I didn't want to make a big deal of it and I didn't even know if I was really even ready. Anyway, I gave them a couple more details about him, but still didn't say much. They criticized my outfit, I borrowed some shoes from Penny, and then I left. Dave and I met at the restaurant. We both drove." Amy chuckled. "That's important to the story, as well."
"Alright," Dr. Ross said with a grin.
"We sat down, ordered wine, started talking, looked over the menu. The usual. He mentioned his ex-wife, so I asked him what happened there. He told me she cheated, then asked if I had ever been married. I told him no, that I had only been in one long-term relationship before. He asked me what happened with that and I gave him some glib answer. Then he asked if my ex was a neurobiologist like me and I said no, that he was a physicist at Caltech. He wanted to know what his focus was. I told him and then said, 'Let's not discuss Sheldon, let's get back to you.'"
Amy couldn't help it. She laughed again. "He said, 'Wait, you're not talking about Dr. Sheldon Cooper?'" Amy said this with the same inflection Dave had used.
"Oh nooo," Dr. Ross exclaimed, her eyes widening comically.
Amy nodded with amusement. "Oh, yes." She chuckled. "I asked him if he knew Sheldon and he said no, but that he had been following his work for years. The guy straight up geeked out, called Sheldon a rockstar. He wanted to know what Sheldon was like. I'm talking… put down his menu, sat forward with his hands folded under his chin, face lit up like a kid on Christmas. He literally spent the entire rest of the date asking questions about Sheldon. This started before we even ordered and continued the whole way through. He had apparently drove 500 miles once just to see Sheldon speak in Stanford. Told me he had even asked a question at the end of the presentation. I mean, I can't make this stuff up."
The two women laughed together.
"Then he had the gall to ask me if I would introduce him to Sheldon. Can you believe that?"
"No... No, I cannot."
"It was like he was asking to meet a celebrity. He kept going back and forth, saying he didn't want to meet him, but wait, yes he did. It was so awkward."
"What did you do?"
"I told him I might introduce them, just to get him to stop - which he didn't. As soon as we were done eating, I told him I was tired and asked if we could go. He apologized for talking about my ex-boyfriend the whole time… then said he was free later in the week if I wanted to introduce them then."
Amy grinned. "And now the story is only going to get even funnier."
"Oh my," Dr. Ross said. "Let me hear it."
"As we were walking out to our cars, the car that was parked in front of Dave's backed up and hit his."
Amy laughed at the surprise on Dr. Ross' face.
"Turns out, it was Bernadette and Penny. They had been spying on us."
"Oh jeez," Dr. Ross said with a roll of her eyes.
"Yup. And when they saw us coming, they tried to hurry out of there and Bernadette backed into Dave's car. So we're all standing outside on the street and Leonard walks up. He had apparently run off to use the restroom somewhere. When Dave saw him, he immediately recognized him and geeked out again. Leonard had been with Sheldon at the presentation in Stanford. Dave didn't even care about his car, he was that excited to meet Leonard."
"You are right. This sounds like something from a sitcom."
Amy nodded. "I'm not quite done yet, I've got one more for you."
Dr. Ross shook her head. "No. There can't possibly be anything else."
"Oh, there is." Amy laughed. "I drove Dave home since his car had to be towed. He thanked me and then said he would love to take me out again the following weekend. I told him that I didn't think things were working out between us and I apologized. He said, 'At least the same woman that rejected Sheldon Cooper rejected me. If I ever do meet him, we'll have that in common.' And… And…" Amy couldn't stop giggling. "Then he said, 'He's kissed you and I've kissed you, so if you think about it...' I cut him off and told him to get out."
Dr. Ross guffawed. "Wow… I… I don't even know what to say about that."
"Right? He was excited that he had 'basically' kissed Sheldon… Like, seriously? I think he was more disappointed that he wouldn't get to meet Sheldon, than he was about me breaking things off with him."
"It doesn't sound like you are too upset about not seeing him anymore."
Amy shook her head. "No, I'm not." She felt relieved, actually. And more relaxed then she had felt in awhile.
"Did you have a discussion with Penny and Bernadette about them following you?"
Amy raised her eyebrows. "Oh, yes. I gave them a piece of my mind. I was pretty pissed off about that. I think they felt guilty by the time I was done. They both apologized."
"Good. I am glad that you talked with them about that and didn't let it go."
"A part of me understands why they did it, because I wasn't giving them many details. But I told them that they crossed the line and there had to be boundaries. I also told them I wouldn't be giving them any details in the future if I couldn't trust them."
"I am glad to hear that you stood up for yourself, like we talked about."
Amy nodded. "I was actually quite proud of myself, to be honest."
"As you should be. So, you broke things off with Dave… And you said you thought you knew which direction you were planning to go… Will you tell me more about that?"
"Sure. But first, I want to tell you about a text message I got from Penny. This was before my third date with Dave. Actually, it was right after the second date. The text is important, it's part of the reason that I'm choosing the path I am."
"I'm all ears."
Amy smiled. "I thought it would be easier if I just read you the text."
Dr. Ross nodded her permission.
Amy pulled out her phone, found the message, and started to read. "Hey Ames. You know you and Sheldon are both important to me… And I've been trying my best to remain a neutral party between the two of you since you broke up. That being said… I found out something about your relationship, but I don't want to betray Sheldon's trust by telling you, even though I really, really think you need to know. If there's any part of you that wants to fix things... Please talk to him. There are things you don't know, things none of us knew, that paint your relationship in a different light. Please don't ask me for more details. I've gone back and forth on whether to send this or not. I haven't told Sheldon or even Leonard that I'm doing this. Also, if you're one hundred percent sure you're over him and don't love him anymore, then please, just ignore this text. And know that I love you, bestie, and I just want what's best for you."
"Wow. Did you reply to her message?"
"Yes. I just said, Thank you, Penny. I'm working through everything right now and trying to figure out where I want my life to go. I do plan to talk to Sheldon, but give me some time to figure this all out," Amy read, then looked up at the psychiatrist. "She sent me this the day after my second date with Dave. We already had our third date planned by the time I got her message. Penny and I haven't spoken of it since. We both just kind of acted like it never happened when we saw each other in person."
"How do you feel about all this?"
"Well… The day I went on my second date with Dave, Sheldon actually called me. It was earlier in the day, before the date. I missed his call so he left me a message. Can I play it for you?"
"Sure."
"Okay, hold on." Amy scrolled through her phone. "Here it is." She pushed play and held the phone out for Dr. Ross to listen.
"Hello, Amy. It's Sheldon. Yeah, I, I know that we're broken up, but I'm leaving this message because I thought perhaps you'd like to watch me be interviewed for a documentary about Mr. Spock. Or as I like to call it, a Spockumentary. Yeah, I'm going to use that joke in the interview, so try to laugh like you're hearing it for the first time. You know, hysterically, hmm? And with a tinge of sadness that I'm no longer in your life."
Amy put the phone back in her purse before turning to the doctor.
"His message confused me, you know? This is how things have been going since we broke up... He acts like he wants me in his life, but then he insults me. It's like he can't make up his mind!"
"Well, that's perfectly normal. You know how confused you are on this matter. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot… Actually, I don't think you have to imagine anything. I would assume he's still in love with you, as you are him. Love doesn't just shut off because someone ends things. It takes time for love to fade. And he's probably angry at you for breaking up with him, just like you're angry for all the reasons you broke up with him."
Amy frowned, realizing how right Dr. Ross was. "Yeah... I know," she murmured. She looked down at her hands. "I guess it just feels like... This is what our entire relationship was like. He wanted me to be his girlfriend but he would insult me, or ignore me, or just... Just... not give enough. Not care enough. Everything was always all about him."
Dr. Ross looked like she wanted to say more, but she didn't. The two women just looked at each other for a moment, before Amy sighed heavily.
"Anyway, after I received his message, I decided to just go on my second date with Dave and have a good time. I decided not to let Sheldon bring me down. And like I said, I enjoyed myself, and then we kissed. It was nice, but it wasn't... I was hoping those sparks would fly. Maybe if I could... convince myself to be attracted to Dave like that, then I could move on and forget about Sheldon."
"You're not attracted to Dave?"
"I mean... He's cute. I could... I could see myself being with him if it ever came to that. But it's not like... When I look at him, I don't get that immediate... feeling of attraction. Does that make sense?"
Dr. Ross nodded. "It does." She paused. "Were you attracted to Sheldon immediately? In the beginning?"
Amy chewed on the inside of her cheek as she mulled that over.
"Yes… but it was more of an intellectual attraction. He just... Talked like me. We hit it off in that way immediately. Not just a polite, friendly, 'first date' way, but in a 'He really gets me,' kind of way. Don't get me wrong, I think Sheldon is very handsome. I am incredibly attracted to him, but at first, it was driven more by his brain than his looks."
Amy shrugged and reached into her purse, pulling out her phone again. "Dave is a good looking guy, too, if you're into the type - tall, skinny, nerdy." Amy pulled up a photo of her and Sheldon, then showed it to Dr. Ross. "Which apparently I am." Amy smiled. "This is Sheldon."
The photo was from prom. They had been slow dancing when Penny called out their names before snapping a photo of them with her phone. It was Amy's favorite photo of the two of them. They just looked so… happy. Peaceful. In love.
She didn't notice Dr. Ross watching her closely, paying more attention to Amy's reaction to the photo than the photo itself.
"The chemistry I have had with Sheldon since the very beginning, isn't there with Dave. I probably wouldn't have agreed to a third date with him if it weren't for Sheldon's stupid voicemail. It pissed me off, so I decided to accept Dave's offer of a third date."
"So… a revenge date?"
Amy groaned and blew out a breath, stuffing her phone back in her purse. "I guess so. I know it's stupid. I regret doing that. But karma got me. All Dave talked about on that third date was Sheldon."
"And after that third date, you told Dave things weren't working out."
Amy nodded. "I did. And Penny's text made me take a good, hard look at things with Sheldon. Penny is... She's our go-to girl when it comes to social situations. She isn't like the rest of us. She's beautiful, blonde, and busty. She was an aspiring actress and now she's a pharmaceutical drug rep," Amy said fondly, as she thought about her bestie.
"Whenever we have questions about what to do in social situations, we ask her. Especially Sheldon and I because we are so... stunted compared to the others. She's my best friend and she's like a sister to Sheldon. If she says that I should talk to him, that there are things I don't know, well... It makes me stop and wonder. Especially because she truly has been so good about staying neutral between the two of us. I actually believe she isn't sharing things with Sheldon about me, because she hasn't been sharing much about Sheldon with me. Other than superficial stuff, this is the first thing she's really said about him, and it was cryptic. She didn't give away his secrets, yet she still found a way to tell me that there's something important I should know about."
"She sounds like a good friend."
"She is... most of the time. Unless she's stalking you while you're on a date." Amy smiled. She was already over it. It made for a funny story and her friends were just showing her they cared, in their own odd and inappropriate way.
"So, you're thinking about getting back together with Sheldon?"
"I am... if he'll have me. I'm not one hundred percent certain yet, but... I'm leaning heavily in that direction. I am done seeing Dave. I deleted both of the dating apps awhile ago." Amy shrugged. "I guess I'm mainly just trying to figure out what I need from Sheldon and how to go about asking for it."
Amy swallowed and twisted her fingers together. "To be honest, I'm... really scared," she murmured.
"Tell me why."
"There's multiple reasons... What if I ask for the things I need and he's not willing to give them to me? What if we get back together and it doesn't work out and we have to go through this pain all over again? What if it's too late and I've already lost him?"
Tears gathered in Amy's eyes. She was scared. She loved Sheldon so much. That had never changed. And even though they were broken up, even though she had seen other men, she had never truly felt like it was completely over. It felt more like a trial period, of being apart. And this... this was the end of the trial. And it could go terribly wrong if she didn't - if they didn't do this just the right way.
Dr. Ross sighed and placed the clipboard between her thigh and the chair. She uncrossed her legs and leaned forward.
"I want you to tell me what you see as the worst case scenario here."
Amy closed her eyes and felt a tear escape from each one. She didn't bother to wipe them away.
"That I'll ask him to take me back and he'll say no. That he won't want me in his life in any capacity, as a girlfriend or a friend. That I've really and truly ruined everything."
"Okay. Now tell me what the best case scenario is."
"We talk. We get back together. Some day we get married and have children. We spend the rest of our lives together."
"And what happens if you do nothing?"
"We stay in this weird limbo where we aren't together and we're not really friends and it's awkward and still painful."
"The way I see it, you have two options, with three possible outcomes. In reality, it's probably not quite that black and white, but… let's walk through it anyway. First, you do nothing, and you stay in limbo. Or secondly, you take a chance, with either a positive or a negative outcome. What you have to decide is… whether it's worth it or not. So let's work through that."
Amy nodded. "Okay," she whispered.
"Would you rather stay in limbo forever or take a chance and get rejected? Really, truly think about it before you answer."
Amy wanted to say she'd rather stay in limbo, because it wouldn't hurt as much as their relationship ending permanently. But she knew she couldn't do that. It would essentially mean she had no future. There would be no forward movement in her life. But if she and Sheldon never got back together, even if she turned around and walked away forever, she would eventually be able to move forward in her life. It may take awhile and it wouldn't look anything like what she wanted her future to look like, but it would be better than being stuck.
"I would rather take the chance and face rejection," she finally whispered.
"Okay. So let's take limbo off the table. Now, the only thing to do is take a chance. The outcome will either be negative or positive. There's no way to know. But don't you think the possibility of a good outcome is worth the risk? Wouldn't you do anything to have the life you want with Sheldon? Marriage? Children? Growing old together? Isn't that worth the risk?"
Amy choked on a sob. "Yes." She buried her face in her hands and cried. She didn't dare hope for a positive outcome. She knew there were still a hundred hurdles they would have to overcome before they could even get there.
"So, let's do what we can to ensure a positive outcome."
Amy looked up. "How? What can we possibly do?"
"Well, we can't do anything to change Sheldon's reaction to your action of asking for another chance. But what we can do is prepare you. We both know there are things that have to change in your relationship if you and Sheldon get back together. What you were doing wasn't working. You need more from him and the relationship. And I'm sure, by now, he is going to have thought of things he wants or needs from you. So let's identify your needs."
"O-okay," Amy stuttered out. She reached for a box of tissues on the stand next to the couch. She took a couple and wiped at her wet cheeks.
"Tell me what you feel needs to change for you and Sheldon to have a successful relationship."
"I need him to make me a priority. I need him to see me. Hear me. Not part of the time, but all of the time. Not just when it conveniences him, but always. I want to be equal partners in our relationship."
"Good. Anything else?"
Amy thought for a moment. Sure, there were other things she wanted to change, like physical intimacy, but in truth, it all came back to that one thing. She needed to feel important in Sheldon's life. She needed to feel as though he loved her as much as she loved him. She didn't want to be an afterthought anymore.
"Not really. I feel like everything goes back to that. I would love to have a more physical relationship, but I can do without it if I know that I'm just as important to him as he is to me. I would like to re-write the relationship agreement if he insists on having one, but again, that goes back to us being equals and not allowing him to skew things in his favor. I don't want him to make huge decisions, like moving to Mars, or running away on a train, without my input, but that goes back to the same thing."
"Alright. Then let's figure out how to get that."
"Communication," Amy said.
Dr. Ross smiled. "Now you're catching on. After all these sessions with you, I can see the underlying theme of most of these issues is communication. It's just not there. I think it has been detrimental, because you aren't getting what you want or need, and he doesn't know how to process human emotions the same way others do. He literally needs you to spell things out for him. He's going to continue messing up. If he truly is on the autism spectrum, like you believe, he literally needs more information than the average person when it comes to reading human emotions. That's not a bad thing. It's just how he is. You have to be willing to give him that information. You can't stew in anger. You can't shut him out. You can't try to appease him by smoothing things over. He won't change because you haven't given him the chance. Even after you broke up, you've signed up for a dating app and gone on revenge dates, just to get back at him. Those are things he may not even know about, yet you've done them with the intention of hurting him."
Amy gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. Her eyes immediately filled with tears again.
"I'm not saying these things to make you feel bad. I am trying to help you understand that communication is a two way street. You get out of a relationship what you put into it. It's not always equal, but over time, in the long run, things should balance out. Sometimes you'll give more and sometimes he will give more. You broke up with him because you felt like you were giving way more than him. And that may be true, but I think he is perfectly capable of giving just as much as you. The difference is, you haven't given him the chance. I think that might be something your entire friend group is guilty of. You let him get away with things, to the point that it's become 'his thing.' Oh, Sheldon is just this way, what can you do? Well, talk to him, for one thing. He's an incredibly intelligent man. If he's as caring as you say he is, then what he needs is someone to show him the way. He can't fix what he doesn't know is broken."
"Oh my God," Amy muttered through her tears. "You're absolutely right."
"If he truly loves you and wants to be with you, then he will want to make you happy. There will obviously still be times he doesn't get it right, or he's selfish, but if you tell him how it makes you feel and what he could have done differently, then he'll hopefully learn from it."
"I can't believe I never thought of it that way. I mean, I was always more patient with him than most people and I always tried to help him understand how other people felt... but I... I didn't realize that I wasn't giving him the same chance with me."
"Amy, don't feel guilty about that. You're human. People are naturally self-involved. It's a survival mechanism. That's what counseling is for, that's why doctors like me exist. I'm here to help you deal with your feelings and emotions, but I'm also here to show you reality and give you the tools you need to navigate life. Most people have a difficult time stepping outside of themselves and looking at the world through the lens of truth."
"Wow." Amy shook her head. "I feel like I've had an epiphany. Or rather, you've given me one."
Dr. Ross smiled and sat back in her seat, picking up the clipboard once again.
"Now, let's talk about how to ask Sheldon for what you need. People tend to get defensive when others tell them what they've done wrong. Have you ever heard of 'I' statements?"
"As in eye balls?"
Dr. Ross chuckled. "No, I as in me, yourself, I," she said and pointed to herself.
"Ohhh, um, well, I don't know if I've heard them called that, but I think I know where you're going with this."
"'I' statements allow the speaker, in this case, you, to be assertive without making accusations, which can often make the listener get defensive. This can help foster positive communication in relationships and make them stronger, because it allows you to be open and honest and grow closer emotionally."
"Okay, that makes sense," Amy said, listening with her full attention.
"So instead of saying, 'Why did you sign up to go to Mars without telling me?' You could say, 'I felt like I didn't matter to you when you signed up to go to Mars.' It shifts the blame off of the other person and lets them know how you feel. Another way of saying this, is to use 'when blank happens, I feel blank.' For example, 'When you left on your train trip, I felt abandoned and lonely,' or whatever you want to say."
"I understand."
"I am going to have you try to come up with a few examples, but I also want to say that tone of voice is also incredibly important. Try to keep your voice gentle and even."
Amy nodded. "Got it."
"So give me an example, just use something from your past with Sheldon, it doesn't even have to be something you've told me about. I just want you to practice the method."
"Alright." Amy nodded, flipping through her memories with Sheldon to come up with an example. "I'll start with one you've heard."
Dr. Ross nodded. "Go ahead."
"I felt disrespected and ignored when you didn't congratulate me on my article in Neuron magazine."
"Good! Now, to add on to that, let's say what you wish he would have done differently, by using another 'I' statement. I'll give you an example on this one and you can try adding on to the next one."
Amy nodded.
"I felt disrespected and ignored when you didn't congratulate me on my article in Neuron magazine. I need to feel like my accomplishments are important to you," Dr. Ross said.
"I see. I think I've got it."
"Okay." Dr. Ross smiled warmly. "Try another one."
"Ummm, okay, I've got one. I did this one wrong at the time." Amy cleared her throat. "When we went to Napa Valley on Valentine's Day, I was hoping to spend more time with you. I felt really hurt and alone when you left to go hang out with your new friend and talk to the conductor. I need a little romance in our relationship to feel more secure about us."
"Excellent! Okay, let's do one more before we wrap up for the day."
"I want your help with this one. This is something I really want to discuss with Sheldon when we talk, so I'd love to get your feedback on it."
"Alright, go ahead."
"I would like there to be more physical intimacy in our relationship. When we hold hands, hug, and kiss, it makes me feel close to you. I feel warm inside when we touch. It gives me comfort and joy."
"I think that's perfect. You could add a question to the end, such as, 'Is that something you think you can work on for us?' I know that puts the spotlight back on him, but if you're asking in a gentle tone and saying it's for the both of you, it doesn't sound accusatory. Also, in this case, you need him to make those changes and if he refuses to do so, you'll know that you don't want the same things, or don't value the same things. And then you can make a decision on whether that's a deal breaker or not."
"Okay." Amy nodded. She could do this.
"I don't know what your plans are, when you plan to talk to Sheldon. Whether it will be before our next session or not. But I would suggest you practice these 'I' statements. Practice in front of the mirror. Repeat them when you're driving alone in your car. These 'I' statements don't come naturally to most people. You will have to retrain your brain to think in these terms. It can be especially difficult when you're in the middle of a conversation. Even more so if things get tense between the two of you. If you feel that things are spiraling, take a step back. Take deep breaths, count to ten, etcetera. Find a way to steer the conversation back to calm ground. And don't be afraid to take a break if you need to."
Amy took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Wow. Okay. Yes. I will practice. I don't have a plan for when I'm going to talk to Sheldon. I mean, before this session, I still wasn't completely sure I was going to, but now I know that I am. It's just a matter of when. I don't have a plan at the moment, though."
"That's okay. Take your time. Figure out everything you want to say to him. Everything you need from him to have a successful relationship."
"I will." Amy smiled. "Thank you so much. I really feel like I had a breakthrough today. I learned so much."
Dr. Ross chuckled. "That's what I'm here for."
Amy gathered her purse and stood up.
"And Amy?"
"Yes?"
"Good luck." Dr. Ross smiled at her.
Amy nodded and slipped out the office door.
End Note: In case you didn't catch it, Penny's text was about Sheldon having a ring for Amy. And she would also know he went to go propose that evening but didn't when he saw Amy and Dave kiss.
