Title: "The Cognitive Confession Sessions" - Chapter 8
Rating: T
Author's Note: Welcome to the final chapter! Amy is going back to therapy to tell Dr. Ross all about her reconciliation with Sheldon. Enjoy!
A few days after her reconciliation with Sheldon, Amy floated into Dr. Ross' office with a big smile on her face. Dr. Ross took one look at her and laughed.
"Well, well, well… Someone looks happy."
Amy flopped merrily onto the couch. "You were right."
"Ooh, I love when that happens!" Dr. Ross joked, making Amy laugh. "What about?"
"Sheldon and I are back together and he made the move," Amy said cheekily.
"Well, it sounds like congratulations are in order. You seem pleased."
"I am."
"Did you talk things through?"
"We sure did. I was open and honest with him and told him how I felt… And it seems like he's really going to make some changes. He says he's now Sheldon 2.0."
Dr. Ross chuckled. "Do you mind telling me what all you discussed?"
"I've actually been dying to come tell you about it. I really want your input. Maybe there's something I forgot to discuss with him or that you think would be a good idea to discuss. Plus, I told him I was seeing you so he knows now."
"How does he feel about you being in therapy?"
"Well, to be honest, I don't think I've ever heard him say a positive word about psychology. He thinks the social sciences are 'hokum.'"
Dr. Ross chuckled. "Somehow that doesn't surprise me."
"I explained to him that I needed someone to talk to who was impartial; someone who wasn't a part of our group. That all of our friends are the same." Amy shrugged. "He didn't have anything negative to say, so I suppose he accepts it."
"Would it bother you if he didn't?"
Amy thought about that for a moment, then said, "I knew what he thought about it before I came here the first time. And I'm still here." She smiled. "Plus, I think he's willing to remain quiet on the topic for my benefit. We're still in that honeymoon phase of making up. Also, I'm no longer afraid to tell him how I feel and why something is important to me. I don't think he would argue with that. Not anymore, anyway."
"I'm glad to hear you're no longer afraid to tell him how you feel."
Amy was glad, too. It was freeing, knowing she could talk to Sheldon… Really talk to him. "We talked a lot the night we made up. A lot of things were said that we never would have discussed before."
"That's great news."
"I do have a confession to make, though," Amy said shamefully, looking down at her hands to avoid the doctor's gaze.
"Go ahead," Dr. Ross said encouragingly.
"I went out with Dave again."
Dr. Ross' eyebrows rose. "Before or after you made up with Sheldon?"
Amy's eyes widened as she looked up at the psychiatrist. "Before! Oops, I probably should have made that clear," she said with a slight laugh.
"What led you to make that decision?"
"Two days after our last session, I was in the cafeteria lunch line at Caltech. I overheard Rajesh and Howard talking. They didn't know I was there. Howard was telling Raj that Sheldon had gone on a date with a new physicist that has recently been hired at Caltech. Apparently, she's a beautiful blonde who could have any guy there if she wanted. Then they mentioned that Sheldon was actually having lunch with her that day. They went out after Thanksgiving, after I asked for him back and he said he needed to just be my friend. I… I ran off before the guys saw me."
"Ah." Dr. Ross nodded in understanding.
"I was devastated, to say the least. I thought you were wrong and that everything was over." Amy sighed heavily. "That night I called Dave and asked him to have dinner at my apartment on Saturday, two days later. He accepted."
"Tell me more about what you were thinking when you made those plans with Dave," Dr. Ross requested gently.
"I knew in my head that it wasn't smart. I kept thinking about what you would say... But it just hurt so much, and I thought it was what I had to do to get over Sheldon. And I... well, I talked to Bernadette and she warned me that having Dave over to my place was intimate. She asked if I was ready for that. I foolishly decided right then that I was. I planned to... well, I'm not sure exactly. I don't know if I would have had sex with him, but I was planning to go as far as I could, I guess. It was stupid and I regret it now."
"What stopped you?"
"Dave and I were leaning in to kiss each other when Sheldon knocked on the door. I answered it and told him it was not a good time, but he said he didn't care and started rambling about a song that he had gotten stuck in his head that made him realize he couldn't get me out of his heart. He said if I still wanted to be his girlfriend, then he wanted to be my boyfriend. I said I did want that and then he told me he loved me."
Amy grinned. "Then Dave popped around the corner and told Sheldon to kiss me." She laughed. "So he did. I was shocked. He doesn't like public displays of affection. It was a fairly short kiss. Then Sheldon tried to leave to let me 'get back to my date.' I grabbed him and pulled him back for another kiss. We… didn't stop for awhile. Dave had to show himself out." Amy blushed.
"Did you and Sheldon talk that evening or another time?"
"That evening. He actually ended up spending the night."
"Were you intimate?"
"No. No, I just... didn't want to be away from him and he felt the same, so we spent the night together; just slept." And oh, it had been glorious, sharing her bed with him. They had fallen asleep wrapped around each other and she had never felt so safe and loved in her whole life.
"Had you done that often before?"
Amy smiled, thinking about Fort Cozy McBlanket, and blushed again. "No. Actually, it was only our second sleepover ever."
"That seems like a step in the right direction."
"Yeah." Amy nodded happily.
"So tell me what you discussed with Sheldon."
"Well... we talked about how bad we were at communicating. I apologized to him for not talking to him before we broke up, not giving him a chance to fix things. We discussed the Mars incident and our anniversary when he asked about The Flash in the middle of our make-out session. I told him how those situations made me feel. Oh, and I remembered to use 'I' statements," Amy said with a smile.
"Good. What did he say about Mars? I know that was a big one for you."
"He said he knew he had messed that up back when it happened. He understood why I felt the way I did. And he said he had been thinking about it a lot and realized how selfish he was being. He said he had never really cared if other people thought he was selfish, but he cared about me and what I thought of him. He promised to try harder and asked me to help him, to be sure I talk to him when he gets that way, especially because sometimes he may not even realize it since it's so ingrained in him."
"Wow, that's incredible. Good for him."
"He promised to make me more of a priority in his life." Amy smiled. "Actually, he said all the right things. All the things I had been needing to hear all along."
"Such as?"
"He said I'm the most important thing in his life. That he is committed to me. And that he wants me to be happy being with him. He knew he had made mistakes and even said I did the right thing asking him for a break, because he knew he hadn't been the best boyfriend. That maybe we needed that time apart to realize how important we were to each other."
"That's quite an observation for someone like Sheldon."
Amy nodded in happiness. "Yeah, it is. I told him so." She paused. "At one point things did get a little heated and I forgot to remain calm like you told me."
"What happened?"
"I talked about him leaving on the train... maybe too many times. Because finally he had enough and stood up and started pacing. Up until then we hadn't stopped touching each other the whole time we had been talking."
"He was angry?"
"A little. I think mainly he was hurt and needed to get it out. He had said earlier that my leaving was the most painful thing he had ever been through. And he had been so calm and wonderful up until that point, while I had been crying all over him. He told me that it wasn't fair that when he left on the train, it was a bad thing, but when I left him it was okay. He mentioned me dating other men. How 'easily' he thought I had left him and moved on."
"How did you respond?"
"I reacted... I told him that I only saw those other men because he told me he had asked two women out. He said he hadn't moved on, though, like I did. I accused him of going on a date with the new physicist after I told him I wanted to get back together with him. He basically said he didn't feel that way about her, that they were only friends. Then he... just deflated," Amy said sadly and mimicked Sheldon's posture with her own to show Dr. Ross.
"And he said..." Amy's breath hitched, as the feelings from that moment came rushing back to her. The fear she had felt. "'What are we doing, Amy?' He said it like that, in that voice. It took the wind out of my sails."
Dr. Ross waited, giving Amy the time she needed.
Amy took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to calm herself. "I got so scared, I thought maybe he was having second thoughts and couldn't handle all of the things we had talked about. I thought he was going to run away again."
She pinched the bridge of her nose, pushing on the inside corners of her eyes, trying to stop the tears. That hadn't happened. Everything is okay, she reassured herself silently.
"I grabbed his hands and pulled him down to sit next to me and I apologized to him. Told him I was sorry for hurting him and that I had hurt myself in the process, too. I begged him not to walk away." Amy smiled sadly. "He said he wasn't going anywhere. And he told me it wasn't my fault, that we had both made mistakes. Then we made promises to each other about what things were going to change. I promised to talk to him when something bothers me. He promised to prioritize me in his life. We both promised that we were done running when things got hard. That we would both try harder to do better."
Amy swiped at her eye, stopping a tear before it could fall. She laughed slightly and shrugged. "Then we made out again."
"Did you discuss the Relationship Agreement at all?"
"Oh, yes. I forgot to mention that. I asked him if he really thought we needed one. He explained why he did, that it provides him structure and lets him know what's expected of him. He asked me why I didn't want one and I told him it was because I wanted our relationship to be more organic and more physical. I didn't want rules in place for touching or kissing. And I told him I wanted him to do things for me because he loved me, not because it was in a contract. He agreed to re-write it together. I also told him I wouldn't sign it if there were rules about our physical relationship. That made him a little nervous, but he agreed."
"Have you re-written it yet?"
"No. We haven't had the chance. We decided to do that on our next date night."
"Make sure to stay strong and don't sign it if you don't fully agree with it," Dr. Ross said.
"I won't. Actually, I don't think it will be so bad... We were more physical with each other that night than we had been in our whole relationship before. I told him how much his touch comforts me and he admitted that he likes touching me. I sat on his lap a couple of times, which I've never done before. We kissed... a lot. And we fell asleep holding each other." Amy said with a twinkle in her eye.
"And... well... He admitted something to me," she continued. " Do you remember how the trigger for our break up was the Flash comment on our anniversary?"
Dr. Ross nodded.
"He told me that the reason he asked me that was because he sometimes has to distract himself when we are kissing... in order to, you know, not get too excited," Amy said bashfully.
Dr. Ross smiled. "That's a brave admission for him."
"Yes, it was. He was really embarrassed to tell me that. He said he worries he'll lose control before he's ready, or that I would want to... 'do something about it,' before he was ready. I told him that I would never pressure him and that he can always say no. And that I'm nervous too, that it's new territory for both of us. I also told him he didn't have to worry about hiding it, though, because I'm... his woman."
She crinkled her nose and smiled at that.
"And then... well, let's just say I no longer think he's asexual. I... could... feel the evidence," Amy admitted and felt the warmth in her cheeks as she blushed deeply.
Dr. Ross chuckled. "Well, it certainly sounds like things are moving in the right direction."
"I think so, too. I'm really happy with how our conversation turned out. He was very receptive to everything I said. I truly think things will be better from here on out."
Amy paused, her brows furrowing. "Although, there is one weird thing."
"What's that?"
"Do you remember me telling you about Penny's text?"
"Yes."
"Well, that night, after we got back together, Penny texted me and Leonard texted Sheldon, wanting to know what was going on. They had been there when Sheldon left to come to my apartment. So we called them on speaker phone to tell them we were a couple again. When we were getting ready to say goodbye, I remembered Penny's previous text, so I asked her and Sheldon about it and he went white as a ghost. Penny lied and said she just said that because she knew Sheldon missed me and wanted to get back together. Then she tried to apologize to Sheldon and he was stern with her."
"Did he say anything about it?"
"He said he wasn't ready to talk about it and that he would tell me when he was ready. Do you think it's serious? Should I be worried?" Amy asked quickly, her thoughts going to the worst case scenario again.
"Well, that's difficult to answer seeing as I don't know what her text was about either. What did you say to him when he said he wasn't ready to talk about it?"
"I could see how nervous he was, so I just reassured him that it was okay and he could tell me when he was ready," Amy said.
Dr. Ross nodded. "That's good. If you are still worried about it, maybe you could bring up the subject with him again. Or ask Penny to tell you if it's anything you should be worried about. Tell her she doesn't have to break Sheldon's trust but that you just want to make sure it's nothing to fear."
Amy nodded. "That's a good idea. I'll think about that."
"Is there anything else you discussed with Sheldon that you want to touch on?"
"I don't think so... Can you think of anything that I need to talk to him about? Anything I forgot?" Amy asked.
"No, actually, I think you both did an excellent job communicating your needs and feelings to each other. It sounds like you're on the same page. Make sure you keep it up and don't fall back into old habits."
Amy nodded and smiled happily. "Okay. I've been thinking that I will continue our sessions, probably just once a month, unless something urgent comes up. I think it will be helpful for my relationship with Sheldon. That way you and I can tackle any issues that come up as Sheldon and I go along. Hopefully that will help keep the two of us from reverting back to our old ways."
"I also do couples counseling if you could ever talk him into that," Dr. Ross said with a sly grin.
Amy laughed. "Don't get your hopes up." She paused, then smiled fondly at the doctor. "Thank you so much for all your help these last few months. I don't know what I would have done without your support and advice. I'm not sure we would have had this happy of an ending without you."
"You're very welcome."
End Note: I hope you enjoyed my first attempt at a multi-chapter Shamy fic! I really appreciate all of your support. Thank you!
