For notes, please see first chapter.

Alad(insane!)din: Night 2

The next morning, Harry, Ron, and Hermione moved their camp closer towards London, but not all the way there. Remembering their inexplicable run-in with Death Eaters right after Bill and Fleur's wedding, all of them, even Ron, were inclined to caution. Instead, they spent the night about an hour's journey by car outside of London along the Thames. It was cold, but the feeling of having some sort of plan, this as it might be, gave them a renewed sense of purpose. Even the Horcrux glowed less intensely, as though it was keeping its opinions to itself.

"Okay, we've put up loads of defensive charms, checked the city maps, gotten supplies from a shop, and so far nothing off has happened," Ron said. "Can we have the next bit of the story?"

"I suppose so," Hermione said, looking at the scarce remains of the sandwiches they'd had for dinner. "Let's see, when we last left off, Aladdin had ordered the genie to bring food, which he'd done."

"Yeah, on golden platters no less," Ron said. "Then he was going to sell them for more money, though you'd think people would wonder where this poor kid was grabbing all this expensive stuff. Oh, and we discussed trickster characters and how Aladdin both is and is not one."

Harry nodded, rather impressed at his friend's recall, and a glance at Hermione showed she felt the same way.

"Well done," she said, and Ron beamed. "So Aladdin did indeed sell the gold platters, one by one, but he had no idea of their true worth, and he sold them to the first dealer he found, who was not an honest man at all and gave him only one coin for each of them when in truth they were worth several hundred."

"Oh, now that is rotten," Ron said, visibly upset. "Cheating the poor kid like that just because he didn't know any better."

"It was," Hermione agreed, "but one day Aladdin met a different buyer first and offered him one of the platters, and when the man realized that Aladdin had been cheated, he offered him a fair price. Then he introduced him to some of the others who worked in buying and selling precious metals and gems, and he learned a great deal from them and began to take life a bit more seriously."

"I suppose that's a good thing," Ron said, sounding rather unsure.

"Then one day he did something truly stupid," Hermione said.

"Oh, good!" Ron said, perking up.

"How is that good?" Hermione asked.

"It makes for a better story," Ron said. "If he went about doing serious and responsible things all the time, it wouldn't be much fun to listen to."

Hermione seemed to consider this for a moment, then shrugged and said, "I suppose it wouldn't at that."

"So what did Aladdin do?" Ron asked.

"The palace guards came through the city, telling all the people to clear the streets and close their windows for the princess was going to take a bath," Hermione said.

Ron looked at Harry.

"Just how bad did this girl stink if they had to clear the roads for her?" Ron asked.

"She didn't stink!" Hermione said, then seemed to reconsider. "To be fair, probably most Muggles during the time period didn't bathe terribly often, so by modern standards the whole city might be a bit, well, unpleasantly fragrant. But that's not why they're clearing the streets."

"If you say so, but if they're making this big a deal about the girl taking a bath, it doesn't seem like it's a frequent occurrence," Ron said.

"Well, probably no," Hermione admitted. "The idea was that the princess was not meant to be seen by ordinary people."

"So why's she taking a bath starkers in the middle of the road for?" Ron said.

"She's not!" Hermione said, and Harry was concerned steam might come from her ears even without Pepper-Up Potion. "She going from the royal palace to the city's bath house! They just don't want anyone to catch a glimpse of her, even fully clothed, as she goes from home to the baths and back again."

"Why doesn't the palace have a bathtub?" Ron said. "What kind of rinky-dink pseudo-Chinese semi-Middle Eastern capital city is this if the king doesn't even own a lousy bathtub?"

"Plumbing was different back then," Hermione said. "Also, he's not a king. He's a sultan."

"Right, because the Chinese were known for having loads of sultans," Ron said. "They really are deeply confused, the people in this story."

"Oh, just let it go, Ron," Harry said. "It's not Hermione's fault that whoever wrote the story didn't understand the finer points of ancient plumbing and what Chinese people called their rulers."

"I suppose," Ron said. "So the princess is going to take her once-a-decade bath, which really should take a while I would think. What's that got to do with Aladdin?"

"He decided he wanted to see what the princess looked like, so he hid in the bath house and peeked through a hole in the door," Hermione said.

"Oh, for… he's a peeping Tom!" Ron said, appalled.

"Pretty close. Some versions of the story stipulate that he only saw her fully clothed, though, before she went into another chamber to bathe, but she'd definitely taken off her veil so that her face was visible," Hermione said.

"Uh huh," Ron said. "Somehow I'm not buying that."

"Honestly, I'm probably not either," Hermione said. "The original versions of some of the Arabian Nights were pretty, well, intense."

"So, was she pretty without her, um, veil?" Ron asked.

"Dazzlingly beautiful, and Aladdin was completely thunderstruck as he'd never seen an unveiled woman before except his mother, and she was very plain," Hermione said.

"Wait, he'd never seen a woman's face before aside from his mum's?" Ron asked.

"In that country, wherever this is supposed to be, women only went about with veils over their faces, which is actually a fairly important point later in the story," Hermione said. "It's supposed to be a way of preserving their modesty."

"Did the men wear veils over their faces too?" Ron asked.

"No. Remember that the magician said that Aladdin looked just like his father when he met him?" Hermione said.

"Okay, so why are the women walking around in veils all the time but not the men? Doesn't their modesty need protecting?" Ron asked.

What followed was a highly confusing half hour during which Hermione went into the concept of the male gaze, Eastern and Western double standards in female dress versus male dress, a diatribe on modern fashion in all corners of the worlds and its bizarre demands on the female form, and (about here Harry had mentally checked out so completely that he wasn't entirely sure he was getting this part at all) the history of women's hats. Finally, Hermione stopped, and Harry woke up enough from his stupor to check whether Ron was still conscious.

"Right!" Ron said abruptly, as though he'd just missed his cue. "Uh, dowries are bad!"

Hermione stared at him.

"Dowries are good?" he tried again.

"I wasn't even discussing… oh, never mind. The long and short of it is Aladdin saw Princess Badroulboudour without her veil and fell madly in love with her, and I mean that nearly literally."

"The princess what?!" Ron said.

"Her name is Badroulboudour," Hermione repeated. "In Arabic it means 'full moon of full moons.'"

"So the Chinese people speak Arabic," Harry said.

"Yes, the Chinese people speak Arabic," Hermione said with a long suffering sigh.

"Full moon, huh? Kind of fitting for a girl he met in a bath house," Ron said.

Harry immediately burst out laughing while Hermione rolled her eyes and put her head in her hands.

"Oh, come on, I had to say something or Fred and George would have disowned me when I got back," Ron said. "It was too easy."

"Yes, so after the poor girl had been leered at against her will by a crude boy who was actually committing a crime," Hermione said, which rather shut up Ron and Harry, "Aladdin went back to his mother, acting very much like he was ill."

"Serves him right, I suppose," Ron said. "What's he got?"

"According to his mother, insanity," Hermione said. "He told her what he had done, and she quaked in fear that at any moment the door would burst in and they would both be put to the sword or worse for the insult to the sultan's daughter."

"Wait, why would they kill the mother?" Ron asked. "What did she do?"

Hermione just looked at him.

"Oh. Right. Patriarchy. Sexist bias. Always the mum's fault. Got it," Ron said.

Hermione nodded, then said, "And to add insult to injury, he told his mother that he wanted to marry the princess, and if she didn't go to the sultan and beg him for his daughter's hand in marriage to her son, he would die of grief."

"Bit melodramatic, isn't he?" Harry said. "He's seen one girl once for about ten seconds and he's ready to die over her?"

"Apparently," Hermione said.

"Why's he sending his mum to ask the king, er, emperor, no, wait, the sultan about the princess?" Ron said.

"That's the way these things were handled, and still are in some places. The mother is the one who puts forward her son's proposal of marriage to the prospective bride's father," Hermione said.

"Blimey, that wouldn't have ended well for Bill with Mum talking to Mr. Delacour about Fleur," Ron said, shuddering. "She probably would have gone behind his back to talk to Ted Tonks instead."

"Possibly," Hermione said, and Harry noticed a rather unpleasant glint in her eye.

Harry could never quite understand why she and Ginny hated Fleur so much. It must be one of those girl things. Rather like why Cho hated Hermione. Actually, aside from Lavender and Parvati, he wasn't sure he could think of any two girls who were fast friends at Hogwarts. Even Luna and Hermione seemed at odds most of the time.

"So Aladdin asks his mum to go to the sultan to ask about marrying Princess Bad Droopy Drawers?" Ron said, immediately breaking the tension.

"Princess… Bad… Droopy… Drawers," Hermione said, enunciating each syllable as though it was her last link to sanity.

"Or whatever her name was. That one's harder than Turniphead's was," Ron said. "Back me up on this, Harry."

"It's definitely the hardest one so far," Harry said, wishing he could stay far out of the line of fire here.

Hermione sighed again, but went on.

"The mother refused to go to the sultan unless she brought a fitting gift with her, and Aladdin brought out the fruits he had picked in the underground chamber where the lamp had been," Hermione said.

"That was weeks, maybe months ago, wasn't it?" Ron said. "What would the sultan want with a pile of rotten fruit?"

"It turned out it wasn't fruit at all," Hermione said. "From his time speaking with the jewelers and gold smiths and other craftsman who worked in fine and expensive things, he'd come to realize they were actually gems."

"Gems?" Ron asked. "Growing on trees?"

"Magic trees," Hermione pointed out, then added, "magic trees that don't follow any of the actual rules of magic, of course, but yes, they were gigantic rubies and sapphires and diamonds and emeralds and pearls and topazes, all of them the size of oranges, and all of them of the highest possible quality."

"No wonder he couldn't eat them when he was stuck down there three days," Harry said.

"Pearls aren't gemstones," Ron said.

"What?" Hermione said.

"Pearls. They're not actually gemstones. Not actually stones at all, really. They're just a bit of dust that gets stuck in some bivalve's craw and gets covered in nacre, so basically, they're big lumps of hardened clam spit," Ron said.

Harry stared at him.

"Okay, the science on that is a bit off, and technically pearls actually are classified as gemstones, though you're right that they aren't really stones, but I've never heard pearls referred to as 'lumps of hardened clam spit' before," Hermione said, giving Ron a very curious look. "Where on earth did you find that out?"

"A book," Ron said, looking immensely pleased with himself. "When we were trying to help Harry breathe underwater, there was one book that went into pearls and their uses in potions. Nothing to help the situation, but it sort of stuck with me."

Hermione looked impressed, and Harry had to hand it Ron. This time, he'd managed to keep his foot completely out of his mouth and had referenced reading and researching and retained the information. Aside from declaring his undying love, it was probably the next best thing at getting Hermione genuinely interested.

"Okay, so what does Al's mum do with the small fortune in gigantic precious stones or hardened clam spit?" Ron asked.

"It still took quite a bit of convincing, and eventually Aladdin threatened to kill himself if his mother didn't go to the palace and win him the princess," Hermione said.

"Over a girl he saw stepping into the bath once and never even talked to?" Ron said. "That's outright mad."

"I tend to agree, but it worked and his mother went to the sultan, even though she was terrified," Hermione said.

"Why terrified?" Ron asked.

"She was afraid he might kill her for being presumptuous and suggesting his daughter marry a common boy from the streets," Hermione said.

"Okay, I can see that," Ron said. "But she did go to the palace?"

"Yes, with the jewels in a basket that was covered in an old rag so that she wouldn't be set upon in the streets," Hermione said.

"Smart," Harry said.

"Yes, but she didn't take the cloth off when she went to the sultan's general audience, so no one knew what she had," Hermione said.

"What's a general audience?" Ron asked.

"Oh, each day for one hour any citizen of the city, rich or poor, high or low, could go to the palace and request the sultan's judgement on a problem or question," Hermione said.

"That seems pretty fair," Harry said. "At least he tried to be fair."

"He did, but so many people showed up at each one that he never got through more than a handful, and dozens were turned away," Hermione said. "Aladdin's mother was one of them. Each day for weeks she came home again, carrying the gems and not having been able to speak to the sultan."

"Poor thing," Ron said, looking sympathetic. "She's probably getting passed over because she looks poor."

"That's precisely what it was," Hermione said, "but eventually the sultan asked his vizier about the old, tattered woman he'd seen attending so many of the audiences, and the vizier said he knew nothing about her but would bring her forward if it would please his highness."

"So the sultan at least kept his eyes open," Harry said. "I feel a little optimistic that the poor woman isn't going to wind up dead at any rate."

"Aladdin's mother hoped the same thing when she was brought before the sultan's throne. She prostrated herself before him on the floor, and said, 'O great sultan, I am only a poor widow. I beg of you a boon.' 'And what is that, good woman?' 'That no matter what I may ask you, that you will not kill me,'" Hermione said.

"Gets to the point, doesn't she?" Ron said.

"Yes, but it worked. He agreed not to kill her, even swearing to it, and she said, 'I have but one son, and he is all my joy, but he languishes for love of your daughter. He begs her hand in marriage from you, and he sends this poor gift as a small token of his great passion for her,'" Hermione said. "Then she took the cover off the basket."

"She got the theatre of it down right," Ron said.

"It certainly seemed that way. The people in the room had responded to her by laughing at first, but when the jewels were revealed, each of them glowing with inner fire, those who had mocked her were struck silent, and the sultan's eyes grew large when he saw them," Hermione said.

"How big are these diamonds and things?" Ron asked.

"Oh, maybe the size of a Bludger each," Hermione said.

"Okay, that's pretty impressive, but he's not going to just sell his daughter to some kid he's never even seen, is he?" Ron asked.

"Not exactly," Hermione said. "The sultan asked the woman to rise and said that he would consider her son's suit, but he required a greater gift for his daughter, which greatly upset the vizier, for his own son was already betrothed to Princess Badroulboudour."

"Wait, she's already engaged?" Ron asked.

"Yes," Hermione said.

"Well, that should end that, shouldn't it?" Ron asked, looking confused.

"One would think, and the vizier was silently furious, but the sultan realized that if the boy had jewels like this, perhaps a better match could be made," she said.

"But… shouldn't someone ask Droopy Drawers?" Ron said.

"Badroulboudour, and no, she probably had no say in her impending marriage to the vizier's son or to Aladdin," Hermione said. "The sultan would get to decide who she married."

Ron shook his head in disgust, then said, "I don't think I like patriarchy very much."

Harry scored yet another mark in Ron's column as Hermione smiled at Ron.

"I quite agree," she said. "The sultan, however, had not entirely forgotten the vizier. He called the man aside and said that he would allow the vizier's son three months to come up with a gift equal to the one of Aladdin's mother. Then he turned to the woman and told her that he accepted her proposal but that he needed three months to put together various presents and furniture for his daughter's dowry."

"So he lied to her," Ron said.

"Pretty much, yes," Hermione said.

"And he took the diamonds and stuff," Ron said.

"Yes."

"What a prat," Ron said.

"Yes," Hermione agreed. "Aladdin's mother, however, did not suspect she had been tricked and went home to tell her son of his remarkable good fortune."

"Did anyone bother to tell the princess any of this?" Harry asked.

"Probably not," Hermione said. "Aladdin was rapturously happy for two months, but one morning he awoke to great rejoicing in the city. When he asked people why they were hanging garlands of flowers and preparing rich meals, they responded that today was the wedding day of the princess to the vizier's son."

"So he managed to come up with a whole basket of Bludger-sized jewels in only two months?" Ron asked.

"The story doesn't actually say that. It's implied that the sultan was hoping that everyone would just forget about the insignificant boy who had dared ask for the princess's hand," Hermione said.

"Nice," Ron said. "So what's Aladdin do?"

"He was beside himself with sorrow over the betrayal and wept most of the day, though his mother silently thought this might all be for the best, but then he remembered the genie," Hermione said.

"Which one?" Harry asked.

"The one of the ring," Hermione said.

"Okay, so what did he ask for this time?" Harry asked.

"When the genie appeared, Aladdin asked him if the princess and the vizier had yet, um, well, completed the formalities of the marriage," Hermione said, blushing.

Ron looked confused.

"The what?" Ron said. "Like, had they signed a contract or something?"

"No, no, that was already done, the ceremony was over," Hermione said a little quickly.

"Then what was he… ooooh," Ron said, the light dawning. "Right. So had they?"

"The genie said they had not, but it was only a matter of minutes," Hermione said.

"Am I the only one who finds it incredibly disturbing that the genie is able to just know that?" Harry said, looking a bit ill.

"No, you're not," Ron said. "That's the second Peeping Tom in this story. This poor girl's got no privacy at all."

"No, she really doesn't," Hermione said, "and it's about to get worse."

"Do I even want to know what Aladdin asks the genie to do?" Ron said.

"He told them to pick up the bridal bed with the newly married couple still in it and put it in his own bedroom," Hermione said.

"Nope, turns out I didn't want to know," Ron said. "This is just plain weird. So what does he do when Mr. and Mrs. Vizier arrive despite being highly busy with other business at the time apparently?"

"They were both rather stunned at having a giant genie break into their room then pick up the bed and carry it through the air in the darkness, then set it down in an unknown, poor house, so they were terrified," Hermione said.

"That really would be horrible," Harry said, "especially if they didn't know anything at all about magic."

"Summoning Charm," Ron suddenly said. "It's like when Harry summoned his broom during the first task in the Triwizard tournament. Same general idea anyway."

"I suppose so," Hermione said. "I guess if someone had been sitting on your broomstick at the time, he or she would probably have been pulled along as well."

Harry did his level best at trying to keep Ron from making any crack regarding sitting on a broomstick and what the couple had most likely been up to, but he had a feeling that this one was going to be a lost cause.

"Heh, broomstick," Ron said with a laugh that was nearly as bad as anything else he could have said, and Hermione put her face in her hands.

"Yes, do let's go back to age twelve," she mumbled.

"Um, okay, so, what then?" Harry said, trying to get the story back on track.

"When they arrived, Aladdin told the genie to take the bridegroom to the woodshed behind the house and lock him in with the rats," Hermione said. "Aladdin left the princess in the bed and climbed in beside her and went to sleep."

Harry and Ron exchanged looks.

"Went to sleep?" Ron asked.

"That's what the story says," Hermione said.

"Nothing else?" Ron asked.

"There are obvious implications that can be drawn, but the story itself says he went to sleep," Hermione said.

"Good, because otherwise Aladdin would really need to be brought up on charges for that," Ron said. "Well, actually, he should already be accused of two counts of kidnap, but you know what I mean."

"I do indeed, and I heartily agree," Hermione said. "The next morning, just before dawn, Aladdin called up the genie again and told him to take the bridegroom from the woodshed, put him back in bed with the princess, and deliver the bed back to the bridal chamber without anyone else being the wiser."

"And what did the sultan say when they told him what happened?" Harry asked.

"They didn't say anything at all," Hermione explained. "They were both in too much shock."

"I can't say I blame them," Harry said.

"Yes, but the sultan did," Hermione said. "The rest of the wedding guests were perplexed about why the couple looked so horrified and wouldn't speak, and the sultan found it insulting, but he decided to be patient and wait to see what the next day would bring."

"And what did it?" Ron asked.

"Aladdin did the exact same thing that night, with identical results, and sent the couple back the next morning even more terrified," Hermione said.

"I'm really not getting what his plan is here other than maybe killing them both with sheer terror," Harry said.

"I'm not sure he really had a plan at this point, but when the sultan saw that the couple were still in the same state or worse, he told the princess's mother to speak with her," Hermione said.

"I'm guessing there have probably been quite a number of those horrified mother-daughter conversations the morning after a wedding back in the day," Ron said.

"Most likely there were, but not in this case. The sultana tried to get her to speak, but she simply wouldn't open her mouth and looked about her with wide, terrified eyes," Hermione said.

Harry couldn't help feeling sorry for the poor girl, but Ron was looking confused.

"Sultana? There's a talking raisin in this now?" Ron asked.

"What? No! No, a sultana is the name for the wife of a sultan. I'm fairly sure the raisins were named after them, not the other way around," Hermione said.

"Oh, good," Ron said. "This story is weird enough without anthropomorphic dried fruit."

Hermione looked at him for a long minute as though she were trying to figure out if he were in earnest or not, that took a breath and continued on.

"The sultana," Hermione said, pausing after the word as though now even she found it odd, "returned to her husband to report that the princess was still unable to speak, and he said he would give the couple one more night, then if neither of them would explain their behavior, he would kill them."

"Nice guy," Ron said. "Wild guess? The genie kidnaps them again?"

"Yes, and everything went just as it had the previous two nights. After they were returned in the morning, the sultan came crashing into the bridal chamber and demanded that one of them tell him what was going on or they would be executed," Hermione said.

"Yeah, that'll put them right at ease," Ron said.

"Finally, the princess spoke to her father alone, for they were quite close in affection," Hermione said.

"Except for the whole threatening to kill her part," Ron said.

"Yes, well, I suppose every relationship has its ups and downs," Hermione said, though it sounded very sarcastic. "At last she told him of the awful demon who stole the bed each night and took away the bridegroom and the strange man who would get in her bed, though she could not describe him as it was always so dark. The sultan thought this sounded like madness."

"I can see that," Harry said.

"Yeah, but he won't kill Droopy Drawers for that, will he?" Ron asked, looked concerned.

"No, but he decided to test her strange story by having the vizier question his own son about what happened. The groom did indeed give an identical account to that of the princess, except he explained he was kept in a horrible prison filled with rats each night as well," Hermione said.

"As plans go, this one wasn't lousy," Ron said. "Well, unless they'd both come up with the story ahead of time, but still, the sultan does seem to have a few working brain cells here."

"Yes, and he came to the conclusion that a demon had cursed the marriage, possibly because he had gone back on his word to the mother who had brought the jewels to his palace. Being the sultan, and with the full approval of the vizier's son and his own daughter, he had the marriage annulled on grounds on non-consummation, and the wedding feast came to an abrupt end," Hermione said.

"Abrupt end?" Ron asked. "Wouldn't it have been going on four days by that point?"

"Yes, but a royal wedding could be celebrated for weeks," Hermione explained.

"Blimey. Mum would have had kittens if Bill and Fleur's wedding went on that long. She barely made it through that mess as it was," he said. "Where would everyone have slept? The bill for the food would have been more than Dad makes in a couple years!"

"It was a way of showing off how wealthy the sultan was, to be sure," Hermione said, "and that was the usual thing back then, but it must have been extremely expensive."

"Especially since it didn't work," Harry said.

"No, it didn't," Hermione said, "but the sultan didn't have to wait very long for another opportunity for a wedding. Aladdin waited until the full original months were up, then sent his mother back to the court of the Sultan to collect on his promise."

"Something tells me it's not going to be that simple," Ron said.

"Of course not. Nothing is easy in this story," Hermione said. "The sultan saw her and, remembering his promise and the possible consequences that his visited his daughter's nuptials when he went back on his word, he decided to try to find a way to undo the damage."

"Why does this sound suspiciously like he's going to tell her do something impossible?" Harry asked.

"Because you've figured out the sultan's character," Hermione said. "The sultan decreed, 'O worthy woman, I cannot allow my daughter to be taken away from me and forced to live in poverty in an unequal marriage. Therefore, let your son prove his love for her by a gift to me of forty golden basins full of the same sort of jewels you have already given, carried by eighty slaves, all dressed handsomely, and when he has done this by tomorrow's audience, then I shall consider his suit."

"He wanted what?" Ron asked, sounding horrified.

"Eighty slaves carrying forty gold basins filled with gigantic jewels just to consider the situation," Hermione said.

"He'd asking for people?" Ron asked. "That's just sick!"

"Again, long ago, it wouldn't have been unheard of, but yes, it's very disturbing," Hermione said. "Granted, he didn't think Aladdin would be able to do it."

"But he could," Harry said. "With the genie, that's possible, right?"

"As it turned out, yes," Hermione said. "The mother went home, hoping her silly son would see reason now, but he merely sent her out to buy provisions for dinner, and no sooner was she gone than he rubbed the lamp and that genie appeared."

"So the lamp genie is for really ridiculously hard stuff, like making gems appear out of nowhere, while the ring genie just kidnaps people and moves them around?" Ron asked.

"That seems a fair assessment," Hermione said. "The ring genie got him out of the cave and transported the princess and the vizier's son back and forth, but the lamp genie provided all the food that never spoiled and the golden plates. And yes, he does provide the eighty slaves, forty golden basins, and all the jewels as well."

"So when ol' Mum comes back from the market?" Ron said.

"Yes, there were eighty more people in the house, and she was stunned, still not realizing just how Aladdin was managing this in spite of having seen one of the genies before," Hermione said. "The next morning, when it came time for an audience with the sultan, she returned with the whole group of them, who bowed low before the sultan and extended the golden basins in offering before him."

"Bet he liked that," Ron said unpleasantly.

"He did indeed as the jewels were the finest he had ever beheld and the slaves dressed so richly and with such handsome faces they might all have been kings," Hermione said. "So, with the vizier's blessing, he urged the woman to bring her son forth that he might embrace his new son-in-law and heir to the throne."

"Didn't he care at all what the fellow was like? Whether he knew how to rule or what kind of person he was?" Ron asked.

"He assumed, as a great many people do, that if someone has money, he or she is obviously intelligent and trustworthy," Hermione said, "which is of course just this side of lunacy. By that logic, the Malfoys would be the smartest and kindest people in Britain and Lucius would make a wonderful Minister of Magic."

Harry and Ron both shivered simultaneously as it was precisely the sort of thing Voldemort would do if he could, though Lucius would only be his puppet.

"Right, so the mother ran home to tell Aladdin the good news," Hermione said, sounding like she wanted to move on from that image. "Aladdin was thrilled, and as soon as she left the house, he called on the genie of the lamp to prepare him to meet his father-in-law-to-be. When the genie appeared, it asked, 'O master, what would you have me do?' and he responded, 'I want a bath.'"

Ron snorted. "A bath? Seriously, that's the best he can come up with?"

"Well, it's where he started. By the time he was through, Aladdin had the best bath of his life, the most splendid suit of clothes ever worn, and a stunning horse to ride, along with a line of yet more slaves, plus female slaves to wait on his mother, who would be carried to the palace in a sedan chair and given many dresses of fine material as well. He also requested 10,000 gold coins split between ten bags, and he ordered the slaves to throw six bags of coins into the crowds to win the support and loyalty of the people as he journeyed to the palace," Hermione said.

"That's quite the make-over, bath and all," Harry said.

"What did he do with the other four bags of gold?" Ron asked.

"Gave them to his mother as a present for her to do with as she liked," Hermione said. "She hid them."

"I can't say I blame her," Ron said. "Still, he does know how to make an entrance, doesn't he?"

"The sultan thought the same thing as the entourage road up to the palace steps," Hermione said. "However, he had one more condition before he would allow Aladdin to marry the princess."

"He wanted the moon?" Ron asked. "A few dozen unicorns? The head of Merlin?"

"No, he wanted a palace for his daughter to be built, a truly grand one, worthy of someone of her blood," Hermione said.

"It sounds more like he's playing for time," Harry said.

"How so?" Ron asked.

"Think how long it would take to build a gigantic palace," Harry said, "getting it ready from the ground up, painting it, furnishing it, hiring people to take care of it, everything. With the tools they had back then, it would probably take the better part of a decade."

"True," Ron said. "He's stalling so he doesn't have to marry his daughter off to Aladdin."

"He probably was," Hermione said, "especially as it was the vizier who had whispered the idea in the sultan's ear, most likely in hopes that somehow his own son would still marry the princess instead. However, if that was their plan, then it backfired spectacularly."

"Wild guess. He used the genie as a contractor?" Ron asked.

"You've guessed correctly. Aladdin went home, rubbed the lamp, and asked the genie to build him the most spectacular palace ever seen on a stretch of land not far from the sultan's home. It was to be built of the most expensive, beautiful, and rare stonework. He was very specific about what he wanted to, including all the outbuildings, the bedrooms, the kitchens, the dining rooms, the music rooms, a treasury filled with bags of money, and fountains and furniture for each season and servants and horses and guards and gardens and carriages and stables and fine clothes and everything you can possibly imagine."

"He doesn't ask much, does he?" Harry said with a snort.

"And on top of everything, the most wonderful room of all was to be a perfect square with six windows in each wall. The walls were to be made of alternating layers of gold and silver bricks. The lattice work of each window, with one exception, was to be covered in emeralds, rubies, and diamonds of unexcelled beauty and in the most exquisite patterns, but the last window was to be left free of any adornment," Hermione said.

"Okay, that's odd," Ron said. "What's he planning on doing with the one window in the middle of the giant explosion of wealth?"

"He has a plan, as always," Hermione said. "Then Aladdin commanded the genie to have the palace finished by dawn of the next day."

"There's got to be some kind of limit on this thing's power," Ron said. "It's way too much to ask for."

"But the genie managed it, exactly as Aladdin had asked for and even more splendid, and when the sultan awoke the next morning and looked out his window, he saw the palace with a great red carpet extending from its door to that of the sultan," Hermione said.

"This genie needs a vacation in Majorca," said Ron, shaking his head.

"Probably, but Aladdin didn't even say thank you," Hermione said.

"You know, I wonder just how much magic Dobby can do," Ron said, looking at Harry. "I mean, if a house-elf really wanted to, would he be able to pull off something like that?"

"I don't know," Harry said, pondering the question. "That sounds like an awful lot for anybody, but I think he's a lot more powerful than people might think from just looking at him."

"Whether he is or not, his real worth is in his heart, not what he can do," Hermione said. "He's remarkably brave and a steadfast friend."

"He is," Ron said, nodding. "He's a good sort."

Harry nodded in agreement. He missed Dobby, even if the elf's friendship sometimes seemed a bit too much like hero worship to be entirely comfortable. Still, he was utterly trustworthy, and he hoped he was staying safe at Hogwarts.

"The genie showed Aladdin around his new home, and he was well pleased. The sultan, too, from the distance, was stunned at how beautiful it was, but the vizier's face darkened. He told the sultan that no one could have accomplished such a feat on their own without the use of sorcery, but the sultan only laughed at him and said he was envious because his own son had proved a laughing stock," Hermione said.

"And exactly how does he think Aladdin did manage to build something in one night that makes Hogwarts look like a pigsty?" Ron asked.

"He had no idea," Hermione said, "but he assumed Aladdin hired a great many people who worked very hard and very quietly because he was such an excellent commander."

"Or the vizier is right," Harry said.

"He was, but the sultan didn't even entertain the idea. Instead, he bade the sultana to prepare the Princess Badroulboudour for her wedding that day, and a procession that included Aladdin's mother and many slaves and finally Aladdin himself progressed from the new palace to the sultan's by way of the red carpet. The princess was officially presented to her new husband, and great rejoicing and festivities were held for many days in honor of the nuptials," Hermione said.

"And they all lived happily ever after?" Ron said.

"No, because that isn't the end of the story," Hermione said. "However, it's the end for tonight. It's nearly one in the morning!"

Harry glanced at the watch the Weasleys had given him on his seventeenth birthday and saw she was right. It really had gotten late.

"I'm not tired," Ron said with shrug. "You can keep going if you want."

"Thanks, but I think my vocal chords would like to not explode," Hermione said, and she did sound rather raspy.

"Oh," Ron said, looking embarrassed. "Sorry. I guess we could all do with a rest."

"I'm all in, and tomorrow we're supposed to check the Crown Jewels, remember?" Harry said.

"Tower of London. Check," Ron said, looking not particularly happy, but then it seemed he had an idea. "Hey, while we're there, can we eat a decent dinner out?"

Harry and Hermione looked at one another, then back to Ron.

"I don't see why not, as long as nothing horrific happens," Harry said.

Ron's face immediately fell.

"Now that you've said that, you know it will," Ron said dismally.

Harry gave him a good punch to the shoulder and told him cheer up, but he hoped that he hadn't just inadvertently jinxed them all.