He sat fidgeting nervously with his hands. It was 9.55am and he was sat in Stevie's cafe on a table in the back corner. He glanced at the back door proper open with a brick. It was letting in a gentle breeze from the back alley. In front of him sat two coffees. The front door opened and Street's head shot up to look at who was walking through the door. A young girl went straight for the counter and reeled off a list of coffees to go. Street watched her calm demeanour as she leant against the counter waiting for her order to be filled. He tried to calm himself but there was a storm of emotions inside him. This meeting meant so much to him; too much. The rest of his life lay in the next hour of his life. He couldn't go on like this. He needed her back, and he was going to do anything to make it happen.
Five minutes dragged along with the girl at the counter texting away, the barista foaming hot milk into paper coffee cups and a serious looking guy typing away on his laptop squinting into the sunlight in the front window.
He looked down at his phone. One minute, three minutes, six minutes went by. With every changing number the tension rose within Street. He doubted she would turn up; but he would sit here all day if he needed to. He had no other plan and nowhere to be.
Fifteen minutes turned into twenty and the lady behind the counter gave him a sympathy look. He ordered a second coffee and wondered what to do with the spare lukewarm coffee in front of him. Should he order her a fresh one? It was just when he thought it was all falling apart that the door was pushed open and in walked Chris. She slid into the seat opposite him and they found themselves in award silence. This was the most normal situation they had been in since she 'died' and it was quickly turning into the most awkward, how that was possible neither of them knew.
Street looked at Chris, she looked hollow. Sunken cheeks and dark bags under her eyes confirmed his beliefs that she hadn't started to take care of herself. She shifted uncertainly under his gaze. Her hands cupped the mug in front of her and she brought the cool liquid to her lips. She sipped it at first and went to place the cup back on the saucer, but instead brought it back up to her lips and downed the contents. He hadn't expected her to do that.
He was grateful then the barista started walked towards them delivering his coffee.
'Thanks, can we have another one as well please.'
'The same?' she asked him.
'Yes please,' he pushed the new coffee over to Chris as the lady collected the two empty cups. 'Can we order some food as well please?'
'I'll bring some menus over.'
'Thanks.' She left them alone again.
'I thought we were just having coffee,' Chris hissed across the table under her breath.
'I skipped breakfast, I'm starving. You can watch me eat if you insist,' Street should have been able to guess that food would have been a sore spot, but he felt the need to feed her. To make sure she had at least one decent meal this week. 'It's my treat you may as well cash in,' he added hoping to strong arm her into eating with him.
She silently started looking at the menu and he took it as a win. A few minutes later, paper pad in hand, the waitress came to take their order.
'Ready?' she asked politely.
'Please can I have the pancakes, and the waffles,' he ordered first ordering enough for the two of them before she put her order in. 'What would you like?' he asked Chris hoping she would order something for herself, but he wasn't sure.
The waitress turned to look at her and Chris looked to be having some difficulty as she took a couple of seconds to form an answer.
'The omelettes are good,' Street could have kissed the waitress for her suggestion.
'Omelette sounds good,' Chris said quietly.
"Great,' the waitress smiled at her, 'Cheese, cheese and ham, mushroom,'
'Anything,' Chris cut across the waitress, shutting down the list.
'Can I get anything else for you?' she asked.
'That's great thanks,' Street wrapped up before turning his attention back to Chris. 'had a good couple of days?' Chris was more uncomfortable than he had ever seen her, he was sure that if he had handed over the bottle of whiskey already she would have fled.
'Sure.'she paused looking up from the top of her coffee and into his eyes uncertainly. 'You're looking better,' and then their eyes softened and they both relaxed.
'Well it would be hard to look worse,' he teased her, the conversation getting easier. 'look, deep breaths and everything,' he took a deep breath to show her he could do it without being in pain. It wasn't exactly the truth, but it would be in a few days.
'Amazing,' her lips turning upwards at his display. Street couldn't help but smile back at her.
'I saw Tan, you gave him a right shiner,' she looked sheepish for a second judging his behaviour before she allowed herself to speak.
'He left himself wide open. What did he expect. Anyway he landed a pretty good one himself,' she gestured to the fading bruise around her own eye.
'Yeah he was really sorry about that. He didn't want to hurt you. They are all really worried about you. I feel bad not telling them I know you're ok. That we're meeting,' Street had always found it too easy to talk to Chris and he worried he'd said too much again.
'I don't know who they are. I told you the only thing I remember before being Jamie is you, and that is only a few flashes here and there. I can't think of myself as anyone but Jamie. It's who I am,' Chris started her defence. She knew she needed one. She needed it to protect them both and she would eat and then that would have to be it, because she cared too much for this guy she didn't know and it was going to ruin everything.
'We all love you so much. You have so many people who love you. All you have to do is give it time. I know that you can remember them.' Chris shifted like she might stand up and walk away but Street continued he just needed a little more time. 'You have a niece you know. She looks up to you so much. She loves her Aunty Chrissy, she's your partner in crime. Whenever I'm with your family the two or you are cooking up some scheme. Last time we had a barbecue together you convinced her to soak your cousin and then when he got up to chase her you dove in with the water balloons. We were all soaked by the end. Chris watch Street as he recounted the story to her. He was so animated, it must have been fun; but it sounded so alien. Jamie didn't have any family, she'd never been to a barbecue and the whole thing sounded too good to be true. He'd finished his story. Still smiling at her he waited for a response.
'Sounds nice,' the words sounded foreign coming from her lips. She never made small talk with people and certainly never appeased them. She looked behind her to follow Street's gaze. Their food was coming towards them. It was only when she smelt it that she realised how hungry she was.
The food looked amazing and Chris eyed it hungrily as it was placed on the table in front of them. She looked up from the food to Street waiting for him to tuck in before she made her move. He was looking back at her, she couldn't place his expression. She twisted her hands on her lap, she just wanted to dig into the food but he wouldn't start.
'What's wrong?' she finally asked.
'Nothing, do you want to share?' no she didn't want to share, she wanted it all.
'If you want,' she spoke softly.
'Great. Lets dig in then,' he pulled the plate of pancakes towards him and lifted one off the top of the stack and placed it on the omelette plate in front of her. He noticed she didn't move to pick up her culture until he had put the first fork of syrup covered pancakes in his mouth. He tried to act normally about the whole thing, but it was seriously worrying him. This was the kind of behaviour that slaves showed when presented with a meal. He ate a couple more forks of pancakes and she still hadn't done more than pick up her cutlery. What was she thinking? Did she think he was going to take them away from her. Street couldn't work it out and he actively tried to remain oblivious to it.
'Mmmm these are great pancakes. You should try them,' he spoke holding another loaded fork. She lifted her fork and proceeded to cut the pancake. He let out a breath he didn't know he had been hold when she eventually put them into her mouth. Once the first one was in she seemed to block everything else out and her sole attention was on the plate of food in front of her. She ate like she hadn't eaten in a month and he guesses that it wasn't too far from the truth. He relaxed into his own meal sharing out some waffle onto their plates. He got a thank you from her but she continued to focus on the food.
It wasn't long before she started slowing down. Most of the food on her plate was left untouched, but she had eaten and he felt that was a victory.
'What did you like best pancakes or waffles?' he asked her already knowing that pancakes were her favourite. She eyed him carefully once more before replying:
'The pancakes were great,' she smiled back at him.
'You know who makes the best pancakes in the world,' he bragged.
'I don't for a second believe it's you,' she shot him down quickly with her wit and he was glad she was playing along like she used to.
'Oh believe it. It's true,' she rolled her eyes at that one and his heart tugged sharply in his chest. That was Chris; all Chris. 'I can prove it to you all over again if you would like,' his confidence was not lost on her.
'Well those were the first pancakes I remember having so I haven't got much to compare them to.' That shocked him. Her first pancakes.
The banter felt too familiar to Chris. She was falling into his trap.
'Even better I have no competition. That's a win for me. When are you coming over?'
'You don't understand. I can't go back,' suddenly she was serious. Completely out of the blue she shut down the whole conversation and put up her wall. Street watched it rise in a panic.
'You have to. I, I just,' Street was breaking. He reacted from the heart handing her his feeling to stamp all over. He watched her soften and her eyes sadden.
'I know,' she placed her hand over his. 'I know what you've done for me, and I'm so grateful. There was a huge chunk of me missing, but you don't understand. My life is Jamie now.' Tears were filling her eyes threatening to fall. Part of her wondered if she could bring herself to say it out loud just this once, but as she gulped away the tears the words went with them. She couldn't tell him she loved him. She just couldn't.
'You belong with me. With our SWAT family,' Street caught his slip up. Did it really matter anymore, she was leaving him again.
'Jimmy,' she lent forwards and wiped away a tear that was escaping, rolling half way down his cheek. Their eyes locked and for a moment they were the only two people. Then her gaze fell to the table. She owed him an explanation; she owed him the truth. 'I,' she just couldn't do it. She couldn't admit what was holding her back.
'Please. I need to know why.' Neither of them were holding it together. Chris wanted desperately to give in. To go home with him and forget she had ever heard the name Jamie, but there were just somethings that were not going to stay buried.
Chris stood abruptly, her chair screeching backwards across the floor.
'No,' the force behind Street's words made her stop.
'This has to be goodbye,' she could see no other way.
She didn't feel good, her head was swimming. 'I have to,' Chris would have finished her sentence with go but instead she stood, both of her palms on the table trying to steady herself. She tried to breath through the nausea, but the plate under her nose was moving erratically.
'It's ok Chris I've got you,' she relaxed a little as she felt Street's arms take hold of her. She calmed with him close, she could smell him. Chris never clocked that her eyes had closed. She lent in to Street as he bent tucking his arms under her knees and pulled her up into his arms. She felt safe curled up against his chest, surrounded by his smell.
Hi LiveLoveHope33, yes planning to continue with Fight or Flight. Hit a bit of a wall with it so having to push through. I've got an end plan, but not sure how to get there!
