Hoof Hearted

Now that "Link the asshole" was out of the ranch, Malon suddenly had a lot more time to herself. After sucking on a cow's teat for a few hours, she got bored and went out to greet the horsies. She stood in the middle of their adventure paradise and sang Epona's Song. As always, Epona rushed out to let Link ride on her back. Epona got a little bit upset once she realised that Link was gone. She dropped onto her side and had a seizure, kicking her legs all about and neighing uncontrollably. Malon tried to use a fire extinguisher to calm her down, but it did not work. Epona kicked a cucco, causing it to summon the swarm. A cloud of cuccos surrounded Epona, and with the dry powder in the mix, it looked like the place was snowing. Ingo got caught in the crossfire when he came out of the shed to try and rape Malon. He died instantly. The skirmish resulted in just one surviving cucco, who got away with one of Epona's legs. A goat also rammed into Malon for no reason.

So sad.