A/N (PLEASE READ!): I wasn't going to update this in a while, but this is a scene that I started to write for the next chapter, but kept getting deeper and bigger, so I decided to make it into a full chapter. I finished it yesterday because I was in the mood for this fic, so I thought, why not post it?
This is why it's a 2.1 chapter. You can also see it as an extra that is directly linked to the story since this is very important for Sasuke's and Naruto's development. I'll have more to say at the end of the chapter, but you guys might want to read it first. Brace yourselves for some emotional stuff.
Also, I want to thank Aredbittenapple for always supporting me and for drawing amazing fanart that inspires the inner Muse that blesses me with inspiration for this story. You are amazing!
Not betaed.
From Which We'll Rise
Part V: Endless Winter II.I
Naruto hated when Sasuke asked questions. In a way, Sasuke understood it – Naruto was still too green, too excited, too impulsive and too curious to actually take the time to stop and think about the things he did and why he did them in the first place.
If he had to be honest with himself, Sasuke enjoyed Naruto's adventurous and carefree side, which was one of the reasons why he held back on taking the initiative on being intimate or showing affection to the blond. His apparent nonchalance forced Naruto to look at him in questioning and made him seek for Sasuke's attention on a regular basis, his seemingly endless hunger for acknowledgment and response a constant in their daily lives. The conflicting confusion in those expressive blue eyes was highly amusing to watch.
Sasuke wondered if Naruto even realised this – if he realized exactly how often he unconsciously reached out for him just because he could in his genuine curiosity of everything that was Sasuke and them.
However, the more time passed and the more things changed, the more Sasuke wanted to ask questions. How could he not when things just kept getting more and more out of hand?
Sitting on the stony ground with his back resting against Naruto'S naked chest, Sasuke unconsciously held his breath as full lips were pressed to the curve of his neck before teeth scrapped at the spot, rebellious blond locks bushing against his cheekbone. He could feel his friend's slightly shaky breath against his skin, causing small goose bumps to rise everywhere.
The huge bonfire was crackling happily in front of them, the only sound that reverberated gently on that mild night. There weren't many trees around them since they had set camp on the border of Wind Country and the landscapes were gradually becoming less green, sandier and stonier, so the full moon was shining bright in the dark sky above, providing extra illumination.
Since they'd be entering the desert soon, they had taken the chance to bathe themselves thoroughly and wash up the few clothes they owned in a river nearby, so the garments had been strategically stretched over tree branches around them close to the fire to dry during the night. Both Sasuke and Naruto were left in their boxers, but Sasuke had chosen to wear a simple worn out grey sweater as well, and even though neither was particularly cold, somehow, Naruto had pulled him to him so they'd be in that position and Sasuke, after travelling restlessly for days, was far too tired to protest the embrace. Or, well, certain things had become sort of a habit for them, and since Naruto dealt with them so naturally, Sasuke could only go along with it because it was all he could do to get to that next level.
Also, he had to admit that it was really comfortable and relaxing.
It was a strange feeling, too, to be so at ease and so unguarded just because Naruto was around. This only made Sasuke realize that it had been far too long since he could afford to not be suspicious of both his surroundings and of the people around him. It was a gloomy thought.
Usually, Sasuke would be automatically alert no matter what, but he was far too distracted, at least on that particular night, to really be bothered.
Naruto's arms surrounded him, one hugging his neck, the other wound around his waist in a loose grip and he seemed to be very content in pressing small kisses all over the skin exposed to him, fingernails scratching Sasuke's belly underneath his sweater lightly.
"Does this feel good?" Naruto asked, lowly, offering an intense bite to the side of Sasuke's neck before running his tongue over the spot as if to soothe it, causing Sasuke to shift a bit in slight discomfort that was more psychological than it was physical.
"Yeah…" he ended up breathing out before he could stop himself. "Ah…"
The indecorous moan left his mouth without his consent and he frowned, annoyed at himself.
It bothered him that small interactions like these moved him so much. He should have more control than this, and yet, whenever Naruto so much as touched him, his body responded in the most eager ways manageable – which often consisted of him being irreversibly turned on. Most of the times he felt like rejecting the contact was the easiest way out, and the safest way to keep his sanity in check. However, even if it was easy enough to push Naruto away when they were on the road, travelling, it became almost impossible to do so when they stopped for a few hours and basically had nothing better to do.
He had been neglecting his own needs for far too long, he knew that. He had never been very sexually inclined before, and since he had studied enough to know the damage his own grief and anger caused to his body and psyche, he didn't really found it unusual that he had no sexual desire or even curiosity towards such things when all he had cared about was his revenge and his goals. Whatever he knew of sex was knowledge acquired out of his own necessity of not being in the dark considering his age back then. And, of course, out of self-preservation because Orochimaru had a few weird ideas Sasuke had had no desire to indulge out of naivety.
But now... Somehow it was as if, finally, his body had awakened - as if Naruto's mere presence had triggered the most primal instincts he had had no idea he had possessed.
"I love it when you make those sounds," Naruto whispered softly. "It's pretty sexy, to be honest."
Narrowed eyes trained on the fire in front of them, Sasuke had a sense of dejá vu. He bit on his lower lip, swallowing down the dryness in his throat as he couldn't escape the distinct feeling of uneasiness that took him by force.
"Naruto?"
"Mm?"
"Do you think I'm attractive?"
Naruto seemed to jolt a bit in surprise, stopping his apparent seduction tactic at once and lifting his head up. "Why do you ask?"
"I'm just curious," Sasuke muttered, shrugging his shoulders in a nonchalant fashion, even if the lack of those lips almost made him shiver in loss. "After all, you do seem like you enjoy touching me."
"That's because I do," Naruto replied, without missing a beat. "I always knew you were attractive, even when we were kids, but it really bothered me because it just added to the cool factor. I mean, you were smart, good at everything and then you also had to be good-looking."
Sasuke pressed his lips together for a moment. "It's not like anyone is naturally good at things," he said dryly. "People tend to think that we Uchiha were prodigious people, and while most of us did pick up on things rather quickly, the truth is, we all worked pretty hard to achieve our goals."
The fire hissed and Sasuke shifted yet again as Naruto's blunt nails scrapped absently at the skin of his abs in a restless, rough way.
"I know that," his friend said, sounding sheepish. His heart had started beating faster against Sasuke's back. "I… kind of watched you. Like, a lot. I knew how much you trained, and you never were the kind of kid who went to the park to play like all the others."
For a second there Sasuke almost felt like that conversation wasn't happening and that he had somehow fallen asleep in Naruto's arms and was currently dreaming. They didn't really talk about stuff like this all that often, and while Naruto wasn't exactly someone who kept his own feelings and thoughts to himself, it always took Sasuke by surprise when he chose to talk about them and their past. Sasuke himself ran away from the topic most of the times, even if a part of him desperately wanted to talk about it.
A past they had shared but hadn't gone through together. Just like Naruto had watched him, Sasuke had watching him back, and while the blond may have felt the depth of Sasuke's feelings for him, there were details he wasn't aware of.
In a way, Sasuke wanted to tell him these things, these details Naruto didn't know of, but found the words locked up inside of himself. It wasn't the time, yet. Sometimes, Sasuke wondered if the time would ever come.
"I was always eager to go home so I could study or train with Itachi," Sasuke explained simply, sighing and stretching his legs out, crossing them at the ankles of his feet. "He was my best friend and someone I wanted to be like. Everybody loved and admired him, including me, so playing with kids wasn't something that interested me. I liked learning and becoming better. I wanted to be like him. It was important to me to have my family's approval no matter what."
Naruto tensed, sensing the obvious sensitive topic they and chuckled nervously before nuzzling the back of Sasuke's ear with his nose. "You were always very studious. I envied that about you because I hated reading and I couldn't get stuff inside my head no matter what." His arms tightened around Sasuke's form. "Just like you looked up to Itachi in order to become better, so did I look up to you in my own way. But you always seemed so unreachable to me, and even when you lost your clan… we had things in common then, but at the same time, we felt differently towards things and the world. But I always envied your strength, your way to fight harder for what you wanted. Even in your own innocent darkness you never gave up…"
An image of a younger Itachi smiling at him and poking his forehead triggered the memory of his anguish when he had found out about how his older brother had been the one to slaughter their whole clan. Those feelings… Sasuke would never forget them. The feeling of loss, of despair, of shock… but most of all, the sheer disappointment and emptiness he had felt would never be forgotten for as long as he lived.
He had been so young the first time he had felt such deep, painful things. It had been like being stabbed in the stomach, betrayed, beaten up to a bloody pulp and left to rotten someplace dark where he could never be found.
Sasuke still remember it all vividly. Sometimes, he still dreamed of it. He still recalled how most of his pain was caused by that betrayal coming from the person he had loved the most in his small world.
He had hated himself, over and over again, for not being able to forget that unconditional love he had had for his brother. It frustrated him because he knew that, while his anger fuelled his growth as a Shinobi, those feelings didn't seem to leave him and allow him to be where he wanted. No matter how hard he tried, it was never enough and he could never be strong enough.
And in the end… had it all been worth it? Had Itachi's death given him anything other than more grief? More regret? Even knowing that Itachi had done it all for him, out of the same unconditional love…
In the end, Sasuke was still left alone with his own pain and remorse, unable to fix anything, unable to be freed of his anger, of his loneliness, not knowing where to go or what to do.
In the end, he had been left alone with his own demons, once more.
Unconsciously, Sasuke reached inside his sweater with his right hand and grabbed for Naruto's, bandaged one giving it a strong squeeze, which caused the other man to stop talking abruptly, sensing his friend's sudden but dissimulated need for emotional grounding. That they sometimes didn't need words was a strange way to make things easier for them in moments like these.
"You okay?" Naruto asked quietly, "I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't be talking about stuff like this."
"It's fine," Sasuke said, shaking his head from side to side. He was still alone, he knew. Not right now, and not emotionally, no. Naruto would always be there for him, sharing his pain, sharing his longing, but at the same time, just like he hadn't been able to reach Itachi, there were certain places of Naruto's soul Sasuke would probably never be able to reach either.
"Anyway… about you being attractive," Naruto started saying, perceptively going back to the main subject before clearing his throat. "I guess I kind of… never really looked at you like this before? I guess I know you are attractive but… how can I explain it…"
Naruto trailed off for a while, apparently lost in thought, choosing his words carefully, which Sasuke found rather surprising since his friend would usually just spit out whatever was on his mind at the moment. As if to soothe him, he rubbed his chest gently. "It's not just the way you look that draws me in and makes me want to touch you. Sure, you're good-looking, but I admire you. You're my best friend. We have never been very close physically so I guess I automatically want to be close to you if you let me. It feels right."
"Right enough for sex apparently," Sasuke couldn't help but mock.
"Apparently," the other agreed, laughing a bit but stopping almost instantly. His voice then dropped an octave as he made sure he was speaking directly in Sasuke's ear again. "I'm drawn to you in more ways than one. Or did you think that you not having an arm would make a difference in how I see you?"
In spite of himself, Sasuke used his whole willpower in order to not openly shiver at the clear purposeful undertone in those words. Naruto seemed to finally be in the mood for some deeper talking and he had to take advantage of it, not let himself be seduced.
The thought caused him to make a face, and he was glad the man behind him couldn't see it. If anyone would have ever even implied that he could ever feel 'seduced' but his idiot of a friend he would've probably beaten them to a bloody pulp.
"How did you fall in love with Hinata?" He asked instead of commenting, aware of his own cold bluntness and glad that he had sounded as mildly disgusted as he did. "You never really paid much attention to her that I have known of. And don't dismiss it, I have the right to ask questions, Naruto."
Again, Naruto tensed, his energy turning from calm and playful to anxious and uncomfortable.
When the blond leaned back against the rock, Sasuke was ready for the defensive attitude, so he wasn't surprised when both Naruto's hands moved to loosely rest on Sasuke's hips instead, creating a bit of physical propriety now that the issue was Hinata.
Sasuke didn't feel any animosity coming from him, though, just a slight exasperation, so he, too, leaned back more against Naruto's chest, allowing himself to slide down on the ground. Naruto took the chance to lean his chin on the top of his head and sigh.
"You're such a difficult person..." he muttered, not without a bit of annoyance. "The conversation was going so well, too…"
"We'll have to talk about certain things sooner or later, you know that." Sasuke merely said, unshaken.
He could swear he sensed Naruto rolling his eyes.
"Fine," he agreed. "Hinata has been in love with me for a long time, it seems," he started, as if that was literally the last thing he wanted to talk about. "She had confessed to me before, when Pein attacked the village. She almost died for me, too. I didn't really understand what it meant before, and then time passed and I had so much on my mind. There was you, Akatsuki, Itachi and the war and then everything else that kept coming my way. Then, once everything was over, you left after we fought but life moved on and I didn't really think about love or whatever. It wasn't exactly something that actively interested me."
"You didn't think about love with Sakura?" Sasuke inquired, not convinced. After all, Naruto had been in love with her ever since he remembered (or thought that he was, Sasuke's wasn't even sure of the depth of those feelings), so it seemed strange that, after everything, he would not want to pursue her considering how oblivious he had been (and probably still was) to his feelings for Sasuke himself.
"Sakura-chan is a delicate issue, Sasuke," Naruto huffed, more bitterly than expected. "She has always been in love with you. All these years I have been reminded, over and over again that one simply can't steal a person's heart. I stopped trying to convince myself that we would end up together. And then she started helping me, pushing me towards Hinata and I realized that… she was dumping me for good. She may not realize this, but she has said some really mean things to me that made me feel like an idiot."
At this, Naruto trailed off, needing a bit of time to get himself together, the memory obviously painful for him. "As if I didn't understand what love is. I don't understand where she got her ideologies from, but the message was clear to me, so I played along. I pretended like she was right, like I couldn't see that she was merely making a fool out of me and pushing me out of the way, closing herself off to me and throwing me towards someone else. So she could be with you. Now I understand that, maybe, she did it to keep me away from you, as well. I wonder if she knew about this… about us…"
Naruto was clearly hurt. Sasuke wanted to know what, exactly, Sakura had said to him but at the same time, he didn't want to make Naruto hurt anymore but forcing it out of him, so he didn't ask.
However, this made him feel livid beyond words. He had specifically told Sakura that he had no feelings towards her. He had had no intention of taking her travelling with him and no intention of becoming more than a friend to her. He had made it clear, over and over again. He had no idea that she had been the one to push Naruto and Hinata together.
Why would she have done this? She loved Naruto, he knew it. He could see it in her eyes when she looked at him, he could hear it whenever she spoke to him or of him. Maybe it wasn't the same kind of passionate longing she had for Sasuke himself (an attraction he had still yet to understand) but it was a consistent feeling. They could've easily gotten together and been happy.
This didn't please Sasuke, but he knew that, had this happened, Sakura would still find a way to try and put him in the middle – she was a smart girl, she understood what Naruto meant to him, and wouldn't it be just perfect, for her, to have the two men she loved by her side?
But it was too troublesome for someone like her, too sociably frowned upon, not to mention that Sasuke himself had no physical or emotional interest in her, and this wouldn't change even if Naruto was there. She knew this.
If Sasuke had to be honest with himself, when Sakura had approached him yet again after Naruto got together with Hinata, he had thought that he was being chosen as second best. He felt alone and slightly bitter, regretful of what he had put her through in spite of everything, so he had agreed. They had a deal that, on Sasuke's part, has nothing to do with emotional attachment.
He had thought that, in a way, they were both mourning the loss of what could've been with Naruto.
But it wasn't so. She had pushed Naruto away, towards Hinata, so Naruto would lose focus on both of them. She didn't want Naruto to love her, or to ever realize the potential he could have with Sasuke.
If Naruto noticed Sasuke's sudden anger, he didn't comment on it, but still placed a small, chaste kiss upon Sasuke's head where his chin had rested, as if to placate whatever thoughts he thought he might have, which was of little use. Sasuke was enraged.
"I saw Hinata's heart. I didn't think that anyone in this world could possibly feel so deeply for me," Naruto proceeded, more carefully this time. Sasuke clenched his teeth but refrained from interrupting. "I mean romantically. I was flattered. I felt compelled to respect those feelings and try to understand them. I guess that, at a certain point, I realized she was the kind of girl who could give me what my parents wanted me to have."
"Which is?" Sasuke asked, not able to keep the chill from his voice.
"Someone who loved me unconditionally," Naruto replied easily, sounding a lot more composed and mature than he probably felt. "Someone who would take care of me, someone pure, gentle; someone I could start a healthy family with."
A gush of unexpectedly cold wind caressed them. Sasuke felt it as if the gods themselves were naturally expressing the bitterness that had taken over him. He knew he had no reason to be angry – he had been the one to ask for an explanation – but he couldn't help the sickening feeling from making his insides churn with disgust.
Naruto was so naïve. So… stupidly blind. Everything was just fucked up and distorted and unbalanced.
He should've been straightforward to Naruto when he had the chance. He should've asked him to follow him, should've asked for his presence. Not only this, he should've voiced out how much he needed Naruto by his side after everything he had gone through. Things would've been different now. Their feelings towards each other would've grown and progressed naturally and all this unbalanced absurdity that had become their lives wouldn't have happened.
Sakura, Hinata, fate… nothing would've been able to interfere.
He should've made his move when he had the chance…
In silence, he put his hand on Naruto's thigh for support and got up, not looking back at his friend, who surely was eyeing him up in questioning as he took a few steps towards the fire, needing more of its heat to help warm up the inescapable chill he was experiencing. For a moment, he thought he was going to be sick he was so angry but managed to keep his shit together and not give anything away.
He stood there, in front of the fire and hugged himself with his single arm, staring at the scorching flames as if mesmerized.
"Sasuke?" Naruto called out hesitantly.
"So you fell in love with how she felt for you and with the idea of what she could give you?" Sasuke said, scornfully casual, unblinking.
"She's a wonderful, beautiful girl, Sasuke, that's not all there is to it," Naruto defended in a murmur.
"Pfft…" Sasuke spat, in spite of himself. "What else is there, then?"
Behind him, he could sense the other male getting to his feet.
"If you're going to be a bastard about this I'm not talking about her anymore," Naruto retorted from his position, not moving to come closer or walk away.
"Not that I want you to, anyway," Sasuke replied, shrugging his shoulders. "I already got my answer."
"You're angry again," Naruto pointed out, sounding both exasperated and confused now. "And smug. I don't get you."
When Sasuke didn't reply, Naruto's energy became considerably more restless but he did nothing to pressure him. Thankfully, he had been smart enough to realize how dangerous the ground they were stepping on had become.
"When I think about all the things I've done to you in the past, I understand that I have no right to be angry at you, no matter what," Sasuke finally said, forcing himself to keep his tone collected now. "If I am angry, you should pay me no mind."
"I care about your feelings!" Naruto said firmly, taking a few small but brave steps towards his friend until he was standing behind him, but at a safe distance. "You do have the right to be angry at me if it's my fault. And since I know it's my fault, we have to work things through to fix it. That's why we're here. That's why I wanted to be with you in the first place."
This time, Sasuke actually laughed but it had no joy in it. He looked over his shoulder at Naruto's pleading blue eyes that shone with so many things he couldn't bear to interpret at the moment.
"I'm not angry, idiot," he whispered. "I'm just fucking frustrated. I'm frustrated at us. At how things have been going between us and yet you tell me to not ask questions and it drives me crazy. I have the right to understand things, Naruto, because everything is fucked up. Everything between us since we fought is fucked up"
"I know." Naruto admitted, looking to the side with a crestfallen expression. "I'm sorry."
"Don't fucking apologize," Sasuke turned to him with a heavy frown, hugging himself tighter as if it could give him some sort of extraordinary strength or ability to deal with this kind of emotional disturbance he didn't want in the first place. "I just wonder if you even understand the parallels between what you do with your girlfriend and what you do with me. Fuck, you can't possibly be that oblivious."
At this, even in the dim illumination provided by the bonfire, Naruto blushed and closed his mouth tightly. Sasuke watched him contemplatively, wondering if the other would even have an answer for him or if he'd just play dumb again.
He didn't know how much longer he could take being with his best friend the way they were and pretending it wasn't a big deal. It was killing him. Naruto knew him like no-one else did, so he had to know this, even if he chose to ignore it.
"I'm not stupid, I do see the parallels," Naruto ended up saying, looking up at Sasuke as if intimidated by his own confession. His fists clenched at his sides. "I know that we do stuff that only lovers are supposed to do together. I know I'm not supposed to be like this with you when I have a girlfriend back home, waiting for me." His expression changed then, to one of despair and longing, his eyes huge and lost, haunted, and Sasuke found that he couldn't speak.
As expected, Naruto could be painfully honest, but no matter how much Sasuke thought he was ready for it, it always took him off guard.
"I understand, Sasuke, that I shouldn't want to have you in ways that I definitely do. I know my feelings for you go beyond friendship. I always did," Naruto kept on saying, taking yet another step towards him, voice filled with meaning. "After all, we're opposite sides of the same complimentary force. But it's so deep I'm scared of even thinking about it. Also, before, I didn't see that this between us was possible; that we could be like this. That you may want it, too. Up until I kissed you that night I had never considered this to be an option."
With mouth partially open, Sasuke watched as Naruto took a steadying breath and reached out to him with his left hand, the tips of his fingers brushing against his cheek, wistfully but with a trace of hesitance. The fingers were a bit sweaty and they shook, almost unperceptively.
"It's not something seen every day, two guys together," he whispered. "I didn't understand how I felt for you, so I just dropped it. Those feelings were devastating, and they still are. They consume me and I just… I don't know what to do with myself." Sasuke couldn't help but sigh as the hand cupped his face now, but his eyes were hard, unblinking as they stared into Naruto's equally attentive ones. "I thought Hinata was my dead end, the last step of my love life. I didn't think we'd ever come down to this."
"I get that," Sasuke acknowledged, grabbing for Naruto's wrist. "But your confusion brought us here. And you screwed up. By not seeing it, you just…"
"You have Sakura-chan, too!" Naruto hissed, shaking his head from side to side as he quickly moved his hand to the back of Sasuke's head, gripping at the hair there and forcefully bringing their faces so close their noses touched, the action sending jolts of adrenaline and defensive awareness throughout Sasuke's body. So Naruto was on edge, too. Good. "You screwed up, too! How would you deal with this if…"
"Sakura is of no concern to you," Sasuke grunted back defiantly, feeling his anger simmering again. His anger wasn't directed at his friend, though, not all of it. "For you I'd dump her in a fucking heartbeat!"
Naruto groaned in exasperation. "That's so heartless!"
"That's me being honest with myself," Sasuke hissed, gripping at Naruto's elbow with force. The proximity of their faces, the way their breaths mingled between them made him feel dizzy, hot and desperate for that something more he knew it was now his. After all, they were confessing a lot of things to each other they had never voiced before. "That's me not settling for second best!"
Naruto groaned once more before breaking the distance between them and crushing their mouths together, far too easily lured by Sasuke's energy, as per usual, hands releasing Sasuke's hair to rest on his shoulders, gripping the fabric there for dear life.
Sasuke all but released a small, anguished noise with the back of his throat, responding for a while, allowing Naruto's tongue entrance and eagerly tasting everything given to him as he revelled in the intensity given.
Again, and again, he just wanted to drown, but found that the suffocating feeling was unbearable.
Quickly, he regained his wit and nimbly moved his forearm so it was pressing against Naruto's jugular and violently pushing him away, causing the other male to stumble backwards a bit, and barely missing stepping on the fire.
Naruto was panting as he stared at him intensely, a hand coming up to feel his neck. Sasuke frowned dangerously, unconsciously licking at his lips and forcing his own mind to not give into the raw sentimental lust that made him want to tackle the man in front of him.
"What can I do…" he said breathlessly, tone smooth and almost poisonous. "… to make you understand what I want, Naruto?"
"I understand it better than you think," Naruto said as he ran a distressed hand through his messy hair. "Don't you get it? I can't think about it too deeply right now! I know you want answers and you want me to make decisions and come to conclusions, but if I do it right now I'll just feel guilty for Hinata's sake. And for Sakura-chan's sake. They don't deserve it." He sighed, his eyes pleading – a look Sasuke was becoming tired of seeing. "I don't want that. I don't want guilt to stop me from giving you everything you deserve and from having what I want from you. I just want to keep going forward, with you. I want so much. If I start thinking about stuff at this point I won't be able to do it."
Not being able to tell if this made him even angrier or just wretched, Sasuke swallowed hard, his stomach in knots. His heart ached and he didn't know what to do about it. It made him weak, it gave him strength, but it felt terrible and he wanted to get rid of it. He didn't know what to do anymore, yet he knew it was something he had to endure.
He deserved it all and he had to take it. No happiness would ever come to him without a huge amount of pain first, and he had come to understand and accept it all too well. It was his fate, it was what he would have to go through, over and over again to redeem himself for all the sins he had committed.
He felt like a child, constantly seeking for immediate answers, for attention, for results, selfishly demanding things he had no right to demand.
He had no right, when it was his fault as much as it was Naruto's. He was just as naïve, just as stubborn and just as complicated. Only Naruto had other bonds, other people he loved while Sasuke had no-one. It was his obligation to understand. It wasn't in his right to demand things after everything he had done.
"I can't deal with you right now…" Sasuke retorted coldly, turning his back to his companion with every intention of leaving him there for a while. Taking a much needed walk to cool off was the only sensible thing to do at the moment, and he was seriously regretting ever having chosen to talk to Naruto about those kinds of things – they had never really gotten along with words alone, so he should've already known better in spite of their older age.
Naruto moved quietly at an impressive speed, going to him again and preventing him from taking another step as his arms surrounded him by the waist in an iron-like grip.
"You won't fucking walk away from me ever again, Uchiha…" Naruto hissed in his ear, fury evident in his quivering voice.
Sasuke wanted to fight, letting out a menacing sound as his muscles clenched up defensively, but Naruto was quick to press his felt hand flat against his abs before moving it lower, calloused fingers brushing the waistband of his black briefs in a clear warning of what he was intent on doing.
"I don't know what you've done to me, Sasuke," the blond whispered, his breath hot and uneven against the side of his neck. "But I'm wanting to find out. I'm wanting to understand why you make me feel like I have no control over myself when I'm around you and yet, at the same time, know exactly what I want in this very moment and who I am when it comes to you."
Sasuke released growl of annoyance that ended up sounding impatient. How was it possible for Naruto to be so insightful but also so stupid?
No, he wasn't stupid, Sasuke vaguely considered, as Naruto mouthed the back of his ear hungrily, hand not being shy in sneaking its way inside his briefs to tease at his groin, skillfully avoiding his forming erection but still running the tips of his fingers at the bit of pubic hair there. It was enough to have Sasuke squirming a bit in irritation, teeth biting down hard on his lower lip as his arm reached behind him to grasp hard at hairs of Naruto's head, demanding for more as he closed his eyes, panting as the rush of adrenaline from the ministrations and his previous anger did nothing to give him enough willpower to fight it.
Naruto knew what was going on between them, but was too much of a good person to admit to it at this point. He shut his own thoughts down to push his guilt away, his own fear. Sasuke could smell it all over him – that panic that emanated from him, because he was overwhelmed but how much they felt for each other when they were together. The anger, the resentment, the envy, the longing, the frustration, the love, the hatred…. All of them feelings that had been built over years and years of watching each other, wanting to reach out to the other and not knowing how to do so to the point where they had almost killed each other.
Sasuke understood that fear all too well – after all, he felt it, too. Those feelings were unhealthy, so all over the place he had no idea how the hell he was even sane. They were all consuming, violent, and demanding. They were everything to him.
But maybe it was because they were both so fucked up that it all made so much sense. Maybe this was why they needed each other so much and why no-one else seemed to match that.
Naruto was his. Everything of Naruto was his, but this wasn't something Naruto had fully realized or accepted yet. He felt it, too, just as Sasuke himself did, but didn't know how to interpret it and how to respond to it like he should. He wasn't intimidated by Sasuke, but by their feelings.
"You fucking idiot…" Sasuke hissed, directing Naruto's head towards his shoulder with a rough pull of his hair to match Naruto's action, making the other automatically indulge him and push the collar of his sweater to the side with his free hand and nibble hungrily, viciously on the appealing expanse of skin before him. "You just keep saying useless stuff. I fucking hate it…"
"I'm just being honest," Naruto breathed, licking at the abused skin and pressing himself more to Sasuke's back, so much so that he could feel the other's arousal firmly placed between his ass cheeks while his other hand daringly cupped his genitals.
Fuck.
"Fuck you," Sasuke spat. Turning around to face Naruto, he was the one kissing him now with a passion that could only be matched by the lips in front of him.
As always, Sasuke knew that he was hopeless – they both were – as the lines between them gradually faded until they were inexistent. He needed out, away from Naruto so he could breathe, so the ache could go away, even if just a little, and yet, that need seemed frivolous and meaningless when compared with how much he craved that.
And Naruto knew it. He always did because he needed the exact same thing. Naruto knew him, knew when to read between the lines.
Weighted by the intensity, somehow they both ended up stumbling and falling to the ground with a muffled noise of complaint, Naruto on his rear, Sasuke immediately taking advantage to straddle his hips, mouths still glued together meeting over and over again clumsily, tongues willing to devour.
The desire for contact, for release was powerful and all-consuming. Sasuke surrounded Naruto by his neck, pressing himself more to him in need for some friction, but the other male was frantically struggling with Sasuke's sweater. More out of impatience than anything else, Sasuke broke the kiss and lifted his arm up so Naruto could remove the garment as he wanted, and once it was off and thrown to the side, their lips automatically found each other again as Naruto's hands ran all over the body in front in him as if scared that it might disappear without warning.
Sasuke relished in the possessive display of affection, shifting more so he was sitting directly over Naruto's hips and so his ass was directly over Naruto's hardness and his own cock could rub against the other male's solid belly. His mind was a mess and he felt no shyness in moving his hips for more contact, immensely satisfied by the pleasure it gave him and by Naruto's low moan of approval.
"Shit…"
Before he could move more, though, he found himself being efficiently flipped over so he was the one on the bottom now, lying on his back over the stony ground that would surely scratch him up pretty badly. It was terribly uncomfortable, but Naruto was on top of him, now, between his thighs and all he cared about was how the man over him was pushing his underwear down to free his cock. Sasuke desperately tried to free his own erection as well in spite of how the position didn't allow him a lot of space to move.
He caught a glimpse of Naruto's sky blue eyes, filled with lust, longing and despair before his lips were captured again and the other's heavy body fell upon his with its heavenly weight, mercilessly joining their slippery erections together, both elbows on the ground on either side of Sasuke's head and simply thrusting.
The needy grunt that left Sasuke's throat made Naruto moan indecorously, moving against him faster, relentlessly. The contact hurt – it was rough, blissful and didn't seem nearly enough, so Sasuke all but would his legs around Naruto's torso, urging him on, using his thighs to move in a senseless tempo with the other, as his hand was pressed against the back of Naruto's hand, his touch oddly gentle considering the violent body language they were using.
Like animals in heat, they rutted as if the earth might swallow them whole, panting against each other, bodies sliding, hard and slippery against each other from recently formed sweat, their pre-cum mixing together as their cocks rubbed in the most delicious and avid of ways.
Naruto broke the kiss for a while so he could move his mouth to Sasuke's left shoulder. He kissed it several times, also a surprisingly gentle action considering how wildly they were behaving, then kissed lower, to the remains of Sasuke's arm. He kissed it as if it was something precious, as if to offer some kind of reassurance, but there was a devoted sadness to it that make Sasuke's breath catch inside his chest and his balls tighten with his upcoming orgasm. He swallowed a frustrated sob and felt the same restrained emotion coming from the other as he came all over himself and Naruto with a far too loud set of moaned curses, his limbs quivering from the sheer physical force of it and the emotional strain he had been experiencing for the last hour.
Naruto pulled away slightly to brace himself with his hands on the ground now, eyes lost but abnormally focused as they stared deeply into Sasuke's, his movements as frantic and desperate as ever. In awe, Sasuke stared as Naruto also came with lips slightly parted so a soft grunt could leave them, a shudder raking his body when his seed left him, eyes lever leaving the dark ones below him as if in fear that he might break if he looked away.
As Naruto's body came to stop, Sasuke couldn't even have the strength to feel anything but amazed, satiated and so, so very tired.
Both breathing hard, they stared at each other for a long time, neither saying anything nor daring to move.
Then, Naruto allwed himself to fall on top of Sasuke with his head over his chest, uncaring of the mess between them. Looking up at the starry sky above him, Sasuke could do nothing but hold him with his single arm, his thighs lowering so he could place his feet on the ground.
He felt empty all of a sudden, yet he knew he had acquired at least a little bit of what he wanted. He was torn between relief and anguish, anger and happiness.
Everything was fucked up.
"Don't hate me," Naruto begged, quietly, sounding vulnerable. "I couldn't stand it if you hated me at this point."
Sasuke sighed.
"I don't hate you," he said, in a bland way. "I just wish you were simpler to deal with."
"Right now, you're my best friend, my family and my lover," Naruto muttered. "When the time comes we'll talk about it again and I'll have my answer for you." He hugged Sasuke back as much as he could, swallowing hard. "You just need to understand that this is huge turn for me. It's my whole life, the decisions I've made, my goals, my future… everything's at stake here. So many things would change. So… please, just wait for me, Sasuke."
Ah, yes. Of course. The last cruel card, the one that would give him hope for what might never come to be.
How cruel and selfish. But then again… hadn't they both been selfish for each other ever since the very beginning?
Wasn't Sasuke being selfish right now, in wanting Naruto to leave everything for him after all he had put him through? After trying to kill him several times?
"That's all I ever seem to do," Sasuke whispered, closing his eyes.
TBC…
Replies to Unsigned Reviews:
Guest: Sorry, Gaara doesn't show up in this chapter yet, but he will on the next one ;)
Shane: I don't think Sasuke wants to blatantly say that to Naruto. Something like that could drive Naruto away from him because Naruto has always reacted badly when Sasuke badmouthed someone. So, Sasuke wants Naruto to understand it for himself and genuinely see what he wants and what makes him really happy. Also, about the seduction thing… I think that Sasuke's existence alone is enough to seduce Naruto xD I mean, from the moment he allowed Naruto intimacy, that was all it took for Naruto to be lured in over and over again. It was only a matter of time before longing turned to lust and Naruto would want to have Sasuke as a lover. So, in a way, this proves that Sasuke knows how to play Naruto very, very well even through the ups and downs ;)
Burr: Thank you for reading and commenting! I'm glad you're enjoying it so far. Yes, I'm planning on a happy ending, but there will be lots of drama in the middle, so be prepared for that!
HB: Thank yooooou! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far! I did want this fic to just be a sort of 'behind the scenes' of what happened before chapter 700 and during those times. We'll get here, eventually, so obviously the readers should already know that, in spite of what's happening, Naruto will still marry Hinata and Sasuke will still be involved with Sakura. But it's what happens between this that matters J I'm really glad you like how I've developed them! Ah don't worry, you're English is perfectly fine! Have a nice year as well!
This chapter might come off as a bit confusing? It's all over the place, I think, just like their feelings. They basically confess a lot of things to each other but not as straightforwardly as they probably should. There's a lot of anger and sadness but also hope and a new light. Things will definitely be a bit different between them from here on.
Gaara will definitely make an appearance next, and he might have some insightful things to tell them ;)
Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter! Happy belated Valentine's Day, everyone!
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