A/N: NOT BETAED. Forgive the typos.

WARNINGS: 18+ Content. Male/Male intercourse. If you don't like it, don't read it!

Don't expect much, though.


From Which We'll Rise

Part XI: Not Running

It was almost sundown when the rain finally stopped and the two men were able to finally leave the shrine.

Both of them had cleaned up after themselves as best as they could, making sure they left no traces behind and no personal dirt.

They hadn't really spoken a lot during the rest of the day since the mood was rather solemn and pensive, but neither seemed bothered by the intimate silence. They had cleaned themselves up before falling asleep curled up on each other under their cloaks. A few hours later, both woke up famished and finally ate the sandwiches they had brought with them while waiting for the rain to stop. There was no hurry, and Sasuke found that he had needed this moment of peace and quietude in the company of the only person he would ever want by his side after such a stormy, eventful day.

Truly, he felt so emotionally drained he barely had the strength to do anything anymore. Right now, all he felt was an undeniable sense of bitter accomplishment and also a simmering anger at himself that he couldn't shake off.

He and Naruto had finally spoken about them, about their future, and the cards had been laid down on the table for them and there was no turning back now. There were no more 'what ifs', no more insecurities, no more hope. Their future was no longer uncertain. It was what it was, and that was the end of it.

Both their feelings were clear as water, but that wouldn't change a thing. Sasuke admonished himself for having allowed his heart to hope, even knowing very well that it would be this way.

A couple years ago, even before Naruto even knew how he felt for him, Sasuke had made him an offer and he had refused. He was that kind of goal driven man and Sasuke knew it, so it was his own fault for believing that it would be any different just because their bond manifested itself differently now.

Now, all he felt was… hurt, relief and emptiness. He had made the terrible mistake of fucking Naruto even though he knew that it would only worsen things between them, and yet, he had loved every painful second of it, as he had expected. But after having broken down in such a shameful, unexpected way, he had no idea what he was really feeling at all.

The world hadn't changed because he had lost his virginity with his precious person. It had been awkward and intense and just exceptionally good – perfect for them, all things considered – but nothing had changed and he was still the same man.

In a way, he could say that he felt… resigned. Maybe they shouldn't have fucked at all, but he understood that it was bound to happen sooner or later, so he accepted things as they were.

"I can't believe it's still standing," Naruto said softly, once they were outside the shrine. He had needed to look at the old place for a while, and Sasuke didn't feel like stopping him from being emotional again, so they were both standing side by side in the middle of the woods, looking up at the building that would forever be engraved in their memories. "We just defiled sacred ground. The gods must have a soft spot for us."

Sasuke looked at Naruto's profile from the corner of his eyes. "We are irreversibly bonded by a transcendental force, so our fate has always been in the hands of the gods," he said, with a serious calmness. He bit on his lower lip before proceeding. "Besides, what we did wasn't ill intentioned, it just happened and the gods must know it. If our feelings were pure, I don't think they'll consider it defiling at all."

Naruto turned his face to look at Sasuke for a while, his blue eyes very bright and vivid even in the shadows of the end of the day. He, too, looked tired but lively. Sasuke was glad. He didn't care about what happened to him, but he never wanted Naruto's soul to die, or for him to ever stop being exactly who he was, no matter what.

"I need to tell you something," the blond said, turning to him then. There was a graveness in his tone made – Naruto seemed very determined to get his words out. "I didn't want to tell you before because I didn't want it to be an issue between us, but what we did back there... That was my first time having sex."

In spite of himself, Sasuke blinked several times.

"What?" he asked slowly, frowning a bit in confusion.

Naruto pursed his lips together and looked to the side, the first flashes of embarrassment appearing on his features. "Well, I have done sexual stuff before, with Hinata, and then you, but… How can I explain it…? I guess I had many chances of doing it with her, but I just couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to, even before I understood how I felt about you, even before I kissed you back then."

Sasuke merely stared at him. Naruto glanced at him before looking away again. "Recently, I've come to understand that… all along, I wanted it to be you, somehow. It couldn't be anyone else," he muttered, with a small shrug. "So… thanks for taking care of me. Thank you for giving me this."

Naruto looked slightly uncomfortable by the admission, and yet, he looked calm. Sasuke had to stare at him for a few seconds in silence, unaware that his mouth was hanging open.

Did Naruto really… had Naruto really lost his virginity to him? This came as shock to Sasuke, who had been so sure that Naruto had already had sex with his girlfriend, and yet, Naruto had literally been saving himself for him, all along, without even knowing it, but coming to acknowledge it recently.

He hadn't taken Naruto for a an expert, no, but he had been almost sure…

We… with each other…

Sasuke couldn't breathe.

"You… you think I've had sex before," he breathed out, unsure of whether to feel genuinely surprised or offended.

Naruto's head snapped back towards him, his blond eyebrows quirked upwards. "You didn't?"

"My first sexual interaction was in that forest, with you, on the day Mika was born!" Sasuke couldn't help but snap aggressively because, really, he had been so inexperienced, one would think that it was obvious!

It was Naruto's turn to blink stupidly at him. "But… during those times with Orochimaru…"

"That's disgusting!" Sasuke yelled angrily, pushing at Naruto's chest aggressively and making him stumble backwards slightly. "Seriously, Naruto?!"

"I don't mean with him, I just meant like, he's a deranged pervert and there's all sorts of weird stuff going on at his lairs, I thought for sure…!" Naruto defended, looking genuinely shocked now while rubbing at his chest. "Or Sakura-chan…"

"Sakura and I only kissed once," Sasuke hissed, rolling his eyes. "You're the more experienced one, idiot! I've only done sexual stuff with you! I thought for sure you had already had sex, you fucking idiot! I thought you knew I hadn't!"

Naruto's mouth kept moving without him saying anything, his eyes wide, fixed on Sasuke's.

"I…" he stuttered, after a while, blushing furiously and bringing a hand to his mouth "Oh… so we… we both lost… our virginities to… each other?"

Sasuke literally couldn't take it anymore.

"I can't handle this kind of embarrassing conversation!" he hissed, turning around on his heels and walking away, quickly immersing himself in the woods with his heart beating frantically inside his chest.

What the actual hell?! He didn't need this, after everything they had gone through, he sincerely didn't need anything else to fuck things up even more and make everything even harder than it already was.

Maybe we really are being mocked by the gods…

Sasuke bit viciously on his lower lip and closed his eyes tightly before opening them again.

Why do I just keep letting myself fall deeper in this mess?

I have no fucking control…

"Hey!"

He heard Naruto run after him, but instead of falling into step beside him, the other man simply followed him from a few steps behind. Naruto's energy was excited and tormented and basically all over the place and Sasuke could feel it in his very body.

Sasuke was thankful for the few minutes of silence they shared, because it allowed him to put his thoughts in order and keep his emotions in check. A lot had happened in those few hours they had spent together in that shrine, some things Sasuke had predicted, other things that had been beyond his control. Nevertheless, things were very clear for him now, painfully so, but he had to work towards the future in his own way, and prepare himself for the end of his life with Naruto.

No, not exactly the end, he pondered. There would never be an end to them, not really. They would be pulled apart, and yet, one way or the other, they would always be close to each other.

It wasn't the end at all. Just… a new beginning. One different from what Sasuke had envisioned, but… it was a beginning all the same.

All Sasuke had to do now was get his priorities sorted out and start over, once again, all by himself. As long as he could accept this and focus on his goals, he'd be fine. He would simply not allow himself to crumble, not even because of Naruto.

"I'm really glad, Sasuke…" Naruto said after a while, softly. Night was almost upon them and soon the path would be hard to perceive. Luckily, only a few more minutes and they'd be home. "Do you… do you regret it?"

Sasuke understood the question well. "Of course not," he mumbled firmly.

Well, he wished he could regret something that he understood would bring him a lot of pain in the future. If he found the heart to regret it, at least he could find some anger to hold on to, something to help himself want to let go.

He hated that he didn't regret it; hated that he wanted to regret it but couldn't. He felt so angry at himself for not being able to feel those sorts of feelings. But he… he had feelings for Naruto. Strong feelings that he didn't like to label, feelings that he knew would never fade no matter how much time passed or what happened between them. He had his own personal reasons for feeling this way for his best friend – his heart had chosen Naruto long ago – but he also knew that there were things that went beyond his own personal reasons. He still couldn't believe how at peace he had been fucking Naruto, even though he knew how dangerous it was.

Knowing things, knowing how painful their future would be… even knowing it he had accepted that things would happen and that he would be powerless to fight them. This sort of attitude coming from himself pissed him off the most. He wasn't supposed to accept it and just be an obedient dog in fate's hands, not even for Naruto.

"Me neither." There was a smile in Naruto's honest voice. "I… I wanted it like that. I really liked doing it with you. As I said, I… it just had to be you."

Naruto's words echoed in his ears and made his heart beat faster. He could feel his blood running hotter through his veins at the memory of what they had done, and the fact that he could feel Naruto's truthful feelings through their bond didn't help.

It hurt.

"Naruto," Sasuke had to take a long, steadying breath before proceeding, thankful that his friend was behind him and thus unable to see his face, even though, surely, he could feel the onslaught of emotions he was experiencing. "I'm not going to kill myself over us anymore. We have said what we wanted to say, and we both know how this is going to end."

Naruto didn't say anything this time, waiting for him to speak with unusual patience.

Taking another breath to help his voice remain steady and definite, Sasuke kept on talking. "Things will remain the way they are while we travel if that's what you want, but our affair ends the moment you enter Konoha. From then on, we're back to being friends, and rivals. We will work together when we have to, and I will always help you and Konoha whenever you need it, but you do the things you need to do to achieve your dream, and I'll do the same for my own." Sasuke forced himself to swallow down the lump in his throat. "Whatever happened during this journey will be in the past. If we can live like it never happened, the easier it will be for the both of us. We will never speak of this again, Naruto."

"I understand," Naruto mumbled, dejectedly. "I want to enjoy my time with you for as long as we're together, of course I do." He hesitated for a second. "But… don't ask me to forget, or to pretend that it didn't happen. I can't. I know it will follow me forever, but I got myself into it knowing it was risky anyway. But it's not because we're going our separate way that my feelings for you will change, Sasuke. I doubt they ever will and…"

"We're not talking about this anymore," Sasuke had to interrupt him, walking faster, grateful that his instincts knew where to take him because he could barely focus on the path as it was. "We're not going to discuss feelings anymore while we're travelling, and neither will we talk about it again once we part ways."

"Sasuke…"

"And don't say you love me," he cut once more, not giving Naruto time to object. "I don't want to hear it ever again."

Naruto took a while to respond, but ended up whispering a shaky "Okay..."

Sasuke hadn't meant to sour the mood after the already heavy events of the day, but he couldn't help it. The world hadn't stopped spinning.

No matter what happened between them, nothing would never change.

He wasn't angry, he just didn't need to delve too much into things – he didn't want to. He was more than done with superior forces toying with him as it was. It was no use making a big deal out of things anymore.

Their short journey back to Taka's residence was made in silence.

000

A few days later, with pockets full of money and satchels stocked with clean clothes and food, Naruto and Sasuke bid their goodbyes to Taka. Naruto cried, of course, and promised to hang out with Karin as soon as he could. Sasuke merely rolled his eyes because (call him cruel) he genuinely didn't believe that it would ever happen.

Even Suigetsu seemed a bit disappointed that they were leaving, while Juugo remained mostly silent, with his beautiful light-brown eyes focused on Sasuke with a gentleness that expressed many unsaid feelings and a comprehension of many things he would never voice. Juugo knew him well, Sasuke knew, but wasn't the type to ever make demands or ask questions, and that was what Sasuke liked the most about him. He found himself longing for the big man's presence even before they parted ways. Mentally, he promised himself that he'd visit Taka again soon.

Karin eyed him in silent acknowledgement. Between them, things had been settled, finally. There was a hint of sadness in her eyes that he couldn't really soothe in any way that would be fulfilling for the both of them. Karin was aware of this, that's why she smiled at him, encouragingly so, putting aside all of her whims and all of her desires. It had been like that since she had known about him and Naruto. She might've been confused and devastated at some point, but she got the message, and had taken a step back because of that. All of the things Sasuke had done in the past, all the missing pieces Taka had tried to find had come together at seeing him and Naruto side by side. This was why Sasuke cherished Karin above any other women – because she was selfless like this when one least expected her to be. She might've been more sexually straightforward than many other girls in the past, but Sasuke knew it was just the way she was, because she knew perfectly well that he would push her away if it had to be done, and yet, she hadn't given up, and more importantly, she hadn't feared him. She had been in love with him, but never flaunted it or expected him to respond to it with the same sort of feelings or take responsibility for it and, regardless of her advances, she had never overstepped his boundaries or openly asked anything out of him. It was infinitely more than Sakura had ever done, and in a way, this upset him because Sakura was supposed to be a smart girl, and yet, even throughout the years, she hadn't grown up when it came to him. She hadn't known (or tried to) understand his way of thinking at all.

Flirting with him was nothing more than Karin's way of expressing herself and it was exactly because Sasuke saw no real threat in her actions that he had indulged her without so much as sigh or a sideways glance. Karin was just Karin, but she was strong on her own, and her feelings for him never got in the way of that, and neither did his lack of interest ever dissuade her from doing whatever the fuck she wanted to do or being who she was. This, Sasuke respected.

He didn't lover her, though, nor did he love Sakura. Not like possible lovers, and he knew he never would because that was how things were. Half of his heart was already in someone else's hands, while the other half had been taken away to the underworld along with Itachi. That part would remain frozen in time and would never return to give place to something else. There was no changing this, and neither did he want to.

They had been a team for a long time. Taka had seen the best and worst of him, had protected and been protected by him. They had lived as family. Karin had saved his life and had even almost given her own because of his whims. These were things Sasuke would never forget.

Taka was chosen by him for a reason, and these last few weeks were proof that he hadn't been wrong.

He too, felt love towards them, like he knew they felt for him. Like family, they were a part of him he'd never let go of. He regretted the things he had done to harm them, but they had forgiven him, again, without making demands. They were his companions and the people who had been by his side unfalteringly during his darkest hours. They understood him. They were loyal without ever questioning him, regardless of his actions. They required nothing in return.

It wasn't an all-consuming love or a dependable one, but wasn't this, too, a form of true love?

Sasuke had come to understand that there were many types of love in the world, some of them deeper than others, but no less important. But, no matter what type of love it was, it was only 'love' if it had a meaning. For him, 'love' seemed like such a frivolous, simplistic word that he couldn't use it randomly like many people did. 'Love', to him, needed to be something that pulled him in, that moved him, that drove him to do things for the sake of it. 'Love' needed to be mutual. It could hurt, but it would also have to bring happiness and joy with it in spite of that. He needed to want to 'love', to be with the people he 'loved' to understand that those feelings were special.

Naruto, Taka, Gaara, Itachi… yes, he felt that way towards them. Everyone else was just... alright.

But whether he saw them ever again or not made no difference to him. It may be a cold way to put it, but it was no less true. Kakashi and Sakura… he acknowledged that he'd be sad if they died (and yes, he had tried to kill them both) but life would move on and they'd be nothing but another fleeting thought in his mind.

Sasuke wished that the day would come when he'd be able to express his gratitude towards Taka properly, but that day seemed so far away he had a difficult time picturing it.

Still, he was sure… he and Taka would reunite, someday, as a team, and he'd pay them back for everything they had done for him, if it was the last thing he did.

000

Naruto was oddly excited about Bear country even though there was nothing all that great about it beside a lot of landscape – but apparently he'd already been there during some mission at some point. Sasuke wanted to check out the area and try to figure out what kind of politics were used and what kind of people inhabited it, even though Konoha and Hoshigakure (the main village, not particularly developed) already had some sort of minor peaceful alliance. But Kakashi seemed to want to expand said alliance and help Hoshigakure grow so it could finally become one of the main Shinobi villages and be properly recognized and thus serve an invaluable political ally and offer potential natural resources that might be beneficial for Konoha. The issue was, would the village even accept it?

For now, Sasuke only had the intention of exploring the village's strong points and their potential interest in development.

However, in spite of his excitement, Naruto seemed to be in no rush to reach the village as he suggested they set camp for a few of days just to hang out and take a while to rest. Honestly, Sasuke couldn't blame him – after all, they had spent an awful lot of time in the almost constant company of Taka – and surely knowing that they'd be making their way back to Konoha soon, his friend was probably intent on delaying it as much as he possibly could.

It was pathetic, but Sasuke couldn't say that to him, because he, too, was constantly being assaulted by the simultaneous desire to delay everything as much as possible or to run back to Konoha at once so it would all be over once and for all.

Things didn't seem to change a lot between them, though. They seemed to speak less than before, and it was as though the tension between them couldn't be erased no matter what they did. It was an emotional tension, and combined with the new sexual development between the two, their relationship seemed to be losing the delicate balance they had achieved at an alarming speed.

Naruto was an emotional mess, so he took it all out on sex. He liked it a lot, too, and while Sasuke had felt undignified by the three boxes of condoms and two extra tubes of lube the blond had convinced Suigetsu to purchase 'just in case', truth was, it had come in handy.

Sasuke couldn't say that he didn't enjoy sex, because he did. Or, well… it wasn't exactly spectacular, if he had to be honest. It felt good, definitely, but not exactly something Sasuke thought that he'd ever need in the future, as a man. He understood the appeal of sex, of course, but to him, it wasn't exactly the sex itself, but the soul stirring things he felt while doing it – the turmoil of emotions, the pleasure, the pain, the intensity, all the things mouths couldn't say properly but that two bodies moving together seemed to be able to express clearly. To him, it was a new, superior type of spiritual connection altogether. It had been so even before an actual penetration had even occurred. But these were things he understood only happened within him because and for Naruto. He understood that people could have sex for stress relief or for fun. He understood how easily sex could happen between people. But to him, it seemed impossible to want to fuck someone with complete detachment, without feeling the same things he felt when with Naruto.

How boring and empty it must feel, he thought, to be in the arms of another and feel nothing at all for them. But what did he know?

Either way, as much as he enjoyed the torturous joy that fucking Naruto was, it was a hassle to him in many ways because the more times they did it, the more used to it Naruto became, making him more impatient every time. Regardless of how nimble Sasuke was with just one arm, there was no way he could be that nimble and proficient when it came to sex, and it frustrated him that he couldn't please Naruto's whims as easily as Naruto could his.

Luckily, they had quickly handled the obstacles between them and found a steady and coordinated routine regardless of the position they chose, but Sasuke knew that this sort of accommodating dynamics wouldn't have been possible if they had switched positions already.

Naruto enjoyed bottoming, no doubt about it, and Sasuke enjoyed topping, but then again, neither still knew the other side of the coin, anyway. It wasn't as though neither was curious about switching, it was just that, most of the times, Naruto's impatience would get in the way, and it was usually easier to just fuck it out like they used to than waste time being slow.

Which was why Sasuke was having a hard time wrapping his mind around the fact that, in that oddly cold but windless morning, he was the one unexpectedly sprawled on his back over his bed roll, naked under the sun and lips parted as he panted hopelessly in awe at the sensations running through his body.

It had hurt at first. Naruto had tried to be calm and patient, but their random making out after their morning routine had them both a bit too riled up. Naruto's fingers in him had been far too impatient and nervous, but Sasuke hadn't complained, merely clenching his teeth and forcing himself to relax as much as he had been able to, even though his lover seemed far too much on edge already to take his time prepping him. Sasuke had known it would be like this, no matter how hard Naruto tried, so he had been sort of ready for it. After all, as a Shinobi who had fought for his life many times and had experienced all sorts of wounds and bruises and near-death moments, a bit of discomfort was literally nothing. Besides, Sasuke had expected Naruto to be as restless, eager and demanding as a top as he was as bottom.

What he hadn't expected, though, was this. The insufferable way Naruto's cock filled him and stretched him in ways that seemed impossible. Then, the sharp pain he had experienced at first slowly turned into a chaos of acute pleasure as his muscles relaxed and his body promptly opened up to Naruto, willingly receiving the deep and uncoordinated first thrusts. Something inside of Sasuke rebelled against such a passive position, where he could literally do nothing but lie there and take it, and yet, his arm, that surrounded Naruto's neck, held him tight and his thighs were firmly adjusted to Naruto's sides. He could barely breathe, could barely do anything at all his head was spinning out of control.

It was… a whole new level of intimacy, to be penetrated by another. Being inside Naruto had been intimate, yes, but this was…

Intrusive. Invasive. He felt oddly violated, exposed and vulnerable, and yet his body received the pleasure shamelessly, eagerly, hungrily. He found himself trying to open his legs more. He couldn't control the low, repetitive moans escaping him, the hissed curses or the constant shifting of his muscles in a restless desire for more, every cell in his body screaming with desire, unsure of how to process his conflicting feelings. Naruto's voice in his ear was lewd and his hot, open mouthed kisses along his neck intense enough to be devastatingly embarrassing.

Sasuke's erect cock gave a violent twitch that made him shiver, a small spurt of pre-cum emerging from its tip and immediately smudging Naruto's naked navel, that rubbed up against it.

It wasn't something Sasuke knew how to explain. He didn't like it at all, this ridiculous position that didn't let him do much, like some submissive, boring woman. He needed to move, to be active, to touch, to feel, to scratch, to battle, to be in charge of his own pleasure and pain, and to be in charge of his lover's own pleasure…

He realized that his needs were no different than an animal's, which was why Sasuke always tried to keep his cool as best as he could as a top, because he realized how easy it would be to turn sex into an animalistic copulation.

And yet…

There he was, feeling Naruto's sweaty body sliding so perfectly against his, relishing in Naruto's kisses, in the way Naruto's hands possessively caressed his sides, his legs, allowing his consciousness to almost fade with each deep, painful and amazing thrust inside of him, connecting them in maddening perfection and giving him the exact amount of everything he needed.

He heaved a long breath, turning his head to the side and running his tongue along Naruto's temple. It tasted of salt and iron, of something pungent that awakened his senses, so he did it again.

There he was, allowing Naruto to move to suddenly push his knees further apart and bend his body in half so his knees almost connected to his chest, desperate for more access, for more depth so he could move more freely. Clumsy as he was, Naruto was also surprisingly efficient for a beginner, at least for Sasuke's standards. Naruto's stamina was overwhelming, but this was no news by now. If Naruto were to top more often from here on, Sasuke would definitely be in deep shit – he'd wear him out and suck him dry in no time.

Sasuke bit on his lower lip and groaned in irritation as a new wave of pleasure ran up his spine thanks to that even stupider position. Now he understood why Naruto liked being fucked hard and deep.

Still, what the actual fuck? What was he, some kind of articulated fuck doll?

But that felt unbelievably good. He hadn't understood why Naruto had enjoyed being fucked or why he would always become so eager and impatient for it, but now he could see why.

Fuck. His stomach felt heavy, his breathing becoming more erratic. He was close. But damn it, he was so annoyed.

'Who the hell do you think you are, manhandling me like this?'

Sasuke wasn't sure if he said these words out loud or not. He tried to move, to make his body meet Naruto's fluid but shaky plunges, but couldn't, he was completely trapped by the opulence of Naruto's strong body. Gods, he'd be damned if he'd ever let himself be fucked like this again. This was humiliating beyond reason. If Naruto felt his conflicting emotions, he gave nothing away, but then again, his friend was the kind of person who could be very aware of Sasuke's feelings and still mess with them just to see (no, feel) Sasuke being riled up by the things burning inside of him.

'Motherfucker, I'm not a fucking woman…'

But… being like this… allowing someone else to touch him, manipulate his pleasure, his feelings, caring for him, bestowing so much affection, pouring their everything for him to see…

It wasn't that Sasuke felt needy, no. Or rather, he supposed there wasn't a time when their impending fate didn't make him feel needy, even in times like these. It was if there was never a moment when 'enough was enough', but there would be a time when the end would come, and no matter how many things they experienced together, nothing would ever be enough to last a lifetime. It was because they both knew this that the hunger seemed insatiable.

Sasuke didn't like this, didn't like to just lay around, being fucked and doing nothing, but at the same time, giving himself wholeheartedly to Naruto's care and giving up his control felt dangerously ideal.

Yes, dangerously. It was if his very essence was being used by Naruto's hands, his body marked forever by the roughness of Naruto's nails dragging across his skin. Sasuke felt like, not only his body was opened, but that his soul was bared, as well, and it was all so frustrating because it was so much more than just the sex, something that moved his very core in a deeper and sharper way that seemed so much more complicated. His body being penetrated seemed like such a trivial thing compared to all the things crawling inside him.

He worshiped these things that travelled between them, he always had, and always would. But he also hated them with a passion that made him want to either die or kill Naruto, or maybe both. It was because of this that he had always been weaker than he should've been. Even now, he was weak.

But he'd do better to not agonize over it, he kept reminding himself of this.

His fingers clutched strongly at the hairs at the back of Naruto's head. Naruto's now erratic thrusts slowed down to a languid undulation that allowed Sasuke to feel him inside with detailed precision. A stinging emotion pieced his heart. Their eyes met, two contrasting sets equally heavy with lust and awe and so many feelings that the air itself seemed to be thick and heavy with the weight of them. Naruto's eyes travelled in marvel over his features, the tip of his tongue peeking from between his lips to wet them. He was shivering, and yet Sasuke could see the fine sheen of sweat marking his brow and gluing strands of hair to it, glistering in the sunlight.

He had a hard time handling the desperation in Naruto's stare, as he always did. He couldn't understand why certain things had to be so painfully obvious to them, why he had to go through all of this and still be witness to Naruto's soul like this, knowing that the same happened to his friend. Most of the times, he didn't understand what hurt him the most – if his own pain or if the fact that he knew Naruto was hurting, too.

Still… what else was there for them to do but to give and take from each other as much as they could?

I love you.

Sasuke could hear it, loud and clear. Naruto hadn't said it once since that day, over a week ago, but it didn't make a difference.

A strangled noise left Sasuke's throat as he pulled Naruto's head down, their mouths meeting in a voracious kiss, teeth clashing and tongues devouring each other wetly.

I'm close.

Naruto moaned against his mouth before releasing a long breath through his nose. His body fell completely on top of Sasuke's now, heavy and unbearably hot – he was everywhere, pressed up against him, strong and suffocating but perfect. He shivered openly now before moving his mouth hungrily over Sasuke's, his hips speeding up once more, since he, too, seemed to be desperately close. Naruto liked to cum at the same time as Sasuke, or as in time with him as he possibly could unless he couldn't help it. Sasuke groaned lowly in his throat, feeling his insides burn with every powerful thrust inside of him, wave after wave of exhilaration washing over him the closer they both got.

Sasuke felt the impending need to touch himself, to reach his own climax as soon as physically possible, but he wanted to keep holding on to his lover. It was odd how it was only during intimate times with Naruto that he regretted the absence of his arm.

However, Naruto's hard navel rubbed up against his cock, and Sasuke was more than thankful for the amazing rough friction. Now he understood why Naruto always either asked him to be touched or touched himself during sex, because the dual stimulation really was something out of this world.

Unable to stop himself, he surrounded Naruto's waist with his legs to pull him closer still and urge him on, demand more, this offering him a small, but glorious moment of control, finally. Against his mouth, Naruto released a small, but heartfelt laugh before biting down harshly on his lower lip.

It didn't last long before Sasuke felt his orgasm threatening him as his muscles clenched around Naruto's cock. He felt Naruto let out a small moan, riding his own climax awkwardly, and everything exploded in flashes of white as Sasuke came, his seed erupting between them and coating their stomachs and chests. When he came to, panting and dazed, the only indication that he had that Naruto had finished, too, was the fact that he was suddenly very still. Sasuke hadn't noticed the moment they had stopped kissing at all, but Naruto now had his head buried in the curve of his neck, breathing hard against his ear. He was fucking heavy, was what Sasuke thought, with a tired, slightly confused, but satiated sigh.

His mind was oddly empty, his conflicting emotions blown away as if carried by the soft morning breeze that had started to run.

Well, that was another wall torn down. It didn't feel as overwhelming as their first time fucking, though, but it was still meaningful.

They had finally given themselves to each other completely, and now they were equals, yet again. Sasuke had given Naruto his complete trust, giving his everything without restrictions, once more.

What else was left to happen between them, anyway? He didn't think they could bare themselves in front of each other any more than they already had. Sasuke doubted that any other human being would ever be able to see him the way Naruto had for as long as he lived.

Still, it was cold and he was grateful for the warmth of another. Or rather, grateful for the warmth of Naruto.

His friend muttered something he couldn't understand lazily against his neck and Sasuke could only sigh again and hug him, placing a small kiss on the top of his blond head. Well, it seemed obvious that neither wanted to move, and that was fine.

000

While sleeping, Sasuke would often dream about his battle with Naruto.

When he had first left Konoha to be with Orochimaru, his dreams had often been a replay of their battle at the Valley of the End. He remembered every blow, every kick, every surge of pain, every feeling, and every word exchanged between them. Sometimes, he would wake up filled with regret and longing, but other times, these memories only fuelled his desire to move forward – he had done something painful, something that had hurt both him and his precious friend by almost killing him, and for a moment there, he had almost done it. He had been lucky that he hadn't, which was why he couldn't let it all go to waste.

But it was when he had these sorts of guilty thoughts that he understood how weak he still was. He had abandoned his life, his friends, his home so as to break all bonds and attachments, so feeling guilty over this would never do a thing to help him become stronger.

It was because he understood very well that Naruto's existence was a weakness to him that it had made him all the angrier, all the more resentful towards the blond, and all the more determined to shut down his heart.

As he grew up and gradually became stronger, learning how to shut down his emotions, his dreams shifted. Instead of replaying his and Naruto's first battle, he dreamt of the day when he would see Naruto again and fight him to the death. His heart had been fickle; it had only fluttered to life with thoughts of his brother and his best friend. But Itachi had been his goal, his dream, and it was because Sasuke knew that he had still been moved that he realized that for him to succeed and become stronger and ruthless like he needed to be, Naruto would have to perish. Because, angry as he might feel at the blond, he hadn't hated him – he had hated the fact that he couldn't hate him. But while love had resided in him, he had known that he would never be able to do the things he needed while that love remained alive.

Of course, back then, he had thought that his heart was divided between his feelings of love for Naruto and is feelings of hate for his brother, only he hadn't realized that he had still loved Itachi, too. He had been weak all along, but these were things he'd only come to learn through shock and pain.

So he had dreamt of fighting them. He had dreamt of the day when his soul would be put to rest and he could finally be freed of the constant torment that followed him every day. Back then, he had seen nothing ahead or even thought of the future. His life had meant very little to him as long as he could achieve his goals, and if his own death were to follow his brother's, then so be it.

Now, he could hear the sound of a child crying, or maybe laughing – he couldn't tell the difference, but it was loud and resonant and made his head hurt. It had been so long since the last time he had heard that sound inside his head he genuinely thought that he'd never hear it again.

In the past, when he had had constant and restless dreams of killing his brother and fighting his best friend, Sasuke used to hear that sound, over and over again, always clear, always present, always confusing. He had never understood why his dreams contained such an odd sound. Sometimes, it was all he could hear in the heat of battle, even though his soul was on fire, even though his heart thumped painfully with emotion, desperation, fear and adrenaline, and he didn't understand it at all.

Even after Itachi had perished by his hands, Sasuke had still dreamt of fighting Naruto to the death, and during every single dream, that child would laugh, or cry, but when Sasuke desperately looked around, it would be nowhere in sight. Dream Itachi hadn't been able to hear it, and dream Naruto seemed just as oblivious.

But he had seen him. Or maybe it was a she? Sometimes, it didn't even look like it was human at all, because all Sasuke could see was white – a tiny, skinny body, pale and fragile, hair dishevelled as white as snow and eyes completely white, like an empty canvas. Like a wild creature, like a ghost or a mystical creature, it was terrifying and had nothing of beautiful.

Sasuke had only dreamt about its form twice, but he recalled it vividly. He never wanted to see it in his dreams ever again, for that sound it made was already haunting enough.

However, after the war and his real battle with Naruto, that sound had disappeared completely along with his dreams.

Maybe it was because he was currently ill that his mind was replaying strange things. In his feverish haze, Sasuke could hear it clearly once more, but he wasn't dreaming this time.

Why, at such a time? I thought I was already…

Turning to his side, he curled in on himself feeling another shiver run through his spine even though he felt hot and was sweating profusely. Outside he caves they were in, the night was humid and windy, and yet, the bonfire Naruto had made kept the place warm, not to mention the ridiculous amount of stuff he had covering his body. He couldn't understand if he was feeling hot or terribly cold, and yet another unpleasant churn inside his stomach made him swallow hard and take a shaky breath through his nose. It would be no good if he were to throw up where they were camping in. Sasuke had no idea how long they were going to be there, but Naruto had been adamant that they didn't travel again until he was completely recovered. He had only started throwing up a couple of days before, and the fever had escalated rather dramatically that morning. Naruto, of course, had decided that they should find someplace sheltered for Sasuke to recover.

Sasuke was upset and angry at himself for falling sick and delaying their exploration of Bear, and yet, he did feel like shit regardless of how much he wanted to keep moving and not waste his time feeling miserable and leaving Naruto alone. More importantly, he hated being vulnerable to the point where Naruto had to take care of him.

Thankfully, he had been sleeping a lot and thus hadn't been throwing up as much as a couple of days ago, but still, if he wasn't so weak he would've been seething.

It could've been something he had eaten, or maybe just some sort of small virus since Naruto was in perfect health. Either way, it sucked.

He could smell something in the air, a broth of vegetable or something, and it made him feel even more nauseous. There was a wet fresh cloth being pressed to his forehead with gentleness, and it was soothing in spite of everything. Naruto had been successful in looking for a few medicinal plants Sasuke had instructed him about, but now it was only a matter of time until he recovered.

"You're going to have to eat something soon, Sasuke," Naruto whispered quietly next to him, mindful of his raging headache. "I'm making soup. It's really light, it'll do you good."

Sasuke shook his head from side to side, feebly, his eyes firmly closed. "I don't want to throw up again…" he muttered.

"It's fine if you do, I carved a bowl of wood that you can use," Naruto said, brushing Sasuke's wet fringe away from his face carefully. "You need to eat so you can get your health back."

Sasuke shifted slowly in his bed roll until he was on his back, removing his arm from under the covers and putting a sticky hand over his stomach as he opened his eyes slightly to look up at the blurry ceiling of the cave. "I think I might be pregnant."

He knew he wouldn't exactly say something like that if he had been in his perfect state of mind and healthy. But he supposed it was alright if it would alleviate the worried tension he could feel coming from Naruto.

Naruto's hand on his forehead stilled abruptly. "Are you serious?" he asked gravely, and Sasuke was too tired to tell, but he could swear that there was hint of both panic and hope in his voice.

In spite of how ill he felt and how hard it was to keep his eyes open, he looked at his friend's serious expression and managed to throw him a weak frown. "Are you an idiot?" he muttered reproachfully. "I'm a guy, I can't get fucking pregnant; it was a joke."

Naruto's expression changed to a less tense one but becoming strangely sombre, clearly unamused. "Wow, you're sick and yet you manage to crack such poor tasted jokes," he retorted, clearly upset for some reason. Then, he continued to gently wipe at Sasuke's face with the wet cloth. "We've never even done anything without condoms, but still, I know you can't get pregnant, I just… I don't know what I thought, forget it."

Slowly, Sasuke blinked at him, trying to focus his vision on Naruto's face but the bonfire was too bright behind his friend and hurt his eyes, so he closed them.

"Come on, let me help you sit down so you can at least try to eat something," he heard Naruto say, removing the cloth from his forehead. "I also made you tea with those leaves you told me about."

Sasuke muttered an intelligible complaint, but Naruto was a bossy caretaker and was already manoeuvring him gently so he was in a sitting position. Sasuke was barely aware of his body position being shifted again and his back was pressed to the walls of the cave. Sasuke 'tsked' in annoyance as Naruto rearranged the covers over his legs and threw a blanket over his shoulders to keep him as warm as possible. He felt like such a useless piece of shit. He hated being taken care of, treated like a helpless child.

But he could barely move he felt so weak. And he'd lie if he said that he didn't feel… safe with Naruto by his side.

Naruto didn't complain at all, treating him, cooking for him, cleaning up after him with the same joviality as always, as if such things were no trouble for him. His hands were always gentle, his words always kind and light-hearted. Sasuke hated that everything comforted him so much. He didn't like to have to put Naruto through so much trouble, and yet, it made him feel special. Well, he knew he was, but that didn't mean he enjoyed liking being spoiled.

When Naruto knelt in front of him with a metallic bowl of watery soup and stirred it with a table spoon it Sasuke tried his best to glare at him, knowing exactly what his friend was thinking about.

"You feel like you're strong enough to feed yourself?" Naruto asked, in a smart assed way. Sasuke merely tried glaring harder, which made Naruto roll his eyes. "Just let me feed you, bastard. I'll go through the humiliation willingly when you're better if you want."

With narrowed, slightly blurry eyes, Sasuke didn't reply, watching as Naruto carefully blew on the soup that was now on the spoon and carefully extended it so it was close to Sasuke's mouth.

Sasuke's stomach churned slightly, but he swallowed his nausea hard and parted his lips, too tired to fight.

"That's the spirit," Naruto teased, feeding him with surprising gentleness and care. Sasuke would've blushed in frustration if he could find the strength, but he simply couldn't be bothered to feel much at all. He just wanted to sleep and get well as soon as possible.

The soup was very light but tasty, and as Sasuke swallowed, he prayed that it would stay inside his belly.

"Okay?" Naruto asked, eyeing him worriedly again. Sasuke nodded, so he extended a new spoonful towards him. For a few minutes, Naruto fed him patiently, silently waiting when Sasuke needed more time to chew the vegetables or had to take a break to let the broth settle in.

"I wouldn't mind it," Naruto said out of the blue, after a while, using a clean cloth to gently wipe at Sasuke's mouth. "If you and me… well, if, somehow, we had a kid together. It would be cool. I know it's not possible, so don't look at me like that. I'm just saying."

Sasuke eyed him impassively. Suddenly, he felt like his mood had worsened, his head even heavier than before.

"Would it change anything if that potentially happened?" he asked tiredly and with a bitter tone, sighing. He seriously didn't need to talk about potential situations. To dream, to imagine possible case scenarios… those kinds of things he had decided to simply not do, so he hoped Naruto got the hint.

Naruto looked back at him, bright blue eyes serious. "I don't know…" he retorted, with a small shrug. "Would it change for you?"

Sasuke could only sigh again, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the cave wall. He really felt like shit. "I don't know. I don't want to talk about stupid stuff like this."

He couldn't explain it, but sometimes there was a heaviness inside of him that made him feel exhausted, as if the mere weight of his own mind and heart was too much to bear. He knew this, knew what it was, but before, he had been stronger and colder. Now, he was sick and feeling weak, and there was no way he could escape it.

It sucks…

He felt Naruto shifting, the air becoming thicker between them as the blond tensed, frustrated. However, if he was going to say something, he gave up on it pretty quickly, and Sasuke was grateful for that. It wasn't easy to keep things simple, to keep conversations on hold, or things left unsaid, desires kept hidden, dreams untold. But for them, it was as it should be.

"Shall we give it another try at another spoonful?" Naruto muttered, before clearing his throat.

Sasuke swallowed hard. That goddamned sound. Why didn't it just go away? Why now? He really didn't need to remember that image.

Why was it so hot? He just wanted to sleep.

Ah. He didn't really feel like eating anything anymore.

"Sasuke?" Naruto called out softly.

But Sasuke's consciousness was already drifting off. He was only vaguely aware of Naruto giving him something bitter to drink and then lying him down once more. The last thing he felt was the cool cloth on his forehead and loving fingers brushing over his cheek.

TBC…


I thought that the only thing I needed to happen in this chapter was Naruto topping Sasuke (BTW, sorry for the random smut scene, it came out like this. Sexier times will come, eventually, now's just not the time).

But re-reading the chapter I realize that what comes out of it is something very important: Sasuke's feelings for Taka (which will be of great relevance in the future), and a growing tension between him and Naruto. I hadn't realized how sour things were between them at this point, and to be honest, it wasn't supposed to happen quite like this, but I guess… I guess once more they took matter in their own hands, and that's perfect for the plot and for what I need for this story. So I apologise if this chapter is confusing and boring, but I guess I needed it to get in tune with Sasuke's mind and sort out my own ideas for the future of this fic.

Plot will move along faster, hopefully, from here on. Sorry for the wait, and sorry for the ups and downs.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING AND FOR FOLLOWING THIS STORY ALL THE SAME!

Again I repeat, EVEN THOUGH THIS STORY IS SUPPOSED TO FOLLOW THE EVENTS OF THE MANGA POST 699, I WILL GIVE IT MY OWN ENDING, SUITABLE FOR NARUTO'S AND SASUKE'S STORY. I cannot reveal how it will go, obviously, but I want to give it a happy ending, so you guys keep your hopes up, okay?


PLEASE REVIEW! IT'S YOUR FEEDBACK THAT GIVES ME MOTIVATION TO WRITE! J