A/N: Get ready for a loooooong chapter and loooots of talking. Wow, this was really hard to write. So many conflicting feelings from both Naruto and Sasuke, my own ideas being challenged.
Either way, I think that, in the end, it turned out the way it had to, so I can definitely say I'm happy about it! I hope you guys enjoy, too!
From Which We'll Rise
Part XX: Uncertain Consensus
Naruto wasn't worried about the possible turn of the events of the next day. In fact, it had been quite a long time since he had felt this carefree. He did not expect how surprisingly well things had gone with Sasuke last night. Even if the tension had been high and undoubtedly dangerous, in the end, they had been able to simply enjoy each other's company and presence.
Naruto knew here was no way he could push his luck towards intimacy with Sasuke, yet he still felt like he was in cloud nine. It was as if nothing could possibly shake away all sorts of happy and hopeful feelings inside. Just being there, away from home and finally close to Sasuke, brought a sense of peace to his soul that fate had long deprived him from.
He had met Katsuo, the child Sasuke had adopted and considered his 'son'. Sasuke's surprising love for the child was very evident, as was the child's devotion to him. Katsuo had an unusual appearance, yes, and his features were hard to read, but his actions were still the ones of a child. Naruto was good with kids, so he was constantly waiting for an opening that would allow him to reach out to Katsuo in any way he could. However, right now, he knew he should give Sasuke and the boy some space and think about how far he could go without violating their family bubble. The fact alone that Katsuo was this important to Sasuke was enough to awaken some sort of fascination in Naruto. Somehow, he was very curious to see what type of person Katsuo would become in the future.
Naruto didn't remember Misato's place being as chaotic as it was that morning, but then again, back then, it hadn't exactly been their home since they had been guests sleeping in a barn. Plus, the house now had an extra grumpy man and two extra children in it.
Contrary to what he had thought, he had been able to sleep surprisingly well, even though he had woken up with his face pressed against the wall with the upper half of Katsuo's body sprawled over his legs – which was surprising since he'd never imagined such a docile child would have such terrible sleeping habits. Sasuke, on the other hand, didn't seem to have gotten much sleep, complaining about the heat, Naruto's snoring and Katsuo's constant thrashing.
At the large low wooden table during breakfast, Mika seemed to be particularly energetic, throwing food everywhere while laughing at everyone's pissed off reactions. Naruto couldn't help but notice Katsuo beside Sasuke carefully trying to fill a spoonful of porridge, getting ready to copy Mika's actions. Unfortunately for him, as soon as he was positioning his wooden spoon to throw some porridge at Misato, as Naruto suspected, Sasuke noticed it and cleared his throat. The sound was enough to make Katsuo halt in his actions and quickly look up, only to see Sasuke frowning down at him reproachfully. Naruto almost laughed when, without taking his eyes away from his father's, the boy slowly brought the spoon to his mouth instead, which earned him an approving nod from Sasuke.
Naruto had always imagined Sasuke to be the kind of parent who is level-headed and stern without the need for violence, yet still surprisingly caring in the simplest of things. Naruto sort of wished that he would manage to have this same kind of respect and affection from Boruto as he grew up.
After several failed attempts, Atsuko finally managed to convince Mika to eat instead of play, but the kitchen-like space, where they were eating, still ended up as a gooey mess by the time they managed to finish breakfast.
However, everyone worked to clean up the place together, even Katsuo, who had carried the bowls outside so they could be washed in the large basin next to the house while Sasuke and the others used rags to wipe the food off the floor and the walls. Misato explained that Mika wasn't exactly this boisterous during mealtimes, so she was probably trying to impress Naruto since he had been playing with her the previous day. Naruto found it unbearably cute, even if Misato was far from amused.
Naruto offered to go to the river and fetch some clean water, a task he enjoyed since it allowed him to breathe some fresh morning air and stretch his legs. He brought in two buckets full; one that served to clean the house and the other that was used to help Katsuo wash the bowls outside. Naruto had forgotten how difficult doing small tasks were in that village in contrast with Konoha. Every little thing required a tremendous amount of time and effort without pipes of running water and proper cleaning utensils in the houses. It was the same with everything else, Naruto knew, and it was funny how he had still missed being part of this community.
He tried to make small talk with Katsuo even if he knew he'd get no verbal response. The boy seemed very focused in wanting to wash the bowls by himself, which made Naruto wonder if, somehow, the child was still harbouring any kind of hard feelings towards him concerning what he had seen last night. Either way, Naruto insisted on showing him the best way to do his task without breaking anything. To his relief, Katsuo did seem to listen to what he said and was eager to learn.
Naruto made sure to play with him once they finished their task by splashing a bit of water in his direction, just enough to wet him a little. The child was hesitant until Naruto encouraged him to retaliate. It didn't take long for a small battle to take place, and while Naruto laughed, he wished that he could see and hear Katsuo laugh too, but all the boy could manage was to open his eyes wider than usual and form a weird, and rather twisted, sort of smile that looked very psychotic for such a small and innocent being. It wasn't his fault, but Naruto had to wonder how the kids in the village didn't have nightmares by associating with him on a daily basis. At least Naruto knew the boy was having fun, and that was all it mattered.
Sasuke emerged from the house to find Katsuo and Naruto throwing water at each other, both already soaked. Needless to say, Sasuke didn't look pleased. Katsuo didn't seem fazed by his sour expression, because he made a movement with his hand as if asking Sasuke to join in.
"You're already wet enough Katsu. Naruto and I have things to do," Sasuke reclined from the entrance of the house, motioning for his son to come inside. "Let's get you changed. I've spoken to the basket maker, Ritsuko-san, and you're going to be helping her this morning."
Katsuo's lips twitched in a small pout, and while he stopped attacking Naruto, he didn't move from his spot.
"It's no use looking at me like that," Sasuke quipped, seriously. "It's punishment for being rude yesterday, but if you don't feel like doing it, I could always tell Tori you want to help cleaning up the barn. It's your choice."
Well, that seemed to be enough for Katsuo because he immediately stomped past Naruto and entered the house under Sasuke's intense stare.
"I could almost swear this is some kind of tantrum?" Naruto commented, smiling at Sasuke and wiping the water running down his face with both hands.
"Yeah," Sasuke confirmed, with a sigh. "He's still very obedient though, but I feel like, more and more, he's creating his own personality. I don't know if I should feel proud or start worrying."
"I'm sure it's nothing the great Uchiha Sasuke can't handle," Naruto teased. Sasuke merely threw him an unimpressed look.
"You bring the bowls inside," Sasuke then instructed, as Naruto tried to dry his hands by patting them on the fabric of his pants. "Once you do that, preferably without breaking anything, there are clothes in our room for you to change into. After you get changed, we're going to sit and talk, like you wanted."
"You're not the boss of me," Naruto retorted in a purposely childish manner, looking at Sasuke up and down. "Who says I want to be around your moody ass?"
Sasuke rolled his eyes and got inside the house, leaving Naruto alone before he could even say anything else.
A few people passed by and Naruto greeted them with an exuberant wave of his hand. Once they were out of sight, he let his hand fall and took a deep, steadying breath.
It was no use feeling nervous now – he would do what he needed to do, with a cool head and a goal in mind. That was all he had to focus on. There was nothing standing between him and Sasuke but their own selves at this point.
Slapping both his cheeks once with both hands to sober up, Naruto followed after Sasuke with renewed conviction.
000
Naruto had only packed enough things to last the journey there, so he was grateful for the clothes Sasuke had provided – the green linen sweater was oddly fitting, and so were the cream coloured trousers of an indefinable cream fabric that resembled thin leather and had a soft warm layer on the inside. Naruto had always enjoyed the simple clothing of the village; they were the comfiest he had ever worn.
Sasuke, on the other hand, was wearing trousers of the same fabric as Naruto's but of a dark brown colour, and his sweater, made of something that looked like very delicately knitted wool, hugged his torso in a rather flattering way. In Naruto's eyes, Sasuke looked absolutely gorgeous because there was something about this casual side of Sasuke that was very attractive.
When Naruto thought about it, Sasuke had always dressed so plainly when within that village. He was always in some sort of Shinobi attire when in Konoha, and Naruto remembered always seeing him in complex and carefully planned outfits that were suited for battle and for weapon hiding, even back when they were kids. However, in that place, it was as if Sasuke didn't particularly keep his guard up more than strictly necessary. This simpler version of Sasuke made him look younger, and his whole visual was fresh and very appealing, because he still held himself like a handsome and fearless warrior. Naruto couldn't really look away if he tried, but then again, he hadn't seen Sasuke properly for such a long time that he felt like no amount of gawking would make up for that.
Misato and Tori had left to do their respective tasks in the village, and Atsuko had left with Mika, as well, offering to drop Katsuo off at Ritsuko-san's place. This meant the house would be empty for a while, leaving Naruto and Sasuke completely alone.
No matter how hard Naruto tried not to feel nervous, it was a fact that the atmosphere had become rather solemn as Sasuke heated a bit of water to make some tea in a sort of rustic makeshift stove while Naruto waited, sitting on the floor Indian style at the same low table where they'd been having breakfast early that morning.
The entrance door of the house was wide open, allowing the cool morning breeze to waltz in and for occasional passers-by to see the inside – Sasuke's statement that talking was about all they would be doing, period.
Truth be told, Naruto had been serious when he had said he hadn't travelled there hoping to eventually have sex with Sasuke. He had no way of knowing the outcome of his visit there, but his focus had been to meet Katsuo and talk to Sasuke, and in his resolution, he hadn't even considered bringing neither lube nor condoms. Now, he couldn't help but wonder if that had been tremendously stupid of him.
He'd lie if he said that he hadn't been expecting something to happen between them, but he hadn't exactly expected for Sasuke to have taken the initiative first. Naruto supposed he should be glad. Still, his friend was unpredictable, and a bit of heated kissing after so long away from each other was no reason to take things for granted when it came to the two of them.
The silence wasn't exactly an uncomfortable one, though, and this put Naruto a lot more at ease as he contemplatively watched Sasuke work.
Once Sasuke was done brewing some tea, he brought a mug to the table and put in front of Naruto, who immediately leaned forward to take a whiff of the steaming beverage. It had a pinkish colour, and the scent wasn't one he recognized – spicy and slightly sweet.
"Thanks for this," Naruto said with a wide smile, as Sasuke brought his own mug with him and sat down gracefully on his heels right across from Naruto, his posture very straight and dignified. It was kind of disappointing since Naruto had expected them to at least sit side by side, but he wasn't going to push it.
Naruto grabbed for the mug with both hands and carefully brought it to his lips – it was very hot and very flavoured in a rather refined way, and nothing like anything Naruto had ever tasted. "It's really good," he said to Sasuke – who had been watching his reaction.
"I'm glad you enjoy it," Sasuke said, with an almost formal nod of his head. "It's made of several flower petals and a few spices. It's my own invention."
"Of course, it is," Naruto teased. Then, he leaned back a bit, his hands supporting his weight on the floor. "This sure feels nice. It's so peaceful here. I missed this sort of quiet time alone with you."
Sasuke's expression was calm, but serious. He absently scratched at his forehead, briefly allowing Naruto to get a glimpse of his rinnegan. "Naruto, let's not beat around the bush," he said, letting his hand drop to his lap. "I'm fine with you being here, but you came for a reason. If you have something to say, please say it already."
Naruto eyed him contemplatively for a while. He couldn't sense any sort of negative feelings coming from Sasuke, but it was clear that the man was facing the prospect of them talking with a bit of reluctance. "I don't have anything to say, really," Naruto said, shrugging slightly. "I just… I guess I want to know things about you? But I promised I wouldn't ask questions, so I'm trying not to."
Sasuke seemed to choose his words carefully before nodding once. "You can ask your questions, but I can't promise to give you the answers you want."
"Fair enough. Are you going to tell me the story behind you and Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked, as casually as he could because he didn't want to create unnecessary tension between them right from the start. "Clearly you didn't fall in love with her out of the blue, not with the way you spoke about her with Kakashi-sensei."
"I think you need to think more carefully about what you want to know instead of asking questions to which the answers won't please you," Sasuke replied. "There are things you're better off not knowing."
Ah, Naruto had guessed as much. This was all he needed to know that there was definitely something complicated going on between his two teammates. "For now?"
"For now." Sasuke's words came as a silent promise that eventually, he would tell Naruto the truth, and even if it was infuriating, Naruto knew better than to pressure a topic Sasuke clearly didn't want to talk about. "You know me better than I know myself, Naruto. Did you really expect me to just stay in Konoha and give up my goals just because of Sakura and Sarada?"
"Well, I do know you, but duh, they're your family!" Naruto pointed out, making a displeased face.
"Not enough reason for me to stay," Sasuke countered, with a dismissive gesture of his hand. "I didn't stay for you."
"That's different."
"How, tell me, is it different if you're the only living person with whom I've ever willingly wanted to share my life with?"
Naruto frowned to conceal the frustrated - and embarrassed - blush threatening to reach his cheeks. Sasuke sure knew how to press his buttons by so subtly making such bold statements and shoving things to his face. "Sarada is your kid. You give so much to Katsu-chan, but you're neglecting your own blood. I'm not judging, Sasuke, I just don't understand. I try not to get mad, but I just…"
"Sarada wasn't desired, Naruto, and this the most honest thing I can tell you, and about all I'm going to say on the matter," Sasuke interjected. "She is my daughter, yes, and of course I love her and I wish that she can have the best life possible, but she's not Katsuo." He heaved a small sigh. "I never thought I'd have kids, let alone of my own blood; I didn't even want it. I adopted Katsuo of my own free will while Sarada simply turned everything upside down and forced me to take a path I never wanted to follow. Obviously, this isn't her fault, and I don't blame her, but I can't help the way I feel. And Sakura… she accepts things as they are between us. Isn't that enough?"
Even though Naruto had sort of guessed Sasuke's feelings on the matter, he hadn't expected this bluntness, nor the acidic taste it left in his mouth. It was cruel and cold, and having known it beforehand didn't ease the anger bubbling inside him. "So you're saying Katsu-chan is the child you wanted and the one you consider a true son," Naruto concluded, not without feeling bitter on Sarada's behalf.
"I didn't say I didn't consider Sarada my child," Sasuke corrected firmly. "I said that the way I feel about my situation with her and my situation with Katsuo is different."
Straightening up, Naruto had to inhale deeply through his nose to calm himself down. "And, in spite of whatever deal you and Sakura-chan have, you're telling me she's simply alright with you not being home to see your daughter growing up?"
"It's not like I'd be a present father even if Katsuo didn't exist," Sasuke defended, unfalteringly. "It's my job to work outside of Konoha, for Kakashi, if I want to keep my status as a shinobi and eventually make the changes that need to be done to help you and your village in the future. It's not like I'm always going to be there for Katsuo either."
Sasuke had a point, and knowing he was doing it for Naruto's sake as well - for the sake of Naruto's hopes and dreams for Konoha - felt like the greatest gift to Naruto. It seemed like everything Sasuke did, every step he took was a calculated move with their future goals in mind.
It made Naruto feel both guilty and happy, but in Sarada's and Sakura's behalf, it wasn't like he could exactly accept the logic.
However, he didn't want to fight, not this time. They had fought so many times, bickered, argued and not seen eye to eye, and these things would never change between them; but they could be improved, and this was what Naruto wanted. They had already ruined things with each other once because their opinions didn't meet. Naruto would not let Sasuke drift away from him again.
"If you don't want me to get involved, then that's got nothing to do with me, right?" Naruto declared, crossing his arms over his chest. Sasuke didn't reply, instead slowly lowering his head so he was looking down at his mug of tea. This allowed Naruto to wisely decide to take a few seconds to calm himself down and push away the unwanted feelings inside of him.
There was so much he wanted to tell Sasuke, so many things he wanted to know, but he needed to tread carefully since he was already lucky enough that they were sitting like this and trying to be civilized.
"Sasuke, I wanted you to meet my kid," Naruto ended up saying, once he felt like he was more in control of his own emotions. "I wanted you to see him, to hold him. I held Sarada in my arms and it was the most beautiful thing. Do you understand that? I wanted you to feel it, too, because it was such a huge deal for us, something I've always wanted to share with you. But you fucking ran away. It just pisses me off that you would reject such an important moment in our lives."
Sasuke tensed visibly. "I can't… embrace the concept just yet," he admitted, looking suddenly upset, the honesty in his words bringing chills up Naruto's spine. "Maybe you've envisioned it, but I never did. Not like this. Not us, with wives, holding each other's kids. It's just not… ideal for me."
It was like being slapped across the face because Naruto hadn't once thought of things from that perspective. It had felt natural, for him, to think that once one of them had kids, the other would want to be there and share that special moment. That's what friends did. That was what Naruto had wanted to do as soon as he heard that Sakura was pregnant – to be there for her and Sasuke.
But, he and Sasuke were no longer just 'friends'. Marriage, children… Sasuke hadn't chosen any of it, and while he had supported Naruto, he had never really truly accepted it. It made sense that Sasuke wouldn't feel compelled to simply barge into Naruto's life and into Naruto's family to simply pretend that he was okay with it when, in fact, he wasn't – had never been.
How could Sasuke ever accept something he had wanted for himself being taken away by someone else? Wasn't that how Naruto himself felt when he looked at Sarada and Boruto? When he thought about Sasuke being with someone else?
I really am a fool, Naruto thought, surprisingly angry at himself.
"Do you… want to know about him?" Naruto asked Sasuke, hesitantly. "My son, I mean? I don't remember if I ever told you his name…"
"I'd rather not," Sasuke interrupted, his voice soft, but definite, and yet he still wasn't looking at Naruto.
"Does it hurt you that much?" Naruto muttered, even if he already knew the answer.
"I don't know," Sasuke confessed, with an elegant shrug of his shoulders. "I don't know how I feel about it yet, even now. I'm…honestly so glad that you managed to understand the joy and importance of having a family but, at the same time, it just frustrates me beyond myself."
That sort of conflicting feeling was something Naruto could understand, even though he hadn't expected Sasuke to actually want Naruto to understand what having a normal 'family' meant. Then again, if Sasuke's family had once been the most important thing of his life, it was obvious that - considering Sasuke's feelings for Naruto - Sasuke would want Naruto to experience that kind of joy, as well. It was just that Naruto didn't know how to feel about it all of a sudden.
As much as he had observed Sasuke, there were so many details about the complexity of him that Naruto had never thought about.
Sasuke had always said that he wanted Naruto to have everything, hadn't he? Even the things Sasuke himself couldn't give him. The thought was… flattering and unsettling. More than being lovers they had been friends, two people who had connected through pain and loneliness - two people who felt for each other like families and soulmates do. Sasuke had always wanted Naruto to have everything regardless of how that made Sasuke himself feel.
"How did it feel, for you, to hold Sarada for the first time, though?" Naruto asked, hoping to stop the overflowing of emotions in him.
"I don't know," Sasuke repeated, his hand reaching out to touch the mug of tea, and even though his gestures were composed, it was clear that he was becoming slightly restless. He stared at the mug unblinkingly. "She was so small and feeble. It was an odd feeling, seeing her looking so much like me even though she's still so young. I suppose it was relieving in a way, but other than that I'm not sure whether it brought me immense happiness or a sense of utter despair. I don't know how I feel about her and how this will affect her future or our relationship as father and daughter."
It never failed to have an impact on Naruto how much Sasuke's words resonated within his very soul, forcing him to empathise, and in a way, it hurt him because once in a while, sharing Sasuke's feelings made him wonder what kind of person he truly was. Was he really this sort of man, selfish and unavoidably damaged by his own decisions, so torn apart by these kinds of conflicting types of love he didn't know how to sort out? Would Naruto's feelings for Sasuke end up influencing his future with his family so deeply? When Naruto thought about Hinata, he was sure that it would. He could only hope it would not affect Boruto the same way.
"You know what pisses me off the most?" Naruto hissed, shaking his head from side to side in self-disappointment. "You're being a bastard about this, because the things you say are so cruel, Sasuke, and yet I can't be mad at you specifically because I actually understand you. I understand your frustration very well."
Sasuke finally looked up at him, his expression inscrutable. "How so?"
"You haven't seen them together, Sasuke." Naruto clenched his fists over his knees. "Our kids. They're like us. And it was because of them that both our lives started spiralling out of control, and yet, when I look at them I just can't help but have these feelings of both exhilaration and resentment. I think about all the 'what ifs' and…"
"Shut up," Sasuke cut, upset, clearly understanding what Naruto wanted to convey. "What's even the point of you pointing out these things to me? What's the point of agonizing, huh, Naruto? Our kids look like us; isn't that just a fucking ridiculous cliché? It's like a fucking joke."
"It is, isn't it? I can't help but have these pathetic thoughts, though," Naruto confessed, looking into Sasuke's eyes. "I can't stop thinking about my own resentment and frustration towards this whole situation, and I can't stop thinking about how, if they had been ours instead, somehow…"
"This part of the conversation is useless," Sasuke interjected, becoming angry. "What kind of reasoning is this? As if something like that could ever be real! Why do you do this to yourself? Fantasising about things that are impossible..."
Naruto could only sigh tiredly. "I can't help it," he said.
"That's because you're an idiot," Sasuke huffed, annoyed. "It's all useless anyway."
"When it comes to you I'll always create expectations and idealize things, even though you never fail to do behave the exact opposite way, and even though I know some things will always be impossible!" Naruto protested, before swallowing hard due to the sudden embarrassment he felt. "But you are you, Sasuke, and I've long since chosen to… care for you just as you are. I guess that, when it comes down to it, I can't accept things as they are between us either because we were meant for more. A life with you, kids that are ours, growing old together. I guess… this is the real meaning of 'love'. And honestly, I'm fine embracing it as it is. Frustrating, stupid and hurtful as it might be, I don't want to feel differently."
What the hell am I even saying? Naruto thought desperately, bringing a hand to his mouth. His cheeks were burning. He hadn't been able to stop the vomit of embarrassing words coming out of his throat, but in the end… that was how he truly felt, wasn't it?
He hadn't given it that much thought, but he supposed this was the naked truth. I want that kind of life with you, huh?
When Sasuke's hand clutched tightly around his mug of tea, Naruto couldn't help but notice the slight tremor of his hand, giving away how upsetting those words had been for him. Naruto knew he had probably taken things a bit too far considering their situation, and that hearing such things was painful for Sasuke at this point, but…
If Naruto wanted to tear down his walls, he had no choice but break him with every honest feeling he had, even if it hurt the both of them. He wasn't going to allow Sasuke to be in charge of things anymore, and he wasn't going to allow him to keep silencing the unmistakable truth of what they were. He didn't want to think that Sasuke might end up shutting him down completely out of pride alone.
It was because he wanted Sasuke to have his own space to be honest that he decided to not say anything else and simply watch as Sasuke took his time sipping on his tea. There was a very dignified and stern posture about him despite how obvious it was for Naruto that he was all over the place, so he let him regain his composure.
"Naruto, please look after Sarada, if you can," Sasuke requested slowly, after a while. "I will repay it to you eventually, and do something for your kid in return."
You're not going to indulge me, then, Naruto concluded, seeing how swiftly Sasuke had ignored his heartfelt confession and effectively brought back the conversation of their kids. There was no way Sasuke hadn't been moved, Naruto could feel it in his very body. Sasuke felt the same way, wanted the same thing, but he wasn't allowing himself to be charmed.
Naruto smirked to himself, refusing to feel disheartened, and lowered his hand with renewed conviction. You're not getting away from me, stubborn bastard.
While the request was surprising, in a way, it was to be expected. "I don't think Sakura-chan even wants me to be that close to them, but yeah, I'll do my best," Naruto promised, leaning forward slightly in a small, formal bow.
Traditionally, Sasuke bowed slightly back, a genuine look of gratefulness in his eyes. "Thank you."
Naruto's brain was all over the place. Why was Sasuke so easy to understand, and yet so complicated to read at the same time?
"What about this place?" Naruto questioned, choosing to indulge Sasuke just a while longer. "I noticed you've been making changes around here."
The change of subject seemed to help Sasuke fall into a more relaxed stance. "If possible, I do want this to become my dream village, eventually," he said honestly, giving voice to Naruto's assumptions.
"I thought so."
"I know it takes time and effort, and most of all, cooperation from everyone here," Sasuke acknowledged, playing with his mug almost absently. "Under no circumstance do I want to impose a culture or a way of living that's not acceptable to the villagers. But if I can expand this place and make it a home for people without a place to return to… if this can bring everyone happiness, comfort and a sense of joined compassion towards the world that's similar to mine… surely, we'll make progress at some point."
Naruto swallowed hard, a familiar tightness wrapping around his heart. "When I look at you, with all your ideals and dreams, I almost feel like my dream of becoming Hokage is frivolous."
"It's not frivolous." Sasuke frowned at him. "Becoming Hokage will allow you to change the world according to your own vision. You'll be able to help me, too."
"I definitely want to work with you as soon as possible," Naruto confided, unable to hold back a smile even though his heart had suddenly started beating faster in excitement at the prospect. "It's actually one of things that makes me want to reach the future faster."
"Everything takes time," Sasuke muttered. "And money, I suppose."
"Your motivation is beautiful," Naruto said, crossing his arms and placing them over the table as he eyed his friend with an open fondness he couldn't suppress if he tried. "I don't know what's going through your mind right now but when you follow your heart, I can't help a part of me from empathising. I'm pissed at you for not telling me things beforehand, but I'm also happy, I guess, and proud. Maybe envious of you, yes."
"It was your choice to not be a participant in my personal adventures," Sasuke said, quietly but ruthlessly. "They could've been our adventures, Naruto."
With an annoyed groan, Naruto scratched his nose with his index finger. Sasuke would never let him live that down, huh? Well, it's not like he could blame him.
"So, are you going to raise Katsu-chan to be shinobi?" Naruto ended up asking, once more changing the subject so the mood wouldn't sour again.
Sasuke took another sip in his tea. "I don't know. I want him to be able to defend himself, at least, but whether he wants to follow the shinobi life or not, that's something for him to decide." He looked down at the mug he had just put down, thoughtfully. "In fact, I want him to be free to choose the kind of life he wants to lead. As long as he turns out to be a good man who's faithful to his own principles, I'll be happy enough."
Naruto hummed. That was such a 'Sasuke' thing to say, honourable to the very end. "I hope you do understand that you can't keep Katsu-chan's existence a secret for long," he said, carefully. "Just like you'll have to eventually tell him, and everyone here, that you have another family back in Konoha."
"I know that," Sasuke assured, unperturbed. "All in its due time, Naruto. You don't have to concern yourself with my affairs."
"Even if you say that…"
"Let's not talk about this anymore," Sasuke cut, effectively forcing Naruto to close his mouth. "I'm tired already. If you have anything else to ask, then go ahead."
How many lovers did you take up until now?
Why did you tell Gaara about Katsuo but left me in in the dark?
Why are you still being like this?
Why are you constantly closing the gap between us only to create more distance afterwards?
But Naruto wouldn't ask these things. It didn't matter anyway, because he sure as hell was going to turn things around. Knowing he had the upper hand when compared to others was all he needed. He was the only one for Sasuke, just as Sasuke as the only one for him, no matter who or what got in between them. That was a power he would always hold.
Biting down on his tongue, Naruto heaved a sigh and shifted so he could stretch his legs under the large table to stop them from going numb. His toes connected with Sasuke's knee but the other man didn't say a thing. Sasuke patiently kept sipping his tea as Naruto then readjusted himself so he was also on his knees, sitting on his heels. It wasn't a position Naruto would ever choose of his own accord, too stiff and too formal, but in a way, he thought it would be fitting to add yet another level of depth to the continuation of their conversation. Maybe this way Sasuke would understand that Naruto was to be taken seriously.
He wanted to send a message, and from the way Sasuke's eyebrow quirked slightly in his direction, his friend understood this.
Straightening his back as much as he could, Naruto placed both hands over his thighs, looking down at them. "A lot of things have happened in this last couple of years, huh?" He muttered, with a small sigh. "It feels like forever has gone by since we've been together like this, and yet, it's like it was only yesterday that I was here with you, in this village, sleeping in that smelly barn."
"I still slept there for a while; it made me feel at ease, even though Misato was always telling me to move in with them," Sasuke confessed, nostalgically. "But when I brought Katsuo in, she practically forced us to live here."
The corner of Naruto's mouth twitched. "I'm glad you now have people that you want to rely on instead of thinking you have to do everything by yourself," he said, honestly. "This may be a selfish thing to say but, Sasuke, I'm your friend, too, and you can rely on me. I know you said we would live separately and reach our individual goals before anything else. I know you said you wanted me to do the best I can in this life I chose, and I know you said we weren't going to talk about our relationship anymore. I know you don't want to deal with it more than you have to. But that's the thing – it was all you. You decided everything for yourself, because it's convenient for you. You never let me have a say in it."
"My way of dealing with things is the right one, Naruto, and you know it" Sasuke replied, sternly now, and Naruto could tell his eyes were intensely fixed on him. "It's the only way we can help getting hurt. I'm thinking of you, as well. That's why boundaries need to be established and not trespassed, because the moment one of us breaks the rules, everything falls apart."
"You kissed me!" Naruto accused, clenching his fists over his lap. "Granted, I might've probably provoked you because I really wanted you to do it, but you still did it first. You always do."
"That's why we should never break the rules!" Sasuke pressed on stubbornly. "You shouldn't have come here, and I shouldn't have kissed you. One slip and it's a constant unfold of events, and no matter how fascinating and alluring it all is, it can't be like that." Naruto felt Sasuke's energy changing once more, to one of distress and annoyance. "It's because I know I'm weak when it comes to you that I need these boundaries to be respected, Naruto. You of all people should know where I'm coming from."
"I do, and yet I don't." Looking up resolutely, Naruto met Sasuke's stare. "I understand that I'm not supposed to leave my family to come and see you. I understand I'm not supposed to give in to intimacy because I'm married and so are you. But, in the end, seeing you or not seeing you; being lovers or just being friends; It's all a fucking pain in the ass either way because I still want you and it's a sort of feeling that won't disappear or diminish no matter how much I will it to. That's not how it works, Sasuke."
For a moment, Sasuke's intense gaze faltered and became gloomy. Within himself, Naruto could feel Sasuke's emotions of resignation, sadness and a longing so strong that it pulled at his heartstrings. All he wanted was to be able to reach out to him and make it all go away, for both their sakes, but he knew already that he couldn't do that to Sasuke. There was only so much he could force out of his friend.
"I know very well how it works," Sasuke whispered, shaking his head from side to side tiredly. "But what else am I supposed to do? Giving in is always just a childish indulgence on both our parts, and you know it. It may have a meaning, but it serves no purpose when nothing will come out of it. We're already worlds apart, and that, to me, is worse than me not having you as a lover." It was his turn to swallow hard before continuing, his words clearly difficult for him to utter. "It's easier to live as your friend than to be your fleeting lover without a purpose. I don't need to borrow your body if it's never going to be mine. It doesn't work when it's you. I don't deal well with things being taken away from me. At least your friendship is something I know is impossible to be sabotaged. At least those feelings are mine alone and will be with me to the very end."
In spite of himself, Naruto was shocked. He would've gasped but found his breath painfully stuck in his throat.
Had Sasuke really been living his life believing that they'd live separate lives forever?
But… I told him, didn't I? That someday, for sure we'd…
Does he have that little faith in me? In us?
But then again, didn't things just seem so terribly dire lately? Hadn't the world changed so much and so suddenly around them that everything seemed larger and bigger than themselves?
Didn't their lives currently feel like they had reached a point of no return?
It wasn't like Naruto could blame his friend for feeling like it would be this way forever.
Still, it was hope that made Naruto move forward – the hope that, once he became Hokage and their paths finally met again, he and Sasuke would be able to start carving something new for them. He had honestly thought that Sasuke had been able to see it, too – to feel his intentions – but was somehow being revengeful out of bitterness for how things had turned out for them.
Sasuke's insisting that they stay away from each other had always felt to Naruto like some kind of punishment, and calling it as such was probably accurate. Either way, Sasuke was right in behaving the way he did and in wanting things to be the way they were – it was only sensible all things considered. It wasn't that Naruto couldn't understand where he was coming from.
But… to think that Sasuke was pulling away from him because he thought…
"Do you think I'd want to use you?" The question left Naruto's mouth with bewilderment. "I mean, I know I can come across as lame and pathetic when it comes to you, and that my feelings are persistent and nagging; and I understand that they are a burden to you. I would be lying if I said that I'm not dying to be able to hold you right now with every second that ticks by, and I know this affects you greatly, but…"
"Naruto…"
"… I never wanted you to simply have an affair with me!" Naruto blurted out, feeling suddenly agitated because being misunderstood wasn't an option. "Hell, I didn't come here believing I was going to have sex with you! I just want to be with you, to be a part of your life, to be by your side as much as I can! But we're not friends anymore, Sasuke, and nothing will change that! Just like nothing will change the fact that we're now married to other people and have kids! But that's not… that doesn't mean it's supposed to be over between us!"
"Yes, it does!" Sasuke contradicted, now with an angry frown. "If you're not after an affair then what the fuck do you want from me? You say you want to be part of my life and yet you say we're not friends, but I already told I'm not going to be your fuck buddy!"
"I don't want you to be my fuck buddy! Are you seriously saying this to me, Sasuke?! Don't you know you're way more valuable than that?!" Naruto yelled, feeling offended. "Fuck, I never harassed you! I can't help how I feel, but I've always given you your space! I always wait for you to take the first step, and guess what, you always do! It's got nothing to do with having an affair! You know we can't help it, so why can't you simply accept that this is how it's always going to be and make things easier for the both of us?"
"Because I can't live my life based on concepts, and that's what we are right now!" Sasuke snapped, and the cold way he raised his voice made Naruto purse his lips together. "Our whole relationship right now is a concept we've created; but concepts aren't real things, they're just theories that more often than not don't work in practical aspects. And I don't need something I can't grasp, Naruto; it's as simple as that."
"I'm right here!" Naruto contradicted, rolling his eyes. "I'm always within you reach if you want me to! We're real! All of this between us is real and still you're saying it's impossible…"
"I don't need to be given scraps of you," Sasuke spat, but the way his voice cracked ever so slightly punch the breath out of Naruto's lungs. "I don't need be fed with illusions of us only to be left with nothing, over and over again, until I die. I don't want to live this way for the rest of my life! You don't understand how it makes me feel, you don't…"
"Stop it!" Naruto interrupted, lifting one hand up while the other rubbed at his chest – his heart was thumping far too painfully from the sudden wave of Sasuke's feelings crashing over him. "Just… you're misunderstanding everything!"
"I'm not misunderstanding, I'm just upset," Sasuke said, before pinching the bridge of his nose. "I know, we can't help it, Naruto, and I've long since accepted that. That's why I need to stay away from you. Because all of this is painful. Being close to you, or being away from you… as you said, it's all the same. Because no matter what we do, or think, we'll always be this stupidly drawn to each other. But I'd rather not have you at all and make peace with that than live as your lover in the shadows forever. It's a matter of principle, and I wish you would simply accept and respect that."
"Why should I?" Naruto grunted defiantly, placing an arm on the table and leaning demandingly leaning forward. "I can feel what you're feeling. You're supposed to feel me, too. Are you simply telling me to accept you slipping away from me just because you have your own ideas about how the future will be? Because everything has to be your way or no way at all?"
"Unlike you, I'm objective and don't live in a world of make believe," Sasuke countered irritably. "Things aren't always the way we want them to be regardless of how much we understand each other's feelings."
Naruto slammed his hand on the table, inhaling sharply. Furiously, he pointed his index finger at his friend. "Listen here, you. I don't care what you say or what you think you know. I'm here for you, and I always will. I'm not going to let you do everything alone as you please anymore. You're not going to run away from me again, and you're not going to close yourself off for months on end, because if you do, I don't care what I have to do, but I will chase you down to the ends of the earth."
"I'd like to see you try," Sasuke retorted, without smiling.
"You don't have a say in this," Naruto proceeded firmly, ignoring the irritation and impatience he could feel coming from the other man and challengingly not breaking eye contact. "And you're going to listen to me closely, Uchiha Sasuke, because I sure as hell am not going to make things clear a third time."
Despite Sasuke's unconvinced expression, Naruto straightened his back again, trying to look as imposing as he possibly could. "I never wanted you to have an affair with me. All I want is for us to accept each other as we are, freely and without demands, like we always have. Right now, we're on even ground and our situations are similar. It's true that there isn't much we can change at this point, and it's true that I fucked up from the start, way before I realized how I felt about you. But…"
The gods help him, why did his heart hurt so much? It pounded with such a force it seemed to not belong inside his chest at all. He could feel the weight of Sasuke's own feelings and it made it hard to think and breathe because he didn't know which feeling belonged to whom. Maybe it was some strange phenomena that changed their hearts whenever he and Sasuke were close like this. It wasn't the first time that he felt that their hearts connected and somehow mutated when they were together, to become one. Naruto liked to believe that they could beat in sync, too.
He wished these strong feelings he had could reach the man sitting across from him more clearly than his clumsy words did. He knew Sasuke felt them, he just didn't know how Sasuke interpreted them.
"I honestly don't understand how you can think that there is no point, that we're just a fuckng concept," Naruto proceeded, forcing his voice to remain steady. "Because it doesn't feel like a concept when I'm constantly worrying about you, and thinking about whether you're alright. It doesn't feel like it's pointless when I remember what it feels like to sleep beside you and to see you smile. It's not a concept, for me, when I desperately want to see you and feel your touch so much I forget what I'm supposed to do with myself."
Sasuke pursed his lips together, and once more, looked away from him. "I don't want to hear these things from you," he said dryly. "Do you do it on purpose to hurt me? Because this…"
"It's because I know you're hurting that I've given this a lot of thought," Naruto cut once more, unwilling to let Sasuke manipulate things with his chivalrous ideals again. "And I don't want us to have an affair, but I do want us to be the partners we're supposed to be, and yes, I do want to be your lover. Not out of a whim, not for sex, but because, no matter what happens, you will always be the one person I need in my life and the one I can't live without. I do love you with everything I have, even if you don't want to hear it. And I don't want to have a double life with you, or a make-believe one, but I want to be as involved with your life as much as I can because… I will be a part of it at some point in the future. So, for bad or worse, we need to build that future together."
Sasuke closed his eyes and exhaled loudly. Naruto could feel the whirlwind of emotions inside of him even though Sasuke was sitting very straight and very still, like a beautiful porcelain doll. "I don't understand what you're getting at," Sasuke said, even though his voice was giving nothing away.
I'm not letting you hide from me, Sasuke.
"I'm saying that there is a purpose," Naruto explained, softly this time. "There are things the both of us must achieve first. There is no fixing what's been broken. But there will come a time when we'll be able to create something for ourselves. I will make sure it happens. I won't accept anything else."
"When we're nearly dying of old age?" There was no mockery in Sasuke's tone. "I'm going to have to pass on that. I'm not going to sit around and wait for you forever."
"Of course not!"
Hesitating only for a second, Naruto carefully moved on his hands and knees towards the other man and stopped beside him. He could see Sasuke's shoulders stiffening as he sensed his proximity, but his face was still stubbornly facing the opposite direction. Reaching out a hand, Naruto carefully touched his chin and gently turned his face to him. Sasuke allowed it, opening his eyes so he could look at him.
Naruto often wondered how Sasuke could manage to force himself to look so stoic when they were close like this. Inside, Naruto was a mess and wanted nothing more than to break remaining the distance and consume the other man in any way he could. It took everything he had for him fake his composure like this.
More often than not, he wished Sasuke would just drop his guard down completely when around him, so he could see reflected in those attractive features all the things he knew his friend was feeling. He wanted to see the same expressions Sasuke had showed the previous night, when their longing had been so completely exposed to each other nothing else had mattered.
Swallowing hard, Naruto brushed Sasuke's fringe away from his other eye, the beautiful purple of the rinnegan meeting his stare. "There's so much I want to see and do with you," Naruto whispered. "There's a world we must build together, side by side. That's why I want to become Hokage as soon as possible and do as much as I can, as quickly as possible. I want to be with you. Do you understand?"
Sasuke's gaze roamed over his features. "Sometimes I wish I didn't," he muttered.
Naruto's hand took the liberty of sliding its way to Sasuke's neck, the firm, yet smooth skin causing a sense of fascination in him. "Hinata knows about how I feel for you," he explained. "She was the one who told me to come, seeing how miserable I was all the time. She said she understood there were things only you could give me. We didn't talk much about it, but she understands."
Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "You're a disgrace, and your woman has no pride."
"She loves me and wants to see me happy," Naruto defended, and he would've smiled if he wasn't so burdened by the heavy atmosphere around them. "I feel sad for her, because she doesn't deserve it. I'm a terrible, selfish person because of you, and I'm hurting her. But if she knows, then there's nothing I can do to reverse things. She probably knows that it's a matter of time for us, but…"
"Again, you're being idealistic," Sasuke retorted, almost condescendingly now. "You say you want to live a life with me at some point, but you already know my reality and how I live. Will you really abandon your child, your life, your beloved village…"
"That's not something you need to concern yourself with," Naruto interrupted firmly, giving Sasuke a bit of his own medicine. With his free hand, he searched for Sasuke's – finding it resting over his lap - and held it tightly. "I can't make promises as to when it'll happen, and I sure as hell don't know how the fuck it's going to happen nor what I'll have to do to achieve it with minimal damage. But I can promise you that it will. And I need you to have faith in me, Sasuke. I need us to be in this together."
Finally, the corner of Sasuke's mouth twitched slightly. Finally, he allowed himself to look patronising and obviously endeared for some reason. "So, you're telling me that, because your wife knows about us and has given you permission to be with me, we should just be together," he said, with a small, slightly mocking shrug. "Since she knows, it's not considered an 'affair' because I'd be waiting for you, and when you put things in that perspective, that would mean that we'd simply be in a long-distance relationship until the day comes when we can live together."
In spite of himself, Naruto had to laugh. "Come on, don't make me seem like such an asshole."
"Well, you certainly sound like one," Sasuke accused, mercilessly.
Huffing, Naruto let his head fall so his forehead was resting on Sasuke's shoulder. His thumb brushed over the top of Sasuke's hand. "It's not like I'm telling you that we have to fuck every time we see each other, that's not what this is about. You know it's much more than sex between us," he mumbled, sighing at just how perfect just this bit of intimacy was. Being in contact with Sasuke alone was a heavenly relief. "I'm just asking you to let go of your boundaries and accept us the way we are. I'm asking you to stop running away from me. If we have to live apart, at least let us meet whenever we have the chance and be happy when we're together instead of always feeling so damn miserable all the time."
Naruto could feel a small, gentle pressure at the top of his head and he knew that he was being kissed. He bit down on his lower lip, his very soul filled with nothing but blissful relief.
"I don't know what to say to you, Naruto," Sasuke whispered solemnly, against his hair. Turning his palm upwards, he held Naruto's hand back. "My principles are as strong as my desires, and I know I'm always the biggest hypocrite in this. I keep pushing you away, and then I'm always the one to close the gap between us. I know my actions hurt you, and that's not something I'm happy about. I just don't like the way things have turned out. No matter what we do, it'll still be nothing but momentary fantasies. Whether others know it and accept it or not, our reality remains the same. And I'm very, very tired of it already."
Lifting his head up, Naruto brought his lips close to Sasuke's ear as his arm encircled his neck in a semi-hug. "You think too much," he said in a whisper. "Those fantasies should be used to fuel your passion towards what's already ours and what we'll definitely have someday. I'm making a promise to you here. If you stop being so difficult all the time, things will be better and easier for us. You're tired, and so am I. I'm sick of hurting, sick or pretending to not feel the way I do. I can't do it anymore, Sasuke. I won't."
Sasuke heaved a sigh. "Somehow your vision of happiness is so very different from mine," he said. "You seem to ask so little of me, and yet it feels like too much."
"How is our freedom together too much?" Naruto protested, before placing a timid kiss on Sasuke's cheek. He was glad Sasuke didn't push him away, so he nuzzled the spot with his nose as he held Sasuke tighter. "Just being with you like this is already enough for me. I feel like nothing could possibly go wrong and I feel like I have the strength to endure whatever comes my way."
He leaned away so he could look at Sasuke again, determinedly. "I'm not demanding anything from you – not your exclusiveness, not your body, not your response to whatever whims I may have. I know that's not in my right, and we both have our duties to fulfil. I'm just asking you to accept 'us' and have faith in 'us'. Just… wait for me. Is that really too much to ask?"
Even though Naruto's whole speech had been meant to somehow set Sasuke's heart ablaze, he understood that Sasuke was more than a little disenchanted at this point. He could feel Sasuke's doubts, his stubbornness in not wanting to give in to idealisms, but also that unbearable yearning for him he carried that allowed a small flicker of hope to burn him. Still, Sasuke was too objective to allow himself to be enamoured by words, or even by a promise of a lifetime, even if it came from Naruto himself.
Naruto's words had been nothing but sincere, but he had worn a mask of casualty to try and hide the despair he felt, even though he knew Sasuke could clearly feel it. It was true that he didn't want to demand things from the other man, but the fear that their situation might go back to how it was – that Sasuke might want to insist on staying away from him – almost drove him insane. Determined as he was, it terrified him the thought that he might go back to Konoha without knowing how things stood between him and his best friend. He didn't think he could handle another two years of absence and rejection.
He didn't want to live like that anymore. He didn't want to be in that constant state of frustration and anxiety simply because Sasuke didn't want to make things too personal between them. He didn't want to need Sasuke and agonize about whether he'd even be allowed to touch him and talk to him the next time they saw each other.
Why should they hurt each other like that when they could at least find a sense of comfort together?
Releasing Naruto's hand, Sasuke touched his palm to Naruto's chest, right above his heart. "Everything between us is always too much to ask," he said frankly, his voice low but smoothly clear. "This sense of wanting you as if my life depends on it, and the simultaneous need to spare myself the drama…" he looked down to Naruto's chest, as if he could see what was inside. "I don't think our current situation will ever be something I will get used to. I can't possibly promise that I'll always be in the mood to play the part of your lover, with or without the sex. I can't promise I'll always be emotionally available for you, even if I'm in Konoha, because the position we're both in isn't something I will ever be able to fully accept."
"I understand, and I respect that," Naruto assured him quickly, even if it disheartened him a bit.
Sasuke looked up at him again, his hand fisting Naruto's sweater. "Waiting for you is all I ever do, Naruto; so please, don't demand anything else of me. Accepting us is something I can do, but no matter how much I want to let go and be the way you want me to be, I'm not like you and I will always be burdened by this impending feeling of anger and loss towards what we could've had from the start." He licked at his lips and took a deep breath. "We could have it all, right now, and yet this is all we have, and all we'll have for a long time. I can't deal with these fleeting indulgences the way you do. I get angry every time I'm forced to be with you and then having to let you go to a world I'm not part of. Even if you say you want a future with me, the right now carries too much weight. Even if I trust your word, that doesn't stop me from feeling the way I do."
"I understand how you feel, and I don't want to put any sort of pressure on you," Naruto said urgently, the hand he still had on Sasuke's thigh moving to touch his belly. "I'll take whatever you feel like you can give me. And I guess this makes us even, right? We'll both be waiting for each other, but in different circumstances and in different ways."
"I suppose so." Sasuke's hand relaxed a bit as his voice became a bit sarcastic. "From that perspective, it makes me feel better that you'll also feel a bit miserable."
"Fucker," Naruto teased nervously, tightening his arm around Sasuke's shoulders. He couldn't blame Sasuke for not feeling the way he did – for not desiring this between them just as much and wanting to just get whatever he could. Sasuke wasn't like him, and his pride and ideals worked his heart in cautious ways Naruto's didn't. Nothing was ideal for neither of them, and even when it came to them and their feelings for each other, not even this was enough for them to see eye to eye.
But… Sasuke was conceding just a bit, right?
The man in Naruto's arms tilted his head up so their faces were intimately close, their noses touching. Naruto had the impulse to lean in and close the gap between them, but his friend's words were too fresh in his mind and he didn't dare. Sasuke's feelings always called out to him, luring him in irresistibly, but Sasuke's mind was a completely different thing and, right now, Naruto didn't understand exactly how emotionally 'available' Sasuke was. There was too much tension in Sasuke's body still, his aura more resigned than exactly accepting. Naruto understood that being this close after everything they had talked about was a privilege itself, and he didn't want to compromise even this much.
In times like these, just thinking that he could easily spend hours simply touching Sasuke like this was enough for him.
A moment of silent contemplation passed between them during which his heart seemed to soar gently. Naruto lived for moments like these – this was what he had been hoping for all along. "Come on, just hug me already, this is getting really frustrating," he whispered.
Even with their proximity he could clearly perceive Sasuke rolling his eyes. "Talking to you is exhausting," he said, with a sigh. "Then again, being in your general presence always is."
Either way, Sasuke ended up willingly twisting his body towards him and putting his arm around Naruto's neck to pull him close. Naruto had to adjust his own body more so they could hug properly, shifting on his knees to come closer while trying not to fall across Sasuke's lap. It wasn't exactly an easy task considering their positions, but it was fine. It didn't matter as long as they could share this. Even with all the hesitation and uneasiness, at least it seemed like they had found some sort of common ground and got their feelings across. It would just have to be enough for them, for now. This was already more than Naruto could have possibly asked for.
At least now they had something else to fight for. Even if Sasuke hadn't really shown a lot of faith towards their future together, for sure, he'd fight for it in his own way because that was who Sasuke was.
Without a doubt, Sasuke loved Naruto, and their bond was one of the things he cherished the most.
They belonged to each other. Regardless of how things might turn out for them, or how Sasuke felt about it, in the end, they'd always belong close to each other just like this, and this was the only certainty Naruto had in his life – that they'd always end up finding each other and colliding just like this. Everything else… how Sasuke chose to live his life, the decisions he made, whom he chose to care for, what he prioritized…
Who the fuck am I to tell him what to do when I can't control how I feel about my own life and the people in it?
Surely there would be a lot of things that would make them bicker and not agree with each other. Surely, they'd be frustrated at each other often, and without a doubt, they'd still do things that would unavoidably hurt the other. There was no helping it when they were parallel beings, fated to collide and be each other's reverse of the coin.
At least we have each other, one way or the other. As long as that's ours, we'll overcome this. If he waits for me, I'll wait for him, too.
"Don't you just love the tension?" Naruto said playfully against Sasuke's neck, with a content sigh. He felt so fulfilled with just this that he even had goose bumps. He enjoyed the way Sasuke's hair brushed his closed eyelids. "I don't think I'll ever be able to understand it, but you make me really happy. Just seeing you makes me happy. It's the weirdest feeling in the world."
Sasuke grunted. "You're disgusting," he muttered grumpily, but there was also a hint of joy behind his words, embarrassment, too. There was a moment of hesitation before his arm squeezed Naruto tighter. Sasuke's heart was beating just as wildly, his breathing just that little bit more elaborate. He took a quick breath before saying "Are you going to kiss me of your own volition or not?"
In Naruto's excitement, he didn't really need to be told twice as he pulled away only enough so his lips could eagerly meet the ones of his friend with far too much force. Sasuke's mouth was instantly receptive and immediately moved against his, but slowly, in a rather deep and intense kiss that Naruto understood was meant to be felt and enjoyed, like a quiet re-exploration of each other that served to remind them both of this beautiful sense of belonging that was theirs alone. It was a different kind of passionate from those mindless kisses they shared in the heat of the moment, but was in no way less searing. They could feel trace of each other's bodies like this, be aware of every move, every sigh, every moan, every slippery sound, and be very aware of details they wouldn't have otherwise. The taste of Sasuke, the methodical way their tongues met, the slide of their lips. The way their bodies would shiver gently on occasion. Sasuke's firm, soft skin as Naruto's hand slipped underneath his sweater to touch his naked firm stomach. The way Sasuke's body pressed slightly forward to be more in contact.
How the temperature seemed to rise, slowly but steadily, and the air seemed to become heavier, making it increasingly harder to breathe. The familiar dizziness that made both their heads spins and their chests tremble. That spiralling chaos of their shared feelings.
The door was still open. Anyone casually passing by would see them, but neither cared.
This was theirs right now, and simple as it was, there was nothing that would ever compare.
TBC…
Okay, so… let's see how things will go from now on. Sasuke is clearly a bit reluctant, but I guess he can't help but wanting it, too, even if he's always going about things in a 'my way or the highway' style. In the end, it's his principles being savaged, and it's him who decided how 'emotionally available' he is in all of this. Tough cookie ^^
Next chapter will be a lot more lighthearted, with Sasuke and Naruto spending a bit of time together with little Katsuo, and Naruto's return to Konoha. Probably will be an equally gigantic chapter. Let's see how things go between the boys, heh?
Thank you all for your constant support and for not giving up on this fic! You have no idea how much I cherish and appreciate every single one of you!
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