I stayed up all night trying to find a solution. Even if my mom gets a second job, and I got a job we still would not be able to keep the house without seriously scrimping on food and utilities. Suddenly I hear my phone go off, making me jump. I see that it is an email from Jacques. I instantly open it, very welcome to have a good distraction.

Blue,

Defiantly still the coolest person I know, don't worry. I bet you were so cute just standing their chewing Barney. Defiantly not a disappointing story. It could have been worse, you could have started choking and had to go to the ER. That would have been truly tragic.

Ok, I'm dying to know how did you discover you were gay.

-Jacques

P.S. I slept with a stuffed dog I named Grunka until I was 12, so you're not alone.

P.P.S. Please remind me to call you dinosucker from now on. It is just too great of a nickname to lose.

For a moment everything's perfect, I have someone out there who cares so much about me. But that feeling lasts for only a moment before I am brought back to reality. I have to find a way to stay, I can't lose Jacques.

Jacques,

That's true, it could have been worse. No way I will ever remind you of that nickname. How I realized I was gay, well that would be another embarrassing story.

I realized I was gay at a wedding. I know sounds super romantic, right? Well no/ It was my dad's wedding. Well, one of the guests there was the bride's cousins. I don't even know how to explain this guy to you. He, to this day, is one of the hottest guys I've ever seen. I'm talking tom Holland levels of hot. The second I see him I instantly reached into my back pocket to text my friend about him, then I realize two things. First of all, I'm drooling over a guy, and second of all my friend would be completely and utterly confused. He then starts walking over to me and asks if I'm lost. Of course, he assumes I'm lost, I'm a ten-year-old standing in the middle of the room staring at this random guy. And being the awkward person I am, I take my hand and run it down the side of his face. Then realizing what I was doing I ran to the nearest close where I stayed for the entire reception. For the next few weeks, I kept thinking about him. Finally, I came to the conclusion I was gay. What about you, what's your story?

-Blue

I feel completely pancaked. I can't sleep, I feel like I have a ball of stress resonating in the pit of my stomach. My heart is racing and I can barely breathe. I thought emailing Jacques would make me feel better, but it just reminded me of what I could lose. Sometimes I feel like he is all I have. This random guy I don't even know the name of is my entire world.

School on Monday is miserable. I am completely and utterly exhausted. Plus, I have his huge problem hanging over my head that is completely stressing me out. To top the day off Garret ends up integrating me on why I seem so upset and tired, and I make the idiotic mistake of telling him. "NO NO NO NO, you cannot leave! I refuse. If you leave I'm coming with you." Then again knowing he cares so much is kind of great. "Don't worry, I'll do everything I can to stay. I will make a plan." For a moment, he just stares at me, "ok." He says unsurely. Then I am left alone again. I know he means the best, but he has somehow managed to make me worry even more. But he is right, and I do need to make a plan, tonight.