Chapter 1
Alex scratched at the back of his head while he looked over the mess on his bed. He really hated when clients made food requests; not only was he getting sick of strawberries and whipped cream but he just hated the idea of food in bed overall. And the chocolate spilled on the sheets was likely going to stain. He glanced at the clock, his next session wasn't due for another 20 minutes, and he silently thanked god he had learned to schedule these breaks in between his private cam sessions. Sighing, Alex began to strip the bed. There was nothing he could do to salvage the sheets right now and he knew that some private clients didn't like the idea that a sex worker would dare to entertain other people while they weren't watching, as if he didn't have bills to pay or this was just some kind of hobby he only indulged in for them. Whatever, the fees people had to pay just to consider watching his shows were enough to cover things like this.
He carried the sheets into the small bathroom with him and dumped them in the hamper before turning on the shower and stepping immediately in. He quickly rinsed off what was left of the chocolate sauce on his body and in his hair under the cool water and stepped back out, grabbing a towel and a fresh set of sheets as he headed back to his current work station. "Okay, who's next on the docket?" he murmured, looking over the screen of his computer. T-minus 15 minutes the counter read, and he smiled as he read the name on the screen. "Ahhh, A. Ramos, we meet again." Alex pulled up the special requests box his clients used to inform him of what they expected in their sessions, things like 'wear this kind of outfit,' 'make use of this toy,' or 'cover yourself in chocolate and bay like a donkey.' Standard stuff like that. "Looks like the usual," Alex muttered to himself as he read over the written requests. Toy. Touching self. Hush, hush. "Well, Mr. Ramos, you are nothing if not consistent, I'll give you that." T-minus 14 minutes, the counter now read. Alex got up, unfolded the new sheets, and went to work quickly covering his mattress with the efficiency of a hotel maid. Just something you pick up in these kinds of jobs. He crawled up onto the mattress once he was done and ran the towel over his hair once more before tossing it out of view to the side. The nice thing about this client was that one of his requests was always that Alex greet him fully nude. He was running his hands through his hair to tame it just as his computer chimed the session was about to start. Alex grinned into the camera, his computer screen displaying a black void where he should have been able to see his client from their own webcam. "Welcome back, darling," he purred. Beside the black void a chat box pinged with a message and, as usual, Alex leaned over to correct the screen into giving him a better display of the chat rather then the webcam feed.
Hello Lin. It's nice to see you again.
He chuckled. "One day I would love to say the same to you, mon cher. But it looks like today won't be that day, will it?" Lin Garland was Alex's porn star name, a combination of his middle name and one of the many streets he'd once lived on. Not that original, he knew, but it didn't sound all that far fetched for a name.
Afraid not.
"That's okay. What is life without some mystery, right?" He trailed a hand down his chest, his other caressing his thigh.
Thank you for understanding.
"Of course, mon cher," Alex replied. He left out that it wasn't that uncommon for clients to keep their own webcams off or even just refuse to come into frame. He was an openly bisexual male doing cam shows after all, it attracted a certain kind of person. While Alex found it far easier to read people through the use of a video feed, he couldn't deny that sometimes it was just easier for him to work when that wasn't there. Just easier to put on a smile when he didn't have to see someone dead-on staring at him as they wanked it to whatever lewd sexual act they wanted to see him perform. But you learn what keeps your fan base happy and as long as you cater to that it keeps everything running smoothly. "Let me know when you'd like me to begin."
The chat box stayed quite for a moment, and Alex kept himself on display. This was part of this client's usual routine, a few minutes of 'appreciating' the look of Alex's body, then he usually began to instruct Alex on how to fondle himself. Stay pretty quiet, don't be loud or over the top, sometimes they asked for use of a toy, sometimes just wanted Alex to tease them. Once they asked Alex to recite french poetry for a whole session, after they heard him say something in french. Tame, he knew, but compared to some of the requests he'd been asked to perform he could appreciate tame. Besides, Ramos was a client that always requested the last slot of Alex's personal sessions when he made an appointment, so Alex was worn out anyway. If all he had to do was lay back and touch himself a little or speak in French to appease this client then so be it. The chat box dinged and Alex peeked at what was said.
You're really beautiful, you know that, right?
Alex grinned despite himself. "I may have heard that a few times, yeah."
Do other men tell you that?
Internally he flinched, but tried to keep his emotions off his face. Ramos never asked about other clients, and Alex never liked having to talk about the fact that he was a porn star with clients. Like c'mon, it wasn't something they weren't already aware of about him, yet more often then not whenever it came up it seemed to spark some kind of jealously. "Not often," Alex answered. That was true enough. He wanted to ask if this client was in fact male like he suspected, but in the year or so that he'd seen the name Ramos crop up for private sessions they'd never once actually confirmed one way or the other. Still, given the acts Alex was often asked to perform for them he felt pretty confident in his assumption that they were male, and very gay. But he also knew better then to call them out on it. Ramos kept their voice and face hidden, had A. Ramos as their full name on their profile and never gave any indication about what gender pronouns to use. If they were a gay man as Alex suspected, addressing them as such might scare them off if they were in the closet; and if they weren't Alex could offend them by simply assuming. Whatever they're reason for anonymity, it wasn't Alex's job to pry, especially since they were a good client to work with.
Do you hear it from women then?
"Heh, 'beautiful' isn't exactly the word they use, but sometimes, yeah."
Do you prefer to hear it from them?
"I prefer to hear it from people who mean it when they say it."
I meant it. I think you're really beautiful. I like looking at you.
Alex relaxed a little. "I've noticed." A moment later his ease was gone again.
Do you ever hate being attracted to men?
"No, I do not," Alex said. "I'm perfectly comfortable with my sexuality, thank you." And he meant that. Not all of his clients were comfortable with themselves, Alex understood this much at least, but he wasn't really into the whole gay shaming scene; his profile made it very clear what he would and would not do on camera and Alex himself made very few exceptions to this. Clients came and went and if Alex wouldn't perform what they wanted, well, it was better they fucked off sooner and found someone else who would so Alex could fill their slot with a client he could work with. Just business.
Do you really mean that?
"I do."
How are you so brave?
This surprised Alex, more then the weirder requests he'd seen come up. It also set of a little alarm bell in his head. Ramos was trying to get personal. Alex hated personal. It was too easy for people to find him if he got personal. It was dangerous. He felt exposed and his mind started to race with what reply to give. This was outside of Ramos' usual routine, Alex wasn't sure exactly what to say, but he had to maintain some level of control. 'Don't ever let the client see you sweat, don't let them rattle you. Don't ever panic and never ever cry for them.' The rules he lived by repeated as a mantra in his head.
"I think I'm just being me, darling," he cooed. "Nothing more or less." Ramos' liked a routine, they liked consistency, so Alex banked on them just wanting to see him as an ordinary person. Tame. Non-personal. Safe.
I wish I could be more like you.
"What? A cam boy?" Alex chuckled.
No. Just...myself. I wish I could be myself.
He softened. "You can be yourself with me, mon cher That's what I'm here for." He pointedly held himself back from adding 'within reason,' to his words, but again it was a calculated bet. Clients like Ramos appreciated the illusion of intimacy, they came to people like Alex because they weren't getting that in their real life. While a part of him hated that he was making money off of people desperate for a love and acceptance they felt they couldn't have he also wasn't so cruel as to remind them that this was a business deal and nothing more to him in a fragile moment like this. Stay positive, keep them happy, make them feel loved. That's how Alex collected his paychecks, people's personal problems were still theirs to deal with though and he couldn't get involved in that. All he could do was try to make them forget they even had problems for a bit.
Thank you for understanding, Lin. I want to see you touch yourself now.
Alex smiled a little more genuinely now that things were back on track. He ran his hands along his chest and abdomen, pointedly avoiding moving lower while still opening his legs wider then they already were. "Like this?" he purred.
Lower.
Alex ran his hands down his thighs and over his knees. "Here?"
Higher.
He brought his hands back up to his hips.
Lin...
"Tell me what you want me to do baby," Alex said, grinning mischievously. He knew he was being a tease. An hour long session could be a long time to be thrusting and they were only a few minutes in. Alex was young but he was also human. No amount of chocolate guzzling beforehand was gunna get him up again if he was too tired. Besides, letting the clients tell him exactly what they wanted was a win-win; Alex knew exactly how to please them and they got to feel like they had some control over the situation.
Stroke your penis with your hand.
"Dry?" Alex said, his right hand already ghosting over the area he was instructed to touch.
You may use lube.
"Thank you, baby," Alex said reaching for the pump bottle he kept on the table next to the camera. In truth it was an old jumbo bottle of hand sanitizer that he'd just cleaned out and re-purposed into it's current function, but clients always made snarky comments or seemed put off when they saw it so Alex just kept it out of sight. Figures that some people would love to see him shove a 15 inch dildo up his own ass but act surprised when he needed the amount of lube required to pull that off without hurting himself.
As his palm glistening with the slick lubricant, he squeezed it into all of his fingers coating them evenly and slid it over himself. He could already feel the faint beats of his own pulse beginning to pump blood into an erection, but he closed his eyes and stroked slowly, remembering that Ramos often told him they liked that. He moaned lowly, more like a sigh that was breathy and faint, then bit his own bottom lip. The ding of the chat box alerted him to another request and he slowly looked up to read it.
Please remember to stay quiet.
Alex nodded his acknowledgment of the order and leaned back to give himself the leverage to thrust a bit into his own hand. The tip of his penis popped in and out of sight between his fingers, and Alex would rub his thumb over the tip every few thrusts. He felt himself grow hard with each stroke and the desire to buck more forcefully grew stronger as he worked himself, but instead he forced himself to stay as even as possible. No one liked a porn star that came too soon.
Lay back on the bed and let me see how hard you are.
Alex obeyed and presented himself, slightly proud he was already hard enough to stay up without much help. The pulsing of his heartbeat became a little more clear as the cool air of the room enveloped him rather then his hand, but he kept one finger stroking up and down along the vain of his underside to keep himself running. "Is this good?" he murmured softly. "Should I keep going?"
No, that's fine. Do you have the toy I requested last time?
Sitting up Alex reached beside the camera and produced a long rubber dong, realistic in sculpting with a tip colored a slightly deeper pink. "This one?" he purred, bringing it close to his lips for a kiss. "You went awfully big this time, baby."
Is this one too big for you?
The brunette chuckled. "No, of course not. I've taken much bigger for you, remember?"
Yes. I still can't believe you did that for me.
"I like you, that's why."
You didn't know me then. It was our first time.
"It's not the first time someone choose a toy they weren't expecting to be as big as it was. But you were the first person who apologized for it even though I don't have anything in my collection I wouldn't feel comfortable using."
Do you remember so much for all of your clients?
"Not many come back as regularly as you."
I reckon it's because they can't afford to.
Alex furrowed his brow some at that. It likely wasn't untrue, but it bothered him to read it all the same.
I'm sorry, that was incredibly insensitive of me to say.
He decided to let it go, no sense in arguing the point. Sure, private sessions were expensive and very few of Alex's clients could afford one monthly but Ramos, whomever they were, paid to have Alex all to themselves at lease once a week and had been doing so for just about the last year. While Alex knew from his co-workers the name Ramos had popped up in a few other private sessions back in the day it wasn't a secret anymore that this particular client was now exclusively his. Alex could take a guess why; while his co-workers weren't really supposed to discuss what they did in their private sessions a guy named Lee had chewed Ramos out during one such session and made it loudly known that he'd been asked to do some anal stuff, which Lee said he wasn't comfortable with, though that statement earned him a few eye rolls. It wasn't that he wasn't comfortable doing anal scenes, it was that he wasn't comfortable being the one getting fucked in anal scenes; he had no problem working with Alex as long as Alex was the one with his ankles around his head. In any case, Alex had been the one called in to handle the client while their boss handled calming Lee down. Whoever Ramos was they were rich, just came off a little naive at the time.
"You seem a little off today baby, is everything okay?"
It's nothing, really. Just, school is starting up again soon.
"Oh yeah? Shouldn't that excite you?"
I dunno, how exciting do you think law school really is?
Alex chuckled. Ironically he would also be going back to school soon and was studying to get a law degree to boot, but that was far too personal a detail for him to admit to. "Hmm, maybe that does sound a little boring. But I'll still be around to help you blow of steam."
My hero.
"I am a man of many talents."
Haha, you say as you sit naked in your room and stroke a dildo for me.
"Just waiting for you to tell me where you'd like me to put it."
I think you can take a guess where it's supposed to go.
He leaned forward and slowly dragged his tongue up the length of the rubber shaft in his hands, flicking it across the tip at the end. "Do I?"
You tease me, Lin.
"I want to make sure you're satisfied."
Well, I don't want to see you make out with a fake cock. Maybe next time.
"You sure? I'm really good at it."
I'm sure. I want you to pleasure yourself with it, Lin. Whatever feels natural to you, do that. I love your natural work best.
Alex smiled and reached for more lube. He loved when any client gave him free reign because it usually meant he'd only have to work as hard as he wanted. Not that he found what he did for a living hard to do, necessarily. He turned around and gave the camera a nice view of his ass, wiggling it as he bent over the bed some and slid his toy through his slick hands. Reaching behind himself, he rubbed a finger against his ass, building up his own desire. Of course by this late in the night he'd already prepped and fucked a few toys of various sizes, and some nights he'd even have done one or more scenes with a co-worker or two, but then he also knew half a client's fun was from the buildup, not so much the sex itself.
He began to insert his finger slowly, working it in like he needed the time to adjust. Ramos said they liked natural, and Alex smirked internally; that was exactly how they were so naive. Nothing in porn was natural, it was all for show. But hey, if the client wanted Lin Garland to act like this was his first time then Alex would act like a goddamn nervous high school freshman on homecoming night to get paid. He remembered well enough what that was like, anyway. Sliding in a second finger with a small moan, he started spreading himself as he worked. Beneath him his own cock began to twitch, reminding him that it would need it's own tending again soon. He inserted a third finger to keep himself from seeming too eager to get his work over with, and stroked himself slowly and deliberately.
Feeling that enough time had passed for his prepping, Alex straightened some and brought the toy his client had selected for him behind him. He rubbed the slick tip against himself, feeling it press against his anal cavity and trying not to lose his grip in the slip created by the lube. The dildo itself was flexible, and bent when force was applied unlike some of the more rigid toys he hand. He began to insert it inside himself, one hand cupped underneath it to push while the other guided, slowly inching down the whole length of the shaft. He let out little involuntarily grunts as he did so, trying to stay as quiet as possible, as per his clients request. The ping of the chat box caused him to peek over his shoulder.
You look wonderful, Lin.
Alex smiled coyly and again wiggled his ass for the camera. He also eyed the time to make sure he would wasn't wasting it. Ramos seemed to be a forgiving client but, even though Alex liked being a tease, he rarely failed to make his shows worth while to watch. He turned to the side, affording his client a nice view of both the toy as he moved to slide it in and out of himself as well as his own cock as he brought his other hand around to resume stroking it. Alex closed his eyes and rocked back and forth between the toy and his hand, allowing himself to build to his climax at a pace that felt good for him. It took him a minute to climb up there; the dildo, while thick and deep, didn't give him the best stimulation but he'd never let a client know that.
He thrust back and forth, occasionally gyrating his hips to create some variation. He reached his edge, and spilled over it, biting down on his lip to suppress a moan that still tried to escape him. He milked himself carefully, feeling his cock twitch in his hand and keeping it angled away from the camera and equipment. His boss would throw a fit if he jizzed all over the expensive set up, and Alex honestly couldn't blame him. His bucking slowed, and the feeling of the toy inside him became a little more uncomfortable. Sighing once he was done with himself, he removed the toy and positioned himself to be more comfortable, running his hands down his chest and abdomen. He listened for any more messages coming through, but it stayed quiet on his clients end. "Is there...anything else you wanted, baby?" Alex asked. When no message came right away, he assumed, naturally, that his client just had their hands full, and moved into displaying himself the way he always dis at the start of his sessions with Ramos. Eventually a message pinged on the computer.
You do good work, Lin.
Alex smiled. "I'm glad you think that, baby. But we still have a few more minutes, was there anything else I could do for you?"
I'm satisfied for now. Honestly tho, I wish I could hold you for a bit.
He tried not to cringe and kept his composure. There was a reason he worked through cameras and with a close tight-nit group of actors, because he knew the streets could be dangerous for someone in his line of work. The law didn't care and, while Alex felt there should be no shame in seeking out so basic a human need as sex was, would not come to the aid of someone who had sex for money. He'd had to service his fair share of creeps to be sure, but sitting behind a screen where the only one who could touch him was himself or someone he trusted was the only way he felt he could do this kind of work. Certain words set him on edge, and Ramos was edging back into those waters.
"Oh, a cuddler are you?" Alex teased. He held of making empty promises now when it came to topics like these, because he never knew who would understand that that's exactly what they were and not invitations to come find him in real life.
Do you ever have sex with people off camera?
He considered the question for a moment, then shrugged noncommittally.
I'd like to imagine you do, and that it's more intimate then here. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're here with me now, but you're not online 24/7, so you must have a life you live off screen.
"And what do you think that is like?" Alex asked, his heart beginning to race with the inklings of anxiety.
Better then mine. You seem happy, like genuinely so. I think of you as my boyfriend sometimes. You'd take my hand, walking in the park long after dark just talking in the sights of the city, and you'd smile at me and that would be enough. But I don't pretend to know you, Lin. You could be married to a beautiful woman, who's smart and strong, with two little boys and a dog or something. You could be writing some hip-hop musical for Broadway about love and a revolution, and spend your free time tweeting uplifting things to strangers on the internet because you just want to put a little bit more positivity in the world then there was yesterday.
Alex relaxed a bit. While it didn't sound like Ramos actually knew a damn thing about him, a part of him would always wonder if it wasn't an act to get Alex to confess his own soul. It certainly felt like that's what Ramos wanted.
All I'm saying is, there's someone in my life I wish I could hold, but I'm not allowed to. You make me feel held, that's important to me. But sometimes just feeling like you would hold me isn't enough. I really want to be held and that...probably will never happen between us.
He sat back, taking all this in. It wasn't the first time someone had bared their soul to him. Surprisingly, Alex had come to find that this job wasn't always just about the sex, sometimes he had to play low-key therapist to his clients as well. "I'm sure you'll find someone who will love you for who you are, baby. You're polite and kind to me, it says a lot about who you actually are as a person and I can't imagine there isn't already someone asking themselves what the heck they gotta do to be with you."
Not someone I could reciprocate loving. Not right now, anyway.
"One day, then."
A blinking yellow light in the top right corner of his screen reminded Alex that they were down to their last five minutes.
Looks like we're almost out of time.
"It would seem so." He hesitated for a moment before finally asking, "will you be okay if I let you go now?"
Yes. I know I must sound like some pathetic sad sap with no life, crying to to a sex god about how I'm single and feel like I'm gunna die alone, but you really have helped keep me off an edge since we've started doing this.
Alex chuckled. "A god, huh? That's an interesting way of looking at me." The yellow light turned orange. Three minutes left. "But if I help, then I'm glad. You deserve happiness, you know."
Thank you, Lin. I needed to hear that.
"Of course, baby."
But you know, once I have someone else in my life, we'll stop seeing each other like this.
He leaned in close to the camera, a look of sincerity on his face. "If you find someone tomorrow who will hold you every night for the rest of your life, then I want you to promise me you'll run off with them and never look back. Life is too short to throw away your shot at being happy." The light began to blink red; one minute left. Alex kissed his fingers and waved them at the camera, his usual closing salutation. "I must bid you goodnight for now, my love. Till we meet again."
Goodnight, Lin.
John sat naked on his bed, his hands buried deep in his dark curly hair as he gripped at the back of his head and tried to get a grip on his feelings. Tears tried to fight their way to the surface, but he stubbornly blinked them back and took slow deep breaths to keep himself steady. His laptop sat in front of him, the recent transmission ended.
Do you ever hate being attracted to men?
"No, I do not."
Do you really mean that?
"I do."
How are you so brave?
"I'm just being my self."
I wish I could be more like you.
No.
Just...myself.
I wish I could be myself.
He shook remembering his words, terrified at what he knew they meant. He knew what he was and everyday it hurt him to wake up and have to face that simple reality.
Gay.
Queer.
"A goddamn faggot going straight to hell if you don't-"
John gritted his teeth and forced a deep breath through him, willing the memory away. He squeezed his eyes shut and felt the tears roll down his cheeks, but he would not succumb to this weakness. He wiped at his face and hugged himself, shaking as he sat exposed on his bed. He had to tell himself over and over that there was nothing wrong with him, a mantra that could be hard to believe in when you were raised in the south, with a religious, well respected and well known family for whom appearances mean everything. Compounded by the simple fact that the only way he could safely find any kind of sexual release was with a stranger on the internet in the dead of night, sometimes it just felt like maybe his parents were right about him, maybe he was a sinner damned for the fires of hell.
All I'm saying is, there's someone in my life I wish I could hold, but I'm not allowed to.
As if sensing his turmoil, a message pinged up on a different tab. John wiped at his face again, swallowed the sobs he couldn't let out, and switched to his Facebook messenger tab.
What are you doing awake still, mon amie?
John sighed and leaned forward to type on his computer, grateful for the distraction.
'I couldn't sleep. What are you doing up?'
Thomas has a squish on a guy and I was doing some fishing for him. :)
John smiled a bit and rolled his eyes. 'Facebook stalking, really Laf?'
Oui. I found out that he works at a Starbucks close by and I went in to scope him out my self. He's cute. His name is James Madison, he was born on March 16, so he is a Pisces, and he is studying debate and speech so he is well spoken even though he speaks very softly sometimes. He likes ice cream, writing is secret codes, has a dirty sense of humor, plays chess, reads works of literature in Greek and Latin and three years ago some hooligans broke into his family house and stole their supper. I like him.
'Jesus Lafayette.'
Thomas is an Aries, I am reading up on how to make them fall in love. He will need to be very patient with this boy. Have you found a boy I can stalk for you yet? Now is a good time to tell me, I will find out many things for you, I will find all their secrets. :)
John sighed and rubbed at the back of his neck. Sometimes it felt like his friend was clairvoyant; he couldn't otherwise explain how Lafayette knew when to message him or cut straight to particular points. 'No, I haven't.'
Have you even seen anyone that you'd like to...how you say, suck face? Suck other parts? Several eggplants emojis and a smiley face followed that statement.
He began to type out a response, then deleted it before he sent it. They'd been down that path before already, and it didn't work out. Lafayette had made it very clear to him that it would not work out. At a loss for words, John just stayed quiet.
I will take that as a no. I wish you would look around, John. You deserve to be loved.
'You love me, don't you, Laf?'
I know you need more then anything I could give you. He had made it very clear. You will find someone, one day. But you cannot hide away from the world forever, mon ami. I worry that you have found no one else to love since we broke up. You deserve happiness.
'It's just not the right time for me right now, Laf.'
Oh, is that what you are telling yourself now?
'It's true. I've got three years of school left. I promise I'll start looking after that, but right now I just need to focus on my studies.'
The animated ellipse notified him that his friend was typing but it seemed it was now his turn to delete a reply that would be better left unsaid. But as John was contemplating what more to add, a response came through. When will you be back in town? I miss speaking with you in person.
'My parents are driving the family up after church tomorrow, we'll be stopping around Baltimore for the night, then it's just a 6 hour shot the next day. '
We can get coffee when you get here. I will show you James. We can plot together how to make him and Thomas lovers. :) Doesn't your family do the early church?
'Yep.' John sighed. 'I really should be getting to sleep, at least get a few hours in so I won't fall asleep during the services. I don't want to miss out on all that wonderful talk about hellfire and damnation I'll get to experience when I'm dead.'
You are 22 years old John, if you do not want to go to church you should be able to say that.
'I'm 21 and it doesn't matter what I want, Laf. As long as I'm living under my father's roof I'll do as he says if I know what's good for me. You know this.'
So move out. Move in with me. If you need a father to take care of you, I can do that.
John rolled his head back and blew a few strands of hair from his face. There was so much he wanted to say to his friend about that plan, how wonderful it sounded, what a nightmare it would be. They had lived together before, but things were different between them then. John had thought he could change Lafayette, make him settle down, maybe marry him one day. Lafayette would not settle for John and Lafayette did not believe in marriage. And that wasn't even touching on the fact that John wasn't ready to come out of the closet. Being with Lafayette had been heaven for him, and hell, for both of them.
'I need to go to sleep now. I'll see you Monday, Laf.'
Very well, mon cher. Text me tomorrow if you are not asleep in the car. I love you.
'I love you too. Goodnight.'
Goodnight John.
He closed out of the Facebook tab and pulled open his e-mail. That night's recording of his session with Lin had been sent to him and he clicked the link to start the download of it to his personal computer. As his computer worked he got up to fetched a pair of sweat pants from a dresser drawer and pulled them on. He set an alarm on his phone, not that his family would let him skip out on church even if they found him dead that morning in his own bed. Once the download was complete he closed down his laptop for the night and finally crawled under his blankets.
"If you find someone tomorrow who will hold you every night for the rest of your life, then I want you to promise me you'll run off with them and never look back. Life is too short to throw away your shot at being happy."
Lin's words were a comfort to him, more then he thought the man would ever know, but they still couldn't stop the few tears that always came just before he fell asleep each night.
END CHAPTER
