We met again at the hotel, my parents going over the cracked safe, looking for clues. No safe was safe from enough violence, as the rent steel could attest. The bell ringed and one of the Tohsaka family employees, who was sporting an arm on a sling, returned pushing a wheelchair.
One would have trouble identifying the heretofore ecclesiarch, now mummified with bandages and casts on a leg. He was jovial tough, exceptionally so.
-"Well well well, this year when we convene with my peers, I can top the Speak now or forever hold rankings. Hey, you both, c'mere..."
Rin and I approached him and he took out our hands. I could feel the ring sliding over my finger and Rin also was shocked.
-"In name of Eternal Truth, Love and Magic, I do declare ye bound to each other."
He clapped his hands thrice and beamed a beatific smile.
"Now, go and speak. Hold on your horses for the bedroom stuff. Speak, sit down and speak. I have seen far too many magi couples kill each other and it saddens me."
He patted the maid to wheel him off, he had a call to do and gloating to perform.
I stood there, poking at the metal band on my finger.
Married.
Just to be sure, I run some structural analysis. Gold, no fancy business.
Yep, I got marriaged before I got a girlfriend. You can't make this up.
Rin's voice was unsure, and that was spooky. She was firm in her convictions and she didn't do unsure.
-"Are we going to retire to ...our bedroom?"
Oh.
My dad, who was teaching Tokiomi about how to take handprints, threw something at me.
-"Your gramps's wedding gift. It's in the next building. He reasoned you wouldn't want to be within hearing range of these old people for your wedding night."
With robotic movements, I bid my betrothed to accompany me.
Wife...my wife.
I whispered low, cuz I was scared outta my mind.
-"Don't know about ya, but here I'm panicking."
-"We will carry our duty as it is expected of Magi befitting our station."
-"What?"
Her hand clamped on mine and she squeezed until I had to reinforce my bones or be unable to use a toothbrush. But I got the hint and kept my trap shut. We arrived at the Optima Luxuria after dodging the police, firefighters, some units of the Legion, those gave us a wide berth. On the lift to our room, I started to hear weird noises. I placed a finger over my lips and took out a knife from my tux. Lifting the roof panel, we saw Shinji curled up in fetal form.
-"SHINJI?! What are you doing there?"
-"SHHHSHHSHSHHSshhhhhh..."
His eyes were wild and his clothes were torn, looking the part of having gone twelve rounds against a tiger.
"...she may hear you...leave me..."
I body hauled the sorry excuse of a magus and placed the cold metal blade against his chest. I was running dangerously low on fucks to give and I was due to my first argument with my now wife.
-"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't swish kebab you? You sore loser, you tried to get Rin to throw herself at your feet with that love potion."
Rin was horrified.
-"What love potion?"
-"This sick bastard gave me a pot of sunscreen for you. To bury the hatchet. When Leysritt used it, she ..."
I checked again my captive and those weren't tiger claw marks but nails, there here hickeys all over his frame and the scent of perfume was all over his hair.
"...you took advantage of her, didn't you?"
Shinji sobbed.
-"I swear, I wanted to start a new leaf, I wanted to to ...to ..make something good for you man!...I knew that this woman that I coveted for so long...was violent and that cream would have...would have..."
Rin got a hold of his torn clothes and shook him, his head lolling like a muppet. Having done that, she backhanded his stupid out of him.
-"Would have what?"
-"Would have stabilized your emotions, so you both could talk and not kill each other on your wedding night."
We let him drop and looked at each other. Our faces were strained and that...that could have happened.
Bad Shiriou scratched his chin and assented.
-"That woman is a Humunculus...what was the exact effect of that drug?"
He took some crumpled up note from the poor remains of his pants.
-"It sets the Ego to human average...just my luck...now that Humunculus woman has far more Ego than she ever had."
Rin took out the note and started reading.
-"This...would have lasted a few hours at best. The natural flow among the chackras cleanses it. But the Humunculi have no chackras because they are artificial humans."
I tucked the knife into my clothes and then manhandled Shinji over the lift again.
-"I will bring you some food later."
The last glimpse of his face was so grateful that it hurt to see. We got out of the lift and looked at each other.
-"Well, that happened."
-"Indeed, husband, indeed."
