Chapter Seven: What Happens in the Shack Stays There
Twilight Town: The Old Mansion
Kairi
I stared at the message lighting up the screen of my phone, blinking over and over. Was I back inside one of my dreams again? It couldn't be; Sora wasn't even here. I was slumped in my sloppy bed that I never bothered to make anymore. Depression really had a way of bringing out every lazy bone in my body. Before, I had a tendency to keep all things around me put together, presentable, and neat. I had an affinity for aesthetics and all things around me looking pleasant—at least I used to. These recurring dreams of mine did nothing to help, but, in fact, made the issue much worse. After all, why bother making up my bed when I couldn't wait to bury myself back in its sheets and dive right back into the dream world? That surely sounded like a simple waste of effort to me. Then again, my life had become the epitome of no effort. All of it because of a boy..how much more pathetic could I be?
Meet Riku and Roxas in Twilight Town? Lea can help you get there. We think we're onto something! -Namine
So many things about such a brief message had my head spinning, bombarded by a flurry of questions and emotions. First of all, Riku and Roxas were an unlikely duo given their history, so it had to mean something for them to be so closely partnering up with each other. Next, why Twilight Town? Was there a chance that Sora was there? Or were they simply using it as a common ground for meetings? I assumed it was most likely the latter. I'd imagine that if they had actually, truly found Sora in the flesh they would have immediately called me—at least I hoped, but I couldn't be so sure anymore. The last sentence, however, was my ultimate priority. They have a lead. A real actual lead it sounds like, I thought. What if it ties to my dreams? I guess that before anything else, I needed to speak with them to obtain more information before I could jump to any conclusions. Either way, knowing that there was some sort of new hope, one that caused them to reach out to me, was what truly had my heart fluttering and created an entire family of butterflies dancing about in my stomach.
"Ready to go?" A familiar voice came from behind me. I gasped, clinging onto my chest and shaking my head in shock. I'd thought I was alone; I was in the privacy of my bedroom after all. "Sorry, did I scare you?" Lea asked, but looked more amused than concerned.
"What are you doing in my bedroom? You couldn't go to the front door?" I questioned, indignant in my tone, but excited all at the same time.
He clicked his tongue, shaking his head back and forth. "No time to waste! Besides, I wouldn't just break into your room for nothing. I'm not a creep! Something just told me that you'd already be set to leave after seeing Namine's message, so I wasn't worried about interrupting anything."
I put my hands on my hips, defensive. "And how would you know I already saw her message?"
He looked around my room, scratching the back of his head. "Well…it doesn't seem as if you have much else going on these days…"
"Ouch."
"Sorry," he chuckled. "Anyways…you ready?"
I laughed, giving in to the fact that he was absolutely right about me. "You know it," I responded. "Hey, anyways, why do they want me to meet them? What did they find out?"
"Beats me," he shrugged. "It's already weird to me that my best friend is working with Riku…not sure how to feel about that one. Just know that if your friend tries to make any funny moves toward my best friend, he's gonna catch some serious flames." I giggled, but could also admit that he seemed halfway serious. It didn't matter his weapon—keyblade or not, the common theme was always his affinity for fire. "Anyways…Namine didn't tell me anything. She just asked me to bring you to Twilight Town. Between you and me…I think Riku was harsh with you and you deserve to be in the know as much as the rest of us, so I jumped at the chance to help you out."
It was odd, really, to look back to the past between everyone; the current circumstances and reality would have seemed quite literally impossible only a few years ago. Riku and Roxas working as a compatible team would have been unimaginable—and me, travelling willingly with Lea, or rather, Axel at the time…well, I never would have agreed to such a thing. Having been kidnapped by him, I'd have been hard pressed to ever willingly keep him company, but now, I enjoyed having him around. His kindness toward me couldn't be matched, at least not at the moment. I smiled at him gratefully. "Thank you, Lea."
He seemed to flinch a bit at the name I had called him, but, for once, he didn't mention it or attempt to correct me. I would have liked to believe that it was simply because he was finally outgrowing all the negative pieces of his past. He had spent more than enough time punishing himself; he was truly the only one that hadn't forgiven his actions. No one was angry with Axel—except for Lea. "Uh-huh," he nodded. "Let's hit the road."
"Right."
Lea got me to Twilight Town quickly and safely, which was no surprise. He was both careful and efficient in his efforts, which had become something I genuinely appreciated about him. When we arrived at the old mansion, he abandoned me to immediately greet Roxas, who looked equally as thrilled to see Lea as I had. They were the perfect duo that had a bond that couldn't be broken. I envied it. Once upon a time, I had the same type of relationship with someone—the boy that I had lost. Of course, I had wanted it to be something even more than Roxas and Lea had, but Sora was gone before it could ever go that far. I liked to tell myself that he'd reciprocated my feelings—and most everyone validated those feelings. Our chemistry was abundantly clear when we were together, but neither of us acted on it in the ways that I desperately wished we had. Some might say that sharing a paopu fruit was enough, but not to me. Clearly if that meant anything, he would be here with me. There was so much that I had never been able to experience with him that I had always ignorantly expected would eventually come naturally, but little did I know that those desires would never be fulfilled—at least for now, I prayed. I'd barely got to do so much as hold his hand before he disappeared. I didn't get to hold him, to hug him, to kiss him—at least not for real. I could recall a moment from when we were about twelve years old, but I would hardly say it counted…
As night approached and the natural light was making its way off the islands, we had all decided to spend what light we had left hidden in the seaside shack clinging onto the hope that our parents wouldn't call us home if they couldn't see us…but we all knew that we couldn't defy our parents and would willingly find our way home before night had completely fallen. We were all equally afraid to stay out too late anyways, even if no one would admit it. It was mutually understood without being spoken that the majority of us were rather cowardly, whether that was good or bad. But, not all of us…Sora and Riku were their own breed; they had no apprehension when it came to staying out past dark and exploring the islands, racing each other, or duelling with their measly wooden swords. Nothing was off limits for them no matter the time of day. Such was not the case for Tidus, Wakka, Selphie, and me. Tidus and Wakka were a bit playful themselves, but not enough to match Sora and Riku's energy. Selphie, on the other hand, was probably a bigger baby than even me.
The seaside shack definitely had us cooped up in close quarters, but it didn't seem to particularly bother anyone. We all enjoyed each other's company and were more than comfortable together. Unsure of the best way to occupy the rest of our time, Selphie eventually suggested we play truth or dare, a game that I had only heard of, but never practised. As it turned out, none of us had, which was why Selphie was so persistent to give it a go. Tidus eagerly agreed to partake, so the rest of us did, too. We sat in a circle, all preparing to go around and take turns.
"Well, hang on," Riku interrupted. "Even if we go in a circle, how do we know who gets to pick the truth or the dare for that person?"
"I guess I didn't think of that…" Selphie muttered. "I'm new to this game, too, okay? But all the girls at school were playing it, so I gotta do it, too!"
I chuckled. She definitely made it a point to be included in the activities of all the other girls at school. Being popular was surely at the top of her priority list. "That's okay, Selphie," I stated. "We can still play. We just have to think of a system. Any ideas, anyone?"
"Beats me," Sora spoke, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm just here for the ride." Typical Sora.
"I've got it!" Tidus exclaimed. "We go in a circle and the person whose turn it is gets to pick someone and ask them if they want a truth or a dare. So, like, when it's my turn, I can pick who I want to give a truth or a dare to."
Selphie clapped with excitement. "Perfect! That makes everything easier!"
"So, who do we start with?" I questioned.
"I call first!" Selphie interjected, which was no surprise.
"Okay," I responded. "Who's your pick then?"
"Sora," she said without any hesitation.
"What? Me?" Sora asked. He had more than likely been off in some other world, daydreaming as he often did. On the other hand, he was probably surprised that Selphie had chosen him; they spoke to each other the least of the whole group. They were friends, sure, but not so much so that he'd expect her to be so quick to call on him in a game. Truthfully, neither did I—if anything, I'd have assumed she would've picked me, but I supposed not. "O-okay?" He stuttered, sounding noticeably confused.
Everyone else seemed to quiet down as well, curious as to what Selphie could possibly ask Sora—or give him a dare. There was a tinge of anxiety—jealousy maybe—that made my stomach sink just a bit. "Well?" Selphie put her hands on her hips. "Truth or dare?"
"Um…" He paused. "Well, I don't know. I guess I'll pick—"
"He picks dare!" Tidus asserted. He turned to face Sora. "Come on. We all know Sora's an open book. He doesn't have any secrets, so that's no fun. He picks dare. Make it interesting!"
He peered back at Tidus, raising an eyebrow of both annoyance and frustration. "That's not how it works!"
I wasn't even sure what I wanted him to pick myself. Sure, he was an open book, but there were still questions I had been too scared to ask him…like how he felt about me. I wouldn't dare to do so in this environment, though—it would be too embarrassing. I wasn't sure if people suspected anything, but what I did know was that Selphie was the only one who knew for certain how I felt about Sora. Girls talk…and she asked, so I was honest. That's when I realised…did she pick Sora because she knew about my feelings toward him? Was she about to do something to completely and utterly humiliate me? It was then that I saw her wink at me and my stomach dropped to the floor. I attempted to discreetly give her desperate eyes and shake my head no, but she didn't notice or at least pretended not to—likely the latter, knowing her.
"I agree," she giggled. "He picks dare."
Sora sighed, looking down at the ground, defeated. "Whatever."
"What's the dare?" Riku questioned, eagerly. Apparently he wanted to know just as much as me, but probably for different reasons.
"Hmm…" Selphie rubbed her hands together mischievously. Although she tried to look like she was thinking, I knew her well enough to know that she had already been plotting…but what, I did not know. Of course, she had to take a brief moment to build up the anticipation. She was notoriously one for theatrics. "I dare you to kiss Kairi!"
My stomach dropped as I stared at her with eyes of both resentment and embarrassment. I had confided in her about my feelings. Then again, it wasn't like she was telling my secret. Maybe she thought she was doing me a favour. Either way, I was mortified.
Everyone, especially Sora, looked equally as stunned. I was desperately trying to gauge his reaction, mostly because I wanted to see if he gave off any signs of excitement, but as far as I could tell, he was riddled purely with shock. "Wait, what?" he responded.
"Uh…" I stammered, trying to stall. "I-isn't it time to go home? It's getting really dark outside. We better get going before we get in trouble."
"Nuh-uh." Selphie shook her finger back and forth. "The game barely got started. We still have to let everyone get at least one turn! Now, the faster Sora completes his dare, the faster we can move on to the next person."
I turned to Sora, my cheeks so hot that if my eyes were closed, I'd have thought I was standing right under the afternoon sun. He looked back at me, laughing awkwardly and scratching the back of his head. I was embarrassed, mostly out of terror that the thought of kissing me repulsed him—or maybe that Selphie's dare gave away my unspoken feelings…unspoken to anyone besides her, at least. The other part of me, the part of me that seemed to be the loudest in my head, wanted him to do it. My heart was close to pounding out of my chest. I'd never even kissed anyone. What if he had? It wasn't something I'd ever asked him.
Sora, who was sitting directly next to me in the circle, took a deep breath. We were already sitting so close together as it was—now, the tension in the air was undeniably thick. I hesitated to turn to be face to face with him, but, I finally brought myself to do so. Whether or not he was going to follow through with the dare, avoiding looking at him was starting to make things even more awkward. I shyly smiled when our eyes met; I simply couldn't help myself. That seemed to be the reaction he needed from me—he wasn't going to do it if he thought it might make me uncomfortable. So, when I smiled, he timidly smiled back and began to inch closer and closer to my face…
I had no idea how my heart was remaining inside of my chest. I was convinced everyone else could hear it pounding; the room was almost entirely silent. The only sound was the faint crashing of the waves outside of the shack. Inhaling, I closed my eyes. Barely a moment later, I felt soft pressure against my lips that lit a fire inside of me as he lingered with his lips against mine. It felt as though he pulled away nearly as fast as he'd met my lips with his, but even for that very quick moment, time seemed to stop—it was only us.
Suddenly, I was jolted by the overwhelming noise of laughter and clapping. Everyone in the shack, save Sora and Riku, was celebrating up a storm acting as if they had been the witness of something groundbreaking and life changing. It was an overreaction on their part, for sure, but internally, the butterflies in my stomach were having their very own party that matched the energy of the company around me.
"Well, it's really late, so time to hit the hay," Riku insisted.
"No way! We just got started!" Selphie groaned. She was right; only one person had taken their turn, but that one turn was the perfect and magical way to end my night, so if it all ended here, I couldn't complain. Still, I avoided looking at Sora because I was too nervous to try to read his reaction. Despite being as open as people claimed him to be, he could simultaneously be impossible to read if you didn't directly ask him what he was feeling—at least for me. He was overall such an outgoing and daring personality that it was always such a challenge to understand where he was coming from. For example, had he been as entranced as I was by the simple peck of a kiss that we had just shared? Or was it just a meaningless dare that he fulfilled purely to maintain the daring and fearless persona he was so well known for? That wasn't something that I could casually ask him, nor did I have the courage to.
"Yeah," Tidus quickly agreed. "Sora's the only one who's done anything. The game can't end after one turn!"
"Whatever," Riku grunted. "I'm going home. It's late and I'm tired." He looked irritated and without patience. His entire demeanour had changed since the game had begun. Maybe exhaustion really was overtaking him and he'd unexpectedly hit a wall. He stood up and practically stomped out of the shack and disappeared off into the night.
"Whaaat a buzzkill," Tidus complained. "Totally killed the vibe. I'm gonna head out, too."
Selphie stamped her foot. "Are you serious?" She turned to Wakka desperately. "Are you leaving then, too?"
In response, he shrugged his shoulders and followed suit behind Tidus. Wherever one went, so did the other. They were best friends in almost the same way Sora and Riku were, but their bond couldn't quite match. Sora and Riku were almost entirely inseparable—no matter how much they got on each other's nerves.
"Seriously? You guys are so lame," Selphie whined. Without so much as a good night, she just about stormed out of the shack following behind Wakka and Tidus. Before I could even react, it was suddenly just me and Sora, all alone in this tight space.
Just as my heartrate had recovered, the fact that we were alone again sent it right back into rapidfire and I had not a clue what I could possibly say. Luckily, he went first. "You gonna head out, too?"
His words…they were so casual as if nothing worth mentioning had just happened. I didn't have any idea what that could mean. "Yeah, I guess I should," I mumbled.
"Hey, you okay?"
"Yup," I answered halfheartedly.
"Can I walk you home?" My heart skipped a beat. More alone time? I didn't know if I could handle any more nerves, but I couldn't say no. It wasn't anything strange for us to walk home together. We often rowed our boats back home and walked the remaining distance to our houses together. It had become a routine that we would stop at my place first and once I went inside, he would make the trek to his home. It was odd to me that he asked if he could do such a normal thing for us—as if it would be any question. It seemed that he could see the confusion on my face because he spoke once more. "S-sorry," he stuttered. "Don't know why I asked like that."
I shook my head, awkwardly giggling. "No worries." He nodded. "Sora…" There was a question I so badly wanted to ask, but was just as terrified to do so. His name practically fell out of my mouth as I began to speak, but I couldn't set the rest of the sentence free and ask.
"Mmm? What is it?"
I inhaled, begging every brave bone in my body to give me courage. I exhaled and blurted it out before I could even think to stop. "Was that your first kiss?" I finally turned to face him and he quickly looked away, his cheeks visibly flushed.
He chuckled, scratching the back of his head. "Well, yeah…" My posture involuntarily relaxed with pure relief at the response, a smile spreading wide across my face. "Sheesh…you don't have to laugh at me."
"I'm not laughing at you," I assured him. "It was mine, too."
"Wha…really? I'm sorry…"
"Sorry why?"
"I must've ruined a special experience for you…"
"What do you mean by that?" I asked, wondering if he was implying that his first kiss was ruined just the same as he believed mine was.
"Well, you're a pretty girl. And I'm…I'm just me," he sighed.
He thought of me as pretty? My heart fluttered mercilessly. "And you are a handsome boy."
He looked down at the ground, quietly laughing under his breath. "Thanks for the pity." He paused for a moment, almost as if expecting a response from me, but he went on before I could formulate one. "Well, it was just a dare. Doesn't have to count!"
My heart sank. Did he say that for my benefit or his?
Thinking back on that night, I could almost completely recall every feeling and sensation I had experienced, but, more than anything, his words echoed in my mind. Doesn't have to count. And that's exactly how all of this felt. Given what had become of him, of us, nothing we'd done together could ever feel like enough, like it counted. I had no true intimate moments with him that we had shared only between us. As things were looking, I would never have that. Regardless, I knew I had to shove that pessimism out of my mind. I was here for a newfound hope of finding him.
Approaching the old mansion behind Lea, who had abandoned me without hesitation to greet Roxas, my heart was filled with the same level of anxiety and nerves as that night with Sora so many years ago. There was one notable difference, however, which was that it wasn't derived from something positive and exciting—quite the opposite, truthfully. I was mortified to have to face Riku. I wished that Lea had stayed by my side as we reached the mansion completely; his personality and humour was always entirely effective at eliminating tension. I was certain that his abandonment wasn't malicious or intentional. He was simply ecstatic to see Roxas and I couldn't blame him. After everything they went through to be together again, each time they saw each other again seemed to be a relief that the other was still around. Alone, I slowly cleared the distance between me and the silver-haired boy before me. He seemed to be looking down to the ground and avoiding eye contact with me. That could only mean one thing; he was less than thrilled to have me here. When there was barely a few feet between us, I stopped, and looked up at him. He was significantly taller than me, but he'd grown much taller than most, so I was used to it—also because I was unbearably short, or at least it felt that way. Alongside my measly height, the circumstances in my life made me feel small on the inside, too. I was afraid to speak. A part of me felt resentful toward Riku, that he'd treated me in such a way. After all, I hadn't chosen for Sora to save me—it was his own free will. But, yet again I was the damsel in distress who needed saving and he'd never failed me. This time he paid the price, though. I was angry with myself, too. After all of my training, why hadn't I been able to fight harder to avoid being in that position? So, although I occasionally felt anger toward Riku, I more often agreed with his feelings about me.
"Kairi…" Riku's voice was faint, but audible. His tone was unclear, so I couldn't be sure how he was feeling about my presence. "Kairi," he continued, "I am so sorry. I am so endlessly sorry for what I said to you. It's been eating away at me since it happened and I've been wanting to tell you this every day, but I was so ashamed…I'm still ashamed. I am so genuinely sorry and I understand if you never forgive me." Words kept spilling out of him from what seemed to be out of nowhere. I was absolutely stunned that my first interaction with him again was playing out in such a way. "You did not deserve that at all and everything I said was inexcusable. If Sora heard me, he'd hate me and I wouldn't even blame him. I should have let you come with me that night. I wasn't thinking. I was blinded by my desperation and frustration at my failure but that doesn't excuse it. I'm so—"
I lunged toward him, wrapping my arms around him. I embraced him ever so tightly, never wanting to let go. I wanted my friend back. Maybe I shouldn't have been so quick to let it go, but I couldn't help myself. I'd felt so alone and excluded from everyone. Riku was always the one who helped me keep it together prior to that horrible night we'd had. I hugged him with all of my might. After what felt like forever, I felt his arms slowly wrap around me, too. I sighed with relief. "Riku, I've been so alone and so lost. I missed you so much…"
He gasped. "You…missed me? After how I acted? How can you forgive me so easily?"
I finally pulled away from him, looking up into his eyes. They gave off a distinct seriousness, as usual, but there was an underlying softness within them that I had never seen before. It was comforting. "Maybe I shouldn't. I don't know. It doesn't matter. What I know is that we have to stick together. Sora would be so disappointed in us. It would be betraying his sacrifice. I miss him more and more every day and having to miss you too has been miserable."
"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I've missed you, too. We both miss him and want him here with us more than anything. You're right. We have to stick together no matter if he's here or not."
I took a deep breath. "I love him so much, Riku. My heart hurts and it's exhausting." I love him. I had never spoken the words aloud. What killed me the most…I had never said them when I had the chance, when the boy I loved so dearly was by my side.
He nodded. "I know."
"Ahem…" Lea cleared his throat, announcing his entrance into the conversation. "I'm glad to hear all the touching words, but we do have some business to take care of…" He was absolutely right, but, at the same time, I think mine and Riku's sentiment made him feel a bit awkward and left out of the narrative. Roxas, on the other hand, probably couldn't care less and was typically nonchalant.
"Right," Riku chuckled. "Let's get to it." He turned to face me. "We think you might be the missing link."
I gasped. "Me? How?" Had he somehow found out about my dreams?
"Something's happening to me," Roxas interjected. "Sora's been making some appearances in my life."
"W-what?" I struggled to find my words. "Sora…in the flesh? You saw him?"
Roxas shook his head. "Uh-uh…not quite. It's his keyblade. It's been coming to me at random and I can't control it. Thing is, I can still summon my usual weapons like normal, but from time to time, his keyblade comes instead…sometimes even when I'm not trying to summon a weapon at all. And now, I've been seeing him in my reflection, if only for a split second, I could swear that I'm seeing him."
I was entirely shocked and unsure of how to respond, so I didn't. Riku spoke instead. "Yup. We're not sure exactly what it means."
"O-okay…" I stuttered. This was an incredible lead, more than even my dreams, I'd say. This was happening in real life, not just in my sleep. "So…how does it come back to me?"
"Roxas couldn't hold Sora back before. When Sora was still asleep and recovering his memories, Roxas responded to certain cues just as Sora would. He couldn't help it. Now, of course, Roxas is his own person and has his own free will in every way, so now past circumstances wouldn't be the case. But…"
"But," Lea interrupted. "Roxas can opt in or out whenever he wants." I knew that Lea's intention was to protect Roxas and I respected that. Given Riku and Roxas' rocky history, I couldn't blame him, but I was confident Riku would never repeat his past actions. "Anyways…we're hoping to somehow trigger something from Sora. Like, if something…or someone…could cause his keyblade to spawn, so we can maybe confirm that it's a reaction from Sora himself. 'Cause we've been worried about other possibilities."
"Possibilities like what…?" I questioned hesitantly, nervous of the answer.
Riku addressed my question. "Well, Namine was thinking that if Sora's gone…like really, truly gone…then his keyblade is trying to find its way back to Roxas, the next closest connection to Sora. We're still trying to figure out why Roxas is seeing him, though. Namine was also thinking that it could simply be a part of the process of Sora letting go via becoming one with Roxas."
"But I had another theory that I think is plausible," Roxas retorted. "Since it's happening at random, his keyblade showing up I mean, then maybe he's trying to somehow communicate or talk to us. Kind of like signalling he's still out there somewhere."
I nodded eagerly. That was a theory I liked, so I clung onto it and ignored the rest. "That makes perfect sense. How can I help, though?"
"Well, if Sora would react to anything, we think it would definitely be you. After everything, I think it's clear you're the most important thing to him," Riku asserted.
That statement forced an involuntary smile out of me. I couldn't know if it was true, but the fact that anyone thought I was as important to Sora as he was to me made me feel so hopelessly joyful. "What should I do?"
"Whatever you think you should, honestly. You know him better than anyone. What do you think you could do or say to get his attention?" Roxas asked.
I took a moment to consider all the options, but one specifically stuck out to me as it had just moments ago been on my mind. I'd never told him how I felt about him deeply in my heart. They were words I constantly wished I'd told him at least once. This moment could be the chance to do so, but a lack of a response might be a little too disheartening for me. On the other hand, if it did garner some sort of response, I'd feel the most optimistic that I had in what felt like ages. I took a huge deep breath, looking straight at Roxas—directly into his eyes, most particularly. Those eyes that left me in awe. The shock never went away when I saw his eyes and just how much they resembled Sora's. Even looking at Ven's eyes, it wasn't the same. Perhaps it was because Roxas came from Sora directly, but if I ignored all his other features, his eyes were just the same as looking into Sora's. That's what always made it easy for me to distinguish between Roxas and Ventus. I didn't break eye contact with Roxas and he returned the same to me. Everyone constantly reminded him that his eyes were an uncanny resemblance to his counterpart, so I imagined that he held my gaze knowing it would aid me in connecting to Sora. After a short while, I channelled this and was in another world, one where it was Sora's eyes peering back at me. Then, I finally released my unspoken truth. "I love you."
Suddenly, Roxas separated his eyes from mine, gasping as he was jolted forward. His arm was reached out before him, clutching onto a keyblade—one that was undoubtedly identical to Sora's. "W-woah," he stuttered. "It hasn't come at me with so much force…just about knocked me over…"
I gasped in disbelief, holding onto my chest and looking back and forth between everyone rapidly, trying to see everyone's reactions and read their interpretations of what just transpired.
Riku smiled ear to ear. "He's here."
