Naruto could hardly believe the words leaving Sasuke's lips. Now, Naruto so acutely heard Sasuke's air filter, the pattering of rain as a light shower began outside, and even the thudding of his own heart. They sat next to each other on the couch with Sasuke to his right, their bare upper arms touching ever so slightly.
He always feared that there was an exceptionally painful story behind the loss of Sasuke's mother, especially given that Sasuke never told Naruto the cause over the past two years. But murder? With Sasuke witnessing it, no less? It was even more horrifying than his worst fears.
"Oh god, Sasuke…" Naruto murmured, leaning away from Sasuke so that he could pivot on the couch and look into Sasuke's eyes.
His jaw hung, eyes wide with his brows knit together. He felt cold and hollow inside, so immensely sad that this happened to Sasuke. Sasuke's mother was murdered in front of him when he was only twelve, which was precisely how old Konohamaru was when he was tortured and killed for sharing intel with Naruto that saved dozens of lives. Why did children always get caught up in the evils of adults?
"I picked my mom up after her shift at the diner and started walking her home. We ran into this guy on an absurd amount of meth."
That could never end well. At such a young age, did Sasuke even comprehend what was wrong with that man? Then again, from what Naruto had heard of Sasuke's childhood, he was anything but sheltered.
"He held us up at gunpoint and robbed us. We cooperated."
Sasuke had mentioned being mugged before. Was this what he'd been referring to? Sasuke spoke mechanically, as if he were paraphrasing a novel.
"It looked like things might be fine, but then…"
Now Sasuke halted with a sigh. Several seconds passed. Tentatively, Naruto reached over, gingerly interlocking his right fingers with Sasuke's left and holding his hand.
"Then what?"
Sasuke shook his head.
"I don't know. Maybe he was seeing shit, but he thought my mom was laughing at him."
Despite Sasuke's calm expression, Naruto could tell that he was struggling. He reassuringly rubbed Sasuke's palm with his thumb, both eagerly anticipating and dreading his next words as he lingered in suspense.
Sasuke gazed up at the ceiling, inhaling for several seconds, holding his breath for a couple more, then exhaling. Then he looked into Naruto's eyes, his stare tender and just the slightest bit tremulous.
"Then he shot her in the chest."
Despite already having guessed what happened, hearing the words leave Sasuke's lips still took all the wind out of Naruto.
Watching someone you love be murdered in front of you… It was a crushing fate that Naruto would not have wished on his worst enemy. He wished he could forget that horrible shock he felt when the landline tore Neji apart, all of the blood and guts coupled with the cruel reality that he'd never speak to his friend again. Even when he avoided those memories during his waking hours, they lay waiting for him in slumber.
He told Sasuke that he wouldn't understand. No wonder Sasuke looked like he was holding his tongue. He wished he could go back in time and punch himself. It was bad enough to endure such a fate as an adult trained for combat, but Sasuke… He was just a child then.
Naruto reached out to bring Sasuke into him, because all he could think of now was holding Sasuke deeply and showering all the love upon him that he deserved, but Sasuke leaned away from him.
"Let me finish before I lose my nerve."
Finish? Did this seriously get worse?
"Sorry, Sasuke. Go ahead."
"So…" Sasuke muttered, biting his lower lip. "He held a .45 to my forehead, just a couple steps from me, said 'Sorry, kid...' I was the only witness. I had the distinct thought, 'Fuck…" Sasuke paused, shaking his head with the slightest hint of morbid laughter in his voice. "'I'm going to die.'"
Sasuke recounted everything with such a level voice. Naruto's eyes were watering now, but he wouldn't cry. Even Naruto hadn't been in such a situation, despite fighting in a war for two years. Bullets fell around him like a typhoon after Neji stepped on the landmine, but that hadn't been a certain death like what Sasuke had experienced.
"How…" Naruto trailed off.
How the hell did he survive that?
"A cop car passed us. Missed everything, but the siren distracted him. I knew that instant's hesitation was my only chance in hell of surviving. So I lunged at him as fast as my body would let me."
That was how Sasuke survived? He'd been so brave and so strong, his mind sharp and quick even as the fear of death loomed over him. Even as a child, Sasuke found the courage to run toward a man twice his size with a lethal weapon.
Naruto had learned about this in training - the fight or flight response. Sasuke's response, despite his smaller stature and young age, had been to fight.
"He shot me in the shoulder before I could reach him."
Naruto's eyes widened as he remembered the knots of scar tissue he felt whenever he rubbed Sasuke's back. His stare conspicuously gravitated to it despite himself. It was covered by one of the many phoenix feathers on Sasuke's shoulder. So, this was the story behind it? Sasuke caught Naruto's stare, the look on his face revealing that Sasuke knew exactly what Naruto was thinking.
Sasuke's scars didn't feel like those from a traditional gunshot wound. These were surgical scars, deep and neat. They were visible if one knew where to look, but the phoenix's yellow, red, and orange feathers hid the extent of the injuries. Months ago, Sasuke mentioned he had a surgery or two after he fractured his collarbone and shoulder blade. He just omitted the fact that the damage was from a bullet wound.
The first time they talked about the scars on his shoulder, Sasuke said he got them from being in a fight. The second time, he told Naruto that he was mugged. Both were technically true, but the full story…
Sasuke had come this close to death? What if that bullet hit his heart instead of his shoulder in another world? If Sasuke hadn't been so brave that night, Naruto would've never known that the most important thing in his life now existed. He would've had no idea what he was missing.
Thank god. Thank god Sasuke survived.
His near death was followed by years of suffering. Yet here Sasuke stood now, soaring from the ashes like a phoenix but still hurting, even if he denied it.
"But that primal fear...rage, whatever it was… Getting shot didn't even faze me. Just like my mom taught me, I flipped his feet out from under him and knocked him on his ass. He dropped the gun."
He remembered Sasuke telling him that he'd used the same technique when he was bullied in school. It saved his life.
"Jesus, Sasuke…" Naruto sighed, shaking his head. What else was there to say? "Fuck. I'm so glad you survived, but…"
Naruto's eyes welled up. The weight of the trauma that Sasuke had endured was almost more than he could bear.
"I reached the gun before he could," Sasuke added, his lip quivering for a moment. "I was...horrible thoughts went through my head. I was so, so angry..."
Wait...
Was this going where Naruto feared it might?
He wanted so badly to be wrong, not for the other party's sake but for Sasuke's. He didn't want Sasuke to be haunted from the past the same way he was, but it would explain so much.
"And then… I shot him between the eyes," Sasuke said, looking down at their hands. Naruto watched the lump of Sasuke's throat move up and down when he swallowed. "I killed him."
Despite his suspicions, Naruto couldn't hide the intense shock that hit him. Sasuke killed someone? How could he say this all so calmly?
How heavy of a burden must that have been? He was only twelve years old. Sasuke always insisted that he was not a good person. Was this the reason why?
"When I pulled the trigger… You once told me that when you found Konohamaru, you felt something in you break, almost like you could hear it."
Naruto nodded. He felt something in him shatter the instant he realized that Konohamaru's body was what the dogs were ripping apart outside of the gates. Something in him changed, broken in a way that could never fully mend. Whatever innocence and naïveté that remained in him evaporated, replaced by a grim yet inevitable acknowledgement of the less savory truths of life.
"It was just like that. At that instant, I knew that I'd never be the same person again. Something in me died."
As much as the thought of his lover going through this hurt him to his very core, he felt the smallest amount of comfort in being understood. Yet even with his combat experience, he couldn't wrap his mind around this.
What would it have been like to have experienced something of that gravity at the young age of twelve? Sasuke hadn't gone off to war on his own volition like Naruto did. He was just a kid walking his mom home. He didn't have a choice. Just like Konohamaru, he was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.
He'd told Sasuke that he could never fully understand his guilt. Sasuke didn't know what it was like to kill someone, to watch the life fade from their eyes. He didn't know what it was like to watch someone he loved be violently killed in front of him, powerless to stop it. No wonder Sasuke looked like he was biting his tongue back then. Why did he have to say those things to Sasuke? Why had he assumed?
"And I thought to myself, at the time, that it was only fair. But my mom saw it."
Sasuke shook his head, his eyes watering. Only now was he losing his composure. Tears so rarely came to Sasuke, and Naruto, despite the highs and lows of their two years together, had never seen a single one fall.
"And the look on her face…" Sasuke said with quivering lips, his voice breaking. "She tried to tell me not to do it. I fired before she could finish her sentence."
He was clenching his jaws; the pronounced indentation on his cheek gave him away. All of the times he heard Sasuke apologize to someone in his sleep… She was the one he'd been apologizing to, wasn't she? Naruto couldn't even count how many times he'd heard Sasuke talk to her.
And this was it. This was that raw, vulnerable side of Sasuke that he hid from the world, from Naruto, and even from himself. He didn't know how Sasuke managed to hold back his tears.
"Sasuke…" Naruto said, kissing Sasuke's forehead as he held his palm against the side of Sasuke's face. "When they trained us, they told us something like that could happen. When you're in a life or death situation like that, so many chemicals are released in the body, but namely, adrenaline. It really is like being high on something. Your body enters fight or flight mode."
Sasuke said nothing, his glassy eyes cast downward.
"Even the most trained minds can be hijacked by adrenaline in that situation. Sometimes you react with fear, but other times…anger. A powerful, all-encompassing rage ."
"They were right about that," Sasuke muttered. "Those thoughts…"
Sasuke's eyes wandered now, but even still, he wasn't crying.
"You weren't a trained soldier. You weren't a murderer. You were just a kid, just like Konohamaru, trying to walk your mom home. But then he took your mother from you, and he shot you. He tried to kill you, Sasuke."
Naruto felt like an idiot when his voice caught in his throat. He was trying to reassure Sasuke, but he couldn't hide how the atrocities Sasuke endured made his heart ache for him.
"What happened next… That wasn't you, love," Naruto said, Sasuke's eyes timidly meeting Naruto's now. "It was the situation you were put in, and I honestly can't believe you managed to survive."
"It wasn't me?" Sasuke answered, shaking his head with a bitter smirk. "It was my finger on the trigger."
God did Naruto understand where Sasuke was coming from. All the reassurances in the world weren't enough to pacify the guilt brewing within him when he returned from war, even knowing that such guilt isn't wholly logical.
"Don't get me wrong," Sasuke clarified. "He deserved it. But one of the last things my mother saw before she died was her twelve-year-old son putting a bullet square between a man's eyes, not for self-defense, but for vengeance."
Sasuke bit his lip.
"Is that fucked up, or what?" Sasuke asked, a single tear making its way down his cheek as his brows furrowed.
Naruto's breath came to a halt. The sight of Sasuke crying was every bit as surreal as it was heartbreaking.
"I mean, isn't it? What type of person…" Sasuke's voice cracked as more tears followed. It took him a second to find his voice again. "What type of son does that?"
Sasuke brought his hand up to his forehead, hiding his eyes under it as tears fell. Naruto leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Sasuke, and Sasuke buried his face into Naruto's shoulder. He felt Sasuke's tense muscles practically deflate against his touch. Sasuke quietly cried into Naruto's arms, his body hitching with each sob.
Of all of the horrible things Sasuke endured, this guilt was what brought him to tears? Even as he shared the most painful part of his past, he still thought of her first, not his own suffering. And Sasuke called himself selfish? The fan tattooed on Sasuke's hand told Naruto how much he loved his mother, but this…
"And why…" Sasuke began. "Why am I crying now, like I should be feeling bad for myself after what I did to her?"
Naruto remembered the first time he woke from a night terror, only a week after his accident. It was the sound of his own screaming that did it. And Sasuke just reached out and held his hand, told him where he was and that everything was going to be okay. At the time, he was so humiliated by it. He didn't want to look so weak in front of someone he respected so much.
But then, only a week later, Sasuke awoke with a gasp, his eyes wide and full of fear and grief. And in just a heartbeat, barely leaving Naruto enough time to process what he'd seen, Sasuke's expression went flat. Was this what he'd been dreaming about back then?
"Are you okay?" Naruto had asked all those months ago, brows knit in concern.
"'Course I am," Sasuke slurred, half asleep. "Just a bad dream."
Sasuke still sounded a bit winded, but it was so subtle that he wondered at the time if he'd imagined it.
"Like my bad dreams?" Naruto asked.
Sasuke took too long to respond, and he bit his lip so slightly that he almost missed it. Back then, he didn't know Sasuke as well. They'd been dating for years, but they'd interacted in person so rarely. He'd gotten much better at reading Sasuke's cues over the past seven months, particularly his body language. If this had happened now, he would've seen through it in a heartbeat.
Sasuke was dreaming of his mother dying back then, wasn't he? He bore the pain so silently.
"Everyone has bad dreams. 'Sides, I probably deserved it."
It wasn't often Sasuke said things like this. He was barely awake; his defenses were down.
When Naruto asked him to explain, he simply responded that he just wanted to fall back to sleep. It'd been more confusing to Naruto than anything back then. Why would Sasuke deserve dreams like those? After what he learned today, the memory only served to further break his heart.
Sasuke felt like he deserved to be punished back then, didn't he? Did he still believe that?
His heart ached for Sasuke so badly that several tears began to trickle down his cheeks as well. It was so fucking unfair that this happened to him, that he had to bear so much at such a young age. Even sadder still that he blamed himself for this.
Back then, he didn't know to hold Sasuke. But at least he could hold Sasuke now, letting him bury his face into his shoulder. Sasuke didn't make a sound, but Naruto could feel Sasuke's body tremble and his teardrops hit his skin.
"It wasn't your fault, Sasu," Naruto said, despite knowing that Sasuke didn't even have the ability to fully believe him. "He almost killed you. You only survived because you were so insanely brave and resourceful. What if the last thing your mom saw before she died was her son getting shot dead in front of her?"
Sasuke gave an almost imperceptible nod, but he was crying too much to speak.
"She'd be proud of you, Sasuke. You accomplished so much after having so much taken away from you."
The low, ripped collar of Sasuke's shirt covered just a finger's width of the script on his chest, dead center. The words "Nemini Cedimus" sprawled across his collarbone, coming to a rounded low point below Sasuke's collarbone.
Yield to none.
That was how Sasuke lived his life. If he hadn't, Sasuke would've died in that alleyway eighteen years ago.
"Yield to none, huh?" Naruto asked, unable to help but glance at the tattoo on Sasuke's chest. "You're like a force of nature, Sasuke."
"Sure," Sasuke said, shaking his head and pointing to his red, puffy eyes. He was more composed now, but the tears hadn't stopped. "I'm a fucking typhoon now."
Sasuke wasn't accustomed to feeling this vulnerable. The fact that Naruto had never seen Sasuke cry, even after everything they'd been through over the past two years, spoke to that.
"But that's okay, Sasuke," Naruto said, smiling softly and holding the back of his hand against Sasuke's cheek. "For once in your life, just let yourself be weak."
Just a moment's hesitation. Sasuke eyes, tremulous, shiny, and so dark, met his.
And then Sasuke obeyed, clutching Naruto closer to him as he hid his face, borrowing into Naruto's shoulder. He was louder this time, his raw, tortured wails making Naruto's heart ache with violent intensity.
Naruto cried too now that Sasuke couldn't see him anymore. Still, his chest bumped with each sob, as did Sasuke's. They wept against each other, Naruto petting Sasuke's soft hair. His other hand wrapped around Sasuke's back, pressing their bodies together tightly. It felt so inadequate. Why was this all he could do to comfort Sasuke?
"It's okay, love, let it out."
In a minute, Naruto stopped crying, but Sasuke continued for several more. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so powerless. Finally, his body began to still, and they parted.
"Thank you, Sasuke. Thank you for letting me in. I'm so sorry and angry this happened to you, fuck. It was so unfair. I can't even begin to imagine what it was like."
"I'm sure you have some idea," Sasuke muttered as he reached yet another tissue and wiped his eyes and cheeks.
They parted now. There was a petite mound of tissues that had formed on the coffee table. They were mostly Sasuke's, but Naruto had a couple in there too. As Sasuke finally began to pull away, Naruto straightened his back and placed a firm hand on each of Sasuke's shoulders.
"And now that I really do know everything," Naruto began, tilting back so that he could look Sasuke in the eye. "Maybe you'll believe me when I say that you, Uchiha Sasuke, are a good person."
Sasuke simply shook his head. He wasn't trembling anymore. Other than the tears dribbling down Sasuke's cheeks and his red, puffy eyes, he would've looked no less composed than usual.
"You are, and almost everyone can see it besides you."
"If they do, it's because they don't know me. It...feels like I'm lying to everyone."
Naruto nodded.
"I get it. I felt like a huge imposter after coming back. I still do sometimes. It's like this big secret is hovering over me, and it feels so isolating sometimes. Because...who could ever get what happened to us?"
Sasuke bit his lower lip, sucking on his left lip ring.
"Sorry I didn't tell you earlier. You would've felt less-"
"You don't have to apologize for anything, Sasu," Naruto interrupted, running his hand through Sasuke's hair. "You told me when you were ready."
Sasuke dabbed at his eyes with a tissue again, then placed his hands on his lap.
"Okay…" Sasuke said, closing his eyes, slowing his breathing.
He breathed in deep, held for several seconds, then exhaled. He repeated this for five breaths, his breathing becoming totally regular. His body was still now, his face no longer contorted with grief and regret.
Yet the tears wouldn't stop.
By the time Sasuke wiped one set of tears away, new ones followed. He tried twice, finally dropping the dampened tissue on his lap.
"I don't understand…" Sasuke muttered, shaking his head.
"You don't understand what, hun?" Naruto said, patting Sasuke's back.
"I can always stop whenever I want to when I cry. Why?" Sasuke asked, his brows furrowing as tears silently streamed down his cheeks. His voice was breaking again as desperation made its way into his tone. "Why can't I stop?"
Sasuke wanted to believe that he had the utmost authority over his emotions, and he usually did. Naruto imagined that being unable to control himself was very frightening to him.
"Because they were eighteen years in the making, love," Naruto answered. "You can let them out."
Sasuke sighed, finally giving up on restraining himself. It only made him feel powerless, and he was bound to fail. He no longer wept aloud, tear after tear silently trailing down his cheeks.
"Naruto…"
"Yeah?"
Sasuke smirked, shaking his head and tossing another tissue onto the growing mound on the coffee table.
"This fucking sucks."
"It does, doesn't it?" Naruto said, almost laughing at Sasuke's honesty. "But sometimes skeletons aren't meant to stay in the closet. Sometimes you have to lay them out and let the sun bleach their bones."
Naruto learned this the hard way. He had to acknowledge what happened over there. It was painful, but it was necessary.
"I just didn't think…" Sasuke trailed off, not bothering to stop his tears. "Never thought I'd react like this, eighteen years later."
He kissed the top of Sasuke's head, taking Sasuke's hand in his.
"Let's just ride it out together, hm?"
He saw Sasuke's eyes stall on Naruto's forearm. It was his injured one.
"I was so worried when you got called off," Sasuke began, the resulting congestion from his crying obvious in his voice. "I didn't want you to end up like me, or even worse, my father."
Covered in cracks and fault lines. Hating yourself for both the things you did and didn't do. Saddled with so much regret that it overflows from reality into your nightmares, wrapping you whole and crushing you with its weight.
Naruto knew that was what Sasuke meant. He didn't have to say it.
"You know, what happened over there… It hurt. It really did. And it changed me. I really did feel like a fraud coming back here, you know?" Naruto said, shaking his head. "Like I was some monster pretending to be a normal person, seeping poison everywhere I went."
Sasuke nodded, biting his lip.
"I've known that feeling a bit too well for my liking."
Damn. All along, Sasuke understood. He really understood, which reassured and saddened Naruto at the same time. He bore so many burdens so quietly.
"I didn't know who I'd become. It felt like…" Naruto paused, searching for words. "It felt like I was a stranger to even myself."
Sasuke looked deeply into Naruto's eyes, his brows knit. Sasuke had felt the same way, hadn't he?
"For years after that night, it felt like I didn't know myself anymore," Sasuke replied. "I haven't felt that way in the longest time, but recently, the feeling returned."
"What do you mean?" Naruto asked, concern in his tone.
That certainly didn't sound like a good thing.
"I don't know," Sasuke shrugged, pausing for a moment. "I could've never seen myself willingly telling anyone about this. I would've never thought we'd-"
Sasuke looked down at their clasped hands now, the sun and moon tattoos on their wrists just in view. So, this is what Sasuke meant.
"Maybe it's because you're doing stuff you thought you would never do," Naruto said. "Hell, never thought you could do."
"Maybe," Sasuke mused. "I can't believe I had a party with ten people at my place and actually enjoyed it."
Naruto couldn't help but laugh.
"Eleven," Naruto corrected. "You, me, Suigetsu, Karin, Juugo, Kakashi, Itachi, Shikamaru, Lee, Kiba, and Sakura."
"No, that's ten. I wasn't including myself."
"'No, that's ten. I wasn't including myself,'" Naruto imitated, doing his best impression of Sasuke's know-it-all tone.
"Does it really count if three of them were your friends and three work for me?"
Naruto shook his head vehemently. Sasuke was so doubtful of his ability to form meaningful connections with others that it spoke even more loudly than his typical pride.
"Okay, first off, Lee fucking loves you, and if I hear you refer to him as my friend one more time I'm gonna slap you," Naruto began. "Secondly, Kiba and Sakura would totally hang out with you even if I weren't there. You guys would get on amazingly. Lastly, regarding the guys from the shop, this was not some mandatory work activity."
"Mn," Sasuke said simply.
"I remember you telling me that you were incapable of being consistent or having any sort of long-term bond. You'd bail when I needed you most. Yet who was with me every night for weeks in Landstuhl, sleeping on that cheap, uncomfortable-as-fuck looking recliner?"
Naruto paused, and Sasuke's eyes met his.
"Who paid for my implants when I was self-conscious about my teeth? Who let me stay with them when I was too fucked up to take care of myself?" Naruto asked, his voice quivering with conviction. "Who was there for Lee when he woke from a coma with no one by his side? Haven't you always said that actions speak louder than words?"
Sasuke used to always dismiss his kind acts, claiming an ulterior motive or saying that he only helped when it was easy for him. He didn't have that reasoning to fall back on now.
"Maybe the reason you feel like you don't know yourself is because you're learning that you didn't know yourself. You're changing, and you're seeing the kindness and dedication you're capable of. You're a good person, Sasuke," Naruto said, his eyes welling up with tears. "And hell if you aren't good to me."
Sasuke looked down at the moon tattoo on his wrist and the ring on his finger, one of the matching pair that he'd bought for them while Naruto fought overseas. It hadn't been a proposal. It was a promise that he'd be back home waiting for him.
The corners of Sasuke's lips rose ever so slightly. It was the first smile he'd worn since he told Naruto the truth.
"I guess I was wrong about a few things after all," Sasuke muttered.
Despite the moment, Naruto couldn't help but lag, his jaw dropping to the floor. The look on his face must've been hilarious, because Sasuke issued an unmistakable smirk afterward.
"I used to ask myself a lot of times…" Sasuke said, a thoughtful pause then lapsing. "So many times, I've asked myself why I almost never defended myself when my dad…"
Sasuke bit his lip.
"When he would make me fall. He had a limp and only one leg. At first, he was a lot bigger than me, but I was almost as big as he was when I left. I let him do it."
He remembered Sasuke telling him this months ago, the first time he opened up to Naruto about the extent of the abuse he endured. None of that was Sasuke's fault. Naruto couldn't let him think that, and he'd reassure him of this as many times as he needed to.
"Not saying that it's my fault," Sasuke said before Naruto could voice his concern. "I just finally get why I so rarely put up a fight."
"Why?"
He paused for a moment. His tears had stopped but his eyes were still glassy.
"I wanted to be punished for that night."
All of that time, did Sasuke feel like he deserved it? Such an interdependent, unhealthy relationship between Sasuke and his father… No wonder he despised him so. Naruto couldn't help the pained expression that emerged on his face.
"As much as it fucked with me, it eased the guilt at times."
Naruto's jaw hung open, his mind searching for his next words.
"I think that's part of why I left so suddenly and didn't tell anyone where I was going. It's a big part of why I changed my last name. I wanted it to really feel like I was starting over so I could escape the sway he had over me. It was like dying and coming back as someone else, like I was-"
"-rising from the ashes." Naruto finished for him. "...like a phoenix."
The soft smile Sasuke cast at him told Naruto that his interpretation was correct. The large, mythical bird with its vibrant feathers that spread out across Sasuke's back… He finally knew what that stood for and just what it meant to Sasuke.
Naruto remembered when Sasuke told him that he took his mother's maiden name, Uchiha, rather than sticking with his father's last name. It meant fan, and their kamon was none other than the simplistic, circular fan tattooed on the web of his hand.
"I honestly can't believe it worked…" Sasuke muttered. "Or at least for the most part."
Naruto wrapped his arms around Sasuke. He remembered Sasuke telling him, many times, that he didn't deserve someone like Naruto in his life. Maybe he still thought he deserved to be punished.
"Sasuke, I hope you know that you deserve everything good in this world."
For both his kindness and the simple fact that he had already endured enough hardship for a dozen lifetimes.
"And I have it," Sasuke replied, pressing his forehead against Naruto's.
Naruto couldn't help but smile, and now happy tears left his eyes despite himself.
"It was shitty, but I made out pretty well in the end. So don't cry so many tears for me."
Naruto stopped, peering into Sasuke's eyes. He knew he wanted to reassure Naruto, but Sasuke also hated being pitied. It wasn't pity, though. Naruto just couldn't help but feel Sasuke's pain, almost as vividly as if it were his own.
"I'm exactly where I want to be. I do what I love, fuck who I love, and I never worry about making rent. I worked my ass off for everything I have except for you."
Sasuke shrugged.
"You just fell into my lap…." he snickered. "Or fainted onto my chair, as fate had it."
"You really do have to keep bringing that up, don't you?" Naruto remarked, smiling at Sasuke.
"I remember it fondly."
"Yeah, of course you do," Naruto teased.
Sasuke rolled his eyes, catching Naruto's loving stare as soon as he finished. After several seconds of eye contact, Naruto reached out, holding his hand against Sasuke's face. Sasuke, in return, held his hand against Naruto's scarred cheek, thumb running over one of the jagged marks left by the shrapnel.
And there was love and understanding in the look they exchanged; it needed no words, all scars laid bare. Sasuke's thumb trailed down Naruto's cheek, falling on his plump bottom lip now. Naruto licked his upper lip without meaning to.
Holding Sasuke's hand in his, Naruto leaned forward and kissed Sasuke. Sasuke squeezed Naruto's hand tightly now, reciprocating and gingerly kissing Naruto.
"I love you, Sasu," Naruto said, parting before giving Sasuke another quick, indulgent kiss on the lips. "More than you could ever know."
Sasuke's actions spoke for him as he kissed Naruto again, their tongues sliding over each other's so idly. Sasuke held Naruto's hand just a bit harder.
"Thank you, Naruto," Sasuke said. "For loving me still."
"You didn't seriously think I could stop, did you?" Naruto asked him, raising his brows.
"No," Sasuke shrugged, his tears drying. "Not really."
Sasuke trusted him. He'd told Naruto as much before.
"Asshole," Naruto laughed, lightly jabbing Sasuke in the ribs with his knuckle.
He'd process today's news later. What mattered most was getting Sasuke to smile. That was all he could hope for.
Naruto reached out, running his hand underneath Sasuke's shirt and kneading at his shoulder. Sasuke gently moved into the contact, stretching out the muscles in his neck.
"Jesus, you're so tight."
It felt like a large cord spanned the distance between Sasuke's neck and the edge of his shoulder. Naruto paused for a minute, finding himself laughing at the double meaning of the words he'd just spoken.
"In many places, actually."
"Grow up, would you?" Sasuke asked, rolling his eyes and blowing his nose.
"I guess that's what you get when you put your bootyhole on lockdown for anyone but yours truly."
Sasuke hadn't let many people penetrate him, and he'd let only one dominate him, just to try it. Even though Sasuke had enough sexual experience to fill an encyclopedia, Naruto took pride in that fact.
"Maybe it's because even subconsciously my body doesn't understand why I'm letting such a dumbass fuck me."
Naruto emitted an exaggerated gasp, his mouth hanging open in mock hurt as he clutched his hand to his chest.
"I didn't know your anus was sentient, Sasuke."
"Just another line item to add to the list of things you've learned about me today," Sasuke shrugged.
"Wow," Naruto guffawed. "You truly are a man of mysteries."
Sasuke just leaned back into the couch and sighed.
"Though seriously, your back feels like it's made of rocks. Why don't you let me rub you?"
Naruto hoped that Sasuke would agree to it. He was glad to see Sasuke's mood lighten, but he still felt a need to pamper Sasuke. He'd never seen Sasuke cry before today, and shit, he'd been through so much. It really was like learning an entirely new side of him.
"Sure," Sasuke said. "But water first."
Sasuke had essentially cried his eyes out. No wonder he was thirsty.
"Go lie down. I'll bring you a glass."
For a moment, Sasuke looked like he'd fight Naruto on it. He was prideful like that.
"Okay," he said, walking toward the bedroom and turning away from Naruto. "Thanks."
"Don't mention it, buttercup."
He heard Sasuke scoff at the random term of endearment, which was more than a little satisfying to Naruto. He made quick work of pouring the ice water and bringing it to Sasuke, who sat on his bed. Sasuke took several long swigs of water, the lump on his throat moving back and forth with each swallow.
Sasuke proceeded to remove his shirt, each lower corner grabbed by the opposite hand as he lifted it over his head and neatly placed it on the bedside table. Even for as long as Naruto had lived with Sasuke, he still couldn't get over how attractive he was shirtless. Damn, those abs, that collarbone, those beautiful tattoos...
Focus, Naruto.
Sasuke either didn't notice Naruto's distraction or didn't care, moving his pillow to the side and lying on his stomach. The phoenix covering his back was now in full view, and Naruto couldn't help but be reminded of what it meant to Sasuke now.
He felt such strong love for Sasuke and such crushing sadness at what he'd been through. It soured his stomach, and if he allowed his mind to linger on it, he'd again be reduced to tears. But all of the intimacy they'd shared…
Why did it make him feel like making love to Sasuke right now? God, it really was not the time, but the urge burrowed into his brain and refused to leave. Besides, he wanted to build Sasuke up, to make him smile again. He straddled Sasuke's waist now, one thigh on either side of him.
Distracting himself as best he could, he squirted the massage oil they kept on the bedside table for their many impromptu massages into his palms and warmed it before placing his hands on Sasuke's back. Fortunately for Sasuke, Naruto's arm had recovered to the point that he could give two-handed massages now in earnest. He placed the oil just between Sasuke's shoulder blades, right on the face of the phoenix.
He then dispersed it, working at the muscles under Sasuke's shoulder blades. The way Sasuke deflated underneath his hands told him he was doing a good job. He memorized the tightest parts of Sasuke's back and where he held most of his pain and tension. The large tattoo on his back made it easy to pinpoint the problem areas.
"Is this good?"
"Yeah," Sasuke confirmed, closing his eyes now.
Despite everything, Sasuke looked peaceful.
"You're particularly bad tonight."
"I need to stretch more," Sasuke replied simply. "I had a huge sternum piece yesterday. Five hours. Then a four-hour piece."
Sternum tattoos tended to take a lot out of Sasuke, as they required him to bend and contort in a variety of ways to work. Sasuke was more selective about his work now that there was a frenzied demand for his services, generally favoring longer pieces. It was less work from a scheduling perspective and offered Sasuke more creative freedom, but it did have this drawback.
"You need to stop doing that to yourself, babe."
"Too late. I'll just hope and pray for more cancellations."
Sasuke stopped taking people from his waitlist about a month ago. He'd packed his schedule too tightly during his most recent convention in Berlin, so he took breaks when they came. He certainly didn't have to worry about the money these days.
Naruto now moved to Sasuke's shoulders, his right arm causing Sasuke to hiss as it grabbed at a tense cord of muscles a bit too directly. That arm was still clumsy, lacking full sensation and almost devoid of finesse. Because of the residual numbness, he had little to no concept of the force he was applying.
"Sorry," he quickly apologized, softening his technique and doing his best to get rid of the surface tension before going deeper. "Still kinda suck at this with my right arm."
Sasuke relaxed underneath him immediately.
"You'll figure it out."
To some, that might have sounded dismissive, but Naruto knew that this was just Sasuke's way of expressing his faith in him.
"Is this better?" he asked as he applied gentle surface pressure to the area.
"That's perfect," Sasuke reassured, sighing. "Hey…"
"Hm?"
"Sorry I made tonight about me. I wasn't expecting to lose it like that."
Naruto quickly shook his head, despite knowing that Sasuke couldn't see him. Sasuke always felt a need to apologize when he expressed his weaknesses to Naruto. It blew his mind how Sasuke could insist that he was not a kind person when he always put Naruto before himself.
"Hey, I was just a little gloomy, but this is a big day for you. And really, it's about time you unraveled a bit in front of me," Naruto said, his hands kneading the front and back side of Sasuke's right shoulder. "I was starting to wonder if you were really human."
Naruto winked despite knowing that Sasuke couldn't see him, and it could almost be heard in his voice.
"That was much more than a bit," Sasuke muttered.
"I'm just…" Naruto began, rubbing Sasuke's other shoulder now, his thumb pinning down a tight cord. "I don't know, I'm just glad you told me. So many things I didn't understand before make sense now."
The many times he apologized in his sleep, his insistence that he was not a good person and that Naruto didn't know him, his fear of guns… He remembered their very first fight, back at the shooting range. He didn't have to ask Sasuke to know that he was remembering that night back then. If only he'd known, he wouldn't have pushed Sasuke like he did.
Naruto rubbed Sasuke for several seconds before adding, "And all that regret I have from the war… For the first time, I feel like you really get it. You lived it."
Sasuke nodded, silently enjoying Naruto's ministrations for a few more seconds. As Naruto repeated his motions with Sasuke's other shoulder, he kneaded over the scar tissue on Sasuke's back. Sasuke didn't move away, letting Naruto rub it however he saw fit. As he wrapped his hand around the top of Sasuke's shoulder and pulled, he felt the tough tissue on either side of Sasuke's torso.
Those scars made him feel sad, furious, and grateful, all at once. Sad that Sasuke went through so much, furious that someone did this to him, and so profoundly grateful that Sasuke had survived. He couldn't help but be distracted by those emotions, his palms sweating as he paused.
"If you're wondering…" Sasuke said, rolling onto his side and touching an area just below his collarbone. "This was the entry point."
Even without seeing him, Sasuke was able to read Naruto. He returned to his stomach, pointing to a knot of skin.
"And there was the exit wound."
Naruto nodded.
"Were you ever self-conscious about them?"
He asked because Naruto was more than a little self-conscious about his own, but then again, they were far more drastic than Sasuke's were. He wished that at least his face could have been spared, but then again, life doesn't give a rat's ass about your desires.
"No," Sasuke replied. "The only reason they were covered up is because they were in the way."
Naruto wrapped his hand around Sasuke's shoulder, gently kneading both wounds.
"It really doesn't hurt when I grab it like this?"
Sasuke had told him before that it didn't, but perhaps this was another one of the many pains Sasuke bore silently.
"You'd have to grab it twice as hard for it to be painful."
Naruto quietly nodded. So, it did still have some tenderness.
"They really did have to do some heavy duty stuff, huh?"
"Yes, I needed a few surgeries because of how it tore up my collarbone and my shoulder blade. I was small, so everything was closer together."
Naruto nodded slowly. That was less than half of Naruto's weight. Jesus, Sasuke really was just a child.
"Could've lost my arm, apparently," Sasuke added.
Naruto tilted his head. What were the odds that both of them nearly lost an arm at one point in their lives?
"Damn, that really is some coincidence, huh?" Naruto said, some laughter in his tone. "Good thing we dodged that."
"Mhm."
"Did you know you might lose your arm at the time?"
The waiting at Landstuhl had been horrible. For weeks, the question lingered over him. Though he was sometimes frustrated by his limitations, he was more than a little grateful that he not only kept his arm but even regained most of the feeling in it.
"No, they didn't know that until after my first surgery. The bullet barely missed the subclavian artery. Never had to worry."
At least that saved Sasuke some suspense.
"I never even recognized it as a bulletwound," Naruto said as he curiously ran his fingers over the entry and exit points of the bullet.
"I was hoping you wouldn't," Sasuke admitted.
That elicited a bittersweet feeling from Naruto.
"It must've been tough, carrying that secret. When you said I didn't really know you…" Naruto paused. "That always hurt, but I get where you were coming from now."
"Well…" Sasuke murmured. "I hate to admit it, but you might've known me better than I knew myself in a sense, which really is a trip."
Naruto nodded. Sasuke saw himself in a different light now, and it made him glad.
"Yup, PTSD and fistfuls of guilt from life or death trauma can do that to you. I still feel like I'm a sack of shit sometimes for what happened over there."
Sasuke sighed.
"One of the many reasons I hated you going. I knew how it can fuck with you."
Naruto nodded, because that it certainly did.
"By the way…" he muttered, now rubbing at the muscles along either side of Sasuke's spine. "I'm sorry about all those super emo 'you don't know what it's like' comments I'd make after I got back. I wish I could go back in time and slap myself."
He finished with a wry laugh in his voice. Sasuke shook his head.
"Trust me, I get it. I felt the same way when people tried to talk to me about that night."
"I'm sure," Naruto said.
"People told me, 'Don't blame yourself. It was him or you.' And I didn't correct them. I couldn't. I lied to the world dozens, maybe hundreds of times."
Naruto didn't stop his ministrations, tenderly caressing Sasuke's shoulder. What a weight that must have been on him, especially as a child.
"And you were right," Sasuke added. "You can't understand it without experiencing it. If I'd told you earlier, maybe you would've felt less alone."
And maybe he would've, but without Sasuke in his life… He shuddered to think about how much harder things would've been. While he knew he had friends waiting for him in America, sometimes it felt like Sasuke was the only good thing left in his life.
"Dude, no need to apologize. You were with me every step of the way. I don't know what I would've done without you."
"I just did what a lover is supposed to do," Sasuke shrugged. "Besides, in the beginning, they didn't know if you'd make it."
Sasuke made it to his side less than a day after the accident. He didn't wake up for several more days, leaving Sasuke to wonder whether he'd ever hear Naruto's voice again. What if their positions had been reversed? What if he'd almost lost Sasuke? He couldn't even begin to wrap his head around how terrifying that would be.
"The paramedics separated us before my mom died. If the worst happened, I didn't want you to die alone like she had to."
So, that was why Sasuke arrived at Landstuhl hardly longer than a day after Naruto was blasted by a landmine. Sasuke just dropped everything he was doing, quickly packed some belongings, and hopped on a plane to the other side of the world. And he did it with such little hesitation because he just wouldn't let Naruto die alone. Sasuke always denied that he was a good person, yet he put Naruto's needs above his own at every turn.
"Thank you, Sasuke," Naruto said, smiling at Sasuke so softly. "You dropped everything to be there. I don't want to imagine how horrible things would have been without you."
"You would've done the same for me."
"I wish I could've," Naruto sighed. "It must've been so horrible to lose someone so close to you, especially like that."
Naruto knew what it was like to lose someone. There wasn't a day that passed when he didn't think of his parents in some way, even if it was as simple as remembering his mother's love of habanero hot sauce when he shopped for food or his father's horrible jokes when he heard a cringe-worthy pun.
"But you do know what that's like," Sasuke countered.
He watched Neji die, yes. But not his parents.
"I wasn't there when my parents died either," Naruto muttered, gently pulling up on the skin between Sasuke's spine and shoulder blade. "I hope they didn't suffer."
One car accident was all it took to upend Naruto's world entirely, causing him to drift from home to home until he finally came of age. It was crazy how one day, one second changed everything, just as it had for Sasuke.
"Me too, love."
The words sounded so sweet leaving Sasuke's lips.
"Sasuke…"
"Hm?" Sasuke asked, turning his head and looking up at Naruto.
Sasuke used to think he wasn't capable of loving someone, but Sasuke loved him. He'd endured so much, and despite the odds, he thrived. Naruto always thought that Sasuke was strong, but now that he'd seen Sasuke's weakness, Naruto realized that Sasuke was stronger than he could have ever comprehended.
And now words forsook him.
"What?" Sasuke pressed.
"I'm sorry, just… Whenever I feel like it's impossible to love you any more, I somehow do."
Sasuke said nothing, but the way the corners of his lips rose almost imperceptibly told Naruto that his words impacted him.
"I feel it now; it's tough to put words together," Naruto added with a chuckle in his voice. "I meant it when I said you're a force of nature. To accomplish what you have after what happened… You amaze me, Sasuke."
And it was true. Even after seeing Sasuke's greatest weakness, or perhaps especially after seeing Sasuke's greatest weaknesses, it felt like he was inhumanly strong.
Sasuke paused for a couple seconds.
"Let me get on my back."
He'd only rubbed Sasuke's right side. They got lost in conversation after Sasuke told him about his scars.
"But you're not even yet."
"Move," Sasuke insisted.
"That's all you have to say to me after I tell you something so sweet?" Naruto sulked teasingly.
Yet he still moved his leg, allowing Sasuke to twist onto his back. He still straddled Sasuke, whose hair fell against the pillow so beautifully, so uncharacteristically unkempt after this night's turns. God, Sasuke was so gorgeous. It was almost a crime.
"Naruto, show me how much you love me," Sasuke said almost timidly, lying underneath Naruto. "Please."
Never once had Sasuke asked Naruto for this so sweetly and so meekly. Naruto beamed at him, wondering if Sasuke could feel the love radiating off of him.
"There's nothing I want more."
He leaned over, kissing Sasuke. The feel of Sasuke's lips against his own warmed him up, made his body think too many steps ahead. Their lips remained in contact for a second, slowly opening against each other. And then Naruto's tongue ever so slightly ventured into Sasuke's mouth, like a tortoise slowly peeking out of its shell. He didn't want to push Sasuke, but he'd at least extend the offer.
Sasuke's tongue brushed up on Naruto's now. Naruto held his hand against Sasuke's cheek as he kissed him lazily, savoring every movement and gluttonously soaking it in. They moved slowly. Sasuke tugged Naruto's shirt up, an unspoken request which Naruto gladly granted, their lips parting just long enough for Naruto to remove his shirt.
"Sasuke, what are you up for?"
"I just wanted to feel your body against mine," Sasuke replied. "Let's play it by ear."
Naruto felt that same need for closeness. He gladly acquiesced, lying down on Sasuke so that their chests were flush against each other. They looked good, Naruto thought to himself. And that script on Sasuke's collarbone… The sight of it caused Naruto's eyes to tear ever so slightly.
Before Sasuke could notice, he kissed Sasuke again, this time more passionately. He felt Sasuke's warmth against his skin now, felt each breath and hitch. Sasuke reached out, holding his hand against Naruto's cheek as he reached for Naruto's injured hand, his fingers interlocking with Naruto's.
Sasuke never once looked at Naruto differently after he got his scars. He never stopped desiring him, even when he was a swollen mess with missing teeth. So Naruto wouldn't look at Sasuke differently now either.
He peppered kisses around Sasuke's jawbone, kissed down his neck as he brushed one hand up against Sasuke's stomach toward his chest. As much as he tried to calm himself for Sasuke's sake, lusty thoughts threatened to hijack his brain. He felt himself begin to grow hard, his body refusing to listen to his protests. Sasuke held his hand against Naruto's chest as well, softly smiling.
"I can feel your heartbeat," Sasuke remarked. "You're clearly very excited."
Naruto hitched for a moment, embarrassed despite himself.
"Though your heart's not all I can feel."
Naruto flushed a deep shade of pink. So, his boner had not been as discreet as he had hoped it was.
"I'm sorry! I didn't-"
"You're so cute when you blush like that," Sasuke said with a soft smile that made Naruto melt.
And of course he blushed even more deeply now, much to Sasuke's satisfaction.
"Besides, how could I blame you when we're pressed together like this?"
Naruto licked his bottom lip, still ashamed of himself but unable to hide his arousal. He felt the urge to apologize again but restrained himself. Sasuke looked more sure of himself now as Naruto lost his cool, unabashedly looking up at Naruto as he straddled him. Sasuke was egging Naruto on; he wanted this.
"How can you act like I'm the only one thinking about sex when you flirt with me like that?"
"I never said you were," Sasuke said matter-of-factly. "But I'm not feeling my strongest right now. I don't think I could keep up."
Naruto merely shook his head.
"Sasuke, there's no keeping up to do. Just let me take care of you," Naruto replied, kissing Sasuke's forehead.
The corners of Sasuke's lips rose as he nodded, "I guess I'll allow it."
Naruto kissed Sasuke again, this time with a bit more fervor. He loved the feeling of his stomach and chest against Sasuke's, such large swaths of bare skin. It made it feel like he was breathing with Sasuke as he kissed Sasuke's neck, then his collarbone, then his chest, right on the word "nemini."
Meanwhile, he rubbed the heel of his hand against Sasuke's sex.
"A bit stiff, Sasuke," he gloated before kissing down Sasuke's happy trail.
The next steps were a no-brainer, really. He'd always been told that his blow job skills were second to none, and he'd even impressed Sasuke. At the time, he didn't know how big of an honor it was to impress Sasuke with sexual prowess. Of the dozens of people that had sucked Sasuke off, Sasuke always maintained that Naruto was the best.
He held the button of Sasuke's jeans in his hand.
"May I?" Naruto asked. "I want to taste you."
"That sounds amazing," Sasuke said, not bothering to hide his eagerness as he so often did.
Naruto moved down on the bed, lazily unbuttoning Sasuke's pants so that he could savor every movement. Naruto could feel Sasuke's legs fidget against him as he slowly pulled down his zipper. Sasuke braced his feet against the bed so that his ass hovered over it, allowing Naruto to pull down his pants just enough to free his budding erection.
As he guided Sasuke's briefs down, Sasuke's sex popped out, just the slightest bit hard. Sasuke's brows knit at the sudden contact with the cool air, his face the slightest bit flushed. His eyes were still puffy from crying earlier.
"Don't worry," Naruto said, wrapping his palm around the base of Sasuke's cock. "I'll keep you warm."
He ever so slowly licked up the underside of Sasuke's sex, licking over the three barbells along the shaft and curling his tongue as he reached the base of Sasuke's glans. Sasuke squirmed underneath him, indubitably eager. He wasn't trying to hide it as he so often did.
"You're enjoying this almost as much as I am," Naruto muttered.
"Nn," Sasuke said, blindly groping for Naruto's hand with his own.
Naruto gladly held Sasuke's hand in his own, and it was ever so slightly clammy. It was endearing, really. Naruto ran his other hand up Sasuke's inner thigh before circling his tongue around the head of Sasuke's cock, tapping his tongue stud against the small metal ball emerging from his slit.
Sasuke told him that it just felt different when those two unyielding surfaces met each other. He could feel it inside, right against his urethra. Naruto had already loved his new tongue piercing, but this made it even more worthwhile. That faint clinking noise and the feeling of metal against metal aroused Naruto more than he cared to admit.
"Naru…" Sasuke whispered. "Please suck me."
Please? Sasuke had used this word twice now, and it still sounded strange leaving his lips. Naruto felt so privileged to witness the tender side of Sasuke that he hid from the world.
"How can I say no when you ask like that?" Naruto asked with a soft smile.
And then he acquiesced, softly sucking Sasuke from the edge of his head to the tip, his lips stopping right before Sasuke's glans. Sasuke's ampallang piercing, which intersected Sasuke's head horizontally, made it easy to keep Sasuke inside of his mouth. He tensed the edges of his lips as he neared it, allowing him to suck at Sasuke's tip with a bit more control.
The way Sasuke squirmed when Naruto toyed with the piercings on his cock made him almost consider getting one himself, the keyword being "almost." Sasuke's eyes lidded shut, his face relaxed as Naruto gently bobbed up and down. Naruto would be patient and slow with Sasuke; he wanted to make it last.
He'd felt so powerless to help Sasuke just minutes ago as he recounted the most painful moments of his life. But now, he could make Sasuke feel bliss. He could take care of him. He channeled his love into every movement. Naruto had sucked Sasuke off countless times, but this instance was unlike the others. Sasuke reached down with his other hand, running it tenderly through Naruto's hair. Though Sasuke didn't speak, his raw vulnerability was almost palpable.
Naruto continued to suck at that slow, steady pace, Sasuke purring under his breath. Sasuke turned now, briefly fiddling with the bedside table with one hand and bringing out a bottle of lube. Naruto couldn't help but moan against Sasuke's cock at the sight of it. He wordlessly handed it to Naruto. He knew that Naruto would know exactly what to do with it.
Without even breaking his rhythm, Naruto slid Sasuke's pants and briefs down to his shins. Sasuke used his feet to wiggle out of them, now completely nude underneath Naruto. Naruto released his hand from Sasuke's cock, his other hand still interlocked with Sasuke's. He took Sasuke in more deeply now that his hand wasn't there to warm Sasuke's base.
In a slightly awkward movement, Naruto squirted lube onto his pointer finger, middle finger, ring finger, and pinky. Naruto swirled his slick pinky around Sasuke's pucker. He didn't want to cause Sasuke pain, so he decided to play it safe and use his thinnest finger. Sasuke needed to be treated with care right now. Then Sasuke lifted his rear, and Naruto knew exactly what Sasuke wanted before he even had time to explain. He dribbled lube into Sasuke's entrance.
Sasuke emitted a low moan at the sudden contact, a sensation that was the typical prelude to Naruto making love to him. Despite Sasuke's wealth of sexual experience, he'd let so few people enter him. It felt like an honor. Sasuke was so shameless and honest tonight. They'd definitely need to wash the sheets after this, but this was more than worth it.
He pressed his pinky against it with two pulses, on the third clearing Sasuke's entrance up to this first knuckle. He ever so slightly picked up the pace as he sucked Sasuke, unable to fully restrain himself.
"Yes…" Sasuke muttered.
Naruto moaned against Sasuke, knowing that he'd feel the resulting vibrations. He hooked his finger, pushing against Sasuke's rim as he sucked Sasuke with growing intensity. Sasuke clenched around him, relaxing only seconds later. He then lowered himself onto Naruto's finger, forcing it in entirely. Naruto couldn't help but be aroused by Sasuke's eagerness, his erection uncomfortably pressing against his pants.
Naruto thrusted his finger in and out, making a complete round trip every time he sucked Sasuke from base to tip. Sasuke was opening up for him so nicely, his hand comfortably but tightly clasping Naruto's. Naruto glanced up, his eyes meeting Sasuke's now. His brows were furrowed, his lips ever so slightly parted, his cheeks flushed a light pink, his stare equal parts love and lust.
He wished he could tell Sasuke how much he loved him, how beautiful Sasuke was. But his mouth was busy with other matters at the moment.
"Another finger. I'm ready."
Sasuke was just past half-mast now. He added his lube-slicked ring finger as he thrust in and out of Sasuke in smooth, gliding movements. It was taking him a bit longer than usual to get hard, probably as a result of both Naruto's slower movements and Sasuke's fragile mental state. He scissored his fingers inside of Sasuke, never once breaking his rhythm as he sucked Sasuke off.
"Nnn," Sasuke almost purred. "Another."
Naruto removed his pinky, almost immediately replacing it with his pointer and middle finger, a total of three fingers. He'd put his thicker fingers inside of Sasuke, and as expected, Sasuke's inner walls went slack around Naruto's fingers. Sasuke was loosening up more quickly for him than he ever had.
Yet Sasuke was also not getting as hard as quickly as he ordinarily would. It made Naruto feel like he was doing something wrong, but he reminded himself of where Sasuke was mentally. This secret had haunted Sasuke since he was a child, but, out of pride, Sasuke refused to acknowledge its full impact until today. He shared his shameful secret with Naruto, then wept uncontrollably for the first time in eighteen years.
Sasuke was in a very vulnerable and raw place, so Naruto wanted to give Sasuke the utmost pleasure to build him back up. The blissed look on Sasuke's face and the soft moans that left his lips told Naruto that he was succeeding.
He now thrusted three fingers in and out of Sasuke, sucking harder and faster.
"God…" Sasuke moaned. "Yes…"
It wasn't like Sasuke to be so vocal, especially so early on. Naruto expressed his approval with an equally hungry moan. Thoughts of making love to Sasuke inundated his brain, to the point where he could almost feel Sasuke's inner walls hugging his cock. But he'd be patient with Sasuke.
Sasuke's thumb absently rubbed over the back of Naruto's hand, pausing whenever Naruto hit a particularly juicy spot. Naruto stared into Sasuke's eyes, and Sasuke… He'd never seen him look so smitten before. It warmed him up inside, made him feel overwhelmed by his love for Sasuke.
At last, Naruto's mouth parted with Sasuke's sex. He unbuttoned his own pants, his erection peeking out. He released Sasuke's hand, pressing their sexes together, squirting lube onto both of them, and frenziedly pumping. Sasuke rested his recently freed hand against the bed, lifting his front half off as he leaned forward, kissing Naruto so deeply as he rested his other hand on Naruto's muscled chest. His thumb brushed over one of its many scars, this deep one just a couple fingers' width below his areola.
Their tongues curled around each other, finding comfort and bliss is equal measure. They both moaned into the kiss, unrestrained and shamelessly savoring every second. Sasuke was growing harder by the minute, both of them intoxicated by the feeling of their most sensitive parts pressed against each other.
He picked up the pace, Sasuke running his hand down Naruto's chest and ever so tenderly tapping Naruto's nipple with his thumb. It was especially sensitive after being pierced a couple months ago, but Sasuke was so gentle.
"I'm ready for you," Sasuke said when their lips finally parted.
"Don't have to tell me twice," Naruto smiled, removing his hand from inside of Sasuke.
He pressed the tip of his cock against Sasuke's entrance. Sasuke licked his upper lip. God, he was so beautiful, so strong, so sweet and tender. It distracted him for a moment.
"What are you waiting for?"
"Sorry. It's just..." Naruto said with a sheepish smile. "Sometimes I still can't get over the fact that you're mine."
"I understand. I love you too," Sasuke replied, his eyes watering yet again.
Naruto smiled at him, both of them distracted for just several seconds until Naruto came back into his own, edging the very tip of his cock into Sasuke's rear. They were both panting now, their eyes locked on each other's. He pressed harder against Sasuke, his head now clearing Sasuke's entrance.
Naruto leaned over Sasuke, their chests pressed together. He loved feeling Sasuke squirm underneath him, loved how precisely he felt each one of his breaths. He thrusted in and out, still staying shallow.
"You don't have to be so gentle," Sasuke told him. "Don't hold back."
"Promise you'll tell me if it hurts, okay?"
He wanted to pamper Sasuke now. He wasn't in the right state of mind to be treated roughly.
"I promise, love."
He adored it when Sasuke called him that. He did it so rarely, which made it all the more potent. Sasuke let him in easily, Naruto dipping in almost completely now. He felt Sasuke's inner walls squeeze him for just a second before relaxing yet again.
"Mmmn," Sasuke moaned, closing his eyes as he basked in bliss.
The corners of Sasuke's lips turned upwards ever so slightly. When Sasuke sobbed so hard earlier, Naruto would've given anything to make him smile. It was such a painful, desperate noise that sounded so unnatural leaving his lips. This was how he'd build Sasuke back up.
Sasuke wrapped his legs around Naruto's waist, bringing them that much closer together. It allowed Naruto to fit his entire length inside of Sasuke as his groin came into contact with Sasuke's cheeks. Sasuke's hair would bounce ever so slightly with each thrust, his face flushed. The only sounds were the pattering of the rain outside, their panting and moaning, and the creaking of the bed with every thrust.
As his brows furrowed and his eyes clamped shut, Sasuke grabbed Naruto's hand tightly. His lower jaw parted, leaving his mouth just slightly open. Naruto couldn't help but think of kissing Sasuke's petite lips.
"You okay?" Naruto asked, pausing for a moment.
Sasuke opened his eyes now, his lustful but tender stare meeting Naruto's.
"Please don't stop," Sasuke panted.
Naruto resumed his ministrations, pumping in and out of Sasuke now. He was so beautiful, so strong…
He leaned forward, kissing the tip of Sasuke's ear and whispering, "I love you."
He knew these were the words Sasuke needed to hear right now. Sasuke squeezed Naruto's hand more tightly now as Naruto stroked his thumb over the back of Sasuke's.
He peppered kisses down the shell of Sasuke's ear, whispering yet again, "I love you."
Goosebumps speckled Sasuke's arms as he reached forward, raking his fingers through Naruto's hair as Naruto made love to him. Naruto thrust inside of Sasuke again.
"I love you," he murmured one last time, then sucking on Sasuke's lobe piercing and tugging his ear.
He leaned forward and kissed Sasuke hungrily but sweetly, and Sasuke reciprocated with equal fervor. Naruto took Sasuke's sex into his free hand, now pumping back and forth.
Once their lips parted, he eagerly kissed down Sasuke's elegant neck. Sasuke leaned his head to the side, allowing full access.
"Yes…" Sasuke moaned. "Just like that."
He moved down Sasuke's neck to his collarbone, then just over the scar on it, covered by one of the phoenix's many feathers. Naruto still had some stamina left in him, but his limit was approaching. This had been a taxing day for him as well, and he craved release.
"Nnngh," Sasuke whimpered. "More…"
Sasuke's toes curled, and precum beaded at the tip of his cock. Naruto tapped the head of his cock with his thumb, right on the metal emerging from his slit. He picked up the pace, ramming deeply into Sasuke now.
"God, Sasuke…" Naruto moaned.
"I can't-" Sasuke began.
Sasuke couldn't restrain himself. He could read Sasuke's body well enough to know that.
"I know," Naruto interrupted. "Let go whenever you're ready."
He'd wait for Sasuke to cum before he allowed himself to do so. From the looks of things, it wouldn't take long.
"Naru…" Sasuke nearly purred, now squeezing Naruto's hand so tightly that it was almost painful.
Tears pricked at the corner of Sasuke's eyes, one of them falling down his cheek. Naruto reached forward, wiping it away as Sasuke began to pant. He felt Sasuke tighten around him, then at last, Sasuke unleashed with an unrestrained moan, his spunk covering both of their stomachs.
"Yes," Naruto moaned. "Sa-Sasuke…"
Several diminishing spurts followed that, and Naruto knew he wouldn't be far behind. He'd held himself back for this long. Sasuke relaxed around him.
"Don't pull out," Sasuke said quickly before Naruto could pull away. "I want you to cum inside of me."
And now Naruto looked at Sasuke's blissed and beautiful face as he made love to him, feverishly heading towards the finish line. Sasuke's full attention was on him now, his hand making its way over Naruto's strong chest, then falling to his lower abs. Sasuke's left fingers were softer than his right, which held his machine almost every day. That smooth, tender touch…
It was all Naruto could take. He released into Sasuke, moaning shamelessly as he did so.
"That's it, love," Sasuke encouraged as another spurt followed.
And then another. He rested his forehead against Sasuke's now, his body tingling with endorphins and bliss. He issued a chaste kiss, their lips pressing against each other but not opening. At last, Naruto pulled out, his spunk seeping out of Sasuke's entrance onto the bed.
He lay down on his back next to Sasuke, who edged up to Naruto and rested on his chest. Naruto wrapped one muscled arm around Sasuke, almost as if protecting him. Sasuke made himself small underneath Naruto's weight.
"Sasuke…" Naruto muttered.
"Hm?"
"Thank you," Naruto replied. "Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for letting me in."
He couldn't imagine how difficult it was for Sasuke to share what he just shared with Naruto. As much as it pained him to hear it, it was a great honor. He hoped that it would help Sasuke heal. His eyes lidded shut as he draped his arm over Naruto's stomach.
"No, thank you," Sasuke murmured. "For never giving up on me. For proving me wrong."
Naruto kissed the peak of Sasuke's head. How had they ever lived without each other for this long?
"Let's call it even."
