Alex walked the stumbling Olivia through her lobby. They got on the elevator and Olivia could barely stand up. Alex guided her into her apartment. Olivia's insides met Alex's toilet bowl. Alex knelt down while Olivia rubbed her back. Olivia finally sat back on the wall. Alex gave Olivia a moist towel to wipe her face. She placed another cold towel behind her neck.

"Are you okay?" Alex softly asked Olivia.

Liv held Alex's hand as the blonde shifted her body next to hers, "I don't know anymore."

"What happened," Alex needed to know what pushed Olivia over the edge to drink.

"Besides walking out on you, besides my mother saying she should have never kept me, that I drove her to drink." Olivia pulled her knees to her chest. Olivia looked at the spinning Alex, "Kathy's pregnant and she never wants to see me again." Olivia's eyes rolled back.

Alex's head went foggy as she heard Olivia say Kathy's name. "When… did she tell you this?" She needed answers.

Olivia gave a drunken smile as she placed her finger on her lips, "I can't tell you. I don't want Alex to be upset." She hit her head against the wall and the whole room became blurry.

Alex gently turned Olivia's cheek to get her to get Olivia to look at her. "Why… Why… would Alex be upset with you?" Alex craved this knowledge a sober Olivia would hold back.

Olivia's eyes looked at the blob near her, "Because I should have stayed with Alex and stayed in her arms. All I want is to be in her arms." Olivia closed her eyes as Alex brushed her hair. "And I went over to Kathy's instead."

Alex fought back her tears, "Why did you go over there?"

"Because I don't want to hurt her. She is so kind and caring. She makes me see that not everyone in this world doesn't let you down. I didn't want to mess her up with my dysfunction."

Olivia's words were cutting Alex's heart. "You don't have dysfunction in your life, you have a warm beautiful heart and everyone can see it. You just don't want anyone in your world."

Olivia kissed the hand and placed it on her chest, "Letting people in just causes heartache. They either leave you, die on you, tell you that they are better off without you. Or they just use you for sex." Olivia cleared her throat. "Why are you here?"

Alex was trying to keep up with the incoherent thoughts, "What do you mean? This is my place."

Olivia opened her half mass eyes, "Why am I here? I don't deserve a caretaker. No one should take care of me, I'm worthless that shouldn't have been born."

"Olivia, don't say that."

"No, maybe I wasn't, my mother would have gotten over what happened to her. And she wouldn't be like this."

"And if you weren't born, You wouldn't have come into my life." Alex's trembling voice choked out.

"Yeah, you are the one thing the universe has gotten right. I don't deserve you." Olivia's eyes closed again.

Alex knew she couldn't ask anymore questions and Olivia was almost asleep. She helped Olivia to bed.


Alex could barely sleep knowing Olivia was in her bed in such terrible shape. She's never heard anyone say that the world would be better off if they were never born. And hearing that Olivia was afraid of hurting Alex meant a lot.

Olivia slept longer than she is used to being in bed. They still managed to hold hands throughout the night. Alex loved how peaceful Olivia looked asleep. She started to trace her finger back and forth on Olivia's forehead.

The soft feeling of Alex's finger and the pounding feeling of her head, Olivia slowly opened her eyes. Her eyes met the blue eyes waking up. She could have the world stop right there, and would love waking up this way. She doesn't remember what happened from the previous night. She knows her history, "Did I hurt you last night?"

Alex smiled as she stopped playing Olivia's forehead, "Last night? No. This week yeah." Alex confessed.

Olivia looked around to see she wasn't in her room, "Did I take advantage of you?" Olivia feared being blacked out drunk having her way with Alex.

"Shhh." Alex's heart melted as Olivia woke up and asked about her well being. "You would never do such a thing."

Olivia sighed out as she sat up even though her head was still pounding and the room was spinning, "Then what am I doing here?"

"What is the last thing you remember?" Alex sat up and reached over to her nightstand for her bottle of water and ibuprofen and acetaminophen mix in her hand.

"I don't know, I had waffles yesterday." Olivia looked down as Alex handed her the water and pills.

Alex played with Olivia's upper ear area, "So you don't remember anything last night?"

Olivia looked at blue eyes slightly lost, "No, are you sure you're okay." Alex's gut felt guilty that Olivia didn't remember any of their conversation in front of the toilet. Olivia watched Alex nod with a smile, "So you took care of me?"

"Is there any other option? Take them please."

"Yeah, treat me like everyone does. Don't help me and leave." Olivia took the mixture.

Alex's heart still broke hearing Olivia talk like that sober, "And risk you not being in my life anymore? No way not worth it." Alex smiled at Olivia, "You're way too valuable to me."

Olivia looked back at Alex, "Thank you. You don't know how much I needed to hear that."

"So… do you want to talk about what happened? And why did you start drinking?" Alex massaged Olivia's neck.

"I…" Olivia looked down at her watch to see it's past nine, "Why are you here? Why aren't you at the rink?" Olivia looked back at Alex who never misses a practice.

"I didn't go. I needed to make sure you were okay." Alex confessed knowing she was off anyways, knowing figuring out what is going on with Olivia was more important.

"No, Why would you do that?" Olivia has never heard anyone give up something for her. She jumped out of the bed as the room still was spinning.

"Because You're not okay." Alex quickly hopped out of bed to stand in front of her door. "And I need to know that you will be okay."

"Alex move out of the way, I'm not going to cause your Olympic dream." Olivia stood in front of Alex. Alex laughed at Olivia's comment, "What's so funny."

"You, thinking I will lose nationals from missing one practice. You forget I'm good. And you not speaking to me is more damaging than missing a day of practice." Alex admitted to Olivia, who was refusing to look at Alex.

"I'm sorry, Alex you really don't…"

Alex smiled at the girl of her dreams, "Shhh… Close your eyes." Olivia gave a questionable look, "Just do it." Olivia slowly closed her eyes in response to Alex's command. "Okay now lift your arms." she said in a soothing voice. Olivia knew she couldn't argue with Alex and complied to her demands. Alex slowly walked into her arms. She wrapped her arms around Olivia. "I trust you completely." She whispered in Olivia's ears.

Olivia lowered her arms to close the embrace. Her entire body was racing. Her mind was out of control, she trusted Alex and wanted to stay in this room with Alex holding her. Her fears wanted to pull away from the room. "Alex," Her voice choked out as tears formed in her eyes, "You really shouldn't."

Alex refused to let go. She didn't want to leave this embrace not just for her but for the woman that thinks no one cares about her. "I don't care what I should or shouldn't do. I trust you with my life and I know you would never hurt me."

Alex was making Olivia feel unusual. The feeling of being wanted wasn't normal. "Why?" Her guard didn't know what to do.

Alex adjusted the hug for her to look into Olivia's brown eyes, "Because you make me feel safe, and the fact you are so sure that you will hurt me means you won't."

Olivia could hear everything Alex was tell her, "I don't know how to be in a relationship and sex ends up ruining everything." Olivia was finally being honest with Alex.

"That's okay I haven't been in a relationship since I was seventeen," She smiled playing with Olivia's hair, "We won't put any labels on us until you are ready. And as for sex. As much as I really want you, we can wait until you're ready." Olivia was shocked hearing Alex so assured. "I just need you in my life, I can't bear you not speaking to me again."

"I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. You could… Always kiss me and make it better." Her fingers ran through Olivia's hair. Olivia paused for a moment, "Unless you don't like ki…" Olivia dove her tongue in Alex's mouth to start a passionate kiss.

Olivia pulled them back to sit down on Alex's bed. Alex straddled Olivia. They both felt right in each other's arms. Olivia loved the feeling of Alex's silky pajamas on her hands. "You know...I'm too… messed up… in the head..." she explained in between kisses.

Alex knew everything she needed to know about Olivia. She was right she could trust Olivia with her whole life and Olivia would do what she could to protect her. Alex pushed Olivia down on her back. "Olivia." She tried to catch her breath in between all the kissing. "I don't care. I trust you." She fell forward brushing her nose next to Olivia. "Now, next you won't shut me out?" She pecked her lips.

Olivia really wanted to be honest, but also didn't know how to not pull away, "I want to be as honest with you as possible but I don't know…"

"I don't want you to change, but at least tell me you are okay and I didn't do anything wrong when you go off the grid." She played with her hair.

Olivia smiled at the concern of Alex, and really wanted to try with Alex. "I can do that."

"Thank you." Alex locked her legs with Olivia's legs as she shifted them to their sides, "So last week when I invited you to Skate America next month, did you think about it?"

"Not really. But I wasn't thinking clearly at all." She leaned in for a kiss.

Alex pulled back, "You and me in Vegas. Pool time, gambling time, be the only person in the audience I need." She smiled at the thought of them being together.

"It's not just you and I, there will be Donnelly, Abbie, Serena, Sonny, and Rafael." Olivia pointed out.

"He's going? See if Rafael can go so can you. And it will be just us in the room." She raised her eyebrows. "And I'll make sure you will have a first class ticket next to me."

"First class? That is one way to butter me up?" Olivia laughed.

"So." Alex kissed Olivia's cheek, "Is… that… a yes?" She kissed down Olivia's neck.

"I suppose, I can figure things out."

"Yeah?" Alex asked in a high pitched voice. Olivia nodded to Alex's question. Alex started another kiss. Olivia broke the kiss as they laid there in silence. She was gazing into Alex's eyes. She played with Alex's soft blonde hair. "What?" She softly asked.

"For what?"

"For showing me that at least someone cares about me in this world." She confessed.

Alex nudged closer, "Well, you better get used to it because you deserve the world and more. Now can you please stop talking and kiss me." She's been waiting since they first met to command her so casually to kiss her.

"Oh okay sure." Olivia smiled pulling Alex in for another gentle but passionate kiss.


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