Chapter 24: Blue-Eyed Strangers and Red-Haired Wizard
May 7, 2000
Continuation
After Hermione cried her heart out on her cold floor, she crawled to her bathroom and torched herself under a very hot shower to cover the burning pain in her heart as she cried some more. When she needed to remove herself from the scalding water, she buried herself under her sheets as the tears continued in earnest. Body curved into a tight ball, her mind paraded none other but images of her and Minerva making love from that very first time until the one they had earlier. But the treasured memories were proving to be heavy assaults against her disintegrated heart, so she decided to escape furthermore, and headed to a muggle bar with every intention to get smashed.
Even though she never had more than a short glass of hard alcohol in her entire life, she had gotten a fine bottle of whisky and settled in one isolated booth. There, she took one swing after another as she attempted to numb the agony from the rejections and restrictions riddled in her heart of loving one Minerva McGonagall… And contemplated how she was very much fucked…
For one, she was certain that to 'un-love' the woman was much harder than getting herself to replace Kingsley Shacklebolt as head Minister. Or gaining elves their rights for compensation and encompassing liberty even though their general kind do not want to have any…
But to continue loving the woman was nothing but carving herself with a deeper scar. Evidently, Minerva could not afford to shed her role for more than a handful of moments— notwithstanding the complication if the woman even wanted to be with her... like really be with her in a 'whole-nine-yards' of being together…
Hermione took a deep sigh at how truly fucked she was… Shot after shot, she glugged her whisky and ignored the burning line that cut down her throat every time… Because she had decided that the one in her heart was way more excruciating…
Later when she was on her way to be obliterated, out of nowhere, a muggle man went to sit opposite her. Despite her inebriated state, Hermione could see that his blue eyes (as far as she could tell sans the alcohol bloodshot level) had shed more tears than she had, at least for the night.
"Drinking your heart out? Than crying hah?"
The unnamed blue-eyed man started. And Hermione was all out of fight to shoo him away that a nod was simpler.
"Do you have a git of a husband making you devote yourself to that fine bottle…? I have a whore of a wife who made me reconnect to my love of wine after bottle after bottle."
Hermione mentally processed what the man was revealing to her, and she silently answered his question, I have a disease named loving Minerva, and am attempting to cure myself… This bottle is where I begin... To numb the ache…
The man did not mind that she did not actually say anything in response. She merely took another shot, which the man seemed to have accepted as a suitable answer to his query. Then he did the same act of sending himself into oblivion by directly drinking from his own bottle of wine… And in apparent accord, they blankly watched one another, and drank some more in silent solidarity…
Shortly, another blue-eyed stranger sat down across from her, beside the first blue-eyed invader. This one though, was completely sober. And completely worried, exasperated, and contrite for the intrusion… And this one was a she.
"Come on brother, let's not bother this lady." The second intruder directed her words to the one who first gatecrashed Hermione's party for one.
"Oh no sis, I'm not bothering this gorgeous lady. We're sharing a bleakness…as we burn belief in the bloody idea of love… And hope that at least the sky will still be blue tomorrow."
"Why you became a doctor was beyond me when you can spit such strings of words?"
"Why else? But I followed your footsteps, big sister."
Hermione kept on drinking as she sat back silently and watched such free entertainment drop in front of her. At least an intermission from thinking about her own bleakness…
"Oh Lec, had you truly followed me, you wouldn't fall for that wife of yours..."
"Oh Lea, you mean like you fell for your insecure boyfriend who still has not grown a spine to marry you? Is he still catching up with your achievements to even your status before he does? That would not happen, sis. He doesn't have a tenth of your brilliance. You need another lover who could match you in every which way…and I bet even in bed he's far from giving you satisfaction!"
Damn, she's straight, but maybe it won't matter.
Hermione thought and she subsequently choked. Hermione could not tell if her congestion was due to the burning acid of alcohol that went the wrong way, or the fact that her subconscious was already sizing up the woman to be taken home later and make Hermione forget about one Minerva McGonagall.
The blue-eyed woman, named Lea, quickly handed her a bottle of water and a clean napkin. And as she got through her choking, she realized that the woman had transferred to her side and actually aided her in cleaning up her spill.
"I can tell that you're not used to drinking, darling."
Hermione froze at the endearment. And to her horror, she felt hot tracks of fresh tears on her face, which the kind woman gently wiped without saying a word.
"I'm sorry, she— she would call me that." Hermione threw the explanation and drowned a double shot. And shook her head wildly in an attempt to disconnect with her apparent moment of brokenness.
"Oh darn, you play for our team!"
Moping words uttered by an equally drunk man brought Hermione a jolt of realization of how she just outed herself to complete blue eyed strangers— apparently to siblings called Lec and Lea… Who were both quite good-looking, truth be told.
"Lec, shut-it."
"What? I was really hoping this gorgeous lady and I could find comfort later in bed."
"Oh Lec, please—"
"Oh sis—"
"I was thinking that your sister could comfort me actually…." Hermione blurted before she could stop herself and owing to her drunken state, she pushed forward and drowned the protest of her heart, the one screaming the name Minerva McGonagall.
"Jesus sis, even now the universe is still favoring you over me."
"You are handsome. Just not my cup of tea…" Hermione drunkenly told the blue-eyed man before shifting once more towards the blue-eyed woman, "However, you— yea, you know, you have a semblance of her… Imposing height… I can tell of an amazingly fit body… obvious smooth skin… delicious jaw and even her silky hair… except— your eyes."
"Oh, my eyesight is too poor from medical research over the years," Lea laughingly responded in a clear effort to deflect uneasiness from the turn of the conversation.
Hermione smile sadly before she quietly confessed, "While yours are intensely blue, like your brother's… Mi— hers are the most impossible emeralds… that turn into breathtaking glassy ones when we make love…" Hermione added almost in a whisper, "Truly breathtaking emeralds that have long imprisoned my body, my mind, my soul… my heart…"
"Why are you not losing your breath right now over these impossible emeralds…? Instead of attaching yourself with such a bottle that you are almost done with, darling?"
Hermione expelled a long breath upon hearing 'darling' once again. She could not answer the kind woman beside her right now, for she had long warned herself of the fucked reality of her situation, which she could not drag herself away from…
Then she could not smother her laughter even if she had tried to when suddenly a loud snoring sound came out from Lec who had fallen into the land of oblivion on the table.
"Oh, brother…" Lea muttered in embarrassment. "We were due to leave many drinks ago but I could not make him go. And after I went to the loo, I found him here with you." She explained to Hermione. "I'll give him a few minutes before I wake him up and drag him home… Can we drop you home?"
"Do you want to take me home?" Hermione wickedly countered with different meaning, even if everything within her just protested at what she had insinuated.
Hermione watched as blue eyes briefly darted to the snoring brother before they returned and focused on hers. She was caught by surprise at the intensity turned on her, and she covered her irresolute feeling by drowning another shot, and the sharp strike in her head reminded her that she definitely had too many already…
And then a thumb lightly wiped the corner of her lips and all it brought Hermione was the most grievous longing for Minerva's touch.
"I wonder if your intoxication has blinded you from seeing the glaring age difference between us, of perhaps more than a decade gap?"
Hermione snorted, "Certainly less than the difference between me and Mi— her… Believe me…"
"I see…"
"So, are you taking me home? Make me forget her?" Hermione asked again as the thumping of heart revolted, and her body actually swayed away a little.
Once again, blue eyes shot a look at a snoring brother before a hand that steadied Hermione's shoulder a second ago had creeped up to palm her cheek and gently demanded her entire attention.
"Darling, if I was not in a relationship, I would definitely bring you home tonight... I'd admit that I can't help but find you absolutely beautiful. And obviously a wonderful person for not tossing Lec when he intruded on your party for one. Not to mention my own intrusion… I think, I would love to make you breakfast in bed and keep you there indefinitely… But here is my question— do you really want to forget her?"
The question indeed.
Even Hermione's alcohol muddled brain told her that no sane person would burst out to a complete stranger, but the damn blue-eyed woman's caring gesture and her posted question finally pierced the mark that unlatched her emotions. She found herself enveloped in an embrace as she cried her heart out.
"I hate her bloody emeralds' impregnable barricades when they come up… Because I want her to open up to me… I hate that I am no match to any of her self-sufficiency and self-control… Because I want her to need me… I hate that I am a coward to demand for her love… Because all I need is her love…"
Hermione could not care now that she was pouring her heart out to a blue-eyed stranger… She needed to bring out the burden of loving Minerva McGonagall, as it had been causing havoc inside her for the last two years… And in her world, there was no one she could go to… especially not her best friends… Thus, for a while she continued to blabber in the kind arms of a blue-eyed woman.
"And I hate that you are right that I do not want to forget her… And I am bloody fooling myself… because you can crucio me all you want, but I will not stop loving her. I would probably face two voldemorts if that's what it would take to make her love me back… No, not probably— but surely. And not just two evils, maybe tens or hundreds. And they can carve mudblood all they want into me if I get to love her freely and get her love in return as freely... I'm a bloody, bloody fool."
"Darling, you are not making sense—"
"Hermione… My name is Hermione… She would call me 'darling' when we were alone... and… and…" she choked in her own tears as memories assaulted her, especially of their last afternoon's indulgence.
"Hermione, you are not a fool. Just completely in love with your woman."
"She is not my woman. She is not anybody's. The woman is NOT for anyone's taking. I knew that and still I could not stop myself… That night when I first kissed her and she kissed me back and made love to me, I felt— it was the same thing for her as it was for me… but two years after, she still… Why won't she love me back?"
"How do you know she doesn't love you? Did she actually tell you?" Asked Lea with her intense blue eyes seizing her brown ones. "You do know that saying 'I love you' is not the only manner to convey love? For I will confess to you that I myself was never big on saying those words. Perhaps, her and I have the same belief of expressing love—with actions and not mere words…"
Likely due to her drunken state, Hermione snorted at the statement while fresh tears leaked out from her brown eyes as she responded, "Perhaps. Except when I told her 'I love you', it resulted in the most frightening face I ever seen from her. You would have thought she was dueling the dark lord. But even then against Voldemort, I remembered her face was without fright."
"What do you mean with— never mind… Hermione, maybe she does... Maybe she doesn't. But does that change the fact that you love her?"
"No… Never." Hermione admitted and drowned the remaining content of her bottle. And she could feel the edge of a black pit touching her like a welcome company… But a warm breath over her face was pulling her back…
"Hermione… Don't pass out on me… Wake up…"
"Huh...? Are you sure you don't want to take me home tonight? Or can I take you home instead?" Hermione slurred and a stronger feel of dusk enveloped her.
Then images of Minerva paraded inside her head… One when the woman was laughing with abandon when Hermione told of her boggart story… Another when the woman first let her see her cry when narrating her war scars and sufferings… Another when the woman's emerald eyes widened in grievousness during her very first action for physical intimacy… Then the same emeralds turned glassy when they made love…
"Hermione… Wake up…"
"Mione…?"
Hermione fought the fog and her mind slipped back into a pool full of Minerva… Minerva standing at her bookcases and laughing about her 7-year old stubbornness to read a French book… Of Minerva in muggle clothes… Of Minerva staring at her like she was just content to do so… Of Minerva calling her 'Mione'… Of Minerva in utter rapture…
Then a hard shake on her shoulders dispersed the images and Hermione tried to focus and listen to the accompanying supplication.
"Hey Hermione… Hermione… I need you to open your eyes."
Hermione wanted to ignore the call for her to be awake. She wanted to remain tossing around in her head with the many memories of Minerva. She wanted to not feel the pain of rejection and concentrate on Minerva's beautiful face and tender gazes… But the one rousing her from the delicious conscious abandonment was relentless, and she could no longer snub it.
Two pairs of blue eyes met her half-conscious self and it took her quite some time to arrive in a coherent state and absorb the words being said to her. And after the greatest effort to concentrate on her surroundings, she emerged and remembered that she was still out drinking her pain…
Then somehow, she recognized two concerned pairs of blue eyes fixated on her. One set was from the beautiful and kind woman called Lea whom she met over an hour ago with her brother Lec, who was still snoring across from her. The other set of blue eyes was very familiar…
"Ron…? Ron!" She spluttered in surprise.
"She knows me, all right now?"
"Silly, course I do…" Hermione stammered as she swayed in absolute drunkenness, trying to comprehend the ongoing dialogue between her long time friend and newly met friend.
"Hermione, I just need to make sure. You do really know him?" asked Lea carefully.
"Yep. Lea, he is one of my best friends. He's infuriatingly childish sometimes but had willingly thrown himself again and again in front of me and Harry against evil…"
"Please Hermione, pay attention for a moment and tell me the truth. Is he who you think he is? Do I allow him to take you home? Because he said he has been looking for you?"
"Awww, Ron… I don't deserve you… Even if I screamed and insulted you earlier, you still went looking for me? You are really a best friend!"
"Of course, Mione! Harry and I have been running around trying to find you the last couple of hours…"
"Harry?" asked Hermione timidly and she cowered at recalling what she had spat at him in the Burrow's kitchen.
"Once we found you here, he asked that I take care of getting you home. And that I make sure you stay home."
"He is angry at me, isn't he?"
"Scared to death with worry for you, Mione."
"I hurt him… I hurt you… I was… I am…" Hermione started but the entirely consumed bottle of whisky finally caught up in her entire system and she could no longer fight, but surrendered to the inviting vacuum and let blankness take over…
Several times, she tried to arise from limbo, but every time, she was assaulted by her own abusive words that she had imparted that afternoon to the very woman she loved above all…
Was an afternoon fuck too early for you…?
Oh is it because you fucking reached your quota today when you came inside me?
After all, this is turning out to be our annual fuck?
Our commemorative shag…?
In her oblivion, Hermione pleaded for forgiveness… And recited again and again how she loved Minerva… How she would do everything and anything for the woman… How she was willing to accept whatever that could be thrown by the woman rather than entirely have nothing, which she could not bear… She pleaded to Merlin and all the gods and goddesses that Minerva would still want her despite the cruel things she had said… Hermione promised whatever power out there that she would understand the space and detachment all year round so long as Minerva would go to her when the woman could afford to... She whimpered of how she would wait for years and years if that would entail having a chance with Minerva… Anything to have a chance…
Come morning, her set alarm went off and she scurried to shut it off… Blindly she rushed out of her bed to go to her bathroom and just made it a second before she could make a mess as she vomited from her drinking binge last night…
If she was not so preoccupied with heaving against her toilet, she would have screamed and hexed the person who appeared behind her, who held her hair and soothed her aching back as she emptied her stomach of toxins.
When Hermione wiped her face after washing it with cold water, she finally faced the caring person and found Ron. Apparently, he had taken her home last night and stayed over to look after her… But before she could say something, she was beaten with a series of instructions and pronouncements.
"Drink this water. Take these two potions for your headache and stomach. Have a cold shower. Breakfast will be ready when you are done. And I don't want objections, Hermione, just bloody do it…"
About thirty minutes later, head and stomach a bit better from the cold shower and potions' initial effect, she entered her kitchen. There, she confirmed that indeed her red-haired wizard of a best friend was in her flat. Who had commanded her earlier to get herself into some state of order... And now, had set a simple breakfast in front of her…
"Ron, I need to go to work—"
"I sent an owl to your staff that you'll show up after lunch…" Ron interrupted her and then pointed to a chair, "Sit and eat."
Eating was not exactly agreeable with Hermione's groaning stomach, but before she could argue, Ron again beat her…
"Eat even a little so you can take another dose of potion to completely relieve your hangover. Because blimey, Mione, you need your brain for the confession you're going to make…"
Bloody hell.
Hermione knew there was no way she could escape the interrogation that was coming and all she could do was delay it… As she slowly ate her breakfast and ignored Ron's piercing stare, she thought back of what exactly she had blurted in her plastered condition last night… What she could recall was not really comforting, and made her extremely apprehensive at the coming question-and-answer portion. Her jaw clenched in tension for all the follies she had committed in the last 12 hours, but she knew she had to face the consequences.
The minute she put down the potion container after consuming its contents, Ron began without ambiguity.
"The Minerva you called in your sleep, whom you were begging to love you back is Minerva McGonagall? THE Minerva MCGONAGALL, Hogwarts Headmistress, Transfiguration Master amongst all, and possibly most powerful witch right now, right?"
Hermione winced. And then to her utmost distress, she could do nothing against the gathered tears in her brown eyes, which immediately raced down her cheeks. She felt Ron move and pull her into a tight embrace, where she buried her face in his chest. She cried and cried, and in between she started unveiling the chronicle of loving one Minerva McGonagall…
She told Ron of her confusion at Hogwarts that began somewhere in fourth or fifth year… Her aching self-admission of her identity in the midst of war— and of who had captured her heart in its truest sense… Her terror at the knowledge that both of them might not survive the war, especially Minerva who was residing with death eaters at Hogwarts... Of her pride and fright during Hogwarts' battle when Minerva took up the primary mantle to help Harry and fight against evil… That the moment it was over she pursued the woman but only awakened at the vast disparity between herself and the woman she was in love with… For without Dumbledore, the witch had no more cloak and it propelled her to be her true self, thus referred as THE witch amongst all...
Without really sifting her thoughts, Hermione accounted to Ron of the golden fate that she was presented with two years ago after the ceremony on Hogwarts grounds. Of how it led her to see, and be with the real Minerva— without 'THE MCGONAGALL' façade…
"Ron, I always knew she was wonderful but I had no idea how truly wonderful she was. The little time I spent with that woman, just Minerva, I had no chance not to fall for her further..."
Hermione continued to tell Ron of what she had found out last year; of Minerva's support that made it possible for her to have the apprenticeship with Filius and Klyde despite the woman's overflowing responsibilities at Hogwarts and the Ministry... Of how these things ignited hope in her heart that maybe Minerva loved her too…
She even divulged to Ron of the physical intimacy she had shared with the woman and the glassy emeralds that would drown her... And then their ambiguous agreement about the roles and responsibilities stacked between them for being 'Minerva McGonagall' and 'Hermione Granger'...
Finally, she told him of how she had lost it yesterday after being with Minerva and telling the woman 'I love you' and the woman's frightened reaction, thus explaining her foolishness at the Burrow…
"I'm so sorry Ron for what I said to you last night… I was being eaten by awful insecurities and pain, and I had no excuse for the lashing out I did to you and Harry… Gods, I'm so sorry… I don't deserve you and Harry… I was so cruel and the things I said are completely unforgivable…"
For a good while, she soaked Ron's shirt with her tears and her red haired best friend let her… But when her crying had eventually subsided, and she had a glass of water to somehow calm down, she silently waited for her best friend's reaction. Ron, for once, was lost for immediate words as he seemingly processed what she had revealed to him…
When the silence went on and on and considering it was Ron, she squirmed in her seat and ultimately decided to head on her fear— of how she had lost her best friend for telling him who she was …
"Ron, do you now want nothing to do with me?"
"What?"
"Are you disgusted? I just told you I am gay… And… and if you don't want to be friends anymore, it would break my heart. But I would not want to force you to keep this friendship if you cannot accept who I am."
"Hermione… We conquered a bloody war. Do you really think there's anything left to threaten our friendship?"
"Ron…" Hermione took a deep breath and controlled the tears from spilling once again. But she knew it was important that she left nothing unturned about this fundamental matter about her.
"Do you understand that for many, I am not a 'normal' person?"
She watched Ron as he wiped his face of the cringe that appeared on it and noted his stooping form at the ugly reality. She was very much aware of how she was forcing laying down the notion on the table because she knew Ron, and she had long guessed that that was how her best friend thought about someone being gay. Not because he was a bad person, but because though his family may be very poor, they were of the traditional type and Ron was definitely raised on a certain 'norm'…
"Ron, this… about me… is something many are still not accepting, and are even appalled by… Even your family could possibly not understand this and I would understand that. But I cannot pretend to you that this will go away, because it will not… because—"
"Mione—"
"It means that I would never want to be with a man in the expected capacity that you would want to be with a woman… Like Harry with Ginny… Ron, I am gay… I'm also sorry I did not tell you before today. But honestly, I wasn't ready because I didn't want to handle its complications. And I am so scared to lose you—"
"Hermione! You will not lose me! We're best friends! Don't you know that I really feel like you're my sister...?" Ron intersected and had his blue eyes focused on her before he continued, "I get that you fancy witches… Or rather ONE witch… And of all— it's THE WITCH!"
Hermione could not help the sob that passed her lips and the fresh tears that cascaded down her face… The vulnerability evoked in her with the admission was proving to be too much for her tender emotions…
"Come here…" Ron pulled her back into an embrace as he carried on telling her of what he truly thought… "Honestly Mione, while you blabbered in your sleep, I could already put one thing after the other… I mean, I was shocked to hear the things coming from you in your drunkenness… At first, I could not understand why you called Minerva again and again in your unconsciousness. I guess my mind could not catch up right away. But with the night, and this morning while I waited for you to fully wake-up, I have had time to ready myself…"
"Oh Ron… I have long dreaded the day you'd find out and tell me that you can't be friends with me anymore because I am repulsive for loving… for loving Mi— a witch…"
"You mean, for loving Minerva…?"
Hermione could just hear the loud thrumming of her chest but she finally nodded at Ron for confirmation. "I do love her, Ron… And it is unlike Harry's love for her... I am in love with her— with Minerva... Want and need her... And I do want to marry her if she would have me..."
"Honestly, that fact— that your witch is Minerva McGonagall is more of a shock than anything else…" Ron expelled a breath. "And then, when I truly thought about it… let it sink in… it was not really a shock… Probably because I've known you since we were 11... I mean, I'm stunned, but not really... You know what I mean…?"
Hermione half laughed and half cried as she nodded… Merlin did she understand what Ron meant… And then she felt Ron wipe the renewed tears that fell from her brown eyes…
For several minutes they were unable to say more, as obviously both were crunching on things that they had spoken out loud… Then she chewed on her lips when suddenly Ron took her arm, and tenderly stroked the slight but still ugly scar on it.
"Mione, how impossible were the requisites to counter this?" Ron indicated to her scar.
Hermione narrated to Ron the three requisites to break Bellatrix's personal curse. Of how Draco Malfoy brought them to her door one night. And that despite how it was the Slytherin's ultimate decision to carve himself and obviously her eventual acceptance, it was not lost on both of them how they were all orchestrated by one Minerva McGonagall. That without the woman's actions, it would not have ever happened. Ron nodded after she finished her account, and again lapsed into silence, which made Hermione unsure, for it was so unlike Ron to not immediately say something…
"Ron—" Hermione started but Ron simply waved her off.
"I don't know MG in a very personal way… I mean, I tried to see her as less of an imposing figure because of Harry's influence and her huge help with George. Plus, mom always spoke of her in an affectionate way because I think her brothers were somewhat close to MG..."
Vaguely, Hermione remembered Minerva's account of how the woman considered one of her sorrows the time she had left Molly's brothers who got killed that night, because she answered to help Dumbledore and Amelia Bones against a death eater attack at St. Mungos. She was internally debating if she would be breaking Minerva's confidence if she told Ron of it, but then her attention was pulled by Ron's quite solemn words...
"But I am not Harry... And I am not George... So she is still— she's 'McGonagall' for me, you know… So I can't really say what or how she truly feels about you, Mione… But based on what you told me, of what she has done for you, I would like to think that you do mean so very much to her…"
"I hope, Ron, but I don't know… The moment the war ended, she was hard on 'fixing' everything and everybody. And she has not stopped doing so… So it is easy to misinterpret her actions…"
"Maybe... But I know that she was very concerned, almost angry, at how your parents were not back here in the country after they got back their memories…"
"How do you know that?" Hermione's mind burned with curiosity.
"I heard MG talk to my parents about it—"
"She talked to your parents about my parents?" Hermione gasped.
"Yeah. One Sunday early in the morning she came to the Burrow… It was last year, I think… I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I heard your name and so I listened a bit. MG asked Mom if it was one of her kids that wiped their memories in order to protect them, would they hold out reconciliation the way your parents are doing…?"
"She asked your parents that?" Hermione asked disbelievingly.
"Yeah, MG wanted to know if it was a 'muggle' or 'parent' thing. But I can tell that she was almost cursing how your parents were missing the fact that what you've done was to protect their lives, despite the pain that plagued you… And how they should be proud of how you are a war hero that every magical person now admires. How your brilliance, loyalty, and sacrifice were a big part of how we won the war… Instead, your parents were punishing you for it..."
"What?" Hermione was completely floored with the information.
"Come on, Mione... There is a reason why they branded you the 'Golden Brain'... And really, it was not hard to understand that Harry had no chance without you… We told you that last year... And did you really not think that important people would not get that? Of course Ministry officers knew, Kingsley especially. So when MG asked him to prioritize finding your parents in Australia, and have their best Australian comrades on the mission, he would do so obviously."
"She asked Kingsley to prioritize finding my parents?"
Ron nodded, "Not that Minister Kingsley minded. Of course that's the least the Ministry could do for you. And again, I don't think Kingsley would have wanted to disappoint Minerva McGonagall..."
"How do you know this, Ron?"
"When you asked for permission to travel abroad to look for your parents, they were actually already on it. And I know this because before you told us, Harry and I were already approached by Kingsley, asked what we knew of your parents. They just wanted to get a good head start before telling you. And they were serious too about protecting you— us from the still on the loose loyal followers of Voldemort. We were still high targets for them to kill, perhaps all the more…in revenge for our roles with Harry."
Ron paused and seemed to search his memory for something, while Hermione also dived into her brain, remembering how Minerva intently listened to her last year at her parents' house as she 'updated' the woman of her parents' whereabouts. She could recall how she thought she saw a moment of confusion in Minerva's face when she revealed that her parents were still in Australia.
"And then I can't remember what Susan Bones and I were chatting about..." Ron resumed talking and Hermione's heart jolted again at his continued discourse. "But somehow, Susan mentioned seeing the Headmistress at St. Mungos talking to the Head Healer. And by chance she caught the words 'travel to Australia as it would be less complicated than to go home with a still lost memory'... Later, much later, I kind of put them together that it was about your parents… Wait, you didn't know this…? I thought you knew! I mean, you traveled with St. Mungos Head Healer to Australia, right?"
"I thought it was just the Minister, on behalf of the Ministry... Like what you said, a gesture of 'thanks' for our roles during the war."
Hermione released a breath she did not realise she was holding. And her heart started curling with hope... Once again, she was finding out how Minerva went out of her way to do something for her... For her... Her heart dangerously flirted with the concept that Minerva possibly loved her... Except the woman, from decades and decades of being alone and self-sufficient, did not know to simply say so?
She felt Ron's hand on her shoulder and then she heard him verbalise her thoughts…
"Maybe she does love you, Mione…"
She could not help but shudder. And shudder more with Ron's follow-up.
"Maybe you should just ask her?"
"No, Ron! I can't just ask her that."
"What if she simply doesn't know how to tell you?" Ron asked and then added, "And I would not be surprised. Hermione, she's McGonagall! You can't deny how she is known as one of the most closed off people... You've heard how people have regarded her privacy. As if it's easier to get out of Azkaban than get inside McGonagall's personal space... Maybe she needs you to ask her..."
"Ron, what if this is mere wishful thinking… What if she just wants me with our current arrangement?"
"What? You sound as if you don't believe that you are good enough—"
"She's McGonagall, Ron! No one is good enough. And most of all, what if she doesn't want— need my love?" Hermione dejectedly argued.
"Then she does not deserve you Hermione!" Ron slowly responded but his tone was of pure conviction. "You are more than good enough. And if she thinks otherwise, then you need to get away from her."
"But Ron!" Hermione feebly replied, "I don't think I could bear not having her—"
"Are you the Hermione Granger that I know?"
"It's just that... even our brief togetherness, I'd rather have… than have her regard me as merely Ms. Granger! And barricading me with all her damn walls! I love her that much Ron… And I fear not having anything from her..."
"I can't believe you're a Gryffindor... And yeah, the same with her, I think she's also not facing this authentically. And you call yourselves Gryffindors!"
"Believe me Ron, she is a pure Gryffindor." Hermione intuitively defended Minerva's character. "You have no idea how our combined courage, including Harry's, would pale in comparison with what she went through during three wars…"
"Oh... Okay… Still, for me that would make her a stupid Gryffindor for not knowing how lucky she is that Hermione Granger loves her! And you know, despite knowing she's the most powerful witch, it makes me want to call her out for a duel for putting you in this kind of... of whatever is this..."
Hermione couldn't quite decide if she ought to cry or laugh at her red-haired wizard best friend's brave pronouncements… But she could definitely feel the love and loyalty and she knew that these were the things that made her one lucky witch when they bonded over a troll incident when they were 11 year olds…
"I mean, even if she can transfigure me into a toad in a blink, I reckon Harry would step up as well to second me and fight against her for hurting you—"
"Harry doesn't know about Minerva!" Hermione could feel the panic rising inside her at her red-haired best friend's implied statement. "Ron, last year, I did tell him that I'm gay. But not about Minerva! Ron, you CAN'T tell Harry!"
"Are you crazy, Mione? I can't keep that from him… You know I could never keep anything from you and Harry! Obviously, you two have left me in dark about your splinching and that you already admitted to him about you— yourself… But I can't…"
"I'm really sorry, Ron, for not telling you. I was really, really afraid that I would lose you... And when I told Harry, it was really because he had me backed in a corner, sort of… But he still does not know the story. He does not even know that the real reason I splinched was because I was running from Minerva's rejection…"
"Still, Mione, I can't keep this from Harry! When he brought your potions this morning, I was glad he did not say or ask anything, but I know it will only be a matter of time before he asks me about this drunken incident of yours."
"Harry was here?"
"Yes, he brought your potions, took a second to look at you and then left… Mione, he will ask me for sure. What will I say to him? I can't lie to him, Mione…"
"Ron, Harry cannot know! I can't do that to Harry!"
"Do what? Tell him the truth?"
"Damage Harry's relationship with Minerva… You can see how he has taken to her like family, like an older sister or something, right? Everybody can see that! He's very happy and proud of his new relationship with Minerva... of how the woman welcomes him anytime… I'm actually happy for both of them. I do know it's made a world of difference for them, as they've been 'family-less' for a long time… So, I WILL NOT put a wedge in that relationship."
"Why would telling Harry the truth damage that? Maybe he would help?"
"Exactly Ron, Harry would try to help because he loves Minerva and he loves me. And he would draw a simple line like it was that easy… And it would not help at all… Please believe me… I KNOW Minerva… She would bring forth all her bloody walls and keep us all out… including Harry. Because she would think that she had to 'give' Harry to me completely and take herself out of the equation for everyone's happiness… That is what Minerva would do, and I know it. Harry would not understand the barricade and would get hurt… I don't want to take Minerva away from him…"
"What the hell...? That's bloody screwed, Mione."
"It is what it is… It would be a disaster, not just with Harry... But think of the risk if this got out... Can you imagine how it would be for our society to know that Minerva- well, you know... slept with me? I mean, you said it Ron, she's 'THE WITCH', she's McGonagall! Many thought that she was with Dumbledore but she never was and still, people believed that... And her position now is of utmost importance. She has stepped into Dumbledore's place, but without her own 'Minerva' to provide such great back-up."
"Oh bloody hell..."
"You know I am right…" Hermione sought Ron's one hand. "Besides, I don't think Harry would ask you, he would ask me directly."
"What would you tell him?"
"He won't ask now… He will wait for me to be ready to tell him…"
"Then you better be bloody ready, Mione."
"I know…"
After Ron was convinced that she was all right, he finally left her to get ready for work. On the way to the Ministry, she stopped at the owl post and sent the short note she wrote for Harry.
. . .
Dear Harry,
I am so dumb. Please forgive me?
Love, Hermione
. . .
Every minute at the Ministry, she devoted her mind and energy, working and working until finally Ron's note arrived at her in-tray that told her to go home and rest and not to forget to have dinner. And attached was a package containing a roast beef sandwich, which was Ron's favorite with another note that said exactly so, but that he wanted her to have it instead of her usual bland toast. She did eat it and for another hour, she continued working until she knew that she had to leave or risk a howler from Ron…
When she got to her flat, Harry's owl was waiting for her and vaguely she could feel a tremor running through her veins as she fed the owl some treats. She delayed reading the note and opted to get ready for the night, and though tempted to drink something to calm her nerves, she resisted. About half an hour later, and finally settled on her bed, she read Harry's response.
. . .
Mione,
You're forgiven. But you are the Golden Brain and so Merlin help the rest of us if you are dumb… And your brilliant brain must have told you that I will not force you for an explanation, but will wait until you are ready to tell me…
Love, Harry
PS. I hope you no longer have a hangover and that you had dinner.
. . .
Hermione felt the cramping of her heart for the love she had for Harry… And Ron… They were truly her best friends… Brothers in essence… She could not be more grateful for their existence… At the same time, she was reminded of all the deplorable things she had said to them during her vicious episode and promised herself to do everything in her power never to do that again to her best friends…
She re-read the note again and she could not help but let tears fall down her face at Harry's obvious love and respect… Just as she had known, he would give her time… Similar to when she begged him to not discuss her splinch until Harry deemed it enough time…
Hermione cried in bed some more, for the wretched conflict she had in her heart. Of how she couldn't get Harry involved in her chaotic situation with Minerva… She truly feared the day she had to give that explanation to Harry…
But like a wild card— several weeks after that day, Hermione found herself needing to give that explanation…
For she found out that she was pregnant...
That Minerva Isobel McGonagall— transfiguration master of all, got her bloody pregnant...
.
.
.
End of Chapter 24
Year 2000 – Blue Eyed Strangers and Red Haired Wizard
When actions led to life-altering results...
AN:
OC: Lec and Lea - Muggle siblings
Still borrowing from JK Rowling. Thank you for STILL reading. And oh, belated Happy hearts' day! I was supposed to post this a week ago but I got hospitalised for a couple of days and was banned from my laptop...
