Chapter 25: The Explanations
May 7, 2000
Several Weeks after
"You are generally fine, Hermione…"
Hermione heard the doctor, the muggle doctor that she finally consulted this morning after nausea, headaches, and fatigue started to plague her several days ago. But she knew that there was something else, as the Granger's family physician took a pause and stared at her intently.
"Just tell me, doctor."
The doctor focused on her and clearly stated, "You're pregnant Hermione."
Hermione knew that her brown eyes widened at her doctor's news. "Pregnant…" she breathed, while trying and failing to conceal her utmost shock…
"Yes, 5-weeks pregnant."
The doctor gave an affirmation with no chance of misunderstanding. And upon hearing the absoluteness, it took everything in Hermione not to say out loud the very questions that instantly erupted inside of her.
Fucking Minerva got me fucking pregnant? How the fuck is that possible?
"Are you sure, doctor?" Hermione's forehead creased as her brain somehow functioned and she asked, "I don't mean to be offensive in questioning your ability. But— but I just want to know if a 5-week period is enough to confirm it? Or maybe I have another illness?"
What Hermione really wanted to say was—
Yes, their indulgence that afternoon involved magic but still… HOW did the bloody witch get her pregnant? For all the hundreds of magical books and articles she'd read, Hermione encountered none— NONE that accounted for or even indicated something remotely of similar outcome. Despite the great intricacy of transfiguration, the core magic had always been limited to external alteration. And NEVER EVER affecting the very nature of human chromosomes!
"I understand Hermione, and no offense taken. We could do another blood test if you want, but in my professional opinion, your lab results read nothing unusual except the fact that you're indeed pregnant.
Hermione was pulled between laughing and crying! The good doctor, unbeknownst to him, probably just made the most ironic statement ever, because 'nothing unusual except that you're indeed pregnant' was nothing but unusual. So unusual that even in the magical world, a witch gotten pregnant by another witch would no doubt turn the wizarding people utterly confused…
Oh Merlin what has she— what has Minerva— what have THEY done?
"Hermione, your physical indications are consistent with pregnancy. Plus, didn't you take notice that your last period was way more than a month ago?"
Hermione could merely nod. She forced her brain to focus on what the doctor was telling her and how her elementary knowledge of human physiology was in accord with the facts laid out. She mentally asked herself how she could have missed her period and not realized it. Furthermore, she had to ask herself how she knew not to take potions as an easy solution to relieve her sickness, when that's what she normally did. She found that she had no answer, other than it didn't feel right…
On top of all this, it also occurred to her that seeking her long-standing physician who was not part of the wizarding world was proving to be the correct call. Suppose she went to St. Mungos or to a medi-witch, she couldn't imagine how news of the 'Golden Brain Soon-To-Be-A-Mother' would spread like a wildfire… Bloody Merlin, she would be everyone's favourite topic in every conversation... But no, no... she couldn't think about that now! She pushed the thought aside knowing that she couldn't and wouldn't fixate on that particular aspect, because amongst the mounting concern, indubitably the ultimate priority was the baby…
"Hermione, I do not want to be intrusive, but I've known you for a long time so I will just speak plainly." The doctor focused on Hermione even more. "I can see how stunned you are that you're actually pregnant, so I need you to reflect on what you want to do from here on because—"
"I'll keep the baby." Hermione intervened.
Hermione knew that indeed she would keep the baby... Of course she was still so shocked, and it was really beyond her how it was even possible! But after that, and without a doubt, she wanted the baby…
"It's a surprise, really… But doctor, I do want the baby and I am sure of it." Hermione strongly affirmed and she could feel her heart seconding her words… "That is your question right? And… And don't worry, I will tell my parents as soon as I can." she added to assuage the doctor.
Her parents— one of the tons of complications— notwithstanding their current impaired relationship, was already giving Hermione a foresight of how tough things would be... But damn, every fiber within her was saying that she wanted the baby… Her baby… Minerva's baby girl— or baby boy!
The last thought led Hermione to ask, "Doctor, when can I know if I'm going to have a girl or boy?" And she could not help the grin that adorned her face.
"A few more weeks, Hermione." The doctor smiled at her in response. "And as I am a general practitioner, I have to refer you to a specialist who is a friend of mine… Now, I also need to tell you that whether the father is in the picture or not, I hope you can somehow get his medical background. You know it is smart to have the information on hand, right?"
The grin on her face slowly vanished and she fought for the doctor not to take notice. She just nodded vigorously to acknowledge the concern. But subsequently, the inside of her head was again bursting with a mixture of astonishment and fright. Because of how literally there was no father in the picture! And AGAIN, how the bloody hell could one Minerva Isobel McGonagall have gotten her pregnant?
Hermione could not recall how she got home coming from the Doctor's clinic. Truly and deeply, all she could think of were the oncoming entanglements in her life— resulting from that afternoon indulgence that Sunday, Seventh of May…
When she momentarily managed to set aside the conundrum of how she got pregnant, she was slapped with the biggest question she ought to ask in the first place— How the bloody hell would Minerva react to the baby? THEIR baby…?
For the next couple of hours… days… she tossed and turned the notion of telling and not telling Minerva about their baby…
Miserably, all her pondering, all the pathways she had opened in her contemplation, led her to one place— Minerva's frightened countenance after the professed very short sentence: 'I love you, Minerva'. And its equally painful subsequent dismissal...
Despite Hermione's heart wishing otherwise, her own intelligence dictated that that brutal rejection was a substantial foreshadowing of how the woman may actually react to the baby…
With fright and dismissal.
Hermione gasped at the painful presumption. And then altogether she was reminded of how unavailable the woman was except for a handful of moments. How the witch was already attached to everything and everybody in their bloody wizarding world in a general scheme of duties and responsibilities. And NOT for a deep and encompassing personal attachment... And how that reality was one Hermione needed to consider above all. Because while she could endure rejections concerning herself, she could not and would not endure the woman rejecting their baby…
And so she decided… She wouldn't tell Minerva… She couldn't tell Minerva…
However, as determined as she was to keep and raise the baby, she knew that there was no way in bloody hell she could hide the truth from her two best friends… She couldn't even begin to envision the problematic idea of skirting around her best friends, especially once she gave birth… But in all honesty, Hermione was enveloped with the greatest need to simply tell Harry and Ron. But more honestly, she needed her best friends… That was— if they didn't hex her first to kingdom come…
Hence, two weeks after she learnt of her pregnancy, she asked them to come over for dinner, with every intention to tell them the truth…
Close to painful anxiousness, Hermione almost jumped when the wards to her flat shifted and she felt Harry's overriding magic as the securing mechanism was dismantled. For the nth time, she attempted to calm her nerves, fully conscious that she was about to give that long overdue and critical explanation to Harry… And a lot more explanations that even Ron would surely be surprised at… That she was pregnant… that Minerva got her pregnant…
"Sorry Mione, we're late. But we brought you vanilla ice cream," greeted Ron as he kissed her cheek.
"You mean Harry brought me vanilla ice cream?" she teased Ron with accurate deduction.
Harry laughed and kissed her too, "In Ron's defense, Mione, I was the one late. Baby James and I were playing and I sort of forgot the time. It was Gin who asked if I wasn't already due to our dinner. And that the freezing charm I put on this ice cream was already wearing off."
True to Harry's written response when she apologized for the uncalled for and awful lashing she gave him last May 7, he had not brought it up. Actually, the next time they saw each other after her daft episode, she had noted how her best friend had made a show that the matter was shoved aside, until she wanted/was ready to bring it out for reckoning… And the time had arrived to bring it front and center.
She took a deep breath, and not permitting herself with any second of delay, she started, "Harry, Ron… Do you mind if I talk to you about something first before we eat…?"
Being friends for almost a decade had made each of them super attuned with each other when a matter of importance was brought by one to the table. She watched as her two best friends exchanged a certain look, of which Hermione had read as— 'we will support her whatever it is'. It tugged at her heart so much that it made her just want to hug them and cry in their arms. But fright also slithered in her heart of how they might take the news, particularly Harry… for he was about to find out that she and Minerva— two people very close to him— had lied to him by severe omission for the last two years…
Hermione gathered all the Gryffindor inside her and met Ron's and then Harry's inquisitive eyes. But before she could say a word, Ron suddenly turned to Harry and admonished the boy who lived.
"Mate, you can't react in your usual brooding way, okay?"
Hermione's eyes widened as she realized that Ron had quickly guessed that she was going to give that explanation. And he was trying to semi-warn Harry to take it well. Except, he did not know that it was just a part of it, and knowing Ron, the rest of her pending explanation would for sure send him into an alarming fit.
"Me…? Come on, Ron, I am not the one who usually reacts almost moronically, especially to Mione…" Harry responded with clear objection in his voice as he also turned to him.
"Moronically? Nah. I do not. And Harry, you do brood a lot when you learn things you don't want to…"
"Perhaps you mistake concern for brooding." Harry air-quoted the two words in question to highlight his point. "And mate, you do really say and do moronic things when you are upset. I'm sorry but that's true…"
"Well Harry, I'm just saying that whatever Mione—"
"Ron, I'm just saying that with Mione—"
Hermione sighed, and in one breath, interrupted her best friends.
"Harry-Ron-I'm-pregnant."
The small debate that was unfolding before her expectantly halted when she threw in the truth in its simplest statement. Then she watched blue and olive eyes widen and turned back the focus on her.
"Did you just say you're… pregnant?" Ron, in a wheeze, was first to react after he picked up his jaw.
"Yes. I'm pregnant. I was feeling sick and went to a Muggle doctor for a check-up. Turned out I was already five weeks pregnant. Now seven weeks pregnant, to be more accurate."
Cautiously, Hermione began with those facts and readied herself even more for the incoming real reaction from the boys once the initial shock was over. Nevertheless, the look of absolute confusion on Ron's face was already knocking her nerves. She could read in him how he couldn't tie together the things she had told him several weeks ago with the ones she just divulged to them now. How could he? When being gay— being so much in-love with Minerva— and being pregnant— were pronouncements that supposedly could not be used in the same conjunction.
"I know the complications it will entail, but I have decided to keep the baby…"
Hermione pushed forward with her explanation as she attempted to sound firm with such declaration. But really, what she heard was her entreating self for her best friends' acceptance and support. She prayed that they too heard it…
"Harry, Ron… I'm going to be a mum." She professed breathlessly.
A long stretch of silence descended on her living room as the actuality of what she had revealed draped over them… When the reticence became too much, Hermione elected to brave the rest of the things she had to admit to complete that explanation. Despite the wrecking sensation bidding her to leave this hard position of truth admittance, she knew it had to be done and she had to do it now. But before she could say another word, Harry interrupted her. And sent her to her own unbelieving state…
"She got you pregnant…?"
Hermione could only gasp as tremors ran through her with Harry's question-non-question.
"She… Minerva… she got you pregnant?"
There. Harry cut all the unnecessary obfuscation. And he raced right into the heart of the matter.
"BLOODY HELL!" Ron swore loudly.
Hermione cursed at the same time; only it was mentally issued, but equally crisp.
"How the bloody hell was that possible for witches— no, no, no, I DON'T want to know! The hell…!" Ron sputtered.
She heard Ron's out of control stupefaction and then heard him ask the question in her head that she had yet to find voice to ask.
"But, but hang on, hang on a second— Harry, how could you ask that? How do you— you knew about them? You knew about Mione and… and McGona—Minerva?"
"And you knew about them, obviously!" Harry pointedly answered him. "And if I had to guess, the 'how', which you don't want to know— is possible when two brilliant and highly skillful witches get themselves in bed. Especially when they are not just any witches, but top transfiguration masters."
"But… but…" Ron attempted to say something but he could only nod at Harry's supplemented explanation. And he nodded quite several times and quite slowly, illustrating that he was slowly digesting things, and yet displaying how he was not sure if he actually wanted to comprehend it, or not comprehend at all…
"I'm guessing Mione tumbled with her secret during her drunken episode?" Harry continued with his account and Ron continued to just nod in response, but with a more perplexed expression on his face, if that was possible...
"But… but Mione said you have no idea about her and McGO— Minerva…" Ron finally managed to speak a complete sentence. "She said you don't know."
"She didn't think I would have guessed?" Harry responded with incredulity.
"And you didn't tell me when you'd guessed it?" Ron retorted.
"I was really waiting for admittance from Mione. Besides, I didn't want to force her out, and cause complications if they were not ready to announce their relationship."
Hermione felt the wretchedness in her guts at Harry's obvious conclusion that what she had with Minerva was a real relationship; she wanted to interfere in order to correct the status, but her ability to speak at the moment was failing her. Besides, Harry was on the roll.
"And Minerva— well, we all know of the woman's legendary private walls…" Harry sort of waved in the air as if to demonstrate his description of massiveness and impregnability that explained the clandestineness.
Ron ran his one hand over his red hair as he continued, "So, how do you know, Harry? Hermione said you don't know about her and McGo— Minerva! That you couldn't— must not know about them!"
"Why not? Would I object?" asked Harry and then declared, "I wouldn't, and I don't."
Hermione watched as both her best friends redirected their attention back to her. The turn of the conversation was unceasingly giving her a massive shock. Truly, she found herself unable to form a word.
"Mione, so why couldn't I know?" Harry asked.
Hermione knew that that question would come out. Now apart from the shock that Harry knew all along, heavy guilt was upon her, especially when she could see the sadness that was slowly but surely clouding his features as he waited for the answer. She momentarily debated in her head on how to tell him the truth, knowing that he could take it the worst way— of which he would be convinced that she didn't trust him enough.
"Mione, why didn't you want me to know? You did tell me something major about 'who' you are. So why not the equally important thing about you— of you being with Minerva?"
For several days, Hermione had prepared herself for the interrogations from the boys. But so suddenly, and quite unsure of how, she found herself thoroughly shocked that the rehearsed answers to her imagined questions were all gone. Her brain was short-circuiting at the uncertainties. And her heart was aching at how Harry had indeed wrongly established that she was with Minerva in the truest sense…
"You should have known that I would be most happy for you two…"
Unintentionally, Harry plunged the dagger deeper with his announced 'endorsement' of 'her being with Minerva'... Fearful that she would be toppled over by her emotions, she scrambled for a temporary suspension and her brain led her to inquisitiveness that was ignited the moment Harry mentioned Minerva.
"Harry… I don't understand… How did you know…? And you knew since when?"
"Since we were on the run."
Hermione inhaled sharply. She didn't expect for him to have guessed that long ago. And a swift calculation of between that time and now told her that Harry had plenty of time and opportunity to observe her and Minerva. But it did not add-up, because technically and obviously, nothing was going on with her and Minerva at that time…
"That can't be. I hadn't — There wasn't— We hadn't …" she started to explain but Harry waived her off.
"One miserable morning, more miserable than the usual ones we would have out there on the run, I stumbled at the fact that there was someone you left at Hogwarts— someone you were in-love with…"
"How?" Ron asked before Hermione could.
"It was—" Harry began, but paused, and Hermione watched him make an unconscious slight scratching gesture to his forehead scar… A tell-tale sign that her olive-eyed best friend was digging deep into his own mind to figuratively pull something he had carefully boxed.
And a certain shift was unmistakable as Harry was now the one giving his explanation.
"We had just managed to get you to take a rest after you pulled a double-triple watch over us, over our camp… You were outside guarding" Harry gestured at Ron before turning back to Hermione. "I came in to get one of your books to get my mind off of the horcruxes… Then you stirred violently in your sleep, mumbling in an obvious nightmare. But before I could wake you, I heard you plead and plead hard, to whoever and whatever powers were out there to not let Gryffindor courage kill that one person stuck at Hogwarts that you loved with all your heart…"
Hermione was completely floored... Their time on the run plagued her day and night with vagueness, but it also brought her certain clarity. The top of which was 'coming out' to herself, and the moment she did, the realization of how thoroughly in love she was with Minerva rapidly followed. But she knew she was very careful not to utter a word of it, and made sure that she had locked it away. Apparently, she was not as careful when asleep…
"But you didn't mention Minerva's name, so I didn't know it was her… I didn't even know it was a 'her', for all you've mentioned again and again were the words, 'Please, please protect my Gryffindor'. But I figured that the war made you admit to yourself that someone finally captured your heart. Still, I didn't know who. Then after the battle, I was afraid that your Gryffindor was one of those who perished, especially AFTER you've splinched. And how you were so determined to kill yourself with work after the war. And how you would exert the greatest effort not to flinch whenever Hogwarts or anyone related to Hogwarts were mentioned. I just didn't catch right away that it wasn't just anyone from Hogwarts, nor just any Gryffindor— but the Gryffindor Head, and well, now the Headmistress of Hogwarts."
"Then when—" she resumed asking but Harry cut her off again.
"I found out during the first year commemoration at Hogwarts." Harry sighed before revealing furthermore. "And no, not at the great hall but—"
"—At the lake..." Hermione interrupted breathlessly.
"Yes." Harry confirmed. "After you left, I decided to slip off for a moment from the great hall to visit Dumbledore's resting place. I didn't want anyone to know or see me doing it. I didn't want anyone creating any drama about it. So, I had the invisibility cloak on me."
Hermione's quick brain was already retrieving and playing memories of her and Minerva during that night. When she could not help but follow Minerva to the lake, after Peeves unknowingly led her to where the woman was.
"At first I didn't realize it was the two of you because there was quite a distance between us. And I couldn't really see you. I could only hear soft voices talking. I even thought the wind was just carrying the sound from the great hall, or paintings were talking somewhere inside the castle. You know how it is at Hogwarts sometimes… Then I heard something like lemon drops and laughter, and finally recognized your voice and Minerva's."
Hermione's all too reliable memory pulled it all out for a flashback…
"He sent you lemon drops," Hermione said after Minerva showed her a small packet from one of her robe pockets.
"Would you like to have some?"
"Thank you but no. I never really liked the taste."
"Me neither. And Albus knew that."
"You were still out of my vantage point but I was already glad to know that you hadn't left and were actually with Minerva…seemingly sharing a laugh. But before I could really advance towards your direction, and before I could take off the cloak, you came into my line of sight. And seeing how you were standing so close, with an air of 'intimacy', and it made me stop… literally stop on the spot…"
Hermione tried to read Harry's expression where bafflement and amusement dominated, but hurt also registered on his face. And it was not lost on her that Harry had already pondered, probably on many occasions, why the two witches 'supposedly' closest to him were lying to him… regardless that it was a lie of omission… Particularly that he was convinced of an existing relationship between her and Minerva.
"Honestly Mione, I got confused at what I was seeing— you and Minerva had your hands clasped tight… fingers laced together…"
Hermione of course knew what Harry was referring to. The memory also played in Hermione's mind with clarity…
Minerva let out a short laugh as she put away the pack of lemon drops. Hermione could not help but tighten their laced fingers together upon hearing it, and somewhat pulled Minerva closer to her.
"Afterwards, I heard Minerva call you Hermione… And I remember being struck by how strange it was. And then I realized that it was strange because I never heard her address you like that… I mean, we were just talking at the great hall and you were greeting 'The Headmistress', and Minerva was all 'Ms. Granger' when she congratulated you on your double masteries…"
Hermione knew all too well what Harry meant. She had always been 'Ms. Granger' to Minerva whenever they were not in the exclusivity of each other and tucked away from everyone and anyone...
After the war, after 'something' started between them, the formal addressing even got more deliberate when they were in public. And perhaps it became more pronounced, because two of the Golden Trio seemed to have regarded the older woman beyond the Professor and Headmistress' titles. Because even Ron had crossed to a less than ceremonial reference with the revered woman. But not her, not the Golden Brain, which was more curious because amongst the Trio, actually amongst the student body, she was the one who had spent more time with the older witch during their Hogwarts days, from their many advanced Transfiguration lessons.
"And not only the lack of the formal titles but… but…" Hermione watched Harry pause mid-sentence as he seemed to re-evaluate his words.
Being best friends for years, she had learned to follow his line of thinking quite easily… Like right now, she knew that he wanted to say that Minerva did not sound like 'The Headmistress' out there at the lake. Maybe not even the private Minerva that he had gotten to know after the war. Not even the one he now regarded as family… And Hermione agreed with this, because out there at the lake, Minerva without walls and with discarded mask, was the unknown Minerva who had been with her that night…
"I mean, I had never heard Minerva talk like that… She sounded so tender and vulnerable… Her loose body stance was all too unexpected. Even from a bit of a distance I could see how she appeared to be not just personal but actually deferring, something I have never seen in her. Yet there she was, entirely open with you. And suddenly it painted the whole picture that… that Minerva was— is your Gryffindor— the one stuck at Hogwarts during the war… When I realised that, I got jolted and knew that I should not listen to a private conversation, or interrupt it. So I turned and left, and the last thing I heard was Minerva saying something about that night at the manor…"
The last part of what Harry said made Hermione understand something else about that night. It explained why Minerva, for a second, got lost looking over her shoulder. Not only because of what the woman was about to bring forth in discussion, which was 'their night' at the manor, but the woman's animagus senses had her momentarily distracted in discerning if what she had picked up was within their vicinity, or only carried from somewhere in the open air. Apparently, Harry had eluded complete detection, most likely because Minerva's emotions were also in disarray that night.
"But you never said anything Mione, so I figured you were buying time to tell me, and I really didn't want to force you. And considering that that morning was the same morning I promised you that I would never force you..." Harry shrugged his shoulders in justification for not approaching Hermione about the matter. Then he went back to the one issue he wanted to resolve first, "But Hermione, why did you not want me to know?"
And indeed they were back at her explanation.
"Because… because…" Hermione started, clenching and unclenching her jaw in an effort to control her emotions but all she could think of were all the times Minerva issued rejections against the love she had offered.
At the Manor—
"I fucked you and it was a mistake…"
At her house after that first commemoration—
"Tomorrow… I need to be… You need to be…"
At the Minister's office—
"Part of the whys darling… part of the tangled complications between who we are…"
At that muggle diner—
"That is how it goes darling… that is your path… part of who we are darling… part of who we are expected to be…"
That letter—
"We can't afford more…"
And finally— her mad declaration of 'I love you' and the beautiful yet frightened face of Minerva in response…
Harry's hand touched hers in gentle call for her attention. She swallowed once, twice in order to say something. And she bit her lower lip to stop the quiver that began. And she did everything she could to pull back her tears.
"Mione, I just want you to know that when I found out about you and Minerva, I was really happy. You deserve no one else but someone great. And Minerva too... And in my book, the two of you together are just perfect. When I got over my initial shock and I thought back to the image of you two at the lake holding hands, honestly I saw how beautiful the two of you are together… Really." Harry chuckled before he added, "And many, many times, I had to hold myself from outright teasing either of you, or both of you."
Hermione heard Harry's genuine happiness and it drove her further into a wretched conflict. The fear of how the truth would negatively affect her olive-eyed best friend was already causing her immense pain. She was so certain that she would be destroying the beautiful familial relationship between Harry and Minerva.
"I don't understand, Hermione… You really don't think I would be happy that you're with Minerva? Why?" Harry repeated his questions, but this time his quite irritated tone came out with them.
Hermione caught it and she immediately shook her head to oppose. She briefly closed her eyes in an effort to really keep her tears away, and again swallowed the ball stuck in her throat. And it was proving to be so difficult as she could foresee her olive-eyed best friend's heartache either way…
Then it was Ron who intervened, "Harry, Hermione can't tell us, can't tell you especially, because she knows we would want to be involved, and that would lead us into challenging Minerva for a duel."
"Don't be dramatic, Ron," Harry laughingly responded and then finished with a jest. "We would just threaten Minerva not to hurt Mione, or else the Golden duo would bring 'McGonagall' down."
The inopportune joke ultimately unleashed all Hermione's self control. She could no longer stop the tears, and they poured out from her brown eyes with abandon, shocking Harry to the core. She ran her free hand over her face to get rid of them but it was no use; she was emotionally breaking down. Then she felt Ron's arms pull her into a tight embrace and let her bury her face in his chest as she cried.
Hermione could not tell how long she was crying, but after some time, she managed to control the tears. Then she felt as Ron shifted her and heard him softly say, "Mione, just tell Harry…"
She nodded once and bit her lip to concentrate on words she never wanted to say to Harry but needed to….
"I couldn't tell you Harry… I didn't want you involved. Because… because the truth is… it's not something you would approve of—"
"I very much approve of you and Minerva—"
"Harry, please listen first." Hermione pleaded. "I… I love Minerva, Harry…" Hermione braved it and finally spoke the painful truth for Harry to hear it, and also for herself. "And Minerva does not want it… She does not want my love… She does not need it... And Minerva doesn't love me back…"
"Are you telling me that you broke-up already?"
"No Harry. Minerva and I— we were never…" Hermione paused and tapped on her Gryffindor reserve to just plough through with the truth. "We can't break-up because there was no relationship to sever… Minerva and I were never really together…"
"You did not look like you weren't together, Mione."
"Harry, we do not have a relationship. Minerva and I would just get together— in bed. She does not want more than that. She told me we couldn't afford it."
"Did she say that because of her position? Honestly I understand the secrecy, especially with after war timing and all… But I don't think she would worry about her Hogwarts post. Ginny said, and no I didn't tell her about you two, I just asked her in general about matters on same gender relationship. She said that although it's not that prevalent, it's also not frowned upon here in the wizarding world, well compared to the muggle one. And honestly, who would dare cross Minerva McGonagall...? Unless they were insane or had a death wish..."
"Harry… Listen…" Hermione clenched her jaw in tension. "That may be so... but for this case... Me and Minerva... That's irrelevant… Because Minerva... Minerva does not love me."
"Yes, she DOES. I can see that Minerva does… After I found you two at the lake, I had a year to observe and see how much she does love you. I mean, she's Minerva McGonagall— the woman is an epitome of subtleness and delicacy. It's common how her huge efforts are always unseen, even if the effects are undoubtedly grand and encompassing. Still, knowing that 'you two were together' it was no longer difficult to see that you are not just anyone she cares for in the general sense... That you are entirely special to her, and how she feels for you is only for you and you alone."
"Harry, don't you think I wish that too with all my heart? But it's not the case… The woman is merely hell bent on fixing everyone. And I am one of those she knew had been damaged during the war. So whatever she has done for me, it's just one part in the overall scheme of things that she does as 'The Minerva McGonagall' in our world."
"No, Mione. Don't say that. You mean a lot to her. I can feel it."
"Yes, like what George, or any Gryffindor, or any student, or once Hogwarts student, or any magical creature means to her."
"No, no! And why are you so sure that she doesn't love you when I can see that she does?"
"I told her, Harry, that I love her. And she rejected it. You have no idea how frightened she was when I said 'I love you'. Like she wanted to find me a time-turner so that I could 'un-say' the words. She didn't want it and didn't object when I decided that our shagging session was over."
Harry winced at her last sentence. Afterwards, he ran one hand over his face to erase the consequential discomfiture before he quietly said, "Mione, do you really think that Minerva would ever come to you if you were not—"
"I went to her, Harry." Hermione gathered her exploded emotions and decided to make Harry see it her way.
She restarted her explanation, and in fact began telling him from the time she realized she was in-love with Minerva out there on the run. She chronicled to him everything. From the first exclusive moment with Minerva after the battle of Hogwarts… Her rude awakening of who Minerva was at that dinner he referred to as when 'it descended on her'… And how she collapsed in Minerva's arms on the ruined grounds, how it led her to the golden opportunity of really getting to know Minerva at the Manor. And the true reason why she splinched. She told Harry everything else that followed and circled back to the last time she was Minerva.
"You see Harry, Minerva would have told me she loves me that last time if she did… But she didn't… And I wish I wasn't so idiotic to have said those cruel words to her because I was in pain… I know I need her. I know I want her. I know I love her. And I would still say yes to her, to the same limited capacity she would extend to me... Say yes to her— even though she does not love me…"
"I am so sure that she does love you, Mione... Minerva is just— too unsure how to tell you… And besides, did you directly ask her? Maybe you just need to ask her… Maybe now that you're having a baby, she will be forced to—"
"That's the point, Harry." Hermione gritted her teeth in a mixture of exasperation and hopelessness. "I don't want to force it on Minerva because that would be unauthentic and it would only hurt more! I'd rather get her the way she would let me… intermittently, when she could… when she wanted me… At least I would know she wanted me of her own volition… Because to ask and be rejected again…. No. No… No… Please… That's too… sad… and painful… and idiotic… and utterly—"
"But Mione, you cannot stay in your current arrangement-non-arrangement anymore. You two are about to have a kid…" Harry argued.
"I am having a kid," Hermione responded and felt that she just waded into the next phase of her explanation.
"Don't tell me you're not telling Minerva about the baby?" Ron's speculating question caught her.
"You cannot NOT tell Minerva!" Harry almost screamed at her. "Mione, that's impossible."
"Forget impossible, THAT'S BLOODY MAD!" Ron joined, half-screaming at her.
"The moment news gets out that you're pregnant, Minerva will know she's the one who got you pregnant." Harry said almost panicked. "And she will be very angry at you… at us… If you don't tell her before everyone finds out—"
"No, Harry, no one will know of my child's other parent. Minerva will not know the baby is hers… I mean..." Hermione felt the clamping in her heart. "No one has gotten pregnant only with plain transfiguration. Believe me, I know with all the transfiguration books I've read. And some more I delved into the last two weeks when I found out I was pregnant, which only led me into learning that very rare cases of same gender procreation only successfully occurred because of powerful magical fusion of
various branches of magic and not mere transfiguration."
"That's what I wanted to say earlier Harry… That I know that magic has limitations… That transfiguration cannot change a human's nature… I heard Bill and Charlie once discuss the subject. That transfiguring a dragon into a dog is more possible." Ron stated disbelievingly.
"Actually Ron, transfiguring dragons is doable but very, very difficult. But transfigurations involving human nature are quite off the charts. And while I found ancient transfiguration cases in which women who… you know… who wanted to have a baby did so... Both cases had permutation of transfiguration, intricate magical potions, and multifarious attached runes… But Minerva knew we didn't do the last two… No potion taken and definitely no runes involved."
"Are you saying that Minerva's transfiguration power bypassed other highly complex magic that needed to get you pregnant? Harry clarified the inconceivably concept.
"Yes." Hermione replied with tone full of pride at Minerva's prowess despite the consequences in her life.
"So Minerva McGonagall is rightfully the top transfiguration master?" Ron asked with palpable admiration.
"You have no idea, Ron, how much transfiguration prowess she possesses," Hermione responded, remembering how the woman beat the mastery of ALL practical exams and still had time for an afternoon tea. Hermione was so proud of Minerva that she wanted to tell her best friends about the older witch's power without breaking confidence, so she deliberated which ones she could reveal. "Have you ever wondered how she got her first Order of Merlin?"
"I asked her that." Said Harry. "She told me that it was from the Grindelwald war. When I asked for details, she said I would eventually figure it out. I tried to check with my fellow Aurors but they only knew that she helped immensely win that war, but nobody could say how."
"Her war records were sealed for a long time. She said it should be declassified by now after Gellert died at Voldemort's hands. But she said she'd prefer that they remained unknown. Because in them, they would reveal that Minerva at just age 14, got signed to a mission. The Ministry allowed it because her transfiguration skill was the lacking essential piece…Because she was the one who drew out Grindelwald for the entrapment where Dumbledore bested him in a duel.
"What…? WOW!" Ron gasped. "Then that means—"
"Yes, she was in that bloodbath, Ron." Hermione supplied Ron's correct deduction.
"You don't mean she was just 14 when she was in that battle where seasoned aurors were killed before Dumbledore finally captured Grindelwald?"
"Precisely, Harry."
"Again, WOW!" Ron exclaimed. "And she lived to tell, or rather not tell, her survival of one of the deadliest open fights at that age! That was amazing, I mean not amazing she went through it but you know what I mean… Really, wow! But then, Mom always said that she was really powerful, except that she was one of the very few who've never seen the importance of having her name associated with power." Ron expressed with clear awe.
"She is not too keen on displaying her power, Ron… And she hates attention… So imagine how much she hates getting attention because of her natural power… But she is truly powerful and I didn't even realise it, not until after the Hogwarts battle…"
When they were students, Hermione immediately knew that Minerva was a very skillful witch, especially when she started reading about the woman. But oftentimes, the narrative lacked the grandeur of the witch's accomplishments… And if not for the combination of the war, the after war, and the fateful night that Seventh of May, she would still probably not fully grasp how powerful Minerva was …
"She is powerful. Possibly the most powerful witch right now, and you think you can hide the baby from her?" Harry cut in, and brought her back to their grave discussion.
"Harry is right, Mione," Ron concurred.
"She can't know. Please… I can't risk her rejecting our baby… It's different when she rejects me, I can endure it because I... I... Because I am truly bloody fucking in-love with her… I would accept any scrap she threw at me… But no, that can't be the case with our baby."
"Let's say Minerva is not the brilliant witch that we know that she is, that she doesn't elect to connect the rare possibility of your transfiguration tryst on how you got pregnant. Don't you think that she would simply count the months between your 'shagging' and when you gave birth, and suspect that she had gotten you pregnant?"
Harry was now spitting harsh words to ask the hard questions, and Hermione's guts were being twisted as he threw them…
"I don't know Harry... But that last time I was with her, I spat some nasty words at her… Including that I… I implied that I'm sleeping with another… Maybe it will give her enough reason not to suspect."
"Bloody hell Hermione!" Ron sputtered. "That's mad. You're mad. And you do know how to be cruel when you are hurting…"
"I'm not proud of that, Ron… But maybe it's for the best that Minerva thinks I've been with someone else, to give room for doubt... Somehow I've learned who Minerva is, and I don't think she would confront me about who I've slept with… Also, she would never ask me directly or anyone else if she had gotten me pregnant, thus she won't know…"
"Will you ever tell your kid that their other parent is the most powerful witch?"
Again, Harry with his gut-wrenching question.
"And will you ever tell Minerva that she is no longer the lone McGonagall?"
Rather, gut-wrenching questions…
"I… I don't know, Harry… But I know that it's not today. I need time…" Hermione started and reached for Harry's hand. "I know you have a perfect happily ever after picture in your head of me and Minerva, but Harry… Sometimes, things are not perfect…"
Hermione could feel in her bones how she was breaking Harry's heart… For the disintegration in her own heart also worsened… But she had to get out the ugly things that fastened severely in this predicament of getting involved with Minerva McGonagall…
"Harry, have you really considered how the talk would be in our society if people find out that 'THE HEADMISTRESS' and 'THE GOLDEN BRAIN" are lesbians… and shagging… Maybe Ginny is right that it's not discriminated against here. But think about the first thing that people would think of WHO Minerva is to me... That I am— was her student... Some would think Minerva touched me when I was still a student and that would land her into trouble… While others would think my grades were favored and that would land me into trouble…"
"But they are absolute lies—"
"It does not matter, Harry, it will cause a rift. You know that it will... And we just came out of a bloody war; we don't need a scandal that involves someone prominent like Minerva… She's cementing everything and everyone right now. If her reputation would be questioned, there's no telling how our weak society would collapse… You know what I am saying is true and relevant. And Minerva does not need another mess to fix. She does not need or deserve the headache and the probable castigation. She doesn't deserve that after everything she has done for all of us. And I would never put her into such a predicament. In fact, I would do everything to keep her away from any harm. Even if that meant loving her from afar. Or loving her without it being returned."
"That's not fair to you Mione… Or to Minerva… What if— how could you have a chance at the happiness that you deserve?"
She heard Harry's aching words and she managed a sad smile before she responded, "Maybe I will have it someday..."
"After everything you've gone through with your life, you deserve it now. You deserve it yesterday. And so does Minerva. She deserves it for so long." Harry argued lovingly. How could she not love him all the more, when his love for her was overly expressed as such? But right now, although ironically, she had to be the voice of reason for Harry, and without sounding like it was a surrender.
"You know Harry, sometimes when I long so much for Minerva and I am being attacked with memories of her rejections… sometimes I tell myself that perhaps Minerva does want me more than she allows. Except that she is nobler than I could ever understand— that she can put duty and responsibilities before her own wants, every time, and all the time… And I remind myself that that is precisely why I love her… That she is that kind of a woman. And I am proud of her for that. And how I would love no one but her… And you both know me, and thus you both know how this is true for me. "
"Mione, that's bloody intense... and kinda screwed... And romantic... Romantically screwed," said Ron in a low and depressing voice.
Hermione let out a small smile at Ron's words. "Told you Ron, it is what it is…" Then her voice shook as she entreated, "And I need your support Ron… Harry… more than ever, as I am truly having this baby…"
Harry reached to her and kissed her on one cheek as he assured her, "You don't have to ask that, love… We'll be the baby's other parents… godparents… uncles… whoever you want us to be for the kid…"
Hermione's tears started forming in her brown eyes, but there was one more thing she had to ask from her best friends…
"Harry… Ron… Do you swear it? Will you protect and be there for the baby?"
"We swear it, Hermione."
"Will you make the Unbreakable Vow?"
Harry immediately clasped his hand with Hermione's, and his other drew his wand to do the bond. After a second, Ron extended also one of his hands and joined theirs.
"Harry… Ron… Will you be my baby's godfathers, who would care for her/him like your own child?"
"I will," Answered Harry and Ron at the same time.
A thin line of flame issued from Harry's wand and wound its way around their linked hands.
"Harry… Ron… Will you protect my child to the best of your ability?"
"I will." Said Harry and Ron.
A second line of flame shot from the wand and attached itself to the first one, making the blaze even more pronounced.
"Harry… Ron… Will you guard the truth of my child's other parent to the best of your ability? Even to that other parent?"
"I will," said Ron.
Harry, on the other hand, drew a deep breath and locked eyes with Hermione before he answered, "I will."
A third string of flame released and wrapped around the earlier two. It increased the blaze further. And for a moment, it had the three best friends' solemn expressions reflected in heightened imagery.
When the flame was gone, a new profound bond was amongst them. Hermione collected her emotions and uttered her hearty appreciation.
"Thank you. I love you both so much… I am forever thankful for that troll incident. Because of it, I have amazing best friends— brothers…"
"We love you too, Mione." Ron draped one arm around her and kissed her on the cheek. "And we loved you back then, even when you were an insufferable know it all…" and he added, "And you still are sometimes…"
The Golden Trio laughed, and Harry also came closer and hugged her too. And when they let go, they knew that they needed not make the vow. Hermione knew that Harry and Ron did not need any unbreakable bond because the two would care for and protect her baby… As certain as she would protect Harry's son (James) and Ron's future children to the best of her ability… Because that was who they were to each other… When you can overcome a powerful evil wizard, there isn't much left that you can't wrestle together…
Ron's stomach grumbled. Harry snorted and Hermione proceeded to serve their delayed dinner. It was a good dinner and they had a healthy laugh at the outrageous ideas of how they were going to 'protect' Hermione from the sure to come 'talk of the town'… They knew they had time before they had to be really serious about it, and opted for the serious talk some other time. But they could not help but start planning for Hermione's pregnancy, and Harry was all adorable retelling his friends his 'experience' when Ginny was carrying James. He retold all his panicked moments during the actual birth, and had them laughing…
Before they knew it, it was late and Hermione was shooing her best friends home, but the two decided to crash at her flat. Immediately, they arranged sending the information of their unplanned sleepover at Hermione's to their respective homes.
Eventually, they were settled down in Hermione's living room turned sleeping camp. Ron swiftly fell asleep and started snoring, and that had Hermione and Harry in a fit of laughter…
"Some things never change…" Harry quipped before he casted a spell to remove the sound of Ron's snoring.
Silence descended in her flat afterwards, and when Hermione could not fall asleep right away, she replayed her conversation with her best friends in her head… When she muffled her cry at the emotional night that she had, she was surprised when Harry pulled her into a hug.
"It's okay, Mione. We're here. And we'll be there every moment. We promised you."
"I know, Harry…. I am really thankful… And Harry, I'm sorry. I know this thing with Minerva, especially our deception, is painful to you… Please, please don't think that you have to choose… I mean between me and Minerva. Withholding spending time with Minerva because of your loyalty to me... Don't do that. You can't withdraw from Minerva because of me… She would never admit it but she needs you… And you need her, I know… She really looks at you like family and I know you love her as such."
In the darkness, she heard him sigh before he said, "It hurts, not because you did not tell me… I honestly get your tendency to keep things. It wasn't long ago that I was so much like that… And I am not so foolish as to think that Minerva would tell me about you two. What hurts is the fact that I can't do anything about it… And I understood also why you told me what you told me at the Burrow's kitchen."
"Harry, that was cruel and—"
"But also true, Mione."
"I was—"
"It was true. It is true. I have to stop playing hero… Especially with your personal life… But you really have become my sister."
"And you are my brother, Harry."
"Do you realise that you and Ron, and actually Minerva, have stayed far longer in my life in its truest sense than anyone else…? I mean, I'd stayed 11 years at Privet Drive, but the number of precious moments with my Aunt, Uncle and Cousin were really a handful… So it's hard, hard that I can't give you and Minerva a happy ending… It is painful."
"I'm sorry, Harry..."
"Me too, Mione... But you do know that I'm going to keep my vow with or without bond magic… And yes, I will not, I do not want to remove myself from Minerva… I also love her... Of course, not the way that you do. I do NOT want to shag her."
"Harry!" Hermione softly chuckled at Harry's small teasing.
"Yeah, yeah..." Harry chuckled too. Then afterwards issued a deep sigh, "But you are right, she really is my family, you know... That night, when she stepped in front of me against Severus, we both knew it was not out of duty, or even about good versus evil, that she was going to defend me— Harry. Just Harry. Not just the supposed boy who lived."
"She has always seen you as family, Harry. She told me how she wanted to get you when you were a baby."
"Really?"
"But I think she didn't know how to be a family at that time, and was mostly too beaten from that first Voldemort war. You know, it did cost her last family members, and too many friends to count."
"I wish I was there for her."
"Me too..." Hermione whispered as her mind recalled the other things that Minerva told her of her sufferings during that war. And after some time, she thought Harry had finally drifted to sleep but then she heard him issue another hard question, probably one of the hardest…
"Hermione, what are we going to do when your baby comes out with those distinguished impossible emerald eyes?"
That indeed would need an explanation.
.
.
.
End of Chapter 25
Year 2000 – The Explanation
Do you dislike that Harry knew all along about Hermione and Minerva?
Or it made sense?
Let me know?
