A/N: Okay, so, I appreciate you all not violently flaming me last chapter, because I very much feared it lol. First scene of this chapter will make the implications of the final scene
a lot more clear.
Also, to a select few of you: If you're only here to nitpick, feel free to read something else.
Time for Chapter 42
Enjoy!
Shikamaru's eyes dragged open slowly as he was roused from his sleep. He was greeted by a dim darkness. He could still make out his surroundings somewhat, as it wasn't pitch black, and what he found was rather confusing. Dull wooden walls, a pair of bland white beds, two lamps, and a travel bag laying in the rightmost corner. It took him several moments, but he soon deduced that he was in the motel room of Temari and Kankuro. At this realization, memories began to surface.
He had come to play chess with Temari, and they had done so. He had won without a struggle for the most part. They had played only a single game, from what he could remember. Straining his memory further, the Nara recalled the conversation they had shared after the fact piece by piece. A brief discussion of family, banter back and forth regarding his own oddity as a person, and eventually, alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.
'Explains the headache.' Shikamaru thought to himself. Sighing, he attempted to sit up, but to no avail. It was then that he noticed that he was being weighed down on his left side. Glancing down, he discovered two things.
He was shirtless, and Temari was latched onto him with an arm draped across his front.
Upon further inspection, the Suna girl was topless as well, with her bare skin pressed against his. She was warm and soft. For nearly a minute, Shikamaru remained still. Connecting the dots was a simple task. He was far from dumb.
"Great." he muttered to himself, still too groggy to form a clear opinion on the situation he now found himself within. The single word he uttered had been quiet and hushed, but apparently, Temari of the Sand was an extremely light sleeper. Stirring against him, she slowly peeled herself off of him and stretched. Turning her head toward him, Temari gave him a half-lidded smile.
"Goodmorning." she greeted him, laying back down on her side a few inches away from him. Shikamaru's senses quickly returned to him at her address. As such, he averted his eyes away from her naked upper body.
"Same to you." he said awkwardly. Giggling a bit at his obvious discomfort, Temari brushed her hair out of her face.
"How much do you remember?" she asked. Taking a deep breath to relax himself somewhat, the Nara allowed the wheels to turn in his mind. Assorted images and words flashed by. They were jumbled, but they formed a coherent picture.
"I remember wrestling with you, a shirt flying off, and then…yeah." he recounted, heat rising to his face. Temari laughed again, reaching out and turning his face back toward her.
"Good memory. Honestly, I didn't expect you to be so fun once the booze hit you. I figured you'd be a sad drunk." she said. Shikamaru kept his gaze fixed on her face exclusively.
"I'm just full of surprises, I guess. Even to me." he said. He couldn't quite get a handle on his emotions. He was still processing it all internally.
"Oh, you really were. Shocked the hell out of me, that's for sure." Temari replied, a smirk tugging at her lips. Shikamaru's eyes then drifted down again, though only for a few seconds.
"Of all the places I thought I'd end up this month, this was not one of them." he said, more to himself than to his bedmate. Temari stretched again, causing the sheets covering them to tug down. As it turned out, she was entirely without clothes, and from what Shikamaru could feel, he was as well.
"I can't really disagree. When I first got here, I didn't think I'd end up popping my opponents cherry." she said casually, seeming to have no issue at all with being fully naked in front of him. Shikamaru groaned and rolled over onto his stomach.
"Did you have to say it that way?" he complained, his face buried in his pillow. The sand kunoichi responded by reaching out and latching onto his back. She then pulled him back onto his side, with him now facing away from her. Slipping her arms under his and hooking one of her legs through his own, she rested her chin on his shoulder.
"Hey, you did a good job. Be proud of that. I had a great time." she purred in his ear. Shikamaru shuddered slightly. He remembered the tone. She had used it with him countless times the previous night. Even now, unsure of himself and feeling somewhat out of place, it had an effect on him.
"Why do I feel sore all over?" he asked. Temari squeezed his abdomen and lightly bit down on his ear.
"We played rough." she said. Shikamaru shifted in place, but made no concerted effort to separate from her. As strange and somewhat wrong as it all felt, he was both too tired and too begrudgingly receptive to be stubborn.
"What's on your mind?" the Suna girl asked once he had been quiet for a touch too long. Shikamaru reached down and covered her hands with his, separating them to roll over and face her.
"I've made a lot of mistakes." he said. Their legs were still wrapped up at Temari's behest, and the girl still had a grip on the side of his arm.
"I think you're too hard on yourself." she said gently. Shikamaru tentatively laid his hand down in the small space between them.
"In what way?" he inquired. Temari slid her hand up from his arm to his cheek and let it rest there.
"You got a little talkative last night. You didn't tell me everything, but I know a bit about that Haku girl. Who she is, how she happened. I'm missing some details, so maybe I have this wrong, but the history there hurts you." she said. Shikamaru turned his gaze to the dull sheets.
"Saving an enemy isn't something I can justify for you. It wasn't right, but you act like you're the only person who's used their heart instead of their head. You talk like you have so much to atone for, when all you've done is be human." the fan wielder continued. Shikamaru exhaled through his nose.
"There's a time and a place for that, and that mission was neither." he said dejectedly. Temari nodded in agreement, but remained steadfast.
"You're right, and you shouldn't let it happen again, but don't act like you're some horrible sinner. I've done far worse. Trust me." she said reassuringly. Finally, the Nara met her eyes again.
"And I just slept with you." he said, a bare sliver of humor returning to his voice. Temari grinned and gave him a light slap on the side of his face.
"Hey, it's an accomplishment. I'm not easy." she laughed. Shikamaru remained silent. No matter how naturally and easily they could speak to one another, the fact remained that they were from opposing sides. And something deep in his gut told him that their allegiances would soon be at the forefront. Appearing to detect his internal conflict, Temari slowly began to inch toward him.
"Think of it this way, when this is all over, I'll be hundreds of miles away, and you can forget all about this. One and done." she said, pausing after the words had left her mouth.
"That came out wrong." she muttered, tucking down under his chin. Shikamaru laid inert for a time, but eventually draped an arm over her.
"It's alright. You're…not exactly wrong." he said quietly. He was given no response. Nudging her, the Nara found that she had fallen asleep again. Glancing up at the clock, which he could just barely make out the hands of, he saw that it was hardly past five in the morning. They had awoken early. Choosing to cut his losses while he could rather than possibly face Kankuro, Shikamaru carefully removed himself from the bed without waking the sleeping girl.
After a few minutes of quiet searching, he found his clothes and threw them on. He then opened the door to the room, taking one final look back at Temari. The sheets were messy and strewn about.
'She wasn't lying. Rough sounds about right.' he thought to himself. He was red-blooded enough to find some pride in what he had done, but at his core, he felt nothing but hollowness.
Tired, confused, and frustrated at having allowed a second mistake, Shikamaru left the room, and walked home.
Satsuki held out her hands toward the fire for warmth as a cold wind blew through the trees. The sun was just beginning to set, and as had been the trend over the past several days, the temperature was dropping along with it. She had opted to take a day out of the house and away from traditional drilling, and her aimless journey had taken her into the woods. Only four days remained until the final round counting the present one, and there was little she could do to sharpen up further. Mental preparation was all that held merit.
The Uchiha girl was currently seated on a fallen tree, with a loose pile of dead logs stacked up in front of her with stones surrounding them. She had created a makeshift fire pit. She had never much cared for the outdoors in general, but the crude innovation brought her a certain amount of pride. Practicality was a valuable trait.
'It might not even be legal to burn stuff out here without permission.' Satsuki thought to herself. The thought brought a smile to her lips. Despite her image as a model student, she had always enjoyed the odd thrill of breaking rules. Throughout her years in the academy, she had found a number of creative ways to cheat on exams. On one occasion, she had even stolen an answer key right from under Iruka's nose.
"They never suspect the pretty girl. Always the loudmouth." Satsuki muttered as she tossed another dead log on the fire. Indeed, a number of her own misdeeds had been placed at the feet of Naruto, and occasionally Kiba. She felt minimal guilt, as the repercussions had been harmless in the end. The additional fuel caused the fire to flare up to life again, sending a wave of heat over her body.
'Maybe he had a decent enough reason to not like me back then.' Satsuki pondered, Naruto's face flashing across her mind. He had always been more intelligent than he was given credit for. It was entirely possible that he had known of her dishonest methods at the time. The Jinchuuriki was far from eloquent, and he had a tendency to be thick-skulled, but he was quietly perceptive. A frown then tugged at the corners of her mouth.
'He never cared about his grades.' she mentally corrected herself. Why she suddenly found herself dwelling on a conflict that no longer existed, she could not quite deduce. As the sun dipped below the horizon, Satsuki replayed memories from her schooling in her mind. In truth, she had interacted little with the blonde meaningfully in their six years as classmates. They had exchanged insults, competed, and awkwardly attempted small talk, but not much beyond those things.
It had been clear the entire time, regardless of their limited exposure, that Naruto had a distaste for her. His expression had always soured when she entered the classroom, and he was never more fierce a competitor than when matched up against her. Deliberating with herself briefly, Satsuki quickly ruled out petty jealousy. It wasn't in his nature. He had the capacity for bitterness, she had sensed it in him more than once, but even then, he hardly showed it.
"Why does it even matter to me now?" she questioned aloud, garnering no response but the crackle of her fire. Digging deeper, Satsuki searched for answers within the broader context of her teammate's character. She knew him well by this point. She had worked, laughed, bled, and even cried with him. She understood what made him who he was, at least as far as he had shown.
When taking factors of context into account, Satsuki began to form a more abstract picture of Naruto's initial dislike of her. The conclusion she came to made a painful amount of sense. To him, without any background, she had represented everything he was not. She was naturally gifted, both academically and athletically. He was not. She was admired and well-liked, he was neither. Worse yet, she had attained these things without having to struggle. Not in a way that would have mattered to him. She was a golden child, he was a pariah. Polar opposites.
'If only you knew, Naruto.' Satsuki thought to herself. She was more than familiar with feeling inferior. Time and again, she had been bested by her elder brother in every possible way. An age gap had been partially to blame, but at every turn, his accomplishments had outshone her own. It was for this reason that she found it difficult to chastise the Jinchuuriki for his frustration with her. Especially given that she had been far from warm with him at the time.
"Well, at least you know how much of a mess I am now." she whispered, producing a kunai and filing her nails with its edge. She was not keen to fall into an emotional chasm, especially not out in the open. As such, she took a deep breath. Her foundation was shaky at best, but by now, it had been that way for over a week. Sleep had come to her in reasonable quantities, but her dreams were far from desirable. She could still enjoy the things she usually did, such as caring for the few potted plants she owned, but there was always an underlying feeling of unease.
Above all else, however, she was simply lonesome. By her own design, to be sure, but that fact did not quell her starvation for contact. Kakashi was a reasonably decent conversationalist when she could get him talking, but their interactions were almost entirely through training. She had seldom seen Shikamaru at all over the past month, and Naruto stood at the epicenter of her conflict.
'You're really good at cutting people off.' she chided herself. The habit had served her well in years prior, in the sense that she had managed to avoid conflict, but now, it was coming back to bite her. Fidgeting with her kunai, Satsuki attempted to shut down her train of thought. Self-reflection would do her no good. She had done more than her fair share recently. Over the course of several minutes, Satsuki managed to quiet her thoughts. Doing so brought her a quiet, if temporary peace for a time. Sadly, and predictably, her splintered mind was far from finished toying with her.
"You're slouching. I thought we'd talked about this."
Freezing at the sound of the familiar voice, Satsuki slowly looked up from the dead leaves covering the forest floor. Sitting another dead, fallen tree across the fire was Fugaku Uchiha, her late father. Having experienced such a vision once before, the raven-haired girl gathered her emotions quickly.
"This again?" she replied blankly. Fugaku, his face as stern and hard as it always had been, folded his arms across his chest and studied her.
"Is that any way to greet your father?" he countered. The Uchiha girl dug her nails into her thighs. He was an illusion, nothing more. A figment of her schizophrenic mind. She knew it. Yet, the sound of his voice, as stoic as it was, hit her like a stone.
"My manners have always sucked." she said quietly. Fugaku chuckled and shifted on his fallen tree.
"True, and you're around at that rebellious age anyway. I'll let it slide, just this once." he conceded. Satsuki nodded silently. Saying too much would bring her greater pain than she was already experiencing simply by seeing her father's face. When her lack of a response stretched from seconds to nearly a minute, Fugaku frowned.
"Bottling up won't help you. If you have something on your mind, let it out." he half-suggested, half-ordered. He had always been harsher than her mother. Caring in his own way, but significantly colder. Pale imitation though she knew him to be, Satsuki could not deny the authority in his tone, even now.
"You won't be here for long enough to listen to all of it." she said quietly. Her father stroked his lightly-stubbled chin.
"Maybe, but something is better than nothing." he reasoned. Caving to her mind's cruel joke, Satsuki took an inward breath.
"I'm falling apart from the inside out. I'm feeling things I'm not used to, I'm seeing things that aren't there, and I can't sleep at night without seeing you and mom. It's all just…so scary. I feel like I'm going insane." she began, tension building up against her emotional dam.
"And I shut out the only person who can even sort of help me feel normal. I'm all alone, and it's my own fault. I don't know how much longer I can keep living like this." she choked out, tears threatening to stain her face.
"I'm mad at myself for being such a shut in, but I…feel so guilty when other people suffer because of my problems. I avoided making friends for years after you all died, because I didn't want to drag them down. Now, I don't know where to go. I feel trapped. I'm suffocating." she said, burning her face in her hands as the inevitable sobs came to shake her.
"You said that there was a person who could help you feel stable. Tell me about them." came the voice of her father. Peering at him through her fingers, Satsuki saw that his features had softened. His sternness had melted away to concern. Sniffling slightly, Satsuki wiped her nose.
"Naruto Uzumaki. He's my teammate." she said in response. Fugaku nodded, recognition of some kind crossing over his dark eyes.
"I've heard the name. What about him calms you?" he asked. Satsuki wrung her hands and kicked a twig into the fire.
"He can actually empathize with me a little. There are things he can't understand, but he doesn't treat me like some fragile little girl. He makes me laugh, too. We fight every time we talk, but even that…feels nice. He's always there, ready for another round. I can rely on him." she explained. Her father allowed a slight smile.
"I'd like him, from the sounds of it. But, if he makes you feel that way, why push him away when you're suffering?" he inquired. Satsuki pursed her lips.
"It's bad. It's really fucked up." she said bluntly. Fugaku cleared his throat. Recalling that the man had never been one to tolerate vulgarity, the younger of the two Uchiha mumbled an apology.
"I'll try to keep an open mind. Fire away." Fugaku said with a nod, gesturing for her to explain further. Satsuki took a moment to prepare her own ears for what she was about to say. She had yet to voice the ugly truth aloud, not even to herself.
"I had a nightmare, and he walked in on me hurting myself in my sleep. He tried to stop me, but I attacked him. I strangled him until his neck had bruises from my fingers. He patched me up, and he ended up holding me." she started. It was far from a fun story to tell.
"While he was holding me, I had a panic attack. All of these weird emotions started popping up inside me. I couldn't control myself. I cut his chest open with my nails, and I tried to choke him again. He kept on squeezing me. He stayed with me." she continued. With context out of the way, it was on to the aspect she dreaded explaining. The horrid thing that had scared her into isolation.
"Later that night, we were in the hospital together. He was asleep in a chair next to my bed. He still had the bruises from earlier. When I looked at them, I got…really turned on. I didn't even realize what I was doing. I snapped out of it, but I was getting off to the memory of strangling him." she finished shakily. She was on the verge of tears again. She felt utterly disgusting. She didn't dare to look her father in the eyes.
"Have you had similar feelings since?" Fugaku asked after a number of moments. Satsuki shivered as the wind picked up.
"I just try not to think about it." she said. Her father audibly sighed. Finally forcing herself to meet his gaze, Satsuki found that he looked neither ashamed of her nor off-put.
"I can't honestly say that I don't find what you just told me a bit gross. That's certainly something worth being concerned about. Sadism isn't part of you. I know you. Whatever this is, it isn't natural." he said carefully. The Uchiha girl nodded stiffly. She had felt similarly.
"What do you think I should do?" she asked. Fugaku remained silent at first, seeming to consider her question.
"There isn't an easy answer. I know you're asking for my advice, but this is something you need to figure out for yourself." he said honestly. Satsuki nodded again. She had expected as much.
"Your daughter's a headcase." she joked sadly, a melancholy look on her face. She could feel his presence fading away into the recesses of her mind. Her delusion was drawing to a close.
"Smile for me, Satsuki." Fugaku said, much to her surprise. For as puzzling as she found the request, she did as she was told, drawing on what little positive emotion she could find to draw her lips upward. Oddly enough, the simple action lifted her mood. Her father returned the smile.
"That's my girl." he said, parental affection clear in his voice. By the next time Satsuki opened her eyes, he was gone, an empty log where he'd once been sitting. The fire appeared completely dead as well. She had hallucinated its continued warmth, it seemed. She was freezing cold. Rising to her feet slowly, Satsuki wiped the tears from her eyes and looked homeward.
'Even if you weren't real, thank you, dad.'
Hiruzen straightened his robes as he stood patiently at the front gates of Konoha. Accepting guests was not generally a part of his job description, but tonight was a special case. While it was not a requirement, or even particularly commonplace, it was not unheard of that a Kage would travel to a foreign village in support of his or her genin during an internationally-hosted exam. Hiruzen himself had done it twice. Within minutes, exactly that would be occurring. Roughly two weeks prior, the elderly leader had been informed that the Kazekage would be attending the final round of the exams in support of his children, each of whom had qualified.
With his guard stationed at his back, Hiruzen smoked his pipe patiently as a set of figures emerged from the dense forest. There were five in total, with two Shinobi flanking a central figure on either side. Wearing robes that matched his own save for their color and insignia, the Kazekage calmly strolled toward the front gate. Hiruzen furrowed his brow slightly. Traveling in such a small group was certainly an odd choice for an incumbent Kage. Rather risky, in most scenarios. Shelving his nitpicks, Hiruzen slowly walked out to meet his fellow leader.
Intercepting him roughly fifteen feet from the gate, the Hokage extended a hand to the robe-clad Kage. Accepting the gesture, the Kazekage shook the hand firmly. His skin was cold.
"I apologize for the unfortunate hour. Weather hampered us a bit at the halfway point." the Kazekage explained apologetically. Hiruzen nodded, keeping a tight grip on his hand. Immediately, the old man's intuition was firing off. He had never had a particularly close relationship with Rasa of the Sand, but punctuation and planning had been two of the man's primary tenants.
"It's quite alright. I've made my share of untimely visits." he said dismissively, releasing the Kazekage's hand. Even more oddly, Rasa's face was covered from the nose down by a cloth. Such headwear was cultural to the desert. Many of their Jonin wore a similar cloth, but Rasa, from what Hiruzen knew, had never done so himself.
"Well, I suppose we could both use some rest, couldn't we? We can discuss further in the morning." the Kazekage suggested, gesturing toward the interior of the village. His voice certainly matched that of Rasa, but his choice in words was odd, as was his seeming rush to put an end to their formalities.
"I certainly don't disagree. I can have you escorted to your residence, if you'd like." Hiruzen offered. The Kazekage nodded. The elderly leader then cleared his throat, prompting two of his guards to begin leading Rasa away toward the well-kept housing in which he would be staying. All at once, the conversation was over. Hardly one hundred words exchanged, all at the behest of the Kazekage. Watching the man retreat into the village, Hiruzen still could not shake the sense that something was deeply out of place.
'Traveling more or less alone, eager to isolate.' he thought to himself. No matter what way he twisted it all, it hardly added up to a satisfying conclusion. Shaking his head and pocketing his pipe, Hiruzen looked to one of his remaining guards.
"I want him under surveillance."
A/N: Alright, so, that last scene is very short, and probably comes off as a bit rushed, but at the same time, canon quite literally never touches a moment like this, when I think it's a bit dumb not to.
There isn't a whole lot I could do with that scene other than let it be brief. I think Hiruzen would be smart enough to catch how wrong things feel.
ALSO: Next chapter. NaruSatsuki. Wholesome shit. You will get your pairing fix.
Leave me a review, if you're able :)
I love you all
Read and Review!
