A/N: This chapter will undoubtedly be a favorite for many of you, as what's about to happen will represent the cliche'd "peak" of this fic's primary pairing. Not necessarily in a happy way, but the details line up.
All down to execution on my part, so here's to hoping this scene lands the way it should. I've been looking forward to this.
Time for Chapter 57
Enjoy!
Naruto would never grow used to the silence.
He had ventured into Satsuki's empty neighborhood multiple times by this point, but each and every time he did, the utter lack of sound made him uneasy. Not even crickets could be heard beyond the front gate. Hearing one's heart in their ears had a way of getting to a person. Even now, accompanied by the only remaining person who knew their way around the sector, the blonde was undeniably nervous. In part, his mood was attributable to why he was there at all. Nothing joyous was on the horizon, as far as he could tell.
Satsuki's hold on his wrist had not wavered all throughout their journey from his apartment to the Uchiha sector, and her nails had been digging into his skin since the halfway point. He hadn't dared to complain. Everything about her radiated an aura of rigidity and a readiness to lash out at a moment's notice. He had seen her angry plenty of times, but what he was faced with now was something else entirely. She was hanging on by a thread. As with every other time the girl's stability slipped, Naruto had resolved himself to do what he could, as minor as it would likely be.
Glancing from side to side, the Jinchuuriki noted the increasingly large collections of leaves and cobwebs on the porches of the buildings and homes as they went deeper into the neighborhood. Truly, his teammate had not strayed from her chosen dwelling near the gate. She had let the sector accumulate literal and metaphorical dust. It was easily understandable, but notable all the same. All around them were the fruits of her efforts to bury the past, and yet, they were headed for the root of that history. She had never truly let go. Not in a way that mattered. Working his way around to her side, Naruto managed to match his stride to hers.
Her eyes were fixed in an unchanging straight line, and in a full minute of observation, she didn't blink even once. She was completely fixated. Relatively straightforward deduction suggested that she had made an attempt at the door alone, failed, and had come to Naruto for aid. A logical progression of events. Her demeanor remained concerning regardless. Choosing the smartest path, that being non-confrontational silence, Naruto kept his thoughts to himself as they came to the furthest side of her neighborhood. At the end of it stood her old house, in all its ominous glory.
Satsuki's pace, and Naruto's by extension, slowed somewhat as they drew closer, but they did not stop. A pause came when they reached the steps, coupled with the Uchiha breathing deep.
"Are you…" Naruto started, hesitantly speaking. He was silenced once again when she began pulling him up the stairs. Stumbling on the first step, Naruto managed to regain his balance just as they reached the porch itself. Standing up straight again, he looked to Satsuki. She was still holding onto his arm tightly, standing before the front door. She glared at it with a mix of trepidation and disdain. Then, slowly but surely, she reached out with her free hand. The Jinchuuriki could feel her shaking through the hand clamped around his forearm.
As she took hold of the door knob, Satsuki's grip on Naruto tightened even beyond the vice she already had on him. Painful as the feeling of her nails breaking his skin was, the blonde kept quiet as best he could. It took considerable time, but the girl turned the handle. With every inch it rotated, the knob creaked. Then, all at once, Satsuki shoved the door inward, sending it flying open. Naruto's arm was promptly released as she stared into the dark house. From the outside looking in, little could be seen.
Moments later, Satsuki stepped into the house. Initially, the Jinchuuriki hesitated in following her. She had not made it particularly clear what exactly she had wanted him there for beyond simply acting as a stress doll while she opened the door. Erring on the side of his concerns, Naruto entered in pursuit. What he found when he walked inside was something along the lines of his admittedly ill-informed expectations. The foyer he now stood within was mostly dark, with a small amount of moonlight streaming in through the open door.
Due to the poor lighting, he couldn't make out many features beyond the beige color of the walls. Satsuki was standing in the center of the foyer, with her eyes slightly upturned toward the ceiling, and her back was to Naruto. For what felt like an eternity, she said nothing, and moved very little. She was taking it all in. Nearly a decade had come and gone since her last entry into her family home, and the blonde could hardly imagine how tumultuous the rush of emotions she was undoubtedly experiencing was.
The room smelled of dust and stale wallpaper. Surprisingly, despite the incredibly lengthy vacancy, the house did not appear to be playing host to many rodents. Cobwebs were plentiful, but not much beyond that. After a stretch of unmoving silence, Satsuki turned and began walking down the leftmost hallway connecting to the foyer. Following her at a healthy distance, Naruto stepped over a fallen grandfather clock blocking the middle of the corridor. Satsuki soon turned into a room on the left side of the hall, to which Naruto slowly walked after her.
When he too stepped into the room, the sliding door of which was wide open, the blonde was forced to squint a tad. The space was fully illuminated by the moon. It was not a bright shading, but compared to the darkness he had been dwelling in for the better part of five minutes, it was quite a shift. His teammate was situated in the middle of the room, once again facing away from him. For the first time since their entry into the building, Satsuki spoke.
"This is the room. This is where I found my parents. They were piled up on top of each other, right here in the middle." she said, her tone incongruently calm and controlled for the words she was speaking. Sensing that she wanted no part of a conversation so much as a monologue, Naruto did not reply.
"Itachi was standing over them. His sword still had blood on it. I think I missed them by less than a minute. I swear I saw dad twitch a little when I first walked in." she said, taking a long look around the room. For the life of him, Naruto could not read her emotionally.
"I've tried to tell myself that I could've done something if I'd come sooner. That I…could have saved them. But deep down, I've always known that it just isn't true. Itachi was stronger than me. He still would be today if he were here. It's just something I use to cope." Satsuki continued. Her eyes then drifted to the right side of the room, landing on a specific section of the wall. Following her line of sight, Naruto found himself looking at an old family photo, still hanging where it had likely always been. The Uchiha took a half-step toward it, but stopped.
"While we were apart for those two weeks, I started seeing things. It was small at first. Just a reflection looking off, or something like that. Eventually, I…saw my parents. I even talked to them both. It felt so real. Like they were really there with me." she explained. Naruto felt his chest tighten up.
"I know I was just talking to myself, but somehow, it made me feel a little better. Insanity has its perks, I guess." the Uchiha said, not a trace of humor in her voice. Her shoulders then began to shake.
"You know what the fucked up part was, though?" she asked rhetorically, her eyes dropping down to the floor again. Naruto looked on sadly as the girl visibly struggled to hold herself together.
"I was disappointed that I didn't see Itachi. Not even for the reasons you'd think." she said. She had not yet shed a tear. An incredibly admirable feat given what she was putting herself through. For several moments, she said nothing. Naruto did not rush her.
"I miss the Itachi I knew. The person who was always there for me. The person who hugged me when something made me cry. The person who taught me how to throw shuriken. I…I miss my big brother." she said in a voice barely above a whisper. She then turned to face Naruto fully.
"How pathetic is that? The person I knew wasn't real. He couldn't have been. He turned around and made an orphan out of me. But I still reminisce sometimes. I get stuck daydreaming about when things were happy. I still find ways to believe the lie he made." she said. Her eyes were glassy and full of sorrow. Naruto was tongue-tied. He was at a complete loss. When Satsuki next blinked, a set of tears fell down her cheeks.
"I hate it all so damn much. I hate living in this neighborhood. I hate the special treatment I get because I was lucky enough to live. I hate being a mess all the time. I wish…he'd killed me too." she choked out, now openly weeping. Unable to handle watching her suffer at a distance any longer, Naruto strode across the rome and hugged her tightly. She made no move to return the embrace, but did not push him away.
"Why did it have to be me? Why didn't he cut me up like mom and dad?" she whimpered into his shoulder, speaking to no-one in particular. The blonde suppressed a shiver at the morbidity of her words.
"I can't answer that, but I'm glad he didn't. I never would have gotten to know you if he had." he said, using his voice for the first time in several minutes. Satsuki glanced down at one of her hands at her waist.
"You always get hurt trying to help me." she said, her tone guilty and sad. A muffled, hollow laugh escaped her.
"Maybe he rubbed off on me. I break everything I touch. The flowers I bought for my room died last week, and you're bleeding again." she mused. The Jinchuuriki shook his head. Her train of thought was obvious.
"I've met and dealt with some awful people. You aren't one of them. Not even close. Don't start thinking you are. You're better than that. You're better than him." he said firmly. Satsuki wriggled free from his arms, but stayed close to him.
"All I've ever done is pick on you and confuse you. I'm the last thing you should be caring about." she said. Naruto reached out and laid a hand on her cheek.
"Wanna know what I think?" he asked. Satsuki began to reply, but he cut her off mid-sentence by kissing her full on the mouth. The Uchiha girl let out a surprised squeak, and her eyes snapped wide, but she melted and shut her eyes again within seconds. Once he felt he had gotten his point across, Naruto broke off from her lips and rested his forehead on hers.
"Get it through your skull. I'm not gonna run away. You can't scare me off. If some cuts and bruises are what it takes, then that's alright. You're more important." he said softly. Satsuki finally wrapped her arms around him, sinking to her knees in the middle of the floor with him in tow. No words came. She simply cried into his jacket. He had comforted her through tears once prior, but they were coming with greater force and deeper roots than before.
"And before you say it, none of what happened was your fault. You didn't fail anybody." Naruto said, gingerly running a hand through her hair. Satsuki squeezed down on him with more force, boring her face into his chest. It almost felt as though, if she could, she would crawl inside his body to hide.
"I'm sorry…" she muttered hoarsely. What exactly she was apologizing for, Naruto could not tell. The sentiment still painted a clear picture of her mindset. Choosing not to enable her self-loathing with discussion, Naruto kissed the top of her head and held her. The Jinchuuriki's own emotions were less clear than he would have preferred, with a clouded haze surrounding Satsuki's name in his mind. Though he lacked the capacity to recognize it just then, the truth of his feelings was a simple one.
He loved her dearly.
Satsuki leaned her head back as the hot water poured down over her. Showers were, and always had been, the most reliable form of stress relief she knew of. Without fail, no matter the predicament, the steady rain of warmth soothed her at least enough to bring her back to neutrality. At present, it was doing its job as best it could. In truth, nothing could have fully quelled the pain coursing through the girl's veins, but if nothing else, she felt comfortable again. Facing the setting of her greatest loss at long last had been an ordeal and a half, and it was an experience she would likely never scrub from her mind.
Flashbacks had always been an issue, but they had been crushingly vivid, and suffocatingly long. She had overcome them enough to speak, an accomplishment in itself, but her own words had crumpled her down further. She had relived it all, surrounded on all sides by memories good and bad. Slicking her hair back, Satsuki located her shampoo and began to wash it. Knowing from experience that the process would be long and tedious, she continued to let her mind roam free. Muscle memory picked up the slack in between. She was both incredibly relieved to have done what she had spent years failing to do, and regretful of the path she had taken to do so.
On some level, she could feel a greater peace. She had stared into her own personal abyss, and had managed to retain herself along the way. There were aspects worth being proud of. And yet, she could not look past Naruto and his role in it all. She would not have made it past the door had he not been there, and while there was no way to be certain, Satsuki strongly suspected that her inevitable breakdown within the house would have been genuinely dangerous had she been alone. His role had been pivotal, and while she was grateful for his cooperation and unconditional support, she despised what it all meant.
She lacked the energy to be angry with herself. She had made the choice consciously, and it had proven to be a wise call in the bigger picture. All she could manage was a drab disappointment. Shelving the thoughts for the sake of not ruining what was otherwise shaping up to be an excellent shower, Satsuki turned her focus elsewhere. Bringing one of her hands up from her waist, she touched her lips with her index and middle fingers.
'First real kiss. Bad circumstances, and he could use some chap stick, but that made me happy.' she thought to herself, a slight smile creeping across her face. It was the lone positive of the night. Both his gall to follow through and the sweet words that had followed had kept her from going completely cold inside, even during the ugliest stage of her unraveling on the floor. Blinking soapy water from her eyes, Satsuki turned around and let the water fall onto her back. As she thought of her teammate, who had insisted on staying the night, a thought occurred to her.
'I really do run him ragged, don't I?' she pondered. Though the blonde certainly would have disagreed if ever asked, Satsuki was more able to view things objectively. He rarely reached out for help. Not from her, not from anyone. He was deeply scarred in his own way, with years of neglect and outright rejection hanging from his neck. He never complained. He never faltered. He just kept trekking on. In between his own pains and personal issues, he acted as her rock. Each time she found herself buckling, whether by choice or chance, she leaned on him. He had soaked up a good many of her tears.
At first, he had done little more than tolerate her abrasiveness, and give her honest feedback. Now, he was her sleeping drug, and the first thing that came to mind in a crisis. He met her needs as often as he could. In return, she had not given him a thing. Sitting down on the floor of her shower as the steam accumulated, Satsuki rested her chin on her knees.
'What did I do to get you so committed? I don't even remember when it started.' she silently asked Naruto, well aware her unspoken question would not reach his ears. She held not a shred of resentment for the boy himself, but she indeed resented how badly she clearly needed the help. Strength and independence had been the hallmarks she'd held fast to as her strongest traits, and they had failed her. She was just as vulnerable and confused as any other person.
For as much as Naruto could claim left, right, and center that he could endure any and all tribulation Satsuki brought upon him, the Uchiha knew better. Everyone had a limit, and while his was almost certainly well beyond average, it still existed. Satsuki had no interest in pushing him that far. At the very least, not without lifting him up in return if it couldn't be helped. Standing up again with a momentary slip midway, she turned off the water, and stepped out of the shower. Toweling herself off up and down her body, she exhaled heavily. It was nearly midnight. She had cried for well over an hour, and had been made a simple meal of ramen by Naruto before bathing.
As she put on a dark blue nightgown, pain seared forth from her neck. Gasping at the crippling ailment, Satsuki's legs gave out. Accompanying the physical torment of the mark attempting to spread, a violent wave of raw emotion rushed through her. Thankfully, mercifully, the renewed fuinjutsu encircling the tattoo did its job and cut the attack short. Breathing heavily as her body returned to a state of normalcy, Satsuki could taste blood in her mouth. Spitting it out onto the floor, the Uchiha bared her teeth.
"Fuck off. Tonight's already sucked enough." she hissed, laboring up to her feet and throwing the bathroom door open with a slamming sound. Ignoring the bloody saliva she'd left on the tile, she trudged down the hallway. Seconds later, she entered the kitchen, where she found Naruto laying half-asleep across her dining room table. Her freshly aggravated mood softened significantly at the sight of him.
"How was your shower?" he asked groggily, sitting up straight and yawning. The Uchiha girl bit back an honest reply, having no desire to stretch him out any further.
"Warm and steamy." she answered, making her way over to him and pulling the blonde to his feet. It took considerable effort. He was heavier than he looked.
"I don't wanna sound like a brat, but can we go to bed? I'm barely awake." Naruto requested through a second yawn. Satsuki guided him out into the hallway, steering him in the direction of her room.
"That makes two of us. Let's knock out for a few years."
"You told me once that you dislike stargazing. I just don't understand it."
"Did I say that? I don't really remember."
Haku rolled her eyes and moved a piece across the board. Shikamaru Nara was an inconsistent conversationalist. When he had the energy, he was deeply interesting and well-considered. He even possessed a dry sense of humor when the mood struck him. At the best of times, he was utterly fascinating to speak to. Currently, however, he was operating at far less than maximum capacity. Understandably so, given that he was still sporting a fever of one-hundred-three degrees. Haku herself had a fever to match, though hers was less severe.
Falling ill had been a given, and she had expected it, but pneumonia was an extremely unpleasant sickness. Her nose ran constantly, her throat was raw at all times, and her head was pounding. It was a worthwhile price, and she did not regret it, but being ill had a way of sapping the excitement out of anything and everything. She had spent the better part of four days learning the ins and outs of Shogi from the genin, and initially, she had been blown away by the sheer depth of his knowledge. He had an answer for every one of her questions, and they were unfailingly detailed.
But as the pneumonia set in, the fun had drained from their games. Both were so completely occupied with their symptoms that the matches were sloppy and half-hearted. They always ended the same way, with Shikamaru decisively winning, but there had been moments of drama sprinkled in before the sickness had sapped them of their enthusiasm.
'Even half-dead, he's untouchable on a game board.' Haku thought to herself as she was out-positioned by the Nara. She had known that he was intelligent, it had been the very first thing that had drawn her in, but to see those smarts applied was a sight to behold. Seeing no way out of the corner he'd corralled her into, the huntress threw up her hands melodramatically.
"I'm finished. You've beaten me. Whatever will I do?" she said theatrically, squeezing as much energy into her voice as she could muster. Shikamaru chuckled hoarsely, sweeping all the pieces off the board.
"Lose to me again, probably. I'm kinda sick of this, though. No pun intended." he said honestly. Haku nodded in agreement. The genin then pushed the board aside, leaving empty space between them. For a time, they sat wordlessly, with the only sounds coming from their sniffling noses. In the midst of the silence, Shikamaru tipped onto his side. The position he wound up in hardly looked comfortable, with his neck bending uncomfortably as his head touched the floor.
"I'm sorry for getting you sick. You didn't deserve this." he mumbled. Haku furrowed her brow. It was a new tune. He had appeared rather in-touch with her decision to be ill alongside him, but he had apparently hidden his true feelings on the matter.
"I chose this, so save your breath. I'm having a great time, actually." she shot back. The Nara snorted and licked his dry lips.
"That's bullshit." he said tiredly. Though Haku initially began to retort, as bickering was at least more interesting than unchanging small talk, she stopped when she recognized an opportunity.
"Well, do you want to make it up to me, then?" she inquired, drawing Shikamaru's lethargic gaze.
"Yeah, sure, but I can't do much right now" he said with a shrug. Haku took the cue with both hands and crawled over to him. When she was close enough, she draped herself down over the top of him. To her surprise, she received no complaints or immediate recoil from the Nara.
"Let me snuggle you. That should be easy enough." she murmured into his ear, her head resting on the back of his shoulder. Shikamaru shifted a bit underneath her, but made no effort to escape.
"I'm really bony, but suit yourself." he said. Haku smiled internally, letting out a contented sigh as they laid in an awkward pile on the floor.
"I think we're quite well-suited, personally." she said, finding his right hand with her left and intertwining their fingers. The genin studied their bound hands for a moment before offering her a surprising squeeze of the palm.
"Yeah, you're pretty neat." he admitted. It was a small plaudit, barely a step beyond basic politeness, but Haku's cheeks turned pink all the same. Choosing to savor the compliment, the huntress said nothing.
"Don't you have to be back at the barracks soon? You usually leave sooner." Shikamaru eventually asked. Haku took a quick glance up at the clock. It was eleven fifty-five. Forty minutes past her curfew. Her platoon captain had been lenient in the past, but pushing her luck was unwise. Especially while effectively quarantined in her bunk.
"Five more minutes?" she requested hopefully. Shikamaru wiped his nose with his sleeve and let a hint of a smile show.
"Just don't get yourself in trouble."
A/N: Alright, so I personally feel like the middle scene of this chapter is a little clunky, but I don't think it's too bad. I ADORE the first and third scenes, though. Quite proud of them.
I gave you all the first actual kiss. I hope you're happy. Tried to add some interesting stuff to the house scene in terms of Satsuki's dialogue.
Tell me what you thought! I'd love to hear your opinions :)
I love you all
Read and Review!
