CHAPTER TWO
If it weren't Ben's lap she's halfway sitting on, this flight would be almost unbearable. The X-Wing was only designed for one person and that had been painfully obvious as Rey and Ben climbed in and attempted to share the seat as respectfully as possible. The end result being that Ben is perched on the left and Rey is on the right side of the seat, her legs and upper body partially on top of his.
Steering the jet from this position is awkward, but she manages well enough. She's not exactly comfortable, but it does feel nice to have Ben so close to her, especially when he's sleeping so soundly she's felt compelled to check that he's still breathing more than once. The fact that he's able to sleep like this at all is a testament to how worn out he is. She knows firsthand that returning from the brink of death is an exhausting experience.
Without having him to talk to, she finds herself utterly alone with her thoughts for the first time in a while. This is nothing like the trip from Ahch-To to Exegol, where all she could think about was stopping Palpatine. And that was less of a thought and more of a steady pounding in her head — her own personal war drum. All she could focus on then was the mission that much be accomplished by whatever means necessary.
But now, in the silence, with the stars and planets stretching out endlessly before her, her head is clear and she can focus on anything she wants.
What is she going to say when they arrive at the base? Ben was right — they won't accept him as easily as she tried to make it sound. They very well might not accept him at all. And who could blame them? How many people in the Resistance were hurt or lost homes or loved ones because of his actions? How many people saw him and could only ever see him as the monster he was shaped into?
If she didn't know him the way that she knows him, if she couldn't feel his soul like it was a part of her own, she doesn't know how receptive she would be to having him around either.
Unintentionally, a giggle escapes from her mouth. Then another. It's wholly inappropriate for the situation and she knows that, but she's laughing and she can't stop.
Was it really just a day or so ago that she was fighting him in the Death Star and stabbing him with her lightsaber? Was it really that recently that she fought a Sith vision of herself, and he smashed a Wayfinder, and she tried to throw her lightsaber in a fire? Not so long ago, she didn't even have a last name and now she's a Palpatine, one half of a dyad, all of the Jedi. How could so much be so different so quickly?
She tries to stop laughing, but the harder she tries, the harder she laughs. She can hear the laughter turning manic, then hysterical, then into broken sobs, but it's as if she doesn't have control over her own body anymore.
She feels as if she's simply sitting next to herself, watching herself lose control and hoping she's not losing her mind.
No, she's not going insane, she decides a moment later, when she finally managed to take a breath. Her brain simply is not able to process everything that's happened all at once.
So she'll deal with it in bits and pieces.
So recently it's almost comical, she was fighting Kylo Ren. She stabbed Kylo Ren. She healed him and she left.
And then Ben came to help her. Ben saved her life.
And now she's going to help him rebuild his.
She told him — she promised him — that she would make the others welcome him. So somehow, that's what she's going to do. She's not a fool. She knows it won't happen immediately, but maybe over time, they'll be able to see him for who he is and not who he was.
It doesn't take long to touch down at the Resistance base. There's an empty space that almost seems as if it was left clear for her.
Inside the X-Wing, everything is silent. But everything around the jet is a flurry of motion. People are running toward each other, embracing, laughing, crying, sometimes all at once. She can see Chewie not too far away — Wookies really do stand out in a crowd. Finn and Poe will probably be nearby, but even if they're not, they'll be together. She's sure of that.
She scans the crowd for one more familiar face, though she already knows deep down that she won't see it.
Leia is not with the revelers, or comforting the mourners, or conferring with the strategists. She's not welcoming Resistance members back or overseeing the care of injured fighters. She she's not waiting for Rey or her son.
If she was alive, she would have felt the shift in the Force. She would have known that Rey had prevailed over Palpatine and that Ben had returned to the light.
And she would have been waiting for them.
Does Ben know with the same certainty that she does, that his mother is gone? He must. He must have known it the second it happened.
The full impact of the loss will hit her later. For right now it's a dull ache that's swirling around with all of the other conflicting emotions that she's not totally sure how to deal with inside her.
Rey takes a deep breath and prepares to get out of her seat. There's no more time to stall. It's not that she doesn't want to reunite with her friends, it's simply that she has no clue what she's going to say. With everything that's happened, to all of them, what words could even be said?
She unclicks the seatbelt and slowly starts pulling her legs off of Ben. She doesn't realize until she moves them how shaky they still are. Every ache and pain that dulled while she was sitting is slowly returning.
Just as she's about to fully pull herself off the seat, Ben stirs.
A small part of her had thought he'd sleep through the whole day. If he could sleep in a moving jet surely he could sleep in an idle one.
But there he is, eyes mostly open, head lifted up as much as it seems he can manage, gripping her hand.
"Hi. We're here," she says, suddenly embarrassed that her grand plan was to leave him alone in here for an indeterminate amount of time, right after telling him she wasn't going to leave him alone. How would he have felt when he eventually woke up?
"I can sense your unease," he frowns. "You don't have to let me stay here. If you regret what you said earlier, I'll understand."
"No," she snaps. "You asked me to join you so many times, but it was always the wrong way. Now I'm asking you to join me. The right way. I'm just not sure what I'm walking into."
Ben squeezes her hand a little more tightly.
"My mother is dead," he says.
The bluntness, the truth, of his words elicit tears that well in her eyes.
"I believe so," she replies, not bothering to hide the way her voice shakes.
"On Kef Bir, I heard her voice. Then I felt it. I think you might have felt it too. But I knew it for certain in those minutes I spent dying. I saw her. She was waiting for me.
He's rested his head on her shoulder, his face turned into her neck so his words are a little muffled.
"She was waiting? For you to become one with the Force?" she asks,
"No," he inhales deeply. "I don't think that was it. I think she was waiting to tell me to go back."
"And you did."
"For once, I was able to do what she asked of me."
They stay silent for a few minutes. It's the last peaceful moment either of them are likely to experience for a while, and Rey wishes she could prolong it just a bit more. But there's work to be done and it won't happen inside this jet.
"I should go out first," she sighs. "I'll let them know everything that's happened. Prepare them."
"For me." The look of guilt in Ben's eyes is unmistakeable.
"Yes," she says. "I'd rather they not start shooting at you on sight."
He presses his lips to her shoulder.
"Thank you," he whispers.
"Thank me later," she says.
She gently pulls herself away from him and opens the door to the X-Wing. As she steps out of the jet, she looks back once more, just in time to see Ben fully slide into the seat, slouched enough to be somewhat inconspicuous. He gives her a slight smile as he watches her go.
It shouldn't surprise her that she's able to pick her friends out of a crowd as easily as she does. They've spent so much time together that she'd be able to recognize them anywhere. She walks through the crowd, feeling herself pick up speed. By the time she actually sees Poe and Finn — standing close together as she expected — she's broken into a full run.
They see her a half a second after she sees them and before she knows it all three of them are hugging, hands clasped together.
She shuts her eyes ,and for what must been the millionth time today, it seems impossible that she's alive and so are they and the worst of this whole thing is finally over.
"Welcome back," Poe says, when they finally all pull away from each other. "Been a hell of a day."
"Understatement of the year," Finn says, rolling his eyes, but shooting a warm smile at Poe.
"I can't believe you're both okay," Rey sighs.
"We can't believe you're okay. All we could see was lightning and explosions for a while."
"That sums it up, more or less."
"I wish we could have been down there to help you."
"You helped more than enough."
"But for you to be there all alone—"
"Well, I wasn't entirely alone."
"What do you mean?" Poe asks.
Rey can feel her heart hammering in her chest. This is the moment. She has to tell them, and explain it well enough that they'll understand. Words have never come to her as easily as action does, but her words cannot fail her now.
"I mean," she says, willing her voice to steady itself, "that I was not alone down there. In fact, if I had been alone, I would still be in Exegol, buried under a pile of rubble and certainly not alive."
"But how is that possible? We didn't see anyone go that way." Confusion is written all over Finn's face.
"And I was in communication with all of our people. Nobody mentioned going to find you." Poe's face is mirroring Finn's. Their twin expressions would be amusing under different circumstances.
Suddenly, she realizes how dry her throat is. It's been at least half a day since she last had a sip of water.
"You wouldn't have seen him. He wasn't one of our people. He is now." The words are getting progressively getting harder and harder for her to say.
After everything she's endured, how could this be so frightening?
"Well who was it?" Finn asks, bending down a little so he's at her eye-level.
"I'll introduce you if you swear you trust me," she says.
"Obviously we trust you. C'mon, I'd like to shake the hand of the man who helped us win this thing," Poe presses.
She takes a deep breath and locks eyes with Poe and then with Finn.
"It was Ben."
"Ben," Poe mutters. "I don't think I know a Ben. Ben… Ben who?"
They look at her, expectant. It's only one word…
"Solo."
Poe frowns as understands washes over Finn's face.
"Ben— Kylo Ren?!" Poe shouts. He's loud enough that a few people nearby look over.
"Quiet," Rey snaps.
"Are you insane?" Poe whisper-screams. "You brought Kylo Ren back to a camp full of innocent people who spent the past several years doing everything they could to fight him?"
"I brought Ben Solo back."
"He's the same person!"
A small vein is pulsing in Poe's neck. Finn puts a hand on his shoulder.
"Let's give Rey a chance to explain," Finn whispers.
"You're right," Poe sighs. "There's gotta be a reason she's done something so reckless and irrational."
"Once I explain you'll see it was neither of those things," Rey says.
She looks around, trying to find a more secluded place for their conversation. There's a bench off to the corner. She leads them to it, feeling an odd mix of relief and a sense of urgency.
As soon as they sit down, she launches into an account of everything that happened from Ahch-To to Exegol to the long trip back to the X-Wing. Finn and Poe don't move. They keep their eyes locked on her, entirely rapt.
"I truly would have been dead without him," Rey emphasizes once she's gotten thought the whole story. "I actually was dead for a minute or two."
"I thought so," Finn says. "I felt it."
"You—"
"We'll talk about it later."
He felt it? Does that mean he's… Well he's right — they should talk about it later.
"Keeping secrets?" Poe says, finally pulling his eyes from Rey to look at Finn.
"We'll all talk about it later," Finn looks to Poe before returning to Rey. "So what now?"
Rey shuts her eyes and gathers her thoughts. Things have gone well so far. Nobody's interrupted or protested or stormed the X-Wing to forcibly remove Ben. But that doesn't mean they're going to like anything she says from this point on.
"I'm not asking you to be his friend right away," she starts, "or even to like him. But he is on our side now and he has more than earned a chance to make amends."
"How are we supposed to even start to trust this guy?" Poe says. She can tell it's a struggle for him to keep his voice down. "Do you know what he's done?"
"Of course I know, and he knows, and we're bonded in the Force so I can feel his constant regret and guilt over all of it."
Finn squints.
"So, bonded in the Force? That's a real thing?" he asks.
"A very complicated thing, but yes. Please. All I'm asking is for you to give him a chance."
The two men look to each other and Rey can see the silent conversation in their eyes. A chance. That shouldn't be too much to ask, should it?
Finally, Poe sighs and turns to look at her.
"If you truly believe this is the right thing to do, I'm willing to take the risk. But he'll have to be monitored, round-the-clock security, at least for a while. I won't put any of these people in danger. Not after everything we've been through."
She can feel all the muscles in her body relax. It's as good of an answer as she could have hoped for.
"Thank you," she launches herself at Poe and pulls him into another hug.
"Not that you've ever really listened to me before, but be careful with him. With his history of violence and — well obviously his parents were good people — but the family member he's always taken after, his grandfather—"
"Mine was worse."
"What?" Poe pulls back to look at her.
"There's one more thing I need to tell you both."
A/N: I'll be trying to update a little more frequently but thanks for all of your reviews/follows/favorites so far! I'm very excited to keep letting this story unfold xx
