CHAPTER SIX

It's a short walk from the main clearing to the private room she knows Ben is being kept in, but time seems to move exponentially slower with every step she takes.

A little over a day is not so long to go without seeing someone. She has no reason to be this eager to see him right this minute, especially when he could very well have fallen back asleep by the time she actually reaches him.

She has no reason for her heart to be pounding, no reason to be thinking so deeply about what she might say to him, what state he might be in when she finally slings open the door. She has no reason, except for the fact that it's not just "someone" she's going to see. It's him.

The door feels a little bit heavier than it actually is — one of the few remaining indications that she's not back to full health yet — but she still manages to heave it open and step inside.

"You came."

Just the sound of his voice feels as refreshing and exhilarating and good to her heart as the shower felt to her body earlier today. It fills up some space in her that she hadn't even known existed until now.

A few florescent lights keep the room unnaturally bright compared to the growing darkness outside. He's half propped up on a bed that's dangerously close to being too small for him, his hair is messy and sleep-rumpled, he's hooked up to several more machines than she was — including something that's keeping one of his legs entirely from view — and his face is set in a stoic, if not a little pained, expression. But he's here, and alive, and she can hear the smile in his voice even if it hasn't quite reached his mouth.

"Of course I did," she says.

Overwhelming relief. Joy. Gratitude.

She feels all of it rush through their bond. And it's tinged with something else… something like… guilt?

"I didn't mean to pull you away from your friends," he murmurs, and the guilt pulses more strongly through the bond.

"If I hadn't wanted to be here, I wouldn't," she says simply.

She can both see and feel him relax by just a fraction.

It's still so new, to be this close to him with neither of them brandishing a weapon or trying to figure out what their next move should be. With all those distractions, she'd never noticed just how strong their connection is. Or perhaps it's strengthened itself and is getting stronger still.

She takes a few more steps into the room and lets the steel door click closed behind her.

"How are you feeling?" She looks around, trying to find a place to sit among the several medical apparatuses filling the room.

It's either the floor or the edge of his bed, and while she doesn't relish the idea of sitting on the floor, she's genuinely not sure if there's any room for her to even perch on the edge of the bed.

"I can't say this is the best I've ever felt. Physically, at least."

She looks around again. It's not as if a chair will magically appear, but she still kind of hopes one does somehow. Just as she's about to settle for the floor, Ben grips the edges of his bed and pulls himself a little to the side. His injured leg seems completely immobilized, but the rest of him moves enough to leave a sliver of space on the mattress open.

"You don't have to," she says.

"I know." He gingerly reaches an arm out.

Rey notes the wince that flashes across his face before he schools his expression back to something more neutral so quickly it seems like second nature to him. Because it probably is like second nature to him. How long has he been doing that, she wonders. How long has he been policing his own face, refusing to show even a moment of pain?

Long enough, she guesses, that he seems to do it subconsciously, even now, even here, where there's absolutely no threat of danger, no one watching for a sign of weakness.

"Are you sure?" she asks.

He nods, arm still outstretched, eyes softening. Her mind flashes to another time when they'd been alone in a room together, about this far apart, with his hand reaching for hers. She hadn't been able to take it that time, but there's nothing stopping her now.

She takes the few steps needed to close the gap between them and laces her fingers between his.

He sighs so quietly she halfway thinks she imagined it.

Rey sits down, more than a little pleased to see that there's just enough space for her to sit as long as she stays pressed closely to his side, their joined hands resting between them.

"Did you have a good day?" Ben asks. "Maz told me you were well enough to be up and about."

"She was supposed to let me know when you were awake," Rey frowns.

"It's probably good she didn't. I was in and out of consciousness for a while. If you'd come here, you would have just found me passed out, most likely."

Well, that would explain why she hadn't felt the Force bond all day.

"I got to catch up with everybody, meet some new members," she says. "It was tiring but good. How's your leg?"

"Several broken bones, torn ligaments, walking on it for so long didn't do me any favors, but we didn't have any other choice," Ben frowns.

Rey instinctually reaches for the leg in question before pulling her hand back — if it's in that bad of shape, surely he wouldn't want anyone to touch it.

"You'll be okay though?"

"I should be," Ben hesitates. "Although — and I'm pretty sure she didn't mean it — but Maz did very briefly threaten that if I do any more damage to it, they'll have to chop it off."

"What? That— that would horrible."

"I don't know. I spent so many years wanting to be like my grandfather, maybe losing a limb would serve me right."

She looks up, about to chastise him for saying such a terrible thing about himself… and then she notices the slight upward curve of his mouth.

A smiling — joking? — Ben Solo is certainly something she could get used to.

"Don't worry," he continues. "Other than the stitches and bone setting and threats, my day hasn't been the worst."

"You weren't too bored? For the parts of it you were awake for."

"Not at all. Chewbacca kept me company."

"That's nice."

There's a pause, and his grip on her hand tightens a little, and the emotion in his voice is apparent when he finally speaks.

"It was."

She returns the pressure on her hand with a squeeze of her own and cranes her neck to look up at him, both startled and entirely unsurprised at the wetness in his eyes.

Rey leans her head on his shoulder, careful not to put too much of her weight into it as Ben takes one steadying breath then another.

"Are you sure you have enough room with me here?"

Ben nods his response.

"I promise you I'm more okay than all of this makes it seem," he says.

She'd been too overwhelmed with just the sight of him to even notice until now that his torn, black tunic is gone. It's been replaced by a new shirt — soft, cotton, cream-colored.

Rey lifts her head and looks up at him.

"You look nice in this," she says. "I've never seen you in anything but all black ensembles."

He's even paler than usual so it's impossible to miss the pink tinge that blooms on his cheeks.

"My fashion sense has always been limited."

As quickly as it appeared, the brightness in his eyes fades and is replaced with a furrowed brow as his lips press together in a thin line.

"What is it?" She tightens her grip on his hand at the same moment he lets out a huff.

"Most people still don't know I'm here, do they? I saw the way Maz and the medics were slipping in, like they didn't want to be noticed."

She won't lie to him. She's already promised herself that much. So she opts to say only as much as she needs to.

"Some people know you're here, but not everyone, not yet."

"When will they?"

"There's been a conversation," she says carefully, "about telling people in a couple of days. During a meeting."

"A meeting?"

"Yes."

"With everyone on the base?"

She nods, refusing to break eye contact. She can see him looking deeper, groping through the bond for the meaning behind her words. But it would do no good for him to feel the nerves and uncertainty that she feels about what tomorrow might hold.

"A meeting, with the entire Resistance, about me."

"Well there's more items on the list to discuss than just you—"

"A trial."

"Don't be dramatic."

"You're worried it's a trial."

She takes a breath. The fluorescent lights wash out some of the color of his eyes, making them seem more dark and uniform in their shade of brown. But she can still see the depth behind them, can still see the fear right underneath the carefully crafted stoicism he's struggling to keep a hold on.

Well, she's promised herself she won't lie to him.

"Yes," she sighs, "I am worried. But I shouldn't be, because it all will be okay."

"And if it's not? If they truly don't want me here?"

"Then I'll hold another trial, or non-trial. I'll hold as many of these meetings as I need for them to see sense."

She can feel that prickling sting behind her eyes a second before she feels Ben's thumb gently stroking the back of her hand.

It's ridiculous, she thinks, for him to be the one comforting her, when he's the one who's still injured, the one who's going to be on trial—

No, it's not a trial and she won't let herself think of it that way.

"Rey," Ben says. She can hear the effort it's taking for him to keep his voice even. "They're well within their rights to tell me to leave. To be honest, they're well within their rights to do much worse than that. If they don't want me here, I can't stay. I can't inflict any more pain than I already have on these people."

The stinging in her eyes gets worse and despite her attempts at blinking rapidly and looking up at the ceiling and scrunching her eyes shut when the other two techniques don't work, tears trickle down her face.

How could he possibly think leaving is an option when they've gone through so much, survived against every odd, just to get here? When they're finally starting to understand the true depth of this connection they have?

"I'm not planning on leaving," he murmurs into the top of her head. "Trust me, I'm not. You say they'll forgive me, I believe you. You know them far better than I do. But I'm just saying, on the off-chance they don't… it wouldn't really scream 'I'm reformed, and I respect you all' if I forced my presence on everybody."

He has a point, she knows he does, but even entertaining the thought of him disappearing again is too much to handle right now.

She feels him press a kiss to the top of her head before he continues speaking.

"We'll just have to do a very good job of convincing everyone, that's all."

"We?" She wipes at her face with her free hand and twists a little so she can look up at him again.

"Yes. You and me. We."

"No, no. I will."

"It's my trial—"

"It's not a trial—"

"It's my not-a-trial," he rolls his eyes, "I have to be there."

"You're still bedridden."

"I'm sure I could walk if I wanted to," he says, less than convincingly.

"Maz threatened to cut off your leg."

"I could manage for a few minutes."

"Could you?"

His hesitation is all the answer she needs.

"You will stay here and rest." She tries to put as much authority as she can behind her voice without outright using the Force to command him to listen to her. "You will get better and I will speak on your behalf."

He huffs, and Rey is certain a pout is forming on his lips. It's such a childish look on him, so at odds with his broad frame and large features and manly hands, one of which is still brushing rhythmically against hers.

"I'm going to have to speak for myself eventually."

"I know. And you'll have plenty of time for that. After the meeting."

She can finally see the faintest hint of a smile returning to his lips. She doesn't think she'll ever get tired of seeing that.

He unlaces their fingers and moves his arm to wrap around her shoulders, pulling her even closer to him. She nuzzles a little into his chest and can feel heat emanating even through the heavy cloth. He's so warm, so much warmer than he was when they made their way out of Exegol, warmer even than he felt during the flight on the X-Wing.

Rey thinks absently that she probably wouldn't even need a blanket if she were to ever sleep in the same bed as him.

She's not even sure where that thought came from but she can already feel a slight flush in her cheeks. She's not the type to blush easily, but even lying here innocently, so close to him, alone and safe for once, is a more intimate situation than she's ever been in with… anyone.

"Am I going to get to meet your friends soon?" he asks, breaking her out of her reverie.

"I hope so. It would be nice for you all to be able to chat now that you aren't trying to murder each other."

She feels Ben tense underneath her for a second, but then he lets out a breath and squeezes her a little tighter.

"Tell me some more about them? I want to make sure I know who's who," he says.

So Rey does. She tells him about Finn and Poe and Rose and Kaydel and Jannah. She tells him about all the times they've looked out for each other, all the ways they've helped each other over the years. There isn't time to go over everything — she'd need hours, days, weeks maybe, to do that — but she tells him enough to give him a good idea of who they all are to each other.

Somewhere in the middle of it all, she finds herself lying on her side facing Ben, who's twisted his torso in what she hopes isn't an uncomfortable position to face her.

She tells him about Finn's newfound Force sensitivity as Ben carefully traces little circles on her shoulder.

She tells him about what good care they're taking of all the new Resistance members as he moves his hand from her shoulder to the nape of her neck and massages gently there.

And then she runs out of things to tell him because he's moved that hand again, but now it's brushing against her cheekbone with the backs of his fingers and he's looking at her so softly, she's forgotten how to form words.

"I'm still listening," he encourages when she doesn't say anything for several long seconds. "I just… like looking at you. Sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

"I don't know."

And then neither one of them are talking, they're too wrapped up in each other for that.

Rey isn't sure if she initiated it or if he did this time, but it really doesn't matter. Their lips are on each other and his hand is on her back and one of her hands is in his hair and she can feel that he's being careful, can sense that he's giving her room to pull back, but she doesn't.

She's not even sure when this shift in the way she feels for Ben came — maybe it was on the cold ground of Exegol, maybe in that hut sitting across from each other by the fire in Ahch-To, maybe some time in between all of that — but it came nonetheless, and she's glad it did. This is all uncharted territory for her, unfamiliar in every aspect. But it's a comfort to sense the same nerves, the same tentative excitement, that she's feeling echo through the bond from him as well.

She opens her mouth and that's all the invitation he needs to deepen the kiss and slide his tongue against hers. She can feel his hand sliding up and down her back, ghosting across her ribs, moving to her waist. She can feel his hair tangled in her fingers, just as soft as it's always looked, even after everything he's been through. And she can feel warmth, all the heat exuding from his body, amplified now that they're so close, but it's not just him — she feels warmer than usual as well…

Rey loses track of time. At some point he moves his mouth to her cheek, then her jaw, then her neck. And then that becomes a pattern all of its own — mouth, cheek, jaw, neck, mouth cheek

She has no idea how much time has passed when she finally feels Ben stifle a yawn against her neck.

"Bored?" she teases.

"Anything but," Ben grins, looking up at her. He tries and fails to fight back another yawn, and that's when Rey notices the dark circles under his eyes.

"You need to rest," she says as she strokes a stray lock of hair out of his face. "Go to sleep."

"I don't want to say goodnight to you yet," he murmurs against her jaw.

Rey hesitates. Truth be told, she's not ready to say goodnight yet either. But it would be selfish of her to keep him up when he so clearly is exhausted.

"I could… stay here?" she offers.

"No," Ben says, and both the swiftness and finality of his response hit her like a sharp punch to the chest.

"Wait, no, I only meant—" he continues, and if the look of panic in his eyes is any indication, she must look as deflated as she feels, "I only meant… I don't sleep well. I haven't slept well in years. It's fitful and would be unpleasant for you and I don't—"

"Okay, it's okay," she brushes his hair back again. "I'll see you in the morning. It's been a long day for me too."

He lands one final peck on her lips before she pulls away and finds her footing back on the floor.

"Goodnight," Rey says once she reaches the door.

"'Night," he replies drowsily.

She turns to look at him one last time until tomorrow.

"And just so you know, no matter what happens tomorrow, I'm not giving up on you, Ben Solo."

There's that smile again — careful, soft, sleepier now than it was before — and Rey holds on to that image in her mind as she makes the very short trek from his room to her own little bed.

She turns off all the lights and tucks herself in, finally noticing the way all her muscles are shaking and her joints are aching. But it doesn't bother her — she's better than she was yesterday and tomorrow she will be better than she is today.

Then, after she's rolled over eat least three times trying to find a comfortable sleeping position, the bond clicks into place yet again.

The connection isn't strong enough for her to see him — they're both too tired for that — but it is enough to hear him. His voice is like a whisper in her ear.

"Maybe… we could talk until we fall asleep?"

"I'd like that," she replies.

And that's exactly what they do, although technically, it's Rey doing most of the talking. She rambles on about her life on Jakku, answering his questions about how she survived on her own for so long, skimming over the more painful parts, describing her tiny little home.

She's not sure how long she talks for, but eventually she feels a slight breeze, which —considering the rest of the air in the room is still — can only be a product of the Force.

The little breeze brushes past her face and pushes a tendril of her hair back. And then the connection goes quiet and Rey knows he must be asleep.

No, she thinks as she closes her eyes, there's no way she's giving up on Ben Solo.