Yoichi was cold, wet, hungry, and some very rude person had just slapped him on the bottom. He opened his mouth to protest this indignity. A wail emerged.
"Ms. Midoriya, I'm pleased to report your son has a healthy set of lungs." A giant woman in a nurse's uniform held him up, her hands large enough to cover his blanket-wrapped body.
Wait. Was she giant, or was he small? He looked down at a tiny, red fist poking out of a blanket. His fist? The fingers moved when he tried to twitch.
He remembered dying. He'd spent decades in the Void of One for All, greeting each new user after they fell. Now he appeared to be a baby. He put two and two together. Reincarnation.
Why now, of all times? All Might had been doing so well, taking down countless of All for One's allies. (He preferred not to think of that man as Hisashi or big brother.) It had seemed like the purpose of One for All might finally be getting close to being fulfilled.
At least this explained why the Second had vanished recently, to everyone's consternation. Would they run into each other again? That would be the one silver lining to this otherwise miserable situation.
Yoichi tried to speak. Only baby babble emerged. Ugh. He was in for a rough next few years. He didn't even want to think about it.
A green-haired woman lay in a hospital bed, exhausted but smiling as brightly as the sun. She extended her arms. "Please, let me hold him."
This woman must be his mother. (Wasn't that a strange thought?) She kissed his forehead and cooed. "I love you, little Yoichi."
His name was going to be Yoichi this time around too? What a strange coincidence. Or at least it had damn well better be a coincidence. Because if not…when he thought about who'd named him the first time and might very well pick the same name again because that certain someone loved to repeat his mistakes…
"My turn next, Inko," a smooth, dark voice said.
Yoichi went stiff. It couldn't be. Surely karma wouldn't be so cruel to him.
Large hands scooped him up. Curly white hair and red eyes stared down at him. All for One's eyes.
If fate had a will, it wasn't on his side.
Yoichi started screaming. He couldn't help it. Fat tears rolled down his cheeks. This body responded with crying at the slightest provocation. It mortified him. Especially given who was staring at him in puzzlement.
"Did I do something wrong?" Hisashi asked, gazing at his wife imploringly.
Inko smiled gently. "Babies cry. There doesn't even need to be a reason. But if I had to guess, he's just fussy about being handed around so many times."
"There, there," Hisashi said, rocking Yoichi back and forth. "Darling! He's still crying! Do you think something's wrong? Should we call in the doctor for an examination?"
"You're such an overprotective worrywart." Inko laughed. "I thought you'd gotten all the panicking out of your system with Izuku. Remember how you used to have the doctor on speed dial every time he so much as sniffled?"
Yoichi was so surprised, he stopped crying. I thought you'd gotten all the panicking out of your system with Izuku. What did that mean?
As if to answer his question, a curly-haired boy ran into the room, ducking under the nurse's legs. He looked maybe three years old, with green hair to match his eyes, freckles, and a gap-toothed grin.
The nurse grabbed the back of his shirt. The boy struggled. "I want to meet my new little brother!"
"I'm afraid he's crying—oh, he's stopped." Hisashi peered down at the baby in his arms, not seeming to notice the glare in response. "Very well. Come over here."
Wide-eyed, the little boy trundled over.
Hisashi knelt down and placed Yoichi into the toddler's arms. "Izuku, this is your little brother, Yoichi Midoriya."
So Izuku was his nephew. Err, older brother in this lifetime? Boy, was that going to get confusing very quickly. Yoichi felt a headache coming on.
"Aw, he's so cute," Izuku said, peering down at him.
In his adult mind, this child was the cute one. Just look at those glistening, innocent eyes. What an angel!
Hisashi kept an arm around both of them, holding Izuku steady just in case his grip on the infant faltered. The toddler was vibrating with energy and excitement. Izuku babbled, "He's looking right at me. Do you think he likes me? I want him to like me!"
"He's going to love you," Inko said indulgently. "You're such a sweet boy, who wouldn't?"
"My two dear babies have the same beautiful eyes," Hisashi said. "It looks like Yoichi got my hair." He touched the small white patch. "Now I'm glad I lost the coin toss on who was going to name our first child. This one looks more like a Yoichi."
Yoichi spat, landing a loogie on Hisashi's hand.
Hisashi wiped it off. "The resemblance is uncanny!"
At least it didn't sound like his older brother had named him because he knew about or had arranged the reincarnation. That was a small blessing. Yoichi had been terrified to even think about that worst case scenario.
Inko said, "I think it's a little strange that we're naming our second son something meaning First Son, but it's a pretty enough name, and I did promise to let you pick this time."
"Not First Son, I'm using the kanji for First Gift," Hisashi said. "When my parents let me name my younger brother, and I picked that name because he was the most precious gift to enter my life." His gaze became distant.
Izuku looked up. "I have an uncle?"
"He died long before you were born." Grief filled these words. Hisashi's arms tightened around his children. As soon as he got within range, Yoichi tried to bite him, but he didn't seem to notice.
"That must have hurt you so much, Dad." Izuku looked up with big eyes. "I'm sorry."
Hisashi said, "You're a big brother now. It's a huge responsibility. You'll have to guide Yoichi and protect him."
"Uh-huh. I promise." Izuku nodded. "I'm going to be the best big brother ever!"
Even the second time around, Yoichi still had to be the younger brother, to someone mentally much more immature than him. Fate had definitely nerfed him.
Hisashi leaned over Yoichi, making funny faces. He crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue.
This was ridiculous. Didn't the head of Japan's criminal underworld have any sense of shame, acting like this? Yoichi felt embarrassed to have lost to someone like this. He stared at his big brother, unimpressed.
Hisashi sighed and petted his youngest son's thin white hair. "I still can't make you smile, can I?"
From the kitchen, Inko called, "Don't take it personally, dear. Yoichi only smiles rarely."
"He's a very grumpy baby, isn't he? I hope that doesn't mean he's sick."
Yoichi's scowl deepened. You'd be grumpy too if someone stuffed you into an infant's body, big brother. These days, he had little to do except stare at his crib ceiling and contemplate how much he hated fate, reincarnation, and his older brother.
Inko said, "We've taken him to the doctor repeatedly, at your insistence. He's perfectly healthy. It must just be his personality. Some babies are the quiet types. Maybe he'll grow less solemn over time."
Yoichi threw his rattle at Hisashi. This was his only form of resistance these days.
Alas, it only made his brother-slash-father laugh. Hisashi caught the rattle. "He's such a smart baby. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before his first word. Repeat after me, Yoichi: Daddy!"
Yoichi stared in disdain. The worst part was the cutesy way his brother said it. So embarrassing. He wished he could show a video of this to All for One's followers. Surely then they'd recognize that their idol was no sort of god to be worshipped, just an idiotically doting father with way too much time on his hands that he spent harassing babies.
Hisashi kept going like a broken record. "Daaaaa-ddyyyyy! You can do it. Da. Dee."
Pots clanged from the kitchen as Inko chuckled. "You've been pestering him for weeks, dear."
Yoichi rolled his eyes. Didn't he know it. If he had to listen to much more of this, his sanity would crack.
Hisashi said, "Izuku's first word was 'Mommy.' That means Yoichi's first word belongs to me." He bounced the baby in his arms. "Daaaaaddy." His lips puckered into a hopeful smile. "Daddy. Daddy. Daddy."
Yoichi's temper snapped. He forced his tiny mouth to shape words. "Da…du…"
Euphoria filled Hisashi's eyes. "That's right, my angel! You can do it! Say daddy!"
"Du…duck you."
Hisashi stared at his infant son for a long moment.
The baby stared back balefully.
Hisashi said, "Inko, my heart, we need to stop inviting the Bakugos over for dinner. They're teaching our children bad words."
"Hush, baby. Time to go to sleep." Hisashi's voice held a sing-song note as he rocked Yoichi back and forth.
As if. Yoichi opened his mouth and howled like the devil. He'd overheard that Hisashi was leaving tomorrow for an important business trip. He also knew that Inko and Hisashi alternated who got up from bed when the baby cried, and tonight was Hisashi's turn. Yoichi was bound and determined that neither of them would get any sleep this night. Since he was currently limited in ways to thwart All for One's villainy, he would seize any opportunity available.
"You inherited your loud lungs from your namesake. Of course, in my baby brother's case, he cried from pain due to his illness when he was an infant." Hisashi held up the baby to examine him. "I wonder if I should take you to see the doctor again."
Yoichi howled in protest. He'd come to very much dislike that mad scientist masquerading as a pediatrician and his many creative gadgets to stick into baby's ears.
"But you're so well-behaved with Inko, I have to wonder if there's something about me upsetting you. I've changed my cologne twice."
Yoichi smirked and screamed even louder.
As Hisashi moved to tuck him to his chest, Yoichi regurgitated at his face. He always saved his spit up with the goal of aiming for All for One.
Having experienced this many times, Hisashi swiftly moved his body so he threw up over the baby burp cloth on his dad's shoulder. Then he used a bit of cloth to clean off the baby's face.
Yoichi scowled, foiled this time. Even when he managed to hit Hisashi, he never got an angry or upset reaction. Just a slight sigh. Although Hisashi disliked other people's babies, he had an infinite level of tolerance for his own. It was quite frustrating. What fun could Yoichi currently have besides aggravating a villain?
Spotting a loose thread on Hisashi's silk pajamas, Yoichi bit it with his only tooth and pulled. He'd also made it a personal mission to ruin his brother's nice things at every chance.
"Aw, you don't want your daddy to leave. Is that why you're so cranky? Are you going to miss me when I go on my trip?" Hisashi asked.
This deluded bastard! Yoichi gnawed at All for One's ear furiously.
"Let's see if you like the same music as your namesake, too." Rocking the baby on his shoulder, Hisashi sang, "Spiderman, spiderman! Does whatever a spider can!"
This surprised Yoichi so much he stopped crying. He hadn't heard that tune in over a century.
"Is he strong? Listen, bud. He's got radioactive blood."
Out of habit, Yoichi very softly hummed along to the theme song. He caught himself, then opened his mouth to start screaming again. But a yawn emerged instead. His eyelids felt heavy. After years of his older brother using that song to put him to sleep, it now provoked a Pavlovian response. This infant's body had virtually no resistance. He struggled to open his eyes, to move his fists…
Waking up in his crib the next morning, Yoichi realized, to his profound irritation, that All for One had won this round.
Yoichi sat on the spiral carpet across from Izuku. Hero figurines spread out around them. Smiling, Izuku picked one up. "Would you like to play All Might? I'll be Endeavor."
Knowing Izuku's fanboy-ism, this was a very generous offer, but Yoichi had other plans. He grabbed one of the generic villains, a man wearing a black mask. Pointing at it, he shouted, "Da-da!"
Izuku nodded. "Then you'll be a villain and I'll be All Might, coming to save the day."
Yoichi gritted his teeth and wished he could form complete sentences. Glaring, he pointed at the villain figurine again. "Da-da! Da-da!"
"You don't like that scary villain do you?" Izuku beamed. "Never fear, All Might is here!" He sent the blonde figurine swooping down with zooming sounds.
Another failure. Yoichi had thus far been unable to expose Hisashi's true nature to Inko or Izuku. Words still wouldn't come out right. He'd tried to write on a notepad, but his fingers were too clumsy. He might be able to type a message, but of course the Midoriya household didn't let a baby anywhere near computers. Still, it wasn't like he had anything better to do than keep trying.
Although it might have been smarter to act inconspicuous until at least elementary school, his sanity couldn't take many more children's picture books and cartoons. After every few days of watching sock puppets sing the alphabet, he inevitably started scheming how to spread his suffering to All for One.
Poking her head into the room, Inko called, "Time to wash your hands for dinner."
Yoichi's head shot up. Acting in habitual response to the motherly authority in that tone, he tried to stand up. He tottered, unable to balance on two feet.
Izuku grabbed him. "Whoa there, little brother!"
"Look at him, trying to walk already." Inko smiled. "I swear, sometimes Yoichi seems to understand what I say."
Yoichi winced. Why did Inko have to be so perceptive on this matter, yet so oblivious whenever he tried to explain to her that her husband was a villain?
"I'll help him get ready for dinner," Izuku said, clearly very proud of himself for volunteering for this task.
A smile tugged at Yoichi's lips. How had All for One possibly produced such an adorable, kind-hearted child?
Inko said, "You're the only one Yoichi smiles at, Izuku." She patted her older son's head. "You're a great big brother."
Noise announced the front door opening. Hisashi shouted, "I'm home!"
Carrying Yoichi, Izuku ran over. "Daddy!"
Hisashi swept him up into a hug, with Yoichi as a reluctant and disgusted passenger. He showered both of his sons with kisses. "Were you two good for your mother today?"
"I was good! I even saved Yoichi from falling over!" Izuku beamed with pride.
Hisashi set them both down. He patted Izuku's head. "Aren't you a good boy? Remember, you should always protect your younger brother." He ruffled Yoichi's patch of white hair. "And you should always offer up unconditional obedience to your older brother."
Inko frowned. "That's a little extreme, don't you think?"
"Nonsense, darling. Younger brothers have to obey older ones—that's the natural order of the world."
Yoichi's eye twitched. Somehow, he needed to get into contact with All Might and haul All for One off to jail before he taught adorable, precious little Izuku even more strange things.
Opportunity struck quite coincidentally.
Hisashi had taken Izuku and Yoichi to play in the park. Izuku slid down the slide. Yoichi sat in the sandbox and stared at his shovel, because he had no real interest in childish games. At times like these, he largely either meditated or attempted to visualize martials training in his mind in a likely futile attempt to stop his skills from completely eroding. At least he didn't have his old illness in this lifetime. A small blessing. But he did look exactly the same. So far Hisashi hadn't reacted to this except with a few nostalgic gazes, but Yoichi worried it would get increasingly obvious as he got older.
Out of the corner of his eye, he glimpsed yellow, red, and blue. All Might stood on the sidewalk, signing an autograph for a fan.
Yoichi shot to his feet. He'd just started to be able to walk. Gritting his teeth, he took slow, careful steps. His heart hammered, afraid All Might would leave or Hisashi would look up from his book and notice his youngest son trundling away from the park.
As All Might pocketed his pen and turned away, Yoichi uttered a strangled cry. He waved his arms. The movement made him fall over.
All Might shot over in a flash, catching him before his nose slammed into the sidewalk. "Little boy! What are you doing out here all alone? Where is your mother?"
Yoichi nearly bit his own tongue trying to speak. "Da's All fuh 'Un! 'U afta top 'im!"
"Adorable!" All Might declared with as much enthusiasm as when he shouted his catchphrase I am here.
It was hopeless. His eighth successor would never believe a toddler know All for One's true identity even if he could manage to communicate. Yoichi stared up with dead fish eyes. This only encouraged All Might to coo over him even more.
A pattering of footsteps announced Izuku's presence. "Yoichi! How did you get all the way over here?" His eyes widened as he took in the hero before him. "All…Might?" He teared up. "Is this a dream?" He swayed, about to faint.
Still holding Yoichi in one arm, All Might caught Izuku with his other. "Who is supposed to be looking after you two cute children?" He sounded ready to adopt them both himself if their current guardian proved negligent.
"All Might thinks I'm cute," Izuku whispered, blushing.
"I hope it wasn't rude of me to say so…"
"No, no, I'm flattered! You're my favorite hero!"
All Might flushed. "What a nice thing for you to say."
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY SONS." Hisashi barreled down the sidewalk, his red eyes blazing and his lips pulled back into a feral snarl. He looked inches from turning this residential area into a warzone.
Yoichi had to do something. He called, "Dada scary!" Then he burst into tears.
Hisashi skid to a halt. "Now, now, there's nothing to be afraid of." The villainous father looked particularly consternated because Yoichi rarely cried. (Normally, he considered it beneath his dignity to bawl like a baby, but drastic circumstances required drastic measures.)
All Might looked confused. "Sir? I'm a hero. Don't you recognize me?" He clearly didn't recognize All for One. Yoichi took a close look and noticed a slightly blurring around Hisashi's features. At least the villain had the sense to use a disguise quirk. He probably didn't want to have his final battle against his archnemesis with his children in range, so it might yet be possible to defuse this situation.
Izuku said, "All Might stopped me from falling over. He saved me. This is the happiest day of my life."
Hisashi growled, "Put my children down."
All Might set them both on their feet, but he said, "They wandered over here alone. The younger one could have run into the street. You should have been watching them more carefully."
Hisashi swept both of his sons behind his back. "I only took my eyes off them for one moment!" He looked harried. "Then I saw a so-called hero trying to kidnap them."
All Might frowned. "That's not what happened."
Hisashi growled, "You'd probably have taken my children away to raise them as my enemies."
Hidden behind All for One, Yoichi frowned. That sounded like a suspiciously specific accusation. He knew his big brother well enough to recognize projection when he saw it. Of course All for One would assume his enemy would do the same things as him, even though All Might was a true hero. Something about how he'd instantly leapt to that particular accusation, instead of, say, suggesting All Might could have taken them hostage, made Yoichi nervous.
All Might straightened to his full height. "Raise as your enemies? What does that even mean?"
Hisashi seemed to remember his archnemesis had no idea who he was. "Never mind." He sneered, grabbing his children and carrying them away.
Yoichi glared at his father, turning around those words in his mind and trying to figure out what they might imply.
Hisashi looked back with an odd expression. "I swear, the older you get, the more you look like your uncle." He brushed a white lock off Yoichi's forehead. "Especially that malevolent look in your eyes."
Yoichi glowered even harder.
Hisashi laughed. "It's absolutely adorable! How about I get you some ice cream on the way home, and you don't tell your mother that I lost track of you?"
"Yay!" Izuku clapped his hands. "I want chocolate ice cream!"
"Pecan!" Yoichi cried. He hadn't been able to eat his favorite flavor of ice cream since his previous lifetime.
Hisashi stared at his youngest son. "You're a bit young for ice cream—I'm not sure if you're allowed to have it yet."
Yoichi squirmed. He'd replied without realizing the bribe probably wasn't directed at the child who could barely talk.
Hisashi's gaze got even more puzzled. "How did you learn that flavor of ice cream existed? Neither Inko nor I like it. The person who loved pecan ice cream was…"
Yoichi babbled and waved his arms innocently, pretending not to understand.
On the car ride home, Hisashi scolded both of his sons for running off. Izuku nodded periodically while licking ice cream off his face.
Yoichi sat in the backseat and tuned his father out as his gears turned in his mind. Recently, his father had been absent for several family dinners in a row. He'd seemed distracted. Once Yoichi had glimpsed his computer tab open to an order of children's clothing, sized too large for either of his sons.
Yoichi didn't like the conclusions he was drawing. He wanted to believe he was reading too much into a single exclamation. But deep down, he knew his older brother (the one from his previous lifetime) entirely too well to let go of his suspicious.
He had to know the truth.
Late at night, Yoichi snuck into his father's study. Hisashi used a very old-fashioned computer, so fortunately Yoichi knew how to hack into it.
He found the orders for children's clothing. Then police records describing the mysterious deaths of the Shimura family. With shaking hands, he opened the medical records of one Tenko Shimura, renamed Tomura Shigaraki. A white-haired boy with cracked skin and hopeless red eyes stared back at him, with his brother's demented doctor taking excited notes about the destructive potential of Decay in the margins.
The sound of the door opening made his head shoot up. A bleary-eyed Hisashi stood in his pajamas. He snapped to awareness at the sight of his toddler son standing on his tip-toes on the computer chair staring straight at his confidential records.
Rage made Yoichi able to speak articulately for the first time in his second life. He screamed, "Are you pulling an Oldboy to make All Might kill Nana Shimura's grandson?"
"Actually, I was hoping Tomura would kill All Might." Hisashi stared at him. His gaze lingered on each familiar feature, from the white hair to the green eyes. "Sweet villainy. That's you in there, isn't it, little brother?"
Yoichi wet his lips and tried to utter a confused denial, but this time only baby noises came out.
"Don't even try to pretend. You could have gotten away with the pecan ice cream, but not a reference to a 21st century movie."
"Missus Ba-ka-ka—"
"Even Mitsuki Bakugo wouldn't let a baby watch a violent movie like Oldboy. Nice try." Hisashi moved across the room in a flash, sweeping Yoichi up into his arms. "Little brother, you came back to me," he whispered in a voice delirious with happiness.
Yoichi whacked his brother/father repeatedly in the face, pointing at the computer. Now his deception had been nixed, he had some things he wanted to say.
Hisashi finally let him go. Yoichi reached for the keyboard and typed rapidly: Why did you name me Yoichi? Did you plan to repeat all the same mistakes from my last lifetime, too?
"When I was a child, I didn't realize the most common meaning for Yoichi was First Son, but I don't think of that as a mistake so much as a funny story. I planned to use the name for my first child, which would have made more sense, but in retrospect it's very lucky that I lost that coin toss. Just imagine the confusion if Izuku had been named Yoichi."
That's not what I meant. I want to know how you had the nerve when you know full well I died hating you.
A pained looked crossed Hisashi's face. "I viewed it as a second chance." His eyes lit up. "And this is a true second chance for us! You're alive again!"
Before another unwanted hug could be forced on him, Yoichi's fingers flew across the keyboard. Do you expect me to hug it out with you after you just kidnapped my successor's grandson? You haven't changed a bit.
Hisashi winced and ran his hands through his hair. "There were mitigating circumstances."
Care to explain?
"This kid slaughtered his entire family in cold blood after his quirk spun out of control. It was epic. I've never seen such a natural talent for villainy before! Clearly, I had to take him in and train him."
Yoichi tried to shriek "Get that child into therapy immediately!" But only squawking baby sounds came out.
Hisashi seemed to understand the general gist. "I knew that wouldn't fly with you." His eyes hardened. "But you can't exactly do anything about it, can you? I'm sure you tried to tell All Might yesterday—but he didn't listen to you. No one will listen to you. Why don't you just relax and stop worrying about what you can't control? If you're good, I'll let you have age-inappropriate books and other treats."
Yoichi clearly understood the implied threat. He decided to make one of his own. He typed, Maybe I'm too young to talk right now, but it's only a matter of time before I have the ability to tell Inko everything. How can you stop me? If you take her son away from her, it will break her heart. Even if you manage to convince her I'm mentally unstable, you'll still be putting her through anguish.
Hisashi paled. From his observations, Yoichi had long ago concluded that the villain actually loved his wife, surprising though that might be. A weak spot. Hisashi said, "Surely you don't want to hurt Inko, either."
I don't. That's why I'll strike a deal with you. In exchange for my silence, I want you to bring Tomura into our home to be raised in a proper, loving family. Not as a weapon. GET HIM THERAPY.
Hisashi hesitated. He said, "If I agree to play along with your notion of a good father for Tomura, then will you play happy family with me? Let me hug you and look after you. Smile a bit more at Inko and Izuku, even if you won't for me. You might like spending some time with the one person who knows your true age. Give this family a fair shot."
Yoichi's eyebrows shot up. He hadn't expected his brother to agree. If Hisashi truly was willing to put his family above his villainous plans…then maybe Yoichi should take advantage of that. Maybe he'd better not destroy this family if it was the only thing currently restraining All for One.
"Also, stop destroying all my clothes," Hisashi said.
Or it was entirely possible that his older brother valued his nice silk suits on about the same level as Tomura's entire future.
In the long run, he still had some doubts about how this would work out, but in the short run, the safety of Nana's grandson was his top priority. Yoichi typed, Deal.
Hisashi immediately claimed his forfeit by sweeping Yoichi up into a hug. "You won't regret this!"
Yoichi went limp and endured.
Hisashi pushed the white-haired boy through the front door. "This is Tomura Midoriya, your new brother."
"Whoa!" Izuku ran forward. "It will be so nice to have someone new to play with." He hugged Tomura.
Tomura's arms hung slack. His eyes looked dead. He barely reacted. Frankly, Yoichi worried about him. All for One had better keep his promise about therapy.
Hisashi said, "This is Yoichi, your youngest brother." He tugged Yoichi closer. "Since you and Izuku are close together in age, I expect you to be more like equals, but feel free to boss around Yoichi as much as you'd like. Younger brothers have to obey older ones."
Yoichi's eye twitched at this arbitrary and clearly biased proclamation.
A bit of life entered Tomura's eyes. "It would be kinda nice to be an older sibling this time…"
"It's definitely the superior position," Hisashi said cheerfully. "Yoichi was super-insistent on how much he wanted a new older brother, so I'm sure he'll be delighted to follow your guidance in all matters. After all, this is what he asked for."
Despite Yoichi's best efforts, only angry baby babble emerged from his mouth.
OMAKE TIME!
Omake: The Logistics of This Situation for the First are Actually Quite Unfortunate
Hisashi: I can't understand why Yoichi starts howling like he's being murdered every time I try to change his diapers. What am I doing wrong?
Inko: I know it's not your fault, dear, you were wonderful with Izuku. Let me do it.
Hisashi: No! I'm not a deadbeat! I'm going to change my fair share of diapers!
Later, after the reveal:
Hisashi: I still don't get what you were so fussed about. Don't you realize that I helped change your diapers the first time around, too?
Yoichi: I didn't have to remember it the first time!
#
Omake: But Even Worse…
Yoichi: My hair is so straggly and thin!
Hisashi: Because you're a baby. It will grow in time.
Yoichi: It had better.
Hisashi: I'll buy you a wig if you stop trying to thwart my world-domination plans.
Yoichi: Hmm.
Hisashi: That was a joke! Are you seriously considering it?
#Canon All for One spent all that time finding a stockpiling quirk for his little brother #When he should have been looking for a great hair quirk #Yoichi would have been at least tempted to join him then #Imagine an AU where all the vestiges have magnificent hair #And Hisashi is desperately trying to get One for All because it's the only cure for the baldness All Might inflicted on him
#
Omake: Alternative (Crack) Ending
Hisashi: (Looks at Yoichi in front of the computer.) Hi, little brother. I see you've stopped pretending.
Yoichi: Why aren't you surprised? Did you know it was me all along?
Hisashi: Of course I knew! Do you have any idea how much money, time, and minion's lives I spent finding a reincarnation quirk?
Yoichi: Then all this time, all the baby treatment—you were just screwing with me!
Hisashi: I've collected so much blackmail material on you. Good luck opposing me this time around!
#
Omake: The Name Game
Hisashi: I'm so excited! I'm going to become a father!
Inko: What names do you like, dear?
Hisashi: How about Yoichi?
Inko: I'll add that to the list of possibilities. What about a girl's name?
Hisashi: Still Yoichi.
Inko: Uh, Yoichi is not a gender-neutral name. It means "First Son."
Hisashi: In my defense, I was very young when I had the opportunity to name my little brother and I wasn't aware of the most common kanji interpretation.
Inko: I feel like you're misunderstanding how this works. We're both supposed to come up with several baby names and then see which ones we both like. You don't get to solely decide the name yourself. Certainly not when I'm the one pushing something the size of a watermelon out of my nether regions.
Hisashi: I swear I'm not doing this to be difficult, but Yoichi is the only name I want. To be fair, how about we toss a coin and the winner gets to name our firstborn?
Inko: Deal. But if we have a daughter, I'm not letting you name her Yoichi.
#Inko won, obviously, and she picked Izuku's name #But she could tell how important the name Yoichi was to her husband #So she let him name their second son
#
Omake: What if Hisashi Had Won the Coin Toss to Name His First Child?
Hisashi: Nice to meet you, baby Izuku. This is your older brother, Yoichi.
Yoichi: You named the wrong son after me. You're such a human disaster.
Later:
Inko: Yoichi! Put that cookie jar down!
Yoichi's head jerks around and his fist unclenches.
Inko: Not you, I meant your older brother. I swear, the baby seems to think his name is Yoichi, not Izuku. Whenever I call for you, his head snaps around.
Yoichi: I'm just a baby, and I'm already developing whiplash. I'm going to go absolutely crazy.
After the reincarnation reveal:
Hisashi: Darling, I have an idea. What if we swapped our children's names so that our oldest became Izuku and our younger one became Yoichi?
Inko: Are you high?
#And that was the end of that #Yoichi is permanently condemned to a lifetime of reacting to the wrong name #His only consolation is that Hisashi shares his headache
#
Omake: The Problem with Two Heroes
Random Kid Playing Baseball at the Park: Sorry! Look out! (A baseball sails toward Izuku and Yoichi.)
Izuku: I have to protect my little brother!
Yoichi: I have to protect my nephew!
They both attempt to throw their bodies on top of the other person, smack foreheads, and knock each other out.
#And then Hisashi murdered the kid who threw the baseball #Just kidding, he's not that crazy #But Tomura did try to shove the baseball down that poor kid's throat #The strange sibling dynamics get crazier even after you add Tomura, who ALSO thinks he's the big brother who must protect the other two
#
Omake: If the Second was Reborn as Hisashi's Son
Hisashi: Ha-ha, looks like you can't date my brother now that he's your uncle!
Second: THAT'S YOUR BIGGEST TAKEAWAY ABOUT THIS MESSED-UP SITUATION?
#Assuming the Second is from the Bakugo family like some fan-theories #Then this story is about to get real…explosive #But it would make more sense for the Second to reincarnate in the Bakugo family next door #Won't it be fun when Katsuki brings his little brother over to play?
#
Omake: If the Banjo was Reborn as Hisashi's Son
Banjo: The future is super-funky!
Hisashi: I love my son, family is all-important to me, so why do I have this strange urge to punch him in the face?
#
Omake: If the Nana was Reborn as Hisashi's Daughter
Hisashi: Ooo, just look at daddy's wittle princess! Give me a big kiss!
Nana: I know I made mistakes in my past life, but what did I possibly do to deserve this hell?
Later:
Hisashi: N-nana Shimura? How could this have happened?
Nana: Since reincarnation seems at least partly genetics-based, maybe you shouldn't have knocked up my daughter, asshole.
#
Omake: If All Might was Reborn as Hisashi's Son
Hisashi: Stop right there, you incompetent author. I will not accept this abomination against nature. It doesn't even make sense. All Might is still alive!
Author: But what if you killed him during your epic canon showdown, and then he was reborn as your son?
Hisashi: I'll promise to never kill All Might if you promise to never make him my son.
Author: You're that desperate?
Hisashi: YES.
#Second: Wait, you hate All Might even more than me? #Hisashi: YES
Translation of baby talk:
Duck you = Fuck you
Da's All fuh 'Un! 'U afta top 'im! = Dad's All for One! You have to stop him!
Wittle = little
