Something shuffled against me, my opens open quickly afraid of what it might be. I see the trunk of a tree staring me in the face, it's bark dancing in the light of a fire behind me. I feel the shuffle against my back again, slowly I turn and see the culprit... Jackson? My mind is groggy. Why is Jackson here? His eyes are closed and he is snoring lightly, he must be sleeping. Wait? Where am I? I sit up and see the four stumps of the guard rails of the towers with a torch attached to the closest corner. The tower? Why am I... I remember Nick, his body torn apart and his blood, all his blood. Nick died. I'm sleeping on the tower, because he is in the Med hut. Dead.
I sit up completely and rub my eyes, it's still dark in the Glade, no sign of light beside the torch beside us.. Jackson is supposed to keep watch, why is he sleeping? Jackson's coat falls off my shoulder as I scooch over to the edge of the tower, my feet dangling in the frigid air. My vision adjusts to the dark night and soon shadows form, distinguishing certain features. It looks so much bigger now, almost like there is no wall, like the Glade goes on forever. The Glade is home now, just like it for everyone else... but when will it feel like a home? What does a home even feel like? Belonging? How can I belong when I'm so different... How can I feel safe when I don't know who I am. Why can't I figure out my name...
Jakcson stirs again behind me, before sitting up.
"Morning, sleepy head," I say to him.
"I wasn't sleeping. Just," he yawned loudly and stretched his arms," Just making sure we're all good here. Looks like nothing suspicious is happening. Good. Good."
"You were asleep," I hid a smile.
"That's an opinion. Why are you awake?"
"Someone has to watch the Glade and keep it safe."
Jackson smirks and crawls over to me," You know, you'd make a good Bagger."
"Better than you, at least."
"Ouch," Jackson grabbed his chest, "That hurts."
"I don't want to be a Bagger."
"Why not?"
"I don't really want to do anything," I sigh. "I just want to remember."
"Worried about your name?," Jackson leans on the rail in front of him.
"Wouldn't you be?"
"Ahh, no," he dismisses the thought,"What is this, you're third day here? It'll come to you any second."
"It's my sixth day...," I say quietly. "Six days and I'm still no closer then I was on day one."
"Well... for me, it was the first day. Not to brag or anything... It happened when Alby was showing my the Slammer and suddenly, it just echoed in my head 'Jackson', over and over again."
"I wonder what that feels like..."
"You'll feel it too. Probably today," he nudged me.
"Hopefully..." I can see a gray light illuminating the Glade, the sun was about to rise. A rumble breaks the silence and I see the doors open to the maze. "Do you ever feel the urge to just run, Jackson?"
"Run? Where, the maze?" I nod, still staring at the crack in the wall, the only exit. "No, not really. I know what's out there and I know it's safe here. Now that you've seen what the maze can do, do you still want to run?"
I want answers, whether they come from the maze or not. "No. I want to stay here, and be safe."
Jackson nodded, "Good."
"Where are the Runners? Shouldn't they be out by now?"
"Not today, Greenie," Jackson reminds me. Nick... he's being remembered today. No one will be working. I see two men leave the Homestead and enter the Deadheads.
"Who are they?," I point them out to Jackson.
"Oh, that's Billy and Aidan, they're the other Baggers," Jackson waves to them.
"What are they doing?"
"Uhmm... probably going to dig a spot... for Nick."
"Oh..., I didn't know Baggers did that."
"We have many talents," Jackson said, but he was serious, not teasing.
"I'm going back to sleep for a while," I push away from the edge.
"Sweet dreams," Jackson tells me as I face the tree trunk again.
Falling asleep is easy, I cover up with Jackson's coat and all my thoughts fade out. I awake again, this time from being shaken.
"Greenie, wake up. Wake up!," Jackson calls to me, but I try to ignore. I groan loudly," Don't be like that, Greenie. Come on!"
I roll over in defeat," What, Jackson?"
"To be honest, I'm just glad you didn't fall out."
"What do you mean? You left?"
"Yeah, I had to help carry Nick's body to the Deadheads... They are saying the goodbyes now, if you want to come."
I sit up, the sun is now halfway up the sky, so it's still morning. I rub my eyes and let Jackson's words sink in. Should I go? I didn't know Nick. I only met him once and that was yesterday, we didn't even meet, not really...
"Uhm... no thanks. I think I'll stay here."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
Jackson skipped down the steps and hurried to the Deadheads, he was one of the last boys left in the Glade. He disappeared into the trees, so I sat up and stretched. My pain had a dull pain, most likely this hard tree's fault. I went back to the Med hut, careful to make sure, Nick wasn't still there. When I entered, I saw the bloody mess left on the bed I had called mine. I tore my eyes from the sight, why did I even come here? I turned to leave and saw a shadow flicker outside the hut. Someone is here. It's probably Clint or Jeff... I round the corner and come face to face with Ben.
"Ben?!," I jump back startled. Ben flinched when he saw me too, not expecting me to pop out. "Ben, what are you doing here? Why aren't you at Nick's burial?"
Ben's eyes were full of sadness," Yeah, I'm sorry to scare you. I was there, but I just felt so bad about yesterday."
"It's not your fault...," I reassure him.
"I wish you hadn't seen it... that is my fault," his eyes fall to the floor. "I-I'm sorry."
"Ben..., I-..." I was at a loss for words. He shouldn't be apologizing. Nick's death isn't his fault. He should be there right now, why is he here? "Come on, I'll walk back with you..." We leave the Med hut and enter the Deadhead. "Ben, you don't have to say you're sorry. Especially to me."
Ben let out a strained sound," The why do I feel like I need to apologize, especially to you?"
"I'm not sure. But you need to know that no one blames you for this, I know I don't."
Ben stopped walking and I turned back to him," Maybe if I had gone and left Nick here to train you... Maybe he-...," Ben voice broke and he covered his eyes with his hands. He's... he's crying.
I looked around the trees, there was no here. No one to tell me how to handle this. How do you comfort someone? How do you help them... My mind flashed to yesterday, Ben and I were in this same place, but it was me that was crying. All I wanted was answers, but Ben isn't crying about himself, he's crying about a friend. I remember how he rested his hand on my shoulder, the slight touch was a surprise, but it had felt like I wasn't alone. It had felt like Ben cared. I took a step closer to him, his hands still blocking his sight, I can't reach around his shoulders without standing on my tip toes... I could... give him a hug? Should I? Is that too far? Ben got scared after he touched my shoulder... Maybe it's not a good idea.
Ben let out a quiet sob, still refusing to look at me, He needs someone to care. I reached my hand out slowly, like he was a wounded animal in the woods. Ben didn't see me, so I lowered my hand and rested in on Ben's arm, not a hug, but a small gesture. He didn't draw away, he didn't even uncover his eyes, maybe he doesn't feel it.
"Ben...," I peer up at him. "Ben, look at me." He wipes his eyes once more and reluctantly lowers his hands. "You can't blame yourself for this." He merely nods, his eyes are now puffy and red.
He inhales deeply, and swallows his uncertainty," Thank you." Ben tries to smile and laugh off the whole incident, but it's to much. "I'm sorry, I didn't m-..."
"Hey, What did I tell you? Stop apologizing."
He bows his head," Yeah, okay."
We walk the rest of the way in silence, it's not very far, but when we get there everyone else is tarting to leave. Everyone is mumbling in groups as they depart, grieving the loss of another Glader. Newt brushes past me quickly, he looks upset, but that is understandable. The only people who stay behind are the Alby, Mihno, Hank, and the Baggers. Jackson and his colleagues begin scooping dirt into the hole where I presumed Nick's body to be. Ben walks up to them, but no one says anything, they all just watch as their friend slowly disappears under the earth.
