It has been a long while lol. Hope everyone enjoys!
Dear diary,
I definitely don't have a crush on Sawada. Definitely not.
Michiko exhaled a deep breath, before sliding open the classroom door and entering the room. She calmly walked forward; her sights focused only on her desk. As she approached, Tsuna turned his head to greet her.
"Morning!" he said, beaming up at her. She flinched, staring back at him.
It's not as if Tsuna was what she would deem attractive. His unruly head of brown hair, his soft voice, his small build, and even his timid nature. She would never have found any of these traits attractive in anyone else, so why was it that at this moment she could feel her cheeks flush?
Although the smile remained on his face, she noticed his brows furrow and his head tilt in confusion.
"Are you feeling okay?" he asked, his tone filled with worry.
His brown eyes bore into her, and she felt herself immediately shrinking under his gaze. Despite Tsuna not knowing about her newly realized feelings, the way he looked at Michiko made it seem as if he could see right through her. To think the day would come where Sawada Tsunayoshi would affect her to such an extent.
"Kobayashi?" he spoke once again, leaning himself towards her.
His movement jerked her out of her trance, and she hurriedly pulled out the chair, seating herself down.
"Sorry, I…um…just…I've been kind of out of it this morning." she managed to stutter out, inwardly cringing at the horrible excuse. Of all the things she could've said, of course it was something that made absolutely no sense.
"Oh, well it's good that you don't have any student council duties this week. You should probably take this time to rest." he advised.
"Mhm." she hummed in agreement, keeping her gaze glued to the desk. With how she had just acted, she knew there was absolutely no chance of her behaving normally. It was for the best if she kept conversation to a minimum. As for eye contact that was absolutely out of question, at least not until her feelings subsided. Thankfully, Tsuna did not probe any further and class began shortly after.
From then on, Michiko was faced with the challenge of avoiding any interaction with Tsuna. Normally, it wouldn't have been too difficult. Despite being in the same class, the two had very little time to converse in the classroom. The breaks were short and as the class representative, she was usually tasked with preparing materials for the next subject. She should've been relieved that for the next few hours she wouldn't have to worry about making a fool of herself but thinking about lunch break filled her with dread.
Every day, without fail, Tsuna, Yamamoto, Gokudera, and Michiko gathered together to eat lunch. Since the first day of classes, upon discovering the group would be split, they all agreed that hanging out during lunch was the most viable option. Thus far, she never had any reason to miss lunch regardless of the amount of student council work that had to be completed. Of course, this was also the one week she couldn't use student council as an excuse.
She knew they would probably accept any reason she gave without question. It was the guilt of lying to them that she couldn't tolerate. Perhaps it was better this way? There was no chance of Michiko being able to sit through an entire meal with Tsuna normally. And given yesterday's outburst in front of Yamamoto, she still wasn't sure how to face him. She had already resigned herself to not telling anyone about her feelings for Tsuna.
It was for the best.
And so, when lunch break came around and Tsuna had accepted her lie about needing to review what she had studied last night, she merely smiled and whispered an insincere apology for leaving on such short notice.
With a pen pressed against her lips, Michiko stared outside the library window. For the past three days, she had conjured an excuse about having to study during lunch time in order to avoid Tsuna. Although the plan had proven successful and she had convinced herself it was what she needed to do, she disliked it.
Lying, avoiding friends, repressing my feelings. Every part of this bothers me, but what else am I supposed to do? Confessing is out of question. He's had a crush on the same girl since our first year of middle school. The only path there is rejection and it would only make our friendship uncomfortable. Why can't my feelings fade away any faster? It's already been half a week and not seeing him only makes me want to see him more. It's detestable.
"You won't get much studying done if your pen is in your mouth instead of on your paper."
She blinked, her gaze falling on the boy next to her. Yamamoto flashed his signature smile as he rested his head on his propped arm.
"Why are you here?" she inquired, pulling her pen to the page.
"I haven't seen you during lunch break for the past few days. If I didn't know any better, I'd assume you were avoiding someone." he mused.
Michiko breathed out a sigh, scribbling onto her worksheet. "Not at all."
His mouth scrunched up at the response. "Are you going to pretend that the last time I saw you, you weren't sobbing in my arms?
She stopped writing, turning to face him as her mouth thinned into line. "I have no idea what you're talking about, but I was not sobbing in your arms."
He pushed his arms behind his head and leaned back into his chair, exhaling a deep breath. "I've told you before you don't depend on people enough. Even with Kinoshita, if I hadn't intervened you wouldn't have told anyone. You said you were overwhelmed, so don't you think it would be more helpful to talk about it rather than keep it bottled up and explode like that?"
She clicked her tongue in annoyance. "Instead of giving me advice I didn't ask for, how about listening to me when I say I don't want to talk about something. Besides, I already told you what the issue was."
She stood up from her seat, the chair screeching as it slid across the floor. She stared at him disdainfully, stopping only to begin gathering her books and placing them into her bag. "Now I am going to leave, goodbye."
Michiko knew she was unfairly taking out her repressed anger on Yamamoto, but his incessant need to check up on her all the time and force her to have conversations about her thoughts and feelings was just so infuriating. He always thought he knew what was best for her. She could say for certain that in this situation, he definitely did not.
As she walked past Yamamoto, he stood up and placed a hand on her arm. She halted, whipping her neck to glare at him.
"Let's go back together."
She pursed out her lips, still glaring. "Fine."
He beamed at her and retracted his hand. He stood up and the two exited the library together. Yamamoto studied her facial expression as they walked through the halls. The scowl on her face was still prominent and her eyes were locked straight ahead. He scanned her body, particularly eying the schoolbag in her hand. Michiko noticed the staring early on, deciding to ignore it.
As they passed a bulletin board, Yamamoto slowed down to skim through announcements. "Ah." he said, one of the papers catching his eye. His voice grabbed her attention and she turned to see what he had exclaimed at. When she did so, he snatched her bag from her hand and zoomed down the hallway in the direction opposite of the classrooms.
I am going to murder that boy.
She let out a low grumble, immediately chasing after him. Of course, she was no match for the baseball star. He maintained a large distance between them. She followed him through the school, her pace slowing the further he went. As he dashed out of the building, she began to wonder how much longer she would have to run. Thankfully, Yamamoto soon came to a stop. He leaned against the side of the school building, holding up her bag in his left hand, a giant smirk on his lips.
Michiko was hunched over, hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath. She looked up and threw a venomous glare, before stomping over and swinging her arm upwards to snatch the bag from his hand. He playfully lifted it higher out of her reach causing her eye to twitch.
"Yamamoto." she hissed out. "If you don't give me my bag right now, I will punch you."
She started pounding her fists against his torso. He chuckled, showing no sign of lowering the bag.
"Okay, okay." he said, still laughing. With his free hand, he grabbed both of her wrists to stop her punches. She pursed her lips, ready to retort.
"You know even if I give you back your bag, classes have already started. And judging from the amount of time that's passed, you've missed out on a large portion. I think we should just skip class." he reasoned.
She sighed, lowering her head in defeat. "Let go of my hands."
He released her hands and she walked over to the building wall, plopping herself down onto the ground. She brought her knees up, wrapping her arms around them and burrowing her head into her arms. Michiko felt Yamamoto's arm brush against her shoulder as he joined her on the ground.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.
She groaned, eliciting a chuckle from him.
"Okay, we don't have to talk about it. You really should take a break when you're stressed out about something though."
She groaned once again. "No advice, Yamamoto."
He snorted, bringing his hand up to her head and gently petting her hair. She brought her head up from her knees and leaned over onto his shoulder. He lifted his arm up, wrapping it around her shoulder and pulling her onto his chest. His hand was now on the side of her head, continuing to caress her. Early on in their friendship, Yamamoto had picked up the habit of tousling her hair. Most typically, the action occurred after Michiko had scolded him, and she thought of it as his way of trying to calm her down, albeit patronizingly. It only enraged her more to think he was treating her like a child. Yet at this very moment, she couldn't help but wonder when she began to see the action as less condescending and more comforting. With each stroke, she felt her eyelids grow heavier and succumbed to his warm touch.
"Shit, shit…" Michiko heard a voice mumble out, as she clung onto her source of warmth. Her eyes were still closed, and she frowned as she buried herself into her "pillow". Yamamoto stiffened as he felt an arm come up to wrap around his torso and her face nestled deeper into his chest.
He had made the mistake of moving while she was taking a nap on him. In his defense, he hadn't realized how light of a sleeper she was. With the weight of her head on the joint connecting his arm and shoulder, his arm had gone numb. He only wanted to move her so that both of them would be more comfortable, but the second he did, she made a noise. He hadn't wanted to wake her up, so he immediately froze, only for her to cling onto him.
His hand was pressed against his burning face as he inwardly cursed, Michiko's body still pressed tightly against him. When he had first noticed she fell asleep, he smiled to himself. The way she took quick little breaths as she slept, the soft sound of those breaths escaping her lips, and the way her body rose and fell with each release.
Yamamoto wasn't sure when he had begun to develop feelings for her. His feelings began as intrigue, curiosity about the unflappable class representative. Yet as the friendship deepened, he learned this was nothing more than a front. Kobayashi Michiko was not even half as put together as she wanted others to believe. From that point, he made a habit of watching out for her. It was nothing out of the ordinary, just picking up on small changes in her expression or body language here and there. It was to help him understand her better. Anyone would do that for a friend.
At some point though, his eyes began to naturally follow her every move. The way her eyes softened before she would smile, how her lower lip would jut out in a pout when she was confused, the way her nose scrunched up when she was frustrated. Every little expression she made filled his heart.
He hadn't realized he had a crush on Michiko until one day in their final year of middle school. The whole group had gone to watch his baseball game. The school they were playing against wasn't particularly well known, but they were faring well. It was the final inning and Namimori was struggling to keep the lead. If he managed to strike out their batter, they would have another shot at gaining points and hopefully close out the game with a win. As he stood on the mound, he glanced over at the stands to see her cheering while holding up a sign with his name on it. He flashed a smile, hurling the ball into the umpire's hand. The crowd roared while the teams switched positions. He glanced back at the stands and saw her beam a bright smile, shaking the sign excitedly in one hand and shooting him a thumbs up. After they had won the match and went out to celebrate, he teasingly pointed out how excitedly she cheered. He expected her to come back with a snarky retort about how 'he was overexaggerating' or 'baseball was boring so of course she had to pretend to be excited to make it tolerable.' Instead, Michiko replied with, "Of course I was cheering. I'm not much of a baseball fan, but I am a Yamamoto fan. I'm proud of you and there's no better way to show my support than through cheering."
Yamamoto felt his heart pound and his cheeks flush red. He scratched the back of his neck and averted his eyes, effectively dropping the teasing. He knew she hadn't meant it as more than a friend, but hearing her so openly praise him, left him flustered. He had to stop himself from pulling her into his arms then and there. For the rest of the day, the scene replayed in his mind nonstop. By the time he went to bed, Yamamoto could not get her out of his head. Laying down on his bed, his arms behind him on top of the pillow, he stared up at the ceiling, finally coming to terms with the fact that he liked Kobayashi Michiko. He knew she didn't feel the same way, so he wasn't going to mention it and risk ruining their friendship. Instead, he would act as he always did. He treasured her happiness and that would not change regardless of the relationship between them.
He glanced down at how peacefully she slept in his arms. He could smell the soft scent of her shampoo and had to resist the urge to envelop her into his embrace. He tried his best not to move, for fear of accidentally waking her. He had to wonder though, how she had managed to sleep so soundly when he knew that the thumping of his heart had not slowed nor quieted at any point since his initial shift in position.
On cue, Michiko's body jerked, and her eyes shot open. Yamamoto flinched at the sudden movement and watched her gather her senses as she observed her surroundings. Oh right, she had skipped class and fallen asleep outside. She sat up, drowsily rubbing her eyes and releasing a small yawn. She pulled up her arm and glanced down at the watch on her wrist.
"We should go back. Classes are going to end soon, and you have to get to practice."
He nodded. "Are you going to come watch today?"
She shook her head. "I think I should go home and catch up on sleep. I'll see you tomorrow."
That night, Michiko found herself lying flat in bed and pondering over her actions from the past few days. She eventually came to the conclusion that she was an utter fool. Not because she was in a one-sided love with one of her closest friends, although that in itself was embarrassing enough, but because she had avoided all of her friends only to still be in love with said friend. It seemed as if regardless of what decision she made, she was meant to suffer. She scoffed, rolling onto her side. Honestly, was it even that big of a deal? So what if she had a crush on Tsuna? He should be flattered that she would ever think about him romantically. She fervently nodded in agreement with that thought, only to press her face into her pillow.
"You idiot." she muttered, lifting her head up. "No wonder he likes Sasagawa and not you."
She immediately sat up, cross legged and exhaled a large breath. Bringing up her palms to her cheeks, Michiko lightly slapped herself twice. Thinking negatively would only lead to spiraling. Tsuna liking someone else was not a personal attack on her, regardless of how personally she took it.
"Tomorrow I will wake up and be okay with this situation. I will go up to Sawada and interact with him as I normally do."
She repeated this line several times, adopting it as a mantra. And so, when morning came around, Michiko walked into the classroom and confidently greeted Tsuna with a smile.
This is okay. I am okay. Everything is okay.
God this is probably one of the worst summers of my life. Remember that time when I was harassed by delinquents at the beach and then they showed up again after stealing money from Yamamoto and Gokudera's booth at the festival? Yeah, this tops that.
Sitting on the wooden porch, Michiko exasperatedly waved the fan in her left hand, praying for some kind of breeze in the sweltering humidity. She swiped her right forearm against her sweat ridden forehead, grimacing at the moist trail left on her arm. She begrudgingly rubbed her arm against her sundress, disgusted at the now obvious damp spot staining the hem.
Summers in Namimori were bad enough, but in the countryside, they were much worse. As opposed to her usual summer plans, which mainly consisted of helping Tsuna and Yamamoto with remedial classes, Michiko was spending her vacation at her grandparents' house. Now that her grandparents were getting older, her parents had realized the children rarely had the opportunity to spend time with them. In fact, the last time Michiko could recall seeing her grandparents was shortly after Chika and Chiaki's birth.
She didn't have any particular opinion on spending her vacation time with her family. At least not before she had learned that her grandparents lived somewhere that could very well substitute as one of the levels of hell. To make matters worse, her grandparents lived in a rather old house and had no air conditioning. Despite, having stayed there for a week, she still hadn't adjusted to the environment. Michiko was just waiting for vacation to end so she could finally return to her comfortable and cool room.
Her gaze shifted to her phone. Automatically, the screen lit up and buzzed with messages from a group chat. She tossed her fan aside, scooping the phone into her hand, lazily scrolling through the notifications. She double tapped the message from Haru, opening the group chat with the two of them and Kyoko. A picture of the two girls adorned in their yukata filled the screen attached with the message 'We got dressed up for the festival today! Wish you were here :('
Michiko smiled, typing a message in response. 'You guys look great. Hope you have fun! I can't wait to finally get back to the city'
After sending the message, her phone vibrated, a notification appearing at the top of the screen. A message from Yamamoto. She clicked on it.
'Too bad you're missing the festival this year. I'm just going to have to hold onto all my prizes until you guys get back.'
She chuckled, thinking back to the first time Chika had appeared with her arms filled to the brim with prizes Yamamoto had won. She wobbled over, trying her best not to drop anything. Behind the mountain of trinkets, her face was glowing in absolute awe while Michiko threw a questioning look in Yamamoto's direction. He awkwardly smiled, scratching his cheek and shrugging his shoulders. Michiko placed a hand to her forehead and sighed, while Chika looked up at her pleadingly. Since then, it was customary for Chika to come home with a bag full of prizes from the summer festival.
'Or this could be the year you finally let the vendors leave with some of their dignity still intact.'
'It wouldn't be much of a tradition if I didn't clear out the stalls'
Michiko playfully rolled her eyes, shifting them towards the running figures of her siblings who were nearing closer. Chika waved her arms, while Chiaki followed behind with plastic bags swinging on his arms.
"Onee-chan!" Chika called out. "We got fireworks! Mom said we can play with them tonight in the backyard!"
When the two stopped in front of Michiko, Chiaki pulled open the plastic bag revealing the vast assortment. "We have sparklers, rockets, poppers, and then there's the one that looks like a snake."
A big grin on his face as he peered into the bag, still naming all the different types of fireworks he could see.
"And, and, and " Chika interrupted. "The best part is that even though we can't go to the festival in Namimori, we can still have our own festival here! Isn't that just the greatest?" she asked, swiveling her head back and forth, seeking confirmation from her siblings.
Chiaki squeezed his eyes shut and furiously nodded his head in agreement. It had become a sort of tradition to go to the summer festival yearly and end the night watching the fireworks with everyone, so needless to say none of the Kobayashi siblings were particularly enthusiastic upon discovering they would be missing out this year. The twins, however, had seemingly gotten over it, unlike Michiko. She plastered on a smile for them, happy they were finally enjoying their vacation.
Maybe it's better that I'm getting this space… After all it's been weeks, and nothing has changed.
After resolving to behave as she did before the discovery of her feelings, Michiko had realized she was completely and utterly screwed. Factoring her feelings into account made it impossible to act normally. When Tsuna smiled in her direction, she felt her breath hitch in her throat. When their hands accidentally brushed against each other, she retracted her hand so quickly you'd think she had just touched a hot stove. When she entered a room knowing he was there, her eyes would immediately seek him out. It's as if realizing how much she liked him had pushed her feelings into overdrive.
She sighed, lifting herself up and heading towards the twins. It had to be a matter of time before she was finally over him, right? At least that's what she was hoping this vacation would do for her.
When the sun had set, the Kobayashi children gathered in the backyard. They sat on their knees on the wooden porch, hunched over the open plastic bag of fireworks. Chika and Chiaki's eyes sparkled as they dove into the assortment with both hands.
"One at a time, you two!" Michiko chastised, holding up her index finger.
The twins, with both of their hands still buried into the bag, pursed their lips and shared a side glance before looking up at their sister. Hesitantly, they both pulled out only one firework and rushed off the porch to the backyard.
"Be careful!" Michiko shouted out to them.
"We will be!" they chorused back, squealing at the firework they had just set off.
Michiko let out a small snort, searching through the bag of fireworks. Picking up a sparkler, she hopped off the porch, lighter also in hand. She slid her thumb against the wheel and brought it to the edge of the sparkler, sparks jumping off the tip. She watched as sparks shot out, whirling around in the cool summer air. She twirled her wrist around, a smile forming on her face, eyes absentmindedly following the twinkling light. A buzzing sensation from her pocket pulled her out of her daze. She jolted, staring at the bulky rectangular outline of her phone in her cardigan pocket.
She swapped the sparkler to her left hand, using her now free right hand to fish out her phone. Scanning through her notifications, Michiko opened up the messaging app to respond to a text from Yamamoto. She tapped on the message, waiting for the picture he sent to load.
'Watching the fireworks right now. Hopefully, you and the twins can join us next year.'
Michiko double tapped the photo, enlarging it to get a better view. Yamamoto was closest to the camera, as he had taken the photo. His eyes were closed, and he beamed his signature smile. Behind him were Gokudera and Ryohei. Gokudera's mouth was open, most probably cursing out Ryohei and holding his fist up threateningly while the latter had his arms crossed and head thrown back in laughter. Michiko squinted her eyes, pushing the phone closer to her face. She pulled her index finger and thumb to the screen, spreading them outwards to zoom into the corner. A bit further behind Gokudera and Ryohei was Haru who was chasing after Lambo. And further behind her stood Tsuna and Kyoko, shoulders touching while "lovingly gazing" upon one another. Michiko bit her lip, swallowing the lump in her throat.
"Just breathe" she thought to herself. The sparkler in her other hand which had long since gone out, fell to the ground. She clutched the phone with both hands, pressing it closer to her face and squinting harder. The tears began to well up in her eyes. It didn't matter, even if their expressions only looked like pixelated little boxes, she knew the face Tsuna was making. She had seen it enough in person to know how completely enamored with Kyoko he was. She sniffled, her breath quivering.
"Onee-chan?"
She hastily pushed her fingers against the inner corners of her eyes, swiping away any tears. She turned to see Chika peering up at her, head tilted, and big eyes filled with concern.
"What's up Chika?" Michiko flashes her a smile, hoping the younger girl doesn't pry any further. "Are you done with the fireworks?"
Chika jut out her lower lip in a pout and stared hard at the ground, contemplating whether she should ask. She shakes her head, deciding the direct route would not be the best solution. She raises her head up, a blinding smile on her lips.
"No, I wanted to ask you if you wanted another sparkler. The one you had went out already."
"Oh." Michiko looked over at the burnt-out sparkler on the ground. She crouched down to pick it up. "I think I'm done for the night." she lets out an empty laugh.
Chika furrows her brows, pulling her arms across her chest. "But we still have a whole bag of fireworks left."
Michiko glanced at the porch where the open bag lay. "You and Chiaki can finish it off. I'm not really feeling up to it. Think I'll head to bed early tonight."
She tried her best to muster up a smile before waving goodbye to her protesting siblings. In the room, Michiko opened the closet and laid out the futon on the ground. Standing opposite the futon, she stretched her arms out forward and collapsed face first into the pillow. She let out a horrendous groan before flipping over to her back.
Staring up at the ceiling she began muttering to herself as tears pricked the corners of her eyes.
"Idiot. How're you going to get over him when you start crying over something you've seen dozens of times in person."
Michiko couldn't remember when she stopped crying nor when she had managed to fall asleep, but the swollen face she woke up to in the morning made her wonder if she did either of those things. If anything, this seemed to be more evidence in favor of her moving on as quickly as possible. She sighed. How was she going to move on? She's avoided him, she's waited in hopes that her crush would fade away, what was left for her? Her eyes widened when the thought popped into her head. She said she wouldn't because there was no chance of it making things better, but anything would be better than her current predicament. In fact it was so stupid that it might just be the very solution she needed.
Change of plans: Figure out how to confess my feelings to Sawada as soon as possible.
I've actually had this chapter half written out for months and was struggling to reach my usual word count bc I had no idea how to end it and transition to the next chapter. Hopefully, the next chapter will not take as long bc I've actually had it planned out v early on. We'll see how well the planning translates into actual writing though aha. The flashback should end in the next chapter and from there it'll go back to regular old future arc stuff.
As always thank you to everyone who favorited, liked, followed, and reviewed. I am so appreciative of everyone who has stuck around for this long lol
