I can feel my heartbeat thrum through my entire body, like an echo of desire as I grip the edge of my hammock tightly. Here it goes... I feel like I'm about to fly through the sky but I don't know where I am or why I'm there, but the feeling grips me whole. Is he going to kiss me? I finally ask myself, the question raising the hairs on my neck until I feel his arms around my back. The scent of sweat and pine fill my nose, while my face is now being touched my something soft yet sturdy. I open my eyes to see that I am pressed against the crook of his neck while he hugs me tightly and I feel like I crashed from the sky with no warning. What?
"Thank you," he says into my ear, squeezing me tighter.
Wait? what? I thought... Oh no! I can't believe I thought that! Oh god! I quickly let go of the hammock and hug him back to not raise suspicion to my previous intentions. I can feel his muscles underneath his shirt, but I'm too caught up in what just happened. I am such an idiot! Oh god! Why did I even think... How could I think that Newt would... Oh my god! Such a total idiot!
"What for," I ask keeping my voice light, but it just came out as high pitched. Hopefully it's muffled by his shirt.
"You are just so amazing," he sighs and lets go of me.
I unwrap my arms around him, reluctant to let him go but as the same time I never wanted to look at him again. He grasps his hands together and put them in his lap, and I brush the hair out of my face.
"Thanks, you're great too." What? 'You're great too?' What the hell is happening?! Just move past it, don't let it get awkward! Anything! Talk about Anything! "How does your leg feel?," I manage to get the words out without vomiting up my dinner.
"A lot better," he instinctively grips it. "Thanks so much for helping me, it would've been bloody awful to do it alone."
"Alone? Has this happened before?"
Newt rubbed his knee," Once or twice, just when I hurt it, like bumping it or falling... I can still do everything else, but it jut gets bloody intense sometimes..." He pauses for a moment and I think he realized I had nothig to ass so he continued. "If I hadn't fallen, I would have smoked you," he laughed.
I forced a chuckle," Yeah, you are right. You're super fast."
"I looked over while I was passing you and your face was priceless," he clapped his hands and leaned back while laughing.
"I was honestly shocked."
"I know, it was written all over your face," his laugh faded.
"But I'm the winner!," I give a small smile.
"Yes, you are the winner. Congratualtions," he tips his head.
"And now you owe me a favor," I feel a sly smile spread across my face.
"That's true. Anything you want."
Make him kiss you! The thought ringed in my head. What!? No!
My smile fell, "Yeah, I'll have to do a raincheck."
"Fair enough. Well...," Newt stands from his hammock. "It's kind of late and life in the Glade starts at dawn."
"Yeah, definitely," I agree.
"I'll see you tomorrow," he gives a million dollar smile before walking out of my room. His limp is very obvious, but I didn't want to bring it up so I let him leave.
I still perfectly still and listen to the sound of his steps retreating to the Homestead, when I can't hear it anymore I cover my face with my hands and topple over onto my hammock. I cover my mouth and scream as loud as I can, when I'm done my throat hurts but I feel better. WHAT! THE! HELL! WAS! THAT! I flip and lay on my back, WHAT THE HELL!? OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! That was, that was terrible! Oh god! That was a disaster! How could I have thought that Newt wanted to kiss me!? OH GOD! DID HE SEE ME?! Did he see me and think I wanted to kiss him? Oh no! What if he hugged me because he didn't want to hurt my feeling?! OH MY GOD! That is what happened! My body stiffens, He said 'You're amazing' because he knew! HE KNOWS! OH GOD NOW HE KNOWS! He knows that I wanted to kiss him and now he knows that I like him! Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god! He said 'You're amazing' because he pitties me. I bring my knees o my chest and turn to my side, He thinks I'm some fucking loser. OH NO! And when I brought my name he was like' wow what a fucking loser, doesn't even have a name, has to make one up' OH GOD! And when he said it would be 'beautiful' he was trying to be nice, extend his pitty. That was such a disaster. I can't ever see his face again! NEVER! I turn on my stomach and scream into my hands again.
My night continued like that for a few more hours in a cycle of denial, regret, acceptance, acting like I didn't care, and then ending with fear. I woke up the next morning and sprinted to work before light, I didn't want anyone to see me. Siggy was pleasantly surprised that I was on time, my mind was still racing, it was like a endless river of question flowing. I wasn't paying attention and the knife slipped, cutting deeply into my palm.
"Ahhh," I stepped back and grabbed my left wrist. I stared in awe at the blood gushing out and dripping to the floor. The pain was sharp, but the sound of blood pumping was so loud I couldn't hear anything else.
Siggy was much quicker, he grabbed a rag and ran me to Med hut. Jeff was surprised to see us rush in, but he treated it like any other injury. He sat me down, held pressure on my wound, which was very painful, and grabbed for his bandage supplies. Siggy excused himself to go back tot he kitchen while Jeff tried to inspect the gash.
"It's deep," he stated.
"It hurts," I try to pull my hand away but his grip was strong.
"Raise it up, above your head, keep the pressure," I follow his instructions while he reaches for wet wag. He stood his eyes level with my hand, wiping the blood and holding a new dry rag to the cut. He held it tightly, concentrating on his task with such focus it was intimidating.
Clint walks into the Med hut with his arms full of green leaves, his face contorts when he sees me. Jeff explains what's happening, Clint sets down his leaves and comes to inspect my hand for himself.
"How did that happen?"
"I was cutting and the knife just slipped," I was starting to feel numb in my palm.
"Well Greenie," Clint chuckled," Didn't need to hurt yourself to come visit us."
I snorted," What can I say? I missed you guys."
Clint laughed and went to his work bench, dividing up the leaves while Jeff pulled away the dry cloth, it was soaked with blood, but my cut wasn't bleeding as hard. Jeff grabbed some weird paste and spread it on the cut, I winced and tried to pull my hand back, but I swear Jeff's grip was like a vice.
He wrapped up the cut quickly," All done," he finally looks me in the eyes. "How you doing, Greenie?"
"Much better now that your done," I try to flex my fingers but it hurts.
"No," he stops me. "It might reopen the gash, try to keep your palm open."
I nod and sigh deeply," Don't even see why I moved out, I'm still always here," I chuckle.
"It's home away from home," Clint laughs. "But it's that way for most of the Slicers, too."
"How have you guys been?," I turn to Jeff.
He shrugs," Meh... it's been normal. Clint thinks these leaves have some curable quality," he rolls his eyes.
"They do!," Clint defended. "We just need to find it."
"We miss having you around though, Greenie. It's not the same coming in here without here you snoring."
My mouth gapes open," I do not snore!"
Clint and Jeff both responded," Yes, you do."
"I do not," I crossed my arms.
"I think we would know," Jeff stands and starts cleaning up my blood that was splattered on the floor.
I mock him when he turns his back. "Well, I miss you guys too. I never really get to see anyone anymore."
"Well, we are always here," Jeff said.
"Yes we are here always," Clint agreed.
I chuckled," So I see you haven't changed."
"Of course not," Clint shook his head, like just the thought was crazy.
"Well... Am I cleared to work?," I hold up my bandaged hand.
"Yeah, you can still work, but only do one handed tasks," Jeff replied.
"There aren't too many of those in the kitchen," I state dryly.
"I'm sure Siggy will figure it out, the Slicers always do. It would only be for two days or so," Jeff shrugged.
"Okay... Thanks again, guys," I smile before leaving.
"Come back soon," Clint waved.
