"So you cut yourself, huh?"

"Well, not on purpose," I stretch and sigh loudly. "My mind was just distracted."

I was sitting on the tower with Jackson, we were looking over the dark Glade while everyone else slept. It had been a few hours since my nightly jog, so everyone was fast asleep. Running the Glade was crazy the past few days, I just kept replaying my race with Newt in my head and guilt sweeps over me every time I hop over the root that caused Newt to fall and hurt his leg. I almost didn't go the night after, but if I ever needed a time to clear my head it was then, I thought exercise would help. It didn't.

"Distracted," Jackson follows my lead and stretches his arms above his head. "Still can't pick a name?"

I scoff at the idea," Unfortunately no, my mind is just... thinking about things that will never happen."

"Like what? Getting out of the Glade, because believe me, we are getting out of this place one day. Don't doubt that," Jackson's voice took a very serious tone.

"It's not that...," I shift to face him, pulling on leg up onto the platform. "It's something I haven't told you yet..."

Jackson turns his head, slowly and with his eyes scary round," Oh, is that so?"

I let a giggle slip," I'm being serious!"

His face shift back to normal," Okay, tell me then."

"You can't tell anyone!"

"Who would I tell?"

"Uhm, Aidan or Billy," I said it as if it was obvious.

"I won't say anything, I promise," he holds his hand to his heart.

"Okay good... it's embarrassing, but it is eating me away!"

"Oh, Just tell me!," Jackson grew impatient.

"Okay," I pull my other leg up and cross them, facing Jackson straight on while he kept his legs over the edge. I brush the hair behind my ears and clear my throat. Where do I even start? "Uhmmm... Well, okay. So, a few days ago I got out of the shower..." I filled Jackson in on every detail, even the part about Newt's leg and me screaming into my hammock for hours. Jackson was such a good listener, he was so intrigued by what I was saying. At some point, he pulled himself off the edge and faced me completely, occasionally he would make a comment or ask a question. When I was done, I felt almost revealed to have it all off my chest, but also scared for what he would interpret it as. "What do you think? Am I just going out of my mind or did it seem like he was going to kiss me?!"

"Wow...," he leans back on his hands. "That is interesting."

"What!?," I ask eagerly.

"All of it. Nothing like this has ever happened! It's so exciting to have a girl here."

"Really? Was is exciting when everyone thought we were dating? Oh god What if Newt thinks we're dating!?," my hand covers my mouth.

"Oh, no that was not exciting... And I seriously doubt that, Newt does not read into the drama of this place."

"I thought there was no drama before me?"

"Oh we had drama, but it was just boy stuff, like 'I'm stronger than you' or 'I don't think your a hard worker' or 'You think you're better than me because you are blah blah blah.' No real content. It's actually one of the reasons Nick added the whole 'Never Harm Another Glader Rule."

"Were you ever involved?"

"Me? No," he scoffed at the thought. "I mean people think I'm a loser because I'm a Bagger, but it doesn't really bother me."

"I don't think you are a loser, Jackson."

"Well, I know that. You've met me, you know how awesome I am," he smiles and I roll my eyes.

So Newt doesn't think I'm dating Jackson, good. Maybe he doesn't like me... he could like guys.

" So... you're telling me that's one here has ever crushed on someone else?! That's crazy..." I leave my statement open, hoping he fills me in on anything he has heard.

Jackson shook his head," Half of the kids here haven't even hit puberty!" I raise an eyebrow," Okay fine, so maybe a little less than half."

I smile but drop it quickly," Seriously Jackson, my problem!" So no one here is openly gay. Newt could be hiding it? It would be kind of hard to be gay in a world of only boys...

"Right, right," he sits up again. "Well, I can see it from both sides. You like Newt, so when he does something I might consider to be friendly, you might misinterpret as more, because you like him. But from what you tell me, people don't lean forward like that to give a hug, it makes me think there might be something there," I let out a gasp, but he hold up a finger," Let me finish. I don't want you to get your hopes up just to find out he doesn't like you like that. Maybe pull back a little and sees what happens."

"Pull back?"

"Yeah, like maybe don't seek him out or-..."

"I never seek him out! If anything, I avoid him. He makes me feel so out of control of my body, like my stomach starts doing flip, my heart races, my breathing gets all weird and I can barely think straight. Lately when I've talked to him, it's been by coincidence or he finds me."

"That's... interesting."

"Interesting? Interesting how?"

"I don't know," Jackson shrugged and my shoulders slumped. "Hey, I'm just as clueless as you when it comes to all of this stuff."

"And did I tell you that Gally was in the shower room when I was there? I was weird, but then he made me the new room so I don;t know what is happening with him."

"He was in the bath house when you were in there?," Jackson was surprised.

"Yeah and he was acting weird, I have no idea what's up with him."

"Don't worry, as your boyfriend, I will protect you," Jackson joked.

"Don't say that," I chuckled then sigh and look back to the Glade. "It's getting real hard to avoid Newt, soon I'll have to go to the Garden to pick up the produce again and he is always there... I guess, now I'm just so scared he knows how I feel and I'm still so lost on what he is thinking..."

"You could always just ask him?"

I snap my head back towards Jackson," Are you insane? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"

He was unfazed by my insult," I'm just saying, if I liked a girl, I would just tell her and see if she felt the same."

"Well you've never liked a girl," I mutter and he chuckles.

"Yeah, that's true. But maybe one day when we get out of here I'll find the girl of my dreams...," he looks out on the Glade.

"It's different to say it then to actually do it. It's easy to say something... like, 'I want to run 50 laps around the Glade everyday.' See? that's easy, but to actually do it is work and it's hard... and super scary."

"Honestly, I don't even get what you see in him," Jackson pivots to dangle his feet over the edge over the tower.

"I don't know," I pull at my hair," I like to think I see him pretty well. He's really kind, he would put every single Glader before himself if he was ever put into that position. He is a great leader here, always helping out whenever he can, and I can tell he honestly cares about what he does. He is an amazing listener, no matter what someone says, it feels like you have his undivided attention. His personality is so positive, he sees a bright side to most things and when he can't see the bright side, he just tries to state the obvious without bringing up something bad. I can tell he doesn't like to bring people bad news, it's probably why he is such a goofball. Newt is so funny, he is always making me laugh with his jokes and just how he presents himself, you know?... He knows how to make me feel better...," I smile at the thought, then stop. Wow, I've been talking a lot. None of it makes any sense anyway... well, just to me.

Jackson is still looking at the Glade, "Those are a lot of good qualities to see in someone."

"He has a lot of good qualities...," I feel a blush rise in my cheeks. Wow, he really does... Almost too many.