TWO CHAPTERS IN ONE DAY!
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I run through the Deadhead at full speed, The name Rachel is nice? Or maybe Rochelle? I jump over the Oak root and pick up my pace, ever since my race I feel like I'm not really as quick as I thought I was. Delia is really pretty, am I a Delia? I'll have to ask Jackson. Alina is really pretty too... but I like how short and simple Lea is. I make the sharp corner and weave through the sparse trees towards the open grass of the Glade. I rush past the Map room, But Jackson does not have good advice when it comes to names, and neither does Ben... I mean Wrenneth, really? Well, Lola wasn't bad but I just don't like the way it sounds. LOW-LA. I round the corner of the blood house and I come to a stop, my legs were shaking at the energy they had expended. My breath is rapid and shaky, Damn, how the hell did I win that race? I'm so not in shape... I half walk/half limp to finish my lap around the Glade. I ran a little earlier than usual today, the last rays on sunlight are spread across the Glade like a spotlight of golden triumph. Maybe I'll do better tomorrow... Damn, my thighs hurt like hell. How does Ben do this all day!? It's insane, I can barely run a full lap of the Glade... No one even knows how big the maze is. I could go on forever, an endless alley of twists and turns with no real solution. I should turn around, it's too early to go to bed and I have nothing to do in my room. I could just sit by tree for awhile. It might help me pick a name... Mhmm, Vera? It's kind of mysterious.
"Hey," A voice catches my attention. I snap my head to the left, I'm walking by the Gardens, but I don't see anyone. That's super creepy, I continue walking, but keep my eyes on the Garden in case anything tries to pop up and scare me.
"Hey," the voice is in front of me, I walk into someone and let out a shrill yell. "Hey, it's okay. Only me," Newt laughs at my terror.
I step back," Why would you do that," I put a hand on my chest, my heart beating as if I was still running.
Newt laughed before answering," I'm sorry. I couldn't resist."
Oh god! Why is he talking to me?! Jackson said to pull back... but he came to me?
"You scared me..."
"I know, I'm sorry," he is still smiling.
"What are you even doing here... in the Garden?"
"I was just passing the time before I head to dinner."
"Well, did you just want me to almost pee myself or did you want to say something?"
"Oh...," his mouth forms a small circle. "Uhm... well I was wondering if you thought of your favor yet?"
"My favor?"
"Yeah, I mean, its been like three days." Five days, I corrected silently. "So I thought maybe you knew what you would want to ask me."
"Uhh.. no. I haven't really thought into it, I guess."
"Oh, well that's okay too," he smiles sheepishly. "There is no time limit. Are you headed home now?," He points behind him with his thumb.
"Yeah, but there really isn't thing for me to do..."
"Oh, I'm not doing anything if you want the company." Company? Alone with you? Sounds like a bad idea! What happens when I misread what you do or say?! What if Jackson is right, this might just be all made up in my head. I was thinking so hard, I forgot to answer. "It's okay if you want to be alone."
"Oh!," I focus back on Newt. "No, I'd love some company." Really? Would I love company?
I walk closer and he side steps to be beside me and we both walk towards the corner of the Glade. What do I say? How can I tell if he likes me? Why can't I just let this go and just be friends with him? Friends sounds so simple. Jackson and I are just friends and I don't have to be anyone but myself, but with Newt he makes me act different... he makes me feel different.
"Jeff told me you got a nasty cut on your hand," Newt said while looking ahead.
"Yeah I did, I wasn't able to work for a few days, but it's healing okay," without thinking I lift my arm and feel the scare with my thumb.
"Wow, that is.. quite the cut," he grabs my hand and holds my palm to his face.
My face burns and I gently pull my hand back," Yeah, it didn't really hurt."
"It looks painful."
I shook my head," Not really," I look at the wall. Up ahead something catches my eye, the name wall. I slow down and stop in front of it, I look over all the names, even the ones that have been crossed out. I see Nick's name in the top right, it was small but it was still there even though he wasn't. "Once I get a name," I say out loud, "I'll get to add it to this wall." Newt steps beside me, but doesn't say anything.
I reach up and graze my hand against the names, the texture feels rough and gagged against my hand. There is Lee's name, I see it just under Jackson's, it's bright and new, unlike the other faded ones. I'm going to be next on this wall. I have to pick a name before the next Greenie comes. Lee has been here for around two weeks or so... Wait how many marks are on my tree? My eyes shift to Newt's name... Newt.
"What names do you like?," Newt clears his throat.
"I like Delia... maybe Lea, but also Alina and Elyce... but I don't really know. None of them really mean anything to me, because none of them are me. I need my name to define me, but I don't even know what my definition is...," my hands glides down the wall past Gally and Alby until it reaches Newt's name.
"I think they are all beautiful."
Beautiful. That word again... But it doesn't mean anything, it's just a word, I shake the idea from my head.
"Remember that night we were in the kitchen?" N-E-W-T, the letter we so small and sideways.
"Yeah, I-I remember."
"You said you were thinking of the girls names you knew..."
"I was...," I see him to to me in peripheral vision. He was fidgeting, his arms were at his sides but he was picking his fingers with his thumbs.
"Everyone has told me to go for it, to really chose a name... except for you; even Ben told me the name he liked. You knew I was looking for one, even after Lee showed up." T-W-E-N, I traced the letters backwards. Newt shifted, Is he uncomfortable? Maybe I shouldn't have asked... It doesn't really matter. Why am I asking? "What was the name you thought of, that night in the kitchen?" It was like my mouth was not controlled by my mind, SHUT UP!, I screamed internally.
I finally turned my body to look at him, taking my hand of the wall and let it run through my hair. He looked transcendent in the evening dusk, the golden light was gone and replaced by a deep blue and purple sky. He looked away, Why wont he tell me?
"Why won't you tell me?"
"I-I... I think your name should be yours. I know it means a lot to you and you think it's really important... I don't want to influence your decision and you regret it later, wishing you had chosen something that suited you better." Wow... That's really... I don't even know what that is? Caring? Considerate... Amazingly sweet? Newt finally faced me, his big brown eyes were so beautiful and earnest. "No matter what you chose, and no matter what we call you, you'll still the same person."
What kind of person does he think I am? I can't just ask... I wish I was more like Jackson, then I would just know. No more guessing and trying to figure it out. My name is important, I just can't figure out which one it is... I can't look away from him, I feel hypnotized by his gaze while a lump in my throat begins to form. It's all in your head. He.. He doesn't like you like that.
"So... you think my name doesn't really matter?," I tear my eyes away and look back at the wall.
"In a way," he defends his reasoning quickly. "I cant imagine what it's like to be you. The first girl on the Glade, no name and no memories. It has to be a real life nightmare, so I get exactly why you need this so badly... but at the same time I don't think you should stress about it so much. I mean, if you chose the name pig trough, I still won't see you any differently."
I let out an abrupt laugh and Newt joined me, "Pig Trough? It does have a nice ring... might be hard to carve in, not too much space left."
"Well, you could use the whole wall if you wanted," Newt was still chuckling.
"I think I want something shorter," I joked.
"Whatever it is, it'll be great because you're great," he stops abruptly. "I mean, yeah, you're great, I mean of course. We're all great, all of us. An amazing group, we should be proud," he rushes through his sentence quickly.
Great? Okay...? " Well, we're only great because we have great leaders," I smiled before pressing forwards, towards my room and away from the wall.
"Yeah, Alby is really good," Newt was solemn.
"I meant you too."
"Oh," the corner of his mouth twitched upward," Thanks... but it's mostly Alby," he kicks a smile pile of leaves that are to his left.
"I think you both do a good job."
Daylight is gone and now, we walk past the Homestead and to my room. Does he want to come inside? Should I offer? Wait, do I even want him to come in? Yeah, I do. But what if I want to kiss him again, I don't know what to do!
"Newt...," He looks at me with his gorgeous round eyes and my heart flutters. "Uhm... I just want to say thank you."
"Thank you? For what?," his brow furrows.
"For... the other night. I was a real mess... and thanks for staying with me," I want to look away but I can't.
"Oh... there's no need to thank me... I'm... just glad I could help you. I want you to know that I'll always be there if you need me...," his words send a shiver down my spine, I see a quick redness rise to his cheeks before he adds,"... to talk or whatever. Uhm... Don't forget that favor, okay?"
"I won't," I smile.
"Have a... have a good night," he turns and head towards the Homestead.
"You too...," I say it too softly for him to hear me. I felt a wide variety of emotions as I watched Newt disappear into the shadows, the first was sadness. I wanted him to stay for a while and talk to me more, the next was frustration and regret for not confronting him about everything to see if hoe he feels. Behind that I was relieved because being around him makes me so anxious, but I was happy just to have spent the small amount of time together that we had.
