The rest of the night went painfully slow. I just drank and watched it all go by, no wanting to participate in the festivities. Newt was acting different now it seemed, or maybe it was all in my head, he seemed somewhat awkward now. I mean, we had always been awkward with one another, but now I would catch him looking at me then making some excuse as to why, like there was bug on me or he was waving to a Glader behind me. Maybe now that he knows I'm single... it's weird for him? Maybe he really is gay...

I waited there a while longer, no wanting to seem rude or impatient, but now I was drunk and starting to get emotional.

"I think I'm going to head home," I smiled while I whispered to Newt.

"Home? Already?," he looked puzzled.

Just do it, my body pressured me. Just kiss him... see what he does back. Maybe Jackson is on to something? What?... NO! Oh don't do it! I had already started to lean forward until I pulled away, it wasn't subtle at all.

"Ugh... I-... I am just tired," I managed to form the excuse.

"Well... alright. I can walk you back if you'd like?"

"NO!," I cleared my throat,"I mean, no, it's okay. I'll... I'll see you around."

I waved goodbye to everyone else as I left the party, but instead of veering right to my home, I went left toward the Glade. I followed the narrow path to the opening, looked up to the tower where there was a faint glow of light.

He's probably sleeping..., I thought while I climbed the stairs. But when I reached to top, it was vacant, Jackson wasn't there. Where is he?

"BOO!," Jackson jumped out from the other side of the tree and I had to catch myself on the railing.

"AHH!"

Jackson just laughed," Oh... You should have seen it! That was perfect!"

"Jackson!," I hit him repeatedly. "Never do that again! I could have fell off!"

"No, that's why there's a gaurd rail," he said while chuckling.

"I didn't even see you. I thought you went to the bathroom to something."

Jackson spawned a new laugh," I'm a man. The world is my bathroom."

"Ew," I brushed past him and sat on the edge.

"I saw you coming," he sat beside me. "It was a once in limetime oppurtunity."

"Shut up," I tried to joke, but it came out harsh.

"Damn, Okay... I'm sorry? I didn't think you would be this angry?"

I sighed, What the hell happened tonight? I don't even understand... I felt the pressure build. No, you are not crying. NO!

"I'm... I'm not mad. I... I..."

My throat swelled and I was now gasping for breath, trying to hold all of inside me was harder than I expected.

"I... I...," I struggled to explain to him. I don't know why I had lashed out for no reason, it didn't make since.

"Hey, are you okay?," Jackson sounded legitimately concerned as he looked to me.

"I'm... yeah... fine," I turned to the glade but my chest was tight and the air seemed to vanish.

Jackson stayed silent, he knew I was lying. I could feel him staring at me and all my emotions bubbled up and I couldn't contain it anymore. I gasped and started to sob, tears flowing down my face with ease. I covered my face and tried to hide but it wouldn't mask the loud crying and obvious shaking of my body. I was so upset, I didn't really have a valid reason to be. I was frustrated, how could I let my hopes up again?! And I was just so overwhelmed, being in the Glade for two months and I still couldn't adjust to the life. Everyday I felt like an outcast and I felt like such a small unnoticeable blimp on the radar of whoever was in control of this sick twisted game of my life.

Jackson must have been caught by surprise by my sudden outburst, because it took a few seconds to speak.

"Hey... hey... it's okay," he obviously had no idea what to do which only made me feel worse and fueled my tears.

"I... I'm... I'm ... I'm sorry...," I cried into my hands.

I felt terrible. Awful. Jackson tried to so hard to help me, he got me time with Newt and encouraged me to be myself. He tried to teach me how to read the signs and how to respond, but none of it worked. None of it helped. Newt saw me as nothing more than a friend. It hurt. It hurt a lot because I wanted more, but at the same time I didn't even understand what more really meant. I had no clue to how to be a girlfriend or even just let a guy know that I liked them! I was just stuck, but Jackson was always so nice to me, he never made me feel stupid for being so clueless. He was such a good friend and here I was just bawling my eyes out for no reason.

I tried to wipe the tears away but they were never ending.

"Hey," Jackson leaned forward so he was in my line of vision. "What happened? Talk to me."

Just those few short, simple words made me lose it all over again. He was too good. Too kind. I buried my face again crying again, so thankful to have him. He was one of the few people I could trust here and talk to openly.

I felt his body go rigid beside me," What happened?"

"I... I... I'm sorry," I apologized again.

"Sorry for what? What happened tonight!?"

"N-Newt... he..."

"What did he do? Did he do something," Jackson sounded angry.

I shook my head," He... he doesn't like... like me..."

Jackson softened and I heard him sigh deeply. My tears were slowing and my breathing was coming back, I felt gross and hollow. Disgusted at myself, why was I crying, there was no reason to cry. I sounded so stupid, I could hear it, it was so pathetic which only made me feel more pathetic.

Jackson wrapped his arm around me, it was such a small gesture but it felt so comforting. He was so warm, I leaned into him, wiping away my tears, hopefully for the last time.

"He's a slinthead," Jackson said softly in a disappointed tone.

I didn't say anything, I knew if I did, I would risk crying all over again and I wanted to seem strong. I fumbled with my hands while Jackson rubbed my shoulder soothingly, as we both sat looking over the Glade. I could see the fire where the party was still raging and occasionally a shouting drunk idiot would ring in the air, but all that was heard consistently was the murmur of far away conversations.

"I wouldn't worry about him anymore. Plenty of other guys here..."

It was a sweet thing for him to say but I didn't want other guy. At the moment I didn't want anyone.

"Besides, I can barely understand what he's saying half the time," Jackson chuckled.

I knew he was trying to make me feel better but it was not doing it for me. Jackson kept talking, his voice droned into a lulling melody while his chest rising and falling was like being rocked back and forth. I closed my eyes for a second, warm and raw in his embrace; seconds turned into minutes which turned into a peaceful night of slumber.


Hope this was worth the wait!