It had been two days since the bonfire.
I don't know how he did it, but Jackson somehow got me to work the next morning. Siggy knew something was wrong, I was quiet, didn't smile or even talk. Every time he asked, I just shook my head telling him there was nothing wrong. After a few times he laughed and blamed it on the hooch and told me the remedy was to eat a raw onion. He handed me one and went back to work, I didn't eat it. I was slow the next day too, and Siggy was getting frustrated that I wasn't moving at the normal pace I once had. I don't even remember what we cooked those two days.
All I wanted to do was sleep, when I was sleeping nothing was real. I could pretend that I was in a house with my parents, going to school and living a normal life. Jackson wouldn't let me, he made me stay awake, walk the Glade with him, go to dinner, shower and talk. I know he wanted to help, he wanted things to feel normal again, but they didn't. I saw it in Jackson's movements when we toured the Glade, he was always looking around, trying to keep me from Newt, I could tell. He had done a good job, I hadn't seen him, not even at meal times. But staying away from him couldn't be the permanent solutions, I was going to see him eventually trapped in this box from hell.
Jackson was stretched on the middle hammock in my room, rambling about how stupid the Slicers were for thinking cutting into the chicken would find the eggs. I wasn't listening, I was studying the ends of my hair, pulling off the parts that split, still thinking about the bonfire. It was exhausting playing the scene in my head over and over, but I couldn't stop. The sound of his voice , the way the shadows danced on his face, it gave goosebumps and chills that spread through me. They way his eyes were almost black in the dark, then the words that shattered it all. I remembered how his face was hidden in the shadows, it broke my heart all over again. I remember him finally looking at me, he didn't even look sad.
"Are you even listening?"
I jolted back to where I was, Jackson was now sitting up and looking at me.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm listening."
He groaned," You are the worst liar, ever!"
I sighed," I'm sorry."
"No, it's okay," he looked away briefly. "Do you want to talk about it?"
I did... but I also didn't. I had cried to Jackson the last two days and somehow, I don't know how, he managed to listen and comfort me. He reassured me that Newt was being stupid and that I was too good for him. It was a laughable concept, but I felt a little better when he would say it. There was nothing left for me to do, I had told him every detail of that night, everything I remembered.
"There's nothing left to say...," I gripped the side of my hammock tightly and looked to the ground.
"I know it still hurts."
"Yeah," I caught my breath. "It does."
"I wish Newt wasn't so stupid."
I let out a sharp laugh and looked up to Jackson, he had a small smile on his face.
"I... I just... wish it was different."
"Me too."
"I just don't-..."
"Hello?!"
Jackson and I both turned to the doorway and there in the opening was Ben. He looked at me then Jackson and then back to me, trying to assess the situation. It must have looked weird, we were both just sitting there staring at one another. Ben tired not to make it awkward but he did anyway.
"Oh... I'm sorry. I... I didn't mean to interrupt."
Jackson looked to Ben then me," Interrupt what?," he cocked an eyebrow.
"Oh, just the conversation..."
"It's okay, Ben," I wiped my nose.
"Haven't seen you around," he smile and leaned on the frame.
"Oh... yeah. I've just been... around, I guess."
"Well... I thought I should come check on you, see what was new...," his eyes darted around the room.
Why is this so weird? I don't think I've ever been with Ben and Jackson at the same time...
"Well," Jackson slapped his knees before standing. "It's my night to watch, so I have to get going. You gonna be okay?" Jackson paused to look at me, blocking Ben out.
"Yeah, I'm good," I tired to play casual but it didn't work.
"See you around, Jackson," Ben smiled.
"Ben," Jackson nodded before leaving.
When Jackson left, Ben didn't move. He looked at me and sighed dramatically," Kind of intense, isn't he?"
I shrugged, Jackson was just being extra protective because of Newt.
Ben took a step into the room," So... what've you been doing?"
I shrugged again, there was nothing to tell. I went to work and came home, that was it.
Ben finally wandered into my room, slowly ambling towards me, his hands in his pockets.
"You seem... kind of different. Everything okay?"
I wrapped my arms around myself unhappily, I can't seem to hide anything for anyone here...
"I'm fine."
Ben scoffed," Sure sounds like it."
My anger flared," What do you want, Ben?," I snapped at him.
He instinctively took a step back, hands up, trying to show he was not threat to me," Woah."
I sighed heavily and laid on my hammock, what is wrong with me? Ben waited a moment, then decided the ghost was clear and approached me again.
"Should I leave, or...?," Ben left the question open for me to answer.
I sighed again and closed my eyes," No. I'm sorry. I just... It's been a tough few days."
"So something is happening," Ben dug deeper.
"I'm just... a mess."
Ben shuffled his feet," Hey, it happens. Adjusting to life in the Gl-..."
"I'm adjusted, Ben, I've been here for two months."
Ben sighed," No one really adjusts to this life."
I glanced to him, he looked sad, maybe Ben isn't really adjusted to the Glade yet either. How long has he been here? I don't even know.
"How long have you been here, Ben?"
Ben sighed," I came here about 5 months ago."
"And you still... I mean, it's still not normal?"
"No."
I wrapped my arms around myself and closed my eyes. It felt like the world was spinning, I don't even know where this place is... Are we on Earth? Did aliens abduct us all and erase out memories? Are we even real?! What if I'm the only real one here... and everyone else is a hologram or something. This could all just be one big hallucination.
"Do you ever really just think about this place," I asked him.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean all of it. The maze, the glade, all of us. Do you ever just think about if it's even real or not?"
"What? If what's real?"
I sighed," Forget it."
"Hey, don't get all frustrated. Just explain."
I sat up again. "What if this place isn't even real? It could all be fake. Where even are we?! What if we aren't even alive? What... What happens when we die here, do we really die? What if we go back to nomral life or something?"
"Woah, Woah. Calm down, there," Ben chuckled uneasily. "This place is real. I'm real. You're real."
"How can you know?"
He shrugged casually," The same way I know when I'm hungry, I eat. It's just common sense."
He doesn't get it.
"Yeah, you're right Ben," I said just so I wouldn't have to re explain myself.
"Maybe you should get a hobby, like working in the garden or helping tend the animals."
The idea of going to the garden made my skin clammy, Newt was in the garden. Not that the garden was very appealing to me anyway, I didn't like the extra dirt and mud or the stupid weeds you had to pull.
"I don't know. I think I'm okay with the load of work I have now."
"Who knows, maybe that work won't matter soon."
"I doubt it. The guys here eat like they've never tasted food," I dipped my foot off the hammock and slowly rocked myself.
"What I mean is, maybe we won't have to do anything here anymore..."
"What? Alby would ne-...," I froze. I sat up quickly, too quickly that I nearly fell of the hammock and onto the ground. "Wait! Wait! What... What are you saying?"
Ben looked at me with a sneaky smile on his face," I'm saying, we might not have to be here... at all."
The maze. He found it. He found the way out of the maze! WE CAN LEAVE!
Ben saw the excitement grow in my eyes and tried to calm me down before I got overly enthusiastic.
"Hold up," he said before I opened my mouth. "Nothing is official."
"But... you're saying...," I leaned froward, the anticipation killing me.
"I'm saying, I turned a corner in the maze and it looked like...," he paused. "It looked real."
"BEN!," I leaped up and hugged him. "That is amazing news!" I pulled away and danced around my room.
Real. Like real freedom. Past this dingy walls that suffocate us all. A real life. A better existence. Something... Real.
"Woah, woah there. Don't get too crazy. Nothing's for certain."
I stopped dancing," I know... but it gives me hope."
Ben grinned happily," Good."
