I found Ben the next day, except our roles had switched and it was me who found him sitting by the small tree in the Deadhead. He was so deep in whatever he was thinking he didn't even see me approach him.
"Ben?," I called to him and he visibly jumped.
"Gosh... Damn, you nearly killed me," his hand lightly rested on his chest while the res to his body looked frozen and rigid.
"I'm sorry," I sat beside him. "I wasn't trying to sneak up on you."
He sighed," Yeah, I know that."
"What are you thinking about that you don't even notice the world around you?"
"Nothing," he shook his head. "It was nothing."
"I...," I paused. "I hope you're not thinking to much about the maze."
"Oh, no, I wasn't," he turned away from me, almost as if he was embarrassed.
"Oh, good. New-...," I stopped myself. "Everyone here says its bad to overthink stuff."
Ben just nodded, saying nothing to me. He must have been thinking about the maze, what else would have him so focused? I don't want to stress him but I'm just so curious.
"Hey, Ben?," I shift in the small patch of dry dirt to face him more head on.
"Hmm?," he asks without turning back to me.
Being a Runner must be the hardest job here, so close to freedom but you can't find it. I don't know how Ben does it. I don't think I could.
"How are you?"
He turns to me," How am I?"
"Yeah... how are you feeling?"
He looks a little surprised," Uh... well, I'm... I'm okay. Why? How are you?"
I smiled," I'm doing really good." I wasn't. I was just doing okay, but I didn't want to seem like such a downer. It felt like I was always sad or upset about something here.
"Really? Well, that is great. I'm happy to hear it," he smiled. "I'm really glad you're doing so well. I admit, I worried about you," Ben pulled a blade of grass from the ground and twirled it in his hands.
I blushed," Yeah... I... I didn't exactly make a graceful entrance to the Glade."
Ben chuckled," That's one way to put it."
"Well, I'm happy to hear you're doing good too. I... I know it must be tough to be a Runner."
Ben sighed and leaned his head back against the tree," You could say that again."
"Anything you want to talk about?"
"Uh... no. It's nothing really. Just Mihno is getting really aggressive about finding the right path. I think he feels a lot of pressure to be the one to take us all home. And... we're so close... So close."
"Yeah, I can't even imagine..."
Ben sighed again," But it's not that big of a deal. We are close to a break and he can take the credit so we can all go home."
"Even if Mihno does take the credit, I'll still know you were a key element of it all, Ben."
His lips twitched into a smile," Thanks... So that meeting last night," he smirked.
"Don't."
"What?," he laughed.
"That was so weird! I don;t even really understand the point."
"Alby did it to keep everyone safe."
"Safe from what? Me?!," I flailed my arms.
"No. To keep you safe."
I turned to Ben, keep me safe from what?
"What are you talking about?"
Ben sighed," Nothing. forget it."
"Uh, no. Tell me. Now."
"It's really awkward. Do we have to?"
"Yes!"
"Fine," Ben sighed, stretching his legs out. "Well... since you've been here... some of the guys... they've... they've started to... have changes?"
"Changes? What do you mean?"
Ben rubbed his legs, he was super uncomfroatable. "Like changes. Uhm... guy changes?"
"Guy changes?"
"Are you really going to make me spell it out?"
Guy changes? Changes like... Like... Oh... Oh my god. Gross. Ew!
My face must have shown the realization," Yeah. That."
"Gross," I cuddled close to my tree.
"So Alby thought it would be best if we just had some rules out now, so there would be no accidents."
"ACCIDENTS!," I practically screamed.
ACCIDENTS LIKE WHAT? LIKE... like!
"Accidents like someone walking in on you in the shower or something! So no one would... see... see you n-... see you in an... an indecent way."
"Oh... god. Don't scare me like that," I put a hand on my chest and took a deep breath.
"Now you see why I didn't want to talk about it."
"Sorry... but it does make more sense now. I... I thought maybe he made those rules because..." I trialed off.
"Because what?"
"I don't know. The whole thing is just... I don't know. Alby asked me once if I was like dating Jackson or something, but I told no. I thought maybe this was just to make sure or something. It was just..."
"Oh yeah. I remember that," Ben chuckled.
"Shut up," I hit his shoulder.
"So... speaking of... of that," Ben cleared his throat. "Any... anything new?"
"As in...?"
"I... I don't k-know... You like anyone h-here?"
"Like I want to date them or something?"
Ben blushed a deep crimson and muttered a shaking response, which made me wonder. Have people been talking?
"Why? Has anyone said anything? New rumors? Like with Jackson?"
"What? No. nothing like that."
I took a deep breath, good. Last thing I need it that. I think the Jackson thing just died down. And no one knows about Newt... not even Ben. Maybe I should tell him, he is one of my closest friends. But... it's still stings.
"Good," I tried to sound unphazed. "The Glade should be focused on leaving, no stupid things like... dating or whatever."
A silence fell between Ben and I as I leaned back against my tree. Looking up, I saw the tree surrounding my tiny little one, they still looked barren and dead, except for one branch. I squinted and looked closer, it had a blossom on it, a small, barely noticeable green tuft. I shifted to look at my own tree, it had nothing like that, it was still dry with nothing but plain branches. I felt a rumble inside me, it wasn't hunger, it was worry. It had been he same experience I had felt a few weeks back, I woke up feeling anxious and nervous. I felt that now, but I didn't know why.
"That's good," Ben said, filling the silence. "Got to focus on the important stuff."
I shrugged and looked at the grass," I'm working on it... it just... it seems to go nowhere."
"What does that mean?"
"It means... that just when I think things are going okay, like I'm fine and everything, something happens."
"What do you mean?"
I sighed," It means, nothing ever seems to work out. Coming here, not getting a name and then I can't even pick my own name. And... And I thought I was starting to adjust, fit in and everything...and then... last night, That stupid meeting, I feel like an outcast all over again."
"You should talk to Alby," Ben suggested.
"No. It won't help."
"Not if you don't try."
Nothing helps, I thought. Running the glade didn't help, Talking it out doesn't help, finding my own name didn't work or help. I'm stuck here.
"Ben, how's the maze," I finally asked.
"The maze?"
"Yeah, it's been a while since you last mentioned it."
Ben cleared his throat," I don't really want to talk about it," he said.
"Oh..."
It must have been a dead end, what he thought was the way out. Damn... I had really been hoping he was close. But it's not his fault.
"Sorry Ben, I-..."
"Just forget it," Ben stood up and left quickly.
He must be upset... should I follow him? Maybe he needs some space.
